Overcoming Envy: What Envy Teaches You

Envy gets a bad rap. The ancient Greek philosopher Antisthenes described it as corrosive ("As iron is eaten away by rust, so the envious are consumed by their own passion.") Envy is established as one of the seven deadly sins - hardly a list of traits that we celebrate.

Yet we all feel it. Envy is part of the human experience. Instead of judging envy as wrong or bad, is there something we can do with it?

Envy begins with social comparison. Social comparison is a psychological process where we try to determine our own personal worth by comparing ourselves to others. So often, the result is we see ourselves as not measuring up.

Research shows that this process of comparison happens continually and automatically, underneath our awareness. And it sets us up for an inevitable deflation of confidence and self-esteem, what I call "compare and despair".

What we may not recognize is how shame is at the root of this despair. Shame is a deeply felt sense that we are defective, inadequate or not good enough. Shame is fuel for envy. When we look at somebody else and feel envy, it's not just that someone has acquired or achieved something, but that we believe we are unable to acquire or achieve something like it.

Well, that stinks.

But, wait. What if there is a positive side to envy?

Because, when we are in despair, we are missing something important: envy is information. Envy is giving you clues about what you desire. Look at your envy to start following the clues. Ask yourself:

Who do I envy?

What is it about them that generates envy?Since social comparison happens so quickly, envy can be vague, like a cloud around the person to whom you are comparing yourself. You feel it but you may not know why.

When you identify the source, envy becomes specific. You can examine it more closely.

Now this is where it gets really good, because envy gives you the opportunity to challenge the assumptions that underlie it.

Consider the source of your envy. Ask yourself:

Is it something I really want?

Do I think I can have it? Or can I attain something similar or create a similar feeling for myself?Let's say, for example, that you envy your neighbors who own a boat. They take their boat out on the water every weekend and it pains you each time they head out on Saturday morning.

Is it the boat you really want (with all of its associated responsibilities like dock fees and storage, maintenance and repairs, insurance and fuel, equipment and supplies)?

Or is it a sense of freedom? wealth? escape? (or something else?) that the boat represents for you?

There is no right or wrong answer - it's about understanding what you really want. Because when you know what you want you can begin to deliberately bring it into your life.

This is how you transform envy, by utilizing it as a tool to help you understand:

What you really want, what you value, what success looks like for you

How you can generate that for yourselfWhen you are clear about what's most important and what it looks like in your life, you can start building it for yourself.

What other people have and do becomes so much less significant. Comparisons won't matter. And you'll be happier when you are focused on your life, rather than on the lives of others.

Source: 

Why It’s Important to Find Good Teachers & Mentors

“Fear not what is not real, never was and never will be. What is real, always was and cannot be destroyed.” – Bhagavad Gita

“You will never get a job!”

“You will be a failure for the rest of your life!”

“I wonder who can love someone like you?”

“You are stupid!”

When I was a young boy, I regularly heard such things from a particular teacher at school. She always seemed frustrated and told such things to all the kids in class. She would call us names, criticize us and created a sense of fear in all us children.

I, luckily, didn’t pay much attention to her, because I used to read the Bhagavad Gita as a small boy. I learnt how everything happening in this world is temporary and not real, it is all Maya – an illusion. This helped me to fade her out.

But I know not everyone was as fortunate as me. Lots of adults today suffer because of such teachers they may had had in school.

A lot of us have been subjected to such words as children and this impacts us on a deep, sub-conscious level as we grow up. Most of us don’t even realize the damage till much later and where our feelings of fear, low self-esteem, anger and hatred actually come from.

The Importance of Finding Good Teachers


What we hear as children has a big impact on our future. Many people are not able to recognize and change this negative thought process that keeps creating problems and conflicts in their lives. It is like a virus that has entered a perfectly designed and functioning software.

They always seem to have trouble at work, they always feel inadequate, they have failed relationships and feel nobody loves them. This is because as children, they were never taught about how special they are and are an expression of divine love.

This becomes a vicious cycle. They send out the same negative messages and energy out into the world – to their partners, to their colleagues, to their children and to everyone else who comes in contact with them.

We have all meet people who send out a negative vibe, haven’t we? This is nothing but the energy they have within them. It is the thoughts they have been carrying inside them for years.

It is like a raging forest fire that starts with a simple spark.

And this is why it is very important to have good teachers.

On the bright side, the effects of such passive abuse can be gradually reversed as thoughts, patterns and habits can all be changed.

A computer that has been infected by a virus can be very easily fixed by a complete re-formatting and a good anti-virus software. It is the same for us as human beings. If you are facing negative thoughts from childhood, the first thing to do is erase them.


Find Good Teachers


There are various systems that can be used to erase them. The best way is to be in the company of good teachers. And remember, a teacher isn’t only someone who teaches in a classroom. Find and be with people who send out the energies of love, happiness and pure bliss.


Once you are in the company of good people, you will feel their positive energy, love and thoughts rubbing onto you. You will start feeling energized and gradually the old, negative thought process will be replaced by a new positive one.

As you start spending time with good teachers, you will learn about the books they read, the websites and forums they are a part of and the daily practices they follow to keep their mind, body and soul healthy.


Where to Find Good Teachers?

This is something I have experienced personally – whatever our heart desires we find a way to find it. I consider myself to be a perpetual learner and have been blessed to find great teachers and friends everywhere. For instance, I have met beautiful people online through forums.

Once you start searching and send out a message into the Universe that you want to change your thought process and you want to change your life, incredible things will start happening.


Everyone around us can teach us something. You don’t always have to enroll for a course or sign up for a seminar to learn something new. If you notice around you, nature itself can teach you so much about unconditional love.

If you have ever observed an animal, say a dog or a bird, you will realize how they respond to love. They don’t care about anything else, but simply love.

The more love you give, the more you attract it. This works in every sphere of life. Even at work, if you genuinely love and be compassionate towards your customers, employees and employers you will experience incredible change.

Even bad teachers and people who are negative teach us a lot. By observing them, we can learn what not to do and how not to be.

Today, when I look back and remember my teacher in school, I realize she probably wasn’t aware of what she was doing. She herself was a victim of the emotions of hate, fear and anger. I send her love and hope she discovers peace.


Schools and Workplaces


For a better world, we need to ensure that schools and workplaces detect and observe negative behavior.

Teachers need to be made aware of the immense responsibility they carry. They need to be made to understand the importance of love, compassion, empathy and positive thoughts.

Similarly, at the workplace, managers and employers need to be made aware of the way their words impact employee behavior. By changing their words and attitude, they can bring in an atmosphere where everybody is happy, eager to learn and grow.


So many of us would be so much happier at work and in life if everyone simply understood the importance of good teachers. The greatest boon of being a human being is that we can self-learn.

So even if everyone around us is negative, we can still take the first step by inculcating positive thoughts and being happy ourselves.

Irrespective of what is happening on the outside, being blissful is our natural state.

We'd love to meet you. Why not join our FREE private Facebook Community at www.masteringsuccess.group

Source

7 Power Tips to Jumpstart Your Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is the ideas, values, and beliefs that you hold about yourself and how you feel that you are viewed and perceived by the world. Your self-esteem feeds your self-concept, which in turn fuels your mental health and overall sense of well-being.

According to Nathaniel Branden: "If you feel inadequate to face challenges, feel unworthy of love and respect, un-entitled to happiness, fear assertive thoughts wants and needs; if you lack basic self-trust, self-respect and self-confidence, your self-esteem deficiency will limit you no matter what other assets you possess."

People with healthy self-esteem strive to reach their full potential; they see themselves as being competent, confident and capable of achieving their goals and desires.

If your self-esteem is in need of a boost, look no further - here are 7 powerful tips that will jump-start your self-esteem.

1. Control the Inner Critic: Try to stop thinking negative thoughts about you. Let go of your shortcomings, start thinking about the positive qualities that you possess. Counter your negative thinking by saying something positive about yourself. Each day, write down three things about yourself that you are proud of.

2. Reframe Your View of Mistakes: Give yourself a break and accept that you will make mistakes. View your mistakes as learning opportunities that make people interesting. Mistakes provide you with important information - you now know what doesn't work. Think of Thomas Edison and the invention of the light bulb; how many mistakes did he make before finally succeeding?

3. Know and Operate from Your Own Personal Values: Realize once and for all that your self-worth and self-esteem is defined by you and only you. You cannot rely on someone else for your happiness. Another person's view of you is immaterial. Happiness and self-esteem comes from inside of you!

4. Get out of Your Own Head: Know when you are looping and circulating thoughts in your own head. Find and list ways that you can use to shift and change your physiology quickly. Exercise, connect with nature, listen to music, etc. Stop thinking about you. This may sound strange, but low self-esteem is often accompanied by too much focus on the self. Doing something that absorbs you and holds your attention can quickly get you out of yourself and help you to feel better.

Clear out the junk: This means anything hurtful and unconstructive that you've been told by someone you care for, cared about, (or even someone you didn't) is to be taken with a grain of salt. It is one thing to be given constructive feedback in life, but quite another when people are downright mean and unkind. Remember it's the offending party's issue, NOT yours. Take what applies when receiving feedback and leave the rest

5. Set goals: List at least three things that you would love to have the courage to do. Then formulate a plan to actually do them. Set yourself up for success by breaking big goals into daily action steps and take time to acknowledge and celebrate the small successes. This will feed your need for recognition and provides the extra push to keep you moving forward. Rewards could be as simple as giving your self permission to enjoy hat delectable piece of cheesecake you saw in the bakery or as huge as giving yourself a dream vacation. Either way, it is important for you to celebrate your successes.

6. Develop Your Silly Bone: Become a Master of Silliness a Guru of Play. Bring more laughter and fun into your life. Make a list of what you love to do, starting from childhood until now, and try to find time to do it at least once a week, even if it's just for a few minutes.

Enjoy spending time with the people you care about and doing the things you love. Relax and have a good time - and avoid putting your life on hold.

7. The single most important power technique that you can take to improve the quality of your life is that of gratitude. Being grateful and counting your blessings for the simplest things can be the most empowering thing that you can do for your mental health. You begin to notice your strengths, you begin to see what you have, you begin to appreciate the simple things in life, including being grateful for the things people actually take for granted, such as food and shelter, access to a computer, etc.

Self-esteem is very much a state of mind. Just as you can train your mind to be happy, you can teach and train yourself to have higher self-esteem. People with healthy self-esteem have a strong sense of self-efficiency; that is, they feel that they are in control and have power over their lives. It is only through the development of healthy self-esteem that you can fully reach your maximum potential.

We'd love to meet you. Why not join our FREE private Facebook Community at www.masteringsuccess.group

Source

How to Not Take Things So Personally: 6 Helpful Habits

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”
Mahatma Gandhi

A very common problem that can drag your self-esteem down or build up so much anger that steam may start to come out of your ears is to take things too personally.

And so you may try to grow some thicker skin and let criticism, negativity or verbal attacks just wash off of you.

But that’s often easier said than done.

So in this week’s article I’d like to share 6 habits that really work for me – at least in most cases – and helps me to reduce the stress, anger and hurt in my life.

I hope they’ll be useful for you too.

1. Breathe.

Just focus on your breathing for a minute or two (or for a few breaths if that’s all the time you got).

Focus only on the air going in and out of your nose. Nothing else.

This simple exercise helps you to calm your mind and body down a bit. It helps you to create a bit of space between you and what has just happened and by doing so you’re less likely to have a knee-jerk reaction and to, for example, lash out verbally at the other person.

Going about things this way makes it easier to respond to the situation in the way you may deep down want to.

2. Get clarification.

Don’t jump to conclusions based on what you may have just misunderstood and let that drag you down in to anger or feeling sorry for yourself.

Instead, ask questions if possible to help clarify a bit about what the other person meant.

And, if you can, explain how what he said makes you feel. We have different perspectives and ways of communicating and he might not, for instance, realize that it came across as a bit harsh or rude.

3. Realize that everything isn’t about you.

It’s very easy to fall into the trap of thinking that criticism or verbal attacks you receive are about you or something you did.

But it may simply be about the other person having a bad day, week or year. Or about how they are miserable at their job or in their marriage at this time.

And so they release some pent up emotions and tensions at you who is simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Remind yourself of this when you wind up in a situation where you are likely to take things personally.

And if you find yourself in a relationship of any kind with a person who is repeating this negative pattern over and over again then it may be time to consider spending less time with him or even no time at all.

4. Talk it out.

When something gets under your skin and you start to take it personally then you can get stuck in a negative spiral of sinking self-esteem that just gets stronger and stronger.

Break out of that or prevent it by letting what happened out into the light. Talk it over with someone close to you and let your friend share her perspective on what happened.

Maybe she knows something about how the person that verbally attacked you is going through a tough time.

Or she could just listen and through that help you to sort things out for yourself and ground you in a more level-headed perspective on what happened.

5. Ask yourself: is there actually something here that could help me?

This one can be a tough one to ask yourself. And it may not always lead to something.

But by asking it so you can sometimes empower yourself. You can find one or more steps to take to improve whatever the criticism was about. You can start moving forward again and regain confidence in yourself and in what you can do.

Instead of getting stuck in inaction and in replaying what happened over and over again in your head.

This one can be especially helpful if this is the fifth or tenth time you have heard the same thing from people. Then there might be something here you would like to work on (even if that might not be so fun to face).

6. Improve your self-esteem.

I’ve found that as I’ve learned to improve and keep my self-esteem steady things don’t get under my skin as often. I don’t take them so personally and I keep a healthier perspective and distance to them.

And so they tend bounce off quicker and not drag my day or week down.

One simple way to start improving your self-esteem today is to be kinder to the people in your own life.

You can:
Help them out.
Listen when they need to vent or a friend to find a better perspective.
Give a genuine compliment.
Encourage when the world may seem negative to them.

The way you treat other people is how they will most often treat you too in the long run.

And, more importantly for your self-esteem, when you are kinder towards others then you tend to treat and think of yourself in a kinder way too.

Source

15 Simple Ways to Spread Happiness and Kindness Around You

“Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

“Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.”
Albert Schweitzer

“A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees.”
Amelia Earhart

A very simple way to spread more happiness in your own little world is through kindness. It’s often an easy and quick thing you can do as you move through your daily life.

But we sometimes forget about it. Or don’t remember how it can help us all.

Three things that I like to keep in mind and that help me to try to be a kinder person are these:
I get what I give. Yep, some people will be ungrateful, miserable and not reciprocating no matter what you may do. But most people will over time treat you as you treat them.
By being kinder to others I am more likely to be kinder to myself.It may sound a bit odd but my experience is that when I am kinder towards others then my self-esteem goes up.
It creates a happier place to live in. Being kinder simply makes my own little world a nicer and happier place to live in.


So how can you start spreading the kindness and happiness in your daily life?

Here are 15 simple ways to do it.



Pick one of them that resonates with you and start using it today.

1. Express your gratitude.

Think about what you can be grateful for about someone in your life. Maybe that he is a good listener, that he often is quick to help out or that he always adds great songs to a Spotify playlist. Or simply that he held up the door for you.

Then express that gratitude in a simple “thank you!” or in a sincere sentence or two.

2. Replace the judgements.

No one likes to be judged. And the more you judge other people the more you tend to judge yourself. So despite the temporary benefit of deriving pleasure from the judgements it is not a good or smart long-term habit.

When you feel the urge to judge ask yourself: what is one kind thing I can think or do in this situation instead?

3. Replace the un-constructive criticism.

Try encouragement instead of excessive criticism. It helps people to both raise their self-esteem and to do a better job.

And it will make things more fun and more light-hearted in the long run.

4. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

It is quite easy to resort to unkindness when you see things just from your perspective. Two questions that help me to see and to better understand other viewpoints are:
How would I think and feel it if I were in his or her shoes?
What parts of this person can I see in myself?

5. Recall how people’s kindness made you feel.

Just sit down for a few minutes and try to recall one time or a few times when other people’s kindness really touched you and helped you out.

Then think about how you can do those very same things for someone in your life.

6. Express kindness for something you may often take for granted.

It is easy to remember and to feel motivated to express kindness when someone is having a rough time or have just finished an important project.

But also remember to express kindness for how someone continues to put so much love into the dinners you eat. Or for being on time every day and doing their job well and keeping deadlines.

7. Hide a surprising and kind note.

Leave a small note with a loving or encouraging sentence in your partner’s or child’s lunchbox, hat, tea-container or book that he or she is reading right now.

That minute of your time will put a smile on her face and joy and motivation in her heart.

8. Just be there.

Listen – without thinking about something else – when someone needs to vent.

Just be there fully with your attention. Or have a conversation and help someone find his or her way out of fear and to a more constructive and grounded perspective.

9. Remember the small acts of kindness too.

Let someone into your lane while driving. Let someone skip ahead of you in a line if he’s in a real hurry. Hold up the door for someone or ask if they need help when you see them standing around with a map and a confused look.

10. Give someone an uplifting gift.
Someone in your life may have a bit of a tough time right now. Then send him or her an inspirational book or movie. Or simply send an email with a link to something inspiring or funny that you have found like a blog, podcast or a comic.

11. Help someone out practically.

Give them a hand when moving or with making dinner or arrangements before a party. If they need information, then help out by googling it or by asking knowledgeable people that you know.

12. Help the people in your life see how they make a difference in their lives.

When you talk to someone about his or her day or what has been going on lately then make sure to point out how he or she also has spread kindness and happiness. People are often unaware of the positive things they do or they minimise them in their own minds.

So help them to see themselves in a more positive light and to improve their own self-esteem.

13. Remember the 3 reasons for kindness at the start of this article.

It will help you to be kinder even when you may not always feel much like it. If you like, write those reasons down on a piece of paper and put that note where you can see it every day.

14. Pay it forward.

When someone does something kind for you – no matter how big or small – then try to pay that forward by being kind to someone else as soon as you can.

15. Be kinder towards yourself.

Then you will naturally treat other people with more kindness too. It is truly a win-win habit.

A simple way to start being kinder toward yourself is to each evening write down 3 things you appreciate about yourself and about what you have done that day in a journal.

Source

How to Stop Beating Yourself Up All the Time

“You can’t do this!”

“You just keep making the wrong decisions over and over.”

“Everyone else knows what they’re doing, what’s wrong with you?”

Does this voice sound familiar?

It’s your own — the words you might say in your head when you’re down on yourself. Self-criticism can often be healthy, as it is a sign of self-awareness. It can help you find ways to improve, build stronger relationships and grow.

But when self-criticism gets too harsh, it can be just the opposite. Too much self-criticism won’t lead to self-improvement. Instead, it can slowly wear away at your confidence and peace of mind and make it harder to achieve your personal goals.


Why Do We Beat Ourselves Up?

It is natural to experience doubt and strive to improve — but chronically thinking of yourself as not good enough can really negatively impact your well-being.

You likely wouldn’t appreciate the judgements and critiques of others or when someone is bullying or harassing a friend or loved one, so it’s obvious why self-criticism can be just as harmful.

What’s worse is we are often our own harshest critic. No one knows you better than yourself, so no one knows better than you how to get under your skin.

So what causes us to go from healthy self-criticism to legitimate self-bullying? One explanation is a lack of compassion towards oneself. Consider the negative voice in your head and the things it says to you. Would you direct those words toward other people?
Learning From the Past

This lack of kindness for oneself could be related to past emotional experiences. Children especially are susceptible to holding on to harsh criticism, feeling insecure and un-confident.

To avoid future criticism, we then set standards for ourselves. If these standards are not met, we then beat ourselves up. This can even lead to negative forms of perfectionism.

This mindset leads to a lack of energy or motivation, which makes it even harder to bounce back and think positively. It’s a vicious cycle.


How to Stop Beating Yourself Up


So what steps can you take toward beating back the self-bullying you and embracing a more positive mindset?

Here are a few tips to get you thinking:


1. Self-Awareness and Self-Kindness

The first step is to recognize when you’re putting yourself down. Self-awareness is at the root of all self-criticism, so you must also be aware of when you are treating yourself kindly and when you are self-deprecating.

Once you know you are needlessly beating yourself up, you won’t magically stop. However, you can counteract the negativity by complimenting yourself when you do something well. Acknowledge when you achieve a goal, even a small one.

Consider also the things that make you happy — again, even the small ones — each day. Write them down if it helps you to focus. You may be surprised that even though your day feels like it’s going badly, lots of good things happen throughout.

Do this especially at the end of the day when you’re trying to wind down. You can lose sleep when your mind is stressed with negative thoughts, which will further reduce your energy.

2. Don’t Compare Yourself to Other People

In times where you are failing, it can be easy to look around at other people who are doing well and compare ourselves to them.

However, you must take a step back and consider you are only seeing one perspective. That other person you see may be excelling in one area — but like you, they deal with a myriad of thoughts, feelings and problems you can’t know.

If you are aware you tend to compare yourself to others, begin to remind yourself you are your own person with your own path. You might be capable of the same successes you see others achieving, and it is possible to work toward them in your own way.

3. Recognize Your Failures as Learning Opportunities

You will fail sometimes. That is inevitable. It can happen in any area of your life. The key is to think of your failures in a more positive light. Any mistake is also an experience you can learn from, and the knowledge you gain will help you down the road:
Perhaps you are criticized by a supervisor for missing a deadline. You can’t change that mistake, but you can do your best on the next assignment.
Maybe you have an awkward social interaction with a colleague. You can’t undo it, but the next time you see them you can make up for it.
Maybe your failure is more severe, like a bad investment or getting scammed out of your money. What’s done is done, but next time you will have the experience and will know to do sufficient research about the business and industry or other opportunity you’re investing in.


Whatever the situation, you will always be learning — which means you will always be improving.


4. Be Patient

You won’t be able to get rid of all your negative thoughts at once. Old habits die hard, and learning to think positively takes time and practice.

Take these steps each day, and over time you may notice improvements in your mindset, your productivity, your motivation and your energy.

Ask others for help as well. Let those close to you know you are struggling and trying to improve yourself, and they will support you. You can even seek the help of a psychiatric professional to help guide your process.


Summary

There is a calm, reasonable you inside of the self-doubting and critical version of yourself.

In time, you can learn to let him or her shine.
Are you beating yourself up too much? Leave a comment below.

Source

How to Rise Above Negative People

We’ve all met people who seem to be deaf to insult and criticism.

As if by magic, unkind comments seem to run off their skin like water. Whether they laugh, give a sarcastic retort, or totally ignore the negativity of others, the event seems to evaporate from their mind within minutes. They move on to other, more exciting things.

The criticism is forgotten.

Most of us are not so lucky. Few people walk around advertising their sensitivity, so at times it may seem like a rare character trait.

However, when I reflect on the close friends and partners I’ve had over the years, I cannot remember a single one who did not identify as “sensitive” to a greater or lesser extent.

I certainly do. I will fight for my core beliefs and the causes I care about most, but otherwise try to maintain interpersonal harmony and positivity whenever possible.

I’m the kind of person who will ruminate about being honked at by another driver, still blushing five minutes after the honker has disappeared into the incessant Southern California traffic.

If a teacher ever has to say my name to get my attention, which is rare, I feel the need to apologize over and over. Even in these minor situations, hardly deserving of the term “negative,” my immediate tendency is to blame and criticize myself.

How to Rise Above Negative People

For a long time, I could not take criticism or negativity in stride. I wanted so badly to live in a world of constant peace, harmony, and politeness.

Whenever I found myself in a tense situation with a negative person, whether or not they were directly affronting me, I would try to apologize and blame myself in order to restore the peace.

I took every critique to heart, even if I was receiving constructive criticism from a close friend. Instead of dispelling negativity by blaming myself, I absorbed the negativity of others into my own body.

IN MY ATTEMPTS TO FIND PEACE IN THE WORLD, I SUCKED UP BAD FEELINGS LIKE A VACUUM.

Eventually, I learned how to deal with negativity and rise above it. Here are some of my realizations, which have allowed me to find inner and outer peace even in the face of negative interactions.

1. Change Your Mind-set about the Negativity You Receive

My problem was entwined in my mind-set about relationships and the source of unkindness and negative interactions.

If people were rude to me, I took it as a personal criticism. I thought that when other people were negative towards me, it indicated that something was wrong with me, and that I needed to change myself in order to maintain the peace.

I put so much stock in other’s opinions and moods. To make myself happy, I thought I had to make others around me happy first. Only then could I be at peace with the world.

But here’s the problem: no matter how kind, compassionate, smart, loving, considerate, and competent you are, people will sometimes be negative towards you. They will be rude and unkind.

Why?

BECAUSE WHEN PEOPLE ARE RUDE, UNKIND, AND NEGATIVE, IT’S A REFLECTION OF THEIR OWN INNER STATE. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

Let me repeat: it has nothing to do with you. Negative people are not negative because of the way you look, speak, or act, but because they are having their own personal difficulties. When people are stressed, upset, and angry, they often take it out on others.

This is completely unintentional, and is a normal reaction to stress and sorrow.

When we have negative thoughts and feelings, we spread them. When we receive negativity from others, we are receiving their visceral emotional turbulence, not a true criticism of our own behaviour.

2. Remember that the Negativity is Not Personal

You can choose not to fight back, or apologize, or take it to heart. Instead, you can recognize that their negativity is coming from deep within, fuelled by their own life circumstances, and you let the criticism go. Then, you can excuse yourself and walk away. That is all.

I know that it’s easier said than done. In the moment when you’re being yelled at or complained to, it’s incredibly hard not to internalize that negative energy. Just try your best to remember that the negativity being aimed at you is not personal.

You don’t have to apologize for their negativity, because you aren’t truly fuelling it. You are just the closest available person for them to unleash their negative feelings and stress, and you have no responsibility to right their wrongs.

Think about what they’ve said and whether or not it’s really true, or just an indirect reaction to their own mental stress.

Imagine what their life situation could be – divorce, a death in the family, and trouble at work – and recognize that their negativity is only a proximal reaction to that event. Know that deep down you are not to blame.

Rise above negativity by letting it pass under you, by not identifying with it. Let it be impersonal.

3. Don’t Apologize or Seek Revenge

Depending upon what kind of person you are, it can be extremely tempting to try to solve a negative situation by blaming yourself or attacking the other person.

Unfortunately, neither of these are lasting solutions to negativity. If you apologize, you are only giving the negative person more reason to believe you are to blame, even when you haven’t done anything wrong.

THIS TEACHES THEM TO TAKE OUT THEIR ANGER ON OTHERS MORE OFTEN, AND WILL ONLY CAUSE YOU TO RECEIVE MORE BLAME IN THE LONG-RUN.

Likewise, by attacking the person back, you are adding to the negativity of the situation and giving them a real reason to be rude or aggressive towards you.

They will only become more identified with their negativity, and you will become a facet of their stress and anger. It’s better to diffuse a situation by keeping calm.

Though you may want to seek justice, remember that the negative person isn’t concerned about justice in their moment of anger. Even if you make valid points, the other person is too stressed and upset to absorb your reasoning.

You will only make matters worse, both immediately and in the long-run.

4. Let it Go and Walk Away

Next time someone is rude or critical of you, try to walk away.

This can feel like you aren’t defending yourself in the face of injustice, but the truth is, you are defending yourself in the most effective way.

If you remove yourself from a negative situation, you are defending yourself from the unfair negativity that someone is projecting onto you. You are protecting your own well-being and choosing not to fight fire with fire.

5. Find Peace and Look for the Positive

After a stressful and negative interaction, you may be emotionally unstable for a while.

In order to restore your inner harmony, you may want to spend time with a positive person in your life to reset your emotions (just remember to avoid passing on negativity to your loved one).

If you find peace in solitary, soothing activities, try to do these things after a negative interaction. Some ideas for soothing activities include bathing, working out, having a cup of tea, or reading a book. Only you know what will calm you down best.

To recover from a negative interaction, let the negative go, accept positivity, and see how harmonious life becomes. The world cannot fill you with negativity if you don’t let it in. You have the power to be as peaceful as you choose to be.

Summary

Here’s a quick low down of the 5 tips mentioned to help you rise above negative people:

Change your mind-set about the negativity you receive

Remember that the negativity is not personal

Don’t apologize or seek revenge

Let it go and walk away

Find peace and look for the positive

Recognize the root of another’s negativity, let that negativity remain impersonal, avoid apologizing and attacking, and walk away to seek a more positive atmosphere.

This is not cowardice, or running away from conflict; non-reaction is true strength. It is choosing not to fuel the world’s negativity, but to breed positivity in its wake.

Source