Why You Should Think Long Term to Overcome Immediate Setbacks

Hidden Lessons

It's easier to obsess over setbacks, than to try to play the long game when it comes to life.

After all, obstacles are real while the future is promised to no one.

Disappointments have a way of overpowering you, however, they are just one aspect of your life. The key is to continually move forward and to not become caught up in your problems for too long.

You mustn't allow what is taking place to overshadow your long-term plans. It was Henry Ford who said: "When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it."

Like buried treasure, opportunities are hidden in your setbacks if you are willing to look hard enough. Once the anxiety settles, you come to realise the real account emerges.

Life should be measured in its entirety, not by your failures. If you're lucky enough, you will live a long life. So, avoid giving too much attention to your setbacks, since you are likely to bounce back from them.

That is, don't overstate what is taking place. We have a tendency towards a negativity bias which gets the better of us. Yes, your setbacks may be real, but you will overcome them to the best of your ability.

"If you can remember to look at your long-term goals, however, it will help you put setbacks into perspective," affirms author Amy Morin in 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do.

Move your awareness away from negativity and consider the long-term view.

What could be taking place behind the scenes that you are unaware of?

Is there is a hidden lesson contained within the setback?

Self-Control and Discipline

The value of adopting a long-term view is in not taking things too seriously because ultimately it will resolve itself if you are patient.

You must develop a clear picture of your intended future, instead of focusing on the setback.

Obstacles are part of every person's life. Whilst they are difficult to deal with, they allow for vital personal growth for the journey ahead.

You must adopt self-control and discipline to think long-term.

No one knows what the future holds, but if you have a purposeful vision of what it might look like, you can overcome your short term pain.

"Failures, setbacks, bad luck, disasters; they are there to serve you, not hold you back. They toughen you up and drive you to improve. Frustration fuels growth. It gives you the energy and resolve to clean yourself up, get organized, fix what you can, and take the next step," states author Larry Weidel in Serial Winner: 5 Actions to Create Your Cycle of Success.

Long-term thinking helps you appreciate that things will improve and you are never trapped in your present circumstances.

Time tests your inner resolve, your strength of character and your ability to withstand present conditions. Emotional growth occurs when you allow a situation to play out as it should.

It is difficult to take a long-term view because our minds are not accustomed to think far ahead. We are conditioned to deal with what is taking place now and typically have a limited view of tomorrow.

That comes at a cost to our wellbeing, because if we follow this script we are constantly putting out spot fires instead of working on larger goals.

To think long-term, develop an introspective outlook while reviewing your plans for the future.

Imagine Your Proposed Future

Take action however small, whether it be things such as self-reinforcement, affirmations or visualisations. Success is found in the smallest details.

In his book The Time Paradox: The New Psychology of Time That Will Change Your Life, psychologist and professor at Stanford University, Philip Zimbardo, states there are six time paradoxes that shape our lives:

1. Past-negative

2. Past-positive

3. Present-fatalistic

4. Present-hedonistic

5. Future

6. Transcendental-future

Based on his principles, your relationship with time influences every aspect of your life. So if you dwell on the past, you are less likely to appreciate the present moment and plan for the future.

The key to long term thinking is to imagine your proposed future through the power of your imagination. Focus on the smaller destinations instead of the larger picture.

For example, if your goal is to lose 10 kg (22 lbs) by the end of the year and you are suddenly injured (setback), this will make it difficult to exercise and adhere to your goal.

However, you could focus on the setback or what you can do during this period.

Use this time to fine-tune your nutritional habits by consuming fewer carbohydrates, owing to inactivity. Later, when you can exercise again you are likely to enhance your weight loss due to following sound nutritional habits.

"You need to change your self-talk in order to shift the story you're telling yourself about setbacks and adversity. You need to seek the insight or wisdom in challenging moments," affirms author Adam Markel in Pivot: The Art and Science of Reinventing Your Career and Life.

Focus on the Long Game

There is always some action to take however small, to move you forward towards your goals.

Long-term thinking is something I've followed throughout my adult life. Whilst others excelled in individual areas and gained immediate results, I focused on long-term outcomes.

I experience setbacks and obstacles like most others, yet I don't allow it to consume me. When I find myself stuck in a situation, I consider it a minor speed hump in what is a long journey.

I enjoy author Whitney Johnson's view in her book Disrupt Yourself: Putting the Power of Disruptive Innovation to Work: "As I have grappled with my own failures, and as I have watched others dealing with setbacks, I have observed several responses that seem to ameliorate failure, transforming it into a stepping-stone to future success."

That is the framework of this entire piece - using your setbacks as a stepping stone for future success. It is what esteemed Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck calls developing a Growth Mindset.

"Dweck says it's difficult to maintain confidence in a fixed mind-set without distorting the world, such as acting defensively or blaming someone or something else for setbacks," says Peter Sims in Little Bets: How breakthrough ideas emerge from small discoveries.

To overcome a setback, recognise it as a minor process in what is a greater plan unfolding. Deal with what is taking place by all means, but use the lessons to develop a Growth Mindset.

In closing, I invite you to focus on the long game for your life.

That is where the fruit of your labour lies waiting for you to seize it, rather than dwell on your past mistakes.

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4 Tips To Improve And Boost Your Self-Confidence

Many people today believe that having self-confidence has something to do with ones accomplishments or societal status. Others think it has something to do with having a certain kind of body, the way one looks or even how popular they are with friends and society in general. The idea of self confidence is perhaps one that women need a lot of clarity on because often times we see promotions on what new thing to get, which make-up to use and which "fix you up" products that are all supposed to magically give you an increased sense of self-worth and greater confidence. But does any of this really work?

Personally I know it doesn't work at all for I started off trying to get rid of my insecurities, self-loathing and criticism by buying all the best things I could find to enhance my beauty and confidence.

What experience has shown me, which numerous researches conducted can now confirm is that nothing can increase your self-esteem and self- confidence. Your happiness, fulfillment and overall well-being is very much limited or expanded by your level of confidence and self-esteem. No external thing therefore can truly bring you joy and fulfillment or that sense of deserving except a belief in your own value, which is always determined by your level of inner confidence, and belief in your own Self.

In our modern and rapidly developing society where material possessions are considered a standard measure of value, more and more people are secretly battling with this idea and try to mask whatever emotions they might have by working harder than ever to get more stuff, bigger accolades and more social recognition in the hopes that this will in some way fill the inner void that continues to brew.

This is the worst way to build your success or your self-esteem because none of the outer possessions no matter how good will ever satisfy you or even last very long. They aren't meant to add or complete you where you feel a lack, when we use them for such, we welcome all the evils that divine teachings have warned us against.

What is self-confidence and where does it come from?

Confidence is defined as the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on something or someone. Self-confidence then is the feeling or belief that you can have faith in and rely on your Self.

It all comes from the Self and the error we have made far too many times is in making our capacity, abilities and sense of worth dependent on something other than self. Which brings me to the first point I wish to drive home, the self is the real, infinite and eternal you. But that self-experiencing your current life is under a certain belief, idea, concept about who and what it is. This idea is called self-image. It is the image of self that your mind has believed and defined as you. If this image is healthy and built or a right foundation then you have a great thriving lifestyle because your confidence is booming which means you're deliberately designing and generating the kind of conditions rolling out in your life. However if for one reason or another you didn't form a healthy and true image of self, then real confidence and belief in yourself is something you struggle with which naturally reflects on the quality of life you get to experience on a daily basis.

For the most part, we see all the erred views on self-confidence and self-esteem stemming out of this false paradigm and approach to the self, which causes people to look to the external rather than to the self for a strong, confident and a high sense of value and worth as human individuals simply from just "being" instead of doing or having a particular thing.

The difference between a person who's got a good healthy self-confidence and one who doesn't isn't about how they physically look, what they have or the kind of accomplishments they've made. It's a deeper more profound knowledge and understanding as well as complete appreciation and embracing of all that they are. One of the question's I get asked the most is: What can I do to increase my level of confidence? Here are a few ways:

1. Disentangle your real Self from your conceptions of self

The great endeavour we all need to frequently do as we often get lazy and get pulled back into mass kind of thinking is to disentangle the real Self from the beliefs attached to the self. The "I" in you is the real Self and is not the idea of you that you've formed throughout your lifetime. Your real Self is independent of all the conditions, labels and attachments you developed while on earth. It is this self that gives you life and makes it possible for you to even read this now.

This same self is the one you must learn to believe in, have faith and rely on implicitly. But since many people have no idea how to access or live from this self, the outside alternatives have continued to be promoted because humanity has long gotten used to the idea of looking for power outside in the world of effects. We find it difficult to trust in what is beyond our intellect and yet we can feel that all things tangible are limited. You self-confidence will increase greatly when you learn to tap into your real Self and live from that authentic and infinitely powerful aspect of your existence.

2. Learn the truth about perfection and imperfection

Mankind has gotten so used to the idea of being imperfect. It's drilled in almost all schools of life and the idea of perfection has been given such a bad humanistic and almost vain taste that stating it here I know will arouse the criticism of the uninitiated minds. But the truth always stands and it is that you are perfect! You were born perfect and that's why you innately feel as though you need to express it.

Because you are spiritually perfect, there is no need to ever believe that something needs to be added or fixed. No need to ever believe that you need to seek it because being already perfect, the process of human living is the progressive unfolding and evolving of that inherent perfection. Start viewing yourself as such and life will show you just how perfect you can be as long as you continue progressively moving forward with ease and confidence in who you really are.

3. Discover the biggest war zone in the world and heal it

This is a big one for most people everywhere. Do you know that one of the biggest and hardest habits to break for the human being is that of self-judgment? Neuroscience found this to be one of the most detrimental habits most people indulge in almost unconsciously.

Within your mind is an ever on-going conversation about everything you are experiencing and especially about yourself. This conversation needs to be guarded and reshaped to reflect the kind of lifestyle you wish to manifest before you can hope to have it as your reality. If that conversation is only fault-finding, blaming, arguing and criticizing it will be very difficult for you to ever feel good enough or worthy of a good life. People spend so much time worried about the outside world while if only they could go quiet and listen in, they would soon discover a similar war going on internally.

4. Learn to embrace

Embrace all of you. Not just the good parts but all of you... Ambiguity is natural to you because you exist as Body - Mind - Spirit. When you discover the kind of image you have attached to your "I", it's probable you'll even feel ashamed that you attached such a disgraceful belief to yourself and let it define who you are. We all experience that - but what you need to know is that it doesn't really matter anymore as long as you're now awake and ready to take action and create an image that truly reflects the kind of person you want to be. Hiding, feeling ashamed or guilty over the things you discover from your old beliefs and mindset does nothing except harm you and keep you stuck.

Don't forget these are just a few tips on a very deep topic that every individual needs to work on intimately because it makes all the difference in the quality of life. I have a lot more on this topic and you can have more access in greater details of ways to help you recreate your self-image.

Above all else, understand that changing yours self-image and improving your confidence requires time and consistent practice because it's a major factor in mastery of self. As with all things, the mastery requires certain consistent effort and practice to be invested before the great harvest can be enjoyed. But every step along the way will already move you closer to your ultimate goal and small manifestations that help you track your progress will always be noted so keep working at it, start with these simple ideas and trust that you are all it takes to be this new you that you want to bring into physical reality.

Plus-You Can Now Join Our FREE Mastering Success Facebook Community at www.masteringsuccess.group

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10 Power Questions To Get You Motivated

There are times in life when we need to motivate ourselves. We often have big ambitions we want to achieve. Sometimes, however, the motivation and clarity we need evade us, and the limited time frames we have mean we need to get busy when we simply lack the zest to do so.

The following are a set of simple questions we can ask ourselves to begin to create the direction, the clarity and above all the motivation for ourselves to act:

1. What is the highest vision for my career, my life and myself?

This is really a reminder question for us. A key element of a balanced life is to have a clear vision of who you want to be and where you want to take your career and your life. This question is an opportunity for you to create that vision (preferably on paper), or if you already have it, to remind yourself of it.

2. What's the bigger picture here?

This question follows on from the first. When you have your vision, your subconscious mind will start to think creatively about how you can begin to make that vision happen. What's the bigger picture here, allows you to keep your thinking at a higher level, rather than bringing it down to the detail of life too quickly.

3. What are the key activities I need to be engaged in to get me to where I want to be?

This is a great all-encompassing question that takes you down a level in terms of your thinking. The focus of this question is the key activities. These are the 20% activities that will give you 80% of your results (according to the Pareto Principle). Again, this keeps your thinking at a level that allows you to focus on just those things that will get you to your outcome in the best way possible. You are not down at the micro or detail level yet. A good way to approach this is to come up with a list of just 2-4 key activities. These will become your projects from which your key tasks will flow.

4. How can I leverage my time, energy and money?

Leverage means investing a small amount of your resources in such a way that you get results that are many, many times greater than that investment. It could be, for example, that you invest a given amount of your time, energy and money to acquire the time, energy and money of many others. This is a form of leverage that is used to very powerful effect, for example, in the business world, and is how many businesses grow from sole-entrepreneurship to global status. Therefore asking yourself this key question constantly, permits you to engage fully in those activities that will give you the greatest return on your time, energy and money.

5. Do I need outside help?

This question flows on logically from the previous. It opens up your thinking, and allows you to consider the fact that others may be able to help you in your quest. This question prevents you from getting caught up in believing that you have to do everything yourself. Often when we are in this mode we can easily become overwhelmed, and this can sabotage our results. It is therefore useful to be asking yourself this question constantly so that external resources regularly show up for you.

6. What is stopping me from moving forward?

Sometimes we don't consider this question, and simply try to achieve our aspirations in life. By considering what may be stopping you, you are giving yourself the chance to acknowledge what is going on for you at a deeper level. This can reveal blockages that go way back, that may even have begun in childhood and could still be affecting you today. By using key techniques such as Energy Therapy to clear psychological and emotional barriers, you can begin to move forward and work more effectively towards your outcomes.

7. Given who I am, where I am in life, who I want to be and where I want to be in life, how can I use the time I have to the greatest effect?

This question may be detailed, but it acknowledges that you may have a limited amount of time in which to act, and therefore recognises that you need to use that time wisely. It also acknowledges who you are and where you are in your life right now whilst recognising that you have aspirations to improve. This is a powerful question that encourages you to look beyond those activities that may seem urgent but may not at this moment in time be in the best interests of your overall vision.

8. What can I do?

The is another all-encompassing question that begins to bring your thinking down to the task level whilst allowing your subconscious to consider all the options open to you. It also focuses your mind on what you can do rather than what you feel you can't.

9. How can I get started?

Getting started is one of the most difficult parts of any project or vision accomplishment. Asking yourself how you can get started brings your focus back to the current moment, and allows you to decide what your first step is going to be. This point alone can open up numerous doors in your mind, and can begin to make what may have seemed overwhelming or impossible, possible.

10. How can I work smarter?

Once we've started on our journey towards our vision, we can often get caught up in the detail of the work, and risk losing both our focus and direction. The upshot is that we can become derailed and distracted, and the effectiveness of our work can suffer. Asking yourself at every stage of your journey How can I work smarter will help you to find better, more useful and more intelligent ways of achieving your aims.

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7 Keys to Unlock Your Potential - Now!

The difference between who you currently are and who you want to be in life comes down, at least initially, to your mindset in life.

Initially, this mindset is what kick starts you in the morning and all during the day.

You eventually become what you think you are!

The internal conversations that you are continuously having with yourself every moment of every day will become the driving force on who you actually end up becoming in life.

It is the driving factor behind every success and failure in life.

Below are 7 magical mystical keys that will help unlock your potential and guide you on the path to where you want to be.

1. Goal Setting

Don't settle for anything less than the best outcome here. Set your goals HIGH and don't stop until you reach them. Knowing what the final outcome is will motivate you and also allow you to track how far you've come.

2. Self Trust.

Being successful, no matter how you define success, is having the belief in yourself and your capabilities. Success is created by YOU. Expel the negative thoughts and voices regardless of the current situation. You alone can determine your worth and value. Believe, believe and Believe!

3. Patience

Sometimes moving forwards on something actually takes patience. This should not be taken as being the same as standing still. Standing still and procrastination will not get you any further along the road than where you currently stand.

4. Focus.

This is one of the hard ones. It's actually very easy to be focused when you first begin something new. Keeping that razor sharp focus takes discipline.

Discipline and focus are the middle layers to get you from where you currently stand to where you want to be.

5. Courage!

Another tough one. Fear has a nasty habit of showing its ugly face when you least expect it. Remember though, courage is not the absence of fear but rather acknowledgement of that fear and moving on regardless.

6. Positive!

I've written quite a few articles in the past regarding a positive mental outlook on life.

Set your mind to positive and expel the negativity from your life.

Remember the reasons that you want to do this and ensure that you keep these in mind. Print out a mood board, goal board or whatever other inspiration you require and look at it as many times as possible.

That's your goal - YOUR LIFE.

7. Learn and Adjust.

Not everything in your life will go as planned. Don't treat failure as anything other than another learning curve. Don't make that same mistake again and you will grow.

I hope these 7 points have at least a small impact on your life - in truth, I hope that they help you achieve everything that you actually want out of life.

It's YOUR life - LIVE IT!

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What Does Being Authentic Really Mean to You?

I was reading about character vs. characterization in novel writing, and this led me to contemplate what it means to be authentic. When writers craft a novel, they need characters and need to develop the characters in a way that makes them feel real to readers. This means the writers have to know as much about the characters as possible, from eye color to habits to prime motivation in life. This is called characterization. Character is what is demonstrated when a character in a novel faces a challenge-shows their true colors, as the saying goes. It's the stuff they're made of, when push comes to shove. It's the same for us.

It's fairly easy to create a characterization, a presentation, of ourselves for others to see and believe: we can let them see whatever we prefer they see. With others, we can pay attention to what they say and do, and even what we intuit about them when we're with them, which gives us more information beyond what we see. But all of this leads to the question: what is authenticity really about?

What if it's really about how you feel about yourself, rather than what you say or do, or how you look? After all, any of us can at anytime say and do things that don't feel authentic to us but we believe is what is expected of us, or dress a certain way, whether it feels natural or not. Do you believe that to be truly authentic, you have to spill every bean about yourself to everyone? Can you keep anything private or be discerning about who you share what with and still be authentic?

As I pondered these questions, I thought about the fact that the world is peopled with introverts and extroverts. People have traits of both, but in their individual quantities. Carolyn Gregoire wrote the following in an article for The Huffington Post: "As recently as 2010, the American Psychiatric Association even considered classifying "introverted personality" as a disorder by listing it in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5), a manual used to diagnose mental illness. But more and more introverts are speaking out about what it really means to be a 'quiet' type."

I admit that for a long time I believed that outgoing people (extroverts) were demonstrating the one and only way to be authentic; so, because I'm a more quiet type (80% introvert, according to an online test I took), I judged myself as not being as authentic as someone who says, or seems to say, whatever they feel like saying about anything, and to anyone, at any time. To all you introverts out there, if you've been feeling less authentic because you're a more quiet type or because you feel a certain way and it clashes with what some believe is more "normal" or authentic (or commercially viable) behavior, you can relax and be yourself. You can gladly laugh at those online poster images that say things like "Introverts unite--in your separate homes." You get the joke better than anyone.

Gregoire included a list of 23 signs of an introvert in her article, which I'm going to share here as well as some comments about extroverts. Keep in mind that some people you might call an extrovert may actually have a bit or a good bit of introvert in them, just as introverts have a bit or a good bit of extrovert in them. You may resonate more with some of what's listed below than with others--we're all composites when it comes to our personality. Here are the 23 signs (my comments are in parentheses):

1. You find small talk incredibly cumbersome. (As an introvert, I'll say that's putting it mildly. Too much small talk can make introverts feel tired and annoyed-it's like static on a radio to them. Introverts can and will engage in small talk, but it doesn't take long for them to look for or wish for an exit. A number of aspects that follow can all be tied back into this one. Extroverts, however, will carry on conversations about anything and enjoy it well enough, if not a lot.)

2. You go to parties -- but not to meet people. (Introverts, when they do go to parties, go to see people they know, to be with people who accept them as they are and they can be relaxed around. If they do connect with a new person in a real way, they'll enjoy it. Extroverts tend to be "the more the merrier" types.)

3. You often feel alone in a crowd. (Introverts don't like crowds, or like them in small doses. They have to mentally prepare themselves for crowds. Again, extroverts tend to be "the more the merrier" types.)

4. Networking makes you feel like a phony. (Introverts prefer deeper conversations that lead to real connection. They know it may take a lot of small talk first, to find someone who will engage in deeper conversations (see No. 1). And, yet again, extroverts tend to be "the more the merrier" types.)

5. You've been called "too intense." (Introverts prefer deeper thoughts and conversations-they need them because that's their nature. They'll engage in lighter conversations, but only for so long. This doesn't mean extroverts don't enjoy deeper conversations, but they don't fuel and feed many extroverts as they do introverts.)

6. You're easily distracted. (This refers to an introvert being in an overly-stimulating environment, which stifles clear or deeper thought and engagement. Introverts may zone out in such situations, in order to conserve energy. Extroverts are comfortable in overly-stimulating environments; it fuels them.)

7. Downtime doesn't feel unproductive to you. (Downtime is a necessity for introverts. They need it to recharge their batteries and to stimulate their creativity. A whole day alone with a good book or some other downtime experience is like heaven to an introvert. Longer is even better. Extroverts tend to thrive on stimulation that comes from others and activities. They can take only so much alone time; introverts can take only so much social engagement.)

8. Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those people afterwards. (For all the reasons listed above and below. Extroverts are eager to mingle.)

9. When you get on the subway, you sit at the end of the bench -- not in the middle. (Or prefer end or back seats wherever you go-like in a theater, for fast getaways, if needed. Extroverts like to be in the mix.)

10. You start to shut down after you've been active for too long. (Introverts are often more sprinter types than marathoners, activity-wise. Extroverts have a different kind of energy reserve.)

11. You're in a relationship with an extrovert. (Introverts like to sometimes ride the "waves" with an extrovert. Notice I said "sometimes." That need for quiet, alone time is always there-an introvert can actually feel or become unwell if they don't get enough of this. Extroverts may or may not understand this need, may or may not think it's a strange way to be. Life is for living, is an extrovert's motto. The introvert lives life, just from a more inward perspective.)

12. You'd rather be an expert at one thing than try to do everything. (Introverts like to and need to focus. It's more about how well they function and feel best than about what they do; though, they need to feel aligned with what they do. Extroverts are more outwardly adventurous. An experience, for its own sake, may be more important than alignment with it, for an extrovert.)

13. You actively avoid any shows that might involve audience participation. (However if picked, an introvert might get into it, if the participation is brief enough. An extrovert might deliberately attend such a performance and even volunteer, vigorously.)

14. You screen all your calls -- even from friends. (Sophia Dembling, author of "The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World," said, "To me, a ringing phone is like having somebody jump out of a closet and go 'BOO!'" Introverts prefer to be mentally and energetically ready for phone calls (see No. 1). Plus, when deep in thought, which is often, they don't respond well to being disturbed. Extroverts love to engage anytime. It's stimulation that feeds them.)

15. You notice details that others don't. (Unless an introvert is distracted by an overly-stimulating environment, they notice details; and these can be physical ones, but often are inner ones, like emotional dynamics. Extroverts, like introverts, notice whatever they attune to, but it may be more about what someone says than why they say it.)

16. You have a constantly running inner monologue. (Introverts tend to prefer to think before they speak; and as natural thinkers, they think and process thoughts all the time. Extroverts are more comfortable with speaking first and thinking about it later. They're also more comfortable acting without thinking it through first. Both of these aspects are something introverts sometimes wish they were comfortable doing, but the fact is they aren't. Both of these are things extroverts sometimes wish they hadn't done, but it's their nature.)

17. You have low blood pressure. (A scientific study said introverts tend to have lower BP than extroverts do. This makes sense, since introverts look for deeper meanings and have all that quiet alone time to do it in. Extroverts are out there, living on the edge, for the most part. There's going to be a certain amount of stress in that way of living.) 

18. You've been called an "old soul" -- since your 20s. (Again, introverts tend to prefer to think before they speak, which can seem like wisdom to others (sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't). Extroverts tend to be more in-the-moment types-the time is now, to speak and act, which is sometimes wise and sometimes isn't.)

19. You don't feel "high" from your surroundings (Like, say, at big parties. Extroverts respond to their environments differently than introverts-they align with the energy, while introverts look for what and who they are in true alignment with).

20.You look at the big picture. (Introverts tend to be okay with details and facts, but can also engage abstract concepts, as well. Some extroverts are, again, in-the-moment types. What's happening in front of them is what's happening. Introverts tend to look for the undercurrents and dynamics.)

21.You've been told to "come out of your shell." (Introverts come out of their shells when they feel like it, thank you. But they keep their shells close by. Extroverts have shells, and sometimes they visit them.)

22.You're a writer. (Some introverts find it easier to communicate through writing; plus, all that time alone to think charges up their creativity. This doesn't mean extroverts don't write, but the ones that do likely have enough introvert in them to support this. Many extroverts would prefer to speak than write. The alone-time it takes to write might be too much for them. They may prefer to dictate their writings and have someone else type them up.)

23.You alternate between phases of work and solitude, and periods of social activity. (Too much activity can stress and tire an introvert. They know how much socializing, work, and downtime works for them. Some extroverts have to wear themselves out before they realize it's time, or past time, for downtime.)

We cannot all be the same, or some of us aren't needed. We need extroverts to enliven life and moments and stimulate the energy so it doesn't go stale. We need introverts to keep things real, to provide the bigger picture, and to calm things down. Life is like a musical composition: We need the notes (extroverts) and the rests between the notes (introverts). If a composition is all rests, there's no music. If it's all notes with no rests, there's no pause to breathe, and performers and listeners alike will pass out or gasp for air. To those of you who are extroverts, thank you for what you offer to the world and to introverts who benefit from "just enough" excitement from time to time. To those of you who are introverts, did you notice how many of the 23 are about being authentic? So if you were comparing yourself to extroverts, as I was, stop it. Both are authentic. Both are needed.

I think it's more important that you feel authentic than "appear" authentic to others so that you then perceive yourself as authentic. Authenticity comes from within, never from outside of you. Who are you comfortable being in your everyday life? Who are you--what is your true character or nature--when you face challenges? It's okay to be who you are and it's okay to discover who that is as life presents changes to and for you. It's okay to share as much of your authentic self with others as you feel comfortable with; but be sure to share it with yourself. Know thyself. Love thyself. It's a good practice, one you'll appreciate.

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4 Ways to Amplify Your Confidence

Lack of confidence can be a tough thing to contend with. It can prevent us going for what we want, make social interactions a challenge and leave us feeling lost, frustrated and stuck. There are things we can do to build our confidence though – it’s often not something that just comes naturally! Some things can be implemented in an instant whereas others take a little more time.

As an introvert, confidence (or lack of it) is something I have had to deal with in life. Though actually, even the most outgoing people can lack confidence in many ways too. Confidence is unique to every person, regardless of their personality. For me, it still unveils its face in some situations but here are 4 things that I have done (and still do) to overcome it.

What’s the worst that could happen?

Whenever I feel like my lack of confidence is stopping me taking a bold step or doing something I really want to do, I pull out the ‘what is the worst that could happen?‘ card. That gives me the exact perspective I need to do it anyway. And in all cases, the worst thing (which is never that bad!) never happens. In fact, I usually feel great at the fact I pushed past the fear. And then I remember that feeing for next time!


Big changes come from taking small steps.

If you lack confidence in an area, what little thing can you do to push yourself just slightly out of your comfort zone without completely overwhelming yourself? As an example, if you struggle with confidence socially around other people, challenge yourself every day for a week to smile at 3 people you don’t know. It doesn’t sound like a big deal but can give you a real confidence boost to know you have instigated that subtle interaction. Plus, you’ll likely make the days of 3 people!

Get good at what you want to be confident in.

Confidence when it comes to doing something well usually doesn’t come completely naturally. To anyone! Think about those people you know who are confident in their work. The chances are they’ve practiced or nurtured the skills they need to get really good at what they do. Or musicians or public speakers. They may have raw talent but endless hours will have been spent perfecting their craft so that they can get up and do their thing with absolute conviction and confidence. Even people who seem to ooze confidence socially have probably practiced it! So what practical steps can you take to get good at an area that you want more confidence in?


Don’t beat yourself up over it.

For me personally, this is the most important lesson I’ve learned. Ultimately it’s that inner confidence that provides the core foundation to then build upon. And that comes from self-acceptance. I spent most of my twenties in a battle with myself and my confidence as a consequence, was at an all time low. I couldn’t really see a way forward or find my confidence because I didn’t know who I was. I lost my passion for everything. After working through this, the natural confidence I have cultivated now really comes from just letting go. Letting go of fear of what people think, fear of failure, fear of fun, even! By taking care of myself, doing the things I love, going for what I want in my career, laughing, spending time with people who bring out the best in me and constantly pushing myself in a positive way to do more, with that has come self acceptance and confidence.

There are many situations in which we may have to ‘put on’ confidence and that’s normal. But really, the end goal I think, is having that true, authentic inner confidence. And that comes when you amp up the self-care, do things that make you feel on top of the world and not be afraid to let your true, fantastic and completely unique personality shine through.

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