Overcoming Envy: What Envy Teaches You

Envy gets a bad rap. The ancient Greek philosopher Antisthenes described it as corrosive ("As iron is eaten away by rust, so the envious are consumed by their own passion.") Envy is established as one of the seven deadly sins - hardly a list of traits that we celebrate.

Yet we all feel it. Envy is part of the human experience. Instead of judging envy as wrong or bad, is there something we can do with it?

Envy begins with social comparison. Social comparison is a psychological process where we try to determine our own personal worth by comparing ourselves to others. So often, the result is we see ourselves as not measuring up.

Research shows that this process of comparison happens continually and automatically, underneath our awareness. And it sets us up for an inevitable deflation of confidence and self-esteem, what I call "compare and despair".

What we may not recognize is how shame is at the root of this despair. Shame is a deeply felt sense that we are defective, inadequate or not good enough. Shame is fuel for envy. When we look at somebody else and feel envy, it's not just that someone has acquired or achieved something, but that we believe we are unable to acquire or achieve something like it.

Well, that stinks.

But, wait. What if there is a positive side to envy?

Because, when we are in despair, we are missing something important: envy is information. Envy is giving you clues about what you desire. Look at your envy to start following the clues. Ask yourself:

Who do I envy?

What is it about them that generates envy?Since social comparison happens so quickly, envy can be vague, like a cloud around the person to whom you are comparing yourself. You feel it but you may not know why.

When you identify the source, envy becomes specific. You can examine it more closely.

Now this is where it gets really good, because envy gives you the opportunity to challenge the assumptions that underlie it.

Consider the source of your envy. Ask yourself:

Is it something I really want?

Do I think I can have it? Or can I attain something similar or create a similar feeling for myself?Let's say, for example, that you envy your neighbors who own a boat. They take their boat out on the water every weekend and it pains you each time they head out on Saturday morning.

Is it the boat you really want (with all of its associated responsibilities like dock fees and storage, maintenance and repairs, insurance and fuel, equipment and supplies)?

Or is it a sense of freedom? wealth? escape? (or something else?) that the boat represents for you?

There is no right or wrong answer - it's about understanding what you really want. Because when you know what you want you can begin to deliberately bring it into your life.

This is how you transform envy, by utilizing it as a tool to help you understand:

What you really want, what you value, what success looks like for you

How you can generate that for yourselfWhen you are clear about what's most important and what it looks like in your life, you can start building it for yourself.

What other people have and do becomes so much less significant. Comparisons won't matter. And you'll be happier when you are focused on your life, rather than on the lives of others.

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These Mistakes Are Costing You Your Happiness in Life

I want you to ask yourself something: Are you genuinely happy? Take a moment to honestly think about that. Have you genuinely found happiness in life?

If your answer is no, or even maybe, let’s talk about the reasons why you aren’t happy, and the mistakes you might be making unknowingly that are costing you happiness.

1) You Haven’t Transformed Your Inner Critic into Your Inner Coach

The first mistake you might be making that is costing you your happiness is that you haven’t successfully transformed your inner critic into your inner coach.

Research indicates that, on average, people talk to themselves about 50,000 times a day. Unfortunately, most of that self-talk is about yourself, and according to the psychological researchers, it is about 80% negative.

Some examples of this might be:
“I shouldn’t have said that.”
“I don’t like the way my hair looks today.”
“I’ll never lose weight.”
“I can never seem to get organized.”

… and the list goes on.

We know from this research that these thoughts have a powerful effect on us. Our negative thoughts actually control our behavior.

The first thing you have to do if you want to find happiness in life, is put a muzzle on that inner critic and transform it into an encouraging, loving, and positive inner coach.

One of the most powerful exercises for retraining your inner critic is to teach it to tell you the total truth. Just like your parents disciplined you for your own good, your inner critic really has your best interests in mind when it is criticizing you. It wants you to get the benefit of the better behavior. The problem is that it tells you only part of the truth.

Whenever you hear a part of you judging yourself, simply reply,

“Thank you for caring. What is your fear? What specifically do you want me to do? How will this serve me? and Thank you.”

Do not let the seeming simplicity of this technique fool you. It is very powerful if you use it.

2) You’re Letting Your Limiting Beliefs Control You

Another mistake you might unknowingly be making and therefore sabotaging your own happiness is allowing yourself to be controlled by your limiting beliefs.

Many of us have beliefs that limit our success -- whether they are beliefs about our own capabilities, beliefs about what it takes to succeed, or even beliefs about how we should relate with other people.

Moving beyond your limiting beliefs is a critical step toward becoming happier and more successful.
Learn How to Find Happiness in Life in 4 Steps

To do this, you must first believe that you are capable of accomplishing your goals and that you are capable of being happy.

Here is a simple but powerful four-step process you can use to transform any limiting belief into an empowering belief:

Step 1: Identify a limiting belief that you want to change.

Step 2: Determine how that belief limits you.

Step 3: Decide how you would rather be, act, or feel. And…

Step 4: Create a turnaround statement that affirms or gives you permission to be, act, or feel this new way.

For example, a negative belief might be: “If I express my true feelings, people will think I’m weak and take advantage of me.”

The turnaround belief would then be:

“The more I express my true feelings, the more people love, respect, and support me.”

Once you have created a new belief, you will need to implant it into your subconscious mind through constant repetition for 2 or 3 minutes several times a day for a minimum of 30 days.

In conclusion, keeping these 2 possible mistakes in mind (listening to your inner critic without retraining it to be your inner coach and letting yourself be controlled by your unconscious limiting beliefs). Make a list of any beliefs that might be limiting you and follow the steps outlined above.

Activate The Law of Attraction & Achieve All of Your Goals
Discover how to master your thoughts and emotions to attract the life you truly want.
Experience more joy, peace, and abundance by living in harmony with the vibrations of the universe.
Learn strategies that will allow you to release negative feelings and emotions, and make room for positivity, success, and prosperity.

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Staying Firm With Your Life Goals

Be Serious About Your Goals

Life is not a game. And you don't have time to waste.

If you want to succeed in life you have to take your life seriously. Most of you walk around in life dabbling without a purpose, without a focus, just walking aimlessly in life. This is not you, so stop doing that.

You are different.

The reason you are reading this article because you want a better life for yourself or perhaps want to transform your self, your life, your car, your house, but something in your life you want to change now.

You are convinced that you are ready to change and will do anything in your power and resources to make that happen.

You want things to change; you want things to be better for you because let's face it you're tired of being miserable. You are dissatisfied with something in your life than you find unfair, tiring, boring, stunt-growing and angry.

You want things to change.

I know this is you; the first thing you have to do is stop complaining about your life when you have taken it for a joke.

When you're not living the life you deserve you have to analyze yourself. Perhaps you have taken your life unfavorely. When you look around at yourself you see that you lack focus, purpose and vision of whom you are.

Be Different

But I know one thing about you, this is not you. You want things to change and want things to get better. You are willing to change things around because you're tired of living a circus and you're the clown.

It's time for you to live a prosperous, happy, tranquil life that you truly deserve.

This is you. You have to be ready to make the decision that your life, your desires, your dreams are not a joke anymore.

When you become serious about whom you are and about what you want to accomplish; everyone else will help you and respect you because you're serious about who you are and where you want to be. Earn the respect and recognition you deserve.

Goals are not attracted to clowns, they are attracted to people who have made the decision to achieve the best, be the best and are serious of themselves.

Changing Your Self-Dialogue

In order to be happy, peaceful, persistent or successful in life it's about the self-dialogue you hear or tell yourself. Change it and life will change. Self-dialogues are amazing and effective when you believe in them.

Start with this:

Your dream, your desires, should make you tremble so vividly through your body convincing you that what you're doing in life is your life's purpose. It gives you the certainty you need in life; there should be no room for doubt.

As you journey through your life you must get certainty of what you want; sure of what you need and be sure it belongs to you. You deserve it. This is all that you should tell yourself on a daily basis.

And as you things these thoughts, you have to remind yourself again and again of telling yourself that there is no room in your mind for any negativity such as fear, doubt, quitting. You must not poison your mind.

The only thoughts springing out of your mind should be ideas that will get you where you want to be. You have a dream to achieve, a goal to acquire and a need of changing something in your life. This should be your only sole focus, nothing else.

Remember we do not have time to waste. Life is not a joke anymore. We have to stop wasting our valuable potential energy only in thoughts that will help us grow.

Distinguish Your Self From The Rest

We are different.

You are different. Your thoughts should be too. Only those that accomplish goals in life are those who dare to be different from the rest. They are the one's where fear does not exist in their thoughts because they think different. Their mind has transformed itself differently. Mutated perhaps.

The only way you'll get there is by feeding thoughts, ideas and images that will help you build a big archive of only self-growth ideas.

Ask yourself "What thoughts do you need to help you grow?"

It's one thing. Do not tolerate any longer mediocrity. This is a thought you have to believe and carve in your mind.

What is what thing you have in common with successful people? It's the ability of believing that we deserve better than mediocrity.

Let me explain, you have to train your mind that most successful people out there are enjoying themselves because they have tolerated little, unhappy with some part of their life and decided to do something about it. They decided no longer to tolerate their low paying job because they know it will get them nowhere, they move away from toxic relationships, change their beat-down jalopy. They change themselves.

They changed it. They are the type of people whom don't tolerate mediocrity anymore. This has to be you too.

The reason you're angry at life is not external. This anger is against you for not taking the initiative to do anything about it. You have to be willing to do something some thing, fight for it; do what you must. I mean anything! Do at least some thing even if you look like a fool.

What will motivate you to take action is believing that you are put in this earth to live life at it's fullest.

You must have the thought that you love life.

Things will change.

Motivate yourself to pursue your dreams, your goals, appreciate the opportunities that life is giving you to change. Change will be given to those who decide to love life.

This is you.

When your mind is with different thoughts you will no longer settle for mediocrity. You decided to be different. Do not get comfortable with a poor unbearable life. Change now.

Start today.

When you finally had enough that is when you will change. This is when you will open your eyes, see how much you deserve to live and more. It's the turning point in your life when you realize that you are different, want more out of life and it's time to live that life you deserve. It starts by being a new you; a new beginning.

To finish this off you have to create thoughts and believe in them. You deserve them. Believe in them. You are worth more than you believe. Change your thoughts now and you'll thank yourself later.

Give yourself thoughts and things that will make you happy.

Say to yourself, "I need to give myself those thoughts to make me happy".

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What I Learnt From No One Showing At My First Workshop

I have been working with a coach to create my creative transformation business and one of the first projects was my Wildly Intimate Woman workshop.

I easily found a yoga studio to host the workshop and worked with a designer to create the perfect flyer. I loved how everything was falling into place smoothly. I imagined many people showing up at the workshop. I ran Facebook ads that received many views and likes. I thought I was on the right track.

But there was a tiny voice that whispered to me. What if no one showed up? What if what I had to say wasn’t important? What if who I was wasn’t of value?

I shivered at these whispers. My response was to ignore this voice and keep doing what I had to do to make this workshop happen, even though a funny feeling stuck in my gut.

What I Learnt From No One Showing Up At My First Workshop

A week before the workshop, I received a call from the yoga studio. The lady who had burst with excitement at my workshop idea suddenly told me in a grim voice that no one had signed up.

My blood went cold. The tiny voice became louder. I told you so.

I gathered myself and told her I would actively promote my workshop even more aggressively. I stuck fliers around college campuses in the Bay Area and put up more Facebook ads.

I told myself everyday several times a day that my workshop was going to be successful and I was of value. I wrote affirmations about it every day leading up to the workshop.

The day before the workshop, I called the yoga studio again to check. I held my breath. Surely, a couple people must have signed up by then.


“I’M SORRY, NO ONE HAS SIGNED UP, PRIYANKA,” THE LADY SAID.

My whole body became stiff. My heart beat faster. My lips trembled. I wanted to cry. But I didn’t let myself. I asked her whether I should even come on the workshop day. She advised me to come in case people would show up the day of the workshop.

The morning of the workshop, I wanted to simply cancel the workshop. I wanted to run away. The voice became louder telling me I told you so over and over. I agreed with the voice. It was a logical point she was making. What was the point of showing up if no one came? I would only embarrass myself.

But something was deeply transforming in me. Deep in my body, I knew the answer. That I had to go. I had to show up for my desire no matter the outcome. I couldn’t run away.

I jumped into the shower. As the warm water drizzled down my soft skin, I began to sob uncontrollably. I turned off the faucet. But tears still washed my face clean. My whole body throbbed and shook.

After this, everything seemed to be a blur. I threw on my clothes, had a quick bite, and stuffed the goodie gift bags I brought for the workshop participants and my laptop in my car.

I parked my car, but still didn’t have the courage to walk into the yoga studio.

So I called the lady and she told me again the same thing. No one had showed up. As I walked inside, something shifted inside me. I felt the fear melting. I handed her one of the gift bags and thanked her for being supportive throughout the process.

Afterwards, I treated myself to lunch. I feasted on a delicious sandwich and smiled. This was actually alright. I was proud of myself for facing my fear and not running away. This is why my higher self wanted me to go anyway. These are the lessons she wanted me to learn.


1. Show up fully for your desire.

When a desire bubbles in your heart, it’s because your soul wants you to expand and grow. Your heart never desires anything that it doesn’t feel is possible. Live with it. Feel it. I have always desired to be a creative person. It’s what nourishes my soul. I feel happy, alive, and joyful when I write and involve myself in other creative pursuits.

The purpose of your soul is to grow and expand. How? When? Why? That is different for every single person. Next time, a desire arises in you, do not dismiss it. Sit with it. Close your eyes. Visualize your desire.

How does it feel? Indulge all your senses. Touch. Smell. See. Hear. Taste. How does your heart feel? How is your body responding?

Give yourself the time and space to do this. It doesn’t matter how your desire will be manifested or even if it will be manifested. There is peace and beauty in just feeling the desire and it’s taking you on a path you don’t even realize at the moment.

By showing up for my workshop even though no one had showed up, my fear of being seen melted away and I’m now excited to forge forward with new ideas and workshops.

2. Face your fear, instead of running away.

Up to the day of the workshop, my standard impulse of running away from what scares and pushes my comfort zone raged. I really wanted to run away because I didn’t want to face my fear. It is uncomfortable and sweaty and sticky. But something clicked in my head.

I had to change how I was feeling inside in order to change my circumstances. Instead of viewing it as a roadblock, I saw it as an opportunity for change. Something needed to be changed inside me. There was a reason I was not living my life according to my truth.

Facing your fears allows you to see the patterns in your thinking that created your self-belief so you can flip those opportunities as moments for change and adopt a new self-belief that serves you.

Remember as Pema Chodron said:


“NOTHING EVER GOES AWAY UNTIL IT HAS TAUGHT US WHAT WE NEED TO KNOW.”


3. Your self-worth and value is not determined by the outcome.

One of the most important lessons I learned from this experience that my value and self-worth are not linked to the outcome of this workshop or any external person or thing.

The fact that I showed up fully for my desire is most important and my value and true state of abundance comes from inside.

You can tap into that inner feeling and state of abundance and richness anytime and that will reflect in your external world eventually. New channels and experiences will open up and take you on an even more meaningful journey.

4. Surrender deeply to the process.
Surrendering and letting go does not mean that you are giving up in any way. It is about pouring all your energy and consciousness in the moment in front of you and releasing what happened yesterday and is to happen tomorrow.

It means you are letting your energy guide your actions. It is about being in sync with your higher self and going with the flow with a gentle trust.

This process and preparation period exists because you are not fully ready to call and accept your heart’s deepest desires. You’re not ready to call in that perfect job, relationship, or large sum of money into your life.

So you are in transition. You are going through a divine process of preparation.

It means diving in even deeper with yourself and having the patience to see the beauty of this gorgeous process. It means committing to your inner growth and evolution even more passionately.

Because when that desire does finally arrive, you will be the person you need to be to fully accept and enjoy that desire. Your higher self knew this all along. The journey and destination will be that much sweeter.


Summary
Here’s a quick recap on what I learnt from no one showing up at my first workshop:
Show up fully for your desire
Face your fear, instead of running away
Your self-worth and value is not determined by the outcome
Surrender deeply to the process
Has this article helped you? Leave a comment below.

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