Deep Diving Out Of Procrastination

Procrastination - we're all guilty of this. You wouldn't be human if you didn't. So just why do we procrastinate at times? Recent research has revealed that we put off things that we don't like to do. In psychobabble - task averse

When we have tasks to do that we consider unpleasant, unenjoyable, boring, frustrating, difficult or that we resent we are more likely to put these off and avoid them if possible.

This just seems to be common sense and logic so far. What else has the research uncovered? Come on Frank, get to the good stuff!

Okay, you've twisted my arm. The other thing that is important to note from the research is that the way we look at these tasks change over the life of the task. Early on, the more meaningful and purposeful the task is to what we imagine in our lives, the higher we rate that task as enjoyable. Later in the life of that same task what might make them aversive is not having them defined properly.

So, based on the above we might find ourselves needing to have different strategies to finish off the tasks that we have given ourselves!

In very plain English, imagine you have decided that you are going to lose 10Kgs by going to the gym. In the early stages, motivation is quite simple because you still have the main goal in focus. Come day 3 of getting up early for the gym... different story!

What's in it for me?

Simple. We can take this knowledge and apply it accordingly. If you need to get yourself motivated early on in a project, task or goal - make it more meaningful to your overall life goals. This should give you the kick-start that you need at that point in time.

When you find yourself beginning to look at the tasks in front of you with dread later in the project, perhaps remind yourself of what that small piece actually means to you as part of the bigger picture. Secondly, at this part of the journey - make sure that the tasks are clearly defined and structured so that there are no gray areas or uncertainty. Break down any complex task into more easily managed ones.

One Final Thought

Perception is reality.

Thinking that tasks are boring will make them boring.

Thinking that tasks are going to be hard will make them hard.

If you can change the way you look at the tasks in front of you, you will actually change your own behavior.

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Overcoming Envy: What Envy Teaches You

Envy gets a bad rap. The ancient Greek philosopher Antisthenes described it as corrosive ("As iron is eaten away by rust, so the envious are consumed by their own passion.") Envy is established as one of the seven deadly sins - hardly a list of traits that we celebrate.

Yet we all feel it. Envy is part of the human experience. Instead of judging envy as wrong or bad, is there something we can do with it?

Envy begins with social comparison. Social comparison is a psychological process where we try to determine our own personal worth by comparing ourselves to others. So often, the result is we see ourselves as not measuring up.

Research shows that this process of comparison happens continually and automatically, underneath our awareness. And it sets us up for an inevitable deflation of confidence and self-esteem, what I call "compare and despair".

What we may not recognize is how shame is at the root of this despair. Shame is a deeply felt sense that we are defective, inadequate or not good enough. Shame is fuel for envy. When we look at somebody else and feel envy, it's not just that someone has acquired or achieved something, but that we believe we are unable to acquire or achieve something like it.

Well, that stinks.

But, wait. What if there is a positive side to envy?

Because, when we are in despair, we are missing something important: envy is information. Envy is giving you clues about what you desire. Look at your envy to start following the clues. Ask yourself:

Who do I envy?

What is it about them that generates envy?Since social comparison happens so quickly, envy can be vague, like a cloud around the person to whom you are comparing yourself. You feel it but you may not know why.

When you identify the source, envy becomes specific. You can examine it more closely.

Now this is where it gets really good, because envy gives you the opportunity to challenge the assumptions that underlie it.

Consider the source of your envy. Ask yourself:

Is it something I really want?

Do I think I can have it? Or can I attain something similar or create a similar feeling for myself?Let's say, for example, that you envy your neighbors who own a boat. They take their boat out on the water every weekend and it pains you each time they head out on Saturday morning.

Is it the boat you really want (with all of its associated responsibilities like dock fees and storage, maintenance and repairs, insurance and fuel, equipment and supplies)?

Or is it a sense of freedom? wealth? escape? (or something else?) that the boat represents for you?

There is no right or wrong answer - it's about understanding what you really want. Because when you know what you want you can begin to deliberately bring it into your life.

This is how you transform envy, by utilizing it as a tool to help you understand:

What you really want, what you value, what success looks like for you

How you can generate that for yourselfWhen you are clear about what's most important and what it looks like in your life, you can start building it for yourself.

What other people have and do becomes so much less significant. Comparisons won't matter. And you'll be happier when you are focused on your life, rather than on the lives of others.

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5 Ways to Recover From Terrible Failure

Failure can cause one to lose confidence and motivation. Failure can sometimes wreck havoc on our emotions and make us feel depressed. What is worse is that after failing most of us do not always wish to try again because of the negative emotions that we feel. Failure makes us avoid trying again. This can happen on a conscious and unconscious level. It is thus important that you manage what you perceive as failure well in your life to ensure that failure doesn't affect you on an unconscious level and affect your future performance as you try and achieve your goals. Some of the emotions that we experience that affect our ability to take action to create the outcomes that we seek are due to past failures. These emotions may include fear, self-doubt and a lack of confidence.

I have developed a few ways that you can use in your life to recover from failure and heal yourself so that your past failures do not affect your future performance. Here they are:

1. Manage emotions using acceptance

What we perceive as failure can cause us to have a lot of emotional strain. We may experience emotions ranging from anger to sadness and resentment depending on what the situation is. After failing it is not always possible to keep these emotions from affecting us. To recover from failure and keep these emotions under control you need to use acceptance. You need to accept that things did not go well and that there might be consequences to be dealt with from whatever that has happened. Depending on the situation, consequences as the result of failure might vary -; you might be criticised, you might be held accountable, you might have lost money, you might lose your self-confidence, you might lose your job or business. Whatever it is and whatever the consequences are, drive yourself towards acceptance because this is the only way in which you will better find creative solutions to the challenges that you might be facing. It is tempting when we face challenges to dwell on the emotional pain, to think and go over what ifs but ultimately we have no choice but to make decisions and act if we are to change our circumstances.

2. View failure as an isolated incident not an inclusive incident

In our lives sometimes we have what I call "cross contamination". When one area of our lives isn't working as well we wish it could, the unhappiness and emotional strain that we experience from the area which isn't working well gets carried across other areas of our lives. We begin to feel like nothing else in our lives is working. Cross contamination causes us to carry emotional strain from work or business to our family lives and ultimately to our health and well being. The opposite can happen as emotional strain from our family lives can sometimes extend to our workplace and ultimately our well being depending on how we respond to the problems that we face.

You need to view the specific failure that you are recovering from as an isolated incident in order to stop this from straining other areas in your life. This is not easy to do as sometimes having a bad day at work can mean a bad evening with the family or vice versa. However, if you learn to better manage your emotions and isolate problems in various areas of your life, you might be in a better position to prevent emotional strain from one area of your life to cross contaminate all other areas of your life. This can only be done through improved self-awareness and emotional discipline.

Sometimes failing in a specific area can make you feel as if you failing at everything. You need to be aware that failure in a specific area in your life doesn't mean that you will fail on every other area. So see each failure as specific and not inclusive.

3. View failure as feedback from your specific actions

After following step 1 and 2 above you should begin to be in a better emotional state to think constructively about what went wrong and what has not worked well to cause the outcomes that you did not want. With this improved emotional state you should now use failure as a learning by analyzing what really went wrong and what actions you could have taken to improve your results. Most failures are due to a lack of planning, processes that did not work well, unforeseen circumstances, failure to be pro-active and so on. This is now time for you to diagnose what didn't work with clear emotions and an open mind. So assess what went wrong and identify things that need to be improved for you to create better results in the future.

4. Commit to new actions

After diagnosing your failure and receiving feedback from it you need to commit yourself to new actions in order to fully recover from your failure. Ask yourself what you will do and no longer do as a result of the feedback you received from your failure then commit yourself to new resolutions. You can list things you will do such as early planning, better communication, improve processes etc. Listing things that you will no longer do that might have caused you to fail is as important. So also list things that you will not do in the future such as procrastinating, avoiding administrative work, communicating poorly and so on.

What is important to note is that committing to new actions will also give you an emotional boost and hope. Often when we are in distress just thinking of the next practical step to take is enough to help us have hope for better future results.

5. Remember your past successes

Remembering things you did well in the past can help you gather strength to recover from immediate failure. Have things worked well in the past? Is there historical performance that you can look to and be proud of? if so, list these great achievements and performances and make them more prominent in your mind. Remember how you felt when things worked well and rekindle these feelings to gather strength to overcome present challenges. This will help you regain your self-confidence as you plan how to better deal with the future.

Imagine what your life would be like if you had self-confidence and did not hesitate to act and create all the outcomes that you want in life. Picture yourself believing in yourself and becoming exactly who you want to be. A successful man or woman who is happy doing things that he or she loves and has great relationships. No more would you have to suffer from second guessing yourself and taking the back seat, criticizing yourself or enduring the pain of those that criticize you and do not appreciate you...

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Monsters and Molehills

'Molehills in life are bumps in the road; they become monsters when we accept them as powerful truth, allowing them to become monsters chasing us through life. Molehills like the teacher who could not find anything redeeming in the student and carelessly flung demeaning insults, leaving behind a child who believed every word they said and became what they believed. The molehill became a monster that chased the child relentlessly through life, one failure after another.

Molehills are the path of destruction left after something uninvited digs its way through our sub conscious mind leaving a tunnel of doubt and a path of fear that somewhere in that dark tunnel lies the truth about who we will become. What we believe may be the most important block in our foundation. Even the greatest of blessings cannot be delivered if we cannot believe; we must believe to receive. Harboring the fear that we do not deserve or cannot achieve something that is important to us will ensure that we cannot.

Damage that begins in childhood plants deeper roots in our subconscious; it has a long time to grow and dig in. A child is born believing in goodness, it simply knows no other way. Trust has brought the child to this new beginning with a fragile defense system in place. In the absence of steady and positive reinforcement of encouraging truth and what can be, it is far easier for a child to believe what they see and hear, to begin to grow from those ideas. Sadly this is frequently the beginning of a long and difficult road filled with doubt, self-recriminations and fear of rejection that keeps the best in life at bay. The good things were never unattainable; they just became a mirage that could not be touched.

Sometimes there is no one to provide the kind of direction and reinforcement we need to escape from the monsters. How can we defeat something we believe is more powerful than us? Only by standing still and objectively looking at the monster, without any emotion. Emotion colors what we see and creates a binding force that ties us to the monster. Pain creates trauma; trauma is one of the strongest emotional bonds. It is necessary to tear the wound back open and stop pretending that we don't really care about things that matter a lot.

This leaves us vulnerable; vulnerable to the same pain, the same wrong ideas and yes, vulnerable to receiving the best that we can believe in. It is this that makes it worth the effort of tearing it open and re-examining without emotion what really happened. When we can do this, we can believe in ourselves and the best that life can provide for us, leaving the monster powerless. Like a shape-shifter it fades back into the molehill it always was, just a bump in the road. This is all that is necessary to be free to receive the best we can believe in.

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Do You Have The Right Mindset?

I think we can all probably agree that your actions lead to your results. If you want different results, you need to change your actions. If actions lead to your results, what leads to your actions?

Your Big Why

Your big why is, or will be, the most important reason for your success. If you plan to have success, the question that you need to answer for yourself is why do you need the success? What is the reason you get up and get at it each day? What motivates you to accomplish your goals? You need to be very clear on this and focus on it.

My big why has changed a little over the years, but the one that got me going was to help my dad. I lost my mom to cancer when I was really young and my dad raised me and my brother and sister by himself. I have zero complaints about my childhood because he was such a great parent. I owe a lot to him. Being a single parent and one income family, it was difficult for him to even think about his retirement. He was unable to successfully plan for his retirement and is still working today. I want to help him enjoy the latter years of his life and help him, if he would ever allow it, with his retirement.

Fear

I am reading the series Harry Potter right now and I think that is where I heard this quote. "Courage isn't not having fear but is acting in spite of fear." Everyone has fear of the unknown, and taking chances certainly has some unknown results. Fear is the number one career killer, and what separates successful people from average people is acting ANYWAY. This comes back to your big why. Is your big why strong enough to force you to act in spite of your fears? If not, get a new big why, so that fear does not murder your potential.

The Law of Attraction

I am a big, big believer in this. It started with the movie The Secret and has exploded from there. I have studied this and truly believe in its power. If you have no idea what I am talking about, you should start by reading or watching The Secret.

The idea here is that if you can make your mind truly believe something, it will happen. Good ways to use this resource is by affirmations. There are entire books written about how to use affirmations, but you want to put a goal in your mind, like it is already yours, by repeating it to yourself over and over and over... Vision boards are another great way to use the law of attraction. I have vision boards in my house that I look at frequently. These boards are loaded with things that I want. Your goals need to be realistic to you or you will not have much luck convincing yourself that it is yours; so start small and work your way up.

Investment or Expense?

Many people think subconsciously that money they invest in their business (like marketing) or money they spend on themselves (like education) is an expense. What I want you to believe is that these are actually investments. The reason for the distinction is that, investments pay you back with interest and expenses are gone forever. So many small companies end up failing because when things get tight, they cut their marketing budget. If things get tight, they might want to increase their marketing or become more efficient, because that is what brings in the business. Never cut the marking budget, unless you need to slow growth. Cutting that budget can be fatal. As far as investing in yourself, I believe you should continue to educate yourself constantly, but especially when you are not consistently reaching your goals. You should probably consider investing at least 10% of your personal income back into your own education until you are consistently reaching your desired results. With that being said, I am very proud to say that my company offers lots of solid educational opportunities free of charge. Now there really are no excuses.

Fake it Until You Make it

When you are trying to start something new or expand on what you are doing, there is a time in the beginning where you really don't know what you are doing. It is during this time that you are vulnerable, which of course brings fear and can potentially stop your actions. If you fake it and pretend you know exactly what you are doing, you will quickly learn what to do and how to act. That, and your confidence, will attract the people that you need to help you accomplish what you are seeking. I am not saying to lie to anyone, but you can easily lean on others experiences and act with confidence to get the job done. By not faking it, you will have a lot of hesitance and will attract more objections and more things that will hold you back.

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How to Stop Overthinking Everything: 9 Simple Habits

What is holding people back from the life that they truly want to live?

I’d say that one very common and destructive thing is that they think too much.

They overthink every little problem until it becomes bigger and scarier and it actually is. Overthink positive things until they don’t look so positive anymore.

Or overanalyze and deconstruct things and so the happiness that comes from just enjoying something in the moment disappears.

Now, thinking things through can be a great thing of course. But being an overthinker can result in becoming someone who stands still in life. In becoming someone who self-sabotages the good things that happen in life.

I know. I used to overthink things a lot and it held me back in ways that weren’t fun at all.

But in the past 8 years or so I have learned how to make this issue so small that it very rarely pops up anymore. And if it does then I know what to do then to overcome it.

In this article I would like to share 9 habits that have helped me in a big, big way to become a simpler and smarter thinker and to live a happier and less fearful life.

1. Put things into a wider perspective.

It is very easy to fall into the trap of overthinking minor things in life.

So when you are thinking and thinking about something ask yourself:

Will this matter in 5 years? Or even in 5 weeks?

I have found that widening the perspective by using this simple question can snap me quickly out of overthinking and help me to let that situation go and focus my time and energy on something that actually does matter to me.

2. Set short time-limits for decisions.

If you do not have a time-limit for when you must make a decision and take action then you can just keep turning your thoughts around and around and view them from all angles in your mind for a very long time.

So learn to become better at making decisions and to spring into action by setting deadlines in your daily life. No matter if it is a small or bigger decision.

Here’s what have worked for me.
For small decisions like if should go and do the dishes, respond to an email or work out I usually give myself 30 seconds or less to make a decision.
For somewhat larger decisions that would have taken me days or weeks to think through in the past I use a deadline for 30 minutes or for the end of the workday.

3. Become a person of action.

When you know how to get started with taking action consistently each day then you’ll procrastinate less by overthinking.

Setting deadlines is one thing that have helped me to become much more of person of action.

Taking small steps forward and only focusing on getting one small step done at a time is another habit that have worked really well.

It works so well because you do not feel overwhelmed and so you do not want flee into procrastination. And even though you may be afraid, taking just a step is such a small thing that you do not get paralyzed in fear.

4. Realize that you cannot control everything.

Trying to think things through 50 times can be a way to try to control everything. To cover every eventuality so you do not risk making a mistake, fail or looking like a fool.

But those things are a part of living a life where you truly stretch your comfort zone. Everyone who you may admire and have lived a life that inspires you has failed. They have made mistakes.

But in most cases they have also seen these things as valuable feedback to learn from. Those things that may look negative have taught them a lot and have been invaluable to help them to grow.

So stop trying to control everything. Trying to do so simply doesn’t work because no one can see all possible scenarios in advance.

This is of course easier said than done. So do it in small steps if you like.

5. Say stop in situation where you know you cannot think straight.

Sometimes when I am hungry or when I am lying in bed and are about to go to sleep negative thoughts start buzzing around in my mind.

In the past they could do quite a bit of damage. Nowadays I have become good at catching them quickly and to say to myself:

No, no, we are not going to think about this now.

I know that when I am hungry or sleepy then my mind sometimes tend to be vulnerable to not thinking clearly and to negativity.

So I follow up my “no, no…” phrase and I say to myself that I will think this situation or issue through when I know that my mind will work much better.

For example, after I have eaten something or in the morning after I have gotten my hours of sleep.

It took a bit of practice to get this to work but I have gotten pretty good at postponing thinking in this way. And I know from experience that when I revisit a situation with some level-headed thinking then in 80% of the cases the issue is very small to nonexistent.

And if there is a real issue then my mind is prepared to deal with it in much better and more constructive way.

6. Do not get lost in vague fears.

Another trap that I have fallen into many times that have spurred on overthinking is that I have gotten lost in vague fears about a situation in my life. And so my mind running wild has created disaster scenarios about what could happen if I do something.

So I have learned to ask myself: honestly, what is the worst that could happen?

And when I have figured out what the worst that could happen actually is then I can also spend a little time to think about what I can do if that often pretty unlikely thing happens.

I have found that the worst that could realistically happen is usually something that is not as scary as what my mind running wild with vague fear could produce.

Finding clarity in this way usually only takes a few minutes of time and bit of energy and it can save you a lot of time and suffering.

7. Work out.

This might sound a bit odd.

But in my experience working out – especially with lifting weights – can help me to let go of inner tensions and worries.

It most often makes me feel more decisive and when I was more of an overthinker then it was often my go-to method of changing the headspace I was in to a more constructive one.

8. Spend more of your time in the present moment.

By being in the present moment in your everyday life rather than in the past or a possible future in your mind you can replace more and more of the time you usually spend on overthinking things with just being here right now instead.

Three ways that I often use to reconnect with the present moment are:
Slow down. Slow down how you do whatever you are doing right now. Move slower, talk slower or ride your bicycle more slowly for example. By doing so you become more aware of how you use your body and what is happening all around you right now.
Tell yourself: Now I am… I often tell myself this: Now I am X. And X could be brushing my teeth. Taking a walk in the woods. Or doing the dishes. This simple reminder helps my mind to stop wandering and brings my focus back to what is happening in this moment.
Disrupt and reconnect. If you feel you are getting lost in overthinking then disrupt that thought by – in your mind – shouting this to yourself : STOP! Then reconnect with the present moment by taking just 1-2 minutes to focus fully on what is going on around you. Take it all in with all your senses. Feel it, hear it, smell it, see it and sense it on your skin.

9. Spend more of your time with people who do not overthink things.

Your social environment plays a big part. And not just the people and groups close to you in real life. But also what you read, listen to and watch. The blogs, books, forums, movies, podcasts and music in your life.

So think about if there are any sources in your life – close by or further away – that encourages and tends create more overthinking in your mind. And think about what people or sources that has the opposite effect on you.

Find ways to spend more of your time and attention with the people and sources that have a positive effect on your thinking and less on the influences that tends to strengthen your overthinking habit.

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How To Overcome Your Fears, Get Unstuck, And Fuel Your Success

What scares you? Learning how to overcome fears of failure can be challenging for everyone.

Fortunately, all fears are learned. No one is born with fears. Fears can therefore, be unlearned by practicing self-discipline repeatedly with regard to fear until it goes away.

The most common fears that we experience, which often sabotage all hope for success, are the fear of failure, poverty, and loss of money.

These fears cause people to avoid risk of any kind and to reject opportunity when it is presented to them. They are so afraid of failure that they are almost paralyzed when it comes to taking any chances at all.

There are many other fears that interfere with our happiness.
People fear the loss of love or
People fear the loss of their jobs and their financial security.
People fear embarrassment or ridicule.
People fear rejection and criticism of any kind.
People fear the loss of respect or esteem of others.

These and many other fears hold us back throughout life…

Here are a few techniques to help you overcome your fears and fuel your success:
Fear Paralyzes Action

The most common reaction in a fear situation is the attitude of, “I can’t!”

This is the fear of failure that stops us from taking action. It is experienced physically, starting in the pit of your stomach.

When people are really afraid, their mouth and throat go dry, their heart starts pounding. Sometimes they breathe shallowly and their stomach churns.

These are all physical manifestations of the inhibitive negative habit pattern, which we all experience from time to time.
Fear Shuts Our Brain Down

Whenever a person is in the grip of fear, he feels like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. This fear paralyzes action. It often shuts down the brain and causes the individual to revert to the “fight-or-flight” reaction.

Fear is a terrible emotion that undermines our happiness and can hold us back throughout our lives.
Visualize Yourself As Unafraid

By visualizing yourself performing with confidence and competence in an area where you are fearful, your visual image will eventually be accepted by your subconscious mind as instructions for your performance.

Your self-image, the way you see yourself and think about yourself, is eventually altered by feeding your mind these positive mental pictures of yourself performing at your best.
Practice Acting “As If”

By using the “act as if” method, you walk, talk, and carry yourself exactly as you would if you were completely unafraid in a particular situation.

You stand up straight, smile, move quickly and confidently, and in every respect act as if you already had the courage that you desire.
Use The Law Of Reversibility

The Law of Reversibility says that “If you feel a certain way, you will act in a manner consistent with that feeling.”

But if you act in a manner consistent with that feeling, even if you don’t feel it, the Law of Reversibility will create the feeling that is consistent with your actions.

This is one of the greatest breakthroughs in success psychology. You develop the courage you desire by disciplining yourself repeatedly to do the thing you fear until that fear eventually disappears—and it will.
Confront Your Fears Immediately

Your ability to confront, deal with, and act in spite of your fears is the key to happiness and success.

One of the best exercises you can practice is to identify a person or situation in your life of which you are afraid and resolve to deal with that fear situation immediately.

Do not allow it to make you unhappy for another minute. Resolve to confront the situation or person and put the fear behind you.
Move Toward The Fear

When you identify a fear and discipline yourself to move toward it, it grows smaller and more manageable.

What’s more, as your fears grow smaller, your confidence grows. Soon, your fears lose their control over you.

In contrast, when you back away from a fear-inducing situation or person, your fear grows larger and larger.

Soon it dominates your thinking and feeling, preoccupies you during the day, and often keeps you awake at night.
Deal With The Fear Directly

The only way to deal with a fear is to address it head-on.

Remind yourself that, “Denial” is not a river in Egypt.

The natural tendency of many people is to deny that they have a problem caused by fear of some kind. They’re afraid of confronting it. In turn, it becomes a major source of stress, unhappiness, and psychosomatic illness.

Be willing to deal with the situation or person directly.

As Shakespeare said, “Take arms against a sea of troubles, and in so doing, end them.”

When you force yourself to face any fear-inducing situation in your life, your self-esteem goes up, your self-respect increases, and your sense of personal pride grows.

You eventually reach the point in life where you are not afraid of anything.

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4 Steps to Help You Be Heard When You Lack Self Esteem

You whisper a suggestion, and the person besides you parrots what you've said to great applause. You want to scream out and say "that was my idea" but your throat is dry, you feel clammy and sweaty and just want the moment to end. Your heart is beating so fast you are sure it is noticeable. At least the focus is off you for now but then suddenly it's your turn to offer something, to say anything and you can't. You are frozen in fear. Business moves on and you want to say something, to say anything so your superiors know that you have something to contribute. The stress response has three options for you, fight or flight, which we are familiar with and then the third, freeze. You cannot move. It's as though you have become disconnected from your body.

You are sick and tired of seeing those less qualified promoted above you, people you've even trained! Why doesn't anyone just notice you and sing your praises? You do all the work and do it well but it goes unnoticed. You've fallen into the rut of being dependable, you never say no to extra work but when favors are being dished out, no one notices your existence.

Was it always like this you ask yourself? You used to have ambition and drive but you're stuck. Your bosses are becoming younger and younger and see you more as a relic from a time gone by, no longer interested in the detail that you pride yourself on.

You find yourself feeling unwell, you may have IBS or other stomach related anxiety. Every day is nerve wrenching as you try to find a way to be noticed for the right reasons. You are competent when left to work alone but as soon as someone in authority is around, you freeze, just like what used to happen at school.

Why?

Because your mind associates authority and your "superiors" as somehow having power over you and you become the "little girl". This is who is reacting in any situation where the focus is upon you. You want attention but you don't and your mind becomes conflicted. You feel unworthy of attention as that inner critic seeks to silence you. How many times have you told yourself, no one is interested in what I have to say, what would I know, they'll laugh at me.

Communication has very little to do with the words that are spoken. It is tone and your body language. This is why bullying claims are very hard to prove, the words of he said/she said are anemic on paper.

Whispering won't get you noticed, you have to learn to speak up in such a way that others listen. They hear you. But you have to believe in yourself before others and believe in you.

Who is someone that is always heard? Do they whisper and cower or do they take up the space they occupy without any hesitancy or apology for being around?

You can use them as a model, a way to understand the relationship between confidence and body language. Improve one, you improve the other. Let's start with these 4 steps. Stand in front of your mirror to notice like a before and after image. Look at how you are standing and your expression, not fun for you, I bet. Now step away and do the following:

4 steps to learn how to speak up:

1. Lower your voice. That's right, lower your pitch. Little girls are high-pitched and so are women and men who lack confidence. Practice it in a store buying a coffee, practice at home. 

2. Play your favorite tune in your mind. This must be a song from when you felt alive and confident, an anthem from your teenage years. Singing activates both parts of the brain, the left (logic) for the words and right for the melody. It immediately relaxes the body to prevent your shoulders rolling forward to try to disappear. Singing will encourage you to open your chest. 

3. Learn to say "no". Whether or not, you have the time and energy, just start saying no. Don't add an excuse. Just say no. Practice this in the mirror, in a lower timbre and loosen the body with your favorite song, and say, no. Picture the person who prevails upon you the most, the person you carry and say no. Have a giggle to yourself at the sense of power this gives you. You are not a little girl/boy but an adult. 

4. Whose confidence do you admire? It can be someone you know, or an actor or a character from a story or movie. See them in your mind's eye, what is it you admire? Drift into their bodies, like trying on clothes, and see what it feels like.

Now go back to your mirror, what are the differences you can see, I bet your face is more relaxed and your body more at ease!

These are little steps that you can adapt and use immediately. It is important to clear the past and choose a therapy modal that suits you. Hypnotherapy and NLP are ideal modalities to raise self esteem as they go to the core of your inner self, your subconscious mind and to heal your inner child self who never learned to speak up because she/he thought what they had to say was not worthy of being heard.

You don't need to be defined by your past. Let these 4 steps act as a catalyst to help you be heard.

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10 Habits Of Fit And Healthy People

Have you ever met anyone who is a health fanatic? Maybe they rarely touch dessert or fried chicken, or they go to the gym every day. Maybe their favorite lunch includes a whole grain bread sandwich with sprouts and a wheat-grass juice chaser? Possibly they don't engage in unhealthy behaviors like, smoking or excessive drinking?

There are people who live by a strict code of health that of course includes regular exercise and a healthy diet.

These people never miss a checkup, they stay up to date with all the latest medical news and take great care to follow their doctor's orders.

What sets these people apart?

Taking care of themselves is their highest priority. These people take their health seriously, it is engrained in them and a huge part of who they are. They live by the code of self care, and are rarely tempted by the indulgences some of us take part in every day.

Good health really does come down to self-care that is at the core of all health conscious people, it is what drives and motivates their behavior. They care about their health, their wellbeing and living healthy lives.

Many have had this attitude their whole lives, and for some it all began in childhood with parents who role modeled positive health habits. But, in reality, anyone can adopt this attitude, even if it is not something you learned while growing up.

Good self-care can be learned and adopted at any age, and a good place to start is by learning about the 10 habits of these healthy folks who make self-care a priority.

10 Habits Of Healthy People

Habit #1: To Exercise Or Not Is Not An Option

Healthy people get exercise on a regular basis. They rarely wonder if they should go to the gym or not, they just go. They workout with gusto, some because they love it, and for some it is simply necessary for good health, a great body, disease prevention and overall wellbeing.

Habit #2: Moderation

Healthy people understand moderation. They don't eat whole bags of chips, and they do not regularly eat junk food or unhealthy sweets. They have accepted that these foods are not conducive to their health and they are simply not a regular diet choice.

Healthy people enjoy an occasional indulgence, but, instead of eating a whole slice of cake, they eat one or two bites. Some may occasionally order French fries, but it is only on a rare occasion.

They pay attention to portion sizes and avoid mindless eating that can lead to weight gain and other health problems. Their typical diet is filled with healthy whole foods that support their health, improve their energy levels and prevent chronic disease.

Habit #3: Setting Priorities

Health conscious people know how to set priorities. They don't look for excuses to skip a workout, instead they make those workouts a priority, even if that means skipping an evening out, or postponing some other activity that interferes. Exercise always takes priority on their daily schedules.

Habit #4: Goal Setting

Healthy people set goals that they wish to achieve. Whether it is to maintain a certain weight, or to lift a certain weight, or to improve some aspect of their fitness and health level, they set goals and plan what needs to be done to achieve them.

Habit #5: Set Time For Relaxation

Healthy people set aside time for relaxation and plan activities that help them to de-stress. They understand that self-care is not only about the things you do, but also about things you don't do. Too much work, the hustle and bustle of life and everyday tension that results from a busy lifestyle must be counteracted with enough relaxation so that stress does not become an impact on good health.

Healthy people understand that relaxation is a reset button and they take the time to push that button regularly.

Habit #6: Stay In Touch With Their Bodies

Healthy people are in touch with their bodies, they pay attention to what their body and also their mind needs as they strive for optimal health and wellness.

Habit #7: Social Relationships

Healthy people strive for healthy social interactions and inter-personal relationships. They know that their emotional state and overall fulfillment plays a key role in their health.

Habit #8: Sleep

A big part of self care is getting enough sleep every single night and health conscious people strive to do so because it helps them to be healthier and function at their very best throughout the day.

Habit #9: No Addictions

Healthy people don't engage in addictive behaviors, including, smoking, illicit drugs and excessive alcohol use.

Habit #10: Preventative Care

Healthy people get regular preventative health screenings, as well as, preventative care. They visit their doctor and get tests like those for cholesterol, blood pressure and diabetes.

They get regular physicals, mammograms, testicular exams and pap smears to ensure there are no issues that need their immediate attention.

They also engage in regular preventative care, like visiting the dentist for cleanings and eye care specialists for eye exams.

How About You?

Simply implement these habits into your life and you too can become healthy and fit!

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What I Learnt From No One Showing At My First Workshop

I have been working with a coach to create my creative transformation business and one of the first projects was my Wildly Intimate Woman workshop.

I easily found a yoga studio to host the workshop and worked with a designer to create the perfect flyer. I loved how everything was falling into place smoothly. I imagined many people showing up at the workshop. I ran Facebook ads that received many views and likes. I thought I was on the right track.

But there was a tiny voice that whispered to me. What if no one showed up? What if what I had to say wasn’t important? What if who I was wasn’t of value?

I shivered at these whispers. My response was to ignore this voice and keep doing what I had to do to make this workshop happen, even though a funny feeling stuck in my gut.

What I Learnt From No One Showing Up At My First Workshop

A week before the workshop, I received a call from the yoga studio. The lady who had burst with excitement at my workshop idea suddenly told me in a grim voice that no one had signed up.

My blood went cold. The tiny voice became louder. I told you so.

I gathered myself and told her I would actively promote my workshop even more aggressively. I stuck fliers around college campuses in the Bay Area and put up more Facebook ads.

I told myself everyday several times a day that my workshop was going to be successful and I was of value. I wrote affirmations about it every day leading up to the workshop.

The day before the workshop, I called the yoga studio again to check. I held my breath. Surely, a couple people must have signed up by then.


“I’M SORRY, NO ONE HAS SIGNED UP, PRIYANKA,” THE LADY SAID.

My whole body became stiff. My heart beat faster. My lips trembled. I wanted to cry. But I didn’t let myself. I asked her whether I should even come on the workshop day. She advised me to come in case people would show up the day of the workshop.

The morning of the workshop, I wanted to simply cancel the workshop. I wanted to run away. The voice became louder telling me I told you so over and over. I agreed with the voice. It was a logical point she was making. What was the point of showing up if no one came? I would only embarrass myself.

But something was deeply transforming in me. Deep in my body, I knew the answer. That I had to go. I had to show up for my desire no matter the outcome. I couldn’t run away.

I jumped into the shower. As the warm water drizzled down my soft skin, I began to sob uncontrollably. I turned off the faucet. But tears still washed my face clean. My whole body throbbed and shook.

After this, everything seemed to be a blur. I threw on my clothes, had a quick bite, and stuffed the goodie gift bags I brought for the workshop participants and my laptop in my car.

I parked my car, but still didn’t have the courage to walk into the yoga studio.

So I called the lady and she told me again the same thing. No one had showed up. As I walked inside, something shifted inside me. I felt the fear melting. I handed her one of the gift bags and thanked her for being supportive throughout the process.

Afterwards, I treated myself to lunch. I feasted on a delicious sandwich and smiled. This was actually alright. I was proud of myself for facing my fear and not running away. This is why my higher self wanted me to go anyway. These are the lessons she wanted me to learn.


1. Show up fully for your desire.

When a desire bubbles in your heart, it’s because your soul wants you to expand and grow. Your heart never desires anything that it doesn’t feel is possible. Live with it. Feel it. I have always desired to be a creative person. It’s what nourishes my soul. I feel happy, alive, and joyful when I write and involve myself in other creative pursuits.

The purpose of your soul is to grow and expand. How? When? Why? That is different for every single person. Next time, a desire arises in you, do not dismiss it. Sit with it. Close your eyes. Visualize your desire.

How does it feel? Indulge all your senses. Touch. Smell. See. Hear. Taste. How does your heart feel? How is your body responding?

Give yourself the time and space to do this. It doesn’t matter how your desire will be manifested or even if it will be manifested. There is peace and beauty in just feeling the desire and it’s taking you on a path you don’t even realize at the moment.

By showing up for my workshop even though no one had showed up, my fear of being seen melted away and I’m now excited to forge forward with new ideas and workshops.

2. Face your fear, instead of running away.

Up to the day of the workshop, my standard impulse of running away from what scares and pushes my comfort zone raged. I really wanted to run away because I didn’t want to face my fear. It is uncomfortable and sweaty and sticky. But something clicked in my head.

I had to change how I was feeling inside in order to change my circumstances. Instead of viewing it as a roadblock, I saw it as an opportunity for change. Something needed to be changed inside me. There was a reason I was not living my life according to my truth.

Facing your fears allows you to see the patterns in your thinking that created your self-belief so you can flip those opportunities as moments for change and adopt a new self-belief that serves you.

Remember as Pema Chodron said:


“NOTHING EVER GOES AWAY UNTIL IT HAS TAUGHT US WHAT WE NEED TO KNOW.”


3. Your self-worth and value is not determined by the outcome.

One of the most important lessons I learned from this experience that my value and self-worth are not linked to the outcome of this workshop or any external person or thing.

The fact that I showed up fully for my desire is most important and my value and true state of abundance comes from inside.

You can tap into that inner feeling and state of abundance and richness anytime and that will reflect in your external world eventually. New channels and experiences will open up and take you on an even more meaningful journey.

4. Surrender deeply to the process.
Surrendering and letting go does not mean that you are giving up in any way. It is about pouring all your energy and consciousness in the moment in front of you and releasing what happened yesterday and is to happen tomorrow.

It means you are letting your energy guide your actions. It is about being in sync with your higher self and going with the flow with a gentle trust.

This process and preparation period exists because you are not fully ready to call and accept your heart’s deepest desires. You’re not ready to call in that perfect job, relationship, or large sum of money into your life.

So you are in transition. You are going through a divine process of preparation.

It means diving in even deeper with yourself and having the patience to see the beauty of this gorgeous process. It means committing to your inner growth and evolution even more passionately.

Because when that desire does finally arrive, you will be the person you need to be to fully accept and enjoy that desire. Your higher self knew this all along. The journey and destination will be that much sweeter.


Summary
Here’s a quick recap on what I learnt from no one showing up at my first workshop:
Show up fully for your desire
Face your fear, instead of running away
Your self-worth and value is not determined by the outcome
Surrender deeply to the process
Has this article helped you? Leave a comment below.

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How to Get over Your Fear of Public Speaking

At some point in your business career, you’re going to need to start presenting and selling to crowds. You’re going to need to learn how to influence groups of people.

Most importantly, you will need to communicate the value of what you’re offering in such a way that at the end, the crowd is pulling out their credit cards ready to buy.

It’s one of the most powerful skills you can possess as an entrepreneur, and it’s what separates the top earners from the masses. But for a lot of people, just the thought of speaking to an audience (let alone selling) terrifies them.


And you know what? I get it.

See, in high school and college, when the teacher said “Class, we’re going to do an oral assignment,” my heart immediately started pounding from anxiety. I was the guy who’d mysteriously be sick on the day it was due, unable to make it to class. Some years later, I got into internet marketing (late 2008) and I remember going to a live event in the suburbs of Perth with about 100 other strangers.

There were five different speakers who got up on stage and pitched their direct sales business, which I’d been looking at joining for a few weeks. I left that event feeling completely deflated: “If this is what it takes to be successful in this industry—getting up on stage and delivering live sales presentations—,” I thought, “then I have absolutely no hope!”

For years after I started my business, I avoided delivering live sales presentations at all costs. You couldn’t even get me to do a webinar, even though I’d be able to hide behind my computer.

Eventually, the loss in potential income that this avoidance was causing me began to outweigh my fear. So I forced myself to start doing public sales presentations. No matter how uncomfortable I felt, I’d consciously put myself in a position where I had no other choice but to deliver the presentation.

Since then, I’ve sold tens of millions of dollars worth of programs through public presentations.

Chances are that you will also need to sell to a live audience at some point. Here are the four most important lessons I’ve learned, which may help make it easier for you:
Don’t Write and Memorize a Script

What’s everyone’s greatest fear about speaking in front of others? It’s that when they get up there, they’ll forget what to say, that their brain will freeze and they’ll mumble and stumble and otherwise look like a fool.

So what do most people do? They write a script. If you write it down and memorize it, then you won’t have to be quick on your feet and your speech will become some sort of reflex or muscle memory. It’ll be as easy as hitting play on your iPod. Or so goes the theory.

I don’t recommend this approach for anyone because when you memorize a speech, your presentation ends up sounding stiff and rehearsed. It’s less likely to connect with your audience, which means you’re also less likely to make sales.
Use the “Table of Contents” Method

Think of your presentation as being a story you tell your audience. But instead of writing and memorizing an entire story, your notes will be more like a story’s table of contents—a couple of lines to remind you of what the entire “chapter” is about, so you don’t have to memorize a lot of material.

So, think of all the points you want to cover and then create a PowerPoint with just a line or two of notes on each slide.

Then, start practicing but instead of just reading off the slides, you should elaborate on each point and then fill in the talk off the top of your head. The first time around, you’ll find yourself starting and stopping, with a bunch of awkward pauses and do-overs. Don’t worry, take a break and go back to it. Try a few sessions throughout the day and let the ideas and different turns of phrases percolate a bit.

By the end of the day, you’ll find that you’ve more or less memorized the speech, but in a much more organic way than if you had memorized it word for word. It won’t necessarily be exactly the same each time you make the presentation, but that’s okay. You’ll know how to transition between each slide and you’ll give a more natural, authentic and truly live presentation.
Learn to Let Go

Whenever I feel uncomfortable about an upcoming talk, it’s often because there’s a particular point in it or a slide with something on it that I don’t feel 100% on board with. It may also be something that I’m trying to get a certain reaction from the crowd with. Sometimes it’s just the phrasing of something. For instance, a friend who listens to your talk may zero in on something they think the audience will misunderstand (though you know that only a fraction of the audience will likely be affected).

What should you do with these thoughts about how your talk will be interpreted? Forget ’em. Let go of the minutiae and share what you have. It’s about how you say it and not necessarily what you say. So don’t let the actual phrasing stress you out.
PowerPoint Doesn’t Give the Presentation

It may be a tempting “security blanket” to fill your PowerPoint slides with content and then read it word for word to your audience.

That will only be slightly less exciting for your audience as hearing a memorized speech. It’s annoying and also implies that they are not smart enough to read the slides for themselves.

Don’t do it.

Instead, put a little bit of info on each slide and make the font size large. Then focus on your delivery and engage your crowd directly.

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