Setting Personal Boundaries

A personal space is a space where you hide your own weaknesses, strengths, pain, past, fear, etc. and a boundary is your personal space where you decide, who you want to be, what company you want to be in, what are your motives in life and who are important to you. When you set priorities for each and every person in your life it is the time when you set your personal boundaries. These boundaries show the limits regarding how others can treat or behave around you. Setting boundaries will ensure your protection against emotional and mental exploitation. Healthy boundaries are those that are impartial and reasonable and suitable for one's age and maturity. You can say yes or no without guilt, feel angry or fearful. You can refuse to tolerate abuse or disrespect. Thus, make yourself a unique personality.

Some signs of unhealthy boundaries

1. Talking to someone unknown at an intimate level. 

2. Letting others control your life. 

3. Unreasonably, intentionally hurting someone. 

4. Tolerating false and vulgar remarks. 

5. Letting others set boundaries for you. 

6. Doing something against your family morals, personal values and rights. 

7. Letting others take undue advantage of you. 

8. Tolerating mockery made out of you constantly. 

9. Passing comments without knowing the person's situation and his/her hardships. 

10. Violating other's boundaries.

Tips for setting boundaries

For setting healthy boundaries we need to keep certain things in mind. Due to fear of rejection and loneliness, you hesitate in expressing your feelings and desires. And in order to avoid the conflict and the feeling that you owe them for some reason, you constantly tolerate the disrespectful behavior, hence resulting in becoming a doormat. This happens when you are unable to set your personal boundaries. So, stop being doormat because you are responsible for how you allow others to treat you.

Learn to say No and Stop pleasing others at your own cost. When it comes to your self-respect and dignity then you must not ignore your personal needs, profits and unnecessarily agree to do those things that can harm your well-being.

Using various strategies to set healthy boundaries:

There are some appropriate ways to assert boundaries and you have to follow them one by one according to hardness of the situation.

1. Informing: Firstly we need to calmly make them realize that the way they are behaving is not appropriate. 

2. Requesting: After informing we can request them to lower their voice and try to cool them down. 

3. Instructing: In case the person completely ignores our request, then we must instruct him/her to bring appropriate changes in their behavior. 

4. Warning and demanding: Even after instructing if there is no change in his/her behavior and conduct towards us, then firstly we need to warn them and then command them to change their conduct. 

5. Lastly if there is still no sign of change in behavior then leave the place to avoid further conflict.

Be tactful in some situation, as they are worth letting go, because sometimes your actions can get you into dangerous situation, which are quite difficult to handle. For example while walking down the road, someone whistles or stares you; if you are alone, then it is better to ignore it.

As it is rightly said that if you want respect then you must give respect so, respect other's boundaries, if you want others to respect your boundaries. Respecting other's boundary can help you in becoming more mature, responsible and understanding. Hence

"Discipline yourself to do what is right and important, although difficult, is the high road to pride, self-esteem, and personal satisfaction."- Brain Tracy.

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Six Stress-Busters That Will Ease Your Stress At Work

Does your heart beat faster at work and you have trouble sleeping at night? Those are just a couple of symptoms for work-induced stress. Other indications of being stressed at work include headaches, tense muscles, upset stomach, feeling fatigued all the time, and even experiencing chest pains.

Workers often take those symptoms for granted. But these danger signs can be more serious than you think. Deadly serious in fact.

What worries you the most about work and life?

Harvard and Stanford researchers last October found that workplace tension could take from six months to three years off your life. The study cut across many kinds of jobs and income levels. A couple of big worries held by all of the groups surveyed were the fear of losing a job and health insurance.

"If we're living in a constant state off fight or flight," says wellness coach Emily Soares Proctor in a printed report, "the stress response happens over and over again, chronically upsetting your entire system and creating the environment for exhaustion and disease."

While you might question one of the survey's "findings"-that workplace stress can take months or years off your life-both Proctor and the Harvard survey agree on one thing: you must take action by taking steps to reduce workplace stress.

It's normal to experience some stress at work. But too much of it lowers your productivity along with your physical and emotional well-being. As mentioned previously, you need to deal with it. "Managing stress is the key to reversing these outcomes," concludes the Harvard/Stanford survey.

Can workplace stress be managed and ameliorated?

Of course it can. But you need to take the responsibility by blowing off steam in healthy ways by using stress-busters (SBs) that work for you.

Before listing some of the SBs, let's take a look at self-induced stress from drinking, drugging, or smoking. Those symptoms are the easiest to cure. That's because all you need to do is stop doing what's causing the symptoms. If you're having trouble quitting something, join a self-help group like Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous.

Six powerful stress-busters that allow you to blow off steam in healthy ways

SB #1: EXERCISE. It's a powerful stress reliever and makes you feel better. Find an exercise-like walking, swimming, cycling, or working out at a gym-that acts as a stress buster that works for you. You can even do some simple stretching exercises at your desk. It's well known that exercise helps you deal with stress.

SB #2. Listen to music-the kind that soothes you.

SB #3. TAKE A NAP or meditate. I've discovered twenty minutes of meditating during the day provides more energy and makes me feel more refreshed than napping.

SB #4. READ A BOOK that interests you. When I was a college freshman, I found a paperback novel lying around the dorm and found that reading a few pages between periods of study and at odd moments during the day relaxed my mind. I still read for relaxation.

SB#5. TALK TO SOMEONE you trust or see a mental health practitioner.

SB#6. BE WILLING TO QUIT YOUR JOB and start searching for another. Even if you don't quit, a willingness to do so will ease your tension. Why? Because you committed to doing something about it and believe that relief is in sight.

The reversal of stress symptoms

I've already mentioned that you-not your boss-are responsible for reversing your symptoms. Your employer doesn't give a hang about your job satisfaction or the trajectory of your career. Whether your workplace stress is created by conditions surrounding your work-like a crazy boss-or self induced by how you think, live, and manage your work environment, you are responsible for fixing it.

Don't give up this responsibility.

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The Power of Thankfulness: 5 Essential Tips

“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”
G.K. Chesterton

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”
Robert Brault

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

This week many of my readers will celebrate Thanksgiving.

So I thought it would be a good time to share a handful of my favorite tips for making thankfulness a daily part of life.

Because being thankful for what you have is one of the simplest and easiest ways to lift your mood. To give your motivation a jolt. And to live a happier life.

No matter who you are or where you live in the world.



1. Pause and look around yourself.

A simple first step to being more thankful is to pause during your day and ask yourself these two questions:
What are 3 things I can be thankful for in my life today?
Who are 3 people I can be thankful to have in my life and why?

If you don’t come up with 3 people and 3 things each day then that is OK. One thing or person is great too.

But if you can, try to not repeat yourself too often. Instead, think of more people and things to be grateful for to, day by day, expand your thankful view of your world.

2. Express your thankfulness.

Don’t stop at just coming up with people for whom you are grateful to have in your life.

Take a few seconds to tell them about it. This will make their lives happier. And as their faces light up with a smile you’ll feel happier too.

Now, that gratitude could just be a small sentence. But it can have a big impact on someone’s day, week or even life.

So be sure to make the small effort to express it.

3. Look towards yourself too.

It is not only things that are important. Or other people.

You are important and valuable too.

So appreciate that.

Ask yourself:

What are 3 things I can be thankful for about myself?

It could be that you were a good sister during a crisis last week. It could be that you finally got done with that boring or difficult task you had been procrastinating on.

Your self-gratitude does not have to be all about achievements. You can simply be thankful for your good sense of humor. Or the help you give your friends and family by being a good listener from time to time.

And the thankfulness doesn’t have to be about big things either. It could simply be about the fact that you floss for a couple of minutes in the morning.

4. Be thankful for the things you may take for granted.

The things we get very used to having can become things we take for granted. But they are not things everyone in the world has access to.

A few such things that I like to reflect upon and feel very thankful for having are:
A roof over my head and a warm home.
Plenty of drinkable water.
That I don’t have to go hungry.
Being able to enjoy the small and free pleasures of life.
Access to the internet so that I can learn and connect with people.

I have found that being grateful for things like these are especially helpful to zoom out and to put my situation in perspective when I am going through a tough time in life.

5. Start or end your day with thankfulness.

To make thankfulness into a habit that sticks find a regular time for it in your day.

For example, you can start your day in a good way by finding 3 things to be grateful for about yourself over breakfast.

Or you can take a few minutes in the evening, just before going to bed, to use a journal to write down 3 things you are grateful for about your day.

Try a tiny time commitment like one of these and see what impact it has on your life.

Plus-You Can Now Join Our FREE Mastering Success Facebook Community at www.masteringsuccess.group

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5 Truths About Self-Improvement and Toxic Friends

When you start to make positive changes and improve yourself, you expect your friends to be excited and happy for you. Nobody expects a close friendship to turn toxic, but unfortunately it happens. I can tell you firsthand that it's devastating when once close friendships crash and burn during a time that should be exciting for you. Toxic friendships don't always mean that your best friend is actively sabotaging you Mean Girls style, they can happen when you have simply grown apart and chosen different paths. Read my 5 truths about personal growth and toxic friendships and see if anything resonates with you.

Creating personal growth in your life won't sit well with some friends

If you are transforming your life with positive changes, whether it's gaining confidence in yourself, losing weight, maybe starting a new career, you're going to lose friends. Period. People who aren't comfortable with change will find your evolving life hard to swallow, maybe because it reminds them that they are stagnant in life, or maybe they aren't used to you standing up for yourself. Maybe your whole friendship was based on the negative behaviors that you kicked. Self improvement will expose the friends that don't have your best interests at heart. Be prepared to lose friends, for it to hurt a lot, and then to get over it and feel happy. Losing friends may not seem like it, but it can be a blessing in disguise.

A toxic friend is not necessarily a bad person

The thing about toxic friends is that sometimes they don't mean to be toxic at all and are generally pretty good people outside of your shaky friendship. Maybe they just are terrified of change, and can't understand your new perspective. Most toxic friends come in the form of people who aren't supportive of your successes, talk behind your back, or are judgmental of your goals. I'm talking about the friends who leave you feeling drained, negative, or down about yourself every time you see them.They aren't bad people but that doesn't change the fact that they are toxic to your personal growth. Take a good hard look at your friendships and notice who is trying to get you to go back to your bad habits, who cuts you off when you're sharing something you're proud of, who tells you you're not a good friend because you're not putting all your attention on them. Those are the kind of people you don't need.

Ending the friendship doesn't have to be dramatic.

I can look at my former group of friends with love and respect for the time we spent together, but at the same time know that they are toxic to my improved self. I don't spend my time gossiping, but I used to with them. I don't like to have shallow surface conversations all the time, but I used to with them. I don't spend my time complaining about the present while reminiscing about the past, but I used to with them.I chose to be positive, work towards the future instead of being stuck in the past, and stop making fun of people because it made me feel better about myself, and unfortunately that caused some awkwardness and distance in the friendship. People grow apart and choose different paths, and my path just didn't have room for their negative energy. I'm not saying to cut off friends who don't agree with you all the time or who have different goals than you, I'm saying it's important to have friends who are authentic. Ending a friendship doesn't have to be a big, dramatic fight. You could try to discuss how you're feeling with them if you're interested in saving the friendship; maybe they don't realize how they're affecting you and can shift their attitude. If that's not the case, you have two options: you can directly say you need some space, or slowly stop hanging out with them. Leaving it on a good note leaves room for re-connection if you feel they may grow in the future.

Leaving toxic friendships will free up your energy and time to spend on supportive relationships

Here's the hard part: even though they don't mean to be toxic, and are generally good people, they're still toxic and you have to move on. Leaving a friendship is just as hard as leaving a romantic relationship, especially if you still love and respect that friend. I had to do it, and it bothered me for the better part of a year. I asked myself the same things over and over "why don't my best friends understand me, why are they so caught up in trivial and negative things"? I lost sleep over it, cried about it, yelled about it, but in the end, I came to understand it was for the best. Now, I only spend my time with people who celebrate me, support me, and love me unconditionally, and who I celebrate, support and love. It's an amazing feeling to be surrounded by people I know only want the best for me. I'm happier, more confident, more fulfilled, more inspired! Great things come from dropping the toxic friends.

Never hide your positive progress because a friend isn't happy for you

Toxic friends have their own underlying issues that are causing them to act in an un-supportive way towards you, don't take it personally. It's an indicator that they aren't happy with themselves or their lives, so it's not you it's them. Just because people aren't happy about your amazing progress doesn't mean you should hide it. Shine bright like a diamond yo, you worked hard to manifest change in your life, don't let a few doubters dull your success. Surround yourself with friends who are proud of you and push you to do better. Assess your circle and only keep the awesome people around. Any friend who doesn't leave you feeling uplifted, supported, and happy doesn't need to be a friend, and life is too short to associate people who don't appreciate the beautiful soul that you are. Just know that you are not the only person to go through this. It may feel lonely now, but soon you'll find people who will appreciate who you are and who you're trying to be, and it won't feel forced or lonely. Always follow your intuition, if someone is constantly bringing you down, it may be time to reconsider the friendship.

Have you had any encounters with personal growth and toxic friendships? Tell me about it in the comments below! It would be AMAZING to hear your story!

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6 Everyday Tips on How to Stay Happy No Matter What

We are used to thinking our happiness depends on external circumstances. We are waiting for something magical to come into our lives and make it bright.

Some of us are waiting for real love. Others — for a great job. The list of our wishes is huge. And it is amazing that we have dreams, that we make wishes and look for something special to fill our lives with.

However, life happens here and now, and it is wrong to spend it waiting. There is no sense in going through it blindfolded, waiting for tomorrow, the next week or the next year to finally find happiness and the meaning of our life.

It’s not going to happen. We simply need to start living. Right now.


How to Stay Happy No Matter What

There is no magic. It’s how our life is created, actually.

There are a lot of theories on what we were born for and what the goal of our existence is. We could discuss it for years and still there is no guarantee we’ll find the answer. And moreover, there is no guarantee the answer will help.

The best you can do is to let it go and live your life today. With no purpose. But feeling love and happiness. Here is how to stay happy no matter what:

1. Don’t look for happiness — radiate it.

I know, it’s hard to radiate joy when you slept bad, or have troubles at work. But look at it differently. Maybe, the reason for your insomnia and troubles is the lack of good thoughts?

We can’t stop wars and cataclysms by smiling to strangers, but we can change the atmosphere around us doing it.

Everyone wonders why there are so few smiling faces; why people sometimes are rude and indifferent.

Don’t wonder, reduce the number of such people by changing yourself.

Create your own rules and follow them strictly. Fill your mind with positive thoughts and spread them around. Soon your entourage and your perception of the outside world will change beyond recognition.


2. Stop trying.

You’ve heard what you’ve heard: stop it. Stop trying too hard to look good, stop trying to impress someone. Stop pretending you are someone else. It is so exhausting, still — useless.

Let yourself have a rest. This crazy race in quest of a better life is a fallacy.

This illusion of the «normal» life the public has put in your mind (and you have thankfully accepted) leads you to the wrong destination. Besides, it hinders you to enjoy the way.

There are a lot of words and pieces of advice. Now it is time to listen to yourself. And, if you feel it’s not right, stop. Take a break. Turn back. Or continue doing what you were doing. But this time, consciously realizing it’s your life that happens now.


3. Enjoy being alone.

It’s the logical continuation of the previous paragraph and the necessary part of being happy in the moment. And it is not scary at all.

Today the solitude isn’t in the trend, so we do our best to avoid it and fill our life with something we don’t actually need. Just not to be alone.

There are tons of articles which tell you how to find your soul mate, how to get married, how to make friends. It forces us to feel bad about being alone.

Don’t get sucked into these tricks.

If we can’t be happy alone, being happy with someone else seems to be a daunting task.

Get acquainted with yourself. You are amazing.


4. Stay open-minded.

Paradoxically, but as a rule, being alone helps to keep your mind open.

Diving deep into your own thoughts, exploring your own feelings, you realize you don’t actually differ from others all that much. Despite the fact that we look different and that we have different jobs and hobbies; we do have common goals. And it rallies us stronger than anything.

As soon as you understand this, the outside world won’t seem hostile. You realize it’s your home — our home — we are all connected and need each other to make this world a happy place for everyone.


5. Be grateful.

Sometimes I look around and see people who are enjoying their troubles. They treat them as though they’re the most valuable and important things in the world. And if there aren’t any, they feel confused, as if they miss something they could be whining about.

Are you such a person? Don’t be.

Be grateful for those wonderful things you have: food on your table, warm blanket, education, paid work. Rights, abilities, opportunities. Don’t take all these things for granted.

Politeness, respect, and other good manners should be perceived as usual things. Be grateful when people have them and express them. It’s easy, but it makes a huge difference for you both.

6. Accept yourself.

Being yourself is not the same as accepting yourself. You could force yourself to act naturally, and still feel uncomfortable with it, and with who you are.

Accept yourself. Radiate love not only among others but among yourself. Let yourself make mistakes, act illogically and be imperfect.


Summary

All the things I’ve written above doesn’t mean you need to stay positive permanently.

Melancholy, bad mood, and even anger are normal things. They also need to be a part of your life. As the beauty of the life is in its variety.

Just pass it through you, take a deep breath and concentrate on the positive.

Happiness is a choice. Just make yours.
What do you do to stay happy? Leave a comment below.

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Letting Go: Is Life Too Short To Hold Onto The Past?

What is clear is that human beings don't live forever; there comes a point in everyone's life when their time will come to an end. When it comes to when this will be, it can depend on a number of different factors.

Due to this, it is often said that life is too short to waste time; each moment needs to be seized. Through taking this approach, one will be making the most of the life that they have been given.

A Waste

If one doesn't experience life in this way, they could feel as though they are missing out. As a result of this, not only could they end up feeling angry; they could also feel guilty.

It is then going to be a challenge for them to standstill, and they might even find it hard to sleep. Their life is not going to be something they have to endure; it is going to be something that they are here to enjoy.

Driven

One is then going to be used to feeling motivated, and this will give them the energy that they need to achieve things. In general, they won't find it hard to get out of bed; they will have the need to get things moving.

This could mean that other people see them as someone who grabs life by the horns, so to speak. And based on how they approach life, it is likely to have a passive effect on how these people experience life.

Relationships

Their intimate relationships could also be infused with this same energy, and they are unlikely to want to have someone in their life who has a different approach. The people they are intimate with are then going to add to what they already bring to the table.

Their upbeat nature could also make it easier for them to move on after a break up; they won't want to go over the experiences they shared. One could believe that they will only be wasting their time if they wallow in the past.

A Rare Occurrence

To experience life in this way could sound like a dream to most people, and this is because they can find it hard to relate to. They might find it hard to remember when they last experienced life in this way.

And while someone might believe that it is possible to experience life in this way, they could say that this is not how life works. As far as they are concerned, life could be something that has to be endured, as opposed to enjoyed.

In The middle

Or, they may say that this is how they experience life at certain times, but that's as far as it goes. It is then not going to matter how short life is, as they will have moments when the amount of time they have on this earth becomes irrelevant.

Yet, regardless of whether one rarely has moments like this or whether they have them from time to time, they will know what it is like to get stuck in the past. When this happens, it won't matter what is going on in the present moment.

Attention

Their point of focus will be on something that took place a few days ago, or it might have even been a number of years ago. This will make it a lot harder for them to make the most of the present moment.

There is the chance that this is something that will only affect them during certain times, or it could practically bring their life to a standstill. Either way, it is going to stop them from being able to move forward in life.

One Area

When it only affects them at certain times, it could be something that stops them from being able to start a new relationship, for instance. This area of their life is then going to be far from fulfilling, and they are likely to experience a lot of pain.

The pain that they experience in this a part of their life could cause them to work even harder in their career. Therefore, although one area of their life will be ignored, another area won't be.

Feedback

If one was to talk to their friends and/or family about what they are going through, they could tell them that they need to let go of the past. This could be something that they are only too aware of, or it might not have occurred to them before.

Along with this, they could say that they need to do this since life is too short to hold onto what happened. Through being told this, it might not be long until one is able to move on with their life, and to put the past behind them.

A Conscious Choice

Through deciding it was time to move on, one would have gradually been able to let go of the past. It could then be said that one used their will power to change their life, and this can show that one doesn't need to be controlled by their mind.

However, while the above can take place, it doesn't mean that it is always this simple. Instead, one could find that even though they realise life is short, it doesn't mean that they are able to just let go of the past.

Pressure

One could then find that they start to feel bad about themselves, as they should be able to let go. There is then going to be the pain they are experiencing through being caught up in the past, and the pain that is created through not being able to use their will power to move on.

Clearly, one is going through enough as it is without punishing themselves for being in this position. The trouble with the willpower approach is that letting go is not always about the mind; there can be times when it is about what is going on in the body.

Awareness

If it relates to what is taking place in their body, it might be necessary for them to put their willpower to one side. As if they are carrying an emotional build-up that needs to be processed, they will need to face how they feel.

When comes to letting go of what is taking place in their body, they may need to work with a therapist.

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The Power of Gratitude: 5 Small Tips for a Lighter and Happier Life Starting Today

“Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind.”
Lionel Hampton

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
Marcel Proust

Maybe the simplest and most effortless habit for living a happier life is to take one or a few minutes every day to focus on what is already here and that you can be grateful for in your life.

It can help you to…
Lift your mood and boost motivation very quickly.
Find the things in your life that you want to focus even more of your time and energy on.
Not just take things for granted and to find joy even during the tougher times.

It is simply an awesome habit to cultivate that demands little but gives much back.

So this week I’d like to explore 5 small tips that you can use to cultivate more gratitude and happiness in your life.



1. Pause and look around yourself.

A first simple step to build the gratitude habit is simply to pause in your everyday life and to ask yourself questions like:
What can I be grateful for in my life today?
Who are 3 people that I can be grateful to have in my life and why?

If you cannot come up with several things or people every day then that is OK. If you find one thing or one person then that is great too. Don’t get hung up on the numbers. Just take a few minutes and see what you come up with.

Try to not repeat the same things too often. Instead, try to think of more things and people you can be grateful for in your life.

2. Look towards yourself.

Don’t just look outward.

Take a look at yourself too. A habit of being appreciative and grateful towards yourself is a simple way to improve self-esteem and self-confidence.

Ask yourself:

What are 3 things I can be grateful for about myself?

It could be that you were a good father in a moment of crisis this week. It could be that you finally got done with that task you had been procrastinating on.

Your self-gratitude does not have to be all about achievements at work or in school for example. You can simply be grateful for your good sense of humor or that you help people out a lot by being a good listener from time to time.

3. Take a closer look at the very smaller things or what you may take for granted.
Don’t just focus on the big and obvious things you can be grateful for.

Think about what very small things you can be grateful for too.

Like the plant just in front of my laptop that I am writing these words on.

It is not a remarkable plant. But its simple beauty in the vibrant green color, how it keeps growing on just a little water and sunshine and the faint smell of nature is something simple I feel grateful for.

Another thing that I am grateful for today – that I may sometimes take for granted – was my lunch. It was a few potatoes with some grilled chicken and a dollop of sauce. It was delicious. And, more importantly, I don’t have to go hungry. I am in the very fortunate position of being able to eat lunch every day.

Ask yourself:
What is one very small thing that I can be grateful for today?
What is one thing I may usually for granted that I can be grateful for?

Opening your eyes to the small and daily things you can appreciate lets you truly see more of the simple beauty in life.

4. Do it early or late in your day.

But how do you get the gratitude habit to stick and not just become one of those things you forget about or abandon after a few days.

Two things that I have found effective are:
Take 1 minute in the morning to get a good start to your day by finding 3 small or big things you are grateful for in your life.
Take 1-2 minutes each evening and use a journal to write down maybe 3 or 5 things you are grateful for about your day, about yourself or about your life.

Try one of these tiny time commitments every day for a week and see how it impacts your life.

5. Express your gratitude.
Don’t just keep the gratitude on the inside. Express it.

Make other people happier too – and help them to perhaps pay it forward later on – by expressing how you are grateful for having them in your life. Plus, their smile and the joy in their eyes when you tell them this will make you happier too.

Now, that gratitude could just be a small sentence. But it can have a big impact on someone’s day, week or even life sometimes.

So tell the people in your life.

Tell them in person tonight. Or write an email or a letter to someone a little further away in the world. Or send a small text message right now.

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22 Smart and Simple Ways to Motivate Yourself

“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.”
Wayne Dyer

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”
Zig Ziglar

“I was thinking one day and I realized that if I just had somebody behind me all the way to motivate me I could make a big difference. Nobody came along like that so I just became that person for myself.”
Unknown

Some days you wake up motivated and ready to go. And some days things feel heavy as you arise and it is hard to get going and find that inner drive.

At least in my experience.

So over the past 10+ years I have found some simple and smart strategies that work for me to get back into the right groove and to get things done.

Here are 22 of my favorite tips and habits for doing just that.

Just get started and let the motivation catch up with you. You don’t have to wait for motivation to get started. If you want to work in a consistent way every day then sometimes you just have to get going anyway. And the funny thing is that after I have worked for a while things feel easier and easier and more fun and the motivation catches up with me.

Start very small if big leads you to procrastinating. If a project or task feels too big and daunting don’t let that lead you into procrastination. Instead, break it down into very small steps and then take just one of them to start moving forward. Because the most important thing is to just get going and to build momentum forward.

Get accountability from the people in your life. Tell your friends what you will do on social media, via phone or in real life. Ask one or more of them to regularly check up on you and your progress. By doing this you’ll be a lot less likely to try to weasel out of things or give up at the first obstacle.

Get motivation from the people in your life. Spend less time with negative people who always look at the dark or apathetic side of things. And spend more of the time you have now freed up with enthusiastic or motivated people and let their energy flow over to you.

Get the motivation from people you don’t know. Don’t limit yourself to just the motivation you can get from the people closest you. There is a ton of motivating books, podcasts, blogs and success stories out there that you can tap into to up or renew your motivation.

Play music that gives you energy. One of the simplest things I do when I feel low in energy or motivation is to play music that is upbeat and/or inspires me in some way. A break with a few songs or working while listening to them for a while usually works well.

Be kind to yourself when you stumble. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of beating yourself when you stumble or fail. But that don’t work that well in my experience. You just feel worse and less motivated. So try this the next time: be kind to yourself, nudge yourself back on the path you were on and take one small step forward.

Be constructive about the failures. To make your setbacks more valuable and less hurtful be constructive about them. When you stumble ask yourself: what is 1 thing I can learn from this setback? Then keep that lesson in mind and take action on it to improve what you do.

Compare yourself to yourself and see how far you have come.Instead of deflating yourself and your motivation by comparing yourself to others who are so far ahead of you.

Compete in a friendly way. When you’re in school or at work make it a friendly competition with a friend to for example finish a boring or routine task first. Just that element of competition tends to liven things up. And if you want to you can also add a small prize for extra motivation, like the winner getting a free ice cream or a beer from the other person.

Remind yourself of why you are working toward this. When you’re feeling unmotivated and low in energy it is easy to lose sight of why you’re doing something. So take 2 minutes and write down your top 3 reasons for doing this work, getting an education, working out, saving that extra money or something else. Put that note where you can see it every day or keep it in your smartphone for easy access when you need a motivational boost.
Remind yourself of what you’re moving away from. You can also motivate yourself to get going again by looking at the negative impact of staying on your current path. Ask yourself: What will the consequences be if I continue on this path for 1 more year? And if I do if for 5 more years? I have found that this exercise has given me the kick-start I needed many times in the past years.

Be grateful for what you got. When motivation is running low then it’s easy to start seeing your life and the aspects of it through a negative lens. To put your focus on what you still have and who you are – and to recharge with positivity and motivation ­– ask yourself a question like: What are 3 things I sometimes take for granted but can be grateful for in my life? My answers would, for example, be a roof over my head, clean water and not having to go hungry.

Mix things up. A rut will kill motivation. So mix things up. Make a competition out of a task with yourself or with someone else. When you work out vary what you do instead of going through the motions. Listen to music and podcasts that you usually don’t listen to. New input and variation tends to be a good way to keep the motivation up (or to recharge it).

Declutter your workspace. Take a couple of minutes to clean it up. I find that having an uncluttered and minimalistic workspace helps me to think more clearly and I feel more focused and ready to tackle the next task (or small step).

Don’t forget about the breaks. Few things can in my experience drain the daily motivation like just working non-stop. Instead, work for 45 minutes each hour and use the rest for a break where you eat snack, got out for some fresh air or do a bit of stretching. You’ll – perhaps somewhat counter-intuitively – get more done in a day and week and do work of higher quality because your energy, focus and motivation will simply last longer.

Adjust your goal size. If a big goal in your life feels overwhelming set a smaller goal to find your motivation again. And if a smaller goal doesn’t seem inspiring try to aim higher and make it bigger goal and see how that affects your motivation.

Exercise. Working out doesn’t just affect your body. I find that just 20-30 minutes of lifting free weights releases inner tensions and stress and makes me feel more focused and motivated once again.

Take 2 minutes to look back at your successes. Close your eyes and let the memories of your biggest successes – no matter in what part of your life – wash over you. Let those most positive memories boost your motivation.

Do a bit of research before you get started. Learning from people who have gone where you want to go and done what you want to do can help you to avoid pitfalls. And to give you a realistic time-table for success. This is important to not get demotivated when things aren’t happening as fast you had wished.

Take a 2 minute meditation break. This is something I have only done for the past few months. When my mind is a bit tired or perhaps even overloaded my energy and motivation goes down. So in the afternoons – or when needed – I tend to sit down with closed eyes and just focus on my breathing for 2 minutes. This clears my mind and releases inner tensions.

Go out in nature. Few things give me as much new energy and motivation to take on life as this does. So I often go out for a walk in the woods or by the sea and I’m just there in the moment with the nature, the fresh air and I don’t think about anything special.

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Taking Charge Of Your Life Right Now

What does it take to take charge of your life? When does it make sense to make the kind of changes that taking charge of your life implies? When you want to take charge of your life, you have questions you need to answer.

Courage and Confidence

It takes courage and confidence to take charge of your life. You might not feel an abundance in these areas right now if you're looking at taking charge of your life. Yet you have been courageous and confident during previous times in your life. Life requires courage! Life demands confidence!

Courage enables you to consider what might be a better set of choices. Courage gives you the get up and go to pick yourself up and take action. Courage does not replace fear. Instead, courage allows you to go forward despite fear that might be suggesting that it's too risky to move in the direction of your dreams.

Confidence allows you to use your talents and abilities in new ways. Confidence puts your skills to work in different circumstances. Confidence does not remove doubt. Rather, confidence allows you to do what you know how to do. Regardless of the doubt you may be feeling. In spite of reminders that today's circumstances are not precisely identical to how you've used your skills in the past.

Change.

Change is inevitable. Life is filled with changes. Over the course of your lifetime, you'll live in an environment that presents many things to you, sometimes overwhelming you with the sense that your entire life is filled with change. As you face challenges and deal with change, it makes sense to adapt to the new situations that arise.

Taking charge of your life has to do with adjusting to the change as it occurs. Dramatic sudden change can leave your mind spinning. That's one time when taking charge of your life demands that you reach for all the courage and confidence you can muster.

Skills.

You'll need to learn new skills. Times of change instill new skills. You can decide that you're willing to use your courage and confidence to gain the skills you need.

In fact, deciding is taking charge of your life. Because that makes it happen. I've found that when I reach deep for courage and confidence, I can decide to take action. I take charge of my life! I find that leads to happiness.

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7 Common Habits of Unhappy People

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”
Marcus Aurelius

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
Marcel Proust

Circumstances can certainly make life unhappy. But a part – often a big part – of unhappiness comes from our own thinking, behaviour and habits.

In this article I’d like to share 7 of the most destructive daily habits that can create quite a bit of unhappiness within and in your own little world.

But I’ll also share what has worked, what has helped me to minimise or overcome these habits in my life.

1. Aiming for perfection.

Does life has to be perfect before you are happy?

Do you have to behave in a perfect way and get perfect results to be happy?

Then happiness will not be easy to find. Setting the bar for your performance at an inhuman level usually leads to low self-esteem and feeling like you are not good enough even though you may have had a lot of good or excellent results. You and what you do is never enough good enough except maybe once in a while when feels like something goes just perfect.

How to overcome this habit:

Three things that helped me to kick the perfectionism habit and become more relaxed:
Go for good enough. Aiming for perfection usually winds up in a project or something else never being finished. So go for good enough instead. Don’t use it as an excuse to slack off. But simply realise that there is something called good enough and when you are there then you are finished with whatever you are doing.
Have a deadline. I set deadlines every time that start with a new premium guide. Because about a year ago, when I was working on my second e-book, I realised that just working on it and releasing it when it was done would not work. Because I could always find stuff to add to it. So I had to set a deadline. Setting a deadline gave me a kick in the butt and it is generally good way to help you to let go of a need to polish things a bit too much.
Realise what it costs you when you buy into myths of perfection.This was a very powerful reason for me to let go of perfectionism and one I tell myself still if I find thoughts of perfection pop up in my mind. By watching too many movies, listening to too many songs and just taking in what the world is telling you it is very easy to be lulled into dreams of perfection. It sounds so good and wonderful and you want it.
But in real life it clashes with reality and tends to cause much suffering and stress within you and in the people around you. It can harm or possibly lead you to end relationships, jobs, projects etc. just because your expectations are out of this world. I find it very helpful to remind myself of this simple fact.

2. Living in a sea of negative voices.

No one is an island. Who we socialise with, what we read, watch and listen to has big effect on how we feel and think.

It becomes a lot harder to be happier if you let yourself be dragged down by negative voices. Voices that tell you that life will in large part always be unhappy, dangerous and filled with fear and limits. Voices that watch life from a negative perspective.

How to overcome this habit:

Replacing those negative voices with more positive influences is very powerful. It can be like a whole new world opening up.

So spend more time with positive people, inspiring music and books, movies and TV-shows that make you laugh and think about life in a new way.

You can start small. For example, try reading an uplifting blog or book or listen to an audio book while eating your breakfast one morning this week instead of reading the paper or watching the morning news on TV.

3. Getting stuck in the past and future too much.

Spending much of your time in the past and reliving old painful memories, conflicts, missed opportunities and so on can hurt whole lot. Spending much of your time in the future and imagining how things could go wrong at work, in your relationships and with your health can build into horrifying nightmare scenarios playing over and over in your head. Not being here right now in life as it happens can lead to missing out on a lot of wonderful experiences.

No good if you want to be happier.

How to overcome this habit:

It is pretty much impossible to not think about the past or the future. And it is of course important to plan for tomorrow and next year and to try to learn from your past.

But to dwell on those things rarely help.

So I try as best as I can to spend the rest of my time, the big part of my time each day, with living in the now. Just being here right now and being fully focused on these words I am writing and later as I cook and eat my lunch and work out be fully focused on doing that.

Whatever I am doing I try to be there fully and not drift off into the future or past.

If I do drift off then I focus only on my breathing for a few minutes or I sit still and take in what is all around me right now with all my senses for a short while. By doing either of those things I can realign myself with the present moment again.

4. Comparing yourself and your life to others and their lives.
One very common and destructive daily habit is to constantly compare your life and yourself to other people and their lives. You compare cars, houses, jobs, shoes, money, relationships, social popularity and so on. And at the end of the day you pummel your self-esteem to the ground and you create a lot of negative feelings.

How to overcome this habit:

Replace that destructive habit with two other habits.
Compare yourself to yourself. First, instead of comparing yourself to other people create the habit of comparing yourself to yourself. See how much you have grown, what you have achieved and what progress you have made towards your goals. This habit has the benefit of creating gratitude, appreciation and kindness towards yourself as you observe how far you have come, the obstacles you have overcome and the good stuff you have done.
You feel good about yourself without having to think less of other people.
Be kind. In my experience, the way you behave and think towards others seems to have a big, big effect on how you behave towards yourself and think about yourself. Judge and criticise people more and you tend to judge and criticise yourself more (often almost automatically). Be more kind to other people and help them and you tend to be more kind and helpful to yourself.
Focus on the positive things in yourself and in the people around you. Appreciate what is positive in yourself and others. This way you become more OK with yourself and the people in your world instead of ranking them and yourself and creating differences in your mind.

And remember, you can’t win if you keep comparing. Just consciously realising this can be helpful. No matter what you do you can pretty much always find someone else in the world that has more than you or are better than you at something.

5. Focusing on the negative details in life.

Seeing the negative aspects of whichever situation you are in and dwelling on those details is a sure way to make yourself unhappy. And to drag down the mood for everyone around you.

How to overcome this habit:

Overcoming this habit can be tricky. One thing that has worked for me is to kick the perfectionism habit. You accept that things and situations will have their upsides and downsides rather than thinking that all details have to positive and excellent. You accept things as they are. This way you can let go emotionally and mentally of what is negative instead of dwelling on it and making mountains out of molehills.

Another thing that works is simply to focus on being constructive. Instead of focusing on dwelling and whining about the negative detail. You can do so by asking better questions. Questions like:

How can I turn this negative thing into something helpful or positive?
How can I solve this problem?

If I am faced with what I start thinking is a problem I may use a third solution, I may ask myself: who cares? I most often then realise that this isn’t really a problem in the long run at all.

6. Limiting life because you believe the world revolves around you.

If you think that the world revolves around you and you hold yourself back because you are afraid what people may think or say if you do something that different or new then you are putting some big limits on your life. How?

Well, you can become less open to trying new things and growing.You can think that the criticism and negativity you encounter is about you or that it is your fault all the time (while it in reality could be about the other person having bad week or you thinking that you can read minds). I have also found that my own shyness used to come from me thinking that people cared a great deal about what I was about to say or do.

How to overcome this habit:

Realise people don’t care too much about what you do. They have their hands full with worrying about their own lives and what people may think of them instead. Yes, this might make you feel less important in your own head. But it also sets you free a bit more if you’d like that.
Focus outward. Instead of thinking about yourself and how people may perceive you all the time, focus outward on the people around you. Listen to them and help them. This will help you to raise your self-esteem and help you to reduce that self-centred focus.

7. Over complicating life.
Life can be pretty complicated. This can creates stress and unhappiness. But much of this is often created by us. Yes, the world may be becoming more complex but that doesn’t mean that we cannot create new habits that make your own lives a bit simpler.

How to overcome this habit:

Over complicating life can involve many habits but I’d like to suggest a few replacement habits to what have been a couple of my own most over complicating habits.
Splitting your focus and having your attention all over the place in everyday life. I replaced that complicating habit with just doing one thing at a time during my day, having a small to-do list with 2-3 very important items and writing down my most important goal on white board that I see each day.
Having too much stuff. I replaced that habit with regularly asking myself: have I used this in the past year? If not then I will give that thing away or throw it away.
Creating relationship problems of any kind in your mind. Reading minds is hard. So, instead ask questions and communicate. This will help you to minimise unnecessary conflicts, misunderstandings, negativity and waste or time and energy.
Getting lost in the in-box. I spend less time and energy on my email in-box by just checking it once a day and writing shorter emails (if possible not more than 5 sentences.)
Getting lost in stress and overwhelm. When stressed, lost in a problem or the past or future in your mind then, as I mentioned above, breathe with your belly for two minutes and just focus on the air going in and out. This will calm your body down and bring your mind back into the present moment again. Then you can start focusing on doing what is most important for you again.

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Tired of Never Being “Good Enough?” 4 Ways to Kill your Inner Critic

Does that voice in your head ever make you feel like you’re not good enough?

I’ve been there and it sucks. When I launched a startup I used to constantly feel impatient, frustrated and inadequate because I wasn’t achieving “massive success.” I fooled myself into thinking that I would only be good enough once I reached some “successful” milestone in the future. This perspective only increased the feelings of impatience and frustration and it turned into a vicious cycle of negative thinking.

Don’t make the same mistake.

Do you really want to spend your short life worrying about when you will be good enough rather than being comfortable with yourself now?

Today I want to share 4 powerful mental habits that you can use to break away from this negative cycle and that I learned the hard way.

Habit #1: Have Self-Compassion

Shame is a dangerous emotion. It can easily become a part of your identity if you’re not careful. When you identify yourself with tiny mistakes or over-analyse situations that make yourself feel guilty, it can easily lead to shame.

When things weren’t going as planned in my business, I used to think that it was because I wasn’t good enough. Although I knew to analyse the different factors of the business to realise where things were going wrong, I always pointed the finger at myself first!

If I could have done it all over again, I would’ve given myself way more compassion.


How to Practice Self-Compassion

Having self-compassion is important because it gives you permission to fail. Making “failure” acceptable will give you the confidence to take risks and try new things.

If you’ve been thinking about an experience you’ve been wanting to try, go into it giving yourself permission to fail and being compassionate with yourself if you do. This will remove the importance of the outcomes and will help you enjoy the actual experience.

A great tactic to make sure you’re practising self-compassion is to role-play with yourself. Pretend that the issue you’re berating yourself about is actually an issue that a friend has.

How would you advise that friend? Would you call them a loser and make them feel low or would you encourage them to give themselves a second chance?

When you begin getting down on yourself or you hear that negative self-talk trigger, think about yourself and treat yourself as a friend. Give yourself the much needed compassion and support to simply do better next time.


Habit #2: Be grateful for what you’ve got

Like the famous Sheryl Crow line goes: “It’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got.”

When you’re focused on what you don’t have or what you’re not achieving, you discount your past success.

If you’re constantly telling yourself that you’ll be good enough once you reach a certain career milestone or have a certain amount of money in your bank account, you will fail to enjoy the path that you’re currently on. You’re essentially “living in the future.”

Being grateful for your current situation, no matter what state it is in will make you feel more comfortable with yourself. Beyond that, gratitude has also been reported to strengthen immune systems, lower blood pressure, and increase levels of positive emotions in people.

It may sound cheesy, but I like to start my day with a short meditation focusing on gratitude. The reason that I’ve made this meditation a habit is because it achieves two important things: having gratitude and presence.
Easy 3-Step Meditative Practice:
Gratitude for the people in my life– this keeps me grounded and reminds me of all the supportive people in my life
Gratitude for the small stuff– I then like to think about minor things that make me happy or that I take for granted. Things like the birds chirping outside my window, running water, food and shelter, even silly things like my favourite TV shows!
Gratitude for the big stuff– I also like to think about the endless opportunities in life that I have access to, like hobbies I’m passionate about, volunteer activities and other cool things I can live and learn from! Other things I may take for granted such as freedom and health are important things to be grateful for every single day.

You can use this same practice and tweak it to your own life. It will help focus your mind on the what you should be grateful for and it will bring you back into the now!

Habit #3: Focus on Small Wins

Setting goals is a great way to focus your mind and energy towards achievement to kill that inner self-doubt. Studies have also shown that setting goals can increase intrinsic motivation.

A hack that I like to use to build confidence is setting up small wins. You can do this by setting smaller, specific, achievable goals. Tracking a series of small wins can lead you to a long-term goal systematically. It also propels success by feeding off of the momentum of each small win, making you feel excited and motivated at every win.
Here’s an example:

I always wanted to start my own blog but it always felt really daunting. To get started, I made a small goal of getting at least 20 subscribers within one month.

Knowing that I was working towards a very specific goal made starting a blog more real, it gave me a reason to launch it and work on it consistently. Although the goal seemed small, I remember how ecstatic I was when I achieved it. It got me motivated to continue writing and I proved to myself that I could do it!

When you are setting goals to help you achieve small wins remember to be specific, have a deadline, make them achievable and track them. When you achieve those small wins be sure to celebrate them with gusto!

Habit #4: Visualisation

Visualisation is not mumbo jumbo. Top athletes and entrepreneurs use visualisation to help prime their brains for success. The reason why it works is because you’re activating a series of connected nuclei in your brain called the “reticular activating system.”

In short, the RAS controls your belief system and links the unconscious and conscious parts of your brain. It helps filter out the tons of information you are exposed to, narrowing your brain’s focus only on the information that is deemed important by you.

For example, have you ever been at a busy airport but still hear your name through the intercom or someone shouting for you? That’s because your RAS has been primed to pay special attention to something important, your first name. It then turns all the other noise around you into “background noise.”

Visualising helps prime your brain for success by cuing the RAS to focus on things that matter to you.
How to Visualise

A handy visualisation exercise I like to use is imagining my “ideal future.” I like to vividly imagine a variety of things like what I’ll be doing, with whom, in what location and even imagine the way I’ll internally feel.

By doing this exercise, my brain is now focused on the things I can be doing to achieve this “ideal future.” I’d love to work from anywhere in the world, so I imagine myself blogging away on a white-sand beach. Since my brain has been primed with that vision, I’ve become hyper-aware of experiences and stories that I can channel into blog posts because I’ve trained my brain to focus on achieving that ideal goal!

The interesting thing about visualisation is that it can be as powerful as actually doing what you’re thinking. In a fascinating study, piano players were divided in two groups. One group was told to physically practice, while the other was told to “mentally” practice by sitting in front of the piano and visualise playing it.

The takeaway was that in both groups there were identical physical changes in the brain and after three days their piano playing accuracy was exactly the same, regardless of how they practice.

Start visualising the future you want so your brain can help you focus on the things that will get you there!


Conclusion

Being able to control that voice in your head can make a huge difference in your life. That voice has the power to hold you back from success, from living life to your fullest and so much more! By practising the mental habits of self-compassion, gratitude, focusing on goals and visualisation you can get over your self-doubt and negative self-talk.

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