Overcoming Envy: What Envy Teaches You

Envy gets a bad rap. The ancient Greek philosopher Antisthenes described it as corrosive ("As iron is eaten away by rust, so the envious are consumed by their own passion.") Envy is established as one of the seven deadly sins - hardly a list of traits that we celebrate.

Yet we all feel it. Envy is part of the human experience. Instead of judging envy as wrong or bad, is there something we can do with it?

Envy begins with social comparison. Social comparison is a psychological process where we try to determine our own personal worth by comparing ourselves to others. So often, the result is we see ourselves as not measuring up.

Research shows that this process of comparison happens continually and automatically, underneath our awareness. And it sets us up for an inevitable deflation of confidence and self-esteem, what I call "compare and despair".

What we may not recognize is how shame is at the root of this despair. Shame is a deeply felt sense that we are defective, inadequate or not good enough. Shame is fuel for envy. When we look at somebody else and feel envy, it's not just that someone has acquired or achieved something, but that we believe we are unable to acquire or achieve something like it.

Well, that stinks.

But, wait. What if there is a positive side to envy?

Because, when we are in despair, we are missing something important: envy is information. Envy is giving you clues about what you desire. Look at your envy to start following the clues. Ask yourself:

Who do I envy?

What is it about them that generates envy?Since social comparison happens so quickly, envy can be vague, like a cloud around the person to whom you are comparing yourself. You feel it but you may not know why.

When you identify the source, envy becomes specific. You can examine it more closely.

Now this is where it gets really good, because envy gives you the opportunity to challenge the assumptions that underlie it.

Consider the source of your envy. Ask yourself:

Is it something I really want?

Do I think I can have it? Or can I attain something similar or create a similar feeling for myself?Let's say, for example, that you envy your neighbors who own a boat. They take their boat out on the water every weekend and it pains you each time they head out on Saturday morning.

Is it the boat you really want (with all of its associated responsibilities like dock fees and storage, maintenance and repairs, insurance and fuel, equipment and supplies)?

Or is it a sense of freedom? wealth? escape? (or something else?) that the boat represents for you?

There is no right or wrong answer - it's about understanding what you really want. Because when you know what you want you can begin to deliberately bring it into your life.

This is how you transform envy, by utilizing it as a tool to help you understand:

What you really want, what you value, what success looks like for you

How you can generate that for yourselfWhen you are clear about what's most important and what it looks like in your life, you can start building it for yourself.

What other people have and do becomes so much less significant. Comparisons won't matter. And you'll be happier when you are focused on your life, rather than on the lives of others.

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How to Connect With Influential & Successful People

Successful people are role models;

However, it hasn’t always been that easy to connect and build a strong relationship with them.

Nowadays we have so much technology on hand, such as apps like Facebook and Shapr, that help us connect with influential people a lot more easily.

Back when I first started out in business, I made the decision to reach out and build strong connections with influential people. At first, I wasn’t quite sure of how to go about it.

I didn’t exactly have much to bring to the table at the time. But I had a new business, and was seeking inspiration, guidance and advice.

I knew a lot of people who would have been able to give this to me, but expecting them to give up their time to every aspiring entrepreneur that asked is a little ridiculous.

Occasionally, people will answer a quick question, or give your stuff a share if you ask them nicely, but as the saying truly goes:

“IN LIFE, NOTHING AND NOBODY WILL HELP YOU UNTIL YOU START HELPING YOURSELF.”

So… how do you make connections with influential and successful people, who can help you elevate your life to the next level.


How to Connect With Influential People

Within this article, I’m going to be explaining how you can begin to connect with successful people, even if you don’t yet believe you’ve achieved that status.

This means showing you where to find like-minded people that you have a lot in common with. How to reach out to them, and how to build a strong relationship, which is beneficial for both parties.

Before you read any further though, make sure you read this article I wrote a while ago, which highlights all the reasons to be reaching out to people.


Step 1. Have Something to Offer

The first step to building any kind of connection with someone is by having something to offer. That’s the only reason why people naturally become friends with each other.

It doesn’t always have to be about influence. A lot of people think that because they don’t yet have a successful business, money or powerful connections, they can’t connect with those that do.

This isn’t true…

Value comes in many different forms.

Your personality, your knowledge, your loyalty, are all forms of value. When people choose others to be around, they psychologically bond with someone based on certain attributes. Maybe you’re funny, trustworthy, positive and supportive, read a lot of books… who knows.

The point being that if you are to connect with influential people, you first need to find some sort of common ground. Once you’re able to do that, you’ll know how to give value to people, and, get it back in return.


Step 2. Use Facebook & Other Apps to Find People

Once you’ve figured out how you can offer value, it’s time to find others who are interested in that value, and might just be able to send some your way in return.

Depending on where you grow up, there might not be people within your area who share similar interests and ambitions as you. This is one of the biggest things I learnt growing up in the rural countryside.

20 years ago or so; if this was the case, then you’d have to move to find people you click with. You could have always written to them… but we’re a little more fortunate these days.

Now, we can harness the power of social media.

Here’s a few places to get started:


1. Facebook

Facebook used to just be a place where I could keep in touch with my friends. A couple of years ago, I expanded to connecting with like-minded people on the platform.

Nowadays, all I have to do is login and I’m faced with amazing videos and insights by other professionals. I also started to notice the different circles people ran in, and I did my best to comment and join in on the conversation.

It’s so easy to make connections on Facebook.


2. Shapr & Similar Apps

Think of Shapr as the tinder for business professionals. Exactly the same concept, but instead of swiping for a date, your swiping to meet another awesome individual who has similar business interests as yourself.

This is an excellent way to connect with influential people, and is definitely worth testing within your area!

You can learn more about Shapr here…


3. Speaking Events & Seminars

Needless to say, a speaking event that interests you, is also going to interested anybody with the same interests as you. That means they’ll be a bunch of people all in the same room, sharing similar goals and ambitions.

And many of those people will already be incredibly successful at what they do!

Therefore it makes sense to start going to these events and meeting some of the other awesome individuals attending, right?

Most definitely! You may just create some life-long friends whilst you’re there.


Step 3. Reach out to them!
So you’ve…
Figured out the value you can offer to the world, and to the people you want to connect with.
Discovered the major places where you can find these people.

Now, all that’s left is to reach out to them and start building a strong and genuine relationship.

Before I continue, I’m sure I don’t have to explain the obvious fact that reaching out to these people and immediately asking them to do something for you, is out of the question. That won’t get you anywhere.

Being genuine is always the way to go. Check out this example:

Hey [First Name],

Hows it going?

Thanks for connecting with me. I saw we had several mutual friends and thought I’d reach out!

I love everything you’re doing right now with [Business Name], and would love to learn more about your mission and how we could potentially help one another.

Are you free for a coffee sometime?

All the best,


That wasn’t so hard, was it?

As long as you’re genuine, and you show interest in expressing how you can help the other person on his journey, you’ll receive a positive response!



Summary

Hopefully this article has helped you to connect with other influential and successful people. The steps are very simple, and can be done by anyone. As I said before, you don’t have to already be successful in order to connect with people who are.

Here’s a quick recap on the only 3 steps you need to make powerful connections with like-minded individuals:
Figure out what value you have to offer
Look for like-minded individuals where value can be exchanged
Reach out and build a genuine relationship

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10 Power Questions To Get You Motivated

There are times in life when we need to motivate ourselves. We often have big ambitions we want to achieve. Sometimes, however, the motivation and clarity we need evade us, and the limited time frames we have mean we need to get busy when we simply lack the zest to do so.

The following are a set of simple questions we can ask ourselves to begin to create the direction, the clarity and above all the motivation for ourselves to act:

1. What is the highest vision for my career, my life and myself?

This is really a reminder question for us. A key element of a balanced life is to have a clear vision of who you want to be and where you want to take your career and your life. This question is an opportunity for you to create that vision (preferably on paper), or if you already have it, to remind yourself of it.

2. What's the bigger picture here?

This question follows on from the first. When you have your vision, your subconscious mind will start to think creatively about how you can begin to make that vision happen. What's the bigger picture here, allows you to keep your thinking at a higher level, rather than bringing it down to the detail of life too quickly.

3. What are the key activities I need to be engaged in to get me to where I want to be?

This is a great all-encompassing question that takes you down a level in terms of your thinking. The focus of this question is the key activities. These are the 20% activities that will give you 80% of your results (according to the Pareto Principle). Again, this keeps your thinking at a level that allows you to focus on just those things that will get you to your outcome in the best way possible. You are not down at the micro or detail level yet. A good way to approach this is to come up with a list of just 2-4 key activities. These will become your projects from which your key tasks will flow.

4. How can I leverage my time, energy and money?

Leverage means investing a small amount of your resources in such a way that you get results that are many, many times greater than that investment. It could be, for example, that you invest a given amount of your time, energy and money to acquire the time, energy and money of many others. This is a form of leverage that is used to very powerful effect, for example, in the business world, and is how many businesses grow from sole-entrepreneurship to global status. Therefore asking yourself this key question constantly, permits you to engage fully in those activities that will give you the greatest return on your time, energy and money.

5. Do I need outside help?

This question flows on logically from the previous. It opens up your thinking, and allows you to consider the fact that others may be able to help you in your quest. This question prevents you from getting caught up in believing that you have to do everything yourself. Often when we are in this mode we can easily become overwhelmed, and this can sabotage our results. It is therefore useful to be asking yourself this question constantly so that external resources regularly show up for you.

6. What is stopping me from moving forward?

Sometimes we don't consider this question, and simply try to achieve our aspirations in life. By considering what may be stopping you, you are giving yourself the chance to acknowledge what is going on for you at a deeper level. This can reveal blockages that go way back, that may even have begun in childhood and could still be affecting you today. By using key techniques such as Energy Therapy to clear psychological and emotional barriers, you can begin to move forward and work more effectively towards your outcomes.

7. Given who I am, where I am in life, who I want to be and where I want to be in life, how can I use the time I have to the greatest effect?

This question may be detailed, but it acknowledges that you may have a limited amount of time in which to act, and therefore recognises that you need to use that time wisely. It also acknowledges who you are and where you are in your life right now whilst recognising that you have aspirations to improve. This is a powerful question that encourages you to look beyond those activities that may seem urgent but may not at this moment in time be in the best interests of your overall vision.

8. What can I do?

The is another all-encompassing question that begins to bring your thinking down to the task level whilst allowing your subconscious to consider all the options open to you. It also focuses your mind on what you can do rather than what you feel you can't.

9. How can I get started?

Getting started is one of the most difficult parts of any project or vision accomplishment. Asking yourself how you can get started brings your focus back to the current moment, and allows you to decide what your first step is going to be. This point alone can open up numerous doors in your mind, and can begin to make what may have seemed overwhelming or impossible, possible.

10. How can I work smarter?

Once we've started on our journey towards our vision, we can often get caught up in the detail of the work, and risk losing both our focus and direction. The upshot is that we can become derailed and distracted, and the effectiveness of our work can suffer. Asking yourself at every stage of your journey How can I work smarter will help you to find better, more useful and more intelligent ways of achieving your aims.

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Top 5 Reasons Why You're Not Living Your Dream

1. "I'm too old to make a change."

Maybe you're over 30 and settled in your career. You don't even want to think about making a move somewhere else. Besides, at this point in your life, you're supposed to be doing what you want, right?

For some reason we seem to think that we have to "act our age". But what does that mean? Where is there a definition of what it means to be a certain age?

The next time you think you're too old to make a change, think about Colonel Sanders and Wally Amos. Age is truly nothing more than a number.

2. "I need more money."

You might have dreams of owning your own business. You automatically think about all the money you'll need to do that. Just the thought of it overwhelms you and stops you in your tracks.

Using money as a reason not to change is just another excuse. Sure, it does take money to start a business. But who says we have to have all the money at once? Sometimes just the process of planning out our dreams makes what seems impossible, possible.

When you start to visualize your dreams, new opportunities open up for you. You may even find options that don't require that much money.

3. "I'm afraid to make a change."

You may have made a career move in the past and things didn't turn out like you expected. Maybe your boss didn't treat you well or you weren't challenged enough. Now you might be afraid to make the same mistake again.

Fear can take over and paralyze us. The funny thing is that most of the things we fear generally do not become a reality. When we come up with reasons why we can't make a move, we are just avoiding true happiness.

Basing your future on events that happened in the past is a sure way of stopping yourself from growing. It's best to learn from the past so that you can move forward.

4. "I don't have time to try to live my dream."

You may be so focused on your daily duties that you don't stop to think about your dreams. They might be buried deep within.

Some of us have spent so much time trying to make a living that we really don't have a life. We haven't taken the time to learn what we are passionate about.

Listen to those inner voices. Acknowledge the ideas that keep popping into your head. Make note of what you do in your spare time. Ask yourself if you would do these things even if you weren't getting paid. Or, ask if you would do them as a hobby even if you won the lottery.

5. "I don't think anyone will approve of my dream."

You've been thinking about making a change in your career. But what will people think of you? Will they believe that you can be successful? Will they be waiting for you to fail?

We often sabotage ourselves by worrying about what other people think of us. A family member, co-worker, or friend passes judgment on our dreams. All of a sudden, that's enough to stop us from moving forward.

You have the right to do what makes you happy. As long as you are not hurting anyone, including yourself, go for it. You might upset some people in the process. But, ultimately, it is your life.

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How To Make Your Own Happiness

Happiness comes to a person when it is caused by something, such as the person achieving a much-desired goal. Happiness also comes when the person recognizes something of value - seeing children playing together joyfully makes the parent happy. Happiness can be caused by expectation of future good fortune, as the happiness of a couple in a romantic relationship. Happiness has causes. It can be had by anyone who is able to bring about and recognize a suitable cause. Below are 6 ways to bring a little more happiness into your life.

Be aware of resources that can be used to achieve your goals -

Everyone has a large number of valuable skills that are not often appreciated: the ability to communicate and interact with people, the ability to set priorities when scheduling tasks, and many other such abilities. Your abilities are valuable. They can help you get what you want. So give them the consideration they deserve. Be proud of all of your abilities and skills. Take some delight in using them and they will stay with you and likely develop further.

Feel good when you succeed -

Savor the successes that your abilities and your resources allow you to achieve. The more you enjoy your successes, the more you will strive for and achieve success. It's a self-perpetuating circle that brings rewards and happiness.

Ask for what you want -

It's a way to make your life better. If it doesn't take away from someone else's happiness, then there's no reason to not ask. It is a tool you should feel good about using because it can produce good results. For example, you can ask someone to baby sit your kids while you get an r 'n' r break. You can ask advice on how to do something. You can ask at a university or state employment center for help in choosing a career.

Be willing to take chances to get what you want -

Yeah, sometimes you will fail. Sometimes you will suffer consequences. Just make a logical judgment about whether the possible benefits are worth the risks. If you decide it's worth it, then go for it. If you fail, so what. If you fail many times, so what. You still might succeed the next time, or the time after that. As long as the possible benefits are worth the cost, keep trying. And feel good about it. 

Be alert to what is good in your life -

Try to adopt a mode of operation of giving attention to the good things. If you aren't aware of what you got going for you, then you are missing out on feeling good about those good things. Being happy requires at least some recognition of what makes life valuable and worthwhile. The more you are aware of the good things in life, the more joy and pleasure you will feel. And to help stay alert generally, do what you can to stay healthy, exercise often, and strive for variety and new experiences.

Go about making your life better -

Take an interest in self-improvement. Be concerned with ways to make your life better. That will allow you to see opportunities to make it better. Some of those opportunities won't work out. The ones that do, make your efforts well worth it.

I would LOVE to hear what you think - let me know in the comments :-) 

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Letting Go: Is Life Too Short To Hold Onto The Past?

What is clear is that human beings don't live forever; there comes a point in everyone's life when their time will come to an end. When it comes to when this will be, it can depend on a number of different factors.

Due to this, it is often said that life is too short to waste time; each moment needs to be seized. Through taking this approach, one will be making the most of the life that they have been given.

A Waste

If one doesn't experience life in this way, they could feel as though they are missing out. As a result of this, not only could they end up feeling angry; they could also feel guilty.

It is then going to be a challenge for them to standstill, and they might even find it hard to sleep. Their life is not going to be something they have to endure; it is going to be something that they are here to enjoy.

Driven

One is then going to be used to feeling motivated, and this will give them the energy that they need to achieve things. In general, they won't find it hard to get out of bed; they will have the need to get things moving.

This could mean that other people see them as someone who grabs life by the horns, so to speak. And based on how they approach life, it is likely to have a passive effect on how these people experience life.

Relationships

Their intimate relationships could also be infused with this same energy, and they are unlikely to want to have someone in their life who has a different approach. The people they are intimate with are then going to add to what they already bring to the table.

Their upbeat nature could also make it easier for them to move on after a break up; they won't want to go over the experiences they shared. One could believe that they will only be wasting their time if they wallow in the past.

A Rare Occurrence

To experience life in this way could sound like a dream to most people, and this is because they can find it hard to relate to. They might find it hard to remember when they last experienced life in this way.

And while someone might believe that it is possible to experience life in this way, they could say that this is not how life works. As far as they are concerned, life could be something that has to be endured, as opposed to enjoyed.

In The middle

Or, they may say that this is how they experience life at certain times, but that's as far as it goes. It is then not going to matter how short life is, as they will have moments when the amount of time they have on this earth becomes irrelevant.

Yet, regardless of whether one rarely has moments like this or whether they have them from time to time, they will know what it is like to get stuck in the past. When this happens, it won't matter what is going on in the present moment.

Attention

Their point of focus will be on something that took place a few days ago, or it might have even been a number of years ago. This will make it a lot harder for them to make the most of the present moment.

There is the chance that this is something that will only affect them during certain times, or it could practically bring their life to a standstill. Either way, it is going to stop them from being able to move forward in life.

One Area

When it only affects them at certain times, it could be something that stops them from being able to start a new relationship, for instance. This area of their life is then going to be far from fulfilling, and they are likely to experience a lot of pain.

The pain that they experience in this a part of their life could cause them to work even harder in their career. Therefore, although one area of their life will be ignored, another area won't be.

Feedback

If one was to talk to their friends and/or family about what they are going through, they could tell them that they need to let go of the past. This could be something that they are only too aware of, or it might not have occurred to them before.

Along with this, they could say that they need to do this since life is too short to hold onto what happened. Through being told this, it might not be long until one is able to move on with their life, and to put the past behind them.

A Conscious Choice

Through deciding it was time to move on, one would have gradually been able to let go of the past. It could then be said that one used their will power to change their life, and this can show that one doesn't need to be controlled by their mind.

However, while the above can take place, it doesn't mean that it is always this simple. Instead, one could find that even though they realise life is short, it doesn't mean that they are able to just let go of the past.

Pressure

One could then find that they start to feel bad about themselves, as they should be able to let go. There is then going to be the pain they are experiencing through being caught up in the past, and the pain that is created through not being able to use their will power to move on.

Clearly, one is going through enough as it is without punishing themselves for being in this position. The trouble with the willpower approach is that letting go is not always about the mind; there can be times when it is about what is going on in the body.

Awareness

If it relates to what is taking place in their body, it might be necessary for them to put their willpower to one side. As if they are carrying an emotional build-up that needs to be processed, they will need to face how they feel.

When comes to letting go of what is taking place in their body, they may need to work with a therapist.

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7 Tips for a Successful Life

It is a sad fact of this life in its current form that has a staggeringly high percentage of the general population suffering from low self-esteem.

Some estimates have this figure at an astounding 85%!

Challenges of kicking bad habits or just a general low self belief can make this life hard - much harder than it has to be!

Keeping up the proper mindset to attract more abundance of what we want out of life is hard. Daily challenges continue and will always continue to hit us. The key lies in ensuring that we are adjusting our thoughts and processes during the day to ensure that we maintain the proper understanding and belief required to attract what we want in our lives and expel the negativity that will continuously try to enter our lives like a thief in the night.

Make no mistake, it is a dangerous thief. One that creeps into your life and makes itself at home. Worse than that, we actually start to believe what this nefarious creature whispers into our ears and end up with a life that we truly don't want, or need.

There are things that we can do to keep the beast at bay and vanquished. Below are some tips that I hope will help you.

1: Highway to the Danger Zone.

To build up your self-confidence you must get outside of that comfort zone. Each and every single day put yourself into a situation that makes you uncomfortable in some way. You will soon realise that you are more capable than what you currently think.

2: Compliments

Everyone loves to hear a compliment. Make sure that the compliment is legitimate and not forced. People can see through an unreal compliment and you will come across as sleazy, a liar or worse.

Handing out compliments to those who truly deserve one will come back to you ten-fold.

What's the worst that can happen? You make someone else's day a little brighter for it?

3: Expel The Positivity Thief

Pay CLOSE attention to your inner voice throughout the day. This sneaky little thief will squirm itself into your life if you don't pay attention.

Don't call yourself foolish, an idiot, stupid, fat or ugly. Boost your own self-esteem and improve your self-confidence by boosting your positive attitude to the fore. Catch that positivity thief and expel them into the nether regions where they belong!

4: Stake The Energy Vampires

You know the ones I'm talking about. People in your life that seem to suck the life right out of you!

Be wary and selective in who you let into your inner circle. Some of those that purport to be our closest allies are actually energy vampires. They appear to give you 'advice' that actually impedes you in achieving what you desire. They instill and plant the seeds of doubt that will feed the positivity thief. Inch by inch, step by step they will lead you to a path that is NOT of YOUR choosing.

Look closely at those around you. If it appears that they are literally sucking the life out of you then they most likely are. You know what you need to do, no need for me to spell it out here.

5: Be Grateful

Make time each and every day to list things that you have to be grateful for.

Take time to record each positive step in the right direction. The end goal is that much closer for each and every step in the right direction taken.

Feel good for those small steps, you are on the path that YOU HAVE chosen for yourself.

This will provide further positive momentum and self-confidence to take the next step. Very soon you will be able to look back at the path and be totally amazed by how far you have come.

Be grateful for these steps and don't fear to compliment yourself on each! You are moving in the right direction, whatever direction that may be for you and you deserve to complimented!

6: Ask!

This one seems to be a no-brainer but I'm constantly amazed at how this simple one is overlooked so often.

Ask for what you want. The worst thing that can happen is you get a NO, which will be the outcome if you don't ask!

7. Be An Active Listener.

People love to talk about themselves. It seems to be an ingrained thing in this life as it currently stands. The best 'conversationalists' that I have come across in life are those that actually do more listening than talking.

Our perceptions on what others want to hear are very often skewed and incorrect. Actively listen to these people and you will be amazed by the amount of doors that will open up for you. Doors that you probably weren't even aware existed.

Being an active listener is a skill that needs to be worked on. Catch yourself from interjecting your thoughts while the other person is still talking. Don't fidget with that pen. Make eye contact.

Make the talker understand that they hold your full attention and that you are paying attention.

There's no doubt that you will have read or heard the above tips numerous times. Pick and choose the ones that you can implement now. I have no doubt that your self-esteem and self-confidence will pick up and you will have no boundaries. This is the point that your life becomes truly that - YOURS.

Have you applied these tips in your life?

Share your story about how some of these tips have helped change your life. 

I would love to hear them!

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Amazing Benefits Of Being Optimistic

When it comes to the angle on how you perceive the world, studies have shown that being more optimistic can dramatically improve the quality of your life.

Optimism is simply looking at adversity in a positive light.

Taking the time to see things from a different perspective and shining a light on the positive can be extremely beneficial in all areas of your life.

Here are just a few ways on how being optimistic can help you in your daily routine:

Optimism promotes happiness.

It will help you keep your emotions in check.

Research into optimism shows it can actually increase your lifespan.

Being optimistic can reduce the level of stress you experience during unexpected events.

Optimism provides you with a stronger and more solid reason to live life.

Optimistic people are more proactive, rather than being reactive.

It provides you with an empowering way to handle failure in a constructive manner.

It is an essential trait that is common among successful people

It increases your productivity and creativity.

Optimism provides you with a way to deal with life in a balanced manner because it provides you the re-framing tools to deal with negative thoughts that inevitably pop up during the day.

These are just ten of the amazing benefits of being more optimistic.

There are many more attributes to taking a more positive approach to the things that life throws your way. People who tend to see the good in things rather than the bad are typically healthier as it improves both your psychological and physiological well-being.

When you are faced with adversity, the way that you approach the situation is extremely important.

Those who take a negative approach tend to live in a world that is "out to get them." These people often fail to see the bigger picture, which can have a negative impact on their life.

Those who face adversity with a positive attitude tend to have a happier life simply because they choose to see the light at the end of the tunnel. When life throws something at them, they look for the positives that can come out of it and move on towards a future that looks much brighter.

You will continually be challenged by difficult life circumstances, that is just a fact of life.

However, the next time you have negative thoughts, take a moment to think about how this negative experience could actually be a good thing. What's good can you gain here? What precious lessons can you learn from it?

Ask yourself power questions so that you take action and keep moving forward. This will benefit your entire well-being and help you experience a more fulfilling life.

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How to Overcome Failure: 9 Powerful Habits

“Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.”
C. S. Lewis

“I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.”
Michael Jordan

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.”
Samuel Beckett

Oftentimes things go OK or even better than that.

But on some days they don’t.

You make a mistake, have setback or you simply fail. It’s no fun. But you can’t avoid it either unless you avoid doing anything at all.

So what’s needed is a smart and self-kind way to handle such situations instead of letting them lead to vicious self-beatings and to them dragging you down into negativity for the day or month.

This week I’d like to share 9 habits that’ve helped me with that. I hope they will be useful for you too.

1. First, just accept how you feel.

When you’ve just failed it will most likely hurt. Sometimes a bit. Sometimes a lot.

That’s OK. Don’t try to push it away by distracting yourself or by trying to push the responsibility onto the rest of the world (if you deep down know that this one’s on you partly or fully). And don’t try to paint it over with a smile.

I’ve found that it works better to not let yourself be lead away by those options or impulses.

But to just be with what I’m thinking and feeling. To try to accept it, to let it in and to hurt for a while instead of trying to reject it all and to keep it away.

Because when you let it in and accept it then it will go faster and in the long run be less painful to process what has happened.

If you reject how you really feel then those emotions will pop up at unexpected times later on and can make you moody, pessimistic, angry or sad.

2. Remember: you’re not a failure just because you had a setback.

When you’ve had a setback it’s very easy to start thinking that you will always keep failing in this area of your life. It’s easy to start thinking that YOU are indeed a failure.

Don’t fall for such a destructive and sometimes seductive self-fulfilling prophecy.

Instead, remind yourself that:
Just because you failed today or yesterday doesn’t mean that you’ll fail the next time.
The truth is that this won’t last for the rest of your life if you keep moving forward, if you take action and you keep learning and it doesn’t label you as some kind of failure (except if you decide to create that label in your own head).

Seeing what’s negative as a temporary thing instead of something permanent is an essential key to an optimistic attitude and to keep going forward in life.

3. Be constructive and learn from this situation.

See it more as valuable feedback and something you can use to improve rather than only a big blow and setback.

I’ve found that the simplest and most helpful way to do that is to ask myself better questions (instead of the common ones that send you off into a negative spiral).

Questions like:
What’s one thing I can learn from this?
How can I adjust my course to avoid this trap/making the same mistake and likely do better next time?
What’s one thing I can differently the next time?

Take some time with these questions and be honest with yourself as you answer them. There’s no rush and while some of the answers may be immediate others might take an hour, day or even a week to pop up.

The important thing is to start thinking about the situation from this perspective and to be constructive about things instead of getting stuck in denial or negativity and apathy.

4. Remind yourself: anyone who wants to do things of value in life will fail.

We often mostly just hear about people’s successes. But the path to those milestones tends to have many setbacks. The story of someone’s success may seem only bright and fast-moving in what’s told in the media or we see in our minds.

But the reality – and the useful way to approach setbacks – is most often more like this quote by Michael Jordan:

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

5. Let it out into the light.

Another powerful way to handle the emotional fallout and the thoughts that come from a failure is to not keep it all bottled up inside.

But to let it out into the light by talking it over with someone close to you.
By venting about it while the other person just listens you can sort things out for yourself, help yourself to accept what happened instead of pushing it away and release that inner pressure.
By having a conversation about the situation you can see it from another perspective and through someone else’s eyes. This person can help you to ground yourself in reality again, to encourage and to perhaps even to find a way forward.


6. Find inspiration and support from your world.

A conversation with someone close to you can be very helpful.

Another thing you can do is to learn from those who’ve gone where you want to go. Read about how they handled setbacks and low-points before or during their success in books, on websites or online forums.

Or you can simply tap into the enthusiasm or motivation of someone else by listening to a podcast or audio book for maybe 30-60 minutes. This may not be specifically about your current challenge but can help you to shift your mood and mindset back towards optimism again.

7. Move forward again, don’t get stuck in mulling this situation over for too long.

Processing the situation and accepting it is essential.

But I know from experience that it’s also easy to get stuck in the same thoughts going around and around for week or a month.

The habit that has helped me with this trap is to take what I learn from questions like the ones I shared in tip #3 and to make a small rough plan for how I want to move forward from here.

So I take some time to sit down and write that one out.

8. Take action on that plan right away after you’ve drawn it up.

The plan you come up with will just be a start. You can course-correct later on, along the way.

So you don’t have to make it perfect. Trying to do that can sometimes just be a way to procrastinate because you fear failing again or because it is hard to start moving after this rough and disorienting thing that happened to you.

Split your start of a plan up into small steps and then take action on just one of them.

If you still have a hard time to get going then go for a very small step, just 1-5 minutes of action forward. The important thing is to get started and moving forward again so make that easy on yourself.

9. Improve your self-esteem.

A last thing that has helped me in general to handle setbacks is to improve my self-esteem.
By doing so failures don’t become something that so easily drags me down and I recover more quickly from them.
It also makes it easier to see what happened with more clarity and to take responsibility when I am responsible but also to see when someone else is partly responsible or when I just had bad luck that I could honestly not have predicted. And that helps me to not think that everything that goes wrong in my life is 100% my fault.

But how do you improve your self-esteem?

A good start would be to use much of what you find in this article. Like remembering that YOU are not a failure, that everyone have setbacks, to be constructive in the face of adversity and so on.

By doing these things over and over and making them habits your self-esteem improves.

And over time a smaller setback may just bounce off of you and a larger one will not be the same blow as it used to and the shock and climb back up from what happened becomes easier and not something that is as paralyzing anymore.

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How to Conquer 3 Common Fears

We were not born with fears. If we were, we would have never learned to walk, ride a bike, or even play, for fear of getting hurt. Children are fearless. They can fall off their bike and break their arm and then get right back on the bike, broken arm and all.

How do they do it? They have an endless amount of motivation. When they want something they go after it. They succeed more often than adults because they keep trying no matter how many times they fail. Below are three tips to catching the motivation bug for three very common fears.

Fear of Public Speaking: Many children in our school system are given topics, told to research their topics, and then give a speech in front of the entire class. These children are stripped of their creativity and their imagination and forced to give an oral presentation of a topic they are usually too young to understand or care anything about. Some children fly through these types of assignments while others fail miserably.

When we become adults we remember failing miserably as one of our worst childhood experiences. The older we grow, the worse the memory becomes, and the more we exploit it. The memory is embedded within our mind, thus, it gives us a fear.

To conquer your fear of public speaking, first, realize where the fear came from. Realize that we were all children once and we all made mistakes. Tell yourself that you will not fail miserably and concentrate heavily upon the benefits you will receive if you commit yourself to a public speaking engagement. Once you realize these benefits, your motivation will slowly begin to kick in.

Write your benefits on paper and read them frequently to increase your motivation. Don't commit to a public speaking engagement for which you have no interest. Make sure it is something you are passionate about so your benefits will be important to you. Passion always makes motivation more powerful. Visualize yourself speaking in public and succeeding.

Fear of Failure: Many children are punished or criticized for not being perfect. As they grow older, it becomes easier to not attempt anything for which they might be punished or criticized for. When they become adults, it becomes even easier to not attempt anything new.

The problem with a fear of failure is that we spend our lives in the "if only" mode. "If only" I'd finished my bachelors degree, "If only" I had a better job, "If only" I had more money, "If only, If only, If only"

Our economy is currently not the greatest. Many people are unemployed, but just as many people are over employed. Many of those who are over employed are completing the work of two people, working extra hours, and working for jerks.

Because of their fear of failure, they continue to put up with their depressing work environment. They continue to be miserable and continue to say "If only."

To conquer your fear of failure, take action. Write, on paper, one small easily attainable goal. Then, write all the steps you will take to achieve that goal. As you accomplish these steps, cross them off. Once you have acquired your goal, cross it off. Repeat this process and each time you write a new goal, make your goal a little bit bigger and a little bit more difficult.

When you begin this process, find goals to accomplish which are important to you. Remember, passion gives motivation power. The more passionate you are about your goal, the more important it becomes to you. The more important it becomes to you, the more motivation you will have to achieve it.

Fear of Success: Many adults learned to fear success during their school years and in many sports. They were held back by ignorant adults to allow other children to catch up to them. Many schools believe in the team method, where several of the children will work on a project and receive the same grade. Children who want to excel cannot because they are held back while waiting for their classmates. Many sports have this same concept.

As these children become adults they continue to wait on everyone else to catch up with them. Unfortunately, they do not realize that they are the ones doing nothing. They are the ones sitting in their comfort zone afraid to move for fear of not being part of the crowd.

To conquer your fear of success, realize that it is okay to be different. Remember that you were taught this fear; you were not born with it. When you become the successful person you want to become you will find that not only do you have your same circle of friends, but you will also have many more.

Once you conquer your fears, you will realize how much they have held you back. Always remember that you were not born with your fears; you were taught your fears. Getting rid of your fears frees you to do whatever you want to do. It is like taking a weight off your shoulders. When the weight is gone, you will have an increased amount of motivation, like when you were a child.

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Four Strategies to Achieve Your Goals

"If a man wants his dream to come true, he must first wake up." - Author unknown

The path to achieving your financial goals can become a little easier if you know exactly what is required to move from dream to reality. Let's look at four things that you need to know in order to attain your objectives:

Know what you want

When you get up in the morning, do you have a vivid picture of what you want to accomplish for the day? When you rest your head at night, do you think about the things you want to do tomorrow that will take you one step further in your life's journey?

Or do you merely live each day without a conscious thought about what you are working to achieve? One of the main reasons why many persons never attain any major goals is that they don't know what they want out of life.

Personal achievement guru, Brian Tracy confirms that the three keys to accomplishment are 'clarity, clarity, clarity." Having a specific intention about what is important to you is the first step in the goal setting process.

If you are honest with yourself about the things that you don't want to have in your life, then this can help you to pinpoint what you want to achieve.

For example, if you are uncomfortable with having to depend on your spouse for money for your personal bills, then you can express your desire as "I want to independently earn enough money to meet my needs."

Know why you want it

Knowing what you want is essential, but focusing on the reasons why you wish to get your goal is an even more powerful achievement strategy.

While you may be able to clearly outline the things you want, have you ever stopped to consider why these goals are important to you? What motivated you to want these things in the first place?

Very often, people's past experiences, positive or negative, leave major impressions on their subconscious minds. These incidents usually arouse emotions which may compel them towards certain goals.

You need to get to the root of your dream; try to identify the emotions that are being triggered when you think about what you want or what you don't want.

For example, if you say you want your own home because you hate having a landlord, concentrate on the negative emotions that come to your mind. Do you feel insecure because someone else has the power to separate you from your home?

When you focus on your feelings, they can provide a stronger push to succeed than just thinking about your goal itself.

Know when you want it

When you know what you want and why you want it, you have created a purpose statement for your goal. However, even though you may have clarity of intention and a burning desire to achieve, you may still struggle to see your dream fulfilled.

Have you ever considered how long it should take you to achieve your objectives?

Many people express their desires without indicating the time frame in which they would like to see it come to fruition. With an indefinite approach to your goal, you will not make it a priority and you will probably procrastinate on carrying out the necessary steps.

However, don't set arbitrary deadlines; be realistic about all the things you have to do before the goal can be accomplished.

Let's say that you know that you need to get additional training in order to leave your dead-end job and work in the area you truly love. Consider the length of the course and how quickly you could obtain the necessary financing for it.

The next step is to commit to a date when you want to start living out your dream; this will put you under pressure to get it done.

Know what you have to give up

It is possible to be clear, passionate and time-conscious about your goals and still not get to the finish line. There is one element missing from the final equation - you need to recognise and be willing to accept that you need to give up some things, in order to get what you want.

Natural law dictates that you can't get something for nothing; there must be a corresponding payout for whatever you receive.

When it comes to your goals, think carefully about the amount of time, effort and money that will be required to make them happen. Are your dreams important enough for you to make the necessary sacrifices?

For example, if running your own business is your goal, you had better be prepared to put in many sleepless nights, work tirelessly while others play and invest your financial resources, before you get started.

When you make the required commitment to do whatever it takes to succeed, and take immediate actions in line with your objectives, then you will become successful in your quest.

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Motivation Vs Inspiration

Although many people often confuse inspiration with motivation, they are two VERY different things. In order for us to do anything, we need to be motivated. Whether it is getting up from bed in the morning, doing our daily chores, or pursuing a lifelong dream, if there is no motivation we would not do it.

There are two types of Motivation: External motivation and Internal Motivation. When we say motivation in the normal sense, what we mean is External motivation. An external push that we require to do something that we may or may not care about.

On the other hand there is Internal Motivation which is also referred to as Inspiration. This kind of motivation comes from deep within ourselves and is not dependent on any external physical expression. When you are in this place of inspiration you are naturally drawn to do whatever feels best. In order for us to achieve our goals and move steadily forward on our chosen paths we need to be driven from inside rather than outside, therefore this means that the goals that we set have to be INSPIRED goals. one of the fastest roads to inspiration is motivation.

There are two types of Inspiration: Passive and Active. Replicating or building on the success and ideas of others is Passive inspiration, whereas, the act of CREATING things, pursuing new ideas, goals and ambitions is Active inspiration.

Motivation is related to the inspiration that increases the eagerness or willingness to do something. Inspiration is the process by which the mental stimulation takes place. It makes one WANT to do or feel something.

Starting to make sense?

Motivation relies on tenacity, determination and drive, but Inspiration comes from some place inside you that is profoundly touched in some way. The word inspire means "in spirit," which pretty much sums it up. When you're inspired to do something, you're more in the spirit of doing it. There's something more than determination driving you. It's more like you were actually "destined" to do it.

Websters online dictionary defines both Inspiration and Motivation as follows:

in·spi·ra·tion: something that makes someone want to do something or that gives someone an idea about what to do or create.

mo·ti·va·tion: the act or process of giving someone a reason for doing something.

In looking at the two definitions, it is clear that inspiration is more of a person reaching a point of wanting to act. There is a true DESIRE to achieve a goal or dream, they are "compelled", whereas, motivation is more of giving people reasons to act.

In short, Inspiration is the "spark" that originates within, and Motivation is the "fuel" that causes the spark to grow into a flame.

EVERYONE is indwelt with dreams & ideas known only to themselves, YOU carry those dreams & ideas. Your feelings are indicators that let you know when it's time to bring the spark forth that will grow into the flame.

"As life takes us up and moves us around, our purposes expand, our priorities shift, our search continues for what is ours to do" 

- Carol Adrienne

Be Inspired, Be Motivated, it's time to share that spark with the rest of the world!

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5 Tips Make Your Goals Come to Life

1. Do something different. Go for a walk to clear you head, or meet friends at the local coffee shop to brainstorm or respond to questions or to make plans can do you the world of good. Sometimes a new environment has been the key to increasing productivity and creativity for me. Just change things around from your normal day.

2. Setting goals inside and outside of work place are necessary to keep me motivated. If I am just concentrating on work and not also on my home life, I find it harder to want to work.

We all need life outside of our 9 - 5 day. We also need goals for ourselves. You might choose to learn to cook, learn a new language or speed read. Whatever you choose, make it something you will enjoy.

3. Create a to do list. I love lists and highlighting the completed activities makes me happy! Creating a to do list not only helps you to get your must do's out of your mind, it also helps you to think clearly as you are processing less information at any given time. I love that feeling when I get the end of any tasks that I complete, as it gives me a great feeling of accomplishment. I can also reflect on this list in the future to see how I worked through problems if something similar arises.

I write my list in order of priority. I can then to see the scale of what I am working on and be able put my to do's in an order to work in with my day. I usually have several projects on the go at once and this helps me to be balanced over my schedule.

4. Sometimes there are things we just cannot do alone this is when we need to ask for help. This can be one of the hardest things to do, but remember that you can return the favour one day so it does not all need to be one-sided.

If you are at work, make your goal a joint effort and get buy in from the team. If the goal is at home, maybe you could ask your partner, family member or friend if they would like to learn that new language with you so you can practice on each other. Two brains are sometimes better than one.

5. The most important for me is to reward myself when I get to the goal. Don't fall in the trap of constantly looking for the next thing. Take a break, reward yourself and those who helped you get there and appreciate the journey. If you know the reward is coming, it makes it that bit easier to work towards the big goal at the summit.

I find that the main thing for me is to chip away a bit every day. It might be to reach out to someone, write a quick article, remind myself of the purpose or to read over the plan each morning. The focus of the goal must be big enough to make you really want it enough to motivate you to move forward.

Reaching the goals and rewarding yourself will give you the improved mood and revitalised mind and body that will make you and your team want to achieve more! Enjoy the process and reaching the end goal.




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6 Simple Questions You Need To Ask Yourself When You Become Fearful

"One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn't do." Henry Ford

There isn't an individual who hasn't been afraid or faces difficult circumstances that caused them to be fearful at some point. Fear is one emotion that most of us dread, but all will have experienced during our lifetime.

What are you afraid of? What makes your heart stops when you think of it? What stresses you out more than anything else? What is it that worries you most?

Are you worried about your future like so many of us? Do you worry about the security of your job or the future for your children? There isn't a shortage of things to cause us fear. Life is unpredictable and because of the uncertainty and the unknown we develop a fear for the future.

If you are like most of us, you need to develop the right attitude to overcome your fears. Living in fear is never the answer. You need to face the fears you have and find solutions to avoid dealing with them over and over again.

Find the source of your fear and deal with it head-on. The great thing about confronting your fears is that once you have dealt with it, it will no longer cause you to fear. You will also become stronger and better able to deal with other uncertain issues in your life.

Here are six questions you should ask yourself when you are feeling fearful that will help to manage your fears.

1. Am I fearful for the right reasons?

Fear is a good thing as it helps to keep us safe. Use your fear in the right way and for the right reason. Do not spend your life being fearful of life. Use your fear to motivate you to go after your dream. Do not be consumed by the fear of the future but use those fears to work on making your future brighter. Face your fears by channeling them into areas that will give you the results you want.

2. Are my fears positive or negative?

What are the things you dread most? Are they positive or negative? Which type of fears do you tend to focus on? Rather than be fearful of the things you have no control of, channel your energies on to things that will make your life easier and less stressful. Take the time to focus on the positive and do not focus on negative things. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Franklyn Roosevelt

3. What meaning am I giving to challenges?

Think about it seriously, what are you focusing on? Are you giving these fears a life by constantly thinking about them? If so resist the urge to worry and reclaim your power and focus your attention on things you want to achieve. Focus on the things that will help you to become a better person.

4. Am I causing fear to rob me of my life?

If you spend your life in fear, you will never enjoy your life. There will always be something to fear. Why spend your time worrying about things that might not happen and you cannot control. To be happy, you must rid yourself of fear as fear robs you of your joy. You can never enjoy life being afraid.

5. Are my fears real or imagined?

Many times you cultivate fear when, in fact, there is nothing to fear. When a situation arises, you give it more power than you should? Quit giving your fear the power to grow. Remember things always seem worst than they truly are.

6. What can I learn from these fears?

Find out what lessons life is trying to teach you. Do not miss the opportunity to get the message you are being sent. Whenever you feel afraid, find out what it is that scares you the most and what you can do to reduce your fear.

Our fears will never go away, but you must be able to control your fears and not allow it to control you. Live your life in confidence expecting the best, and the best will happen. When you feel fearful find the cause of your fear and find a solution and if you can't stop worrying about it because there is nothing you can do about it.















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