Overcoming Envy: What Envy Teaches You

Envy gets a bad rap. The ancient Greek philosopher Antisthenes described it as corrosive ("As iron is eaten away by rust, so the envious are consumed by their own passion.") Envy is established as one of the seven deadly sins - hardly a list of traits that we celebrate.

Yet we all feel it. Envy is part of the human experience. Instead of judging envy as wrong or bad, is there something we can do with it?

Envy begins with social comparison. Social comparison is a psychological process where we try to determine our own personal worth by comparing ourselves to others. So often, the result is we see ourselves as not measuring up.

Research shows that this process of comparison happens continually and automatically, underneath our awareness. And it sets us up for an inevitable deflation of confidence and self-esteem, what I call "compare and despair".

What we may not recognize is how shame is at the root of this despair. Shame is a deeply felt sense that we are defective, inadequate or not good enough. Shame is fuel for envy. When we look at somebody else and feel envy, it's not just that someone has acquired or achieved something, but that we believe we are unable to acquire or achieve something like it.

Well, that stinks.

But, wait. What if there is a positive side to envy?

Because, when we are in despair, we are missing something important: envy is information. Envy is giving you clues about what you desire. Look at your envy to start following the clues. Ask yourself:

Who do I envy?

What is it about them that generates envy?Since social comparison happens so quickly, envy can be vague, like a cloud around the person to whom you are comparing yourself. You feel it but you may not know why.

When you identify the source, envy becomes specific. You can examine it more closely.

Now this is where it gets really good, because envy gives you the opportunity to challenge the assumptions that underlie it.

Consider the source of your envy. Ask yourself:

Is it something I really want?

Do I think I can have it? Or can I attain something similar or create a similar feeling for myself?Let's say, for example, that you envy your neighbors who own a boat. They take their boat out on the water every weekend and it pains you each time they head out on Saturday morning.

Is it the boat you really want (with all of its associated responsibilities like dock fees and storage, maintenance and repairs, insurance and fuel, equipment and supplies)?

Or is it a sense of freedom? wealth? escape? (or something else?) that the boat represents for you?

There is no right or wrong answer - it's about understanding what you really want. Because when you know what you want you can begin to deliberately bring it into your life.

This is how you transform envy, by utilizing it as a tool to help you understand:

What you really want, what you value, what success looks like for you

How you can generate that for yourselfWhen you are clear about what's most important and what it looks like in your life, you can start building it for yourself.

What other people have and do becomes so much less significant. Comparisons won't matter. And you'll be happier when you are focused on your life, rather than on the lives of others.

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Six Stress-Busters That Will Ease Your Stress At Work

Does your heart beat faster at work and you have trouble sleeping at night? Those are just a couple of symptoms for work-induced stress. Other indications of being stressed at work include headaches, tense muscles, upset stomach, feeling fatigued all the time, and even experiencing chest pains.

Workers often take those symptoms for granted. But these danger signs can be more serious than you think. Deadly serious in fact.

What worries you the most about work and life?

Harvard and Stanford researchers last October found that workplace tension could take from six months to three years off your life. The study cut across many kinds of jobs and income levels. A couple of big worries held by all of the groups surveyed were the fear of losing a job and health insurance.

"If we're living in a constant state off fight or flight," says wellness coach Emily Soares Proctor in a printed report, "the stress response happens over and over again, chronically upsetting your entire system and creating the environment for exhaustion and disease."

While you might question one of the survey's "findings"-that workplace stress can take months or years off your life-both Proctor and the Harvard survey agree on one thing: you must take action by taking steps to reduce workplace stress.

It's normal to experience some stress at work. But too much of it lowers your productivity along with your physical and emotional well-being. As mentioned previously, you need to deal with it. "Managing stress is the key to reversing these outcomes," concludes the Harvard/Stanford survey.

Can workplace stress be managed and ameliorated?

Of course it can. But you need to take the responsibility by blowing off steam in healthy ways by using stress-busters (SBs) that work for you.

Before listing some of the SBs, let's take a look at self-induced stress from drinking, drugging, or smoking. Those symptoms are the easiest to cure. That's because all you need to do is stop doing what's causing the symptoms. If you're having trouble quitting something, join a self-help group like Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous.

Six powerful stress-busters that allow you to blow off steam in healthy ways

SB #1: EXERCISE. It's a powerful stress reliever and makes you feel better. Find an exercise-like walking, swimming, cycling, or working out at a gym-that acts as a stress buster that works for you. You can even do some simple stretching exercises at your desk. It's well known that exercise helps you deal with stress.

SB #2. Listen to music-the kind that soothes you.

SB #3. TAKE A NAP or meditate. I've discovered twenty minutes of meditating during the day provides more energy and makes me feel more refreshed than napping.

SB #4. READ A BOOK that interests you. When I was a college freshman, I found a paperback novel lying around the dorm and found that reading a few pages between periods of study and at odd moments during the day relaxed my mind. I still read for relaxation.

SB#5. TALK TO SOMEONE you trust or see a mental health practitioner.

SB#6. BE WILLING TO QUIT YOUR JOB and start searching for another. Even if you don't quit, a willingness to do so will ease your tension. Why? Because you committed to doing something about it and believe that relief is in sight.

The reversal of stress symptoms

I've already mentioned that you-not your boss-are responsible for reversing your symptoms. Your employer doesn't give a hang about your job satisfaction or the trajectory of your career. Whether your workplace stress is created by conditions surrounding your work-like a crazy boss-or self induced by how you think, live, and manage your work environment, you are responsible for fixing it.

Don't give up this responsibility.

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Correct Your Mindset and Expel The Fear

The main problem with many of us is we loose our direction in life. We have great aspirations upon leaving school or college but then just loose direction or do not know how to achieve our dreams. We are all taught the academic basics needed to function in today's world. We may then study further to achieve a qualification in a particular field. But we are never taught how to achieve real success. You need far more then just qualifications to make a success of your life. It's a fact that many people have left school with very few or no qualifications, but have still been very successful.

To be successful requires a certain mindset. It's not "what we do but the way that we do it", that counts. Two individuals from the same background with the same qualifications could start the same business. One could fail whilst the other could grow and expand into a multi-national business. So its not your education, it's not your background and it's definitely not luck, it's your mindset.

Look. Don't say to yourself, "oh that's all very well but you need money to make money", or "you need luck to succeed". You don't. With the correct mindset, focus and an understanding of how things work, you will create wealth and luck for yourself in abundance.

Have you ever wondered why you persist in an unsatisfying relationship, or why you are unwilling either to work towards a solution or to find an end and move on?

It is because you fear the unknown. The action you take changes things and will lead to the unknown. You believe that the unknown will be more painful then what you are already experiencing.

A very old proverb says. "The better the devil you know than the devil you don't" These beliefs keep you from taking actions that could change your life. If you want to change you life for the better, then you have to overcome your fears by overriding this preconditioned set of responses.

It is possible to link pain and fear to an unknown event. For example; you have never flown before and you are scared of flying in an airplane. You are frightened for no logical reason. You might have read about a plane, which crashed in the paper. And consequently believe your plane may crash. The truth is this fear a fear of the unknown. Before you can fear it you must experience it. You must make sure that you live your life in the present and respond to things, which are real. Do not allow your fears of what once was or what might someday be.

The key thing to remember is that you do not move away from real fear or pain, you move away from what you believe will lead to fear or pain.

Most people will never succeed because they cannot master the power of concentration, the power of the mind or the power of the universe. Most people have no idea of the giant capacity we can command when we focus all of our resources on a single area of our lives. It is a fact that all people both men and women can make a success of their life and can achieve great riches in both monetary terms and ultimate happiness.

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How To Live In The Moment & Appreciate What You Have With These Tips

There is a saying, “Stop and smell the roses.” It doesn’t mean to simply smell flowers, it means to live in the moment with a great appreciation for the present and the things around you.

So let me ask you…

Do you ever stop to smell the roses?

It’s very easy to get completely caught up in planning for the future, that we often forget to take the time to appreciate the wonderful things happening in our daily lives.

I’d like to offer 3 things you can do today to live in the present and start appreciating the moment.

1) Become Very Self-Aware

The first thing you can do to live in the present is to become very self-aware.

To perform your best, acknowledge the beauty of your life and be happy, you need to know who you are and why you think and feel the way you do. You are where you are and what you are because of yourself.

You have gotten yourself to where you are as the result of the choices and decisions that you have made in the past. If you want to be somewhere else in the future, it is up to you to make new and better choices and decisions in the present.

2) Embrace Your Natural State Of Being In Life

Next, start to embrace your natural state of being in life.

Your normal, natural, healthy state of being alive is a wonderful gift and should be treated that way.

Try to tune into the amount of joy you experience and the number of times you laugh on a daily basis, to demonstrate the fullness of your current life position. Acknowledge these moments and be grateful for them each time that they happen.

Eventually, reacting to these moments with gratitude will become a habit, and you will start to feel happier all the time.

3) Develop An Attitude Of Gratitude

Lastly, if you want to be truly present and benefit from appreciating your daily life, you must develop an attitude of gratitude.

The habit of feeling grateful and expressing that gratitude to other people, by saying “thank you” to those in your life, and to yourself for all of the wonderful things in your life every day will have amazing effects on your personality, and your ability to live in the present.

An attitude of gratitude makes you a warmer, friendlier, and more genial. An attitude of gratitude makes you more sensitive and more aware of others around you and your environment.

The more gratitude you have, and the more gratitude you express, the happier and brighter your life will become.

When we are thankful to others and express a wonderful attitude to those around us on a regular basis, we can change the lives of others as well as our own.

Start each morning by saying, “I believe something wonderful is going to happen to me today.”

Repeat it over and over.

What are 2 things in your daily life that you are grateful for?

Leave a comment below, and I’ll be sure to follow up with you.

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Why Hardworking People Won’t Always Be Successful

You’ve probably heard it before; put in the hard work and you’ll eventually become successful…

They lied to you…

It takes a lot more than hard work in order to become successful in life. Yet most people assume that the harder they’re working, the better off they’ll be. Forgetting about all the other factors that are involved.


Why Hardworking People Won’t Always Be Successful

Hard work is necessary to achieve a goal, but it is not a defining factor. Here are several things to bear in mind as to why hardworking people aren’t always successful in life:

1. You Need to Work Smarter

In order to be successful, a person needs a great plan and well-balanced attack to execute the plan. None of that suggests working harder is helpful. It may actually work against someone. The key is to work smarter, not harder.

For instance, someone can work really hard to lose weight, but what matters more is understanding your body’s physiological capabilities.

You can’t just assume that you can go jogging for 30 minutes a day or stop eating carbs and magically shed pounds. That might not be what your body needs or how it reacts.

Runners understand the idea of efficiency. It takes a lot of endurance to make it through a marathon, half-marathon, even a 5K. Although, there is a lot more to running than just slogging through the miles.

In order to finish the race, you have to know where to hold back and reserve for the more critical moments. Technique and planning will make the run easier and more valuable of an experience.

2. Be Natural

Forbes published an article showing how hard work may not help, but actually hurt in a lot of cases. Passion will drive people to do more and more for what they love. However, that shouldn’t include people that are simply better at what they do.

There is something to be said for innate ability.

Some people were meant to be faster runners or longer distance runners. Some people were meant to be musical prodigies. Other people were meant to stock market wizards.

Not that naturally gifted people don’t have to work hard. But people in the wrong field end up working harder to compensate for not being a natural. Work in areas that you are naturally pre-disposed to do and success will come much easier.


Psychologist Elyn Saks wrote a book called ‘The Center Cannot Hold‘, which basically considered all the limitations that hold people back even with all of their best efforts.

Just because we work hard to overcome hurdles doesn’t mean we can hurdle the 1250 foot Empire State Building. Some things just aren’t going to happen and a smarter person will temper expectations and know where to best invest efforts.


3. Be Well-Positioned & Channel Inner Drive

A lot of people spend the best years of their careers with the assumption that hard work always pays off in the end. They put in long hours and pass on vacations to get ahead. Then expecting there will be some reward, such as a raise or promotion at the end.

In reality, the more a person volunteers to do things, the more of a mule they become, the less smart they appear. Meanwhile, the slacker that just shows up to please the boss and has great staff relations is the person that gets promoted and becomes successful in the company.

Some jobs just come with an inherent self-sacrifice role. Different jobs take much different levels of dedication and sacrifice.

The nonprofit sector has traditionally sent workers into an endless void of self-sacrifice, presumably for the amount of good the job does versus the amount of revenue available.

Somewhere along the line, people determined that’s not always best for a company’s mission. An organization can’t make much of a difference in an industry relying on haggered workers that never sleep and subsist off of energy drinks.


4. Consider the Value
Non-profits are starting to realize that what’s good for for-profits may help them too. When one worker does the work of two people, it undervalues the product or service. The net result will be underpayment.

Companies give and apply for grants, fund operations and staff employees based on labor data. So if they find something that worked for a budget last year, they will stick with it. It is important that the data show an accurate picture of what it takes to get a job done.

Customers and colleagues need to know what kind of service or product to expect. Where proper staffing creates a more valuable product, a good marketing plan highlights the product.

No matter what the business is, or how much work it takes, if no one knows about it, then the work is mostly for naught.

Staying on top of current trends like video marketing and trade-show interactionhelp highlight the effort and convert into deliverables. Or whatever measure will ultimately translate into success.


5. Develop More Finite Skills

Almost anyone vying for a position or a promotion works hard. Hard work is not a unique qualifier. Experience and capabilities, however, are unique qualifiers that need to be highlighted first and foremost.

Creativity and efficiency are also invaluable intangibles that may not show up in the resume, but will show up in the output. A person needs a versatile skill set of all the intangibles, hard work is only one of those intangibles.

A person needs to develop skills and then strengthen them through hard work in order to become successful. The hard work does not become the success by itself. By no means should the hard work be overdone.

The burnout factor is a huge obstacle for success. A person only eyeing the prize and not the process is not likely to be successful.


6. Take Luck When You Can Get It

As I used to tell my students when I was a teacher, winning takes 40% approach, 40% planning, 15% hard work and 5% luck. Sometimes despite all your best efforts, you just aren’t destined to win.

The 1981 Cincinnati Reds won the most games of any major league team that year, yet didn’t qualify for the playoffs. It was a weird situation, but sometimes the ball doesn’t bounce your way. Luck certainly will help put you over the top.

Make the best of bad luck situations and re-channel energy into a better game plan and the odds will eventually work out in your favor. Former Boston Celtic, Von Wafer, is figuring this all out the hard way as he sends pleas into the Twitter-verse for another chance:


“WISH I HAD THIS MENTALITY AT A YOUNG AGE. I DON’T CARE HOW TALENTED YOU ARE. IF YOUR MIND IS NOT IN THE RIGHT PLACE TALENT CAN ONLY GO SO FAR.”


Summary

Here’s a short breakdown of the points covered in this article:
Work smarter
Be natural
Be well-positioned & channel inner drive
Consider the value
Develop more finite skills
Take luck when you can get it
Have anything to add to why hardworking people won’t always be successful? Leave a comment below.

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