Feelings Aren't Facts

Often there may be a distortion, be it big or small, regarding how we see ourselves, others, or our lives in general. This distortion, or as I call it, the story we tell ourselves, frequently leads to emotional pain, increased anxiety, and potentially depression. That is because feelings aren't facts.

The phrase, feelings aren't facts, is commonly used in 12-step programs, yet it is profoundly true for all of us. This phrase uses the term, feelings, in such a way that it is not about emotions such as sadness, grief or anger. Instead it refers to our beliefs, perceptions, interpretations and thoughts. It speaks to the ways in which we experience ourselves, or others, in a subjective way.

Perception is Reality

When we say, for example, "I don't feel good enough." How could this statement not create further unease? Although others in our world may perceive us as amazing, or more than good enough, it is what we tell ourselves, even if it is not a fact, that emotionally distresses us.

This may be further exacerbated by making comparisons based on our assumptions about other people. We may tell ourselves, "That woman has got it all together. Look at her. How come I don't?" This story may also not be a fact, yet because we believe it is, it may further exacerbate, or contribute, to the wearing away of our self-esteem.

Fact or Fiction

When we operate from a place of misconception, distortion, or fiction, then we walk through the world from this place. This can produce a distortion of ourselves, of other people in our lives, or the world in general. If we function from a place of fear, anxiety or anger our perception of reality can be tainted with negativity. These painful feelings, although triggered by non-facts, can still ultimately affect us.

Another person's comment may remind us of something that occurred in our history. Accusations and judgements that occurred in our childhood, or adolescence, that were not resolved may influence our interpretation of circumstances in our current lives. The other person, and even ourselves, may have no idea this unresolved issue has influenced our perception unless this interaction is explored or clarification is sought.

We Believe What We Perceive

Our internal process, or how we internally experience or interpret something, is often more about our history as opposed to what the other person may truly mean. The stories we tell ourselves about what the other person means may negatively affect the relationship.

Often we use the word feeling for what is not a feeling. For example, I feel that you are accusing me of lying. It is important to differentiate this thought from the feelings that are triggered by it.

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What Are You Searching For?

I have not yet met anyone in my world travels who didn't want a little more inner peace. And, I have never encountered anyone who would trade a little money to rid themselves of their stress and worries.

So, is this what each of us is secretly or overtly searching for? Well, to be truthful I'm not sure. People who say they want less stress continue to pursue wealth, fame, power, position and more stuff. People who say they want to be happy often seem to sabotage this goal with poor choices, bad judgment and emotional immaturity. And people who say they want more inner peace still harbor old emotional baggage, replay old slights and hurts and let other people control their behaviors, attitudes, emotions and even their thoughts.

If we are truly searching for any or all the items listed above one would have to wonder whether we are just giving lip service to these goals, desires and dreams or if we really want them but just don't seem to know where to find them, how to achieve them or how to keep them.

I too have been guilty. I am just like you in that I would like a little more happiness and a little less stress yet when it comes to doing what is necessary I often fall short.

Sure, I have read all the books, hundreds and hundreds of them, attended the seminars, had personal coaches, spent hours and even weeks setting and planning my personal goals and dreams and spent more hours than I can remember praying and meditating and yet, here I sit from time to time, still questioning whether all this reading, study and searching is worthwhile.

During my years of study, research and searching I have come to a few conclusions.

1) Many of the people who supposedly have it figured out, don't. 

2) Many of the people who preach and teach this stuff to others and get paid handsomely to do so, don't have a clue. 

3) Some of the people who you would least expect to have the answers often do. 

4) Even many of the religious fanatics, diehards or steadfast believers in God still struggle with the same issues, questions and challenges as those who have never set foot in a church or Synagogue or read the Bible.

Why is this? Are we doomed as a species to just search and never find or discover the true meaning of our life or as the title says, why we are we here?

Humans have been asking for centuries; why am I here, where am I going and what am I supposed to do with my life while I am here?

One could get easily discouraged and feeling a little sorry for themselves spending years contemplating simple questions like these.

Have you ever asked yourself any of these searching questions whether in times of doubt or discouragement or happiness and contentment? Success or failure? 

Do you have any answers yet, or are you like most of us, that you just keep on trudging ahead through life one day at a time just earning, spending, working and playing?

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Own Your Time

No matter whether you are in a locker room, boardroom, courtroom, fire station, classroom, on an assembly line, opera/ ballet rehearsal or concert, hospital operating room or in another setting, being in controls of your time matters!

Lesson one: Coach Wooden "Never be late": Own Your Time

Coach John Wooden, the winning-est coach in basketball always started and ended his practices on time. Coach always arrived early to practice to make sure everything was set up properly. Practice was for 2 to 2 ½ hours and Coach planned every minute of practice. His practice plans were reduced to a 3x5 cards and afterwards his assistant coach copied every practice session plan putting it in a notebook with all the other practice sessions to keep a record of it.

Coach Wooden did not waste time. He said, "I would privately review my notebook from the previous year's practice for that exact day, looking for clues as to what had been effective and what did not work as well. In fact I regularly reviewed notes from two or three years back-sometimes more." ("Wooden On leadership" by John Wooden & Steve Jamison)

His meetings with his assistant Coaches were timed too. He would also ask for their suggestions and try them out during practice. When their suggestions worked, they would be added for future practices!

Lesson two: Toastmasters Meeting Run on Time: Own your time

At Toastmasters they watch the time. Meetings begin and end on time. Every minute of the meeting is timed. Speeches are also timed! The first time I visited a Toastmasters Club they handed me an "Agenda" with the time the meeting was to start, how many minutes each portion of the meeting was to be, and what time the meeting would end. Toastmasters' is an organization that helps "members improve their communication, public speaking, and leadership skills." Toastmasters teaches you to "own your time". Visit a Toastmaster club near you to see a timed Toastmasters meeting.

Lesson three: Being on Time, Punctuality is the Key: Businesses have to run on time to stay in business. Employees are being paid to be good team members who are dependable, disciplined; experts in their field, and must arrive at work on time. They also have a positive attitude, a respect for others, and an appreciation for their time too! Businesses and employees own their time.

Tardy Employees Lose Money at a Business: You have heard the saying "Time is money". At a company I was asked to consult with, employees were arriving late to work and leaving early. These employees were cheating the company each day of money and time. Work was not being completed and other employees could not depend on these delinquent team members. Moral was not good, Companies can go under because of this employee negligent behavior. Managers at the company had done performance reviews of these tardy employees separately and had asked questions to try to correct the situation. It was not working.

I read an article by Zig Ziglar, a motivational expert and mentor to Dr. John Maxwell, of how he had helped a company with similar problems correct the situation by having them announce to their employees that they would be installing "time clocks". Zig Ziglar said after a month the new "time clocks" were working well and productivity, teamwork, and attitude had improved. After the time clocks were installed, Managers did evaluation reports on the tardy employees weekly, to make them accountable and charge their behavior.

Zig Ziglar "Changed the Picture": Own your time

Zig Ziglar had changed the picture at this company by helping them install time clocks in order for his employees to receive their paychecks. By doing this employees became productive, had an improved attitude, did better work, completed assignments on time, and became responsible and accountable for their time on the job.

After reading Zig Ziglar's article I suggested to the company I was assisting that they announce at a meeting that they were installing "time clocks" and each employee was to sign in and sign out each day. After the time clocks were in operation and the company employees had been signing in and out for a month the employees were more productive, had a positive attitude, and became more responsible and accountable for their work. Managers were also doing evaluation reports on the tardy employees weekly as a reminder to them.

Concerts and Rehearsal Begin and End On Time:

As a musician playing the violin and viola, I have played concerts with Frank Sinatra, Natalie Cole, Lou Rawls in concert and performed concerts as a soloist, with orchestra, playing in opera or ballet orchestras, and in chamber groups around the world. The timing in every piece is important. Concerts and rehearsals must begin and end on time. Each piece must be timed to the minute.

In fact as a musician I always arrive early to warm up and get ready before the rehearsal or concert begins. In running any business it is imperative that employees show up on time and leave on time each day. Time management is a must in every part of your life. Without managing your time there is no discipline. Own your time.

What one thing can you do to "own your time" every day?

Like Coach Wooden and Toastmasters, plan every minute of your workday and your family time in advance and put it on your schedule. Stick to your schedule and own your time.

Rabbi Harold Kushner and Senator Paul Tsongas said, "Nobody on their death bed has ever said, "I wish I had spent more time at the office." Let your legacy be that you spent quality-focused time with your family and made sure your business was successful too. Own your time!

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How Do We Know If We Can Trust Someone?

Many of us trust too easily only to discover that we were betrayed. Others of us don't trust at all. Trusting too quickly, or not trusting at all, usually says more about us than about the other person. Trust is not something that we want to automatically do when we meet someone. We also don't want to automatically mistrust someone either. Some of us experience an involuntary response to trust, or not to trust, and neither one of these extremes serve us well.

Trust is something that takes time. It's a process.

Trust is a process

When I say, trust is a process, it means that it takes time to get to know someone. If we enter a relationship at a slow and steady pace, we will discover more about who the other person's true self. We can then determine whether they can be trusted with our feelings, and our shared personal information, because our trust is the greatest gift we can give someone.

Finding the Balance

Some of us were betrayed early in life, and we don't trust easily because of that. Others so desperately want to be in a relationship, or a friendship, that we rush to trust someone to make that happen. We don't give ourselves the opportunity, and time, to get to know that person to determine if they are trustworthy, or not.

In adulthood, often not being able to trust a friend, or a potential romantic partner, may be because we have been betrayed in our childhood, adolescence, or at some time as an adult. The person desiring our trust may very well be trustworthy, however we may not be able to recognize this due to our history.

Our Past Relationships Reflected in The Present

One of the first big tasks of our lives is establishing trust versus mistrust. As a child, we develop a sense that our needs will be met, versus a sense that they won't. Our view of the world is often determined by how secure we feel that we can rely on others for our expectations to be met. If we have had good, consistent relationships in the past, we may assume as much from our current and future relationships, and trust too easily based upon this experience.

If our parents, or our experiences in past relationships, were inconsistent in meeting our needs, we may fear current and future relationships will respond the same way. We make ourselves vulnerable when we trust. Withholding our trust may be used as self-preservation to protect us from being hurt again. How can I trust myself from past mistakes?

It's Not You, It's Me

Sometimes it is challenging to differentiate to determine if we are not feeling trustworthy of someone else. Is it about them? Or is it about our own history? So many times, I have heard during psychotherapy sessions that, "My friend is talking about other people and I'm uncomfortable. I don't know if I ought to trust them or not."

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8 Harsh Reasons as to Why You’re Still Broke

Okay so you’re broke, perhaps in debt, and just really wanting to have a career that you love and can be proud of? One that will make you good money? Well then maybe this is for you.

We all want to make a lot of money, but for most people who have this common goal they struggle to ever get anywhere near where they want to be, and all it raises within them is doubt. Doubt of why it’s not happening for them but is for others. Here’s 8 reasons as to why you’re still broke.

1) You Give up too Easily

The first half a year, or year of starting a business, a website, a career or whatever it is you want to do is a test. You’ll be tested on your commitment and love to do what it is you’re doing.

Within this time you will experience struggles, and failure, but this is all part of the test and if you want to prove that you’re in this for the long run, and that you deserve to have the things you want, then you need to do what must be done to prove yourself worthy.


2) You’re Lacking Motivation

There are far too many people in this world that sit around saying “I wish I was rich”, “It’d be nice if we had a pay rise” and all the other garbage that they just expect to come to them. You don’t just wake up one day and find someone’s deposited a hundred grand into your bank account.

The wealthy people in this world aren’t wishing for things and just hoping they’ll come into some money. They’re the people who spend less time wishing and more time doing. If you really want something then you need to go out and put your heart and soul into it.

Don’t just think to yourself that someone kind will just come along and give you what you want.


3) You’re in Love With Your T.V
My dream car is a Lamborghini Murcielago, in a less common color like blue or green. It’s just one thing I’ve always had in my mind ever since I was younger playing the ‘Need for Speed’ games. Anyway, one day I was looking for the perfect one on Google images, as you do, and I found a quote that really spoke to me.

“Why haven’t you ever seen a Lamborghini commercial before? Because the people who can afford them aren’t sitting around watching T.V.” The truth is, if you’re sitting around watching T.V for most of the day or evening, then you’re basically watching what’s going on in other people’s lives instead of going out and creating a life of your own.

T.V is not real life. Turn it off and start living.


4) Sleep is Your Best Friend

If you really want to be rich and successful, but you’re still getting more than 8 hours of sleep, then you’re wasting valuable time. 6 to 7 hours sleep is perfectly fine, but if you’re not getting up early enough in the mornings you could be missing opportunities to make money or improve upon yourself.

When you go to sleep tonight, place your alarm clock next to your bedroom door and set it to go off an hour earlier than normal. When you get up to turn that annoying sound off, you’ll be up out of bed and facing your bedroom door.

All you have to do is walk out of the door, make yourself a cup of coffee and have an extra hour of working on yourself! Whatever it may be. The laziest thing you could do is to turn that alarm off, turn around and then get back into your bed.


5) You’ve Adopted Bad Habits

All that smoking, drinking, watching T.V, browsing Facebook and other crap you’ve been doing, isn’t going to have an amazing effect on your life. If you’re going to grow as a person, then some discipline needs to be gained in these areas, in order for you to have strength of body, mind and soul.

Kick the habits, and start trying to actually improve your life.


6) You Hang out With the Wrong Crowd

They say that you become just like the 5 people you spend the most time with. Which should make you question yourself whether you’re current friends are actually good for you. Sure they may be a great laugh, and that’s a good thing.

But do they have any dreams, goals or aspirations?


7) All Talk no Action

Are you familiar with a process where you have this amazing idea pop into your head, and instead of then proceeding to work on it, you start adding more thoughts onto the idea you already have.

At the end of your life, you end up with this incredible idea that you’ve thought through for so many years, but it’s useless because you have no time left to take action on it.

The wealthiest place in the world is the graveyard. It’s where so many ideas and inventions come to die. Champions don’t start out with a perfect idea. They start out with an idea and make it perfect through the hard work that they put in.


8) You Have no Plan

Having a plan isn’t exactly essential to become wealthy and successful, but if you’ve been broke up until now then perhaps you should think about creating one for yourself.

Where do you want to be in a few years time? Do you still want to be where you are or do you want to be in the job of your dreams, earning a great amount of money?

If it’s the latter, then you’ll need a plan of how you’re going to be able to get there. Do you know what you need to do to make this dream become a reality? Then write it down, and split it into small baby steps.

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Know Your Worth And Value

Self-respect may be the most valuable personal asset you have. Or should have.

For too many years I let my fear of punishment, or my concept of being a good sport or a professional, keep me from realizing my full potential. Too often I didn't follow the path I knew to be right because of some misunderstanding of my role in the situation.

My parents did the best they could in raising me and teaching me to be a wonderful human. I knew right from wrong. I knew how to be generous. I understood the importance of commitment and honor. I didn't know my self-worth.

When you know your self-worth you set boundaries with others, you do your best because you are deserving of quality, and you set boundaries for yourself so you live your fullest potential.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

Do you cancel your date when your boss asks you to stay late to work on a project that could probably be done tomorrow? Do you avoid applying for a new position because your present job department relies on you so much that you can't leave them in the lurch? Do you eat another helping of lasagna, or have another drink, when the hostess urges you to, even when you are too full to enjoy it, because you don't want to seem rude?

Those actions reflect your low level of self-esteem, your concept of self-worth.

You aren't a hero when you put others before yourself. You aren't doing anyone a favor when you put yourself last.

Years ago I had a neighbor who lived under the delusion she alone had to care for her ailing husband and Down Syndrome sister, regardless. One winter she caught a cold which wouldn't go away, but she didn't stop to tend to it. It turned to pneumonia, and she still pressed on - she had to, her family depended on her. A lot of good it did her husband and sister when she died out of a false sense of responsibility.

If that neighbor had truly known her self-worth she would have handled the situation differently so that she could heal and be around for her family for years to come. She could have gotten someone else to step in and help with her husband and sister. Her lack of knowing her self-worth contributed to her demise, and ultimately her husband's and sister's.

OK, maybe that's an extreme example. But, maybe it's not pointed enough. Are you killing yourself for others?

The more self-respect you have the more you can shine, the more you can do with your life, and the more you can give to the world. You give to the world one way or another, so take control and give it your best!

Knowing your worth impacts your confidence and energy, and that snowballs to impact your influence, productivity, and focus. With strong self-esteem you live a life of purpose and direction, you are a positive role model and make a positive contribution to the world, and you enjoy all that your life has to offer.

Possessing the valuable asset of self-respect, you make the world a better place, starting with yourself.

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How To Be Lucky And Create The Life Of Your Dreams

Have you ever thought that a person was just luckier than you or that great things always came to them? Do you think it’s possible to make your own luck? Learning how to be lucky is easier than you might think…

I am going to introduce you to seven of the most helpful ways to be lucky, all of which are learnable by you.

Each of these luck factors can be quickly incorporated into your life and can literally double your effectiveness and your results in a very short period of time.

Now you can truly create your own luck!

1) Clarity
The first of these factor in making your own luck is simply, “Clarity.”

Clarity simply means that you know exactly what it is you want and is perhaps the most important luck factor of all, at least at the beginning.

The more definite you are about what you want, the more alert and aware you will be of opportunities and possibilities to achieve it faster.
Become Absolutely Clear About What You Want

All successful people are absolutely clear about who they are and what they want, and what they need to do to get from wherever they are to wherever they want to go.

Unsuccessful, unhappy people, on the other hand, are usually quite fuzzy about what it is they stand for and believe in, and what it is they really want from their lives.

As the old saying goes,


“You can’t hit a target you can’t see.”

So-called “lucky” people seem to be very, very clear about their goals and the steps they will have to take to achieve them.
Write Down Everything You Want To Accomplish In The Next 12 Months


One of the simplest things you can do to change your luck is to simply take a piece of paper and write down a list of at least 10 things you want to accomplish in the next 12 months.

This doesn’t seem like a very complicated exercise, but less than 3% of adults will ever engage in this exercise in their lifetimes.

And this 3 % will end up at the top of every organization or company that they work with.

It has been said that success and prosperity begins with you, a pen, and a piece of paper.

97% of people walking around today have no written goals at all.

The very act of putting pen to paper and determining the 10 things that you want to accomplish over the next 12 months moves you immediately into the top 3% of people living today. All it takes it 3-5 minutes.
Think About What You Want And How To Get It

Here is an important part of how to be lucky…

Lucky people are those who, when they hear a good idea, they ask, “I wonder if it would work for me?”

Unlucky people, on the other hand, when they hear a good idea, like writing down 10 goals, always ask themselves, “I wonder whether it would do me any good?”

The difference between the lucky person and the unlucky person is that the luck person is always asking, “How?”

When the lucky person thinks of something that he or she wants, the lucky person always asks, “How can I achieve it or acquire it?”
Activate Your Brain


The attitude of always asking how seems to trigger both your subconscious and your super-conscious mind so that you are constantly seeing possibilities and getting insights that will help you achieve it.

But when you ask, “Whether,” you seem to shut down your creative capabilities.

In your brain is small finger-like organ called the “Reticular Cortex.”

This reticular cortex is like a telephone switchboard. It controls the messages that are allowed to hit your eyes, ears and other senses.

Since you are bombarded by hundreds and thousands of messages, from all sides, continually, this reticular cortex enables you to focus and concentrate on those elements in your environment that are relevant or important to you, and ignore the rest.

The reticular cortex is activated by a clear goal, command, desire or even a fear on your part.

For example, if you decide that you want to get a red sports car, and you are really excited about the possibility of a red sports car, you will start to notice red sports cars everywhere.

Even a red sports car turning the corner two or three blocks ahead of you will be picked up by your reticular cortex and broadcast to your conscious mind.
Are Successful People Just Luckier Than Others?

What we know about successful people is that they are continually thinking about the things that they really, really want, and as a result, they are commanding their reticular cortex to make them more sensitive and aware of opportunities and possibilities to achieve those goals.

Unsuccessful, or unlucky people, are always concluding that these goals are probably way out of their reach and they unwittingly send the signal to their reticular cortex’s not to pay any attention to ideas or opportunities that crop up in their environments.

One of the ways that successful people are described is, “He or she always seems to know exactly what he or she wants and is determined to get it.”

Unsuccessful people are described as people who have no idea what they really want.

The person with absolute clarity, this key luck factor, will seem to attract far more possibilities and opportunities than the person who has no idea.
Become Absolutely Clear About Your Goals

So, imagine that this luck factor is like a dimmer switch in darkened room where you are going to throw darts.

As you become absolutely clear about your goals and aspirations, the dimmer switch is turned on to full brightness and the dartboard becomes crystal clear in every detail.

Your likelihood of hitting a bullseye on such a dartboard is vastly greater than if you were throwing darts from a great distance in a darkened room.

2) Activity

The second luck factor is the factor of activity.

High levels of activity, especially pro-activity, increase the number of things that you do and thereby immediately increase the probability that you will do the right thing, at the right time, in the right way.

For example, if you won a prize once you had flipped 100 heads in coin-flipping contest, the very best way to assure that you won that prize would be to flip the coin the greatest number of times in the shortest time period.

And if you did, and you won the prize, it would not be a matter of luck at all. It would merely be a matter of the frequency that you attempted to flip heads.
Activity Begins With Self-Reliance

Activity begins with an attitude of self-reliance…

All high-performing men and women are both extremely action-oriented and extremely self-reliant. They look to themselves for the solutions to their problems.

They realize that no one is coming to the rescue.

When you see yourself as completely in charge of your own life, your own career, your own health, your own family and your own finances, you stop looking for others to do things for you.

You start making progress instead of making excuses.

You accept that you are where you are and what you are because of yourself.

If you want to be or do something different, it is up to you to make the necessary changes, starting immediately.

If you want to be luckier, develop a bias for action. Develop a sense of urgency. Take action. Get on with it. Move fast.

The faster you move, the more energy you have. The faster you move, the more experience you gain and the better you get.

The faster you move, the more results you accomplish and the more successful you will be.

3) Mastery


Another great way to get good luck is mastery, and it always has been.

Knowledge and know-how are the keys to success. You will always be paid in direct proportion to what you do, how well you do it, and the difficulty of replacing you.

We have moved from the era of manpower to the age of mind power.

Your level of knowledge and skill in your chosen field will determine your luck and success in that field as much or more than any other quality.
Become A Master In Your Area

Today, people are paid not for position or seniority, but for performance and results.

The better you are, the luckier you will be.

Your job is to resolve to join the top 10% in your field and then pay any price and invest any amount of time necessary to get there.

The luck factor of mastery can do more to help you be a great success than perhaps any other factor.

On the other hand, you can have every opportunity in the world, but if you are not really, really good at what you do, the opportunities will fall through your fingers.

4) Energy

Energy is another key way to get luckier.

All successful people seem to have far more energy than unsuccessful people.

They get up early in the morning and they start faster. They work longer hours through the day and into the evening. They invest time in themselves and in their careers on evenings and weekends.

The writer Stephen Leacock once said in this good luck quote,


“I believe in luck, and the harder I work the luckier I get.”

The harder you work, the more you get done.

The more you get done, the more you come to the attention of people who can open doors for you and help you to rise up even further and faster.

There is nothing like a reputation for hard work to put you on the fast track in any career you choose.

5) Personality

Personality is a key in learning how to be lucky.


The more positive, optimistic and cheerful you are, the more people will want to be around you and help you in any way possible.


Lucky people also tend to be happy, positive people.


They get along with others and they have wide networks of friends and contacts in a variety of different areas.


The more people you know, and who know you in a positive way, the more likely it is that you will know the right person at the right time to open the right door to the right opportunity.


You will find that almost every incident of luck in your life seems to be accompanied by a person who is standing there at the moment, with either a piece of advice or with a hand on an open door.


Many people’s entire lives have been changed by a casual comment or by a friendly acquaintance who has given them a key piece of information or an opportunity that has enabled the lucky person to make more progress in a couple of years than many people make in a lifetime.


Be Nice


The word most commonly used to describe successful people is the word “nice.”


When you develop a reputation for being a nice person, people will want to help you.


And the key to being a nice person is to practice the golden rule.


Treat other people the way you would like them to treat you.


In every case, a positive person activates the Law of Attraction and draws people and circumstances into his or her life in harmony with his or her best interests.


The more likable you become, the more luck you will experience.


6) Honesty And Integrity


Honesty and integrity are the most required and most respected qualities in both friendship and leadership.


The people that you like and trust the most in your life are the most important people that you know.


Shakespeare wrote in this good luck quote,


“To thine own self be true, and then it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not be false to any man.”
Being true to yourself is the very essence of personal integrity.


This means that you always tell yourself the truth.


You live in truth and you deal with the world as it is, not as you wish it were.


You practice absolute honesty and deal with reality in a straightforward way.


You see yourself as you really are, and your situation as it really is.


You never try to fool yourself.


And you never try to fool others.


Be Truthful


The essence of integrity is truthfulness.


This means to live in truth with yourself and then to live in truth with others, under all circumstances, no matter what the temptation might be to do otherwise.


Truthfulness is both rare and extremely valuable as a human quality.


When you resolve to be impeccably honest with yourself and others, you put yourself into a group apart from the ordinary.


You establish a foundation of high character that will open doors for you and keep those doors open, no matter what happens in the short term.


Honesty and integrity are the absolute requirements for success in business at any level, in any industry.


When you become known as a person of honor, of quality, of truth, you will attract luck into your life the way that honey attracts bees or the way that the moth is attracted to the flame.


7) Intensity


Perhaps the most obviously identifiable quality of a highly successful person is, “Intensity of purpose.”


Always, the person who wants something longer and harder than the other is the one who will eventually win out in a competitive world.


The more you want something, the more likely it is that you will learn what you need to learn and do what you need to do to achieve it.


You will work longer hours and try more different things.


You will read more books, listen to more tapes, and attend more different courses.


You will meet more people and cover more ground.


You will dramatically increase the probabilities of being the right person in the right place at the right time.


And when you back your intensity of purpose with the quality of persistence, you become like an irresistible force of nature.


How To Be Lucky In Life


The fact is that, if you are absolutely clear about what you want and you engage in a high level of activity to achieve it, you will experience more luck than the average person.


When you make a conscious decision to master your field and back it with high levels of energy and enthusiasm, you will move ahead further and faster than anyone around you.


When you become a positive, cheerful person, who is known for your high character and integrity, you will put yourself on the side of the angels.


And when you back every desire and goal with unshakable confidence and persistence and keep on keeping on, no matter what the adversity, you will turn out to be one of the luckiest people alive.


You make your own luck, you create the life you want. And as a result, your future will be unlimited! Part of being lucky involves mastering your time. When you master your time, you create your own luck in your life. 

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7 Reasons to Be Careful When Choosing Friends & How to Do So

The following goes without saying;

THE PEOPLE WITH WHOM YOU SURROUND YOURSELF HAVE A GREAT IMPACT ON WHO YOU BECOME IN LIFE.

The opinions of your friends are often more important than those of other people, even your family members. That’s why it’s in your interest to choose your friends wisely. They can be the reason why you succeed or fail in achieving your life goals.

7 Reasons to Be Careful Choosing Friends

Here are 7 reasons why you should be careful when choosing friends and how to enjoy long-lasting friendships that add plenty of value to your life.


1. Your friends have a great influence over you

When it comes to your emotions and moods, the influence of your friends is unparalleled.

If you’re spending a great time with your friends, your mood is bound to improve. If their remarks make you feel bad, your mood will inevitably decline.

A research study published in 2014 demonstrated that friends tend to bond when providing one another with moral support intended to resist a temptation. Still, sometimes friends would become partners in crime when it came to indulging together.

Friends help bring out the best in you, there’s no doubt about it. But they can easily influence you in a way that might pose a problem to other areas of your life.

That’s why it should be your objective to find people that make you feel good. If you surround yourself with negative people, you stand no chance at being happy thanks to these relationships. Cut out the negative friends from your life and you’ll instantly feel better.

2. You’ll grow with strong-willed friends


If you surround yourself with people who are very self-disciplined, you’re bound to become more immune to the various temptations that prevent you from staying on track.

Research shows that when people can’t quite manage to control their schedules, they often look for help among the self-disciplined people in their lives. Nothing gives a boost to your willpower like a strong-willed friend.

You need self-control in order to reach your long-term goals. That’s why you should avoid befriending people who aren’t strong willed and instead choose those who have a lot of willpower. That’s the secret to maintaining healthy habits and paving the road to success.


3. They help build you up for success
When a friend encourages you, you’ll feel as if you could achieve just about anything in the world. Friends are the people having your back as you push forward toward your goal by offering plenty of positive reinforcement.

With the support of your friends, you’ll have a greater chance at succeeding. That’s why choosing the wrong friends is so dangerous to your success. Instead of encouraging you, they’re more likely to put your down.

Avoid people who don’t respect your choices or constantly express skepticism about your ideas. Real friends will always support you, no matter how crazy your idea is and will only withdraw their support when they believe that you might do yourself harm.


4. Wrong friends can cause you to be counter-productive

A toxic friend is a serious threat to your success.

A friend who constantly makes negative comments about your goals and dreams will only distract your from them. In the end, you’ll have to work harder towards achieving your objectives.

If you think that you’ll fail, the chances are high that you will. And if a friend brings you down, you’re in for trouble.

Spot any friends who are happy to sit back and provide a fresh dose of criticism every time you two meet? Avoid them for your own good, don’t expect them to say anything nice to you.


5. Close friends are the secret to living a long and happy life

According to a study from by Australia’s Flinder’s University, adults who have close friends are likely to live longer. Researchers discovered that people with a large network of friends would outlive their counterparts by 22%.

Friendship is healthy. And you should definitely seek out the company of other people.

But be careful while doing that. You don’t want to end up with a friend who instead of making you healthy and balanced makes you nervous and unhappy. Friends are supposed to contribute to your well-being – and research shows that they can do that in a significant way.

That’s why you should be wise to choose friends who genuinely care about you. If you feel good at the mere thought of meeting them, it’s a sign they could be one of these friends who boost your longevity.


6. Friends can inspire you
Having someone around who is genuinely interested in what you’re doing is quite amazing.

Your friends should cheer for you and be invested in your life (naturally, this type of engagement goes both ways). It’s important that they’re like this, because the opinion of your friends will matter to you.

Every time they make an effort to take an interest in your life, it gives you an extra boost of support. Friends can inspire you to work harder towards achieving your goal, or make sure that you’re sticking to your resolutions.

If your friends aren’t doing any of that, they’re not real friends. They simply don’t care about your path and don’t want to be part of your journey towards success.


7. Friends can can serve as an example for you

Choosing great friends is beneficial if you need a push to start doing something on your own. Friends easily serve as examples, providing your with plenty of motivation to achieve your goals.

When you see how happy your friends are when pursuing their objectives, you’ll want to follow suit and be productive as well. Their good behaviors will rub off on you.

However, if your friends do nothing but drink beer and watch television, you’re more likely to join them and spend your time on the couch just to keep them company. Their habits will inevitably influence your habits and before you know it, you’ll become a couch potato too.

That’s why you should be wise when choosing who to befriend. Pick a friend with good habits, and their presence is bound to make your life more exciting.
Summary

Surrounding yourself with people who are like you and want to achieve something in of their life is critical.

Great friends will motivate you and support your dreams. That’s why you should value your existing friendships and handle new ones with care.

These 7 reasons should make it clear why it’s worth to be careful when choosing friends to accompany you throughout your life.
Has this article helped you to choose your friends more wisely? Leave a comment below.

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Patience, Persistence, Pioneers and a Bamboo Tree

When you feel down or unable to “chase your dreams”, look for ways to motivate yourself so that you can take some action and work on those goals again. Make it a part of your weekly schedule to go online and listen to motivational speakers.

World-renowned motivational speaker, Les Brown, talked about being patient and persistent in his famous talk, It’s Possible. Notably, he gave an inspirational analogy of the Chinese bamboo tree.
The Chinese Bamboo Tree

These trees go through a long process before they fully develop. Planting a Chinese bamboo tree requires a lot of attention and it’s imperative that you water and tend to it every day. For five years, there’ll be no sign of budding. It takes that long for it to break through the ground.

But here’s what it makes it special: once it does break through, it only takes five weeks for it to grow up to 90 feet tall!


If at any time the tree was not nurtured, it would have died beneath the earth.

And that tree, as Brown said, is your dream. Your idea.

And when you’re starting up a business, think of the bamboo tree. You need a lot of patience and perseverance on days that seem fruitless. ‘’Water” your goals every day without taking a day off and just like the bamboo tree, you’ll soon see that all your hard work, patience and persistence will be rewarded. Watch that business grow!
The Importance of Patience & Persistence

As a business owner, there’ll be days when it seems like you can’t quite keep up with the competition. That’s okay, though. It’s normal.

What you need to remember is that you have to keep working every day at developing your ideas, no matter how absurd they may seem to others. If you have complete faith in your vision, then you must exert all of your energy to reap returns in the long term.

It’s rare for people to “get it right” the first time. And what’s even more scarce is having a huge success story without any sign of setbacks. Success, for anyone, doesn’t come easy. Everybody had to endure difficulties while trying to “make it.” You’ll be able to overcome the challenges if you stay true to your cause and never give up.

The following three gentlemen are personalities who did just that. They were patient, they persisted, and then they succeeded:
Sir James Dyson

He had 5,126 failed prototypes. That’s literally failing 5,126 times.

When he was still developing the now-leading vacuum brand, Dyson not only had to start over that many times, but he also had to make do with his savings for 15 years. That’s a lot of time and money.

Despite all the hardships, he persevered and relentlessly worked at his idea because he knew it was destined to be a success—he just hadn’t figured out the minor details yet. After a few more tries, it finally took off. The 5,127th prototype worked! The Dyson brand then went on to become the best-selling bag-free vacuum brand in the US. According to Forbes, Sir James Dyson is now worth a whopping $4.5 billion.

Always stay focused even if things don’t go as planned. It might just need a little tweaking and it’s best to ask colleagues for advice. Sometimes a fresh perspective is all it takes to turn a nearly-ready product into a finished one. Keep watering that idea until it blooms!
Theodor Seuss Geisel (Dr. Seuss)

Writers determine success by readership. They write for their material to be read. The more an author sells a book, the bigger his or her success.

Unfortunately, Dr. Seuss’ first book was turned down by 27 different publishers! And for an artiste or creative, rejection can often be deemed more personal in comparison to an entrepreneur. They invest a lot of emotion into what they do and would sometimes draw from personal experiences. Hence, any refusal of their work is partly a rejection of their personal lives.

Dr. Seuss did not tear up his book and quit, though. Where most would probably give up after the fifth rejection, he still persisted. And had he not, the world would now be deprived of legendary classics such as The Cat in the Hat and Green Eggs and Ham. His books eventually sold more than 600 million copies.

Sometimes, “tweaking” the idea is not anymore needed. You just have to find people who can see how valuable it can be. Unlike Dyson, Dr. Seuss had to endure the rejections of publishers rather than “rework” his creation. And after 28 publishers later, Dr. Seuss’ bamboo tree stood tall.
Soichiro Honda

It’s no wonder Honda eventually became a household name. After all, he was heavily inspired by Thomas Edison, who himself holds more than 1,000 patents and has invented some of the world’s most important products.

Honda was considered a industrial genius but had a very unique personality. He had a passion for aggressive individualism, which went against the Japanese value of teamwork, and then led to his ostracism by the Japanese business community.

Through his undeterred faith in his products and ability, Honda not only stood-out from his Japanese counterparts, but he was able to dive in the American automotive industry as well and succeed. In one year, during the development of Honda Motor Co. Ltd, Honda motorcycles outsold both Triumph and Harley-Davidson. Persistence is what made Honda become a globally recognized name and why he had been noted for pioneering a Japanese automotive revolution. Just as Dyson and Dr. Seuss, he did his best regardless of how he was perceived by others.

The two qualities that determine every entrepreneur’s success are patience and persistence. Results do not come overnight. Treat your goals like the Chinese bamboo tree. Persistently nurture your ideas and then wait patiently. Soon enough, your efforts will break through the ground. And when they do … they’ll grow as high as you imagine it would.

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4 Ways You Can Create Everlasting Devotion to Your Goals

We can sit here and try to come up with a million ideas for the future or talk about our dreams for hours, but what does it matter when we aren’t insanely committed to those ideas, and all we do is waste time on pep-talks?

Over the years I have learned that mental devotion to my vision is something I must do before anything else. Those exciting goals must be converted into reality. They have to become a part of my identity and who I am. Only if you can become totally loyal and responsible to what you want, can you overcome challenges and any setbacks along the way.
Since we all are just starting fresh in 2017 with high expectations, pumped up, ready to make it happen, I have for you 4 ways how you can stay on track and create everlasting devotion to every single goal:

1. Respect your goal

This is a fundamental and one of the most important steps towards your future. If you don’t make your dreams the most important thing in your life, who will? It is your responsibility to know what your vision means to you and learn how to prioritize between what you want now and what you want forever.

If you are willing to accept a sadistic boss at the job you hate and feel miserable about, then I believe it is your obligation to be absolutely loyal to your dreams and future.


“The first step to achieving your goal, is to take a moment to respect your goal. Know what it means to you to achieve it.” – Dwayne Johnson

2. Create commitment which breaks every wall

One of the best mental tricks I’ve applied to myself is creating a deep relationship with my goals. There are only two ways this relationship is going to end. I either reach it, or I die. Sounds tough, I know, but it isn’t.

The “dying” part refers to a situation where you won’t stop until you get to the final destination. And this is the way you should look at your primary, long-lasting goals which you know, in your heart, are going to give you fulfillment and satisfaction.

There is nothing stronger than absolute commitment. This state of mind will pull you through the hardest times and doesn’t make you stop, no matter how tired, exhausted or discouraged you feel.

3. How many lives can you impact?

Have you ever thought about how many lives you can change or impact with your goals? How many jobs can you create. How many families can you feed or how much impact you can have on your children?

I bet that if you are reading this, humility is a part of your character, which is a reason good enough to keep going. It is common for the people who are on top to help others along the way and that is why they aimed so high on a ladder of success.


“We only have what we give.” – Isabel Allende

4. Listen to your heart

If your heart is involved in your decision and plans, it creates power because heart makes you feel. You can be exhausted and fed up with all the failures and discouragement, have 100 reasons to give up, but if your heart tells you to keep going, you will keep going. In general, feelings are far stronger than thoughts, and they have a bigger impact on your actions.

When it comes to deciding about your future and dreams, forget the logic. No one ever succeeded or kept going because they were logical. Follow your heart and in a time of crisis, ask yourself one question: “If I give up now, if I let those goals disappear, am I going to be okay with that?” This should give you an exact answer to what you are destined for.
How do you stay devoted to your goals? Please leave your thoughts below!

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5 Reasons Why You Need to Fail Before Tasting Success

Failure, a word everyone fears. Nobody wants to fail no matter what the field is, what the situation is or who the opposition is. Everyone looks to evade this threatening word.

But, is it really a threat? Or have people made it one?

Since our childhood, we have heard that it is not right to fail, whether it’s your academics, a sporting affair or anything else. Society has created an ecosystem where failure is considered as a curse rather than a blessing.

We are taught to hide our failures from our friends, closed ones and relatives, which let us assume that failure should not happen.


As they say, if you haven’t failed in your life, it means you haven’t tried anything new or you haven’t come out of your comfort zone. And rightly said. Unless you go out of the way to try out new things you’ll not witness failure.


5 Reasons Why You Need to Fail Before Tasting Success

It is important to fail in life. It teaches us some of the incredible life lessons, which not only make you a stronger human being but also bring out the best in you.

People fail and they do fail time after time. Consider examples from the past and you’ll get to know that every successful entrepreneur has failed at least once.

But, what makes them stand apart from the crowd is their dedication, zeal and passion for beating the past, hence, every time they fell, they stood up, fought and eventually succeeded.

It’s important to note that ‘Failure isn’t the end’. Instead, it is a necessary stepping-stone in one’s life before the accomplishment of dreams, desires and hopes.

The startup balloon is continuously inflating where entrepreneurs are trying to leave no stone un-turned in order to achieve the impossible. It is an inevitable fact that startups are prone to failures and only a handful of them, who wish to persistently work on their dreams and goals, are able to rise.

Here are five compelling reasons why failure is necessary:


1. Eradicates the Fear of Failure

Failure scares the s*** out of you. Doesn’t it?

Everyone is scared to fail, lose or stall. But, once you face that situation in your life, you won’t be scared of it anymore. The early you fail in your career or in the journey to building a startup, the better it would be for you to eradicate the fear of the unknown.

Failure is unavoidable. Whether you try or you don’t, failure will come to you in some way or the other. Failing without trying is something like not winning a marathon without participating.



You didn’t try just because you were scared of failing is the lamest thing you’ll ever do in your life. You’ve got a life for a purpose. Dream big, work hard to accomplish your goals and no matter if you fail or lose. At least you’ll be content with your efforts in the end. Plus, you’ll always be one step ahead of those who never tried.

There lies enough thinness in the fact that you will not fail.

You will and once you’ll face the hardship of it, you’ll stand, contest and win because you have to. In the midst of all this chaos, you’ll realize that nothing fell apart and you will emerge as a person who is as brave as a warrior. You’ll be ready to take up any challenge in your life without being afraid of failure.


2. Makes You More Mature

Overcoming a tough phase in life, be it during your startup journey, your love life or your professional life isn’t facile. It requires a lot of strength, focus and will. But, once you are out of it, everything looks bright and shining.

Failure is an experience which lets you learn important life lessons and explore new opportunities, which eventually make you a stronger and more mature person than before. The lessons learnt from any life situation are flexible to implement in different phases of life.

All you need is to identify the crux and gist of the same.


3. Brings Out Your Real Potential

Success can’t be achieved overnight. It is a prolonged process involving your passion, hard work, zeal and dedication along the path you have chosen. Life tests you on every turn. There are hurdles, obstacles and struggles that aren’t avoidable.

You need to cross each one of them to become a winner, which is what lets your real inner potential break free.



You’ll be tested inside and out during the course of the success path and it will only be your positive attitude, zing and passion of how badly you want it. If you hold the power to withstand all the unpredictable notions of life, then you’ll win. Otherwise you’ll fail.

4. Takes You Closer to Perfection

If you fail more than once while thriving to win, then it’s, fortunately, a positive sign. The more attempts you’ll make to cross the ultimate line, the higher the chance of you building a revolutionary product.

With every failed attempt, you’ll thrive to build better. Your efforts are likely to multiply after every failed attempt. It won’t be a surprise if you manage to build an extraordinary product which becomes the first of its kind worldwide.

5. Enhances Your Urge to Achieve

You fail once or you fail twice; but every time you’ll be standing in the middle of a two-way road. One will be pointing you to try again even harder, while the other will be pushing you to switch to another endeavour.

Whatever may be your choice at that instant of time, your urge to achieve will be on a higher side. You’ll want to accomplish your goals, achieve your dreams and make your dream, a reality.


Final words

Since our childhood we have tried to escape failure and look out to people with failures under their belt in the most ungracious way possible. As if failure is a curse.

This is what we are trying to change. Consider failure as a blessing rather than a curse and trust me; the world will become a better place to live in.

If you are passionate about your idea (a startup, a new project or a new venture), you’ll find a way to cross the line.

Millionaires have failed too (not once but quite a few times), they have also switched paths, they have also crossed a road full of barriers, but the difference they made during their journey to success was the inexorable passion for making it large, which they eventually managed to do.

Now it’s your turn to deter failure and rise above all!

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5 Genuine Reasons to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

You know what the comfort zone is? It is a disease which kills people’s dreams, limits their lives, and stops them from coming up with innovative breakthroughs.

Our societies are filled with people which are extremely “comfy” with their present conditions while displaying no intentions for change; and even if they do want to change, they’re most likely to delay taking action towards their objectives.

Now that was my rage voice. Let’s analyze the concept of “comfort zone” using an easier explanation:

The comfort zone = Anything that keeps your anxiety away.


It’s basically the state in which you mostly care about certainty: the certainty that you’ll feel comfortable, the certainty that nothing’s going to bother your mind, and the certainty that “everything’s in place” and you’re on the right path.

Stepping out of your comfort zone = Performing actions that could trigger short-term anxiety, discomfort, and pain.

5 Reasons to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone
The effects of your actions will generate two different outcomes: you’ll feel uncomfortable while having to bear with the pain is the first one;the second outcome is the progress, the overcoming of an obstacle, or the extinguish-ment of a dis-empowering belief.

I honestly urge you to start becoming aware (if you haven’t by now) of your current comfort zone state. Just in case you want to maybe…just maybe…be more than mediocre, I’d highly encourage you to read further.

Here are the main reasons for which you have to step out of your comfort zone, immediately:

1. It Leads to Long-Term Stagnation

Successful people never stop learning. After researching a handful of biographies and stories of people who have changed the world, I found out that successful people possess a lot of powerful beliefs; not only that they have them, but they also nurture and care for them.

One of the most common habits of thinking that successful people have in common?

“Never stop learning, and never stop the progress”. You see, life is a journey, not a race towards a finish line.

By continuously taking action towards improvement, you’re consistently stepping out of your comfort zone. Therefore, you’ll expand your boundaries and your mental limits.

Life will start looking better and better, and it’s all because you choose to actively improve yourself.


2. It Encourages You to Stop Taking Responsibility for All Aspects of Your Life

How does it feel when people blame you for something that you haven’t done?

You feel an urge to appeal to justice, protect yourself, and turn the blame back. The whole blaming, arguing, and the feeling-bad-after process is caused by the fact that people do not assume responsibility for their lives.

Assuming responsibility for your life means perceiving your thoughts, actions, and beliefs as your sole responsibility. Even if sometimes you just can’t control the outcomes, don’t let your impulsive spirit take over, influence your behavior, and have you put the blame on someone else.

If you consciously begin to assume your mistakes and assume full responsibility for all the events that are happening to you on a daily basis, you’re consciously stepping out of your comfort zone. Which is good. It’s really good!

People that find themselves in a deep, deep comfort zone state, they mostly put the blame on faith, karma, other people, bad luck, and a million more things. They always come up with reasons, and guess what: according to their thinking and beliefs, their lack of success and their present state of mediocrity is NOT THEIR FAULT.

Are you identifying with the situation? Are you blaming others? Almost nothing’s your fault? If you get positive answers, I’m urging you to step out of your present comfort zone before it’s too late.

3. It Kills the Possibility of Experiencing Great Accomplishments

I really can’t find a better reason for not hearing about you, the reader of this article, other than the fact that you haven’t done anything to distinguish yourself from other people.

Bill Gates? Of course, I know who he is…you know too; For me, he’s firstly a man that doesn’t afford to lay in a comfort zone. That’s why you’ve heard of him, I heard of him, and probably even your neighbors have heard about him.

“Famous” people are always idolatrized and perceived as great individuals and life models. Honestly, most of them deserve the average people’s respect.

That’s mainly because of their strong will to endure greater deals of pain and discomfort, all in order to overstep their boundaries.

We mostly hear about the final success stories of these individuals. We know what they’ve done, their net revenues are displayed on hundreds of online and offline resources, and we’re given the impression that that’s all that there is.
In fact, the details behind the curtain look totally different. Thousands of hours of hard work, hundreds of failures, and millions of problems, well…these are just a few of the hidden elements that have led to these success stories.

4. It Banishes Motivation and Limits Your Performances

Action is the fuel of life. Whenever we move around, do things, experience feelings because of what we do or see; it’s all about a continuous movement. If we take consistent action, we’re improving our personal power and along with our motivation levels.

If we experience feelings of motivation, stepping out of our comfort zones won’t be an issue. Using our motivation, we can finally take action and set the foundation of our long-term plans and goals.

If we’re willing to actively and consistently take action, practice will lead us to mastery. When we master our jobs, businesses, or fields of activity, we will step out of the ordinary and improve our lives.


5. It Blocks New perspectives and Life-Changing Opportunities

We live in a digital world in which we can easily get access to infinite amounts of information. We can buy a plane ticket and switch cultures by traveling to the opposite side of the world. Unlike a few decades ago, our possibilities are extremely volatile and much more numerous.

One aspect that differentiates people from one another is the MINDSET. Our beliefs are part of our mindsets, and our mindsets dictate the quality of our feelings, actions, performances, and eventually the quality of our happiness.

Closed-minded people are most likely to rot in a comfort zone state for a long time. If they’re not willing to even consider new angles, new perceptions, new perspectives, they’re never going to step out of the box.

The first steps towards positive change should be the desire to unlock new levels of consciousness, to eliminate bad habits of thinking, and to extinguish dis-empowering beliefs.

Being flexible and open minded will encourage your intellectual growth. It’ll also allow you to spot and seize tempting present opportunities. If you manage to apply this tip, you should expect things to change quickly, and all for the better.
Conclusion

Is there much more to say? Of course; there are so much more reasons for which comfort zone decreases the quality of a person’s life. However, I really hope that you’ve got the whole idea.

Comfortable is bad; at least for now, a moment in which you’re probably not fully satisfied with your life. My advice? Start being active! This is the best thing you can to ensure consistent improvement and life fulfillment.

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