How To Build Your Confidence Fast

A lack of self-confidence can come from such a variety of different origins that it's almost impossible to track down.

Gaining self-confidence doesn't have a one size fits all solution.

Although people sometimes experience traumatic events that result in a catastrophic loss of self-confidence, often it's more a case of a continual buildup of experiences that erode a person's confidence. Even in the case of a traumatic event, the event is usually just the final straw.

Building confidence back up, then, requires fighting fire with fire: an accumulation of different efforts.

Maybe you know someone who took up karate, sky diving or lawn bowling and went from painfully shy and anxious to social butterfly. If that's the case, examine their lives carefully. Just like the final straw might be the ultimate in a series of debilitating experiences, so the reverse may be true.

One activity or event may act as the catalyst that sparks off a series of experiences that all help to grow self-confidence. For example, maybe as that person grew confident in their ability at karate, then they had the confidence to start aiming for and hitting other, smaller goals, that eventually rebuilt their self-confidence.

Before getting started with confidence building activities, it's important to revisit the idea that emotions are temporary. True, some may last weeks, months or years - but they are not a permanent blight on your wellbeing. Complicated emotions that feed insecurity are like these.

The first thing you can do to start on the path to becoming the self-confident person you have always wanted to be and let that inner beast out is to decide to do something about it and follow through.

Habitual behavior forms your thoughts. That's why following through is so important. By continually deciding to do something about your situation but not following through, you are telling your brain that following through with action is not important.

The brain is a complicated neural processor - like a computer. Remember that a computer will only give you information based on what you input. Telling your brain that taking action to relieve your self-confidence crisis isn't important enough to you to do is the same as telling it that you are happy with the low mood it is outputting.

No matter how you choose to slowly boost your confidence, remember that confidence and competence goes hand-in-hand. So try to find a couple of activities to do to increase your skill on certain areas of your life, practice them consistently, focus on the positive outcomes and you will raise your confidence baseline as time goes by.

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Your Life Is Waiting On You! When Are You Going To Show Up?

I first heard the phrase 'start before you're ready' from Marshawn Evans. I thought to myself she must be crazy. I can't start before I'm ready. Well I have to be honest. Marshawn was right. Once I got enough courage to do my own event, I thought to myself that I wish I would've started sooner.

Your Life Matters. Your life is waiting on you. Many of us are waiting for the perfect time to start our business, the perfect time to travel, the perfect time to move, the perfect time to buy a new car, the perfect opportunity, etc. While it makes sense to wait to do certain things so you don't appear to be completely irrational or illogical, the reality is that there's never going to be a perfect time. Perfection doesn't exist. Sometimes you just have to take a risk. You have to do something different. Yes, you should think things through and do your due diligence in terms of research and having some type of plan but once you've done that, at some point you're going to have to take a leap of faith. Your dreams need you. Even with a stellar business plan, for example, you may run into challenges. Life happens for all of us no matter how much we try to have our ducks in a row. It's life. You learn along the way. It's okay to make mistakes. You can use them as learning opportunities. I speak from experience as I've delayed taking action in my own life because I've felt like I wasn't ready, I had to be perfect or that I didn't have enough or wasn't as good as some other people in my industry. Steve Harvey is a comedian, television host, radio personality, actor, and author. Steve mentioned on his show that you have to jump. You'll never know if you can soar if you never jump. I agree. In other words, you don't know how amazing and incredible you can be if you never try, if never give yourself a chance. Every successful person had to start somewhere. It's easy to get caught up in thinking you have to have everything perfect when you see your competition or others in your field that may have a fancier website or high quality videos, for example. It can be discouraging. However, you must remember that they too had to start somewhere. Stop comparing yourself to others.

Everyone started out with an idea, a dream, a goal. They then got the crazy idea to actually pursue it. Something in them had to believe that it was possible so they started to take action. I guarantee if you ask any successful person if it was a nice and perfect road to success, all of them would say no. There were some twists and turns but they did not let that deter them. As they were on their journey to success, I'm sure there were people they came across that had better websites, better videos, more clients, better marketing, etc. and they may have felt like they weren't good enough. But they kept going and just got better along the way. That's all you have to do. What matters is your authenticity. You don't have to start out with the most expensive camera or the most expensive software. You start from where you are with what you have. It's enough. You can start with your iPhone. That's what I've done. What's important is to do what you can right now. Your life is waiting on you. Your dreams are waiting on you. Just get out there! If you focus on having everything perfect, you're likely to procrastinate and that will cause you not to move forward.

Your Dreams Matter. Your life matters. You matter. God has given all of us gifts and talents that we must share with the world. Your gift is what could save someone's life. Your talent is what could give someone hope. If you look at it from the perspective of the millions of people you're robbing by not sharing your gifts and talents then you wouldn't take it so lightly. It's not about you. You playing small is not benefiting anyone. Your gifts and talents were given to you so you could be a gift/blessing to others. Start before you're ready. Take the first step. Take action in the direction of your goals and dreams. The world needs you. Don't wait for the perfect time. Start from where you are with what you have. It's more than enough. Keep moving. As you grow, you'll get better. Your life is waiting on you. Don't delay. Tomorrow isn't promised.

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How to Deal With Passive-Aggressive People?

The trouble with passive-aggression is that both the giver and the receiver often have no idea what's really going on. In other words, the person who's passive-aggressive (P-A) may know he hates conflict, may know he's feeling a little angry and may know he's covering it up. But he doesn't register how rancorous he really feels.

The person who's the object of the P-A's anger may never know what hit him because the rancor is well disguised. Consequently these incidents go largely unacknowledged for what they really are-hostility.

If you love a passive-aggressive person, you are probably making excuses for him on a regular basis. "Oh he can't help procrastinating, he's got so much on his plate." In truth, he procrastinates finishing the job you need to make you suffer. He never wanted to do it in the first place. Or, you defend his disturbing joke with something like this: "He's such a kidder." Really, the joke was not funny at all. Instead, it was thinly veiled hostility.

Identify hostile behavior.

There's that word again. Hostility. Once you realize the root of your loved one's passive-aggressive behavior is hostility, you can begin to deal with the problem. The first thing to do is stop making excuses for him. After all, he's really behaved in a hostile way toward you. And you've probably let him have his way without calling him on it. Perhaps for years. Now is the time to acknowledge that while the hostility is not overt, it's there, and maybe even more damaging than obvious anger. So what can you do?

Tell him the truth and consequences.

When a P-A is late and causes you to wait, or procrastinates, and puts your project in jeopardy, don't let him get away with it. Be open and honest enough to let him know that he's inconvenienced you. Repeatedly. Let him know that if he does this again you won't wait for him. Let him know that if he procrastinates you'll get someone else to partner with on your project. And then follow through and do it.

Call him on his dishonesty.

If your passive-aggressive mate tells you he supports your efforts to diet, and then fills the fridge with ice cream and cookies, you know one thing. He actually does not support your diet. Actions speak louder than words, and in this case, the P-A is not telling you the truth when he speaks. He is sabotaging you. You need to tell him so in an assertive and respectful way. You may not be able to change his behavior, but at least you have brought the issue out into the open.

When you confront a P-A with the truth about his behavior, you may also point out that it's often just as detrimental to him as it is to you. When he expresses his anger in an unhealthy way, sometimes it causes even more conflict-the one thing passive-aggressive people find so difficult to tolerate. When he sweeps an unpleasant issue under the rug, it really doesn't hide the problem-it only prolongs it. Being straightforward with him about his behavior can help you both.

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Teach People How To Treat You Better!

According to Dr. Phil, "We teach people how to treat us." Let that sink in for a moment. Rephrase it and repeat it a couple times to yourself. "I teach people how to treat me." Maybe you're thinking, my life isn't perfect and maybe once in a while an argument gets heated, but I'm doing alright.

But think for a moment about how people really do treat you. How does your spouse or significant other talk to you or about you? Do you feel supported and like you are both on the same team? What about your dad? Your ex? Do you walk on eggshells or tip toe around certain issues to avoid an argument? Think about nicknames people use for you, is there one you don't really like but you just let it go?

Are there things that any of them say that are a little on the edge of being rude? How do you react when this happens? Do you stop it, leave the room as if you didn't hear it, or just keep quiet? They may call you "big mama" referring to your extra weight but they frame it as "an inside joke". Do you laugh with them? Or do you ask them not to use that reference for you again?

What about your children? How do they talk to you? How do they behave toward you? Do they yell at you, try to hit you, push, ignore you, or kick at you when they don't get their way? Do you chalk this up to "just a tantrum" or do you discipline them for it? Do they show appreciation or just demand or expect you to cook, clean, and drive them to/from activities?

Think about other people in your life such as co-workers, friends, and relatives. Maybe they joke about "you and your book smarts", refer to your "hillbilly" accent, comment that you "run or throw like a girl", or ask "when are you going to just get a real job?" How do you respond? Does it feel like your co-workers or your boss value your contributions? Have you been corrected or yelled at by a boss or co-worker in front of other employees or customers?

As you think about how each of these types of people treat you, try to identify any patterns between them. For example, do both your husband and your in-laws make fun of the type of job that you have? Is there a running joke with your in-laws and your friends about your house being featured on the next TV episode of Hoarders or How Clean is your House?

Or maybe you have a friend or several friends that seem to imply that being a stay at home mom is not important or the fact that you work full-time and have your kids in daycare is not right. Maybe it's a co-worker who rolls their eyes every time you get a phone call from your kids who are at home.

Does this mean you are to blame for people treating you badly? Absolutely not. You are only responsible for what you knew when you knew it. And each person is ultimately responsible for their own behavior. But the good news is that now that you do know, you absolutely can teach most people how to treat you better!

The way that you teach people how to respect you or in some cases teach people how to treat you better is by first creating a very clear picture for yourself about what kind of behavior or treatment you will accept, how you express this to others, and how you respond if the poor treatment continues.

In order to set clear limits about how others treat you, it's important for you to first commit to some firm guidelines about how YOU treat yourself and others. The better you get at taking care of yourself, the harder it will be for you to tolerate disrespect from others. You also have to treat others well. The old adage, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" should be your new mantra.

We teach people how to treat us, yes. But that doesn't mean that everyone who behaves badly toward us is an evil person. They may not even be aware of how their treatment makes you feel. And you definitely contribute to that if you don't let them know how their behavior impacts you. They don't know what they don't know either. And if they do know they are hurting you, all the more reason for you to put a stop to it now.

So now that you know you can teach people to treat you better, the next step is to learn more about how to set firm boundaries and how to express yourself in an assertive way. With a little practice, you will be able to send a clear message to folks that you respect yourself and won't allow anyone to violate that in the way they treat you. There are several ways you can learn to set boundaries and stand up for yourself including self-help books, community education classes, or by getting the help of a life coach who specializes in this area. Contact us today!

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Get Self Confidence in 5 Steps

It is important to be confident. Being confident, means to be secure in who you are and being certain in the decisions you make. Being confident in your abilities means that you are positive about yourself and it is this self confidence that make other people have trust on you. More sure you are about your skills, will make other people have more confidence on you. Self confidence goes a long way. From seeing everything in positive light, self confidence helps in career as well as life opportunities.

Every person is not born with the skill of self confidence but it is ability that can be groomed with a little dedication. Here are 5 pointers for boosting your confidence in yourself:

Concentrate on Positivity

Revaluate your life and take a break from the people who take you and your self confidence to a low. Try focusing on the solutions rather than the problems. Even if there is nothing going right, keep in mind that one day it will. Stay positive and concentrate on the silver lining in the dark clouds. It's your life and to enjoy it you have to stay positive and let go of negativity and negative people around you. Remember that after every rainy day, sun comes out.

Change in Body Language

It is said that people takes more cues from non-verbal language that is body language rather than verbal language. It is very necessary to have a good and agreeable body posture that shows your confidence. The straightforward task of pulling shoulders back provides a sense of confidence to you and lets other person see that you have confidence in your own abilities. Smiling and maintaining eye contact makes the other person comfortable around you.

Never Accept Failure

Don't accept failure and never give up. The act of accepting the failure shows that you can be easily defeated by your defeats and have no confidence in yourself. Follow the old saying of "Try and Try again and Never Quit". More you get challenged by a particular problem work hard and make sure that you try and complete the task. If you are continuously knocking yourself down with your negative thoughts, you are becoming what you are sermonizing within your head. Next time you think negatively, substitute it straight away for a positive assertion.

Always Be Prepared

Whether you go out for a job interview or you are working on a new project, learn to be always prepared. Discover everything, there is to know about your line of work, work, projects and more. Whatever maybe on your "to conquer" list, it is important that you always be prepared for all the setbacks and triumphs. If you are geared up, and have the skill to back it up, your self confidence will rise.

Create Accomplishment List

Life is full of trials and there are times when it's hard to keep our self confidence up. In those times, sit down and make a list of all the points in your life that you are thankful for and list of all the things you are proud of accomplishing. Once your lists are complete, keep them by your desk and always be reminded of what a marvelous life you have and what an incredible person you really are.

With these five steps, you can boost your self confidence and turn a new page of your life. Remember have trust in your abilities and your self confidence will show.

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Finding Inner Peace

Finding inner peace is the path of letting go, even though, the path could be as hard or simple as a person makes the journey of self acceptance.

"He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe" ~ Marcus Aurelius

There are always many ups and downs in every one's life. Sometimes we get stuck in a world of confusion, wondering how we find a constant inner peace in our hearts and lives, when there is always something wrong in our lives or the lives of those we love.

What happens when we start to feel down or stressed?

First of all some kind of negative thought comes into our mind that gets us discouraged and anxious. The next thing that happens, is that we start believing in that thought. And feeding it with more arguments, which in turn gets us into a deeper state of confusion and sadness. Next thing we know, we find ourselves, there in that deep mud hole. We look around and all is doom and gloom.

What can we do so that this does not even happen?

1 - Accept what is: Life is unpredictable. Nothing is permanent, everything changes; and of course, a lot of things can happen that will transform who we are and have an impact on our life. The problem is that we need to be prepared to truly accept whatever comes and embrace it. This is what I have noticed with so many people, in that we focus and linger on things which we have no control over. Why worry about something that all the worrying in the world will not change? Why care about what other people think of us when we're not even sure what it is they are actually thinking? Yes, acceptance is a choice-a hard one most definitely, but a choice nonetheless. By practicing acceptance we learn to live in this changing world, where we never know what's going to happen next. Acceptance is like protecting ourselves with our own shields." You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give" ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

2 - Meditate: Meditation makes us mentally strong, and emotionally resilient. It reduces the tendency to react, increases the tendency to respond and is an effective way to de-stress our minds. If you are not meditating yet then, you are missing out on a very important activity that can change your life. When you have a lot on your mind and you feel like your thoughts are driving you crazy, meditation can help you find peace, calmness and more self acceptance. Meditation helps turning one's life into a more beautiful, harmonious and happy one. When mind, body and spirit are in harmony, then everything seems right with the world."Through concentration and meditation you become the boss of your mind, and gain the ability to tell it when to be active and when to stay silent" ~ Remez Sasson

3 - Spend time in nature: Nature calls you back to reality. We can't stop it from raining. We can't delay the setting sun. We can't set the temperature to a comfortable degree. When we are climbing a mountain, our muscles are going to burn. But with this surrender comes such relief! We awake from a dream and realize how little control we really have. We remember that hardship and lack of control are part of life, and accepting this reality makes it not only bearable, but possible to feel the joy of being alive. By being in nature we feel comfortable in our own skin, we experience our own quiet peace and strength, we sense the inner us that is the true us. The mask we present to the outer world is irrelevant for a time, and put in its proper place. Nature helps us to connect with this powerful, loving presence, whether we call it GOD, Earth Mother, the Great Mystery or any another name. Nature brings us closer to GOD, our own spirit and helps us to live lives of meaning and joy. "The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As longs as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles." ~ Anne Frank

4 - Learn the power of a smile: A smile is a powerful key to living happy from the inside out. The simple act of smiling sends a message to your brain that you're happy. And when you're happy, your body pumps out all kinds of feel-good endorphins. Smiles are powerful and contagious. Don't hesitate to smile warmly at friends, family, colleagues and even strangers. Never stop smiling! God smiles on us each and every day. His love has no depth, his mercy no end. His arms are open wide, just step into them. "Smile and the world will smile with you."

5 - Choose to help others: Care for others genuinely around you. What you put out, you really get back in life. Being caring allows us to have empathy for others and to live a life based on affection, love, and compassion for the people around us. When we make a positive impact in someone else's life, we also make a positive impact in our own lives. Any act of kindness and goodwill eases our way towards inner peace. When we start helping others, we stop thinking about our so-called problems and then we realize that our life is not so bad after all. Do something that's greater than you - something that helps someone else to be happy or to suffer less. "No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another." ~ Charles Dickens

6 - Never lose hope: Never give up. Never lose hope. Always have faith, it allows you to cope better during the trying times. Having hope is a personal decision, a bold conviction-a choice, and with hope we always have a path towards peace. Having hope is an active, decisive mindset etched into every single moment. No matter the haze and fog that clouds our vision, hope's laser cuts through, and never losing sight of her shimmering stars. Hope is something we can never afford to lose Who we really are is based on values we choose to live by, such as believing in the possible, believing in the goodness of others, and believing in the power of love and hope. When we decide to passionately pursue our greatest purpose, then we become the hope in our lives and manifest her greatest dreams, because we refuse to consider any other possibility. As Henry James put it, "Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact."

7 - Embrace your beliefs: I am not here to favour any belief system over another, but whatever it is that you are believing in, hold it closely in your arms, accept it willingly and enthusiastically, as by being within your faith, peace will find its way into your heart. We all might have different opinion in regards to our belief systems, but one thing that we all have to acknowledge is that without a healthy and solid belief system, we won't be able to find a fair conscience which could show us the way towards peace and wisdom. "Faith is universal. Our specific methods for understanding it are arbitrary. In the end we are all just searching for truth, that which is greater than ourselves." ~ Dan Brown

8 - Live in the present moment: When we live fully in the present moment, our awareness becomes completely centred on the here and now. We won't worry about the future or thinking about the past. How often have you been worrying about things that have yet to come, or how often have you been beating yourself for mistakes that you've made, no matter how much time has passed? Too much time, I believe. Not only living in present moment has a significant effect on our emotional health, but also it has a great impact on our physical wellbeing. By living in present moment we live in acceptance; we accept life the way it is, not the way we wish, it should have been. And when we live in acceptance, we realize that everything is complete as it is. We can forgive ourselves for the mistakes we've made, and we can have peace in our hearts knowing that everything that should happen will. "If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is."

Finding inner peace is not a simple or short path, but it is a process that we can all learn. It is a journey which needs to be appreciated every step of the way. We have to be willing to let go and step outside the box that we have accepted ourselves to be put into, in the first place and start from scratch. We have to be ready getting to know ourselves all over again and be willing to make mistakes. And most importantly, we have to realize that only we have control over our emotional responses and reactions and they can be changed for the better. And finally when serenity and unconditional love fill our hearts, we will accept that we cannot go back, and will not give up what we have now found, that peace that we seem to have been searching for our whole lives. "Remember, the entrance door to the sanctuary is inside you." ~ Rumi

Inner peace resides within us at all times. It has been said the only thing that prevents the human mind from finding peace, is the human mind itself. "Nothing can bring you peace but yourself."

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Five Steps to Transform Your Anger

If we lose objectivity due to our anger, we lose control of ourselves and the situation. There are five steps we can take to transform our anger into something positive and constructive.

Step #1: Disengage from the Situation

When we disengage, we focus on the results we want while we cool down. We can either physically remove ourselves from the situation or take an emotional time out. Disengaging is not the same as withdrawal, which is in effect a power play that involves resisting the other person's feelings. It is simply a way to keep defensiveness from escalating.

Disengaging means setting aside differences temporarily and being willing to address them at a later time. It is taking a time-out to reflect, reduce the tension, and let our emotions settle.

At the same time, it is important to assure the other person they will get to have their say. Setting a specified time to renew the discussion is one way to communicate our intention to deal with the issues. The effect of this is to acknowledge the other person's point of view (and their worth) without saying we will agree with them.

To effectively disengage, we need to make two basic assumptions:

1. that our own competence is not in question, and

2. that we are not being personally attacked.

Step #2: Defuse Anger

Anger is almost always accompanied by self-talk that focuses on what seems unfair or hurtful, an unmet expectation, how upset we are, or how we are going to react. To defuse anger, we need to rewrite that script.

Try to discover the thoughts that are fueling your anger. Then test each thought:

· Is it based on observable facts?

· Is it giving you good ideas to calm yourself and resolve the problem you face?

· Is it free of distortion?

If you answer "no" to any of these three questions, your thinking is likely making the situation worse and should be discarded.

Step #3: Determine the Desired Positive Outcome

Our goal is to find a more positive yet rational view of the situation. We need to focus on realistic expectations for this person or situation based on past behavior. Then we need to create a plan for what we will do next time rather than getting angry or inappropriately expressing our anger.

A good plan is specific and describes actions that we will take. It is under our control and its outcome can be measured. Having a plan increases our sense of control and will actually reduce any anger arousal that might potentially be triggered.

In order to create your plan, place the unpleasant situation in the context of current and past factual events that are more acceptable to you. Then reevaluate it in the light of less threatening facts that help you understand another person's actions. Review your own strengths and consider what you need to help you cope with this situation.

Step #4: Discover the Other Person's Needs

Effective listening can make us more competent, defuse anger in others, help us understand others, win respect, and build self-esteem in others. Inquiring about the other person's concerns and listening actively can help build a foundation of mutual trust.

When we feel the need to criticize people or correct their behavior, it helps to remember what it is like to be on the other side. To empathize is to figuratively put ourselves in the other person's place.

It is also useful to empathize when we feel we're being personally attacked and are about to become defensive ourselves. If we try to understand what may have motivated the other person's behavior, we may be less likely to react in a way that escalates the situation.

Step #5: Discuss Mutual Needs and Desired Outcomes

When we communicate our feelings, needs and goals to the other person, we want to do it in an assertive win-win problem-solving manner that is least likely to generate a defensive response.

A powerful, non-defensive way to do this is through "I statements." Beginning with "I statements" says we are taking responsibility for our communication. The statements often begin with the words "I feel."

James Creighton suggests following up "I feel" with words that describe our emotions, followed by a description of the precipitating event, and then its tangible or emotional impact.

An example is: "I feel (I statement) angry (emotion) that I had to look all over for the car keys (precipitating event). Because it took so much time, I was late for my appointment (tangible impact).

An example in the workplace might be: "I feel (I statement) upset (emotion) that I did not receive your marketing budget on time (precipitating event). Because it was late, I will need to rewrite the proposal (tangible impact)."

According to communications trainer Robert Bolton, at least 90 percent of non-blaming messages that describe tangible effects result in the other person trying to resolve the problem.

To skillfully disclose our concerns to the other person, we also need to avoid the use of words and phrases that convey absolutes, such as "never," "always," and "absolutely certain." They will most often trigger a defensive response.

There are times when we need to inquire to uncover the concerns of the other person. Asking questions allows us to focus on our task rather than our disagreement. After we inquire, we need to listen carefully, giving the other person our complete attention.

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How to Stop Overthinking Everything: 9 Simple Habits

What is holding people back from the life that they truly want to live?

I’d say that one very common and destructive thing is that they think too much.

They overthink every little problem until it becomes bigger and scarier and it actually is. Overthink positive things until they don’t look so positive anymore.

Or overanalyze and deconstruct things and so the happiness that comes from just enjoying something in the moment disappears.

Now, thinking things through can be a great thing of course. But being an overthinker can result in becoming someone who stands still in life. In becoming someone who self-sabotages the good things that happen in life.


I know. I used to overthink things a lot and it held me back in ways that weren’t fun at all.

But in the past 8 years or so I have learned how to make this issue so small that it very rarely pops up anymore. And if it does then I know what to do then to overcome it.

In this article I would like to share 9 habits that have helped me in a big, big way to become a simpler and smarter thinker and to live a happier and less fearful life.

1. Put things into a wider perspective.

It is very easy to fall into the trap of overthinking minor things in life.

So when you are thinking and thinking about something ask yourself:

Will this matter in 5 years? Or even in 5 weeks?

I have found that widening the perspective by using this simple question can snap me quickly out of overthinking and help me to let that situation go and focus my time and energy on something that actually does matter to me.

2. Set short time-limits for decisions.

If you do not have a time-limit for when you must make a decision and take action then you can just keep turning your thoughts around and around and view them from all angles in your mind for a very long time.

So learn to become better at making decisions and to spring into action by setting deadlines in your daily life. No matter if it is a small or bigger decision.

Here’s what have worked for me.
For small decisions like if should go and do the dishes, respond to an email or work out I usually give myself 30 seconds or less to make a decision.
For somewhat larger decisions that would have taken me days or weeks to think through in the past I use a deadline for 30 minutes or for the end of the workday.

3. Become a person of action.

When you know how to get started with taking action consistently each day then you’ll procrastinate less by overthinking.

Setting deadlines is one thing that have helped me to become much more of person of action.

Taking small steps forward and only focusing on getting one small step done at a time is another habit that have worked really well.

It works so well because you do not feel overwhelmed and so you do not want flee into procrastination. And even though you may be afraid, taking just a step is such a small thing that you do not get paralyzed in fear.

4. Realize that you cannot control everything.

Trying to think things through 50 times can be a way to try to control everything. To cover every eventuality so you do not risk making a mistake, fail or looking like a fool.

But those things are a part of living a life where you truly stretch your comfort zone. Everyone who you may admire and have lived a life that inspires you has failed. They have made mistakes.

But in most cases they have also seen these things as valuable feedback to learn from. Those things that may look negative have taught them a lot and have been invaluable to help them to grow.

So stop trying to control everything. Trying to do so simply doesn’t work because no one can see all possible scenarios in advance.

This is of course easier said than done. So do it in small steps if you like.

5. Say stop in situation where you know you cannot think straight.

Sometimes when I am hungry or when I am lying in bed and are about to go to sleep negative thoughts start buzzing around in my mind.

In the past they could do quite a bit of damage. Nowadays I have become good at catching them quickly and to say to myself:

No, no, we are not going to think about this now.

I know that when I am hungry or sleepy then my mind sometimes tend to be vulnerable to not thinking clearly and to negativity.

So I follow up my “no, no…” phrase and I say to myself that I will think this situation or issue through when I know that my mind will work much better.

For example, after I have eaten something or in the morning after I have gotten my hours of sleep.

It took a bit of practice to get this to work but I have gotten pretty good at postponing thinking in this way. And I know from experience that when I revisit a situation with some level-headed thinking then in 80% of the cases the issue is very small to nonexistent.

And if there is a real issue then my mind is prepared to deal with it in much better and more constructive way.

6. Do not get lost in vague fears.

Another trap that I have fallen into many times that have spurred on overthinking is that I have gotten lost in vague fears about a situation in my life. And so my mind running wild has created disaster scenarios about what could happen if I do something.

So I have learned to ask myself: honestly, what is the worst that could happen?

And when I have figured out what the worst that could happen actually is then I can also spend a little time to think about what I can do if that often pretty unlikely thing happens.

I have found that the worst that could realistically happen is usually something that is not as scary as what my mind running wild with vague fear could produce.

Finding clarity in this way usually only takes a few minutes of time and bit of energy and it can save you a lot of time and suffering.

7. Work out.

This might sound a bit odd.

But in my experience working out – especially with lifting weights – can help me to let go of inner tensions and worries.

It most often makes me feel more decisive and when I was more of an overthinker then it was often my go-to method of changing the headspace I was in to a more constructive one.

8. Spend more of your time in the present moment.

By being in the present moment in your everyday life rather than in the past or a possible future in your mind you can replace more and more of the time you usually spend on overthinking things with just being here right now instead.

Three ways that I often use to reconnect with the present moment are:
Slow down. Slow down how you do whatever you are doing right now. Move slower, talk slower or ride your bicycle more slowly for example. By doing so you become more aware of how you use your body and what is happening all around you right now.
Tell yourself: Now I am… I often tell myself this: Now I am X. And X could be brushing my teeth. Taking a walk in the woods. Or doing the dishes. This simple reminder helps my mind to stop wandering and brings my focus back to what is happening in this moment.
Disrupt and reconnect. If you feel you are getting lost in overthinking then disrupt that thought by – in your mind – shouting this to yourself : STOP! Then reconnect with the present moment by taking just 1-2 minutes to focus fully on what is going on around you. Take it all in with all your senses. Feel it, hear it, smell it, see it and sense it on your skin.

9. Spend more of your time with people who do not overthink things.

Your social environment plays a big part. And not just the people and groups close to you in real life. But also what you read, listen to and watch. The blogs, books, forums, movies, podcasts and music in your life.

So think about if there are any sources in your life – close by or further away – that encourages and tends create more overthinking in your mind. And think about what people or sources that has the opposite effect on you.

Find ways to spend more of your time and attention with the people and sources that have a positive effect on your thinking and less on the influences that tends to strengthen your overthinking habit.

Plus-You Can Now Join Our FREE Mastering Success Facebook Community at www.masteringsuccess.group

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6 Tricks to Overcoming Social Anxiety & Taking Back Your Life

Everyone, even the most confident person you know, is nervous or anxious in new social situations. After all, humans are social creatures designed to rely on the acceptance of each other.

We all want to fit in; we all want to be well-liked. When we feel that acceptance is threatened, we get nervous and worried. This is a human reaction. It’s completely normal to fear rejection or making a fool of yourself.

However, in recent years, we’ve been hearing more and more about social anxiety, which reaches beyond these normal levels of social nervousness.

In other words, it’s more than a fear of public speaking or constantly worrying about saying the wrong thing at a party.



How to Start Overcoming Social Anxiety

These are common experiences, and while you may feel more anxious about these events than others do, it doesn’t stop you from giving the presentation or attending the party.

True social anxiety interferes with your life in significant ways, derailing your ability to interact and pushing you into deep isolation.

If you suspect that you’re dealing with social anxiety, there are tools at your disposal, but you may also want the support of a professional who can help you design an effective and personalized plan to deal with your anxiety.

But whether your anxiety is severe or mild, there are many tactics you can adopt to help with overcoming social anxiety and be as social as you desire:


1. Remember that Anxiety Isn’t Reality

Your worries are just that, worries.

The situations you’re imagining haven’t actually come true; they exist only in your mind. When you start to panic, remind yourself of this and take a few deep breaths. Just because it could happen doesn’t mean that it will happen.

Embracing reality is always a good antidote to catastrophizing.


2. Play the “What If?” Game
Since you’re already imagining the worst-case scenario, go with it. What if the worst actually happens and you embarrass yourself and your entire family and, for that matter, everyone you’ve ever met?

Then what?
Well, you’ll be embarrassed, right? Then what?
You’ll probably want to go home and never show your face again. Then what?
You’ll cry yourself to sleep. Then what?
You’ll wake up the next morning and feel embarrassed all over again. Then what?
You’ll go to work or school because you have to. Then what?


The point is, by walking yourself through the entire series of worst scenario events, you can provide yourself with evidence that life will go on, that social embarrassment can’t actually kill you.

It will be unpleasant, but the earth will continue to spin. Facing your fears and their potential consequences is a good way to thwart the threat of the unknown, stealing its power to ruin a potentially great day.


3. Face Your Fears

While these are good steps to take ahead of time, in the end, if you want to take control of your anxiety, you have to actually enter the situation you’re dreading.

Though you’re certain it won’t go well, do it anyway.

Sometimes, we just have to do the thing we’re afraid of to prove to ourselves that we can. While you may not magically turn into a social butterfly, even standing awkwardly in a corner with a smile on your face and a few well-timed, “mm-hmms”is a win.

Survive and you can walk out of there at the end of the night with the knowledge that you bravely did something difficult. That’s always a good feeling. In the face of anxiety, survival is worth soaking in and acknowledging.

Allow it to sink in and build your confidence.


4. Rely on Your Wingman

Though it may be difficult to believe, some people are good at small talk.

On occasion, it’s perfectly okay for you to attach yourself to a friend who has such a talent. Not only will this friend act as a buffer for you, but you will also have the happy accident of watching them in action.

Take advantage of this.

While you stand casually at his or her side, take mental notes on the topics of conversation, the innocuous questions, the relaxed posture.

These things may come naturally for your friend, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t study, learn, and incorporate them.


5. Change Your Focus
Let’s say you find yourself at a party and you feel the panic starting to overwhelm you. Maybe your hands are shaking or your mind is whirring a mile a minute, but you still can’t think of a thing to say.

If this happens, position yourself as a listener and find something in the room that you can focus on.

Perhaps it’s a painting on the wall. Focus on the colors or the scenery.

Consider who the artist might be or why they painted this particular scene. Or maybe you can spend five or ten minutes wondering if the blonde across the way is a natural blonde, or just a really good dye job.

Whatever it is, taking your mind off yourself is an effective way to distract yourself from your overwhelming anxiety and panic. Once you feel more steady, you’ll be ready to reenter the conversation or situation.


6. Remember that You Win Some, You Lose Some

There will be times when it all goes much better than you expected.

There will also be times when you stumble through a slightly embarrassing evening.

You’re not alone.

Everyone, even the people you’d never suspect, have experienced the same up and down rhythm of social success. In all likelihood, however, it won’t ever be as bad as you expect.

The good news is that true social anxiety is pretty rare. If you’re an introvert who doesn’t like crowds, or if you struggle with generalized anxiety, you can still find your way in challenging social situations.


Summary

Even if you do suffer from severe social anxiety, there is hope. With some effort on your part and the right support, social anxiety can be overcome.

The important thing to remember is that even if anxiety is a common occurrence in your life, you can still be a good friend. You can show up and you can even enjoy yourself. Make a plan, do the work and get out there!

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HOW I CHANGED MY LIFE BY STAYING HOME

Say yes. Live dangerously. Dance like no one’s watching.

Sound familiar?
script>

Get out of your comfort zone. Meet strangers. Make small talk.

When are you allowed to leave? An hour? Half an hour? What’s your excuse when you do?

Finally, you’re free! You savor the relief, stepping away from the chatter.

Yet you feel guilty. Why would you want to be alone? Are you antisocial or something? That’s just weird.

You go home, put on pajamas, and open a book.

The real fun begins.

Have you ever experienced that?

I SOCIALIZED TO EXHAUSTION

I had moved to a different city and I needed to make connections. I said “yes” to everything: game nights, concerts, karaoke, friends’ houses, friends-of-friends houses, church groups, Meetups, “girls’ nights,” and blind dates.

No wonder I was drained. I was burned out. I got irritable, depressed, anxious. I wanted to run away and hide.

But I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t say “no.” What if people were offended? What if they thought I was unfriendly? What if I missed out on something?

So I kept saying yes.

Until I had to say no.
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WHEN IT FINALLY BROKE

A couple from my church were having a cookout, and I volunteered to bring a side dish. I thought it was just going to be our usual “group.” Easy peasy.

Then I learned that dozens of other people were invited. People I didn’t know, but I’d have to meet and make small talk with while being crammed into a little townhouse. I felt awkward and claustrophobic just thinking about it.

Two years of frantic socializing crashed over me, and I gave up.

I texted the hostess my apologies, but I couldn’t make it.

Then came the rush of relief—then, the guilt.

HOW I CRUSHED MY GUILT

I already knew I was an introvert. I didn’t mind time alone, I didn’t like crowds, and I preferred one-on-one conversations with people I knew well. Otherwise, however, I knew little about what being an introvert meant.

That all changed.

Desperate to assuage my guilt over canceling plans, I searched social media and Google for others who might relate.

I found more than that. I found knowledge, a community, and a fresh perspective on life.

I stumbled upon anecdotes of people who felt the same way about parties and evenings alone. I skimmed scientific findings on the brains of introverts and extroverts. I gobbled up excerpts from Susan Cain’s book Quiet. I even whipped up a brief post on my own blog about my feelings that evening. It drew encouraging comments from others who connected with it.

I LEARNED WHAT INTROVERSION REALLY MEANS

It’s more than being quiet or shy or preferring solitude.

Introversion means listening and thinking more than speaking. It means needing time to sort out your thoughts, to “process” information before deciding what to say, do, or even feel. It explained why I hated phone calls and had trouble with casual chit-chat.

Digging further in introversion, I noticed groups of letters like “ISTP” and “INFJ,” with no clue what they meant. Curiosity led me to the Myers-Briggs Type Index—a new turn on my road of self-discovery.

I found my Myers-Briggs type and gained even more understanding of my thought processes, my strengths, and my weaknesses. I learned that many things that were “weird” about me were actually common in my type. I better understood many of my relationship struggles.

WHAT ELSE DID I LEARN?

I learned more than my personality type. I learned principles that almost anyone could benefit from on occasion.
Sometimes, it’s okay to give up. You don’t always have to move forward. Even the greatest armies have to retreat and regroup at times.
Guilt is a poor motivator. Sometimes “I don’t want to” is reason enough.
The easiest way can be the best way. It would have been a challenge to go to that cookout and socialize that day. Some say that’s what makes things worthwhile. But if I hadn’t gone easy on myself, I would have missed out on massive personal growth.

LIVING IN A WHOLE NEW WORLD

For one fateful evening, I backed out. I said no. I stayed home.

And my life is richer for it.

Do I still challenge myself? Leave my comfort zone? Force myself to say “yes”?

Of course. Even introverts need to get out of the house sometimes. But now I find a healthier balance.

I was acting like an extrovert with an endless supply of “social energy.” But I was kidding myself, and others around me.

When I finally gave up and explored who I really was, it blew my mind.

I learned not only what I needed as an introvert, but learned to make peace with it. I understood other people better, thus enriching my relationships.

Fading were the fears of being weird and antisocial. Weakened was the shame of not going out.

Recharging my “social batteries” meant that, when I did go out, it was with more energy. Instead of treating it like a painful obligation, I wanted to socialize. There were still awkward or unsuccessful interactions, but I stopped feeling so burned out. I gave myself permission to leave after a set period of time—and sometimes even stayed later!

Guess what? I still meet new people. I connected with other introverts on the Internet, and made deeper connections with real-life acquaintances. I looked for clues to other peoples’ personality types and learned best how to relate to them.

What began with guilt ended with zero regrets.

LIVE QUIET AND FREE

Say no. Stay in.

Take a deep breath, put on your pajamas, and enjoy the silence.

If you’re an introvert, burned out from social obligations, you are not alone.

When you can appreciate that in yourself, it sets you free.

Free to socialize when you most want to.

Free to understand yourself and others, to build ever more valuable relationships. Free to reach out when you recognize similarities in others.

Free to say no, to regroup, to collect your thoughts. Free to exert yourself next time.

Free to live as your own beautiful self.

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7 Tips For Lasting Motivation And Greater Success

Lasting motivation is possible once you adopt an outlook that allows you to be more successful. Here are seven tips you can use today to overcome procrastination and start achieving much more.

1. Success is not achieved accidentally. It is a systematic, deliberate process of deciding what you want to do with your life, what you will do when you get there, and what the steps are to get you where you want to be.

One of the most important aspects of success is the ability to visualize your path and stay focused on your goal until you reach it.

2. The sooner you envision your dreams and develop a plan to turn them into reality, the faster you will accomplish your goals.

Mental pictures are a mechanism to lead you down the path of true independence and motivation. Procrastination is a self-defeating behavior that develops in part due to low self-esteem and fear of failure.

Your imagination is like a preview of your future. If you don*t use your imagination your life will remain mundane and unfulfilling.

3. Overcoming procrastination is the first step in helping you create the lifestyle you desire. You must change the habits and behaviors that led you to procrastinate in the first place.

Change is a slow process so be sure to reward yourself along the way for small achievements. Instead of focusing on the difficulty of a large task, break it into smaller jobs and create a timeline for finishing them.

4. Several small jobs done over time are much more manageable that one large task with no end in sight. You*ll be astonished at how much you can get done if you concentrate on one thing at a time instead of cluttering your mind with multiple tasks.

Try tackling the more undesirable tasks early in the day so that by afternoon you can pursue more pleasant activities.

5. Relieve yourself of the pressure created by clutter in your office or home. Develop a filing system, rid yourself of unnecessary papers, and give yourself an organized place to work.

When you exercise self-discipline in your surroundings as well as your behaviors, you will make major strides in accomplishing your goals in a shorter period of time. No matter what is happening around you, keep your mind focused on the reward you*ll receive by reaching your goals.

6. If people or outside forces distract you, use the power of the human mind to block out what impedes your progress and concentrate solely on the task at hand. You will make remarkable progress by refusing to let others alter the path you have chosen.

Overcoming procrastination and staying motivated is the way to lifetime success and happiness. You*ll achieve your goals rapidly when you stay focused on your destination and the rewards that will follow.

7. Review your habits and way of thinking to determine what you are visualizing most of the time. If your visions do not lead you in the direction of accomplishing your goals, then you must change them.

Discipline yourself to concentrate on your goals the majority of the time, and if you stray from the path, get promptly back on.

Imagine what the rewards will be when you finally reach your destination and keep that thought foremost in your mind.

Procrastination is of no use to you in your quest to fulfill your dreams. Lose those old habits and replace them with habits that lead to self-motivation and control over your life.

Remember this. You can sustain lasting motivation over time once you discover the motivation strategies that are right for you.

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