How to Deal With Passive-Aggressive People?

The trouble with passive-aggression is that both the giver and the receiver often have no idea what's really going on. In other words, the person who's passive-aggressive (P-A) may know he hates conflict, may know he's feeling a little angry and may know he's covering it up. But he doesn't register how rancorous he really feels.

The person who's the object of the P-A's anger may never know what hit him because the rancor is well disguised. Consequently these incidents go largely unacknowledged for what they really are-hostility.

If you love a passive-aggressive person, you are probably making excuses for him on a regular basis. "Oh he can't help procrastinating, he's got so much on his plate." In truth, he procrastinates finishing the job you need to make you suffer. He never wanted to do it in the first place. Or, you defend his disturbing joke with something like this: "He's such a kidder." Really, the joke was not funny at all. Instead, it was thinly veiled hostility.

Identify hostile behavior.

There's that word again. Hostility. Once you realize the root of your loved one's passive-aggressive behavior is hostility, you can begin to deal with the problem. The first thing to do is stop making excuses for him. After all, he's really behaved in a hostile way toward you. And you've probably let him have his way without calling him on it. Perhaps for years. Now is the time to acknowledge that while the hostility is not overt, it's there, and maybe even more damaging than obvious anger. So what can you do?

Tell him the truth and consequences.

When a P-A is late and causes you to wait, or procrastinates, and puts your project in jeopardy, don't let him get away with it. Be open and honest enough to let him know that he's inconvenienced you. Repeatedly. Let him know that if he does this again you won't wait for him. Let him know that if he procrastinates you'll get someone else to partner with on your project. And then follow through and do it.

Call him on his dishonesty.

If your passive-aggressive mate tells you he supports your efforts to diet, and then fills the fridge with ice cream and cookies, you know one thing. He actually does not support your diet. Actions speak louder than words, and in this case, the P-A is not telling you the truth when he speaks. He is sabotaging you. You need to tell him so in an assertive and respectful way. You may not be able to change his behavior, but at least you have brought the issue out into the open.

When you confront a P-A with the truth about his behavior, you may also point out that it's often just as detrimental to him as it is to you. When he expresses his anger in an unhealthy way, sometimes it causes even more conflict-the one thing passive-aggressive people find so difficult to tolerate. When he sweeps an unpleasant issue under the rug, it really doesn't hide the problem-it only prolongs it. Being straightforward with him about his behavior can help you both.

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Are You Whole or Full of Holes?

In order to be in a healthy relationship, both people in the couple need to be whole and complete in themselves. Part of being a whole person is exploring the different things that interest you in addition to the things that keep you healthy. The other part of being a whole person is to be able to fill yourself up intrinsically. The thing that happens to many people is that they try to fill their holes externally.

In the movie Jerry Mcguire, there was a famous line, "You complete me." It was romantic and many people in the years that passed wanted to hear those words. The thing is no one else can complete you. She or he can compliment who you are. You can want to be a better you when you are with him/her but only you can complete you.

Here are 5 signs that you may be full of holes and looking outside of yourself to get them filled:

1. You say I love you not so much because you mean it but because you want to hear it back

2. You need constant reassurance or validation from your significant other for example: "Do you still love me"; "Are you ready to leave me yet". You ask not because it is a true question but because you need to hear the "yes".

3. You require your partner to read your mind, "if you loved me, you'd know what I want". Instead of directly asking for what you want or stating your needs

4. Getting angry when your expectations are not met when never actually letting your partner know what your expectations are.

5. Putting the needs and wants of your partner ahead of your own and forgetting that your needs are important.

Here are 5 ways to become more of a whole person and filling up from within:

1. Love yourself unconditionally so that you can love another.

2. Recognize when you accomplish something important to you and give yourself a pat on the back

3. Acknowledge how you are feeling and then take time to feel those feelings

4. Find something to be grateful about everyday.

5. When life hands you lemons, ask now what... the possibilities are endless - lemonade, lemon chicken, lemon pie... you get the idea.

Just remember that one of the most loving and romantic things that you can say to yourself is, "I complete me".

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FIND YOUR FREEDOM

“The unhappiest people in this world, are those who care the most about what other people think.” ― C. JoyBell C.

“If you don’t go to university you’re a loser!”

These words rang in my ears through high school. No, it wasn’t my supportive parents chirping these words, it was the teachers and principal at my private school in the 90’s.

Constantly hearing these words was like hiding one of the answers in a multiple choice question – it was limiting and made me think my future options were only the ones they were feeding me. I imagine the test would look something like this:

What do you want to do after high school?

a) Go to university (p.s. Great choice, you’re an instant success!)

b) Go to a private college (p.s. Are you sure? You’ll possibly become a loser)

c) Get a job (p.s. Are you ready for your loser tattoo yet?)

d) Explore the world before deciding what you want to do with your life (p.s. If you’re reading this you’re delusional because it isn’t an option on this test. Be warned – traveling, or taking time out, and not studying after school is a formula for dismal failure).

OK, back to reality…

As an obedient girl who disliked conflict, I did the obvious and enrolled in university after graduation. Having no clear idea what I wanted to do or contribute to the world wasn’t a consideration. You see, my high school teachers said that, if I didn’t know what to study at university, I should enroll in an Arts Degree, as that would help me find myself, my true passion.

Yeah right, the plan didn’t work. I lasted 2 weeks, 2 long, soul-destroying weeks.

“I hate this with a passion. How can I get out of it?” is what I used to think every day. Not having the guts to quit, I created my own private prison and was prepared to give up just about anything in return for the exit key.

As fate would have it, the key fell into my lap. At the end of my 2nd week of study, I fell ill with a mysterious, debilitating condition. This was bittersweet; it completely removed me from my work and social life, but it also gave me a viable reason to leave university without being labeled a ‘loser’ for quitting.

I unenrolled as quick as I possibly could.

I felt so free. Despite having no money coming in and being unable to visit friends, my sense of relief and freedom was immense. I wallowed in this state, trying to find a pill to fix my body, for more than a year.

After visiting countless doctors and natural therapists, I was beginning to feel better. Still slow and with a strong memory of hating uni, I allowed myself to realize that I had developed a strong interest in natural medicine. Tentatively, I explored my options and eventually enrolled in a private college to study naturopathy.

Remember, according to my school teachers this meant that I could never be highly successful in life, only mediocre at best.

Whatever.

I didn’t care. I’d had enough of listening to the opinions of teachers, principals and other so-called successful authority figures. My future was my business and I decided it was time to re-enter the world and focus on something that genuinely interested me.

It took me 5 ½ years to finish my naturopathic course. Most people do it in 3 or 4, but my health slowed the process significantly.

You know, I was actually pleased it took so long because it gave me time to discover what was genuinely important to me. Becoming a health practitioner is a big responsibility and I felt that taking the extra time was important (I was only in my early 20’s).

Fast-forward 10 years and I was loving my career. Educating others and helping them take responsibility for their health fed me on a deep level.

But then, an old feeling returned…

I realized I was unhappy. My old mantra of “I hate this. How can I get out of it?” was back. I guess it was listening to sad stories of struggle day in, day out that got me down.

Despite my proven ability to treat clients, I had developed intense anxiety that mainly reared its ugly head just before my appointments. I’d even try to barter with my colleague, asking her to see my clients in exchange for me doing some of her duties.

After 12 months of anxiety and bartering, I knew I had to make a change; but, I was still resisting making the final leap, just like I did with university.

What happened next?

Fate stepped in (again) and gave me my out. One night, I fractured my heel and tore ligaments from my toe through to my ankle. It was pretty bad and the pain was intense.

However… this was my exit key.

I happily called work for the next week telling them I couldn’t walk and was unable to come in. At this stage, I was so content not going to work that I hadn’t even considered going to the doctor to see what was wrong, nor had I got crutches to help me move.

Yes, I was hopping on 1 leg around my house (up and down stairs) for a week before I decided to do any investigations.

After I got the results, I milked it with work for another week. During this time away, I realized how plausible it was to leave – to quit the career I had worked so hard to create. I realized the feeling of leaving, with no job to go to and an impaired ability to walk, was far more enticing than the prospect of earning a steady income and dreading seeing clients.

The day I quit that job – and career – was just as freeing as unenrolling from university. Oh, it felt sooooooooo good!

But, reality set in just a few days later.

Having no income, no job prospects and little ability to walk had left me with no option but to make a change. After 9 months, my foot totally recovered and I was ready to make my move.

So, where am I now?

Much to the dismay of my high school teachers, I have a highly successful career that requires no university degree. It’s a creative job that demands passion, innovation and an ability to think on the run.

My husband and I run a film production house and we’re happier – and healthier – than ever before. Around the same time, we both made the decision to change our careers (he was a factory worker), and now, after years of learning, training and on the job experience, we run a successful business and work with organizations around the world.

This truly is what freedom feels like.

So, what have I learned?

Well, it’s obvious to me that life can be amazing even if you don’t have a university qualification. What’s most important is that you listen to the little voice inside that’s telling you on a daily basis if you’re moving towards, or from, something that makes you happy. If you use this as your barometer for success, not the words of you high school teachers, you’re on the path to true health, happiness, and satisfaction.

What’s your little voice saying?

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The Top Six Ways to Stay Motivated

I receive many emails from people that basically ask the same question: How can I keep myself motivated long term? This seems to be quite a common dilemma for many people so I want to address it because it can be done! Here are my tips for staying motivated:

Get motivated every day.

Zig Ziglar was once confronted about being a "motivational speaker." The guy said to him, "You guys come and get people hyped up and then you leave and the motivation goes away. It doesn't last, and then you have to get motivated again." Zig reminded the gentleman that baths are the same way but we think it is a good idea to take a bath every day!

It is true that motivation doesn't last.

We have to renew it each and every day. That is okay. It doesn't make motivation a bad thing. We simply have to realize that if we want to stay motivated over the long term, it is something we will have to apply to ourselves each and every day.

Have a vision for your life.

The root word of motivation is "motive." The definition of motive is, 

"A reason to act." This is the cognitive or rational side of motivation. It is your vision. You have to have a vision that is big enough to motivate you. If you are making $50,000 a year, it isn't going to motivate you to set your goal at $52,000 a year. You just won't get motivated for that because the reward isn't enough. Maybe $70,000 a year would work for you. Set out a vision and a strategy for getting there. Have a plan and work the plan.

Fuel your passion.

Much of motivation is emotional. I don't know quite how it works but I do know THAT it works. Emotion is a powerful force in getting us going. Passion is an emotion, so fuel your passion. "Well, I like to work on logic," you may say. Great, now work on your passion. Set yourself on a course to have a consuming desire for your goal, whatever it is. Do whatever you can to feel the emotion and use it to your advantage!

Work hard enough to get results.

You can build on your motivation by getting results. The harder you work, the more results you will get and the more results you get, the more you will be motivated to get more. These things all build on one another. If you want to lose weight, then lose the first few pounds. When the belt moves to the next notch you will get fired up to get it to the notch beyond that!

Put good materials into your mind.

I can't say this enough - listen to downloads. I still listen to downloads regularly. 

Their successes motivate me to get my own successes! Read good books. Read books that teach you new ideas and skills. Read books that tell the stories of successful people. Buy them, read them, and get motivated! Buy great music and listen to it. I just did a spinning class at the club today. Whenever a good song came on I was actually able to get motivated to ride faster! It gets you going and motivates you!

Ride the momentum when it comes.

Sometimes you will just be clicking and sometimes you won't. That is okay. It is the cycle of life. When you aren't clicking, plug away. When you are clicking, pour it on because momentum will help you get larger gains in a shorter period of time with less energy. That is the momentum Equation! When you are feeling good about how your work is going, ride the momentum and get as much out of it as you can!

These are the top six ways to stay motivated:

Get motivated every day.

Have a vision for your life.

Fuel your passion.

Work hard enough to get results.

Put good materials into your mind.

Ride the momentum when it comes.

These are simple principles, that when you put them to work regularly, will change your life by keeping you motivated all the time! Get going!

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Moving Beyond Your Comfort Zone

Many professionals have attained a high level of competence in their particular fields. They have learned a lot in their careers and they have a good sense of what works and what doesn't. Some individuals have become so good at what they do that they can successfully perform their jobs "with their eyes closed." These people are operating within their comfort zones.

While operating within your comfort zone is safe, it does not give you the opportunity to grow in your career. You may be good at what you do, but if you continue to do things in the same way, your job may have a tendency to be boring. It may no longer offer you a challenge. Only by trying new things can you get your creative juices flowing and experience the thrill of reaching new heights of achievement.

Trying new things does entail some risks. When you try something new you may experience a sense of discomfort. This comes from not being completely sure of what will lead to success. You will also very likely make mistakes along the way -- sometimes many mistakes. However, most of us don't like to make mistakes. We may be concerned about reactions from others. When we have achieved a level of competence in our jobs, we enjoy admiration from others. But as we make mistakes during the process of learning something new, we run the risk of looking foolish to others and feeling embarrassed.

The way to deal with this inevitable part of the learning process is to look at mistakes as feedback. They are letting you know when you need to use a different strategy to accomplish something. They are learning guideposts, which let you know what you should continue doing and what you should change. Extraordinarily successful people in every field have made lots of mistakes -- that's how they became extraordinary. And if someone is "kind enough" to bring to your attention that you've made a mistake say, "I know. Isn't it great? Now I don't have to do it again." It will totally change that individual's reaction to the situation.

Trying new things does offer wonderful payoffs. When you try something new and you persist at it, you usually become very good at it. In addition to having acquired a new skill, you can then experience the exhilaration of having faced a challenge and succeeding.

So make a commitment to move beyond your comfort zone. Only by doing so can you move closer to becoming the best you can possibly be.

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7 Keys to Unlock Your Potential - Now!

The difference between who you currently are and who you want to be in life comes down, at least initially, to your mindset in life.

Initially, this mindset is what kick starts you in the morning and all during the day.

You eventually become what you think you are!

The internal conversations that you are continuously having with yourself every moment of every day will become the driving force on who you actually end up becoming in life.

It is the driving factor behind every success and failure in life.

Below are 7 magical mystical keys that will help unlock your potential and guide you on the path to where you want to be.

1. Goal Setting

Don't settle for anything less than the best outcome here. Set your goals HIGH and don't stop until you reach them. Knowing what the final outcome is will motivate you and also allow you to track how far you've come.

2. Self Trust.

Being successful, no matter how you define success, is having the belief in yourself and your capabilities. Success is created by YOU. Expel the negative thoughts and voices regardless of the current situation. You alone can determine your worth and value. Believe, believe and Believe!

3. Patience

Sometimes moving forwards on something actually takes patience. This should not be taken as being the same as standing still. Standing still and procrastination will not get you any further along the road than where you currently stand.

4. Focus.

This is one of the hard ones. It's actually very easy to be focused when you first begin something new. Keeping that razor sharp focus takes discipline.

Discipline and focus are the middle layers to get you from where you currently stand to where you want to be.

5. Courage!

Another tough one. Fear has a nasty habit of showing its ugly face when you least expect it. Remember though, courage is not the absence of fear but rather acknowledgement of that fear and moving on regardless.

6. Positive!

I've written quite a few articles in the past regarding a positive mental outlook on life.

Set your mind to positive and expel the negativity from your life.

Remember the reasons that you want to do this and ensure that you keep these in mind. Print out a mood board, goal board or whatever other inspiration you require and look at it as many times as possible.

That's your goal - YOUR LIFE.

7. Learn and Adjust.

Not everything in your life will go as planned. Don't treat failure as anything other than another learning curve. Don't make that same mistake again and you will grow.

I hope these 7 points have at least a small impact on your life - in truth, I hope that they help you achieve everything that you actually want out of life.

It's YOUR life - LIVE IT!

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5 Truths About Self-Improvement and Toxic Friends

When you start to make positive changes and improve yourself, you expect your friends to be excited and happy for you. Nobody expects a close friendship to turn toxic, but unfortunately it happens. I can tell you firsthand that it's devastating when once close friendships crash and burn during a time that should be exciting for you. Toxic friendships don't always mean that your best friend is actively sabotaging you Mean Girls style, they can happen when you have simply grown apart and chosen different paths. Read my 5 truths about personal growth and toxic friendships and see if anything resonates with you.

Creating personal growth in your life won't sit well with some friends

If you are transforming your life with positive changes, whether it's gaining confidence in yourself, losing weight, maybe starting a new career, you're going to lose friends. Period. People who aren't comfortable with change will find your evolving life hard to swallow, maybe because it reminds them that they are stagnant in life, or maybe they aren't used to you standing up for yourself. Maybe your whole friendship was based on the negative behaviors that you kicked. Self improvement will expose the friends that don't have your best interests at heart. Be prepared to lose friends, for it to hurt a lot, and then to get over it and feel happy. Losing friends may not seem like it, but it can be a blessing in disguise.

A toxic friend is not necessarily a bad person

The thing about toxic friends is that sometimes they don't mean to be toxic at all and are generally pretty good people outside of your shaky friendship. Maybe they just are terrified of change, and can't understand your new perspective. Most toxic friends come in the form of people who aren't supportive of your successes, talk behind your back, or are judgmental of your goals. I'm talking about the friends who leave you feeling drained, negative, or down about yourself every time you see them.They aren't bad people but that doesn't change the fact that they are toxic to your personal growth. Take a good hard look at your friendships and notice who is trying to get you to go back to your bad habits, who cuts you off when you're sharing something you're proud of, who tells you you're not a good friend because you're not putting all your attention on them. Those are the kind of people you don't need.

Ending the friendship doesn't have to be dramatic.

I can look at my former group of friends with love and respect for the time we spent together, but at the same time know that they are toxic to my improved self. I don't spend my time gossiping, but I used to with them. I don't like to have shallow surface conversations all the time, but I used to with them. I don't spend my time complaining about the present while reminiscing about the past, but I used to with them.I chose to be positive, work towards the future instead of being stuck in the past, and stop making fun of people because it made me feel better about myself, and unfortunately that caused some awkwardness and distance in the friendship. People grow apart and choose different paths, and my path just didn't have room for their negative energy. I'm not saying to cut off friends who don't agree with you all the time or who have different goals than you, I'm saying it's important to have friends who are authentic. Ending a friendship doesn't have to be a big, dramatic fight. You could try to discuss how you're feeling with them if you're interested in saving the friendship; maybe they don't realize how they're affecting you and can shift their attitude. If that's not the case, you have two options: you can directly say you need some space, or slowly stop hanging out with them. Leaving it on a good note leaves room for re-connection if you feel they may grow in the future.

Leaving toxic friendships will free up your energy and time to spend on supportive relationships

Here's the hard part: even though they don't mean to be toxic, and are generally good people, they're still toxic and you have to move on. Leaving a friendship is just as hard as leaving a romantic relationship, especially if you still love and respect that friend. I had to do it, and it bothered me for the better part of a year. I asked myself the same things over and over "why don't my best friends understand me, why are they so caught up in trivial and negative things"? I lost sleep over it, cried about it, yelled about it, but in the end, I came to understand it was for the best. Now, I only spend my time with people who celebrate me, support me, and love me unconditionally, and who I celebrate, support and love. It's an amazing feeling to be surrounded by people I know only want the best for me. I'm happier, more confident, more fulfilled, more inspired! Great things come from dropping the toxic friends.

Never hide your positive progress because a friend isn't happy for you

Toxic friends have their own underlying issues that are causing them to act in an un-supportive way towards you, don't take it personally. It's an indicator that they aren't happy with themselves or their lives, so it's not you it's them. Just because people aren't happy about your amazing progress doesn't mean you should hide it. Shine bright like a diamond yo, you worked hard to manifest change in your life, don't let a few doubters dull your success. Surround yourself with friends who are proud of you and push you to do better. Assess your circle and only keep the awesome people around. Any friend who doesn't leave you feeling uplifted, supported, and happy doesn't need to be a friend, and life is too short to associate people who don't appreciate the beautiful soul that you are. Just know that you are not the only person to go through this. It may feel lonely now, but soon you'll find people who will appreciate who you are and who you're trying to be, and it won't feel forced or lonely. Always follow your intuition, if someone is constantly bringing you down, it may be time to reconsider the friendship.

Have you had any encounters with personal growth and toxic friendships? Tell me about it in the comments below! It would be AMAZING to hear your story!

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5 Mistakes 90% of People Make When Searching For Motivation

“Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.” – Lou Holtz

What is motivation?

Is the word being overused just a tad?

Whenever we’re not feeling motivated; we get up in the morning and things just aren’t clicking, we aren’t feeling the day ahead. We turn to motivational videos, speeches, articles and music to inject ourselves with that daily shot of motivation.

Much like coffee tends to act as a daily shot of energy for most people.

Every time we do this, there’s an underlying issue that’s not being reviewed. Every time we just wake up and try to inject ourselves with motivation, we’re forgetting some of the core principles of what it means to “be motivated.”



5 Mistakes People Make Searching for Motivation

This article highlights several mistakes that the majority of people will make when searching for that illusive dosage of motivation:


1. Forgetting that Love & Passion Drives Motivation

Let’s not forget the core reason for anybody ever being motivated to do anything in life. Love and passion. The passion you have for what you do in life will be the biggest source of motivation you ever come across.

This is what gives people the ability to wake up without alarm clocks.

It’s what gives them the ability to start work early, and finish work late.

They love it.

There will always be days where we just aren’t feeling it, but if you’re not waking up 6 out of 7 days a week with an unbelievable excitement to start your day, lack of passion is the problem.



So it doesn’t matter how many videos you watch, or articles you read, passion is always the biggest natural form of motivation.

Are you doing what you love every day?


2. Leaving Out Future Visualisations & Goals

After raw passion, comes future goals…

If you don’t have goals and visualisations for your future, then you’re probably not going to be all that thrilled about moving toward it.

You HAVE to have some sort of future goals that moves you. That really drives you to keep moving forward and progressing in that direction.

There’s two parts to this step:
Discovering and writing down your future goals for separate milestones; 6 months’ time, 12 months’ time, 3 years’ time & 5 years’ time.
Visualising what it’s going to be like when you achieve them. Where are you going to be? What are you going to be doing? Who’s going to be in your life?

Painting a vivid picture for exactly what you want is not only a powerful step in motivating you, but the precise definition will help you get there.


“LACK OF DIRECTION, NOT LACK OF TIME, IS THE PROBLEM. WE ALL HAVE TWENTY-FOUR HOUR DAYS.” – ZIG ZIGLAR


3. Not Tasting Your Dream Life

Visualisation is a powerful motivator. It allows you to search into your mind and see a rough picture of what your life would be like if you were to achieve your goals.

However, there’s one thing that tops it…

Which is actually experiencing what it would be like.

Once I’d decided I was interested in becoming a nomad (travelling from country to country without really being permanently based in just one), I decided to spend some time solo travelling.

I was already operating my business whilst I was moving from country to country, it just wasn’t making me a lot of money at the time, and I was living off savings.
What did this allow me to do?

It allowed me to live precisely how I’d be living if I were to achieve some of my goals in the near future. I was still working. The only difference was the money was coming from my savings, and it was only able to last 7 months.

Being able to experience your visualisations in real life before you actually achieve your goals isn’t always possible.

But if there’s a way, you can’t afford not to take advantage of it.

I had the time of my life experiencing the life I could be living, and that’s a seriously powerful thing.


4. Letting the Past Paralyze You
Your past shouldn’t paralyze you.

Many of us have unfortunate pasts, and experiences always differ for people, but it’s important to not let the experiences of your past continue you keep you down.

They should make you realize how far you’ve come from being the person you once were.

You should also be motivated to keep on pushing yourself so that you make sure you never relive that past.

Motivation from past experiences will always be different from person to person, but if you’re someone who’s struggled in one way or another in the past, don’t let it paralyze you.

Let it motivate you!


5. Disregarding the Obvious Lifestyle/Health Rituals

Those who have a powerful mind, start with feeding their body.


You know that the food we eat and the level of exercise we get plays a huge part in healthy brain function, not just body function?

I think a lot of people disregard that fact.

We forget just how powerful these things can benefit the way we feel, as well as the obvious physical bodily health benefits.

So if you wanted to feel motivated, treat your mind with the respect it deserves.

In the words of Brendan Meyers;


“IF YOU EAT RIGHT, YOU FEEL RIGHT, AND IF YOU FEEL RIGHT… YOU LOOK RIGHT! AND IF YOU LOOK RIGHT, YOU DO RIGHT, YOU DIG?”


Summary

You can listen to all the videos you want, you can read all the articles you want, people can encourage you as much as possible. However, unless you solve the underlying issues, the motivation won’t be everlasting.

Far too many people think they can get their daily motivation from all these external sources, whilst completely forgetting about passion, visualisation and goal setting.

Here’s a quick recap on the sources of motivation you SHOULD have in your life:
Love & passion
Future visualisation & goals
Getting a taste for the dream life
Past experiences
Lifestyle/health rituals
Are you one of the few people not making these mistakes? Leave a comment below.

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Amazing Benefits Of Being Optimistic

When it comes to the angle on how you perceive the world, studies have shown that being more optimistic can dramatically improve the quality of your life.

Optimism is simply looking at adversity in a positive light.

Taking the time to see things from a different perspective and shining a light on the positive can be extremely beneficial in all areas of your life.

Here are just a few ways on how being optimistic can help you in your daily routine:

Optimism promotes happiness.

It will help you keep your emotions in check.

Research into optimism shows it can actually increase your lifespan.

Being optimistic can reduce the level of stress you experience during unexpected events.

Optimism provides you with a stronger and more solid reason to live life.

Optimistic people are more proactive, rather than being reactive.

It provides you with an empowering way to handle failure in a constructive manner.

It is an essential trait that is common among successful people

It increases your productivity and creativity.

Optimism provides you with a way to deal with life in a balanced manner because it provides you the re-framing tools to deal with negative thoughts that inevitably pop up during the day.

These are just ten of the amazing benefits of being more optimistic.

There are many more attributes to taking a more positive approach to the things that life throws your way. People who tend to see the good in things rather than the bad are typically healthier as it improves both your psychological and physiological well-being.

When you are faced with adversity, the way that you approach the situation is extremely important.

Those who take a negative approach tend to live in a world that is "out to get them." These people often fail to see the bigger picture, which can have a negative impact on their life.

Those who face adversity with a positive attitude tend to have a happier life simply because they choose to see the light at the end of the tunnel. When life throws something at them, they look for the positives that can come out of it and move on towards a future that looks much brighter.

You will continually be challenged by difficult life circumstances, that is just a fact of life.

However, the next time you have negative thoughts, take a moment to think about how this negative experience could actually be a good thing. What's good can you gain here? What precious lessons can you learn from it?

Ask yourself power questions so that you take action and keep moving forward. This will benefit your entire well-being and help you experience a more fulfilling life.

Source

Steps to Building Self Confidence

Self confidence, as the words suggest, is your inner feeling that gives you the assurance that you can achieve your desired results with a greater sense of responsibility. It is a belief in yourself that you can take up responsibilities and challenges in your life.

In order to attain this, you need to recognise your potential and know your inner strengths. Look at your achievements in your life's journey. Identify what is important to you and where you want to go. Replace any negative thoughts in your mind with positiveness and commit yourself to face challenges.

In order to cultivate and develop such a positive self-image the following needs to be enhanced:

1.Goals and Vision - Set realistic goals. Be a visionary and dream your goals. Convert your dreams into plans and plans into action. Stay focussed and persist in your efforts. Divide your goals into sub-goals and keeping work on them and lead them to your final goal.

2.Interpersonal Relationships - Participate in social activities. Join social clubs or charitable organisations. Get involved with people as this will channel and renew your energy. Share your thoughts, view, hopes and aspirations with your near ones.

3.Communication Skills - Learn to interact with people using charm in your conversation. Recognising and complimenting others for their achievements will boost your desires to achieve similar results.

4.Knowledge - Enhance your knowledge by reading as much as possible on varied subjects. Newspapers, magazines provide lot of information and updates. Watch appropriate channels and programs on television to broaden your knowledge. This will give you confidence when you meet people, make presentations etc.

It is worthwhile that whenever you achieve something, take pride in your achievements. Congratulate yourself. It will boost your morale. Reflect on your successes and consolidate your confidence.

A good way of doing this is to display in your house any certificates or awards you have won in the past as this will motivate you to win more laurels. Keep appreciating these small achievements for enhancing your positive attitudes and inner strength.

One must however be also ready to face setbacks as these are only challenges that occasionally stand between you and your goals. Persistence is the key to success. Analyse the situation and take corrective steps. Do everything possible to bounce back with much more vigor till desired results are obtained.

Self confidence is all about you and your goals. You can only draw inspiration from other sources, but action is what you have to take. Action in the right direction. When you are self confident, you do what you believe to be right even if others mock or criticize you. You take risks and go the extra mile to achieve better things.

Source: 

Do Days Just Come and Go or Do You Have a Life-Plan?

How easy is it to bounce from one event or disaster in your life to another with no life-plan, expectancy or goal? Just drifting with the wind, no plan or aim; feeling there is no use trying to change anything, or it's too much trouble; you couldn't achieve anything anyway.

You can change your life if you take control. Decide on your dreams and find a path to follow that will lead you there. Deciding what you actually want from life is probably the hardest part.

If you want something badly enough you will find a way, or maybe you don't want it enough! Think of the millionaires from humble beginnings or the immigrants from poor countries that gain an education somehow, or swim miles to escape terrorism.

Even if you don't achieve quite as much as you as your aim you will be a lot nearer with a goal to work towards than drifting with the wind.

How many years have you been on planet earth? What have you achieved? Make a list of 30 things you have achieved. They can be simple things, you have learned to walk and talk, what books have you read, do you have a job, have you learned to drive etc.?

So what else would you like to achieve in the next 10 years? What is your bucket list of things you would like to do before you die? Could you do these in the next 10 years?

Make a plan of where you want your life to head, what is your ultimate goal? What steps do you need to take to get there? Think of your plan as you would a great holiday. What is your destination, how will you raise the funds, when will it take place, who will be your companions on your journey?

Plan your life and live your plan, experience the feeling of achievement as you reach each milestone.

If you want a partner to share your life, you need to join clubs, an agency or get out there and meet the kind of people you are attracted to. Don't just wish take action. If you want to learn to paint or dance or learn a new trade take lessons. Don't just dream, make a plan and achieve it.

If you want your own business start a hobby business in your spare time, it can bring extra cash as it grows. Whatever your dream is make it happen, the first tentative steps are the hardest. Once you start taking action the momentum, excitement satisfaction and challenges will keep you interested and keep you rolling towards your goal.

I would like to wish you success and happiness in your new ventures. Congratulations on taking your first steps, you are one of the few - many people wish and grumble all their lives until with regret it is too late.

Source

10 Reasons to Chase Your Passion & Not the Money

We’ve all been in that situation…

We had to decide between whether or not to chase something that makes more money, or something that we are more interested in.

So what do we do?

Answering this question is not easy. It may seem easy because everyone around you is telling you to follow your passion. But in reality, it’s much tougher because some part of you still think you will be happier with the money.

10 Reasons to Chase Your Passion

Today I want to share with you 10 solid reasons, which I learnt from successful people, on why you should chase your passion. Not the money.


1. Becoming really good at what you’re interested in can bring you even more money, even if you think it can’t

Now, I’m not one of those spiritual gurus who will tell you that you can make infinite money from any skill or passion or interest you can think of. If it was that easy everyone would already be doing it.

What I am saying is simply that if you can become really good at what you do you can make a lot of money doing it. If there is market demand for your skill. Of course, some interests are very tough to turn into money.


VERY FEW PEOPLE, IF ANY, WILL PAY TO WATCH YOU SIT ON A COUCH AND WATCH TV.


But one thing I can tell you is that you probably underestimated how many skills can be turned into passions. For example, most people do not think that you can make a decent living let alone a great living off a topic like spirituality.

But when you dive into the subject, you find people like Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer who have made a lot of money off that exact topic.

2. Money can act as a crutch you depend on

There are tons of successful wealthy people who depend on money to validate their existence.


Some of them use money to show off to others. Some of them use it to show their superiority. And Some of them buy all these expensive things just because culture has told them that this is what success is.


THE PROBLEM IS THAT DEEP DOWN THEY STILL FEEL UNHAPPY AND UNFULFILLED. I HEAR STORIES ABOUT THIS ALMOST EVERYDAY WHEN I LISTEN TO PODCASTS OF SUCCESSFUL ENTREPRENEURS.


By first establishing a solid independent foundation where you do not have to depend on money, you can live freely once you have it. Otherwise your possessions end up owning you rather than the other way around.


3. Money can come and go

There are very few things in the world that we can really fully control.

As hinted at in the last point, if you do not have a solid foundation of internal love and independence, you leave yourself open to being dependent on factors of life you cannot control for your happiness.

And when you leave your life up to a couple of factors that can change in a moment’s notice, they sometimes do change.

Sometimes it can seem like you have a rock solid business or career that is generating a lot of money for you. But all the same, one day, you lose that money because that career or business meets unexpected obstacles.

If you can find internal passion, you can still find love and joy and delight at what you do regardless of if you are broke, middle-income, or rich.

4. Money will not bring you as much happiness as you think

In the past, any advice on what brings happiness was purely based on opinion.

And the problem with opinion is that you don’t know if it’s actually fact or not. Nowadays, there has been extensive scientific studies done on the science of happiness. We have definitive evidence on what brings happiness and what does not.


SCIENCE HAS SHOWN THE AMOUNT OF EXTRA LONG-TERM HAPPINESS, AS YOU’RE INCREASING HOW MUCH YOU EARN, RAPIDLY DIMINISHES AFTER YOU HIT A MODEST FIRST WORLD MIDDLE-INCOME.


The craziest part about modern society is that 99% of people still case excessive money. Based on a false belief that it will give them a huge long-lasting boost in happiness. save yourself some time.


5. If you start with money, you can end up miserable

This is a simple but often overlooked fact. Many people chase, and chase, and chase the money until they get a lot of it. But then they look around and they find themselves in a career or business that they cannot get out of and no time to spend that money.

The worst part?

They absolutely hate every single second that they spend working because they found themselves in an industry that they hate.

I don’t know about you, but I do not think success is working 10 to 12 hour days at a job that you hate to make excessive amounts of money that you don’t even have the time to spend or enjoy.

6. By chasing money first, you can end up in a cycle of constant never-ending chasing
Many people who chase money first end up in an addictive cycle of chasing more and more, even once they hit their financial goals. They quickly get used to the money that they achieved and it’s never enough.

The scientific term for this process, taking the money we have for granted, is called the hedonic treadmill.

Now, notice how I said “many.”

Some people are smarter than that. Some people who chase money first quickly realize that money shouldn’t be their main goal. And so they start sculpting their career into one that follows passion as well.

Others eventually learn that this cycle is not the right way and they turn to passion, purpose and fulfilment.


YOU CAN GET A HEAD-START BY STARTING WITH PASSION AND PURPOSE TO BEGIN WITH. I’M NOT SAYING THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER TAKE ANY MONEY.


Money is good. I am simply saying that while you are reaching and moving towards higher and higher goals, you should always have a sense of independent fulfilment, that doesn’t depend on more money for your levels of happiness.


7. Status, Validation and Ego end up being meaningless

Countless successful people strive their entire lives for awards, medals, and achievements.

Some of it is healthy. These are people who want to break the mold, who want to break records that have never been achieved, or even change the entire industry in a way that no one has ever seen before.

But others do what they do for internal validation or unhealthy psychological reasons. Many successful entrepreneurs made all their money simply because they were never validated or proved as a child. This can lead to an unhealthy, unfeeling desire that never ends.

The biggest reason why spending too much time chasing your self validation is that you will die one day. There are plenty of people who have all these awards and accomplishments at their deathbed but they still feel unfulfilled when they die and no one really loves them.

I really like the billionaire Warren Buffett’s philosophy on this topic because he believes that he would rather sacrifice making more money so that the people that he wants to love him actually love him.

He came to this conclusion after seeing a lot of rich people he knew who had all these monuments named after them yet no one that they wanted to love them actually love them. Everyone was simply there at the funeral to see if they can get any money.

8. Money gets old

It’s very tough for someone who never had much money to really understand the idea of money gets old.

But one way of relating, is to think of something that you really used to love or look forward to as a child that you now have and you have gotten used to and taken for granted.

This could be your clothes, the food that you can buy, or just the privileges you have. for me, it is the indoor plumbing and access to ice cream that I did not have as a child frequently that I now have all the time.

In a similar way, a lot of wealthy people have admitted that their expensive toys get old.

Many of them sell businesses that they are passionate about to play on the golf course every day. But after a couple months or years playing at the golf course, they get bored and end up returning to business.

Especially when you are young, having a lot of money and no passion can lead to a lot of boredom. Many people who stumble upon a lot of money end up quickly losing that spark within a couple years.

They should realize that they have losing that spark within a couple years. They should realize that they have Decades of their life ahead of them and not much else to spend their money on decades of your life ahead of them and not much else to spend their money on.


9. With a passion, you have something that is with you no matter where you go

Passion stays with you.

No matter how tough your day is or if you have a lot of money, you always know that your day will mostly be filled with enjoyment because you love what you do.

On the other hand, if you only have money, you don’t know how the rest of your day will turn out. In fact, your day could be completely horrible most of the time because you are at a job that you absolutely hate going to and every moment is driving you insane.


10. A passion is like wine. It gets better with age (unlike money)

Many people get more and more interested in their craft as they progressed and become Masters at their craft. They end up being able to do more interesting sophisticated and pool things as they get older and have more years of practice under their belt.


EVERY YEAR BECOMES MORE AND MORE EXCITING AS THEY CAN TRY OUT NEW THINGS. DO MORE INTRICATE AND COMPLEX THINGS. AND GET GREATER RESULTS BECAUSE THEY’RE BUILDING SKILLS.


Money, on the other hand, gets old. The older you get, the less utility it has for you. Maybe you wanted to travel the world when you were young. But now that you’re old, your body cannot handle travelling. And your eyes are too weak to really experience the sites.

A lot of the cool experiences you wish you had dulled with age. Or they just become less of a priority or less enjoyable.

Warren Buffett calls this saving up sex for old age. You can still have a lot of fun when you are old but it’s also important to realize that many things were meant to be enjoyed young.


Conclusion

Money is important. I’m not saying to give up on making money. I’m actually saying that you should have it all if you want it. If you want to do it right though, you should start with finding out what is your passion and your purpose.


IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE YOUR END-ALL-BE-ALL GRAND ANSWER. JUST START MOVING TOWARDS IT OR TESTING DIFFERENT THINGS OUT.


By starting with your passion and purpose, your happiness will naturally rise and stay there based on science. And you will have a solid foundation to continue living your life and improving it to make more money.

This leave you with a castle built with a solid foundation. Instead of one built on sand pillars that easily crumble.

Unfortunately, most people build their castles on sand by chasing the money first. They ending up quitting a highly profitable job or business, because they cannot take the lack of interest anymore.


Wrapping up

Now, I have a question for you:
What’s the number one reason that really impacted you on this list?

Let me know in the comments below and let me know why it help you so much. your import could really help another reader make the breakthrough that they have been seeking.

Source

10 Reasons to Chase Your Passion & Not the Money

We’ve all been in that situation…

We had to decide between whether or not to chase something that makes more money, or something that we are more interested in.

So what do we do?

Answering this question is not easy. It may seem easy because everyone around you is telling you to follow your passion. But in reality, it’s much tougher because some part of you still think you will be happier with the money.


10 Reasons to Chase Your Passion

Today I want to share with you 10 solid reasons, which I learnt from successful people, on why you should chase your passion. Not the money.


1. Becoming really good at what you’re interested in can bring you even more money, even if you think it can’t

Now, I’m not one of those spiritual gurus who will tell you that you can make infinite money from any skill or passion or interest you can think of. If it was that easy everyone would already be doing it.

What I am saying is simply that if you can become really good at what you do you can make a lot of money doing it. If there is market demand for your skill. Of course, some interests are very tough to turn into money.

VERY FEW PEOPLE, IF ANY, WILL PAY TO WATCH YOU SIT ON A COUCH AND WATCH TV.

But one thing I can tell you is that you probably underestimated how many skills can be turned into passions. For example, most people do not think that you can make a decent living let alone a great living off a topic like spirituality.

But when you dive into the subject, you find people like Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer who have made a lot of money off that exact topic.


2. Money can act as a crutch you depend on

There are tons of successful wealthy people who depend on money to validate their existence.


Some of them use money to show off to others. Some of them use it to show their superiority. And Some of them buy all these expensive things just because culture has told them that this is what success is.

THE PROBLEM IS THAT DEEP DOWN THEY STILL FEEL UNHAPPY AND UNFULFILLED. I HEAR STORIES ABOUT THIS ALMOST EVERYDAY WHEN I LISTEN TO PODCASTS OF SUCCESSFUL ENTREPRENEURS.

By first establishing a solid independent foundation where you do not have to depend on money, you can live freely once you have it. Otherwise your possessions end up owning you rather than the other way around.

3. Money can come and go

There are very few things in the world that we can really fully control.

As hinted at in the last point, if you do not have a solid foundation of internal love and independence, you leave yourself open to being dependent on factors of life you cannot control for your happiness.

And when you leave your life up to a couple of factors that can change in a moment’s notice, they sometimes do change.

Sometimes it can seem like you have a rock solid business or career that is generating a lot of money for you. But all the same, one day, you lose that money because that career or business meets unexpected obstacles.

If you can find internal passion, you can still find love and joy and delight at what you do regardless of if you are broke, middle-income, or rich.

4. Money will not bring you as much happiness as you think

In the past, any advice on what brings happiness was purely based on opinion.

And the problem with opinion is that you don’t know if it’s actually fact or not. Nowadays, there has been extensive scientific studies done on the science of happiness. We have definitive evidence on what brings happiness and what does not.

SCIENCE HAS SHOWN THE AMOUNT OF EXTRA LONG-TERM HAPPINESS, AS YOU’RE INCREASING HOW MUCH YOU EARN, RAPIDLY DIMINISHES AFTER YOU HIT A MODEST FIRST WORLD MIDDLE-INCOME.

The craziest part about modern society is that 99% of people still case excessive money. Based on a false belief that it will give them a huge long-lasting boost in happiness. save yourself some time.


5. If you start with money, you can end up miserable

This is a simple but often overlooked fact. Many people chase, and chase, and chase the money until they get a lot of it. But then they look around and they find themselves in a career or business that they cannot get out of and no time to spend that money.

The worst part?

They absolutely hate every single second that they spend working because they found themselves in an industry that they hate.

I don’t know about you, but I do not think success is working 10 to 12 hour days at a job that you hate to make excessive amounts of money that you don’t even have the time to spend or enjoy.


6. By chasing money first, you can end up in a cycle of constant never-ending chasing

Many people who chase money first end up in an addictive cycle of chasing more and more, even once they hit their financial goals. They quickly get used to the money that they achieved and it’s never enough.

The scientific term for this process, taking the money we have for granted, is called the hedonic treadmill.

Now, notice how I said “many.”

Some people are smarter than that. Some people who chase money first quickly realise that money shouldn’t be their main goal. And so they start sculpting their career into one that follows passion as well.

Others eventually learn that this cycle is not the right way and they turn to passion, purpose and fulfilment.

YOU CAN GET A HEAD-START BY STARTING WITH PASSION AND PURPOSE TO BEGIN WITH. I’M NOT SAYING THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER TAKE ANY MONEY.

Money is good. I am simply saying that while you are reaching and moving towards higher and higher goals, you should always have a sense of independent fulfilment, that doesn’t depend on more money for your levels of happiness.

7. Status, Validation and Ego end up being meaningless

Countless successful people strive their entire lives for awards, medals, and achievements.

Some of it is healthy. These are people who want to break the mold, who want to break records that have never been achieved, or even change the entire industry in a way that no one has ever seen before.

But others do what they do for internal validation or unhealthy psychological reasons. Many successful entrepreneurs made all their money simply because they were never validated or proved as a child. This can lead to an unhealthy, unfeeling desire that never ends.

The biggest reason why spending too much time chasing your self validation is that you will die one day. There are plenty of people who have all these awards and accomplishments at their deathbed but they still feel unfulfilled when they die and no one really loves them.

I really like the billionaire Warren Buffett’s philosophy on this topic because he believes that he would rather sacrifice making more money so that the people that he wants to love him actually love him.

He came to this conclusion after seeing a lot of rich people he knew who had all these monuments named after them yet no one that they wanted to love them actually love them. Everyone was simply there at the funeral to see if they can get any money.

8. Money gets old

It’s very tough for someone who never had much money to really understand the idea of money gets old.

But one way of relating, is to think of something that you really used to love or look forward to as a child that you now have and you have gotten used to and taken for granted.

This could be your clothes, the food that you can buy, or just the privileges you have. for me, it is the indoor plumbing and access to ice cream that I did not have as a child frequently that I now have all the time.

In a similar way, a lot of wealthy people have admitted that their expensive toys get old.

Many of them sell businesses that they are passionate about to play on the golf course every day. But after a couple months or years playing at the golf course, they get bored and end up returning to business.

Especially when you are young, having a lot of money and no passion can lead to a lot of boredom. Many people who stumble upon a lot of money end up quickly losing that spark within a couple years.

They should realise that they have losing that spark within a couple years. They should realise that they have Decades of their life ahead of them and not much else to spend their money on decades of your life ahead of them and not much else to spend their money on.


9. With a passion, you have something that is with you no matter where you go

Passion stays with you.

No matter how tough your day is or if you have a lot of money, you always know that your day will mostly be filled with enjoyment because you love what you do.

On the other hand, if you only have money, you don’t know how the rest of your day will turn out. In fact, your day could be completely horrible most of the time because you are at a job that you absolutely hate going to and every moment is driving you insane.


10. A passion is like wine. It gets better with age (unlike money)

Many people get more and more interested in their craft as they progressed and become Masters at their craft. They end up being able to do more interesting sophisticated and pool things as they get older and have more years of practice under their belt.

EVERY YEAR BECOMES MORE AND MORE EXCITING AS THEY CAN TRY OUT NEW THINGS. DO MORE INTRICATE AND COMPLEX THINGS. AND GET GREATER RESULTS BECAUSE THEY’RE BUILDING SKILLS.

Money, on the other hand, gets old. The older you get, the less utility it has for you. Maybe you wanted to travel the world when you were young. But now that you’re old, your body cannot handle travelling. And your eyes are too weak to really experience the sites.

A lot of the cool experiences you wish you had dulled with age. Or they just become less of a priority or less enjoyable.

Warren Buffett calls this saving up sex for old age. You can still have a lot of fun when you are old but it’s also important to realise that many things were meant to be enjoyed young.


Conclusion
Money is important. I’m not saying to give up on making money. I’m actually saying that you should have it all if you want it. If you want to do it right though, you should start with finding out what is your passion and your purpose.

IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE YOUR END-ALL-BE-ALL GRAND ANSWER. JUST START MOVING TOWARDS IT OR TESTING DIFFERENT THINGS OUT.

By starting with your passion and purpose, your happiness will naturally rise and stay there based on science. And you will have a solid foundation to continue living your life and improving it to make more money.

This leave you with a castle built with a solid foundation. Instead of one built on sand pillars that easily crumble.

Unfortunately, most people build their castles on sand by chasing the money first. They ending up quitting a highly profitable job or business, because they cannot take the lack of interest anymore.


Wrapping up

Now, I have a question for you:
What’s the number one reason that really impacted you on this list?

Let me know in the comments below and let me know why it help you so much. your import could really help another reader make the breakthrough that they have been seeking.

How To Experience Happiness When Your Goal Seems Far Away

Your Journey through Life

Life, in its entirety is short, but looking ahead, the future seems so far away for some of us. In fact, for most of us, the hope of actually reaching that expected future decreases as we encounter different obstacles along the way.

You’ve been told to follow your passion. With this inner energy, you then break all bridges leading to your past or to things and people that’ll slow you down. And you launch forward, with all the strength and optimism you’ve got inside you.

But you do all this with one expectation in mind, “I can’t wait to truly become happy”. For some reason, you believe that it is only when you have attained that expected future that you can really live that happy lifestyle you’ve always wanted.

The truth is that happiness should not be a goal, but a lifestyle. Life is too short for you to want to attain happiness. You need to live it!

A trip isn’t interesting because of the destination, but because of the journey itself. Sometimes, if you get to your destination too fast, you miss out on all the fun the trip has to offer.

Here are three reasons you want to take your time, smell the roses and experience happiness all the way through your journey of life.


1. You’ll See Disappointment as Feedback

Failure and disappointment is simply feedback which tells you that you’re probably doing something wrong. But if you struggle through life with an unhappy mindset, failure will become a sign to stop whatever it is you’re doing and go back to your old life.

As a guy with a dominant Melancholy temperament, disappointment didn’t mean that I had to rethink or retrace my steps. I personalised failure, and as a result, regular depression was my interpretation of a “normal life”. It wasn’t until I discovered what I had passion for that I started to see hope at the end of the tunnel. But seeing it wasn’t enough.

On the road to success, failure is inevitable (the gurus have told us that multiple times). But your thought process determines just how you perceive that failure. Someone with a negative mindset would start to “see himself as a failure”, just as I did. Whereas having a positive mindset about life makes you see failure as a sign to “retrace your steps and re-strategize”.

Following your passion demands that you have the hope and happiness that comes with it. Why? This is because although you may not attain that dream as fast as you want it, the expectation of achievement is what then makes you happy. It is having that end goal in mind that helped me see disappointment as just mere diversions off course. This is how it should be.


2. Bumps in the Road Become Opportunities to Explore

“An opportunity is a gift, but it often comes in ugly wrappers called disappointments”

Imagine this scenario:

“You and your friends decide to cross the border to Mexico, so you get on the bus. Halfway through the trip, one of the tyres at the front of the bus goes flat. After a successful manoeuvre to the side of the road, all heads turn to the driver and he says, ‘Sorry, you’ll have to stay here and wait a while. I was hoping this wouldn’t happen because I don’t have a spare. I’ll have to walk back a few miles to town and get something. I’m so sorry.’”

Now that’s a major error! Three things can happen here:
You can gang up and beat up the driver to a pulp for his carelessness
Raise your voice at him until you develop a headache
Get out of the bus and use your enthusiasm and youthful energy to do something fun for the next few hours (don’t ask me what)

Beating up the driver is like breaking the bridge to your future, so that you never get there. Insulting him is like believing yourself to be a failure and allowing negative thoughts to weigh you down. Exploring friendship and doing something fun means your happiness on the inside is not determined by your attainment of certain external conditions, which at present, may not be favourable.


3. You Attain Your Passion with Quality Relationships

Whenever you go on a trip, you always meet someone new. And you can either make this person smile, or piss him off. Following your passion and pursuing your life goals is like the bus trip But at this point, would you prefer to come down the bus alone, without any friends, or would you prefer to say to someone, “Hey, since we’re here now, can you show me around? Let’s have some fun together”.

Having a bad attitude and approach towards life can cause you to repel everyone around you. In your own mind, you’re working towards attaining happiness at the end of the tunnel. But to the people around you, you’re just one unhappy person who thinks you can do it all on your own.

On the road to achieving your dreams, you need to find fulfilment at every step of the way. It’s this fulfilment that causes you to experience happiness. And regardless of your passion, fulfilment always comes when you’ve made the life of someone else better. It comes with the achievement of purpose.

So, is there any blueprint to continually staying happy? None that I know of (except for this model and this framework developed by Brendan). But here are a few things you should do.


1. Stop Taking Life Too Seriously

“Life waits for no man. So why wait to get pissed over what it gives to you?”

Being able to see disappointment as what they really are (mere diversions) has helped me see life as what it really is (an adventure to be explored).

For every time you wait to mull over some disappointment or mishap, the clock ticks away. And for every time you take an offence to heart for something done to you by a friend, a part of you feels sad, not happy.

I was once scolded by a friend for “taking things too seriously”. Being the kind of person I was, it was only normal to analyse situations and judge people based on my knowledge of them. But this kind of criticism made me see the imperfections in people and what life gave me in return was constant heartbreak; because neither man nor situation is perfect.

Life has a knack of handing over crap to us. You can choose to stand in one spot and complain about that crap, or you can shove it right back at life and move on with better things. Sooner or later, it’ll realise that you’re not the kind of person to mess with and will eventually give you what you deserve.


2. Focus on the Present with an Open Mind

“Anxiety gets you nowhere. It only gives you something to think about.”

With the future seeming so far off, it’s possible to get anxious along the way. Focusing too much on the future can make you take irrational steps in the present due to anxiety. While it is important to dream big, it is also necessary to think in small steps.

Being able to cherish short accomplishments at different times helped me change different beliefs I had about life. At one time, a short term goal of mine was to be able to “talk with a friend for 30 minutes without getting boring.” While this may sound awkward, I needed to achieve it, especially if I was going to talk with a group of people for hours and still keep them interested. This goal was hard for me on many occasions, but when I did achieve it, it left a mark- a positive mark.

Multiple short term goals lead to the ultimate long term goal. Every short term goal is an opportunity to experience happiness, as long as you have an open mind. Work towards each short term goal with an open mind that doesn’t see failure as a hindrance but as a red light that tells you to stop and rethink.


3. Stay Positive and Smile at Every Little Accomplishment

“Replenish your positive energy every step of the way because no one will do it for you.”

On your journey to success and complete freedom, you’ll need to stay positive all the way (I’m sure you knew that). Positive thinking is not optional. It’s like the background ingredient that makes everything work.

By accomplishing each specific short term goal, you become fulfilled, especially when it’s aligned with your purpose. And when this happens, learn to smile at yourself. Smiling not only gives you the pride of achievement, it also creates positive beliefs, such as the belief that “if I could achieve this goal, then I can achieve every other one”. And for years now, this has been a belief that has helped me build quality relationships. That’s positivity, fulfilment and the experience of happiness in one smile.


For the Comments

On the journey to fulfilling your dreams, what makes you happy? Do you believe that it’s possible to experience happiness even before attaining your desired goals in life? I’d love to know what you think.

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