Steps to Building Self Confidence

Self confidence, as the words suggest, is your inner feeling that gives you the assurance that you can achieve your desired results with a greater sense of responsibility. It is a belief in yourself that you can take up responsibilities and challenges in your life.

In order to attain this, you need to recognise your potential and know your inner strengths. Look at your achievements in your life's journey. Identify what is important to you and where you want to go. Replace any negative thoughts in your mind with positiveness and commit yourself to face challenges.

In order to cultivate and develop such a positive self-image the following needs to be enhanced:

1.Goals and Vision - Set realistic goals. Be a visionary and dream your goals. Convert your dreams into plans and plans into action. Stay focussed and persist in your efforts. Divide your goals into sub-goals and keeping work on them and lead them to your final goal.

2.Interpersonal Relationships - Participate in social activities. Join social clubs or charitable organisations. Get involved with people as this will channelise and renew your energy. Share your thoughts, view, hopes and aspirations with your near ones.

3.Communication Skills - Learn to interact with people using charm in your conversation. Recognising and complimenting others for their achievements will boost your desires to achieve similar results.

4.Knowledge - Enhance your knowledge by reading as much as possible on varied subjects. Newspapers, magazines provide lot of information and updates. Watch appropriate channels and programs on television to broaden your knowledge. This will give you confidence when you meet people, make presentations etc.

It is worthwhile that whenever you achieve something, take pride in your achievements. Congratulate yourself. It will boost your morale. Reflect on your successes and consolidate your confidence.

A good way of doing this is to display in your house any certificates or awards you have won in the past as this will motivate you to win more laurels. Keep appreciating these small achievements for enhancing your positive attitudes and inner strength.

One must however be also ready to face setbacks as these are only challenges that occasionally stand between you and your goals. Persistence is the key to success. Analyse the situation and take corrective steps. Do everything possible to bounce back with much more vigor till desired results are obtained.

Self confidence is all about you and your goals. You can only draw inspiration from other sources, but action is what you have to take. Action in the right direction. When you are self confident, you do what you believe to be right even if others mock or criticize you. You take risks and go the extra mile to achieve better things.

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How To Focus - Some Simple Tips

For many people, the desire to focus better and get things done overwhelms everything else. Yet when they get right down to it, the same people find it easy to be distracted and do not implement effective methods to boost focus. The key, then, is to identify simple tips that will show you how to focus better.

1. Know What Matters

The specific details will differ from one person to another. But all of us care about something. By deciding which are these important areas, you can select the right things to focus upon.

2. Choose Important Tasks

Every morning, select 2 tasks that you will finish by the end of the day. These tasks will fall into categories that are important to you. You have already identified them in the previous step, by deciding what matters most to you. Now when you get these 2 tasks done, you will be moving towards your important goals.

3. Get Things Done

You've chosen two tasks to complete. The next goal is to actually complete them. There is no point in just drawing up lists of things to do if you do not take follow up action and finish the tasks. So make that your highest priority. Get them done as early in the day as possible.

4. Put Off Distractions

Several things are interesting. You will constantly be tempted to try other things that you enjoy doing. But resist the temptation at least until you finish the two important tasks for the day. Once you get into the habit of resisting distractions, your focus will automatically improve and you will get more work done.

5. Stop Multitasking

Maybe you are used to talking on the phone while typing on your computer and simultaneously taking notes. Or maybe you try to cram an important conference call into the time you're doing the cooking while also keeping an eye on your son's homework. Stop multitasking. It makes you less effective. And it worsens your focus. Instead, concentrate fully on one of the tasks. Get it done. Then turn your attention to the next one. This way, you will finish more work in less time.

6. Slow Down

Hurrying through tasks is a surefire way to make mistakes or get things wrong. When you do that, you'll have to repeat the task. That takes longer. And it is also more effort-intensive. If you go about your tasks methodically and slowly, you will complete it faster and with fewer mistakes.

These simple steps will improve your ability to focus and make you more efficient. Soon the improved focus will become a habit and your effectiveness will skyrocket.

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The Secret to Achieving Any Personal Growth Goal!

We all have unfulfilled desires-aspects of our lives we want to change or grow. And we all know - from experience - that having a desire, an intention, or even a plan is not enough. How many times have you wished, intended, and planned to lose weight, start meditating, write that novel, get a new job, or change a relationship pattern-only to find yourself repeating the same old habits that give you the same old results?

There is one tested and proven secret to attract and create what you desire. This secret has been used by the leaders in every field to achieve every kind of goal. It's not natural talent, perfect timing, or good fortune. It's something we all can do, no matter who we are or what we've been through.

That secret is Daily Practice - taking one action every day to engage in what you desire.

Daily Practice is the way you take life into your own hands-and invite Providence to assist you. It insures that you live your priorities and shows the Universe what's important to you. It insures that what is most important isn't pushed aside.

To create a powerful and sustainable Daily Practice - one that is both doable and effective, simply ask yourself the following 12 questions. You don't have to take a lot of time with this or give it a lot of thought-though you can, if you want. Simply ask yourself each question and see what comes to mind. Then, go on to the next question.

Are you ready?

Here we go!

QUESTION #1: What is your number one personal growth goal?

What is most important to you right now? What's your dream? Choose one thing you want to practice, no matter how big or small.

QUESTION #2: Why do you want to practice this?

What's your purpose? What do you hope to experience, gain, or contribute?

If you don't know why you are doing something, it will fall by the wayside. When you don't feel like doing it or when something else comes up, you will let it go. Knowing your "why" keeps you going strong!

QUESTION #3: What exactly will you do?

Define the actions you will take.

For instance saying "I'm going to eat healthier" and "I'm going to start exercising" are good intentions, but poorly defined practices. Instead, it would be better to say that "I'm going to stop eating fried foods and I will eat at least one cup of fresh fruit or vegetables three times a day" or "I will take a brisk walk for twenty minutes every morning." Be specific.

QUESTION #4: How often will you practice?

The recommended answer here is "daily." Daily practice establishes your practice as a part of your circadian rhythm, your 24-hour life cycle. Actions repeated daily become "grooved" faster, run deeper, and have greater effect. So, do at least one thing, every day that moves your practice forward.

QUESTION #5: When will you practice?

Set a time. Then, put it on your schedule.

If you don't schedule it, inevitably, other things will come up. Before you know it, you'll be at the end of the day. It's likely that you will feel too tired at that point. Then, you'll put it off until tomorrow. My friend, Matt Clarkson, passed along a great illustration about "tomorrow." He tells me there's a pub in England with a sign that says, "Free Beer Tomorrow."

QUESTION #6: How long will you practice?

Commit to a specific minimum. If anything, under-commit, so you'll say, "Oh that's nothing, I can do that." If you commit to too much, you're more likely to skip it or see it as "too much effort." Once you get started, you're likely to do more because you're "into it." So, start small and expand from there.

QUESTION #7: Where will you practice?

It's important to choose a place that's conducive to what you're doing. For instance, if you are starting to meditate and you try to do it in a busy or noisy place, it's not likely to work well.

To support your practice, decorate your space with appropriate pictures, quotes, or décor that signifies what you are doing and why it's important to you.

QUESTION #8: Do you need any special equipment, supplies, or support for your practice?

Some examples include: having the right food in your house for your nutrition or weight loss practice, having the right tools and materials for your creative project, setting appointments with a personal trainer for your workouts, or downloading a guided meditation to support your meditation practice.

What will help you succeed?

QUESTION #9: How will you track your practice?

Especially when starting something new, it's a great idea to keep a journal in which you define what you're doing and why, list your goals, and make notes on your experiences.

Logging your efforts makes your practice more concrete, substantial, and real. It records the work you've put in. You are more likely to stick with something that you've put a lot into it.

Making notes on your practice also enables you to review what you've done.

QUESTION #10: How often will you review and modify your program?

Check in with yourself and see what's working, what isn't, and what changes you'd like to make so your practice is more enjoyable and effective.

At first, you might want to review and modify on a weekly basis. It's likely you'll go through some trial and error. Rather than being discouraged when things don't go well, use that as information to alter your routine to make it even better.

QUESTION #11: How will you keep your practice fresh and inspiring?

The same activity will be different every day, if you stay alert, purposeful, and present with the fine details of what you are doing-rather than mindlessly going through the motions.

Become a life-long student of your practice. Read what others are doing. Experiment. If things are getting stale, mix it up. Practice in a new location, adjust your technique, or practice with someone else. Use variety to keep your mind fresh and awake.

Remember "why" your practice is important. What do you want to achieve? What are you afraid might happen if you let this go?

QUESTION #12: How will you remind yourself to practice?

Put your practice in your schedule. Post a note on your alarm, your bathroom mirror, your refrigerator, or the dashboard of your car.

Now, you're ready to go! If you've answered these 12 questions, you've set yourself up for success. Now, it's time to take action.

Remember, Daily Practice is THE PATH to achieve any personal growth goal. It's the way to engage in and live your dreams every day.

So, what will you grow in your life?

Enjoy your practice!

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Letting Go: Is Life Too Short To Hold Onto The Past?

What is clear is that human beings don't live forever; there comes a point in everyone's life when their time will come to an end. When it comes to when this will be, it can depend on a number of different factors.

Due to this, it is often said that life is too short to waste time; each moment needs to be seized. Through taking this approach, one will be making the most of the life that they have been given.

A Waste

If one doesn't experience life in this way, they could feel as though they are missing out. As a result of this, not only could they end up feeling angry; they could also feel guilty.

It is then going to be a challenge for them to standstill, and they might even find it hard to sleep. Their life is not going to be something they have to endure; it is going to be something that they are here to enjoy.

Driven

One is then going to be used to feeling motivated, and this will give them the energy that they need to achieve things. In general, they won't find it hard to get out of bed; they will have the need to get things moving.

This could mean that other people see them as someone who grabs life by the horns, so to speak. And based on how they approach life, it is likely to have a passive effect on how these people experience life.

Relationships

Their intimate relationships could also be infused with this same energy, and they are unlikely to want to have someone in their life who has a different approach. The people they are intimate with are then going to add to what they already bring to the table.

Their upbeat nature could also make it easier for them to move on after a break up; they won't want to go over the experiences they shared. One could believe that they will only be wasting their time if they wallow in the past.

A Rare Occurrence

To experience life in this way could sound like a dream to most people, and this is because they can find it hard to relate to. They might find it hard to remember when they last experienced life in this way.

And while someone might believe that it is possible to experience life in this way, they could say that this is not how life works. As far as they are concerned, life could be something that has to be endured, as opposed to enjoyed.

In The middle

Or, they may say that this is how they experience life at certain times, but that's as far as it goes. It is then not going to matter how short life is, as they will have moments when the amount of time they have on this earth becomes irrelevant.

Yet, regardless of whether one rarely has moments like this or whether they have them from time to time, they will know what it is like to get stuck in the past. When this happens, it won't matter what is going on in the present moment.

Attention

Their point of focus will be on something that took place a few days ago, or it might have even been a number of years ago. This will make it a lot harder for them to make the most of the present moment.

There is the chance that this is something that will only affect them during certain times, or it could practically bring their life to a standstill. Either way, it is going to stop them from being able to move forward in life.

One Area

When it only affects them at certain times, it could be something that stops them from being able to start a new relationship, for instance. This area of their life is then going to be far from fulfilling, and they are likely to experience a lot of pain.

The pain that they experience in this a part of their life could cause them to work even harder in their career. Therefore, although one area of their life will be ignored, another area won't be.

Feedback

If one was to talk to their friends and/or family about what they are going through, they could tell them that they need to let go of the past. This could be something that they are only too aware of, or it might not have occurred to them before.

Along with this, they could say that they need to do this since life is too short to hold onto what happened. Through being told this, it might not be long until one is able to move on with their life, and to put the past behind them.

A Conscious Choice

Through deciding it was time to move on, one would have gradually been able to let go of the past. It could then be said that one used their will power to change their life, and this can show that one doesn't need to be controlled by their mind.

However, while the above can take place, it doesn't mean that it is always this simple. Instead, one could find that even though they realise life is short, it doesn't mean that they are able to just let go of the past.

Pressure

One could then find that they start to feel bad about themselves, as they should be able to let go. There is then going to be the pain they are experiencing through being caught up in the past, and the pain that is created through not being able to use their will power to move on.

Clearly, one is going through enough as it is without punishing themselves for being in this position. The trouble with the willpower approach is that letting go is not always about the mind; there can be times when it is about what is going on in the body.

Awareness

If it relates to what is taking place in their body, it might be necessary for them to put their willpower to one side. As if they are carrying an emotional build-up that needs to be processed, they will need to face how they feel.

When comes to letting go of what is taking place in their body, they may need to work with a therapist.

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Happiness Is a State of Mind

Your happiness is not dependent on external things. If it were, it would not be possible to find lasting happiness.

Your happiness is dependent only on the state of your mind. Knowing this gives you the power to determine your own happiness.

The good news is that it means that you have a choice to be happy or not. The bad news is that you can only have this choice when you are totally aware of this fact that your happiness is entirely in your hands. This fact is unfortunately not as obvious as we would like it to be. In fact, most people cannot see this truth. For them, their mind has been so conditioned to think of getting happiness from people and things outside of themselves that to be told that they are the real source of their own happiness is quite simply unbelievable.

Yet, this is the truth. Your happiness is indeed in your hands. To be more precise, your happiness is in your mind.

You do not have to believe me. Instead, you can do an experiment on your own life. Choose to be happy, just for a day. Make it today. Make it this moment. Consciously choose to be happy, and see how your attitude and state of mind change to reflect that choice. Is your mind lighter? Less tense? Less tightly wound up? Less rigid? More open? More liberated? Simply by choosing happiness, you can immediately feel the lightness of your being.

However, if you have been conditioning your mind to be tight, unhappy and fearful all these while, do not expect that it will be easy to simply switch to be happy. It takes persistent effort. Old habits die hard. They keep coming back because they feel familiar. Therefore, to replace an old habit with a new one, you need to be aware as often as you can. Stay alert to your state of mind. Keep reminding yourself to choose happiness. Gradually train your mind to be happy, to relax and to lighten up. Be aware of how you feel when your mind is in this new state. Do you feel better? Happier? Lighter? It is important to experience this new state, and be aware of it. It is very rewarding, and it will continue to motivate you to be alert and aware of your state of mind.

So, how do you make your mind happy all the time?

You simply have to keep doing this - be aware of your mental state, and make a conscious choice to be happy - every day, every moment. Make it a new habit of yours to constantly check on your mind state whenever you remember - when you wake up in the morning, when you shower, when you eat, when you take a break, when you are about to go to sleep. You can do it anytime, any place. When it has become habitual, then you will be able to be happy everyday.

Remember, happiness is a state of mind.

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Being Comfortable With Uncertainty

"If you want to know your past - look into your present conditions. If you want to know your future - look into your present actions," states the Chinese Proverb.

Reality is filled with uncertainty.

Seldom do we have an exact picture of the path ahead, so we accept what arises with determined courage.

It is natural to uphold a level of control, yet we need uncertainty to prevail since the seeds of opportunity lie in the unexpected.

At a deeper level, we fear uncertainty because we lack the life skills to navigate through it. Recognised as the mind's negativity bias, we doubt our capacity to cope with the unexpected and exaggerate events to the detriment of our mental and emotional wellbeing.

With so much talk of stress these days, we need to know what the imminent future holds in store for us. Yet the security we crave for is but an illusion to lull us into a false sense of safety.

Author David Rock states in Your Brain at Work, "The brain craves certainty. A sense of uncertainty about the future and feeling out of control both generate strong limbic system responses."

As a result your brain looks to your external environment to reinforce a known sense of balance. In primitive times our ancestors had to contend with a variety of conditions to sustain life. The threat of wild animals, adjusting to climatic conditions, fear of attack from rival tribes and the outbreak of disease, were barriers to their survival.

Thankfully, life in the modern world is not as bleak, yet is replete with its own stressors which pose a hazard to our wellbeing. Uncertainty for the modern man is contained within: intimate relationships, volatile economies, uncertain job security, weather fluctuations and health concerns.

Bruce Hood affirms in his book The Self Illusion, "... in situations where outcomes are important, we get stressed by uncertainty and feel the need to do something so that we can have the illusion that we can control events."

To retain binding command of our lives is both a blessing and curse. In one way it affirms our sense of safety, knowing we need not contend with tentative conditions. On the other hand, its misleading bias is overstated by our limited control, if any.

It is no surprise that the mind is notorious for emphasizing circumstances which appear less dramatic than they are. Known in psychology as catastrophizing, the inherent bias to perceive events within a negative context.

The fear of "not knowing" what lies ahead impedes our long term welfare. At a deeper level, fear of the future terrifies us because of the unfamiliar conditions which lie ahead. It interferes with attaining emotional freedom.

So how can we embrace the unexpected without the barrage of emotions which ensue?

To accept uncertainty in our lives requires a change in perspective. We yield to the intrinsic forces of life instead of oppose them. However uncomfortable it may seem, we surrender to the natural order of events by leaning in to our fears and insecurities.

You reason with your anxieties by perceiving them with a logical mind instead of becoming embroiled in them. Otherwise, we risk activating our fight or flight nervous system every time, which senses we are in imminent danger instead of being uncomfortable.

Remain present in your body when anxiety threatens your emotional well being. Choose a proper time to examine the motivation for your anxiety.

Have there been moments in the past which caused similar anxiety?

If so, are you repeating those same feelings instead of facing them?

Fear is a confronting emotion, though we gain strength when we embrace it as a useful emotion. I often remind myself that fear is an illusion. I can reduce the volume of fear by being exposed to it moderately each time.

We rarely have all the answers, which means uncertainty is as much an inner declaration that everything will turn out well in due course. It strengthens our resolve and commitment to the natural cycles of life. Change in itself is terrifying, not the conditions themselves.

The key lesson is to be comfortable with uncertainty - why? Because it exists and we should avoid retreating in resignation wishing life were different.

We evolve by being exposed to uncertainty and confronting our fears, otherwise they dominate our mental landscape and grow in intensity. To that extreme that which we oppose must be met head on.

It was the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius who declared, "If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment."

Find middle ground between living with uncertainty and maintaining a level of control, short of manipulating outcomes. Let go of tension, anxiety and fear by embracing the unknown. Consider uncertainty a worthwhile journey toward a daring future.

Uncertainty allows us to re-evaluate the past and make new choices in light of what transpires. It presents opportunities to create a compelling future based on new information. Often, our most ambitious plans emerge through the obscuring veil of uncertainty.

Welcome curiosity and excitement which go with uncertainty by affirming your belief to move through it with ease. The vital lesson is to expose yourself to uncertainty by building your tolerance to it.

To know the future, we must become acquainted with our present actions while embracing uncertainty. In doing so, we move toward the unknown with firm ambition to resolve the past.

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The Formula for Letting Go

One of the worst ways of spending your day is worrying about something. Whether it’s troubles with money, a fight with a loved one, feeling guilty for something, it doesn’t matter. As long as your mind fixates on worrying about a certain topic, it just ruins your entire day. You can’t focus on anything else and it eats away at you, and the only solution for that is something that’s much easier said than done: letting go.

Everyone tells you to “let it go” when you’re feeling stressed about something, but almost nobody tells you how to let it go, and it’s not easy at all. Usually you try for a few minutes and realise that, if you could, you would have a long time ago. With that in mind, my goal with this post is to explain how you can take those troubles out of your head and enjoy the rest of your day.

First, I’ll show you my formula for letting go and then I’ll explain every aspect of it. Ready? Here it goes.
Can you do anything about what’s troubling you?

Yes = Do it
No = Accept that

I know it seems overly simplistic, but it’s a clear way of remembering the mindset you must have when faced with stressful situations. Let’s dive into it and figure out all the details.
Is There Anything You Can Do?

First of all, you can see that it’s very important to analyze whether you have any control over your troubles or not, because that will determine what you can do about them. If you’re stressed about the results of your job interview, then there’s nothing you can do about it but wait. If you’re feeling guilty because you didn’t work out the entire week, you can simply go to the gym and work out right now to mitigate that.

The problem is, most of the time, we don’t care whether we have control over our problems or not. We worry and worry as if it’s going to change anything, and then feel bad because it didn’t. When you stop and think about how much you can do in this situation, it starts to make that burden lighter because you start focusing on what you can do. You turn your attention to actions instead of feelings.

Once you ask yourself that question, your mindset changes. It puts you in a more logical and analytical position, which is what you need to counter that emotionally charged mindset of worrying about money or relationships, for example. With that said and done, let’s take a look at your options.
If Your Answer Is Yes

If there is something you can do about your situation, you need to figure out what it is. This will force you to accept that you either have to take action or deal with the fact that you put yourself in that position. If you can do something but won’t, you run out of excuses to keep worrying about it.

Let’s say you have a very important exam in a week and you’re feeling stressed. Can you do something about it? Yes, you can study. Now if you decide to study, you can stop feeling guilty or stressed because you are doing your part. Since all the rest isn’t in your control, your best bet is to understand that by doing your part you are giving yourself permission to not worry about it anymore. Feelings aren’t rational and chances are you’ll still feel stressed about it, but your best chance at mitigating that feeling is trying to be rational with yourself. We like to be consistent as human beings so if you show your mind that you’ve done what you could, it’ll be much easier to accept that there’s no need to worry.

However, if you can study but won’t, then you have to deal with that decision. Feeling guilty about it won’t change anything, and you’ve made your mind. In either case you need to get to a definitive answer so you can be at peace. Here you have to accept that you chose not to take action and that’s the end of the story. Put all of this in rational terms so you don’t let your emotions take over. You could do something but you won’t? Fine, then so be it. Accept that and realize that feeling guilty or worrying won’t change the fact that you won’t take action. If you know you won’t study until the night before the test, then accept that and forget about it until the day comes. If you find you can’t forget about it, then study. Whatever you choose, the only way you’ll be at peace is by giving closure to your worries. Do it or don’t, but put an end to it in your mind.
If Your Answer Is No

Now if you can’t do anything about it, it’s a very different story. When the answer was ‘yes’ you had control over certain aspects of your situation. In this case, you most likely feel powerless. It’s one thing to choose not to act and another entirely to not be able to act.

Going back to the exam situation, let’s say you took it and feel you didn’t do well. What can you do about it? Realistically, nothing. Your teacher will grade your exam and all you can do is wait for the results.

This is stressful because you fear the consequences of not doing well on your test, but you feel powerless because it’s too late to study more and you can’t retake it. The key is to understand that there’s nothing you can do, and worrying won’t change that. Although not being in control might seem like a burden, it can actually be your ticket to freedom.

Once you realize that there’s nothing you can do and that being stressed won’t change anything, the only option is letting go. If you’re able to make your mind see the rational side of it, it’ll be easier to realize that all you can do is forget about it until the results come in.

Now I know all of this is very difficult to achieve. Like I said at the beginning: easier said than done, right? But it’s still vital that we understand how this whole ‘letting go’ process should work. In order to help you actually achieve that, let’s take a look at some strategies that might help.
Strategies To Stop Worrying

Whenever we’re worried about something, it’s because we fear the consequences. There wouldn’t be a reason to be concerned with your exams if the grades didn’t stop you from passing the classes, and money wouldn’t be a problem if you didn’t need it to survive. We focus on the problems that might arise and get anxious before anything even happens.

One way of easing that pain is by doing some smart thinking on these very consequences. We have a tendency to exaggerate what would happen if things went wrong, which is one of the reasons why we worry so much. When you look back, you’ll see most of your worries never came to be and were probably much more dramatic than what could have happened. This quote (usually attributed to Mark Twain) captures that feeling pretty well:

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”

Challenge your mind to give you concrete reasons to worry so much about everything, and you might just realise your worries might not be justified.

Now if your worries are justified, think about how big the consequences actually are. As I’ve said above, most of our fears are blown out of proportion. The best way to deal with that is by going through what would be the worst case scenario, how you would get out of it, and what is most likely to happen.

The point here is that we always find a way out, so if you force yourself to actually go through how bad the worst case scenario would be and how you would overcome it, your mind is getting used to the idea that no matter what happens, you can turn this around. It’s also a way of showing you that the consequences are usually much smaller than we make them out to be. Didn’t get the mark you needed to pass a subject in high school? You’ll do it next year; it doesn’t matter at all in the big scheme of things. Lost your life savings in an economic crash? Of course that’s much much worse, but you know you’ll survive this. There’s always a graver situation that’s been overcome before. You know you’ll find a way no matter what happens.

Letting go is about determining whether you can do something or not, and then acting on that information. It’s also about realising that our problems are much more manageable than we tend to realise. In the end, people who are at peace and comfortable with letting go understand that 90% of what we worry about doesn’t matter in the slightest. Once we focus on what is truly important, it becomes harder and harder to care about all the small annoyances of life.

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Get Rid of the Junk in Your Life So You Can Focus

If you visit my offices or home, you're going to find everything in order. I'm someone who wants to be surrounded in a pleasant environment. I believe it helps my thinking. I don't understand how some people do it. They surround themselves with junk and clutter and then wonder why they physically, psychologically and emotionally feel overwhelmed.

Take a look around your environment.

Are you one of those people who lives in a mess? Your office is a mess. Your home is a mess. Your car is a mess. Why would you be surprised that your life is a mess?

I'm giving you a challenge today. Get rid of all of it. It won't be easy. Pack rats have to make a mental "disconnect" with all the junk in their lives. But, it's possible. And, once you do this, you'll see how lighter you'll feel. No one says having things is a problem. The problem comes when we become attached to things and they no longer serve a real purpose beyond simply having them, even if they don't belong in our home or office anymore.

Let's begin with your home.

• Look around you. Assess the situation.

• Make a decision about where your starting focus will be. Pick a room. Pick an item (clothes, shoes, paper, etc.).

• Begin the process of keeping what means something to you or serves a purpose and get rid of what holds no meaning or purpose in your life. So, for example, if you are holding onto papers from 10 years ago "just in case," it's probably time to place them in the shredder. If you have clothes that are 3 sizes too small and you haven't worn them in 5 years, do you really expect to wear those clothes again even if you were to fit into them? More than likely they can be donated to a good charity and help a family that needs them more than you do.

• Keep sorting through the one room or set of items that you are looking to clean up and don't stop until you're done. Depending on your life, it may take an afternoon, several weeks or even a month. Put a deadline on it. Then chip away until the job is done.

• Dispose of whatever no longer serves you. Place what you will continue to use neatly where it belongs.

• Do the same process for the next item or room in your home.

Now, let's look at your career.

• Remember that success if 10 percent inspiration and 90 percent perspiration.

• Review where you are and where you want to be in terms of your work.

• If you need to learn a new skill or take a risk, map out what you need to get to your goal.

• When your mind begins to bring you doubt-ignore it. Doubt has killed more dreams than anything else I can think of.

• Develop a series of goals. You know what your overarching goal is. Perhaps you want to own your own business. Maybe you want to leave the company where you work. Maybe you want to move into management. Whatever it is, plot a course. Create milestones and smaller goals that will get you where you want to go. This is crucially important because you need to rack up "wins." You don't win the World Series without having played 162 games first.

• Then, keep chipping away at it. Every. Single. Day.

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Change Is Scary, But You Don’t Have to Be Afraid

Change can be scary for everyone, but it is often even more frightening when it happens in the workplace. So many of us get used to our “daily grind” that when something happens to change it we find our fear levels amped up and rising, even if we are not under direct threat of losing our position. Whether it’s a company buyout, new management, or just a minor change in staffing, the uncertainty that comes with change can make us feel threatened. Yet fear will not help us do our jobs better. We are more likely to undermine our good intentions and efforts when working under the burden of fear, leading us to feel powerless.

In Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, Susan Jeffers offers a number of exercises that can help us feel noticeably more powerful when confronted with changes to our work environment. Adapted from those exercises are five that can help us deal positively, rather than fearfully, with workplace change.

1. When facing a change at work we are often holding on to a “picture” of what we think it should be. What image are you holding onto? Be as honest with yourself as you possibly can. When you are aware that you are seeing things as you wish them, you can stop yourself to take another look to how things really are.
2. Be mindful of all the options you have during the course of a given day. When uncertainty begins to overwhelm you, think instead of all the possible ways you can act and feel about the situation. Be conscious of the alternatives available to you. Make it a game. In no way should you put yourself down for being upset. Those worries are a great clue as to where you need to begin changing your thinking.
3. Take a pen and paper, or open a new document on your computer, and make a list of all the choices available to you. In every situation there are at least thirty ways to change your point of view. Writing them down helps you to clearly see all angles, giving you the opportunity to choose the most auspicious mindset.
4. Notice how you talk with coworkers. If your conversation includes a lot of complaining and blaming, think about ways you can communicate your opinions without being negative. If you find that some colleagues are continually negative and unsupportive, try to avoid them, if possible.
5. Look for any gifts you are receiving from the change you’re experiencing. It may not seem like there are any, but if you look at things differently you may be surprised. Think about it: you may be garnering further career experience, maybe you could come up for promotion earlier than expected, or maybe you’re just being given the opportunity to really evaluate what you want out of your career. Any happening can be a gift if you look for it.

Change is scary, but it doesn’t have to be. Recognize your fears and then turn your mind to more constructive thinking. It may be hard to put your worries to the side, but far more constructive to find the optimistic aspects of any situation.

The important thing to remember is that change is not the end of the world—it never has been. Change is really about new beginnings. New starts may be a little scary, but they are also exciting, giving us the chance to stretch outside our old limits. 

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