Showing posts with label negative. Show all posts
Showing posts with label negative. Show all posts

Thursday, 4 May 2017

How to Create a Positive Business Mindset




Plenty of people will give you tips on how to succeed in business. But one of the most permeating and effective ideas is to keep a positive mindset. If you think negatively, you'll often simply discourage yourself and give up too soon. Keeping yourself positive will encourage you to keep going, keep trying, and eventually succeed. Here are just a few ways to turn your frown upside down and jump-start your success.

Positive affirmations: This idea operates under the concept that if you repeat something enough times, you're eventually going to start believing that it's true. While it can seem silly when you get started, it's a proven method of changing your thought processes and giving you a better attitude.

There are a lot of different methods you can use for positive affirmations. A good one is to take time out of each day with a pencil and a piece of paper. Start by writing something positive about yourself. Be sure that what you write is about you, is good and affirming, and is in the present tense. You can continue by coming up with other phrases to say about yourself or by writing the same statement over and over.

To take this one step further, try writing your reactions to your statements next to them on the page. It doesn't matter if your reactions or positive or negative, it just has to be honest about how it makes you feel. Eventually, you'll see your reactions becoming more positive (or at least less negative). That helps you know that you exercises are working and changing your attitude about yourself.

Surround yourself with positives: If you are constantly surrounded by negative people who only focus on the bad things, sooner or later so will you. In your personal and professional life, try to maintain relationships with positive, affirming people. Maybe they aren't successful, but they look on the bright side and make themselves feel successful. Eventually, their good attitude will rub off on you.

Meditation: If things aren't going well for you, or you're constantly surrounded by negative people and ideas, your mind is probably full of lots of thoughts, many of which aren't good. Clearing your mind of all the hassles can help you improve your mood, and meditation is a great way to accomplish this. It also can help you sleep better, feel better physically, relieve pain, and improve concentration.

Visualization: Take a moment to think about why you're doing what you're doing. Is it to make money to buy your dream car, or is it to make enough to send your children to college? Whatever it is, keeping your goals in mind will help motivate you to work harder and keep going. It will keep you thinking about the good things that will happen from your work instead of your current setbacks.

So how do you keep these goals in your mind? Visualize them. If you can picture them, they'll be more real and tangible to you. To help you visualize, you may want to put visual aides in your work space. Find a free piece of wall space and put pictures of your goals in that space - whether it's a picture of the car you want, the house you want, or even just a picture of your children.

Depending on your personality, staying positive might take some work, but it will be worth it in the long run.




Sunday, 30 April 2017

Think Your Way to a Better Life




Our thoughts are extremely powerful and either get us where we want to go or hinder us and hold us back from what we want to achieve so how do we think our way to a better life?

1. Realize the Importance of the Way you Think

I think the first step has to be realizing how influential your thoughts are in getting what you want out of life. If you realize their importance then you will make more effort in controlling your thoughts and focussing on the positive; if you don't realize their importance then you may just let your mind wander wherever is more natural for you and that may not be where you want to go. We need to take control of our thoughts before we can make them act for our good.

2. Take Note of Negative Thought Patterns and Take Steps to Overcome Them

Once you understand the important of your thoughts it is time to start taking note of your negative thought patterns that do not help you achieve what you want in life. Are you a procrastinator? Do you think that you will put off until tomorrow what should have been done yesterday? Do you commit self-sabotage? Do you think yourself into not succeeding at anything because you don't believe you will? Does negativity drain you of any energy you could put into more positive action? All of these thought patterns can be overcome and your mind can be trained to think right.

3. The Power of Affirmations and Visualization

Not only do you need to overcome negative thought patterns but you also need to train yourself to think positively and the best tools for this are visualization and affirmation. Visualization focusses you on what you want to achieve. It is a deliberate thinking about where you want to be. Affirmations fill your mind with positive thoughts and confessions and help you think positively and go after what you want in life. Picture yourself where you want to be instead of focussing on what you don't want in your life.

Why is Positive Thinking so Important Anyway?

In the first point I said you need to realize the importance of positive thinking, but why is it important? The fact is that when we focus on the negative we are drained of all energy and will become depressed and find it difficult to achieve the things we want to achieve. When we focus on what we want to become we find ways of making it happen. We have more energy to carry out the plans we develop for achieving our goals and gradually our life becomes totally different as we take these small actions and change the way we think.

Start taking control of your thoughts today - think positively, develop plans and visualize where you want to be instead of focusing on where you are. 

Before anything can happen it needs to begin as a thought; so think right.






Tuesday, 4 April 2017

Self-Worth: Why Not Make Yourself A Priority?



When is the last time you did something nice for yourself? Has it been months, possibly years? In order for you to love others, you must first love yourself. A way to increase your self-worth is to make yourself a priority. This may seem foreign to some women. Many of us have been taught to put everyone else's needs before ours. We were taught certain beliefs in our childhoods that we have carried with us into adulthood. Without realizing it, these beliefs have shaped our behaviors as adults. We picked up on certain things and learned certain things based on who we grew up around and what we were exposed to. For example, if you grew up seeing your mother fix everyone's plate first and she always ate last, then you may have grown up to believe that you are always supposed to eat last. I'm not saying whether that is right or wrong, it was just an example to show how our beliefs affect us. Whatever we were taught is what we have come to believe and it shows up in our lives. If you did not grow up seeing or having examples of women loving themselves and taking care of themselves, then you probably don't do that. Try to become aware of why you don't or have not made yourself a priority. Having some understanding of whom or what may have helped create your beliefs positively impacts you.

Self-love is an absolute must. Putting yourself first is good for you and everyone around you. The better you feel, the better your energy. That good energy spreads to other areas of your life. It's never too late to make a change. What brings you joy? What makes you feel good inside? Do you have a hobby that you always enjoyed but put on the backburner? Think about the things that make you smile or that get you excited just thinking about them. It could be anything. For some women, it may be dancing. For some, it may be painting. For some, it may simply be reading a good book. Whatever it is for you, try to get back to that in some way. Take time out for yourself. Give more to yourself. When you're happy on the inside, it radiates on the outside. Putting your energy into something that you really like, love or feel good about makes you feel good. When you feel good, you are more confident. There's nothing like a confident woman who knows her self-worth.

Today's women are doing it all. We all get caught up in our busy lives but we deserve time to ourselves. We deserve time to unwind and do something to rejuvenate ourselves. Whether it's going to the spa, getting your hair done, a massage, etc., the point is to do whatever makes you feel good. Love yourself. Even just dedicating an hour of quiet time to yourself could be how you give to yourself. There is nothing wrong with loving yourself and making yourself a priority. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for taking care of yourself. You deserve that.


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Sunday, 2 April 2017

Get Self Confidence in 5 Steps




It is important to be confident. Being confident, means to be secure in who you are and being certain in the decisions you make. Being confident in your abilities means that you are positive about yourself and it is this self confidence that make other people have trust on you. More sure you are about your skills, will make other people have more confidence on you. Self confidence goes a long way. From seeing everything in positive light, self confidence helps in career as well as life opportunities.

Every person is not born with the skill of self confidence but it is ability that can be groomed with a little dedication. Here are 5 pointers for boosting your confidence in yourself:


Concentrate on Positivity



Revaluate your life and take a break from the people who take you and your self confidence to a low. Try focusing on the solutions rather than the problems. Even if there is nothing going right, keep in mind that one day it will. Stay positive and concentrate on the silver lining in the dark clouds. It's your life and to enjoy it you have to stay positive and let go of negativity and negative people around you. Remember that after every rainy day, sun comes out.


Change in Body Language



It is said that people takes more cues from non-verbal language that is body language rather than verbal language. It is very necessary to have a good and agreeable body posture that shows your confidence. The straightforward task of pulling shoulders back provides a sense of confidence to you and lets other person see that you have confidence in your own abilities. Smiling and maintaining eye contact makes the other person comfortable around you.


Never Accept Failure



Don't accept failure and never give up. The act of accepting the failure shows that you can be easily defeated by your defeats and have no confidence in yourself. Follow the old saying of "Try and Try again and Never Quit". More you get challenged by a particular problem work hard and make sure that you try and complete the task. If you are continuously knocking yourself down with your negative thoughts, you are becoming what you are sermonizing within your head. Next time you think negatively, substitute it straight away for a positive assertion.


Always Be Prepared



Whether you go out for a job interview or you are working on a new project, learn to be always prepared. Discover everything, there is to know about your line of work, work, projects and more. Whatever maybe on your "to conquer" list, it is important that you always be prepared for all the setbacks and triumphs. If you are geared up, and have the skill to back it up, your self confidence will rise.


Create Accomplishment List



Life is full of trials and there are times when it's hard to keep our self confidence up. In those times, sit down and make a list of all the points in your life that you are thankful for and list of all the things you are proud of accomplishing. Once your lists are complete, keep them by your desk and always be reminded of what a marvelous life you have and what an incredible person you really are.

With these five steps, you can boost your self confidence and turn a new page of your life. Remember have trust in your abilities and your self confidence will show.




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Monday, 27 March 2017

Start With Desire




"Desire is the starting point of all achievement." Napoleon Hill.

Hill was not talking about an interest, a hope, or a wish for something. He was talking about a burning desire for something that exceeds any other longing.

If you do not have that desire yet for a specific thing then just start with a desire to be successful.

Once you resolve to be successful, start your self-improvement while you search for a specific goal.

That search should consider work that pleases you, a lifestyle that makes you happy, and achievement of a goal that makes you proud.

Depending on your interests, you might have more than one type of work that pleases you. Think about the alternatives in relation to the type of lifestyle each offers or requires.

Let's say that you have the skills to play professional baseball. Yet, you love the idea of spending lots of time with your wife and children. Do the two match? From what little I know, major league baseball players spend a lot of time during the season away from home. And the season could be six months long. Would that be a good match for you, or not?

There seem to be a number of higher level jobs that demand of lot of time spent working. And that work is mostly away from home.

Each of us is different. You might be willing to sacrifice lots of family time in order to be proud that you are a professional athlete, a Wall Street leader, or a high-priced lawyer.

Choosing one area that meets the three criteria I listed and creates a burning desire might not be easy. You must look at all the ideals you have for your life. Then you have to weigh the options in which you might be able to maintain those ideals while choosing a type of work, a lifestyle, and a way to be proud of yourself.

Depending on where you already are in life, perhaps you cannot find a choice that is perfect. If you are already a parent with children can you still choose to be a professional athlete? Holding to one value might prohibit selecting another.

Back to Napoleon Hill's quote. Once you have the desire to be successful, then find a goal for which you can have a burning desire because, overall, that goal gives you the best chance of preserving your ideals and making you happy.

When you have finally found your extraordinary goal spend time daily imagining the details of your happy life and feeling the pride of achievement.

This imagination will fuel the fire for your goal. As your imagination of a proud and happy life intensifies, so will your desire. And continued imagination will cause your desire to burn.



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Thursday, 23 March 2017

How To Identify Your Stress Points And Reduce Them






Most of our stresses happen for a reason. We are stressed for instance because of our work, because of a deadline or because of debt. Knowing what is causing the stress helps us to at least contextualize it and gives us hope that someday we might escape its clutches, but for many of us that is not enough.

The truth is when you break that stress down further and if you really get to know it, then you might just find that it starts to come apart and that it becomes much more manageable.

How To Reduce Your Stress So It's Not Too Much Of A Deal?

The trick is to break down your stress into specific things - into manageable chunks that you can deal with - and then to deal with the constituent parts.

So let's take a look at one of the biggest culprits: work. If your main stressor is work, then chances are that you can break this down further to identify precisely what it is about work that stresses you out. Here are some examples of aspects of our jobs that make us stressed:

Tight deadlines, angry demanding bosses, unpleasant colleagues, stressful workspaces, busy, long commutes, things you love doing but can't, wearing uncomfortable clothes, making cold calls, speaking in public, being overwhelmed but the amount of work you haven't completed etc.

All these things can make us feel stressed about our jobs and most likely there are a number of these things playing on your mind.

But now you've broken it all down and you know the specifics, you should find it becomes much easier to start dealing with the problems individually.

So for instance: if you have a colleague you don't like, you could ask to be moved to another part of the office. Likewise, if your workspace is uncomfortable, you could speak to HR about getting a new chair, or you could put a plant on your desk. Don't like the long commute? How about looking into a lift share, or finding an alternative route. Workload too big? Then again, speak to someone and ask to have it shared!

Likewise, you might find that other 'big' stresses in your life can be made easier when you break them down into their smaller constituents. Stressed about debt? Then perhaps one aspect of that is not being able to afford things - in which case writing a budget could help. Another aspect could be worrying about your credit score, in which case you could talk to your bank manager or a debt advisor.


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Tuesday, 14 March 2017

Why You Should Think Long Term to Overcome Immediate Setbacks



Hidden Lessons

It's easier to obsess over setbacks, than to try to play the long game when it comes to life.

After all, obstacles are real while the future is promised to no one.

Disappointments have a way of overpowering you, however, they are just one aspect of your life. The key is to continually move forward and to not become caught up in your problems for too long.

You mustn't allow what is taking place to overshadow your long-term plans. It was Henry Ford who said: "When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it."

Like buried treasure, opportunities are hidden in your setbacks if you are willing to look hard enough. Once the anxiety settles, you come to realise the real account emerges.

Life should be measured in its entirety, not by your failures. If you're lucky enough, you will live a long life. So, avoid giving too much attention to your setbacks, since you are likely to bounce back from them.

That is, don't overstate what is taking place. We have a tendency towards a negativity bias which gets the better of us. Yes, your setbacks may be real, but you will overcome them to the best of your ability.

"If you can remember to look at your long-term goals, however, it will help you put setbacks into perspective," affirms author Amy Morin in 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do.

Move your awareness away from negativity and consider the long-term view.

What could be taking place behind the scenes that you are unaware of?

Is there is a hidden lesson contained within the setback?

Self-Control and Discipline

The value of adopting a long-term view is in not taking things too seriously because ultimately it will resolve itself if you are patient.

You must develop a clear picture of your intended future, instead of focusing on the setback.

Obstacles are part of every person's life. Whilst they are difficult to deal with, they allow for vital personal growth for the journey ahead.

You must adopt self-control and discipline to think long-term.

No one knows what the future holds, but if you have a purposeful vision of what it might look like, you can overcome your short term pain.

"Failures, setbacks, bad luck, disasters; they are there to serve you, not hold you back. They toughen you up and drive you to improve. Frustration fuels growth. It gives you the energy and resolve to clean yourself up, get organized, fix what you can, and take the next step," states author Larry Weidel in Serial Winner: 5 Actions to Create Your Cycle of Success.

Long-term thinking helps you appreciate that things will improve and you are never trapped in your present circumstances.

Time tests your inner resolve, your strength of character and your ability to withstand present conditions. Emotional growth occurs when you allow a situation to play out as it should.

It is difficult to take a long-term view because our minds are not accustomed to think far ahead. We are conditioned to deal with what is taking place now and typically have a limited view of tomorrow.

That comes at a cost to our wellbeing, because if we follow this script we are constantly putting out spot fires instead of working on larger goals.

To think long-term, develop an introspective outlook while reviewing your plans for the future.

Imagine Your Proposed Future

Take action however small, whether it be things such as self-reinforcement, affirmations or visualisations. Success is found in the smallest details.

In his book The Time Paradox: The New Psychology of Time That Will Change Your Life, psychologist and professor at Stanford University, Philip Zimbardo, states there are six time paradoxes that shape our lives:

1. Past-negative

2. Past-positive

3. Present-fatalistic

4. Present-hedonistic

5. Future

6. Transcendental-future

Based on his principles, your relationship with time influences every aspect of your life. So if you dwell on the past, you are less likely to appreciate the present moment and plan for the future.

The key to long term thinking is to imagine your proposed future through the power of your imagination. Focus on the smaller destinations instead of the larger picture.

For example, if your goal is to lose 10 kg (22 lbs) by the end of the year and you are suddenly injured (setback), this will make it difficult to exercise and adhere to your goal.

However, you could focus on the setback or what you can do during this period.

Use this time to fine-tune your nutritional habits by consuming fewer carbohydrates, owing to inactivity. Later, when you can exercise again you are likely to enhance your weight loss due to following sound nutritional habits.

"You need to change your self-talk in order to shift the story you're telling yourself about setbacks and adversity. You need to seek the insight or wisdom in challenging moments," affirms author Adam Markel in Pivot: The Art and Science of Reinventing Your Career and Life.

Focus on the Long Game

There is always some action to take however small, to move you forward towards your goals.

Long-term thinking is something I've followed throughout my adult life. Whilst others excelled in individual areas and gained immediate results, I focused on long-term outcomes.

I experience setbacks and obstacles like most others, yet I don't allow it to consume me. When I find myself stuck in a situation, I consider it a minor speed hump in what is a long journey.

I enjoy author Whitney Johnson's view in her book Disrupt Yourself: Putting the Power of Disruptive Innovation to Work: "As I have grappled with my own failures, and as I have watched others dealing with setbacks, I have observed several responses that seem to ameliorate failure, transforming it into a stepping-stone to future success."

That is the framework of this entire piece - using your setbacks as a stepping stone for future success. It is what esteemed Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck calls developing a Growth Mindset.

"Dweck says it's difficult to maintain confidence in a fixed mind-set without distorting the world, such as acting defensively or blaming someone or something else for setbacks," says Peter Sims in Little Bets: How breakthrough ideas emerge from small discoveries.

To overcome a setback, recognise it as a minor process in what is a greater plan unfolding. Deal with what is taking place by all means, but use the lessons to develop a Growth Mindset.

In closing, I invite you to focus on the long game for your life.

That is where the fruit of your labour lies waiting for you to seize it, rather than dwell on your past mistakes.

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Monday, 13 March 2017

12 Tips For Conquering Anxiety




Anxiety is part of the human condition. Search for somebody that never ever feels anxiety. Some individuals are more resistant to stress and anxiety than others, but everyone can reinforce their capability to manage anxious sensations. Establishing a high level of anxiety is a learned ability. Reducing stress and anxiety is an ability, too.

The crucial factor to managing anxiety is to begin reducing it as soon as possible after it hits you. The more it develops, the more challenging it is to manage.

Deal with anxiety rapidly and easily:

1. Break your day into small pieces. Just worry about the percentage of time in front of you. If you're sitting in a conference at 9:00 AM, there's no need to fret about how you're going to pay the electric bill or exactly what you're going to have for dinner. Take the day a minute at time and keep your interest on that minute.

2. Create a mantra and utilize it. Have a positive and uplifting phrase you repeat to yourself. You'll eventually begin to think it and you'll obstruct any negative self-talk.

" I'm happy with the ability to manage any circumstance."

" My life is filled with joy and positive energy."

3. Workout. The quickest way to relieve anxiety is to work out enough to sweat. A casual walk is better than nothing, but to get the greatest benefit, it's necessary to get your heart beating hard.

4. Utilize distractions. Distractions never ever fix the underlying problem, but can supply relief. See a movie, play cards, or do a crossword. Hang out with a friend. Give yourself a break and put your focus in other places.

5. Keep going. Anxiety occurs since some part of your brain is attempting to stop you from doing something about it. It has learned that it can control you by making you feel miserable. You can reduce the anxiety you feel by plowing ahead. Your brain will learn that making you feel anxious does not work.

6. Give yourself 20 minutes to fret and worry each day. Schedule your worry time. You'll find yourself less inclined to fret throughout the other 23-plus hours of the day.

7. Change your environment. Leave your existing environment and provide yourself a change of scenery. Go to the park or invest some time at the coffee shop. Spend an hour window shopping. Shake things up a bit.

8. Hang out with your pet. If you have a pet, you know how reassuring they can be. Rest on the floor and have a heart-to-heart with your pet. How could you not feel better?

9. Write in a journal. Get your anxiety out of your head and down on paper. There's something cathartic about writing when you're stressed out. Make a habit of writing about your life each day.

10. Discover the best aroma. The right scent can be relaxing. Travel to the candle store and find something that makes you feel excellent when you smell it. Or check out some of the aromatherapy oils at your local health store.

11. Find a hobby that requires concentration. It could be chess, playing the piano, or knitting. It doesn't matter what the pastime is as long as you enjoy it and it requires your complete attention. It can be a fantastic way to invest your down time.

12. Envision. Envision something positive. Fantasize about Maui or keep in mind a favorable experience from the past. Imagine your perfect day.

Dealing with stress and anxiety is necessary. Effective individuals are successful due to their ability to handle stress and anxiety effectively. When you feel fear begin to build, deal with it instantly. A high level of anxiety is very difficult to manage. 

Develop a list of methods that can be carried out rapidly when stress and anxiety first appear.


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Friday, 10 March 2017

How To Turn A Negative Situation Into A Positive One



Negative emotions are the single biggest enemy that any of us have.

If we had no negative emotions, our lives would be wonderful — as would our relationships, our health and everything else.

I’ve spent more than 4,000 hours studying this, and today I will be providing you with some strategies for turning negative situations into positive ones.




Where Do Negative Emotions Come From?

The great business of life is to eliminate negative emotions. To solve this, we have to answer the question:

Where do negative emotions come from?

Almost all negative emotions depend on blaming someone or something else for negative situations that happen in their life. The problem here then, is that people hold on to those negative emotions, even if they cannot change the outcome and are angry about it.
The Key To Eliminating Negative Emotions

The key to eliminating negative emotions is this:

Take responsibility for yourself, your reactions and your situation.

You cannot take responsibility for your life, your situation, and your reactions and be negative at the same time. Your mind can only focus on one thought at a time, positive or negative.

So anytime you feel negative say to yourself over and over again:

“I am responsible.”

You might be thinking right now: “But Brian, in a situation involving other people, how can I be responsible for what they did?”

Here’s how: In every situation, whether it involves you directly or not, you are always at least partially responsible for what happened.

You got yourself into the situation, you stayed in the situation, you did or said certain things in the situation, so you’re not completely innocent. You at least had something to do with it.

Here’s another possibility: Let’s say you had nothing to do with the negative situation, maybe you weren’t involved at all. You’re still responsible for how you respond to it.

This is what is called your ‘response-ability’ — your ability to respond in a positive way. And again, to respond in a positive way, you simply repeat to yourself “I am responsible.”
You Have Complete Control

The truth is nobody can make you feel negative, other than you. If you think about things that make you feel unhappy or angry, you are going to feel negative. If you think about things that make you happy and excited about your life, you will feel positive.

The most important thing to remember about negative feelings is this: you have complete control over the way you feel, the way you respond to any situation and the things you think about at any minute of the day.

Exercise your ability to respond positively, take responsibility for your role in negative situations, and allow yourself to let go of negative feelings that might be trapped inside of you.

Before we wrap up, I’d like to leave you with a thought to share with your friends and followers:


“Accept complete responsibility for every part of your life. Refuse to blame others or make excuses.” 


Now I’d love to hear from you. So my question today is:

“Which recent negative situation in your life can you turn into a positive?”

Leave a comment below, and I’ll be sure to follow up with you.



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Wednesday, 8 March 2017

Are You Whole or Full of Holes?



In order to be in a healthy relationship, both people in the couple need to be whole and complete in themselves. Part of being a whole person is exploring the different things that interest you in addition to the things that keep you healthy. The other part of being a whole person is to be able to fill yourself up intrinsically. The thing that happens to many people is that they try to fill their holes externally.

In the movie Jerry Mcguire, there was a famous line, "You complete me." It was romantic and many people in the years that passed wanted to hear those words. The thing is no one else can complete you. She or he can compliment who you are. You can want to be a better you when you are with him/her but only you can complete you.

Here are 5 signs that you may be full of holes and looking outside of yourself to get them filled:

1. You say I love you not so much because you mean it but because you want to hear it back

2. You need constant reassurance or validation from your significant other for example: "Do you still love me"; "Are you ready to leave me yet". You ask not because it is a true question but because you need to hear the "yes".

3. You require your partner to read your mind, "if you loved me, you'd know what I want". Instead of directly asking for what you want or stating your needs

4. Getting angry when your expectations are not met when never actually letting your partner know what your expectations are.

5. Putting the needs and wants of your partner ahead of your own and forgetting that your needs are important.

Here are 5 ways to become more of a whole person and filling up from within:

1. Love yourself unconditionally so that you can love another.

2. Recognize when you accomplish something important to you and give yourself a pat on the back

3. Acknowledge how you are feeling and then take time to feel those feelings

4. Find something to be grateful about everyday.

5. When life hands you lemons, ask now what... the possibilities are endless - lemonade, lemon chicken, lemon pie... you get the idea.

Just remember that one of the most loving and romantic things that you can say to yourself is, "I complete me".

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Saturday, 4 March 2017

How to Live a Happy Life: 10 Things to Say Yes to Starting Today

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”
Marcus Aurelius
“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
Abraham Lincoln
“If you want happiness for an hour — take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day — go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year — inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime — help someone else.”
Chinese Proverb


Saying no is often the easier way out.
When you say no you can safely stay within your comfort zone. You don’t have to fear failing or being rejected. The scary unknown and sometimes difficult change can be avoided.
But if you say yes your life can expand and deepen. The yes allows you to open up your life to more happiness.
Today I would like to share 10 things that I have said yes to and that have helped me to become happier in my life.
Pick one of these that resonate the most with you and focus on making it a part of your life.
1. Being imperfect.
Trying to be perfect is setting the bar too high. It will be impossible to reach. And so you’ll lower your self-esteem. You may not feel very happy about how things are going in your life. Even though they might be going very well indeed.
Perfectionism is mindset that eats at you and your happiness. Saying yes to being imperfect can turn that around.
How to do it:
  • Realize the costs of buying into myths of perfection. By watching too many movies, listening to too many songs and just taking in what the world is telling you it is very easy to be lulled into dreams of perfection. It sounds so good and wonderful and you want it.
    But in real life it clashes with reality and it can harm or possibly lead you to end relationships, jobs, projects etc. just because your expectations are out of this world. I find it very helpful to remind myself of this simple fact.
  • Go for good enough. Aiming for perfection usually winds up in a project or something else very slowly or never being finished. So go for good enough instead. Don’t use it as an excuse to slack off. But simply realize that there is something called good enough and when you are there then you are finished with whatever you are doing.
2. Being you.
Not being able to be yourself, always trying to change for others or censoring yourself don’t feel good at all. It makes life feel so small and limited.
So how can you be yourself? Your environment plays a huge part.
How to do it:
  • Supportive people. Spend more time with the people who support your dreams, values and you. Or are at least neutral. And spend less time with people who always criticize you or you simply aren’t a good fit for.
  • Supportive and life-expanding influences outside of your everyday life. Change your environment not only close to you. Go further and spend more time with sources of information that supports your dreams and can give you information that expands and makes your life happier and more exciting. Find support from people you have never met via books, movies, blogs, forums and music. And spend less time with negative and limiting influences.
3. The things that make you come alive.
It is important to find some time and energy for the things that you feel makes you come alive.
How to do it:
  • Mix it up. Try something new, even if it is just something small each week. Eat the vegetarian dish at lunch if you always eat meat. Listen to some music that isn’t your normal cup of tea. Go out to a movie, cafĂ© or pub with friends if you usually stay in at night. Or vice versa. Create variation and expand your comfort zone regularly in small ways to live a happier life.
  • Reconnect with what you used to love if it has fallen by the wayside. If you used to go fishing, paint or play the guitar and it really made you come alive then reconnect. Use an hour for it this week and see if it still brings you joy and makes you come alive.
4. Optimism.
Pessimism can really limit your life and bring it to a standstill. It can make it feel like there’s no point in trying because it won’t make a difference or you’ll just fail. It can create ceilings and walls made out of glass where there really are none.
Saying yes a more optimistic way of thinking can on the other hand open your life up.
How to do it:
  • Ask yourself optimistic questions. When you’re in what seems like a negative situation then make something better out of it by asking yourself questions that promote optimism and helps you to find solutions. Questions like: What is one thing that is positive or good about this situation? And what is the opportunity within this situation?
  • Start your day off on the right foot. As mentioned in tip #2, the influences in your life can make a huge difference. So choose to spend your breakfast time with an optimistic influence like for example a book, a blog or your mom. Or talk to someone early in the day that most often supports and cheers you up like a co-worker or a friend in school.
5. Turning negative self-talk around.
It is very important to keep your motivation and your self-esteem up to live a happier life.
Your inner critic may be one of biggest obstacles standing in your way of that. If you make a mistake or fail, if someone criticizes you or if you are just getting tired then that small inner voice can become louder and louder and drag and keep you down.
It can tell you that you are stupid or lazy. That you will not succeed. That you are worse or uglier than someone else.
Being able to turn the inner critic around or to shut it up as soon as it pops up is a very helpful skill.
How to do it:
  • Say stop. Simply create a stop word or stop-phrase that you say or shout in your mind whenever your critic pipes up with a distorted and self-esteem hurting thought. Say: Stop! Or: No, no, no, we are not going there again!
  • Explain to yourself what this will lead to over the next year or more. As I mentioned in tip #1, reminding yourself of the cost of buying into myths of perfection is a powerful way to replace those thought habits. This works very well for other self-esteem hurting thought patterns too. Remind yourself of how the inner critic has shaped your life so far. And in your mind see the cost of letting it roam free for another year or five.
6. Saying no when you feel it is the right thing for you to do.
To have the time and energy to say yes to the most important things you have to say no to some things too.
How to do it:
  • What do I truly want to focus my time and energy on? When you get an offer or an opportunity arises ask yourself this question. When you look over your schedule ask yourself this question. Think about and look at what your top priorities are and what you deep want before you say anything.
  • Disarm and then state your need. It becomes easier for people to accept your no if you disarm them first. You could for example do that by honestly saying that you are flattered or that you appreciate the kind offer. Then you, for instance, add that you do not have the time for accepting and doing what they want. Or say that you do not feel that this offer is a good fit for your life right now.
7. Forgiveness.
Not clinging to the past and to the hurt that is there but to let it go and look to the now and the future is an essential thing to find more happiness in your life.
Forgiving is not always easy and can take time but there are some things that can make it a little easier.
How to do it:
  • Remind yourself that you forgive for your own benefit. As long as you don’t forgive someone you are linked to that person. Your thoughts will return to the person who wronged you and what he or she did over and over again.
    The emotional link between the two of you is so strong and inflicts much suffering in you and – as a result of your inner turmoil – most often in other people around you too. When you forgive you do not only release the other person. You set yourself free from all of that agony too.
  • Make a habit of forgiving yourself. Do not just forgive others but also yourself. By forgiving yourself – instead of resenting yourself for something you did a week or 10 years ago – you make the habit of forgiveness more and more of a natural part of you. And so forgiving others becomes easier too.
8. Making someone else happy.
Making someone else happier has many benefits. The happiness spreads back to you as you see his or her face light up and as you know you did the right thing.
It spreads back to you as people have a strong tendency to want to give back when you have done something good for them. And it spreads out into the world as that now happier person may spread his or her happiness to other people.
How to do it:
  • Help out practically. Lend someone a hand when they are moving. Or give them a ride in your car. Or if they need information, try to find a solution by asking the people you know or via Google.
  • Just listen. Sometime a friend or someone close to you may just want to vent or for someone to listen as he or she figures things out. It may not seem like much but it can be an immense help for someone who needs it. So be there fully – don’t sit there thinking about something else – and listen.
9. Openness and growth.
Saying yes to being open to the good things in life and growing as a person plays a big role when it comes to happiness.
The other things in this article will help you with that. But here are two more tips that will make your journey a little easier and simpler.
How to do it:
  • Change one thing at a time. Changing many things or your whole life at once sure sounds good. But willpower is something we often overestimate and everyday life tends to come in the way. So to make sure you have a much better chance of changing a habit or area of your life change just one thing at a time.
  • Start small. Just say no to one small thing you don’t want to do this week. Or forgive one person for one thing. Or help and make someone happy in some small way. Take just one small step outside of your comfort zone.
10. To living your life fully despite setbacks.
When things have been standing still for while or you hit a bump in the road then it’s easy to back down. To shrink. To give in or give up.
But a better way to say yes to happiness in those situations is to say yes to living your life fully.
How to do it:
  • Keep going. When you fail or make a mistake don’t give up. Reconnect with optimism by using the questions further up in this article. Find inspiration from books and blogs and the people around you. Don’t beat yourself up. Instead nudge yourself back on track again.
  • Remember, it’s not too late to change your life. I didn’t really try to improve my life very much until I was 25. And many throughout the world and history have made positive changes far later in life than that. So if you want to make a change then start today. Work with what you have where you are right now. Start small and take the first step towards something new.
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