Deep Diving Out Of Procrastination

Procrastination - we're all guilty of this. You wouldn't be human if you didn't. So just why do we procrastinate at times? Recent research has revealed that we put off things that we don't like to do. In psychobabble - task averse

When we have tasks to do that we consider unpleasant, unenjoyable, boring, frustrating, difficult or that we resent we are more likely to put these off and avoid them if possible.

This just seems to be common sense and logic so far. What else has the research uncovered? Come on Frank, get to the good stuff!

Okay, you've twisted my arm. The other thing that is important to note from the research is that the way we look at these tasks change over the life of the task. Early on, the more meaningful and purposeful the task is to what we imagine in our lives, the higher we rate that task as enjoyable. Later in the life of that same task what might make them aversive is not having them defined properly.

So, based on the above we might find ourselves needing to have different strategies to finish off the tasks that we have given ourselves!

In very plain English, imagine you have decided that you are going to lose 10Kgs by going to the gym. In the early stages, motivation is quite simple because you still have the main goal in focus. Come day 3 of getting up early for the gym... different story!

What's in it for me?

Simple. We can take this knowledge and apply it accordingly. If you need to get yourself motivated early on in a project, task or goal - make it more meaningful to your overall life goals. This should give you the kick-start that you need at that point in time.

When you find yourself beginning to look at the tasks in front of you with dread later in the project, perhaps remind yourself of what that small piece actually means to you as part of the bigger picture. Secondly, at this part of the journey - make sure that the tasks are clearly defined and structured so that there are no gray areas or uncertainty. Break down any complex task into more easily managed ones.

One Final Thought

Perception is reality.

Thinking that tasks are boring will make them boring.

Thinking that tasks are going to be hard will make them hard.

If you can change the way you look at the tasks in front of you, you will actually change your own behavior.

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Overcoming Envy: What Envy Teaches You

Envy gets a bad rap. The ancient Greek philosopher Antisthenes described it as corrosive ("As iron is eaten away by rust, so the envious are consumed by their own passion.") Envy is established as one of the seven deadly sins - hardly a list of traits that we celebrate.

Yet we all feel it. Envy is part of the human experience. Instead of judging envy as wrong or bad, is there something we can do with it?

Envy begins with social comparison. Social comparison is a psychological process where we try to determine our own personal worth by comparing ourselves to others. So often, the result is we see ourselves as not measuring up.

Research shows that this process of comparison happens continually and automatically, underneath our awareness. And it sets us up for an inevitable deflation of confidence and self-esteem, what I call "compare and despair".

What we may not recognize is how shame is at the root of this despair. Shame is a deeply felt sense that we are defective, inadequate or not good enough. Shame is fuel for envy. When we look at somebody else and feel envy, it's not just that someone has acquired or achieved something, but that we believe we are unable to acquire or achieve something like it.

Well, that stinks.

But, wait. What if there is a positive side to envy?

Because, when we are in despair, we are missing something important: envy is information. Envy is giving you clues about what you desire. Look at your envy to start following the clues. Ask yourself:

Who do I envy?

What is it about them that generates envy?Since social comparison happens so quickly, envy can be vague, like a cloud around the person to whom you are comparing yourself. You feel it but you may not know why.

When you identify the source, envy becomes specific. You can examine it more closely.

Now this is where it gets really good, because envy gives you the opportunity to challenge the assumptions that underlie it.

Consider the source of your envy. Ask yourself:

Is it something I really want?

Do I think I can have it? Or can I attain something similar or create a similar feeling for myself?Let's say, for example, that you envy your neighbors who own a boat. They take their boat out on the water every weekend and it pains you each time they head out on Saturday morning.

Is it the boat you really want (with all of its associated responsibilities like dock fees and storage, maintenance and repairs, insurance and fuel, equipment and supplies)?

Or is it a sense of freedom? wealth? escape? (or something else?) that the boat represents for you?

There is no right or wrong answer - it's about understanding what you really want. Because when you know what you want you can begin to deliberately bring it into your life.

This is how you transform envy, by utilizing it as a tool to help you understand:

What you really want, what you value, what success looks like for you

How you can generate that for yourselfWhen you are clear about what's most important and what it looks like in your life, you can start building it for yourself.

What other people have and do becomes so much less significant. Comparisons won't matter. And you'll be happier when you are focused on your life, rather than on the lives of others.

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Teach People How To Treat You Better!

According to Dr. Phil, "We teach people how to treat us." Let that sink in for a moment. Rephrase it and repeat it a couple times to yourself. "I teach people how to treat me." Maybe you're thinking, my life isn't perfect and maybe once in a while an argument gets heated, but I'm doing alright.

But think for a moment about how people really do treat you. How does your spouse or significant other talk to you or about you? Do you feel supported and like you are both on the same team? What about your dad? Your ex? Do you walk on eggshells or tip toe around certain issues to avoid an argument? Think about nicknames people use for you, is there one you don't really like but you just let it go?

Are there things that any of them say that are a little on the edge of being rude? How do you react when this happens? Do you stop it, leave the room as if you didn't hear it, or just keep quiet? They may call you "big mama" referring to your extra weight but they frame it as "an inside joke". Do you laugh with them? Or do you ask them not to use that reference for you again?

What about your children? How do they talk to you? How do they behave toward you? Do they yell at you, try to hit you, push, ignore you, or kick at you when they don't get their way? Do you chalk this up to "just a tantrum" or do you discipline them for it? Do they show appreciation or just demand or expect you to cook, clean, and drive them to/from activities?

Think about other people in your life such as co-workers, friends, and relatives. Maybe they joke about "you and your book smarts", refer to your "hillbilly" accent, comment that you "run or throw like a girl", or ask "when are you going to just get a real job?" How do you respond? Does it feel like your co-workers or your boss value your contributions? Have you been corrected or yelled at by a boss or co-worker in front of other employees or customers?

As you think about how each of these types of people treat you, try to identify any patterns between them. For example, do both your husband and your in-laws make fun of the type of job that you have? Is there a running joke with your in-laws and your friends about your house being featured on the next TV episode of Hoarders or How Clean is your House?

Or maybe you have a friend or several friends that seem to imply that being a stay at home mom is not important or the fact that you work full-time and have your kids in daycare is not right. Maybe it's a co-worker who rolls their eyes every time you get a phone call from your kids who are at home.

Does this mean you are to blame for people treating you badly? Absolutely not. You are only responsible for what you knew when you knew it. And each person is ultimately responsible for their own behavior. But the good news is that now that you do know, you absolutely can teach most people how to treat you better!

The way that you teach people how to respect you or in some cases teach people how to treat you better is by first creating a very clear picture for yourself about what kind of behavior or treatment you will accept, how you express this to others, and how you respond if the poor treatment continues.

In order to set clear limits about how others treat you, it's important for you to first commit to some firm guidelines about how YOU treat yourself and others. The better you get at taking care of yourself, the harder it will be for you to tolerate disrespect from others. You also have to treat others well. The old adage, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" should be your new mantra.

We teach people how to treat us, yes. But that doesn't mean that everyone who behaves badly toward us is an evil person. They may not even be aware of how their treatment makes you feel. And you definitely contribute to that if you don't let them know how their behavior impacts you. They don't know what they don't know either. And if they do know they are hurting you, all the more reason for you to put a stop to it now.

So now that you know you can teach people to treat you better, the next step is to learn more about how to set firm boundaries and how to express yourself in an assertive way. With a little practice, you will be able to send a clear message to folks that you respect yourself and won't allow anyone to violate that in the way they treat you. There are several ways you can learn to set boundaries and stand up for yourself including self-help books, community education classes, or by getting the help of a life coach who specializes in this area. Contact us today!

Plus-You Can Now Join Our FREE Mastering Success Facebook Community at www.masteringsuccess.group

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7 Tips for a Successful Life

It is a sad fact of this life in its current form that has a staggeringly high percentage of the general population suffering from low self-esteem.

Some estimates have this figure at an astounding 85%!

Challenges of kicking bad habits or just a general low self belief can make this life hard - much harder than it has to be!

Keeping up the proper mindset to attract more abundance of what we want out of life is hard. Daily challenges continue and will always continue to hit us. The key lies in ensuring that we are adjusting our thoughts and processes during the day to ensure that we maintain the proper understanding and belief required to attract what we want in our lives and expel the negativity that will continuously try to enter our lives like a thief in the night.

Make no mistake, it is a dangerous thief. One that creeps into your life and makes itself at home. Worse than that, we actually start to believe what this nefarious creature whispers into our ears and end up with a life that we truly don't want, or need.

There are things that we can do to keep the beast at bay and vanquished. Below are some tips that I hope will help you.

1: Highway to the Danger Zone.

To build up your self-confidence you must get outside of that comfort zone. Each and every single day put yourself into a situation that makes you uncomfortable in some way. You will soon realise that you are more capable than what you currently think.

2: Compliments

Everyone loves to hear a compliment. Make sure that the compliment is legitimate and not forced. People can see through an unreal compliment and you will come across as sleazy, a liar or worse.

Handing out compliments to those who truly deserve one will come back to you ten-fold.

What's the worst that can happen? You make someone else's day a little brighter for it?

3: Expel The Positivity Thief

Pay CLOSE attention to your inner voice throughout the day. This sneaky little thief will squirm itself into your life if you don't pay attention.

Don't call yourself foolish, an idiot, stupid, fat or ugly. Boost your own self-esteem and improve your self-confidence by boosting your positive attitude to the fore. Catch that positivity thief and expel them into the nether regions where they belong!

4: Stake The Energy Vampires

You know the ones I'm talking about. People in your life that seem to suck the life right out of you!

Be wary and selective in who you let into your inner circle. Some of those that purport to be our closest allies are actually energy vampires. They appear to give you 'advice' that actually impedes you in achieving what you desire. They instill and plant the seeds of doubt that will feed the positivity thief. Inch by inch, step by step they will lead you to a path that is NOT of YOUR choosing.

Look closely at those around you. If it appears that they are literally sucking the life out of you then they most likely are. You know what you need to do, no need for me to spell it out here.

5: Be Grateful

Make time each and every day to list things that you have to be grateful for.

Take time to record each positive step in the right direction. The end goal is that much closer for each and every step in the right direction taken.

Feel good for those small steps, you are on the path that YOU HAVE chosen for yourself.

This will provide further positive momentum and self-confidence to take the next step. Very soon you will be able to look back at the path and be totally amazed by how far you have come.

Be grateful for these steps and don't fear to compliment yourself on each! You are moving in the right direction, whatever direction that may be for you and you deserve to complimented!

6: Ask!

This one seems to be a no-brainer but I'm constantly amazed at how this simple one is overlooked so often.

Ask for what you want. The worst thing that can happen is you get a NO, which will be the outcome if you don't ask!

7. Be An Active Listener.

People love to talk about themselves. It seems to be an ingrained thing in this life as it currently stands. The best 'conversationalists' that I have come across in life are those that actually do more listening than talking.

Our perceptions on what others want to hear are very often skewed and incorrect. Actively listen to these people and you will be amazed by the amount of doors that will open up for you. Doors that you probably weren't even aware existed.

Being an active listener is a skill that needs to be worked on. Catch yourself from interjecting your thoughts while the other person is still talking. Don't fidget with that pen. Make eye contact.

Make the talker understand that they hold your full attention and that you are paying attention.

There's no doubt that you will have read or heard the above tips numerous times. Pick and choose the ones that you can implement now. I have no doubt that your self-esteem and self-confidence will pick up and you will have no boundaries. This is the point that your life becomes truly that - YOURS.

Have you applied these tips in your life?

Share your story about how some of these tips have helped change your life. 

I would love to hear them!

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How to Be a People Person When You Aren’t

Not everyone is born a “people person”. Me included. I tend to shy away from the spotlight when there are many people around. However, I love people and am attracted to them. I find their stories fascinating and continuously learning from them to better myself.

This explains why I love interviewing inspiring people and reading biographies and memories. The deeper I know someone, either in person or virtually, the more I admire them.

In my world, everyone is a teacher. We can learn from their successes and their failures. Acknowledging them is the first path to be a “people person” in the fullest meaning of the term.

It’s common knowledge that individuals who are good with other people would enjoy privileges in connecting with, relating to, and leading others. These traits are essential for success. Both extroverts and introverts can learn these skills.

Introverts regain their energy with alone time, while extroverts gain their strength from being out there with many people. Both types are necessary for society and for human evolution. However, many people misunderstood the quieter introverts for being “weak,” while the louder extroverts are mistaken for being “strong.”

The truth is, introverts tend to think first before speaking, while extroverts do the other way around. These traits can be learned as well. For instance, introverts can learn to speak without any pause from thinking too much. Extroverts can learn to think first for one or two seconds prior to expressing verbally.

I’m an introvert and will always be. This means I think before I speak and I find alone time recharging and relaxing. I prefer not to be involved in loud group activities, but favor more quite group activities and one-on-one sessions. I genuinely love people but prefer having a small group of like-minded people with deep relationships instead of hanging out with a large group of people whom I barely know.

Susan Cain in her 2013 best-selling book “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” says that there is nothing wrong being an introvert, for the primary difference between an introvert and an extrovert is their source of energy.

Realizing the need to better my skills around people, I learned the importance of the following elements when communicating. It takes time to master them and I often fall back to my own quiet way.

Just remember to keep reframing your thoughts and words whenever you’re communicating with people before retrieving into your private world. Here are 5 tips you can use to become more charismatic.

HOW TO BE A PEOPLE PERSON WHEN YOU AREN’T

FIRST, PRACTICE THE GOLDEN RULE.

To relate with others better, place yourself in the other person’s shoes. Open your heart up. Treat people like how you want to be treated. It may sound cliche, but it’s the most important principle of communication. When you invest in something good, it will return to you. When you appreciate people, they will appreciate you back.

When people don’t behave well and are negative, if we keep our positive attitude, most likely they’d change and follow our lead. For instance, if you want others to encourage you, you can start by encouraging them. This kind of positivity brings people closer and, together, you can bring the best in each other.

SECOND, HOLD NO GRUDGES AND FORGIVE RIGHT AWAY.

Forgiving others right away is a sign of strength. It’s both liberating your mind and maintaining peace at heart. For thinking introverts, who tend to ruminate a lot, grudges would create an endless cycle that doesn’t stop.

The more you think of something that’s “not right” in your eyes, the more you’d ruminate, thus the more unforgiving you are and deeper the grudge would become. Stop the vicious cycle by forgiving and letting go.

THIRD, REMOVE YOUR “EGO” TO BE SEEN “INTELLIGENT.”

Let communication flow and create a positive and friendly atmosphere. For a nerdy introvert like me, it takes time to warm up as I tend to talk about “big ideas” rather than personal activities.

You can start talking about whatever it is available in front of you at that time, such as what a fine dinner it is and how good the weather is. Start with something both of you find interesting, instead of talking about the Congress, the latest stock price for APPL, or the recent debate on Universal Basic Income.

FOURTH, SHOW INTEREST BY REALLY LISTENING TO OTHER’S STORIES.

Listen to what people are saying by showing the proof of it. Ask questions based on what they have just talked about. Make positive comments with some facial expression.

Don’t wait for your turn to talk by nodding without really listening. The more you practice this proactive listening, the better you become at understanding others. And you’ll open your heart more.

FIFTH, USE “WE” INSTEAD OF I WHENEVER POSSIBLE.

Use “we” more often than “I” and frame your message to include “we” than merely “I.” Remember that an ideal communication is a win-win, meaning both parties gain something meaningful. Small simple things, like attentive listening, appreciating their time, and reciprocity would reinforce the “we” factor.

Introverts can communicate well with others and some are even famous for it. For example, Dianne Sawyer, Julia Roberts, Abraham Lincoln, Emma Watson, Christina Aguilera, George Stephanopoulos, and Bill Gates are all introverts. We love them for who they are and we can attest that they are “people persons.”

I’ve been practicing this more open communication style with these five elements, which are both engaging and positive, for years. And I’m still learning how to make people like me more for who I am than what I know about the world. Everything takes time.

Three more tips:

One, if you’re super shy when dealing with others, imagine that you’re talking to only one person whom you truly trust, like your partner or your best friend. Trick your mind to believe it.

Two, if you become nervous, look at the wall behind the forehead of person you’re talking to. Look at the spot in between their eyes. You’re still looking at them, but slightly indirectly.

Three, be aware of your body language. Have an open body language, not squeamish or closed. Study reveals that open body language also tricks our mind to think that we’re confident and positive, as if everything goes in our favor.

At last, be brave and watch yourself grow on daily basis. Communicating the way “people person” does takes time and practice for introverts. Eventually, you’ll have the so-called “charisma” to open more doors and more opportunities.

Just take the first step.

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