Overcoming Envy: What Envy Teaches You

Envy gets a bad rap. The ancient Greek philosopher Antisthenes described it as corrosive ("As iron is eaten away by rust, so the envious are consumed by their own passion.") Envy is established as one of the seven deadly sins - hardly a list of traits that we celebrate.

Yet we all feel it. Envy is part of the human experience. Instead of judging envy as wrong or bad, is there something we can do with it?

Envy begins with social comparison. Social comparison is a psychological process where we try to determine our own personal worth by comparing ourselves to others. So often, the result is we see ourselves as not measuring up.

Research shows that this process of comparison happens continually and automatically, underneath our awareness. And it sets us up for an inevitable deflation of confidence and self-esteem, what I call "compare and despair".

What we may not recognize is how shame is at the root of this despair. Shame is a deeply felt sense that we are defective, inadequate or not good enough. Shame is fuel for envy. When we look at somebody else and feel envy, it's not just that someone has acquired or achieved something, but that we believe we are unable to acquire or achieve something like it.

Well, that stinks.

But, wait. What if there is a positive side to envy?

Because, when we are in despair, we are missing something important: envy is information. Envy is giving you clues about what you desire. Look at your envy to start following the clues. Ask yourself:

Who do I envy?

What is it about them that generates envy?Since social comparison happens so quickly, envy can be vague, like a cloud around the person to whom you are comparing yourself. You feel it but you may not know why.

When you identify the source, envy becomes specific. You can examine it more closely.

Now this is where it gets really good, because envy gives you the opportunity to challenge the assumptions that underlie it.

Consider the source of your envy. Ask yourself:

Is it something I really want?

Do I think I can have it? Or can I attain something similar or create a similar feeling for myself?Let's say, for example, that you envy your neighbors who own a boat. They take their boat out on the water every weekend and it pains you each time they head out on Saturday morning.

Is it the boat you really want (with all of its associated responsibilities like dock fees and storage, maintenance and repairs, insurance and fuel, equipment and supplies)?

Or is it a sense of freedom? wealth? escape? (or something else?) that the boat represents for you?

There is no right or wrong answer - it's about understanding what you really want. Because when you know what you want you can begin to deliberately bring it into your life.

This is how you transform envy, by utilizing it as a tool to help you understand:

What you really want, what you value, what success looks like for you

How you can generate that for yourselfWhen you are clear about what's most important and what it looks like in your life, you can start building it for yourself.

What other people have and do becomes so much less significant. Comparisons won't matter. And you'll be happier when you are focused on your life, rather than on the lives of others.

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How To Build Your Confidence Fast

A lack of self-confidence can come from such a variety of different origins that it's almost impossible to track down.

Gaining self-confidence doesn't have a one size fits all solution.

Although people sometimes experience traumatic events that result in a catastrophic loss of self-confidence, often it's more a case of a continual buildup of experiences that erode a person's confidence. Even in the case of a traumatic event, the event is usually just the final straw.

Building confidence back up, then, requires fighting fire with fire: an accumulation of different efforts.

Maybe you know someone who took up karate, sky diving or lawn bowling and went from painfully shy and anxious to social butterfly. If that's the case, examine their lives carefully. Just like the final straw might be the ultimate in a series of debilitating experiences, so the reverse may be true.

One activity or event may act as the catalyst that sparks off a series of experiences that all help to grow self-confidence. For example, maybe as that person grew confident in their ability at karate, then they had the confidence to start aiming for and hitting other, smaller goals, that eventually rebuilt their self-confidence.

Before getting started with confidence building activities, it's important to revisit the idea that emotions are temporary. True, some may last weeks, months or years - but they are not a permanent blight on your wellbeing. Complicated emotions that feed insecurity are like these.

The first thing you can do to start on the path to becoming the self-confident person you have always wanted to be and let that inner beast out is to decide to do something about it and follow through.

Habitual behavior forms your thoughts. That's why following through is so important. By continually deciding to do something about your situation but not following through, you are telling your brain that following through with action is not important.

The brain is a complicated neural processor - like a computer. Remember that a computer will only give you information based on what you input. Telling your brain that taking action to relieve your self-confidence crisis isn't important enough to you to do is the same as telling it that you are happy with the low mood it is outputting.

No matter how you choose to slowly boost your confidence, remember that confidence and competence goes hand-in-hand. So try to find a couple of activities to do to increase your skill on certain areas of your life, practice them consistently, focus on the positive outcomes and you will raise your confidence baseline as time goes by.

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Your Limiting Beliefs Are Hurting You

If you are like many of us, you have probably gotten to a point where you have realized that you are not at the place in your life where you had hoped to be. Whether it is your finances, your weight, your relationships, you career or any other area of your life. What most people don't realize is that when you do not have what you desire to have, it is because deep down in your subconscious mind, there are various limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck.

As we have talked about in other articles, these limiting beliefs are not even in our conscious awareness. We may not even know that they exist. Once you are aware of the fact that your limiting beliefs are actually preventing you from achieving what you want, then you can start to dig a little deeper to determine what they are, clear them out and get on your way to achieving those things that you want.

I for one have struggled with beliefs about money. One of the beliefs is that there was "never enough money". Since I truly believed this to the core of me, I would keep manifesting situations of lack and then seeing for myself that there never was enough. I kept reliving the same feelings about money because that is what I truly believed. Part of this was from my parents and some of it was from past religious beliefs telling me that God gives us only what we need for the day. I made up that I could only have enough to get by and no extra. Once I was able to let go and counteract that belief and affirm to myself that there is an endless supply of money in the Universe, the belief lost its grip on me, and money started showing up from unusual sources and various ways.

Sadly, most of us have had these and other beliefs for years and have created multiple layers. We can become aware of one layer and clear it and a couple of days, weeks or months later, it may appear again. It doesn't mean that you never cleared it the first time, but that there are deeper layers for healing. Be patient with yourself as you can eventually clear them and depending on how embedded in your subconscious they are, will determine how easy they are to get rid of. Sometimes they are more of a challenge to get rid of as they have become a part of our identity and we don't know what or who we would be without them.

I recently had to face a painful realization of a belief that I had been holding on to unknown to me. It started to surface a couple of months ago and I faced it and thought I had cleared it. It now sounds like such a ridiculous thought. The belief was " I don't deserve to be happy". If you would have asked me a few months ago, I would have sworn that I knew I deserved to be happy. But deep down, my subconscious mind was resisting this thought and it started to feel really uncomfortable when I would say those words to myself.

I grew up in a chaotic, high stress, abusive household. So as a child, when I may have been feeling happy minding my own business (and I am a naturally happy person) and then out of left field came anger and raging, I may have instantly told myself that I shouldn't be happy or I don't deserve to be. When this pattern continued on a regular basis, I had no choice to say to myself, " See, I was happy and someone got mad at me so clearly I shouldn't be happy".

I continued to seek these types of relationships where there was erratic behavior and raging to confirm that exact subconscious belief. Despite the fact that I always woke up happy, something would always happen, whether it was my own painful thoughts or actions or words by anther. I had no idea in my conscious mind until recently when it came blaring to my attention.

As this new and deeper layer came to surface, I became more sensitive and was blaming more because I was feeling uncomfortable. I found myself having a great day and then finding something to turn it rough. How could I be happy if my true belief was I didn't deserve to be? I caught myself starting to sabotage my own happiness and the happiness of others around me to stay aligned with my beliefs. I didn't want them to be happy because then I had to face my own pain. It was quite painful to me at a conscious level because I really wanted to be happy, but somehow, it was like a comfortable slipper for my subconscious mind when I was not happy.

It was a sick cycle and I could not believe what I had created in my mind from the time I was a child. This could have kept me captive for the rest of my life had I not faced it head on due to the fact it was causing problems in my most precious relationship. Life would be great for a quick time but it would never stay that way or even close. I saw what I was doing and had to bring it to a screeching halt. I had no idea where the behavior was coming from and was embarrassed by my unforeseen reactions.

We have all our answers within us and we just have to ask for it to be revealed. I sought the answer within and then I was able to address the belief, release it and counteract it. Wow, it was freedom from bondage I didn't even know I was in.

Sometimes, there is something within us that is not ready to face the truth and it may take a while for the answer to come. If that is the case, be patient and know it is for your highest and best.

Clearing these beliefs may be a breeze for some and more of a challenging for others especially those who grew up in dysfunctional homes. I always remind our readers that although it may be painful to face, inside that Pandora's box is a beautiful treasure chest. Happy treasure hunting! Namaste

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7 Habits All Successful Supermoms Possess

Being a supermom is pretty simple;

A supermom is someone who makes everything look easy.

They get work done like a breeze, cook and clean, manage kids and hubby with complete ease, and still have time to volunteer at the homeless shelter, arrange dinner gatherings and last but not least, look amazing at all times.

7 Habits Successful Supermoms Possess

But the question is, how do they manage get all that done?

Here are the 7 habits of a successful supermom that make them the happiest mothers:


1. Get an early start

Getting an early start is the secret to the organized life of a supermom.

Start your day with a warm shower and get things done with the help of a daily check-list. All you need is to get into a routine of waking up early.

For example, many women have a crazy obsession with their kitchen. It has to be clean before they do anything else. So, they wake up and clean the kitchen each morning.

Doing that one thing right sets up their whole day for small victories like this one.


2. Stick to your schedule

Find out what kind of schedule works best for you and stick with it.

With the many things that you need to take care of at home and work, it can be a little hard to keep up. Save your time – and your sanity by making a list all of the things you need to do. Jot them all down priority-wise.

Cross each item off the list as soon as it’s done. A simple way to efficiently manage your time and schedule is to divide the day into blocks or chunks. Allocate each chunk for specific tasks and do your best at them all.

When the time’s up, move onto the next task. For instance, one hour for cleaning, one hour for kids’ play time, TV time etc.

3. Family comes first

No matter how tough your schedule, your family should always come first.

Always consider your spouse and your children your very first priority. Take time out for your children every day. Have them sit on your lap and read a book.

Get on your hands and knees and play with their toys, have arts and crafts sessions with them, bake brownies with you daughters in the kitchen. There are loads of things you can do to spend time with your family, even if it is for a couple of minutes.


4. Embrace a healthy lifestyle

Being a mom can be stressful at times, but the experience is also a very beautiful one.

Every mother is usually seen running after her kids and finishing errands. But no matter how busy she is, a successful supermom never runs out of time when it comes to living healthy.

Yoga is an amazing way to bring a beautiful, self-loving and accepting energy into your life. You should think of incorporating yoga in your life, because a regular practice will keep you centred and strong. Also, get creative in the kitchen and create delicious and healthful meals for the whole family.

Let’s admit it mommies. That cup of coffee or tea during a hectic day is a much-needed and pleasurable break that can’t be missed. But instead of coffee, take green tea or herbal tea instead. A cup a day will add much more energy to your life!


5. Laugh your heart out

Life is lot better when you are laughing.

Learn to smile and laugh at anything and everything that comes your way.

Nothing can go perfectly every day. There will be days when you actually just want to cry and that’s okay. As a mother, you may also sometimes bump into chaotic situations.

Try not to get cross on petty issues, because we all make mistakes. To relieve the stress, all you need is to laugh out loud.


6. De-clutter your home

A successful supermom knows how to de-clutter her home. Your home will be a lot more harmonious when everyone can find what they are looking for.

Throw out anything that you have not worn or used in the past 1 year. Furniture, old newspapers and weekly magazines, clothes the kids have grown out of and regular stuff in general.

After every three months, you can do a ‘grand cleaning’ to de-clutter the entire house. Involve your kids to clean out the closets and donate what you don’t need to charity.

Pack and set aside the seasonal clothes in storage under the beds. Arrange a garage sale where the kids (and you!) can sell any old possessions that you want to part with. And if you are short of space, you can still keep things in order with shelving, hooks, and storage bins.
7. Have fun because you deserve it

Taking some time out to have fun and enjoy some ‘me time’ is just not only okay, it’s a good thing! You can always leave the kids with your husband, friend, mom, cousin, or baby sitter and have a girls’ night out!

You can also plan a weekly get together with your lady friends for lunch or dinner. Such outings for your leisure can be an awesome way to regain the positive energy that you will need for the week ahead.

Socializing with friends you can count on is always wonderful.

Alternatively, you can also fix an appointment with your stylist to get some beauty treatments like a mani-pedi, a hot oil massage and a fresh haircut. Remember all the hard work you put in every day, you deserve this bit!


Summary

Here’s a quick recap on the seven habits all successful supermoms possess:
Get an early start
Stick to your schedule
Family comes first
Embrace a healthy lifestyle
Laugh your heart out
De-clutter your home
Have fun because you deserve it
Are you a supermom? Has this article helped you? Leave a comment below.

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Accept Who You Are

What is self-acceptance? How do you accept yourself? When you discover, yourself do you just stay like that? Well, these are the questions that an individual asks him or herself. Many people don't accept for who they are. And most of these people end up being failures.

Let us first describe what self-acceptance is. Self-acceptance involves accepting your weakness and negative habits. But the question is, do you accept and do nothing about your weaknesses or attitude? Do you give in to your laziness and look for excuses for leaving everything as it is? Well when you accept yourself and not doing any improvement to improve your habits, then that is not technically self-acceptance.

Self-acceptance. 

Many people don't usually understand the term self-acceptance. The term self-acceptance itself is not well explained either. In self-acceptance, accepting yourself is only the first step of the long journey of self-improvement. Just acceptance does not contribute to any self-progress and self-improvement in any way. A point to be duly noted is that you do not accept your fate or life as it is.

Weaknesses habits 

You must first become aware of your weaknesses habits and your personality. You must look at yourself as you currently are. After you have accepted who you are, then you begin to put yourself in a better or improved position, unlike the current one you are in.

Knowing yourself

knowing yourself opens the doors of possibilities of your capabilities. Through that, then you can devise ways to improve yourself. Self-improvement requires the understanding and deeply knowing your character; habits quit the comparisons you make of yourself with other people and knowing your capabilities or the lack of them. Doing this will comfort you by getting rid of guilt, bring about happiness and lightness

I accept myself as I am 

"This is who I am. I accept myself as I am. I take my failure, my fate, my achievements and this is how it will always be". This is just an excuse that many people make to feel better because of maybe constant failings or regular unpleasant occurrences. The first thing that should be noted is that these deficiencies happen because of not genuinely engaging yourself or self-assessment.

No one is a failure or a disappointment. All it takes is for a person to know his or her personality, habit, character and failures then, start building from there. Then initiate the improvement process. Sooner or later, you will be amazed at what you can do.

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7 Easy Ways to Reduce Stress in Your Life

Stress is a big part of life, unfortunately. Particularly if you’re a dreamer, and some things just haven’t gone the way you wanted them to. However, once you know how to control your stress levels, things become a lot easier for you.

Unfortunately, we all have daily stress, and it can come from many sources. But stress is something you can definitely reduce, by taking a few simple steps.

7 Easy Ways to Reduce Stress in Your Life

Here are 7 things to keep in mind that will reduce your stress level and make it easier to be happier and more productive at whatever you do.


1) Sleep well

Many people underestimate the value of sleep. It is all too easy to stay up late and give up your sleep time. Especially when you are young and feel like you can do anything.

Research shows that sleep deprivation affects your body’s healthy balance, so it is not something you want to cut out. Think of it as mistreating yourself because lack of sleep affects everything you do. If you have trouble sleeping, there are many ways to address the problem.

Talk to your doctor for solutions.


2) Eat Healthy
We all know how it feels to skip meals because we are too busy, or eating too much of the type of foods that are unhealthy.

When you want to improve your diet, there are many choices. Just reducing your sugar intake is one sure method. Avoid sugar sweetened drinks and those with high doses of caffeine is another.

Sticking to a diet rich in protein with large amounts of fruits and vegetables is generally good advice.

3) Simplify
Life can get complicated, especially when you find yourself being very active and not having enough time for yourself.

It’s easy to take on too many projects, to work overtime, or to spend excessive time involved in community or school projects and activities. When you choose to simplify your life, you decide to cut back on stress-inducing activities.

You purposely slow down, and plan quiet time for yourself and your family. Another way to simplify refers to the recent popular trend of cutting back on your material possessions.

Cleaning out closets and organizing your home or workspace is always a good idea.


4) Exercise

Exercise is one of the fastest and easiest ways to de-stress.

Many people go to the gym or take up running. But even doing simpler methods like just riding a bike or spending time in your living room each morning doing cardio moves, or taking regular walks every day are ways to improve your health and reduce your stress level.

Exercise reduces your risk for getting chronic diseases because it improves your immune system. Along with exercising, you should also make sure you drink enough water to stay hydrated.


5) Be creative
Have you ever noticed how people who have serious hobbies are rarely depressed?

This is because doing something creative is a way to channel your energy in a new direction. Find something to do that you are interested in, such as gardening, scrap-booking, putting together a photo project, or woodworking.

Or maybe you are interested in doing a larger home project such as remodeling your garage or building a wine cellar. You will quickly see that it will help you unwind from your work day. Hobbies are fun to do and a great way to spend time away from everything else.
Easy Ways to Reduce Stress in Your Life

Here are 7 things to keep in mind that will reduce your stress level and make it easier to be happier and more productive at whatever you do.


6) Take time to relax

Some people forget to take time out of their regular activities to relax.

But, more and more people are realizing just how valuable relaxation time is. Taking time to relax will make you feel better and give you more energy to to be productive at work.

There are many ways to relax, such as visiting a health spa or taking a yoga class. Many people use meditation to help them relax.

Doing outside activities also help you unwind, so take time to travel and explore new places you have never been before, or get outside somewhere close to home.


7) Schedule Fun

One of the biggest mistakes people make is to overwork.

Life can seem so fast paced, and the demands of excessive job hours can seem overwhelming. This is why it is so important to schedule time for fun activities.

Whether you are single, or have a family, doing something outdoors with friends, or with your partner or children is very important. Live a little better every day. Get out of the house, try something new and have some fun!


Keep these 7 tips in mind when you want to reduce your stress level. Sleep well, eat healthy, simplify, exercise, be creative, relax and have fun.


These ideas will help you to stay balanced and live happier and healthier every day.

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