7 Ways To Make People Feel Important.

I have been reading the Power of Self Discipline recently and it has been quite fascinating. I personally struggle with patience, consistency and relationship with other people. In one of the chapters Brian talks about the 7 ways to make people feel important. This really resonated with me and helped me a lot, so i'd really like to share it here with you.

7 Ways To Make People Feel Important.

When you focus on making other people feel important , you reinforce their self image, increase self esteem and make them feel happy about themselves, and by extension , yourself. Whenever you say, or do, anything to raise the self esteem of the other person ,you trigger a boomerang effect that causes your own self esteem to go up at the same time, and in the same measure.

1 Accept people the way they are , without judgement or evaluation.

2 Show you appreciation for others.

3 Be agreeable. The most welcome people in every situation are those who are generally agreeable and positive with others, on the other hand argumentative people who question , complain and disagree are seldom welcome anywhere. When you nod , smile and agree with another person, when he or she is talking , or expressing an opinion you make that person feel intelligent, respected, valuable and important. When you are agreeable with another person, even if they say something with which you may not be in complete accord, you make that person feel happy to be in your presence.

4. Show your admiration. Express admiration for a persons appearance. Compliment a person traits or characteristics. Compliment a persons accomplishments.

5. Pay attention to others. Listen attentively when they speak.

6. Never criticise, condemn or complain about anything, whether it be directly or indirectly. Never do, or say, anything that lowers a persons self esteem or makes them feel less important or valuable. Refuse to gossip or discuss other people in a negative way.. Never say anything about a person that you would not say to their face.

7. Be courteous, concerned and considerate of everyone you meet. The 3 C's.

Exercise

1. Make a list of the most important friends in your work and personal life. What could you do to make them feel better about themselves?

2. Identify the one things you could do in every meeting or encounter to make the other person feel important.

3. Resolve to make each person feel more valuable & worthwhile because he or she spoke to you.

4. Practice non - judgemental-ism in all your relationships. Always assume the best of intentions on the part of others.

5. Imagine that each person you meet has only a short time to live and you are the only person who knows.

6. Find something about each person that is impressive to you and then tell the other person how impressed you are.

7. Imagine that there is a hidden camera and a microphone recording every interaction you have with other people, how would you behave differently?

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Three Steps to Beating Stress

The body's natural flight or fight response to stress is designed to protect vital functions from attack until the threat is gone. It does this by pumping hormones into the blood stream, mainly cortisol. The boost in cortisol helps to heighten your alertness and shift energy to essential bodily functions, temporarily. One of the functions that has energy removed from it during stressful periods is the digestive system. The body slows down the energy required to process and digest food in the digestive tract until the stress period is over.

You may have experienced unpleasant reactions, like stomach aches and diarrhea, in your gut in response to immediate stresses. If you remain in a heightened stressful state over a long period, the elevated cortisol levels and stress-response systems can cause significant damage to your body. Stress can also make existing digestive problems worse, leading to more abdominal pain, nausea and heartburn. According to the National Institutes of Health, one in five Americans has a common and very uncomfortable digestive malady, irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), which produces pain, bloating and sometimes diarrhea and constipation.

Many of these digestive problems appear to react or to become more pronounced in response to stress events. The continuing discomfort can affect your mood and it can affect your health. In addition to IBS, you may experience indigestion as another disorder affected by stress. Feeling bloated and wanting to throw up for no apparent reason may be a symptom of a stress response. When the stress is gone, these symptoms disappear. You may also experience heartburn as the stomach may cause the stomach to produce more acid. If your diet contributes to heartburn issues, stress can only make it worse.

When your digestive processes are disrupted, you may create an unbalanced bacterial population, starting in your stomach. This can lead to a growth of the bacteria that lead to ulcers and may worsen ailments where inflammation or infections are present, such as Crohn's disease. Sustained stress can result in a variety of undesirable physical and functional disorders. While all of this is occurring, your body's immune system is compromised for two reasons. The heightened cortisol levels helps to suppress your immune system as part of the stress response. A poorly functioning digestive system will not be able to extract nutrients from your food, which further degrades your body's ability to remain strong and cope with the stress.

It is not possible to avoid all stress-producing events. Life goes on around us and we feel as if we are on a roller coaster with emotional ups and downs with each new turn. However, we can take some important steps to keep our bodies working optimally by reducing the stress levels and improving our ability to recover from these events. The first thing to think about is a walking timeout. Whenever possible, at the first sign of stress, try to take a walk of no less than ten minutes. Exercise helps to re-balance your hormones and keep you on an even keel. Walking near trees and grass will further stimulate positive reactions in your brain, which will help you to relax.

Next, make sure your diet is packed with a diverse range of nutrient rich vegetables, fruits and proteins. Remove processed sugars and starches from your diet as much as possible. The excess sugar helps to promote inflammation and digestive issues. Finally, add a good multi-species probiotic to your diet, including plain sugar free yogurt or kefir to help boost the population of beneficial bacteria in your digestive system. Exercise and nutrition will go a long way to helping you manage stress, and keep your system working through the next events that are bound to come.

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The Top 5 Timeless Tips for Handling the Holiday Stress and Finding Inner Peace

“May you have warmth in your igloo, oil in your lamp, and peace in your heart!”
Eskimo proverb

The holidays are upon us.

A time of needed relaxation and more time with the people closest to us.

A time of stress and worries. A time of not all the joy you may have hoped for or been promised by upbeat advertising and movies.

It can be a time of mixed feelings.

So today I would like to share 5 powerful and timeless tips that can help you to make these holidays a more joyful and peaceful time.

1. Slow down.

“For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.”
Lily Tomlin

First, slow down. Even if it may feel silly and if you have to force it a bit. Slow down your body, move and walk slowly.

Breathe slower and more deeply with your belly (and focus on doing just that for two minutes and see what happens).

Slow down your eating (this will not only help you to relax, it will also help you to not eat too much during the holidays since it takes about 20 minutes for your brain to register that you are full).

Slow it all down and pay attention to what you are doing. Be here now and focus on doing just one thing at a time. By slowing down, by being here now, by not having your focus split between many things you – your body and your mind – start to relax.

2. Appreciate the little things instead of focusing on perfection.

“Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.”
Winnie the Pooh

Daily happiness is to a large part about appreciating the small things. If you just allow yourself to be happy when accomplishing a big goal or when everything lines up just perfectly then you are making life harder than it needs to be.

Instead, focus on appreciating things that you may take for granted.

Take two minutes and find things in your life you can appreciate now. If you want a handful of suggestions, here are a few of the things that I like to appreciate around the holidays:
All the tasty food.
My health.
My family and friends.
That I have a roof and a warm home as the snow is falling and the cold winds are blowing.
The beautiful wintery landscapes.

3. Give a bit of joy to someone else.

“Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

This may sound like an empty cliché but it surely works. One of the best ways to become happier is simply to make others happier.

When you make someone else happy you can sense, see, feel and hear it. And that happy feeling flows back to you.

And since the Law of Reciprocity is strong there is another upside. People will feel like giving back to you. Or like paying it forward to someone else.

And so the two (or more) of you keep building an upward spiral of for example positivity, of helping out, of cheering up and of lending a listening ear and support.

4. Focus on what is most valuable.

“You can never get enough of what you don’t need to make you happy.”
Eric Hoffer

“Joy is not in things; it is in us.”
Benjamin Franklin

Instead of focusing on a lot of things focus on what is most important and valuable to you.

If you still have Christmas gifts to buy then instead of giving away a lot of expensive stuff it may be better to give one thing that the person you are giving it to will truly appreciate.

Or maybe you could skip giving a physical thing altogether. And instead give away an experience that will become a special day and cherished memory for him or her or for the two of you.

However you choose to go about things over the holidays make it YOUR choices as best you can and not a bunch of shoulds that mostly make you feel deflated.

5. Just accept how you feel right now.

“We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.”
Carl Jung

Maybe you try some of the tips above. And they still can’t help you to shake that negativity, worries or stress you are carrying around. I would then suggest that you just accept that the feeling is there.

Tell yourself: This is how I feel right now and I accept it.

This might sound counter-intuitive and like you are giving up. However, by accepting how you feel instead of resisting it you reduce the emotional energy that you are feeding into this conflict or problem.

And it then tends to lose speed like a car that runs out of fuel. Sometimes the problem or conflict will then become so weak that it just moves out of your mind.

By accepting what is you have now freed up energy and your attention so your mind can become more level-headed, open and constructive once again. And you can see more clearly and take focused action towards a solution

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6 Everyday Tips on How to Stay Happy No Matter What

We are used to thinking our happiness depends on external circumstances. We are waiting for something magical to come into our lives and make it bright.

Some of us are waiting for real love. Others — for a great job. The list of our wishes is huge. And it is amazing that we have dreams, that we make wishes and look for something special to fill our lives with.

However, life happens here and now, and it is wrong to spend it waiting. There is no sense in going through it blindfolded, waiting for tomorrow, the next week or the next year to finally find happiness and the meaning of our life.

It’s not going to happen. We simply need to start living. Right now.


How to Stay Happy No Matter What

There is no magic. It’s how our life is created, actually.

There are a lot of theories on what we were born for and what the goal of our existence is. We could discuss it for years and still there is no guarantee we’ll find the answer. And moreover, there is no guarantee the answer will help.

The best you can do is to let it go and live your life today. With no purpose. But feeling love and happiness. Here is how to stay happy no matter what:

1. Don’t look for happiness — radiate it.

I know, it’s hard to radiate joy when you slept bad, or have troubles at work. But look at it differently. Maybe, the reason for your insomnia and troubles is the lack of good thoughts?

We can’t stop wars and cataclysms by smiling to strangers, but we can change the atmosphere around us doing it.

Everyone wonders why there are so few smiling faces; why people sometimes are rude and indifferent.

Don’t wonder, reduce the number of such people by changing yourself.

Create your own rules and follow them strictly. Fill your mind with positive thoughts and spread them around. Soon your entourage and your perception of the outside world will change beyond recognition.


2. Stop trying.

You’ve heard what you’ve heard: stop it. Stop trying too hard to look good, stop trying to impress someone. Stop pretending you are someone else. It is so exhausting, still — useless.

Let yourself have a rest. This crazy race in quest of a better life is a fallacy.

This illusion of the «normal» life the public has put in your mind (and you have thankfully accepted) leads you to the wrong destination. Besides, it hinders you to enjoy the way.

There are a lot of words and pieces of advice. Now it is time to listen to yourself. And, if you feel it’s not right, stop. Take a break. Turn back. Or continue doing what you were doing. But this time, consciously realizing it’s your life that happens now.


3. Enjoy being alone.

It’s the logical continuation of the previous paragraph and the necessary part of being happy in the moment. And it is not scary at all.

Today the solitude isn’t in the trend, so we do our best to avoid it and fill our life with something we don’t actually need. Just not to be alone.

There are tons of articles which tell you how to find your soul mate, how to get married, how to make friends. It forces us to feel bad about being alone.

Don’t get sucked into these tricks.

If we can’t be happy alone, being happy with someone else seems to be a daunting task.

Get acquainted with yourself. You are amazing.


4. Stay open-minded.

Paradoxically, but as a rule, being alone helps to keep your mind open.

Diving deep into your own thoughts, exploring your own feelings, you realize you don’t actually differ from others all that much. Despite the fact that we look different and that we have different jobs and hobbies; we do have common goals. And it rallies us stronger than anything.

As soon as you understand this, the outside world won’t seem hostile. You realize it’s your home — our home — we are all connected and need each other to make this world a happy place for everyone.


5. Be grateful.

Sometimes I look around and see people who are enjoying their troubles. They treat them as though they’re the most valuable and important things in the world. And if there aren’t any, they feel confused, as if they miss something they could be whining about.

Are you such a person? Don’t be.

Be grateful for those wonderful things you have: food on your table, warm blanket, education, paid work. Rights, abilities, opportunities. Don’t take all these things for granted.

Politeness, respect, and other good manners should be perceived as usual things. Be grateful when people have them and express them. It’s easy, but it makes a huge difference for you both.

6. Accept yourself.

Being yourself is not the same as accepting yourself. You could force yourself to act naturally, and still feel uncomfortable with it, and with who you are.

Accept yourself. Radiate love not only among others but among yourself. Let yourself make mistakes, act illogically and be imperfect.


Summary

All the things I’ve written above doesn’t mean you need to stay positive permanently.

Melancholy, bad mood, and even anger are normal things. They also need to be a part of your life. As the beauty of the life is in its variety.

Just pass it through you, take a deep breath and concentrate on the positive.

Happiness is a choice. Just make yours.
What do you do to stay happy? Leave a comment below.

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How to Overcome Failure: 9 Powerful Habits

“Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.”
C. S. Lewis

“I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.”
Michael Jordan

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.”
Samuel Beckett

Oftentimes things go OK or even better than that.

But on some days they don’t.

You make a mistake, have setback or you simply fail. It’s no fun. But you can’t avoid it either unless you avoid doing anything at all.

So what’s needed is a smart and self-kind way to handle such situations instead of letting them lead to vicious self-beatings and to them dragging you down into negativity for the day or month.

This week I’d like to share 9 habits that’ve helped me with that. I hope they will be useful for you too.

1. First, just accept how you feel.

When you’ve just failed it will most likely hurt. Sometimes a bit. Sometimes a lot.

That’s OK. Don’t try to push it away by distracting yourself or by trying to push the responsibility onto the rest of the world (if you deep down know that this one’s on you partly or fully). And don’t try to paint it over with a smile.

I’ve found that it works better to not let yourself be lead away by those options or impulses.

But to just be with what I’m thinking and feeling. To try to accept it, to let it in and to hurt for a while instead of trying to reject it all and to keep it away.

Because when you let it in and accept it then it will go faster and in the long run be less painful to process what has happened.

If you reject how you really feel then those emotions will pop up at unexpected times later on and can make you moody, pessimistic, angry or sad.

2. Remember: you’re not a failure just because you had a setback.

When you’ve had a setback it’s very easy to start thinking that you will always keep failing in this area of your life. It’s easy to start thinking that YOU are indeed a failure.

Don’t fall for such a destructive and sometimes seductive self-fulfilling prophecy.

Instead, remind yourself that:
Just because you failed today or yesterday doesn’t mean that you’ll fail the next time.
The truth is that this won’t last for the rest of your life if you keep moving forward, if you take action and you keep learning and it doesn’t label you as some kind of failure (except if you decide to create that label in your own head).

Seeing what’s negative as a temporary thing instead of something permanent is an essential key to an optimistic attitude and to keep going forward in life.

3. Be constructive and learn from this situation.

See it more as valuable feedback and something you can use to improve rather than only a big blow and setback.

I’ve found that the simplest and most helpful way to do that is to ask myself better questions (instead of the common ones that send you off into a negative spiral).

Questions like:
What’s one thing I can learn from this?
How can I adjust my course to avoid this trap/making the same mistake and likely do better next time?
What’s one thing I can differently the next time?

Take some time with these questions and be honest with yourself as you answer them. There’s no rush and while some of the answers may be immediate others might take an hour, day or even a week to pop up.

The important thing is to start thinking about the situation from this perspective and to be constructive about things instead of getting stuck in denial or negativity and apathy.

4. Remind yourself: anyone who wants to do things of value in life will fail.

We often mostly just hear about people’s successes. But the path to those milestones tends to have many setbacks. The story of someone’s success may seem only bright and fast-moving in what’s told in the media or we see in our minds.

But the reality – and the useful way to approach setbacks – is most often more like this quote by Michael Jordan:

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

5. Let it out into the light.

Another powerful way to handle the emotional fallout and the thoughts that come from a failure is to not keep it all bottled up inside.

But to let it out into the light by talking it over with someone close to you.
By venting about it while the other person just listens you can sort things out for yourself, help yourself to accept what happened instead of pushing it away and release that inner pressure.
By having a conversation about the situation you can see it from another perspective and through someone else’s eyes. This person can help you to ground yourself in reality again, to encourage and to perhaps even to find a way forward.


6. Find inspiration and support from your world.

A conversation with someone close to you can be very helpful.

Another thing you can do is to learn from those who’ve gone where you want to go. Read about how they handled setbacks and low-points before or during their success in books, on websites or online forums.

Or you can simply tap into the enthusiasm or motivation of someone else by listening to a podcast or audio book for maybe 30-60 minutes. This may not be specifically about your current challenge but can help you to shift your mood and mindset back towards optimism again.

7. Move forward again, don’t get stuck in mulling this situation over for too long.

Processing the situation and accepting it is essential.

But I know from experience that it’s also easy to get stuck in the same thoughts going around and around for week or a month.

The habit that has helped me with this trap is to take what I learn from questions like the ones I shared in tip #3 and to make a small rough plan for how I want to move forward from here.

So I take some time to sit down and write that one out.

8. Take action on that plan right away after you’ve drawn it up.

The plan you come up with will just be a start. You can course-correct later on, along the way.

So you don’t have to make it perfect. Trying to do that can sometimes just be a way to procrastinate because you fear failing again or because it is hard to start moving after this rough and disorienting thing that happened to you.

Split your start of a plan up into small steps and then take action on just one of them.

If you still have a hard time to get going then go for a very small step, just 1-5 minutes of action forward. The important thing is to get started and moving forward again so make that easy on yourself.

9. Improve your self-esteem.

A last thing that has helped me in general to handle setbacks is to improve my self-esteem.
By doing so failures don’t become something that so easily drags me down and I recover more quickly from them.
It also makes it easier to see what happened with more clarity and to take responsibility when I am responsible but also to see when someone else is partly responsible or when I just had bad luck that I could honestly not have predicted. And that helps me to not think that everything that goes wrong in my life is 100% my fault.

But how do you improve your self-esteem?

A good start would be to use much of what you find in this article. Like remembering that YOU are not a failure, that everyone have setbacks, to be constructive in the face of adversity and so on.

By doing these things over and over and making them habits your self-esteem improves.

And over time a smaller setback may just bounce off of you and a larger one will not be the same blow as it used to and the shock and climb back up from what happened becomes easier and not something that is as paralyzing anymore.

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9 Powerful Tips to Help You Turn a Bad Day Around

“To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts.”
Henry David Thoreau

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.”
Robert Louis Stevenson

Some days are great, better than you would have expected when you rolled out of the bed in the morning.

Quite a few days are just good and OK days.

And then we have the other ones. The days that just wind up being bad.

What do you do then? I used to let them drag me down and I often wound up having not just one but a couple of bad days because of whatever happened.

Nowadays I do things a bit differently. And this week I’d like to share how I do that.

This is 9 tips and habits that help me to turn a bad day around. Most of the time I use more than one of these habits to do that.

1. Breathe.

I usually start turning my day around with shaking things up by using my body in some way.

The first thing I almost always do is to just breathe. I breathe deeply through my nose by using my belly. I focus only on the air going in and out for 1-2 minutes.

This calms my body and mind.

2. Do a power pose.

Then I sometimes follow that up by striking what Amy Cuddy calls a power pose for about 2 minutes (check out her TED talk, it’s really good).

The simplest way to strike a power pose is to stand up confidently like Wonder Woman or Superman with your legs apart, head up and your hands on your hips.

It might sound odd but it can really change how you feel in a quick and positive way.

3. Work out.

Another habit I use several times a week to shake things up by using my body is to lift free weights in my home. I do this for about 30-40 minutes and it helps me to release tensions and worry.

And after I am done I feel more powerful, focused and energetic.

4. Hug.

Just by hugging someone quickly you can feel safer and more optimistic again. And an embrace that lasts 30 seconds or a minute or more can recharge your your batteries and release an unexpectedly large amount of stress and tensions.

5. Pet an animal.

If I don’t have anyone close by to hug during a bad day I usually just pet our cat for a few minutes. It has a very similar calming and stress reliving effect.

And it makes him very happy and that in turn boosts my mood.

6. Find a new viewpoint.

The body tips above often work well to change my perspective by altering my emotional state and energy level.

Sometimes something more is needed though.

So I start looking more actively for a better and more helpful viewpoint by asking myself a couple of questions.

Three of my most commonly used questions that help me with that are:
Will this matter 5 years from now?
Who cares?
What is one small action, one small and practical step I can take to start turning this day or situation around?

7. Go out into nature and enjoy the spring.

Leave your couch or workspace for a little while. Talk a walk and just soak in the spring sun and warmth. Enjoy the birds singing and the nature starting to blossom after the cold winter.

Just being out there in nature tends to make it easier to think optimistically again and to start looking for practical solutions or upsides. Or you can simply be there in the moment fully and let your thoughts about for example work rest for a while (and then later on you can return to that with fresh eyes and a calmer mind).

Another upside is that the sunshine and exercise during this 20-30 minute pause in my day also recharges my energy.

8. Accept what is.

One thing that sometimes work better than just about anything is simply to accept what is at this moment.

To not deny or try to push away negative feelings or thoughts that show up. Even though you may feel an impulse to do so.

Instead, just accept what is right now. The thoughts and feelings within you. And just be with them fully and observe them flowing through you.

By doing so you are not giving up.

No, because when you accept what is then you stop feeding the negative thoughts in your mind with more energy. And so they become weaker.

They start to lose their grip on you after a while and then they float away. And so you feel more open and are able to think more clearly again.

9. Remember: sometimes a bad day will just be a bad day.

Now, from time to time, even if you use several of the techniques above – one after the other – you won’t be able to turn a bad day around. That has been my experience at least.

Because no matter what habits you adopt, life will never be perfect, positive or awesome all the time.

And this website was never about living some kind of life that only exists in a perfect dream anyway.

This website is about replacing unhelpful habits with better ones. It is about raising the percentages of times where you can handle things in a better way. In your regular, everyday life. And when bigger things happen.

Because that will make a huge difference.

But still, life will have natural valleys.

And a bad day will sometimes just be a bad day. And that’s OK. That’s life.

But the interesting thing is this: if you accept that life is like this sometimes – and let go of the dream of perfection – then you’ll create less suffering for yourself and life will become lighter, simpler and happier.

So in the long run there is an upside even to a bad day that you may not be able to turn around.

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Why Daily Complaining Is Ruining Your Life

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” – Dalai Lama

Sometimes life just isn’t fair. It’s dark, gloomy, and absent of happiness. What you find is that talking about the unfortunate circumstances then makes you feel better. This complaining helps you feel as though something has been released. You are now relieved.
It’s the complaining that brings on this misery.

We can think that focusing on our problems and wallowing in our complaining will make us feel better, but this is all in our thinking and what you are really doing is only reaffirming the problems that brought you to this place in your mind.

That is just it. What you are complaining about and these problems are only in your mind. Life isn’t bad or good and it rather just is. Nature has no judgement about the things that happen, whether it is the grass growing or dying, it just is.
Just as your life, just is.

People who win never complain. They take life for it gives them and they make what they can out of it. One of the most powerful Tony Robbins’ quotes that I’ve heard is:

“EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON AND A PURPOSE, AND IT SERVES YOU.”

What I remember him saying is that he doesn’t know this to be true, but that he believes it to be true because it empowers him. That is the power of the mind.

These thoughts and things that we focus on have power over our life. We can choose to focus on the negativity and the darkness in life or we can choose to look at the things that empower us.

We can choose to focus on the things that will strengthen us and make the world a better place. You have the choice to control this one thing.


Why Daily Complaining is Ruining Your Life

Of all the things in life the one thing that we can control is our mind. We have the ability to focus on what matters and we can let go of what will hold us back.

This act of daily complaining is ruining your life. It is making you less whole. It is inhibiting you from growing and reaching your potential. Complaining is standing in the way of you and the achievement of your dreams.

The following are the four most important reasons why this daily complaining is preventing you from living the life you want to live:


1. When You Complain You Reaffirm Negativity in your Mind

The mind, like nature, will accept what you give it. If you show it complaining, it will respond to the negativity put out into the universe and the messages that you are affirming about life.

When this happens you train yourself to focus on the dark and unwanted times. Your mind becomes accustomed to negative thinking and this thus brings about your negative experiences.


It is your responsibility to give it positivity. The more positivity you give it, the more it will be able to continually come back to the good things in life. Eventually positivity is the only thing it knows and responds to.

2. You Cancel Out All the Positives

When your focus is on what you are complaining about then you forget about all the good in life. It brings you to a place where all the positives in your life are just absent from your mind.

This leads you to being unaware of good times and happiness that just might mean a great deal to you and your success.

It likely would even make the difference for you when looking back on your life and all the wonderful times you could have had an even fuller awareness of. Shift the focus and bring the attention back to the positives so that you are more aware of them.


3. You Drive Others Away from You

No one likes to be around someone that brings them down. Coming up with things that are wrong in the world or life and complaining about them will only seek to drive people to not want to be around you.

In NLP we call this a process of anchoring where we associate an external behavior such as complaining and negativity with an internal emotion such as having negative feelings about that person who complained when you are around them.

When you are the complainer then it becomes just automatic for them to associate you with those negative feelings they had while you were complaining.

You want to have people associate you with good feelings such as happiness and positivity and they will want to be around you much more.

4. Your Focus on Negativity Only Brings More Negativity

It has been said that what we think about we bring about.

When we think about negative things and bring them into greater awareness through an act such as complaining then we only bring about more of those negative events and circumstances that we were complaining about in the first place.

The much better route to take is to acknowledge your emotions and understand that this isn’t what you wanted, but now you can focus even more intensely on what you do want. This is where you get the opportunity to move forward instead of backward.

Focus is one of the most important intangibles to your success in life. It is the key that most people are missing when their focus is on things that are not leading to their goals and dreams. This complaining drives your attention away from success.

The greatest successes in life have nothing to complain about.

Some might say that it is because of where they are now, but I say that they are where they are at now because they first made the shift to focus on what is important and what will lead them to their goals rather than complaining.

This change happens in the mind first.

To be successful you have to know that the journey is all on you. In the long run you will achieve your goals not just because of other people and circumstances, but because of you and your determination.

This means that other people are not the cause of your problems. Only you are. This gives you the power to take control over your life.

This ability comes from within.

The key is attuning your focus to what matters and where you want to go. What is it that you want and how can you be grateful for what you have now?

When you find life for what’s good, then that is when life will take your breath away and when you come to realize your greatest successes.


Summary

While you may think that these outside circumstances are causing the failure in life, it is actually your mind, the attention you bring to these events, and the complaining you do about such events that are bringing you to ruin.

When you can come to the realizations that everything that happens in your life can empower you and that you have control of where your life is headed, then you can take the power back for your life. This will empower you.

This negativity that comes from complaining will only reaffirm all the negative thoughts you have in your mind. It will take your attention away from anything positive.

Complaining will drive others out of your life and will only bring about more negativity into your life. The key is to reaffirm your life with positive thoughts and actions. Bring gratitude to your life instead of complaining.
How can you find yourself when you are about to complain and transform your thoughts and words into gratitude? Leave a comment below.

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7 Counter-Intuitive Life Lessons That You Need to Know

The process of maturity allows us to look life as it really is.

The truth and nothing but.

Through that process, we learn that common sense really isn’t so common. We learn that no, you probably won’t be the greatest basketball/football/baseball player ever. We even learn that our parents are humans and they make mistakes just like us.

7 Counter-Intuitive Life Lessons That You Need to Know

As they say the truth sets you free. Here are 7 counter-intuitive life lessons that you need to know.


1. Fame. Money. Looks. Has nothing to do with confidence.

If it did we’d all be all be in trouble. Confidence isn’t a privilege and it’s never guaranteed. Winning the lottery and becoming a millionaire the next day isn’t going to make you any more confident than you are now.

Some might say I’m wrong, that winning the lottery will indeed make them more confident. Okay. What about when you lose all the money?

Tying your confidence levels to the a dollar amount, looks that can fade, or likes on social media isn’t healthy. Those are wells that can run empty at any time. True confidence is based internally, on things nobody can take from you.


2. It’s not worth trying to get people who don’t like you to like you.

It’s too much time and effort that might not even lead to any payoff.

Not to mention the mental and emotional stress and chasing somebody who doesn’t like you. With the time and energy you spend on trying to get people who don’t like you to like you, you can get at least 3 other people to like you.

Be positive, be kind, and leave it at that.


3. It’s better to be really good at two things than the best at one thing.

Neil Degrasse Tyson, for example. Fluent in the field of advanced astrophysics, but not quite at the top. Yet he has had considerable success in spite of it. All due to the fact that he has the ability to break down such a complicated topic and make it entertaining to the average person.

Derek Halpern of Social Triggers. Great marketer and a fantastic public speaker. His main discipline was in digital marketing, but he branched off into public speaking. This allowed him to grow his brand into the multi-million dollar business it is today.


This is because once you get to a certain level, your growth starts to level out. It becomes harder and harder to get to that next level. So differentiate yourself. Develop another skill.


4. The less you need something, the more it’ll present itself to you.

Startups with strong sales without any venture capital will have venture capitalists throwing money at them.

The prospect with recruiters hounding them for an interview will only continue to see that number of recruiters grow. When you don’t need your chap-stick, you see it all over the place. When you need it, however, it’s nowhere to be found.

People who need rarely get what they want.

5. It’s better to be selfish now so you can be selfless later.

“…FIRST TAKE THE PLANK OUT OF YOUR OWN EYE, AND THEN YOU WILL SEE CLEARLY TO REMOVE THE SPECK FROM YOUR BROTHER’S EYE.” – MATTHEW 7:5

On air-planes they instruct parents, in case of an emergency, to first put on oxygen masks on themselves before attending to their children.

This is for the children’s benefit.

If you can’t take care of yourself, how can you take care of others?

There’s only so much you can do as a broke college student. You might be able to go to South America and help build a house or a school for underprivileged children, but it’s far more effective for you to selfish first.

Once you’ve established your reputation and your wealth, you can do far more for those underprivileged children than you ever could have had you neglected your “selfish” goals.


6. The day you accept the fact everything will end is the day you stop taking everything for granted.

Stoics such as Marcus Aurelius pondered their own mortality frequently. They were attuned to the limited amount of the time they and everybody and everything else had on this earth. This evolved into a deep appreciation for the each breathe gifted to them.

Worrying or complaining about circumstances fades into the backdrop of inevitable mortality. So smile as you tackle on your challenges.


7. Help people that can’t help you today.

Guy Kawasaki used to give stories to journalists coming from small time newspapers and magazines when he was with Apple. He could’ve easily gone to the big dogs such as The New York Times or The Wall Street Journal.

Instead he built those relationships up so when those journalists did work at The New York Times or The Wall Street Journal, he had an inside contact.

Those contacts came in handy when Apple wasn’t doing so well, and journalists weren’t waiting hand and foot for a story.

Not everybody you help will be kind enough to repay the favor. So do it because you’re a good person and don’t expect much out of it. Only then will you be pleasantly surprised.


Conclusion

Some of these truths present themselves to us too late in life and we could’ve avoided a mistake or two had we been aware of them. I made the mistake many years ago of basing my confidence on silly things such as clothes and looks.

Maybe you can relate.

Maybe you can also relate how you’re in a much better spot now now that you’ve learned to base your confidence on what can’t be taken away from you.

There are going to be many more truths that’ll reveal themselves to you later on in life.

To recap here are 7 of those:
Fame. Money. Looks. Has nothing to do with confidence.
It’s not worth trying to get people who don’t like you to like you
It’s better to be really good at two things than the best at one thing
The less you need something, the more it’ll present itself to you
It’s better to be selfish now so you can be selfless later
The day you accept the fact everything will end is the day you stop taking everything for granted
Help people that can’t help you today

Oh, and one more. Santa Claus isn’t real.
What are some counter-intuitive life lesson you’ve learned? I would love to hear from you.

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4 Tips To Improve And Boost Your Self-Confidence

Many people today believe that having self-confidence has something to do with ones accomplishments or societal status. Others think it has something to do with having a certain kind of body, the way one looks or even how popular they are with friends and society in general. The idea of self confidence is perhaps one that women need a lot of clarity on because often times we see promotions on what new thing to get, which make-up to use and which "fix you up" products that are all supposed to magically give you an increased sense of self-worth and greater confidence. But does any of this really work?

Personally I know it doesn't work at all for I started off trying to get rid of my insecurities, self-loathing and criticism by buying all the best things I could find to enhance my beauty and confidence.

What experience has shown me, which numerous researches conducted can now confirm is that nothing can increase your self-esteem and self- confidence. Your happiness, fulfillment and overall well-being is very much limited or expanded by your level of confidence and self-esteem. No external thing therefore can truly bring you joy and fulfillment or that sense of deserving except a belief in your own value, which is always determined by your level of inner confidence, and belief in your own Self.

In our modern and rapidly developing society where material possessions are considered a standard measure of value, more and more people are secretly battling with this idea and try to mask whatever emotions they might have by working harder than ever to get more stuff, bigger accolades and more social recognition in the hopes that this will in some way fill the inner void that continues to brew.

This is the worst way to build your success or your self-esteem because none of the outer possessions no matter how good will ever satisfy you or even last very long. They aren't meant to add or complete you where you feel a lack, when we use them for such, we welcome all the evils that divine teachings have warned us against.

What is self-confidence and where does it come from?

Confidence is defined as the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on something or someone. Self-confidence then is the feeling or belief that you can have faith in and rely on your Self.

It all comes from the Self and the error we have made far too many times is in making our capacity, abilities and sense of worth dependent on something other than self. Which brings me to the first point I wish to drive home, the self is the real, infinite and eternal you. But that self-experiencing your current life is under a certain belief, idea, concept about who and what it is. This idea is called self-image. It is the image of self that your mind has believed and defined as you. If this image is healthy and built or a right foundation then you have a great thriving lifestyle because your confidence is booming which means you're deliberately designing and generating the kind of conditions rolling out in your life. However if for one reason or another you didn't form a healthy and true image of self, then real confidence and belief in yourself is something you struggle with which naturally reflects on the quality of life you get to experience on a daily basis.

For the most part, we see all the erred views on self-confidence and self-esteem stemming out of this false paradigm and approach to the self, which causes people to look to the external rather than to the self for a strong, confident and a high sense of value and worth as human individuals simply from just "being" instead of doing or having a particular thing.

The difference between a person who's got a good healthy self-confidence and one who doesn't isn't about how they physically look, what they have or the kind of accomplishments they've made. It's a deeper more profound knowledge and understanding as well as complete appreciation and embracing of all that they are. One of the question's I get asked the most is: What can I do to increase my level of confidence? Here are a few ways:

1. Disentangle your real Self from your conceptions of self

The great endeavour we all need to frequently do as we often get lazy and get pulled back into mass kind of thinking is to disentangle the real Self from the beliefs attached to the self. The "I" in you is the real Self and is not the idea of you that you've formed throughout your lifetime. Your real Self is independent of all the conditions, labels and attachments you developed while on earth. It is this self that gives you life and makes it possible for you to even read this now.

This same self is the one you must learn to believe in, have faith and rely on implicitly. But since many people have no idea how to access or live from this self, the outside alternatives have continued to be promoted because humanity has long gotten used to the idea of looking for power outside in the world of effects. We find it difficult to trust in what is beyond our intellect and yet we can feel that all things tangible are limited. You self-confidence will increase greatly when you learn to tap into your real Self and live from that authentic and infinitely powerful aspect of your existence.

2. Learn the truth about perfection and imperfection

Mankind has gotten so used to the idea of being imperfect. It's drilled in almost all schools of life and the idea of perfection has been given such a bad humanistic and almost vain taste that stating it here I know will arouse the criticism of the uninitiated minds. But the truth always stands and it is that you are perfect! You were born perfect and that's why you innately feel as though you need to express it.

Because you are spiritually perfect, there is no need to ever believe that something needs to be added or fixed. No need to ever believe that you need to seek it because being already perfect, the process of human living is the progressive unfolding and evolving of that inherent perfection. Start viewing yourself as such and life will show you just how perfect you can be as long as you continue progressively moving forward with ease and confidence in who you really are.

3. Discover the biggest war zone in the world and heal it

This is a big one for most people everywhere. Do you know that one of the biggest and hardest habits to break for the human being is that of self-judgment? Neuroscience found this to be one of the most detrimental habits most people indulge in almost unconsciously.

Within your mind is an ever on-going conversation about everything you are experiencing and especially about yourself. This conversation needs to be guarded and reshaped to reflect the kind of lifestyle you wish to manifest before you can hope to have it as your reality. If that conversation is only fault-finding, blaming, arguing and criticizing it will be very difficult for you to ever feel good enough or worthy of a good life. People spend so much time worried about the outside world while if only they could go quiet and listen in, they would soon discover a similar war going on internally.

4. Learn to embrace

Embrace all of you. Not just the good parts but all of you... Ambiguity is natural to you because you exist as Body - Mind - Spirit. When you discover the kind of image you have attached to your "I", it's probable you'll even feel ashamed that you attached such a disgraceful belief to yourself and let it define who you are. We all experience that - but what you need to know is that it doesn't really matter anymore as long as you're now awake and ready to take action and create an image that truly reflects the kind of person you want to be. Hiding, feeling ashamed or guilty over the things you discover from your old beliefs and mindset does nothing except harm you and keep you stuck.

Don't forget these are just a few tips on a very deep topic that every individual needs to work on intimately because it makes all the difference in the quality of life. I have a lot more on this topic and you can have more access in greater details of ways to help you recreate your self-image.

Above all else, understand that changing yours self-image and improving your confidence requires time and consistent practice because it's a major factor in mastery of self. As with all things, the mastery requires certain consistent effort and practice to be invested before the great harvest can be enjoyed. But every step along the way will already move you closer to your ultimate goal and small manifestations that help you track your progress will always be noted so keep working at it, start with these simple ideas and trust that you are all it takes to be this new you that you want to bring into physical reality.

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6 Simple Questions You Need To Ask Yourself When You Become Fearful

"One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn't do." Henry Ford

There isn't an individual who hasn't been afraid or faces difficult circumstances that caused them to be fearful at some point. Fear is one emotion that most of us dread, but all will have experienced during our lifetime.

What are you afraid of? What makes your heart stops when you think of it? What stresses you out more than anything else? What is it that worries you most?

Are you worried about your future like so many of us? Do you worry about the security of your job or the future for your children? There isn't a shortage of things to cause us fear. Life is unpredictable and because of the uncertainty and the unknown we develop a fear for the future.

If you are like most of us, you need to develop the right attitude to overcome your fears. Living in fear is never the answer. You need to face the fears you have and find solutions to avoid dealing with them over and over again.

Find the source of your fear and deal with it head-on. The great thing about confronting your fears is that once you have dealt with it, it will no longer cause you to fear. You will also become stronger and better able to deal with other uncertain issues in your life.

Here are six questions you should ask yourself when you are feeling fearful that will help to manage your fears.

1. Am I fearful for the right reasons?

Fear is a good thing as it helps to keep us safe. Use your fear in the right way and for the right reason. Do not spend your life being fearful of life. Use your fear to motivate you to go after your dream. Do not be consumed by the fear of the future but use those fears to work on making your future brighter. Face your fears by channeling them into areas that will give you the results you want.

2. Are my fears positive or negative?

What are the things you dread most? Are they positive or negative? Which type of fears do you tend to focus on? Rather than be fearful of the things you have no control of, channel your energies on to things that will make your life easier and less stressful. Take the time to focus on the positive and do not focus on negative things. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Franklyn Roosevelt

3. What meaning am I giving to challenges?

Think about it seriously, what are you focusing on? Are you giving these fears a life by constantly thinking about them? If so resist the urge to worry and reclaim your power and focus your attention on things you want to achieve. Focus on the things that will help you to become a better person.

4. Am I causing fear to rob me of my life?

If you spend your life in fear, you will never enjoy your life. There will always be something to fear. Why spend your time worrying about things that might not happen and you cannot control. To be happy, you must rid yourself of fear as fear robs you of your joy. You can never enjoy life being afraid.

5. Are my fears real or imagined?

Many times you cultivate fear when, in fact, there is nothing to fear. When a situation arises, you give it more power than you should? Quit giving your fear the power to grow. Remember things always seem worst than they truly are.

6. What can I learn from these fears?

Find out what lessons life is trying to teach you. Do not miss the opportunity to get the message you are being sent. Whenever you feel afraid, find out what it is that scares you the most and what you can do to reduce your fear.

Our fears will never go away, but you must be able to control your fears and not allow it to control you. Live your life in confidence expecting the best, and the best will happen. When you feel fearful find the cause of your fear and find a solution and if you can't stop worrying about it because there is nothing you can do about it.















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Why It Is A Bad Idea Comparing Yourself To Others

Why It Is A Bad Idea Comparing Yourself To Others

Why compare yourself to others?

It is a normal human behavior to compare ourselves to other people, but doing it in a negative way is something we all should be avoiding. Comparing yourself with someone else that is working in the same field of work to improve is one thing, but it is really a bad idea if it makes you doubt yourself and gives you a negative mindset. Let us say that you are a online marketer and you are comparing yourself with a very successful marketer. It will not make you any more successful comparing yourself with that person, because you need to focus on your success on not theirs. If you just focus on other peoples success, then your own development and success will be so to say put on hold. Besides that fact, the online marketers who you are comparing yourself with have more experience regarding marketing then you and therefor they are able to have a higher level of success then you as well.

Self development.

If you are having low confidence and are having negative thoughts about yourself then you must maintain your mindset more than you do. To keep negative thoughts away you need to maintain a positive mindset through reading books and listen to audio recordings daily. Every marketer no matter of what kind of level of success they have achieved must maintain their mindset in this fashion. Allow yourself to set bigger goals, not to big of a goal but a goal that makes you more dedicated and focused. Then really take action on reaching that goal with all your focus and energy. Do not just set a goal because you think you have to. Set a goal and go all in towards that goal.

Get in touch with them

If you see a person within your niche that has achieved great results, well then connect with them. They may be willing to show you what strategies they have used to become successful. Because an important key to success is that you need to surround yourself with already successful marketers that are having the results that you personally want to have as well. But never compare yourself with those successful online marketers, so that you end up in a negative state of mind. There will always be someone who knows more than you about various things in life, so the key for you to have your breakthrough is to surround yourself with successful people who knows what works and what does not work within marketing. You will never reach the level of success that those people you are comparing yourself with are enjoying, if you do not take action and work on your mindset.

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A Thought On Positive Thinking

A Thought On Positive Thinking

Positive Thinking is a thought process that enables you to obtain desired results with the right actions. It is an act that allows you to embrace affirmative thoughts, thus guiding your deeds or actions in a willful manner. Your feelings, your speech and your actions express themselves to convert your thoughts into results.


While we use this expression 'Positive Thinking' quite often, we hardly take a moment to understand the use of it for our benefit. Without understanding the right meaning or definition, we will not be able to identify whether the "thinking" is positive or negative.

It appears to be very easy in conversing this term, or even recommending to others this worthy suggestion of thinking positive, but the practicality of putting it to use needs endless determination. The options rest with you to switch on or off the kind of thought process you are guided through. A very determined and consistent effort is essential to work on it.

Being positive opens your minds door to thoughts and ideas which enables your growth and success. It guides and motivates you to work towards obtaining favourable results, thus creating joy and happiness in your life.

Let us consider some steps towards positive thinking

1. Begin by being sure of your goals and passionately wanting to achieve it. Unless you like what you want to do, no amount of motivation will make you think in the right direction.

2. Move around with successful people. Be seen with them. Even if you have to spend something extra, it is worth being in restaurants or coffee shops where the successful people move about.

3. Read motivational stories and article contributions from successful people. Attend lectures on such subjects.

4. Give compliments liberally and accept compliments graciously.

5. Accept responsibility for your actions. If negativity creeps into your mind, learn to mentally crumple them and fling it outside your window. Subconsciously see it flying off far into the distant unknown.

It is also very important to pay attention to your self talk as this will strengthen or weaken your subconscious mind. Keep fighting with your negative thoughts and shift your mind to more worthy and success oriented habits. Always keep anticipating success, good results, joy, happiness and good health. Make positive thinking, a way of life. It is one of the personal development techniques that will change your life for the better.

In the words of Abraham Lincoln, "We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses."




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7 Ways Smart People Deal With People They Don’t Like

Wouldn’t it be great to interact exclusively with people you like?

It would, but the truth is, you will often encounter people who rub you the wrong way, who say or do things that irritate you.

It could be that someone is habitually late or doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do.

Perhaps it’s someone who is rude and disrespectful. It could be someone who doesn’t listen or who is very arrogant and full of themselves.

How Smart People Deal With People They Don’t Like

Whatever the situation, whether this person is a family member, a colleague, or simply someone you encounter at the grocery store, here are some tips to help you feel better about any interaction with them.

1. Accept them

There will always be people who don’t see things the way you do and who don’t behave the way you would.

When you have high expectations of yourself, most likely you’ll have very high expectations of others as well, and the higher your expectations, the more you risk being disappointed.

Before you judge someone else though, recognise that you don’t fully know them or their situation (even if it’s someone you’ve known for a long time). You’re simply seeing their behaviour in this moment.

You don’t know, and can’t know what’s really behind that. Everyone has a unique story.

Everyone has challenges and difficulties that can cause them to behave in ways that you might find unacceptable. You don’t have to like everyone and not everyone will like you. Nor will everyone think or behave the same way you do.

You’ll find people much easier to deal with if you accept this.

Then, depending on the situation, you can make a choice about how you want to deal with them. It’s easier if it’s a casual interaction and you can choose to simply walk away.

But what if it’s a family member or someone you have to work with?

Even when you’re forced to interact consistently with someone you don’t like, it’s much easier if you can accept that you don’t like them and be okay with that. This can help you make an informed decision about how you will interact with them going forward.

2. Identify what bothers you

Get clear on exactly what it is about this person that bothers you.

Related:  10 Bill Gates Tips to Becoming Successful & Wealthy

Stick to the facts and do your best to keep the emotion out of it.

For example, this person might be a total narcissist, making everything about them, taking credit for everything good and blaming others for everything bad. You might find that this really bothers you, and you may wonder why everyone else is not able to see it.

Getting upset about it won’t help you. It’s never going to change who this person is. This is simply what narcissists do. Now that you know this, it’s up to you to decide how you want to interact with this person.

Perhaps you make sure, wherever you can, that other people receive credit for work they have done so all the credit doesn’t go to one person. Perhaps you can train yourself to ignore the behaviour or at least not let it affect you emotionally.

It may help you to know that narcissists behave the way they do because it covers up their insecurities and low self-esteem. They are extremely vulnerable to criticism, and have a deep need for admiration from others.

When you identify what bothers you and dig a little deeper to go beyond the behaviour, you can arrive at a strategy that helps you deal with the person and their behaviour in the most positive way possible.

3. Focus on the benefits

One technique that can help you is to think about their positive aspects.

Everyone has good in them. What do they do well?

For example, the person with the narcissistic personality may be an extremely good organiser. He or she may have a talent for organising people and making things happen. They may be very committed and show up when and where they’re supposed to.

Look for the good and focus more on that than on what bothers you. You can even sincerely compliment them on their good attributes. This can help to put you in a more positive emotional state when you need to deal with them.

4. Release the need to be right

The more attached you are to being right, the more you will struggle with people you don’t like.

If you need to be right and you feel a need to prove it, you will waste a lot of time and energy in conflict. You can know that you are right without having to argue the point or prove your case.

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In fact, in a heated discussion, letting the other person be right (even if you know that you are the one who is right) can take away all the negative energy and antagonism. You can make your point and simply walk away.

You don’t have to prove that you’re right. When two people have an intense need to be right it can escalate any simple discussion into a heated argument which can result in long-term disagreements and antagonism, just because both are determined to be right.

Ask yourself: Is being right worth the time and emotional energy expenditure?

5. Remain positive

Do you find yourself thinking about the person you don’t like and having conversations with them in your head or find yourself going over and over what it is you don’t like about them in your mind?

When this happens they have taken over your thoughts. You have given away your power to that person. The only thing this does is to negatively affect you. It does nothing to or for the other person.

Try to stick to the facts of the situation and disconnect emotionally.

When you are connected emotionally it becomes your problem. It can take over your life. Don’t let it. Focus on what you need to do in order to be able to detach. Find positive ways to think about the situation. Think of positive ways to deal with the person.

Look for something positive and make the decision that you will not let them take over your thoughts or steal your present moment awareness and peace.

6. Become an observer

If you find yourself reacting to someone you don’t like, you’re giving your energy to them.

Sometimes you may encounter people who try to manipulate your energy or who try to project their issues onto you. When you react to that, you feed them energetically. This leaves them feeling stronger and you feeling weaker.

They start to feel better about themselves and you start to feel worse about yourself.

Next time you encounter such a situation, see if you can simply observe their behaviour without being triggered or getting pulled in. You’ll notice something interesting.

When you don’t feed them or the situation with your energy and when you refuse to take on their issues, they are left with it all to themselves.

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This leaves them feeling more and more uncomfortable because they’re having to deal with their own negative energy all by themselves, since you’re not engaging. You don’t need to take on their stuff, and you don’t need to let them take your energy.

Become an observer and stay empowered. They will soon learn that you are confidently grounded and can’t be messed with, making your interactions with them much more positive for you.

7. Be willing to learn

There is always something to be learned from any difficult or negative person or situation.

You can learn a lot about yourself, as well as others. Whenever a difficult person enters my life I ask myself what they are teaching me about myself. I know that once I learn whatever I’m supposed to, then that person won’t be a problem for me any more.

Either they will move out of my life, or our interactions will be positive. If they remain in my life, it doesn’t mean that I have to like them, although that may be a possibility. But I can learn how to deal with them in a positive and empowering way.

I can learn to interact with them in a way that feels good to me, and ultimately that is my main objective, to feel as good as I can, as often as possible.

When you are willing to learn and to actively look for the lesson this person can teach you, you take control of your life. This is a proactive and very powerful approach. It will teach you how to respond, as opposed to reacting to them.

Summary

Recognise that there will always be people you don’t like and that don’t like you – and that’s perfectly okay.

It’s all part of life and its many lessons for us.

What I have learned is that the more positive you are, and the more you apply the techniques mentioned above, the fewer encounters you’ll have with people you really don’t like, and when you do, you will have the tools to deal with them in the most positive way possible.

And remember to be grateful for all the difficult people and situations that challenge and frustrate you, because often they are our very best teachers.

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