How to Stop Overthinking Everything: 9 Simple Habits

What is holding people back from the life that they truly want to live?

I’d say that one very common and destructive thing is that they think too much.

They overthink every little problem until it becomes bigger and scarier and it actually is. Overthink positive things until they don’t look so positive anymore.

Or overanalyze and deconstruct things and so the happiness that comes from just enjoying something in the moment disappears.

Now, thinking things through can be a great thing of course. But being an overthinker can result in becoming someone who stands still in life. In becoming someone who self-sabotages the good things that happen in life.

I know. I used to overthink things a lot and it held me back in ways that weren’t fun at all.

But in the past 8 years or so I have learned how to make this issue so small that it very rarely pops up anymore. And if it does then I know what to do then to overcome it.

In this article I would like to share 9 habits that have helped me in a big, big way to become a simpler and smarter thinker and to live a happier and less fearful life.

1. Put things into a wider perspective.

It is very easy to fall into the trap of overthinking minor things in life.

So when you are thinking and thinking about something ask yourself:

Will this matter in 5 years? Or even in 5 weeks?

I have found that widening the perspective by using this simple question can snap me quickly out of overthinking and help me to let that situation go and focus my time and energy on something that actually does matter to me.

2. Set short time-limits for decisions.

If you do not have a time-limit for when you must make a decision and take action then you can just keep turning your thoughts around and around and view them from all angles in your mind for a very long time.

So learn to become better at making decisions and to spring into action by setting deadlines in your daily life. No matter if it is a small or bigger decision.

Here’s what have worked for me.
For small decisions like if should go and do the dishes, respond to an email or work out I usually give myself 30 seconds or less to make a decision.
For somewhat larger decisions that would have taken me days or weeks to think through in the past I use a deadline for 30 minutes or for the end of the workday.

3. Become a person of action.

When you know how to get started with taking action consistently each day then you’ll procrastinate less by overthinking.

Setting deadlines is one thing that have helped me to become much more of person of action.

Taking small steps forward and only focusing on getting one small step done at a time is another habit that have worked really well.

It works so well because you do not feel overwhelmed and so you do not want flee into procrastination. And even though you may be afraid, taking just a step is such a small thing that you do not get paralyzed in fear.

4. Realize that you cannot control everything.

Trying to think things through 50 times can be a way to try to control everything. To cover every eventuality so you do not risk making a mistake, fail or looking like a fool.

But those things are a part of living a life where you truly stretch your comfort zone. Everyone who you may admire and have lived a life that inspires you has failed. They have made mistakes.

But in most cases they have also seen these things as valuable feedback to learn from. Those things that may look negative have taught them a lot and have been invaluable to help them to grow.

So stop trying to control everything. Trying to do so simply doesn’t work because no one can see all possible scenarios in advance.

This is of course easier said than done. So do it in small steps if you like.

5. Say stop in situation where you know you cannot think straight.

Sometimes when I am hungry or when I am lying in bed and are about to go to sleep negative thoughts start buzzing around in my mind.

In the past they could do quite a bit of damage. Nowadays I have become good at catching them quickly and to say to myself:

No, no, we are not going to think about this now.

I know that when I am hungry or sleepy then my mind sometimes tend to be vulnerable to not thinking clearly and to negativity.

So I follow up my “no, no…” phrase and I say to myself that I will think this situation or issue through when I know that my mind will work much better.

For example, after I have eaten something or in the morning after I have gotten my hours of sleep.

It took a bit of practice to get this to work but I have gotten pretty good at postponing thinking in this way. And I know from experience that when I revisit a situation with some level-headed thinking then in 80% of the cases the issue is very small to nonexistent.

And if there is a real issue then my mind is prepared to deal with it in much better and more constructive way.

6. Do not get lost in vague fears.

Another trap that I have fallen into many times that have spurred on overthinking is that I have gotten lost in vague fears about a situation in my life. And so my mind running wild has created disaster scenarios about what could happen if I do something.

So I have learned to ask myself: honestly, what is the worst that could happen?

And when I have figured out what the worst that could happen actually is then I can also spend a little time to think about what I can do if that often pretty unlikely thing happens.

I have found that the worst that could realistically happen is usually something that is not as scary as what my mind running wild with vague fear could produce.

Finding clarity in this way usually only takes a few minutes of time and bit of energy and it can save you a lot of time and suffering.

7. Work out.

This might sound a bit odd.

But in my experience working out – especially with lifting weights – can help me to let go of inner tensions and worries.

It most often makes me feel more decisive and when I was more of an overthinker then it was often my go-to method of changing the headspace I was in to a more constructive one.

8. Spend more of your time in the present moment.

By being in the present moment in your everyday life rather than in the past or a possible future in your mind you can replace more and more of the time you usually spend on overthinking things with just being here right now instead.

Three ways that I often use to reconnect with the present moment are:
Slow down. Slow down how you do whatever you are doing right now. Move slower, talk slower or ride your bicycle more slowly for example. By doing so you become more aware of how you use your body and what is happening all around you right now.
Tell yourself: Now I am… I often tell myself this: Now I am X. And X could be brushing my teeth. Taking a walk in the woods. Or doing the dishes. This simple reminder helps my mind to stop wandering and brings my focus back to what is happening in this moment.
Disrupt and reconnect. If you feel you are getting lost in overthinking then disrupt that thought by – in your mind – shouting this to yourself : STOP! Then reconnect with the present moment by taking just 1-2 minutes to focus fully on what is going on around you. Take it all in with all your senses. Feel it, hear it, smell it, see it and sense it on your skin.

9. Spend more of your time with people who do not overthink things.

Your social environment plays a big part. And not just the people and groups close to you in real life. But also what you read, listen to and watch. The blogs, books, forums, movies, podcasts and music in your life.

So think about if there are any sources in your life – close by or further away – that encourages and tends create more overthinking in your mind. And think about what people or sources that has the opposite effect on you.

Find ways to spend more of your time and attention with the people and sources that have a positive effect on your thinking and less on the influences that tends to strengthen your overthinking habit.

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How to Live a Happy Life: 10 Things to Say Yes to Starting Today

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”
Marcus Aurelius

“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
Abraham Lincoln

“If you want happiness for an hour — take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day — go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year — inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime — help someone else.”
Chinese Proverb

Saying no is often the easier way out.

When you say no you can safely stay within your comfort zone. You don’t have to fear failing or being rejected. The scary unknown and sometimes difficult change can be avoided.

But if you say yes your life can expand and deepen. The yes allows you to open up your life to more happiness.

Today I would like to share 10 things that I have said yes to and that have helped me to become happier in my life.

Pick one of these that resonate the most with you and focus on making it a part of your life.

1. Being imperfect.

Trying to be perfect is setting the bar too high. It will be impossible to reach. And so you’ll lower your self-esteem. You may not feel very happy about how things are going in your life. Even though they might be going very well indeed.

Perfectionism is mindset that eats at you and your happiness. Saying yes to being imperfect can turn that around.

How to do it:

• Realize the costs of buying into myths of perfection. By watching too many movies, listening to too many songs and just taking in what the world is telling you it is very easy to be lulled into dreams of perfection. It sounds so good and wonderful and you want it.
  But in real life it clashes with reality and it can harm or possibly lead you to end relationships, jobs, projects etc. just because your expectations are out of this world. I find it very helpful to remind myself of this simple fact.
• Go for good enough. Aiming for perfection usually winds up in a project or something else very slowly or never being finished. So go for good enough instead. Don’t use it as an excuse to slack off. But simply realize that there is something called good enough and when you are there then you are finished with whatever you are doing.

2. Being you.

Not being able to be yourself, always trying to change for others or censoring yourself don’t feel good at all. It makes life feel so small and limited.

So how can you be yourself? Your environment plays a huge part.

How to do it:

• Supportive people. Spend more time with the people who support your dreams, values and you. Or are at least neutral. And spend less time with people who always criticize you or you simply aren’t a good fit for.
• Supportive and life-expanding influences outside of your everyday life. Change your environment not only close to you. Go further and spend more time with sources of information that supports your dreams and can give you information that expands and makes your life happier and more exciting. Find support from people you have never met via books, movies, blogs, forums and music. And spend less time with negative and limiting influences.

3. The things that make you come alive.

It is important to find some time and energy for the things that you feel makes you come alive.

How to do it:

• Mix it up. Try something new, even if it is just something small each week. Eat the vegetarian dish at lunch if you always eat meat. Listen to some music that isn’t your normal cup of tea. Go out to a movie, café or pub with friends if you usually stay in at night. Or vice versa. Create variation and expand your comfort zone regularly in small ways to live a happier life.
• Reconnect with what you used to love if it has fallen by the wayside. If you used to go fishing, paint or play the guitar and it really made you come alive then reconnect. Use an hour for it this week and see if it still brings you joy and makes you come alive.

4. Optimism.

Pessimism can really limit your life and bring it to a standstill. It can make it feel like there’s no point in trying because it won’t make a difference or you’ll just fail. It can create ceilings and walls made out of glass where there really are none.

Saying yes a more optimistic way of thinking can on the other hand open your life up.

How to do it:

• Ask yourself optimistic questions. When you’re in what seems like a negative situation then make something better out of it by asking yourself questions that promote optimism and helps you to find solutions. Questions like: What is one thing that is positive or good about this situation? And what is the opportunity within this situation?
• Start your day off on the right foot. As mentioned in tip #2, the influences in your life can make a huge difference. So choose to spend your breakfast time with an optimistic influence like for example a book, a blog or your mom. Or talk to someone early in the day that most often supports and cheers you up like a co-worker or a friend in school.

5. Turning negative self-talk around.

It is very important to keep your motivation and your self-esteem up to live a happier life.

Your inner critic may be one of biggest obstacles standing in your way of that. If you make a mistake or fail, if someone criticizes you or if you are just getting tired then that small inner voice can become louder and louder and drag and keep you down.

It can tell you that you are stupid or lazy. That you will not succeed. That you are worse or uglier than someone else.

Being able to turn the inner critic around or to shut it up as soon as it pops up is a very helpful skill.

How to do it:

• Say stop. Simply create a stop word or stop-phrase that you say or shout in your mind whenever your critic pipes up with a distorted and self-esteem hurting thought. Say: Stop! Or: No, no, no, we are not going there again!
• Explain to yourself what this will lead to over the next year or more. As I mentioned in tip #1, reminding yourself of the cost of buying into myths of perfection is a powerful way to replace those thought habits. This works very well for other self-esteem hurting thought patterns too. Remind yourself of how the inner critic has shaped your life so far. And in your mind see the cost of letting it roam free for another year or five.

6. Saying no when you feel it is the right thing for you to do.

To have the time and energy to say yes to the most important things you have to say no to some things too.

How to do it:

• What do I truly want to focus my time and energy on? When you get an offer or an opportunity arises ask yourself this question. When you look over your schedule ask yourself this question. Think about and look at what your top priorities are and what you deep want before you say anything.
• Disarm and then state your need. It becomes easier for people to accept your no if you disarm them first. You could for example do that by honestly saying that you are flattered or that you appreciate the kind offer. Then you, for instance, add that you do not have the time for accepting and doing what they want. Or say that you do not feel that this offer is a good fit for your life right now.

7. Forgiveness.

Not clinging to the past and to the hurt that is there but to let it go and look to the now and the future is an essential thing to find more happiness in your life.

Forgiving is not always easy and can take time but there are some things that can make it a little easier.

How to do it:

• Remind yourself that you forgive for your own benefit. As long as you don’t forgive someone you are linked to that person. Your thoughts will return to the person who wronged you and what he or she did over and over again.
  The emotional link between the two of you is so strong and inflicts much suffering in you and – as a result of your inner turmoil – most often in other people around you too. When you forgive you do not only release the other person. You set yourself free from all of that agony too.
• Make a habit of forgiving yourself. Do not just forgive others but also yourself. By forgiving yourself – instead of resenting yourself for something you did a week or 10 years ago – you make the habit of forgiveness more and more of a natural part of you. And so forgiving others becomes easier too.

8. Making someone else happy.

Making someone else happier has many benefits. The happiness spreads back to you as you see his or her face light up and as you know you did the right thing.

It spreads back to you as people have a strong tendency to want to give back when you have done something good for them. And it spreads out into the world as that now happier person may spread his or her happiness to other people.

How to do it:

• Help out practically. Lend someone a hand when they are moving. Or give them a ride in your car. Or if they need information, try to find a solution by asking the people you know or via Google.
• Just listen. Sometime a friend or someone close to you may just want to vent or for someone to listen as he or she figures things out. It may not seem like much but it can be an immense help for someone who needs it. So be there fully – don’t sit there thinking about something else – and listen.

9. Openness and growth.

Saying yes to being open to the good things in life and growing as a person plays a big role when it comes to happiness.

The other things in this article will help you with that. But here are two more tips that will make your journey a little easier and simpler.

How to do it:

• Change one thing at a time. Changing many things or your whole life at once sure sounds good. But willpower is something we often overestimate and everyday life tends to come in the way. So to make sure you have a much better chance of changing a habit or area of your life change just one thing at a time.
• Start small. Just say no to one small thing you don’t want to do this week. Or forgive one person for one thing. Or help and make someone happy in some small way. Take just one small step outside of your comfort zone.

10. To living your life fully despite setbacks.

When things have been standing still for while or you hit a bump in the road then it’s easy to back down. To shrink. To give in or give up.

But a better way to say yes to happiness in those situations is to say yes to living your life fully.

How to do it:

• Keep going. When you fail or make a mistake don’t give up. Reconnect with optimism by using the questions further up in this article. Find inspiration from books and blogs and the people around you. Don’t beat yourself up. Instead nudge yourself back on track again.
• Remember, it’s not too late to change your life. I didn’t really try to improve my life very much until I was 25. And many throughout the world and history have made positive changes far later in life than that. So if you want to make a change then start today. Work with what you have where you are right now. Start small and take the first step towards something new.

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5 Essential Positive Character Traits For A Better Life

You have everything within you to achieve your best life possible.

The great thing is that all success is learnable. You can learn any character traits to make yourself a more successful person.

There are many ways that you can become successful and many different meanings of the word success. Here are five important, character traits that one must learn to develop to achieve success and a better life.

1) Common Sense

The first and most important of the personal qualities needed for success is, common sense. It is said that the average person has an enormous amount of common sense because he or she hasn’t used any of it yet.

Common sense seems to be something that a person accumulates as the result of experience over a long period of time.

Common sense is defined as the, “Ability to cut to the core of a matter, to recognize and deal with the essential elements of a problem or a situation, rather than getting sidetracked by smaller issues or symptoms.”

Another definition of common sense is, “The ability to learn from experience and then to apply those lessons to subsequent experiences.”

Common sense was seen as the core of all personal qualities that enabled a person to become increasingly more effective over time.

2) Be Good At What You Do

The second of all the personal qualities needed for success is that of expertise. Most successful people are very good at what they do and they know they are very good.

They have learned, practiced, reflected, and have gotten better and better until they are recognized by their peers as being among the very best in their fields.

This feeling of being the best is an absolute prerequisite for achieving a better life and it starts with great self-confidence.

3) Self-Reliance

Men and women who are respected by others tend to look primarily towards themselves for the answers to their questions and for the solutions to their problems. They are highly self-responsible.

They do not blame others or make excuses when things go wrong. They regard themselves as the primary creative forces in their own lives.

They volunteer for tough assignments, and they are willing to take charge when something needs to be done.

4) Intelligence Is More Than IQ

Intelligence seems to be a key requirement for success in any field. However, intelligence is not necessarily measured in terms of IQ.

Many of the most notable men and women alive today did poorly in school. They got low grades or no grades, and many of them had not completed university or even high school. Do not let something such as IQ hold you back. There is nothing that you can’t learn with knowledge.

5) Become Results-Oriented

This means that you know that you are capable of getting the results for which you are responsible. All highly respected men and women are recognized as being the kind of people who can get the job done, whatever it is. They are invariably decisive, result oriented people.

They are highly results-oriented because they have a bias for action and a sense of urgency. They have trained themselves to be extremely capable of doing whatever is required. Bigger and better jobs and responsibilities seem to flow to them. The world tends to step aside and make way for the person who knows what he or she is doing and knows where he or she is going.
For A Better Life, Get In Tune With Your Best Positive Character Traits

One of the most intelligent things that you can do is to get better at the most important things you do to get the results that determine your success. The better your results, the higher the chances are of you achieving a better life for yourself. By becoming intensely results-oriented, you will secure a better life for yourself.

Do you consider yourself results-oriented or a person who has common sense? Please share any comments below! Discover your current level of self-confidence and how to take action toward building greater confidence in yourself.

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The Power of Habit: 4 Steps to Creating Good Habits

People tend to think that habits are unbreakable. They feel it’s exceedingly difficult to change habits for the better. After all, that’s why so many people struggle to lose weight, quit smoking, or beat procrastination.

But, what if I told you that was wrong?

Habits can be changed. Not only that but changing a habit is easier than you think. What it does involve is thinking about them differently.

He uses a combination of research backed science and his experiences of habit change to take the reader through how to make changes in their lives.

In this post, you’re going to learn the four steps Duhigg has found that helps to get rid of good habits and create new ones.

How Habits Are Formed

We develop habits over time by creating a loop that we repeat over and over again. It’s that loop that cements habits in our minds.

There’s a three-step process that goes into every habit you form:
Cue
Routine
Reward

In basic terms, here’s how it works:

A habit is formed when a cue signals a routine that provides the brain with a reward.
When that feedback loop is created, your brain shuts off when it comes to making decisions about that loop.

This is why it’s so common for a smoker to automatically have a cigarette after their morning coffee. They’ve done that action so many times it’s cemented itself as a loop in their brain. More often than not, they light up without even thinking.

It’s also why these seemingly routine tasks are so difficult to break. When smokers are trying to quit will talk about how the hardest time to avoid smoking is during that morning coffee. It’s because when that cigarette is removed the loop is broken, and the reward is gone.

Understanding that loop is the key to success with any habit is replacing a “bad”habit with a “good” one. You do that by replacing the reward portion of the loop.


(We’ll cover each of these steps a little bit more in depth later on, so keep reading!)

The secret to success is finding a “good” reward that replaces the craving.

In this case, maybe the coffee is the reward, not the cigarette. So it could be possible that by keeping the coffee and removing the cigarette the reward is still there, thus making it a lot easier to stop smoking with that morning coffee.


Creating “Good” Habits

One way you can look at this is through creating Keystone Habits. These are like good habit dominos when you have one good keystone habit; others begin to fall in line.

Losing weight is a common place where creating a keystone habit can make a massive difference with success. We all know it can be difficult to lose weight, many people struggle with it.

What Duhigg found, however, was that researchers began to see one keystone habit that helped people to lose weight over and over again. It wasn’t exercise or drinking more water; it was keeping a food journal.

Seems simple, right? But in reality, this practice is a fantastic example of a keystone in action.

The food journal let dieters keep track of exactly what they ate. Because of this, they were able to identify foods that were bad, see if they fell into common traps, and make small dietary changes.

All of these ‘small wins’ can dramatically add up to significant weight loss over time and reinforce a positive habit loop.

Alright, so now you’re probably wondering how you can start accomplishing some of those New Year’s Resolutions and finally create good habits that stick.


How to Change a Habit (in Four Easy Steps)

Through all of his research and personal experiences in the book, Duhigg found there is a four step framework to replace a “bad” habit with a “good one.”

We’re going to look at each of the steps in the framework below.

Step 1: Identify The Routine

We know every habit has three main parts: the cue, routine, and reward. Here, the first step is to think about the habit you want to change.

Once you’ve identified a specific habit, the next thing you need to do is walk through the routine associated with that habit. So you want to think about the “the reward driving your behavior, the cue triggering it, and the routine itself.”

If you’re a smoker, think about what you do every time you light up. If you have a killer sweet tooth, try to note what is happening when you go for that cookie after dinner. And, If you consistently give up when trying, new things look at the routine around how you’re setting yourself up for success.

Duhigg found he was gaining weight because every day he went to the cafeteria at the New York Times (where he’s a writer), would buy a cookie, and eat it while chatting with friends.

This habit was the routine. It’s going to be the action you take around something.
Remember, when habit loops form, the brain just goes through the motions. What you need to do is start training your brain to think again. To change that routine, you need to get your brain kickstarted again and involved in the feedback loop.


Step 2: Experiment With Rewards

When it comes to bad habits, the reason why you stick with them is that of the reward. If your body and brain get something out of a habit, then the brain is going to keep doing it.

More often than not, it’s this reward that is the entire reason why you’re stuck in a bad habit loop. The reward is what is the response to the craving; the reward satisfies it.

What you need to do is see if you can find a new reward that will still give your craving the same satisfaction but removes the negative action.

Here’s where you are going to have to do a little bit of scientific (well not so scientific) testing. Try experimenting with different rewards.

So, the next time you’re craving a smoke with your morning coffee, try a few other routines and see if anything works. Here are a few ideas:
Have a glass of water
Chat with a friend or coworker
Do squats for 30 seconds
Look at a picture of your pet


Do that for a few days or a few weeks until you can start seeing some patterns. And right after you try each new routine, Duhigg advises you do two important things.
Write down the first three words that come to your mind
Wait 15 minutes to see if you are still feeling the craving

This makes it easier to track to see what’s working and what isn’t. If your new routine is making you miserable, note that. If you feel great 15 minutes after looking at a picture of your puppy, then you’ve begun the process of creating a replacement loop.


Step 3: Isolate The Cue
Every habit has a trigger and finding this is the key to changing your habits. Unfortunately, this is typically the hardest part.

The reason?

According to Duhigg, researchers have found that our brains are just constantly bombarded with too much information, too many inputs to quickly determine what the primary cue is.

Fortunately, there are ways to find the signal in all that noise. Duhigg talks about five major cues that almost every habit falls into:
Location
Time
Emotional State
Other People
Immediately preceding action

Here’s an example straight from the book that will help you understand. Duhigg found he had gotten into the bad habit of eating cookies every afternoon. He’d go to the cafe, buy a cookie (or two) and chat with coworkers.

He wanted to stop this habit and save his waistline, but it was hard to determine exactly what the cue was.

From the book:

So, if you’re trying to figure out the cue for the ‘going to the cafeteria and buying a chocolate chip cookie’ habit, you write down five things the moment the urge hits (these are my actual notes from when I was trying to diagnose my habit):
Where are you? (sitting at my desk)
What time is it? (3:36 pm)
What’s your emotional state? (bored)
Who else is around? (no one)
What action preceded the urge? (answered an email)

He wrote down what happened when he felt the urge for the cookie for a week and found one interesting tidbit.

Every time he wanted a cookie it was around 3:30 pm. This hour long period was the cue. To change this habit, he had to do something else to get a new reward.
This is where having a plan comes in.


Step 4: Have a Plan

Once Duhigg was able to identify the cue, he needed to come up with a plan to change it. Having a plan is the critical point here. After you’ve done the hard work of realizing what the cue is in the habit you want to change, you need to attack it with a specific plan.

Remember, because your habit is set in motion, it means your brain does it automatically. The point of the plan is to help re-wire this habit.

So, back to the example above.


After tracking his behavior and asking the questions he saw that the real ‘reward’ he got from going to the cafe wasn’t the cookie, it was able to chat with co-workers for a few minutes. He wanted to socialize.

Here is the plan he came up with:


“AT 3:30, EVERY DAY, I WILL WALK TO A FRIEND’S DESK AND TALK FOR 10 MINUTES.”

It didn’t go perfectly at first. The brain is tricky that way. Realize that forming a new habit loop is hard and prepare for the fact that you will fall off the wagon. That’s where the plan can help.

After a few weeks, Duhigg didn’t need an alarm or note to get himself up and chatting with a friend at 3:30 pm, he did it automatically. He was able to dramatically reduce his cookie buying, lost weight, made new friends, and felt much better.

His brain had re-wired a new habit.


Final Thoughts

As you go through the process of trying to change your habits, remember what Duhigg calls The Golden Rule of Habit Change:


“YOU CAN’T EXTINGUISH A BAD HABIT, YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE IT.”

Anything you want to change, you can. Just put the above steps into practice. It won’t always be easy, but once you start locking down those small wins, then the sky is the limit.

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How To Make Your Own Happiness

Happiness comes to a person when it is caused by something, such as the person achieving a much-desired goal. Happiness also comes when the person recognizes something of value - seeing children playing together joyfully makes the parent happy. Happiness can be caused by expectation of future good fortune, as the happiness of a couple in a romantic relationship. Happiness has causes. It can be had by anyone who is able to bring about and recognize a suitable cause. Below are 6 ways to bring a little more happiness into your life.

Be aware of resources that can be used to achieve your goals -

Everyone has a large number of valuable skills that are not often appreciated: the ability to communicate and interact with people, the ability to set priorities when scheduling tasks, and many other such abilities. Your abilities are valuable. They can help you get what you want. So give them the consideration they deserve. Be proud of all of your abilities and skills. Take some delight in using them and they will stay with you and likely develop further.

Feel good when you succeed -

Savor the successes that your abilities and your resources allow you to achieve. The more you enjoy your successes, the more you will strive for and achieve success. It's a self-perpetuating circle that brings rewards and happiness.

Ask for what you want -

It's a way to make your life better. If it doesn't take away from someone else's happiness, then there's no reason to not ask. It is a tool you should feel good about using because it can produce good results. For example, you can ask someone to baby sit your kids while you get an r 'n' r break. You can ask advice on how to do something. You can ask at a university or state employment center for help in choosing a career.

Be willing to take chances to get what you want -

Yeah, sometimes you will fail. Sometimes you will suffer consequences. Just make a logical judgment about whether the possible benefits are worth the risks. If you decide it's worth it, then go for it. If you fail, so what. If you fail many times, so what. You still might succeed the next time, or the time after that. As long as the possible benefits are worth the cost, keep trying. And feel good about it. 

Be alert to what is good in your life -

Try to adopt a mode of operation of giving attention to the good things. If you aren't aware of what you got going for you, then you are missing out on feeling good about those good things. Being happy requires at least some recognition of what makes life valuable and worthwhile. The more you are aware of the good things in life, the more joy and pleasure you will feel. And to help stay alert generally, do what you can to stay healthy, exercise often, and strive for variety and new experiences.

Go about making your life better -

Take an interest in self-improvement. Be concerned with ways to make your life better. That will allow you to see opportunities to make it better. Some of those opportunities won't work out. The ones that do, make your efforts well worth it.

I would LOVE to hear what you think - let me know in the comments :-) 

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How to Overcome Perfectionism: 6 Powerful Habits

“Certain flaws are necessary for the whole. It would seem strange if old friends lacked certain quirks.”
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

“People throw away what they could have by insisting on perfection, which they cannot have, and looking for it where they will never find it.”
Edith Schaeffer

One of the most common challenges that people email me about – and I myself have had quite a bit of trouble with – is perfectionism.

It’s an issue that can hold you back in life. Not only from achieving and finishing what you want.

But sometimes from even getting started. While at the same time draining your self-esteem and getting you stuck in a negative spiral where it can become harder and harder to start moving forward.

So today I’d like to share 6 things that have helped me – and still helps me to this day – with this destructive and distracting thought habit.


1. Go for good enough.

Aiming for perfection usually winds up in a project or something else never being finished. So go for good enough instead.

Don’t use it as an excuse to slack off. But simply realize that there is something called good enough and when you are there then you are finished with whatever you are doing.

So find a balance for yourself where you do good work and don’t slack off but at the same time don’t get lost in trying to improve and polish something too much.

How to find that balance? I have found my own balance through trial and error and experience.

2. Realize that you hurt yourself and the people around you by buying into myths of perfection.

By watching too many movies, listening to too many songs and just taking in what the world is telling you it is very easy to be lulled into dreams of perfection. It sounds so good and wonderful and you want it.

But in real life it clashes with reality and tends to:
Cause much suffering and stress within you and in the people around you.
Harm or possibly lead you to end relationships, jobs, projects etc. just because your expectations are out of this world.

I find it very helpful to remind myself of these simple facts.

Whenever I get lost in a perfectionist headspace I remind myself that it will cause me and my world harm. And so it become easier to switch my focus and thoughts because I want to avoid making destructive choices and avoid causing myself and the people closest to me unnecessary pain.

3. Accept that you are human and so are everyone else.

Set human standards for everyone and accept that life is like that.

Everything and everyone has flaws and things don’t always go as planned. You can still improve things but they will never be perfect.

And realize that you won’t be rejected if things or you aren’t perfect. At least not by reasonably well-balanced human beings, like most people actually are in reality.

4. Compare yourself to yourself.

Comparing yourself to other people on a regular basis can easily lead to feeling inferior. There will always be a lot of people ahead of you in any area of life.

So compare yourself to yourself…
See your improvement, see how far you have come.
Look back at what you have overcome.
Appreciate yourself and focus what you have done and are doing rather than what everyone else is doing.

5. Do what you think is the right thing.

So you realize that perfectionism will harm you and you try to avoid it. But people and media and the society around you have an influence over how you think and feel.

One of the best ways I have found to practically lessen that influence is by doing the right thing as much as possible. When you do that other people’s expectations have less and less power over you and you take more charge of your life.

Because by doing the right thing your self-esteem goes up and other people’s opinions about you and life will matter less to you. You have become stronger, more certain in who you are and you are not so easily swayed by external forces.

6. Shape an environment of human standards around you.

Emotions are contagious. So is perfectionism.

And even though you can lessen the impact that your environment has you can also work at the other end of things.

You can reshape your environment by for example:
Reducing or cutting out the sources that try to reinforce perfectionism in you. Take a little time to review what websites, magazines, podcasts, TV-shows and books you spend a lot of time with. Take a look at if they have realistic and positive expectations or views on you and on life. And if not, choose to spend more of your time with the sources that lift you up and support you.
Spending less time with nervously perfectionistic people. And more of your time each week with people who are trying to improve themselves and/or are living a good life in a positive, healthy and relaxed way.

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4 Tips To Improve And Boost Your Self-Confidence

Many people today believe that having self-confidence has something to do with ones accomplishments or societal status. Others think it has something to do with having a certain kind of body, the way one looks or even how popular they are with friends and society in general. The idea of self confidence is perhaps one that women need a lot of clarity on because often times we see promotions on what new thing to get, which make-up to use and which "fix you up" products that are all supposed to magically give you an increased sense of self-worth and greater confidence. But does any of this really work?

Personally I know it doesn't work at all for I started off trying to get rid of my insecurities, self-loathing and criticism by buying all the best things I could find to enhance my beauty and confidence.

What experience has shown me, which numerous researches conducted can now confirm is that nothing can increase your self-esteem and self- confidence. Your happiness, fulfillment and overall well-being is very much limited or expanded by your level of confidence and self-esteem. No external thing therefore can truly bring you joy and fulfillment or that sense of deserving except a belief in your own value, which is always determined by your level of inner confidence, and belief in your own Self.

In our modern and rapidly developing society where material possessions are considered a standard measure of value, more and more people are secretly battling with this idea and try to mask whatever emotions they might have by working harder than ever to get more stuff, bigger accolades and more social recognition in the hopes that this will in some way fill the inner void that continues to brew.

This is the worst way to build your success or your self-esteem because none of the outer possessions no matter how good will ever satisfy you or even last very long. They aren't meant to add or complete you where you feel a lack, when we use them for such, we welcome all the evils that divine teachings have warned us against.

What is self-confidence and where does it come from?

Confidence is defined as the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on something or someone. Self-confidence then is the feeling or belief that you can have faith in and rely on your Self.

It all comes from the Self and the error we have made far too many times is in making our capacity, abilities and sense of worth dependent on something other than self. Which brings me to the first point I wish to drive home, the self is the real, infinite and eternal you. But that self-experiencing your current life is under a certain belief, idea, concept about who and what it is. This idea is called self-image. It is the image of self that your mind has believed and defined as you. If this image is healthy and built or a right foundation then you have a great thriving lifestyle because your confidence is booming which means you're deliberately designing and generating the kind of conditions rolling out in your life. However if for one reason or another you didn't form a healthy and true image of self, then real confidence and belief in yourself is something you struggle with which naturally reflects on the quality of life you get to experience on a daily basis.

For the most part, we see all the erred views on self-confidence and self-esteem stemming out of this false paradigm and approach to the self, which causes people to look to the external rather than to the self for a strong, confident and a high sense of value and worth as human individuals simply from just "being" instead of doing or having a particular thing.

The difference between a person who's got a good healthy self-confidence and one who doesn't isn't about how they physically look, what they have or the kind of accomplishments they've made. It's a deeper more profound knowledge and understanding as well as complete appreciation and embracing of all that they are. One of the question's I get asked the most is: What can I do to increase my level of confidence? Here are a few ways:

1. Disentangle your real Self from your conceptions of self

The great endeavour we all need to frequently do as we often get lazy and get pulled back into mass kind of thinking is to disentangle the real Self from the beliefs attached to the self. The "I" in you is the real Self and is not the idea of you that you've formed throughout your lifetime. Your real Self is independent of all the conditions, labels and attachments you developed while on earth. It is this self that gives you life and makes it possible for you to even read this now.

This same self is the one you must learn to believe in, have faith and rely on implicitly. But since many people have no idea how to access or live from this self, the outside alternatives have continued to be promoted because humanity has long gotten used to the idea of looking for power outside in the world of effects. We find it difficult to trust in what is beyond our intellect and yet we can feel that all things tangible are limited. You self-confidence will increase greatly when you learn to tap into your real Self and live from that authentic and infinitely powerful aspect of your existence.

2. Learn the truth about perfection and imperfection

Mankind has gotten so used to the idea of being imperfect. It's drilled in almost all schools of life and the idea of perfection has been given such a bad humanistic and almost vain taste that stating it here I know will arouse the criticism of the uninitiated minds. But the truth always stands and it is that you are perfect! You were born perfect and that's why you innately feel as though you need to express it.

Because you are spiritually perfect, there is no need to ever believe that something needs to be added or fixed. No need to ever believe that you need to seek it because being already perfect, the process of human living is the progressive unfolding and evolving of that inherent perfection. Start viewing yourself as such and life will show you just how perfect you can be as long as you continue progressively moving forward with ease and confidence in who you really are.

3. Discover the biggest war zone in the world and heal it

This is a big one for most people everywhere. Do you know that one of the biggest and hardest habits to break for the human being is that of self-judgment? Neuroscience found this to be one of the most detrimental habits most people indulge in almost unconsciously.

Within your mind is an ever on-going conversation about everything you are experiencing and especially about yourself. This conversation needs to be guarded and reshaped to reflect the kind of lifestyle you wish to manifest before you can hope to have it as your reality. If that conversation is only fault-finding, blaming, arguing and criticizing it will be very difficult for you to ever feel good enough or worthy of a good life. People spend so much time worried about the outside world while if only they could go quiet and listen in, they would soon discover a similar war going on internally.

4. Learn to embrace

Embrace all of you. Not just the good parts but all of you... Ambiguity is natural to you because you exist as Body - Mind - Spirit. When you discover the kind of image you have attached to your "I", it's probable you'll even feel ashamed that you attached such a disgraceful belief to yourself and let it define who you are. We all experience that - but what you need to know is that it doesn't really matter anymore as long as you're now awake and ready to take action and create an image that truly reflects the kind of person you want to be. Hiding, feeling ashamed or guilty over the things you discover from your old beliefs and mindset does nothing except harm you and keep you stuck.

Don't forget these are just a few tips on a very deep topic that every individual needs to work on intimately because it makes all the difference in the quality of life. I have a lot more on this topic and you can have more access in greater details of ways to help you recreate your self-image.

Above all else, understand that changing yours self-image and improving your confidence requires time and consistent practice because it's a major factor in mastery of self. As with all things, the mastery requires certain consistent effort and practice to be invested before the great harvest can be enjoyed. But every step along the way will already move you closer to your ultimate goal and small manifestations that help you track your progress will always be noted so keep working at it, start with these simple ideas and trust that you are all it takes to be this new you that you want to bring into physical reality.

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14 Ways To Procrastinate Productively

For too long I’ve sat idly by while the good name of procrastination is dragged through the muck. For the sake of getting things done we’re advised to banish, kill, and avoid procrastination without any acknowledgment of the good it’s done.

We owe procrastination. Big time. It’s responsible for our best ideas and busiest hours. Used effectively, procrastination is a powerful motivator and source of inspiration.

Structured Procrastination

Productive procrastination falls into two categories, structured and unstructured. With structured procrastination (via pmarca, via via 43F) you use the desire to avoid an important task as motivation to crank out dozens others. Anything to postpone what you really need to do, right?

Whenever I need to avoid something important, I turn to a few tasks that rarely get the attention they deserve.

• Get Organized – There’s no better way to feel productive while avoiding the inevitable than organizing your home or work space. Without procrastination my desk would be perpetually cluttered and the dishes would never get done.
• Network – Have a bunch of contacts you should really touch base with but don’t have the time? Procrastination is a great opportunity to politely reply to nonessential email. Taking the time to stay in touch with people pays dividends in the long-run.
• Plan Ahead – The only thing better than actually doing something is thinking/talking about doing something. Take the time to identify, record, and schedule all your tasks, obviously leaving the most important for last.
• Odds and Ends – Procrastination is the best time to find closure for everything that’s on your mind. Use it as an excuse to investigate and resolve issues that have been nagging you.
• Meetings – If you’re not going to be productive, you might as well take other people down with you.
• Errands – Need to schedule a dentist appointment? How about that oil change? Procrastination is capable of making the most tedious and trivial errands appealing.
• Get Up To Date – Have a bunch of dull reports and memos you should probably read? They’re starting to look a lot more interesting.
• Assist Others – If you’re not going to do your own work, you can at least deliver on the help you promised your colleague last week.

Unstructured Procrastination

Structured procrastination is a great way to keep busy, but sometimes that doesn’t cut it. When you’d rather not do anything work related, unstructured procrastination is the way to go. It might seem like laziness, but what’s wrong with that?

Unstructured procrastination is essential for recharging creative energy and allowing the unconscious mind to work on difficult problems. These are 6 productive ways to avoid work completely.

• Go to Lunch – You need to eat, might as well do it now so you can’t use it as an excuse later.
• Exercise – Same as lunch, with the added benefit of increased alertness.
• Take a Walk – A casual walk is a great way to unburden your mind and allow great ideas to come to you.
• Relax – If you feel a strong desire to procrastinate, there’s probably a reason behind it. Relax ation is important for a healthy productive lifestyle, why not do it now when you can’t get anything else done?
• Come Up With a Great Idea – This one can’t exactly be completed on demand, but studies have shown that entrepreneurs and other creative people tend to get their best ideas during down time.
• Read a Good Book – If you’d rather not think for yourself, you might as well absorb the great ideas someone else took the trouble to record.

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