How to Deal With Passive-Aggressive People?

The trouble with passive-aggression is that both the giver and the receiver often have no idea what's really going on. In other words, the person who's passive-aggressive (P-A) may know he hates conflict, may know he's feeling a little angry and may know he's covering it up. But he doesn't register how rancorous he really feels.

The person who's the object of the P-A's anger may never know what hit him because the rancor is well disguised. Consequently these incidents go largely unacknowledged for what they really are-hostility.

If you love a passive-aggressive person, you are probably making excuses for him on a regular basis. "Oh he can't help procrastinating, he's got so much on his plate." In truth, he procrastinates finishing the job you need to make you suffer. He never wanted to do it in the first place. Or, you defend his disturbing joke with something like this: "He's such a kidder." Really, the joke was not funny at all. Instead, it was thinly veiled hostility.

Identify hostile behavior.

There's that word again. Hostility. Once you realize the root of your loved one's passive-aggressive behavior is hostility, you can begin to deal with the problem. The first thing to do is stop making excuses for him. After all, he's really behaved in a hostile way toward you. And you've probably let him have his way without calling him on it. Perhaps for years. Now is the time to acknowledge that while the hostility is not overt, it's there, and maybe even more damaging than obvious anger. So what can you do?

Tell him the truth and consequences.

When a P-A is late and causes you to wait, or procrastinates, and puts your project in jeopardy, don't let him get away with it. Be open and honest enough to let him know that he's inconvenienced you. Repeatedly. Let him know that if he does this again you won't wait for him. Let him know that if he procrastinates you'll get someone else to partner with on your project. And then follow through and do it.

Call him on his dishonesty.

If your passive-aggressive mate tells you he supports your efforts to diet, and then fills the fridge with ice cream and cookies, you know one thing. He actually does not support your diet. Actions speak louder than words, and in this case, the P-A is not telling you the truth when he speaks. He is sabotaging you. You need to tell him so in an assertive and respectful way. You may not be able to change his behavior, but at least you have brought the issue out into the open.

When you confront a P-A with the truth about his behavior, you may also point out that it's often just as detrimental to him as it is to you. When he expresses his anger in an unhealthy way, sometimes it causes even more conflict-the one thing passive-aggressive people find so difficult to tolerate. When he sweeps an unpleasant issue under the rug, it really doesn't hide the problem-it only prolongs it. Being straightforward with him about his behavior can help you both.

Plus-You Can Now Join Our FREE Mastering Success Facebook Community at www.masteringsuccess.group

 

Source:

Strengthening Your Belief in Yourself

It may sound strange, but the one person you'll always have in your life is you. In order to have an existence that's peaceful yet exciting and fulfilling, it's important to believe in yourself.

When you believe in yourself, you know that you have the ability to handle anything that life throws your way. You recognize that¸ although things may be tough, you'll get through it.

If that voice deep inside you says, "But what if I'm not sure that I can handle something," you could probably benefit from boosting your self-confidence and recognizing more of your abilities.

These strategies can bolster that belief:

1. Know yourself. Who are you? How would you describe yourself to someone who doesn't know you? Write down a description of you. "[Your name] is a person who_____________." Keep writing what you know about yourself. When you're finished, read it. Does it give the reader a clear idea of who you are?

2. Develop a real understanding for how you react in certain situations. For example, if someone tells you he's angry about something you did, how do you respond? When people ask for help, what do you do? Noticing the behaviors you perform whenever challenging situations occur will help you see your capabilities.

3. Be comfortable with your own feelings. Recognize what you're feeling and label it-is it sadness you feel when you see your little girls growing up? Or is it pride? It's okay to shed a tear over a poignant commercial or a sad or touching movie.

4. Recognize your strong points. Although most of us can identify our weak areas right off the bat, it's sometimes a challenge to see our strong points. Recognizing the areas of life in which you do really well is a great confidence-booster.

5. Remind yourself you've made it through some challenging episodes in life. When you see what you've risen above, it helps you to realize that you can get through the tough times. You can probably easily recount all the difficult phases you've gone through in life. Yet here you are, surviving and maybe even thriving.

• Be inspired by the initiative, personal strength, and courage you've shown so far in life. Say to yourself: "If I did that, then I can achieve even more."

• For example, maybe you made your way through college or even graduate school while working full-time and taking care of a family. That's quite a feat. It must have been a challenging time for you. Yet somehow, you did it. That's pretty incredible. Acknowledge it.

6. Get comfortable with admitting you made a mistake. This suggestion just might be the most important one on the list. If you can't admit to yourself and others on a regular basis that you've made a mistake, the fact is that you'll have difficulty believing in yourself. Why? Because in order to believe in yourself, you must be real with yourself and others.

• Otherwise, you'll see that you're not even honest with yourself and your confidence will lag. It's okay to be wrong. Let's face it-most of us are wrong at least once a day. The easiest way to solve an issue or figure out a conundrum is to acknowledge, "I did something wrong."

• If you recognize and acknowledge your errors, you're very wise because you obviously know you can't correct a mistake unless you see the mistake in the first place. If you're not already doing it, start openly and honestly acknowledging errors. That way, you can fix them.

• These actions will also help you believe in your ability to handle anything.

If you believe in yourself, your life will be so much easier. Believing in yourself brings a certain quiet confidence. Thoughtfully consider the above points and strengthen your resolve to believe in the one person you'll always have: you.

We'd love to meet you. Why not join our FREE private Facebook Community at www.masteringsuccess.group

Source

How to Overcome Your Negative Self Talks in 3 Steps

Self talks are things we tell ourselves, often in a subconscious way, that we believe to be true. They are not necessary true. In fact, they are often left un-examined, unchallenged and unverified. They are simply assumed to be true. Often, when we have properly examined them, they turn out to be otherwise.


Negative self talks are things we tell ourselves that negatively impact our lives. A common example is "I am not good enough". Another one is "I am a bad person". Negative self talks such as these are detrimental to our well being. They are harmful to our self esteem as well as to our physical health.

Everyone has negative self talks. We differ only in the degree or frequency of negative self talks. The good news is that we can change and reduce this unbeneficial mental habit.

1. Learn to be aware of your thoughts

Most people are not very aware of their own thoughts. By this, I do not mean that they do not know their thoughts entirely. We are all aware of our conscious talks. However, there is another layer of talks further below this conscious level that many are not very aware of. Very often, our self talks are found in this deeper level.

The way to become more aware of these self talks is by being more mindful. This would require a purposeful act of paying attention to our thoughts as they arise. In the beginning, this may feel awkward and foreign to our habits. With repeated practice, we can become better at paying attention to our own thoughts.

2. Pick out the negative self talks

Once we are good at noticing our thoughts, we can then pick out those negative self talks that often prevent us from becoming our best. For now, leave the positive self talks alone.

3. Challenge the negative self talks

Very often, negative self talks are found to be untrue when they are properly and honestly examined and challenged. They are often simply excuses we made up so that we can continue to stay "safe" in our comfort zones. Recognize that these are mental barriers that we ourselves have unconsciously erected, and they prevent us from facing up to our fears as well as stop us from overcoming our self-imposed limitations.

To challenge your negative self talks, ask yourself:


1. "Is it true?"
2. Can you be absolutely sure that it is true?
3. How would you feel if it were not true?



The goal is to challenge the truth of your own thoughts. Our natural habit is to resist this, and we can recognize this resistance by noticing the discomfort and anxiety that arise. Allow the anxiety to be. There is no need to act on the anxiety. Simply watch it arising, and with time, it will pass, just as all feelings do.

The more you practice, the easier it becomes to simply watch the resistance arising and passing away. Eventually, the habit of resisting reduces. We become more discerning in our thoughts. We may even be able to consciously replace a negative thought with a positive one.

This is true progress in changing a negative mental habit.








 Source:

3 Reasons Why Writing Down Goals Will Give You The Edge

Why writing goals down will give you the edge.

Do you have goals written down or do you keep them in your head, hoping that you will remember them throughout the year? Have you ever thought about writing goals down to program you to achieve them?

Writing goals down has many benefits. First, written goals will be in your own handwriting. This means that you will automatically feel more responsible for them. Second, when goals are written down, they will send a direct message to your brain to actually achieve them. Remember the time when you had to study for an exam, but used someone else's notes? How well did you study and what was your results of the exams? You are much better off when you study or write goals down in your own handwriting. Third, writing goals down will help you to remember them, I found that when I write goals down, I actually don't need to look at them again, it is just as if the goals are burned into my memory. Therefore I suggest that you consider writing goals down in your own handwriting, rather than typing it or using someone else's handwriting.

Now, how should you write your goals? Well, here are my guidelines for:

They should always start with - I will/I promise to/I must - these messages will tell your brain that it is an absolute must for you to achieve these goals. Most people write it down like I should/I want to/I need to - these are negative and you will struggle to achieve those goals.

Always use the SMART Principle - goals should be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time framed.

Make use of the Pareto principle - also known as the 20/80 principle says that you must focus on the 20% effort, resources or time that will give you 80% of the outcomes or results. To apply this principle, think of 3 very easy and simple actions you can take every day that will help you achieve the goals.

Here is an example of ineffective goals:

I need to lose weight.

There will be a very big chance that you will never achieve this goal.

Here is an example of the goal using my guidelines:

I will/must/promise to lose 10 pounds by 10 December 2015, by cutting my soft drink intake in half, going for a walk every second day and eating out only once a month.

From the above example, is it important that we send our brains a direct message that there is no option but to achieve the goals. It is also clear that writing goals down in this manner that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time framed give is a perfect structure. It also shows that you can easily achieve the goal with the 20/80 principle.

Writing goals down can get you motivated, but how would it feel if they actually inspire you to take action and achieve them. Using these guidelines will definitely give you the edge in your life!

Source

Low Self Esteem Can Ruin your Life

Be determined to improve your self esteem and you are on your way to great achievement. Don't let a low self esteem ruin your life. The way you think about yourself determines how you interact with others.

Your mind can play costly tricks on you:

nothing you do seems to go right;

you believe that most people do not like you;

you believe that you are not attractive;

you choose something and it turns out to be the worst one;

you are afraid to converse with others for fear that what you say might not make sense;

You feel swallowed up in a whirlpool of frustration.

You ask yourself, "Just what's wrong with me?" The 

answer: Your thinking!

Stop thinking that the world is closing in on you. Get determined to achieve what you desire. Stop blaming other people for your misfortunes. The world is not your problem, you are your own problem! From this moment on, begin to think the right way and be determined to win, and win you will. Just remember that success never comes easily and that is why determination is its counterpart.

Very often one gets to the brink of success and with just a little disappointment or setback, they lose heart and give up too easily and too soon. Who knows what great things might have been achieved if only they had persevered.

Without a high self esteem, your life could be rather boring. Change your thinking and begin to see yourself on top of the world. Make a very special effort to be what you really want to be. You have to seriously decide either to remain in a miserable state of low self esteem, or acquire and develop a high self esteem with good character and self image.

Stop procrastinating! Begin now to make that all-important change in your life.You may have to find new friends and acquaintances, people who encourage you and give you that extra boost that you need.

A low self esteem could begin way back in childhood when children are made to believe that they are worthless. Their self confidence is eroded and they succumb to the idea that they can never achieve success in anything that they do. They were picked on, laughed at, pushed around, called ugly names, and treated with disdain. No wonder they grew up to be full of resentment.

If that was your experience, it is time you cut yourself loose from that mindset and do your best to overcome it. Start reading about the life of successful persons and you will soon discover that many of them had such low self esteem that they could not even complete an elementary education. You know that sort - they are called 'drop-outs.' Strangely enough many decided to override their low self esteem and change their attitude, whatever it took. They became some of the greatest men and 

women that ever lived.

Low self esteem has never helped anyone else and it sure will not help you. It can only drive you into depression, anger, grudge, fear and all the other evils that it generates. Re-program your thinking and control your state of mind. You must believe that you are worth much more than you think or you will remain at the foot of the ladder and never make an attempt to climb it. Do not waste your life away with feelings of inadequacies. 

Stop belittling yourself; success is yours, just reach out and grasp it.

 Source

A Guide to Motivation

Motivation and drive are the most elusive of things.

Those who naturally possess these traits are able to get ahead and cannot comprehend that others do not automatically have the need to be active and productive.

For most of us, it is something that we can learn.

Motivation is something I struggled with for many years. Procrastination was the rule. "Why do it now?" "I can do that tomorrow." Then the time passes and it turns into "it's too late to do that now".

I thought that this was the only way I'd ever be, despaired at the thought that I'd never achieve what I thought I could and I always fell back into the same pattern of "doing something about it later."

I've taught myself motivation and given myself that drive that was missing for so long. The most important thing I've learnt? It's easier than you think.

The first thing to learn is how to be productive. I came across a phrase that helped me rationalise where to start.

"Never have a zero day"

The essence of this is not allowing yourself a day where nothing is achieved. You can set the goals as small as you need to start with, do some washing up, tidy your room or file some paperwork. As long as you've done something that you can count as productive then you've avoided a zero day. You'll soon find that you're doing the small stuff automatically every day and the goals you set will become bigger. This is a great way to start your path to productivity and avoids the urge to crash out in front of the TV as soon as you finish work.

Once you've started to deal with the small stuff then you can think about taking on bigger challenges. Whatever it is that you've been avoiding starting is the next objective. The hardest part about larger challenges is that the end goal seems too remote and far away. Without the focus of immediate benefit it can be difficult to get the right mindset to even start a longer project. So how do you visualise the outcome? The short answer is that you don't. Not to start with.

I'll share a metaphor that my mother used when I was growing up, unfortunately it took me years to realise the significance!

You have a whole house to tidy. The mess in each room is overwhelming. How do you know where to start? What's the best order to do it in? Should I clean the kitchen or the living room first? It doesn't matter. You have to pick something up and put it in the right place. Again and again. Do this enough and the whole house will be tidy.

Break down the issue in to the smallest increments possible and start by completing them. The objective is not to finish the project but to start it, to be making progress towards it. This is the important part. Making progress is just as important as the end result.

This leads nicely on to the next point. I'm going to use a quote from Commander Chris Hadfield who can sum it up better than I can, and with much more authority.

"Every decision you make, from what you eat to what you do with your time tonight, turns you into who you are tomorrow, and the day after that. Look at who you want to be, and start sculpting yourself into that person."

Set yourself long term goals but don't sweat about reaching them too quickly. The important thing is putting yourself on the right path. Make good decisions about the little things and the big things will happen for you. As long as you're making progress along the path to your goal then you're doing the right think and making progress is an achievement!

Now you're on your journey to productivity, but can you stay on it?

Look back at your progress regularly. You don't need to analyse in detail every action on every day but now is the time to look at the bigger picture. Consider your position a month ago, a year ago. Has it improved? Then imagine how it will be in the future. Use this to push yourself further.

The final advise is one that I've found particularly useful recently. Give yourself productive hobbies where you are achieving goals and keep them diverse. Learn a new skill or work on existing skills, pick up a new language or a musical instrument. By being able to change what you're working on you can keep everything fresh and interesting.

It is important to realise that this isn't giving up. You can come back with a fresh outlook and more enthusiasm than you left it. But remember to never leave one thing too long or what you're working towards can disappear.

The key things to take away?

No Zero Days

Start small

Have long term goals

Review your progress

Keep it interesting!

Following this will mean that suddenly your downtime is spent improving your life rather than watching it pass by.

Source

5 Ways to Find Willpower When You Feel Burnt Out and Hopeless

We all experience periods in our lives when we hit a rough patch and Lady Luckno longer seems to support us. We’re left feeling crushed by life itself. Times when unexpected events have happened, often beyond our control, and it’s pushed us to our breaking point. When tough times hit, we often feel our willpower severely waning.

We feel so burnt out and devoid of energy that our viewpoint into our future starts to look bleak and hopeless. When we’ve reached this point, it’s pretty hard to find a reason to push on. But luckily, there are some ways to fight back and regain your inner power.
Here are my favorite ways on how to have willpower when you feel burnt out and hopeless:

1) Gratitude.

Sometimes, when I’m at my lowest points, when I can’t think of anything positive and life just seems completely pointless, I like to take a moment to remember everything that I do have in my life and feel grateful.

Here’s how gratefulness can help you on how to have willpower again.

Remember that:
Your gratitude list can include anything. In fact, when times are super tough and I can’t think of anything one thing to be grateful for, I remember that at least for right now, I have a roof over my head and food in my belly, that there are millions of men, women, and children around the globe who don’t have those basic life necessities available to them on a regular basis.

However, you can also be grateful for your toothbrush, Snickers bars, your pets, or your BMW. It’s your choice and your list so name whatever you want that makes you remember life has great moments – even during the darkest times.
Keep a gratitude journal near your bed. Every morning and/or night, write down a list of 5-20 things that you are grateful for during the day. In time you’ll see that you really do have a lot more to be grateful for than you ever could have imagined. It’s also really beneficial to turn to those lists when you’re feeling down about life.

You’ll remember you have a whole notebook of things that are really great in your life and that will help boost your willpower to keep moving forward.

Gratitude helps take the focus away from whatever isn’t showing up in my life and redirects me to notice what I do have that is so amazing. Using gratitude to boost your willpower can give you a new perspective on what’s really going on. It will help you feel more grounded and resilient, rather than burnt out and hopeless.


2) Volunteer

Being around others who value your service and who need your help – whether that’s the environment, animals, children or other adults in need, it’s a great way for you to feel life is hopeful, not hopeless.

Not only do you get a chance to see that others too, are going through a difficult time, but volunteering will help remind you that no matter what is going on in your life, you can still do some good in the world. What you do matters, and that you make a positive difference to others.

Remember to:
Find a volunteer position or charity that is aligned with your time and energy levels. Ask friends about where they volunteer. Maybe even try out a few before you settle on a specific one. But find one leaves you feeling energized and happy afterwards rather than sad and depleted.

While sometimes you may be witnessing a sad situation, like when I volunteered as a groomer at an animal shelter and saw many cases of abuse, it helped when I focused on how I was helping the animals transition from dirty and alone to happy, healthy and on their way to their new forever homes.
Keep searching – there are tons of volunteer opportunities out there that can fit everyone’s lifestyle, needs, and schedule. You can even find volunteering or mentoring positions that you can do online. So keep searching until you find one you really love. If you don’t see it out there, you can always start your own charity based on needs you see in your own community that aren’t yet being met.

Volunteering your time, money or expertise will get your willpower back up and running in no time as you’ll be reminded that there’s a lot more than just you on this planet and that you’re needed by others.


3) Treat Yourself!

If you have gotten to the point where your willpower is so low that you can barely get out of bed, then this is the time to start treating yourself a whole lot better! We are taught that giving is the greatest thing we can do, but if we do not stop and allow ourselves to receive, it’s possible to give until we are sucked dry.

It doesn’t need to be complicated or expensive or elaborate. Just do something for yourself that makes you feel happy. Do things like that as often as you can. The more you give to yourself, the less hopeless you’ll feel. You’ll be more able to give joyfully and abundantly to others.

Remember that:
Make treating yourself an everyday habit. The more you give to yourself, the more energy you will have, so set aside some time every day to do something kind for yourself. It doesn’t have to take up a lot of time, but it does need to help you remember that life can be and is, good.
Change it up. You don’t have to do the same nice thing for yourself every day. The more you choose to vary your treats, the more you’ll enjoy the process and the more likely you’ll be able to keep up this healthy practice of self love. The more you receive, the more you’ll be able to give.

4) Start Treating Yourself Better

Most of us are running on empty. We have too much going on in our lives. Of course, rather than letting the ball drop in any area we allow our minds, bodies, and spirits to take the brunt and then we wonder while all of a sudden we’re feeling depleted and burnt out.

When we’re short on time, energy and/or personal happiness, it’s really easy to start losing our willpower and feel hopeless. This is where daily self care comes in handy. By daily care I mean getting enough sleep to feel rejuvenated, NOT exhausted when you wake


Remember that:
If you don’t like it, use it or need it anymore, let it go. Holding on to stuff that no longer holds true value to you only weighs you down in body, mind and spirit, so for the sake of your mental and physical health it’s a good idea to purge all the negativity and waste from your life.
This exercise will lead to a great awareness of what really matters in your life – if you do it properly. It will help you realize that keeping positive people and things in your space have a great effect on how you feel and how you make decisions. Do yourself a favor and start getting rid anything negative out of your life. See how wonderful, free, and happy you start feeling.


Whether it’s going on a much needed vacation, making a quick trip to the manicurist or buying yourself a decadent brownie as a rare treat, do something that makes you feel happy and joyful. Giving too much can burn us out and leave us feeling depleted. This is why we need to give to ourselves just as much as we give to others.

up.

Practicing daily care also means choosing to eat natural, real food rather than products made with salt, sugar, and fat to help you feel good, happy, and healthy from the inside-out. Daily care also means exercising regularly so that you remain strong, healthy and limber.

Remember that:
Little steps can lead to big improvements. Even something small like going to bed at the same time every night can lead to quickly feeling happier and healthier. It’s also important to incorporate these daily care rituals into your schedule so that they become just part of your routine, rather than something you have to squeeze into your day. This will ensure you keep up the practice and actually reap and enjoy their myriad benefits.
Get support. It’s important when you are trying to make positive changes to have the right support system. Whether you hire someone, join a group or get a friend, spouse or relative to help you out, the more you’ll feel encouraged and supported in making positive changes. This makes it easier for you to maintain these changes.

If you’re thinking about how to have willpower, remember that being healthy is what will help you. Treating yourself better will push through those tough, hopeless times with much more ease and grace than you can if you’re not caring for yourself on a regular basis.

Taking care of yourself every day is essential for a happy, healthy, and productive life. You simply cannot allow caring for yourself to go by the wayside, no matter how busy you become or things will start to crumble out of your control.


5) Remove Everything in your Life that Leaves you Feeling Burnt Out and Hopeless.

There are so many decisions we have to make these days. So many choices that can lead us down a variety of different paths. It can become exhausting just trying to figure out the right path for yourself. The more decisions you have to make, the more burnt out you’ll probably feel.

Wondering how to have willpower to gain energy reserves and enjoy feeling like you’re actually in control? It’s important to let go of everything that doesn’t hold any value or meaning in your life.


Be kind to yourself, be grateful, and don’t cling to things of no value. This is how to have willpower again – despite feelings of hopelessness and exhaustion.

Source

Don't Let Life Happen to You

Don't Let Life Happen To You

It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live. - Marcus Aurelius (121-80 AD, Roman Emperor, Philosopher)

It's hard to believe that we are nearing the end of another year. As I write this, snow is falling in Colorado, the makings of a fantastic Thanksgiving dinner are in the kitchen, and our newspapers are filled with holiday ads. The end of the year always tends to be a time of reflection as we look back on the accomplishments of the past year and look forward to a new year. It's also a time to reflect on our lives and ensure that we are living the life we want.

It's easy to look at ones life and be content with where you are. You have a good job, a spouse or significant other, children, a nice car, and all of the trappings of success. Clearly you are well on your way to success. But the real question is, are you happy with what you are doing?

No, this is not an article about the spiritual side of your life. Normally these articles focus all of the attention on management and leadership concepts that you can use to shape your career, improve your performance, and move up the ladder of success. But as we enter a new year it is important to take a step back and make sure that the path you are on is the right path for you.

You see life has a way of just happening to people. Your first job tends to be the job that you were first offered, in an industry that may or may not really interest you, doing what you may or may not have a real talent in. Your career then tends to grow from there. You get promoted or change companies, but tend to stay with what you are familiar with and what you have done in the past. Months turn into years and at some point in time you find that you are on a career path that you never really intended to be on at all. It may be a great, wonderful career path doing all of the things that are important to you, or it may be a path where you have had some successes, but don't find inspiring.

In short, your life has been on autopilot. That is when you know that life has happened to you.

You didn't plan to be where you are. And while you are not unhappy with where you are, you are not happy with it either. It does not speak to your inner being.

The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose. - Richard Leider

As you sit down in the coming weeks to plan your new years resolutions, take a few extra minutes to think about where you are in your life and where you are in your career. If you have not made a life plan in the past, start one now. Identify your core values. Identify what is important to you in life and in your career. Figure out were you want to be in 10 years and make sure your current path will take you there.

Your life is a fairy tale, with the journey unscripted. Take control of your life and write your own script. Understand your desires and passions and build a plan for your life that will be a source of happiness and pride. It may be in management and leadership. It may be in the arts. But whatever it is, make sure that you control your life and that your life does not just happen to you.

Source

5 Ways To Overcome Fear and Improve Confidence

Overcoming fear is one of the greatest challenges that you will face as you learn how to improve your self-esteem and self-confidence.

Imagine that you lived in the 17th century when there were no airplanes and parachutes. Imagine that you lived happily with your family at the top of the mountain until you ran out of food and water. You can see all the water and the food that you need to help your family survive from the top of the mountain. However, to reach the water and food you need to overcome your fear and jump from the mountain top to the ground. You know that when you jump you will dive into the river beneath the mountain and not suffer physical injury. You also know that it will change your life to jump because you will be able to gather all the food and water that your family needs, but you need to overcome the fear and doubt that is holding you back. You also need to overcome questions triggered by fear on your mind and make you anxious, "what if I hit the rock", "What if I find no way to climb back up", "What if... "

Our lives are not too different from this story. We sometimes face difficulties and challenges such as being unhappy at work, being unhappy with our bodies because we picked up weight, toxic relationships and criticism. This results in us being unfulfilled. From this we also experience a low self-esteem and a lack of confidence -: sometimes we know that if we could just take a leap of faith and jump to change our lives our lives could improve, but we remain scared of jumping. Fear and anxiety holds us back. Doubt cripples our attempts.

Overcoming fear is one of the most important skills that you need to learn in your life in order to get unstuck and take your life forward. Fear affects decision making and a lack of decision making power causes poor results. Sometimes because of fear and doubt you might not take the action that you need to change your life.

Fear can manifest itself in many ways, it can cause you to be afraid of something as practical as snakes or heights. However sometimes fear can also affect you in serious life decisions and stop you from taking action to succeed - whether this is starting a new business or quitting a terrible job that does not help you become fulfilled. Here are 5 ways that you can use to overcome fear in your life and unstuck yourself.

1. Realize that fear is not something to be eliminated but something that needs to be managed

Often when we experience fear we focus more on trying to eliminate it than trying to manage it. People that succeed face the same fears as we face but they act despite their fears. Their process, unlike some of us, does not focus on eliminating the fear but focuses on managing the fear.

So aim to act despite the fear. I cannot tell you how many times in my life I have been afraid to speak in public however I acted despite the fear to a point where now I have mastered not how to be unafraid to speak in public but to act despite the anxiety and fear that I feel. Try doing the same in your life-: feel the fear and act despite it.

2. Realize that fear can be both rational and irrational

As people we have an internal conversation also known as self-talk. The little voice inside our head sometimes gives us messages that causes us to have doubt... then we begin to question ourselves - "maybe I shouldn't", "maybe it is not the right time right now", "what if this and what if that"... instead of acting we then leave the status quo and do nothing. Our lives don't change, we remain unhappy for years. Only to look back into our lives many years after and have regrets.

So improve your level of awareness regarding self-talk. The minute your internal voice tells you to doubt... stop and question yourself. Here are few questions to really ask yourself and overcome irrational fear, what am I really afraid of? What is the worst thing that can happen? Am I realistic or is fear ruling me?

3. Define your fear

Don't let fear get irrational define what it is that you are afraid off. If you were to quit your job, what would you afraid of, is it the fact that you won't find another job? Or is it just the imaginative discomfort of finding a new job. What about a new business, why would you afraid to start? So what if you fail and get broke... maybe you can get back to working. Define the fear. Once you define the fear you are in a better position to take the next step...

4. Make an action plan to manage your fear or just accept it

List your fears and make an action plan to resolve them.

If you want to start a business and you are worried you will lose money then make a plan to absorb the risk. Maybe you can have funds allocated in case you lose money or diversify your investment in some way.

If what you feel is just irrational fear (which might feel very real) as opposed to rational fear then accept the discomfort and act despite the fear. Make a contingency in your planning for the practical things that you are worried about, and accept any emotional discomfort that you might experience so that you are better able to act despite the fear. This will help you improve your self-confidence.

5. Take action and learn more about yourself

Often when we feel fear we make problems much bigger than what they actually are. We also forget that sometimes life decisions are about learning and improving as we might not always get things right the first time. So take action on your endeavours and be willing to have a learning attitude. This will help you overcome fear and improve your self-confidence.

I wish you the best of luck on your success journey.

Source

12 Powerful Tips to Overcome Negative Thoughts

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
Anais Nin

“Having a positive mental attitude is asking how something can be done rather than saying it can’t be done.”
Bo Bennett

“It’s better to be an optimist who is sometimes wrong than a pessimist who is always right.”
Unknown

It starts with just a thought or a feeling. Or maybe with a sentence spoken by someone else.

And then it starts to drag you down.

Into feeling sorry for yourself, worried or into thinking “what’s the point of taking any action at all?” as you walk around in a funk with your own personal rain cloud above your head.

Negativity that wells up inside of you or in the world around you can quickly become toxic and hold you back from living the life you want.

So in this week’s post I want to share 12 tips and habits that have helped me – and still help me – to prevent and to overcome my own negative thoughts but also the negativity that’s sometimes around me.

1. When you’re in what seems like a negative situation, find what’s good or helpful.

If you’ve had a setback, stumbled or failed then things might look bleak and so negative thoughts may start to crop up and threaten to fill your view of this situation.

To counteract that ask yourself better questions.

Questions that will help you to feel better but also to learn so you can grow.

Questions like:
What’s one good thing about this situation?
What’s one thing I can do differently the next time to likely have a better outcome?
What’s one thing I can learn from this?
How would my best friend support and help me in this situation?

2. Reminder: people don’t care that much about what you say or do.

It’s easy to fall into negative thoughts when you think about what people may say or think if you do or do not do something. And so you zap your personal power and may trap yourself in analysis paralysis.

Getting stuck in your head and in thoughts like that will drag you further away from what you want and from reality.

Because the truth is that people don’t have that much time, attention or energy to think or talk about what you do. They have their hands and minds full with their kids, jobs, pets, hobbies and their own fears and worries (like for example what people may think of them).

This realisation and reminder can help you to set yourself free from the constraints you may create in your own mind and help you to start taking small – or bigger steps – towards what you deep down want in your life.

3. Question the thought.

One thing I like to do when a negative thought taps me on the shoulder and tries to start growing in my mind is to simply to question that thought.

I ask myself:

Should I take you seriously?

This most often leads me to say: well, no, I honestly shouldn’t.

Because at that moment in time I’m tired. Or hungry. Or overworked and so negativity can try to cloud my mind.

Or I am getting too focused on one small mistake or one bad day. Instead of focusing on the other 95% of my life that tends to be positive.

Sometimes this question helps me to see that just because I did one small thing wrong doesn’t mean that I did poorly overall. Or that this one negative thing doesn’t mean that things will get worse and stay like that for a long time. Not if I chose optimism and to take small steps forward.

Basically, this question gives me a reality check and grounds me to a level-headed perspective again.

4. Replace the negativity in your surroundings.

What you let into your mind in your everyday life will have big effect on you. So start questioning what you allow in.

Ask yourself:

What are the top 3 sources of negativity in my life?

It could be people, websites, magazines, podcasts, music and so on.

Then ask yourself:

What can I do to spend less time with these 3 sources this week?

If you can’t find ways to do that right now for all three of them then take a smaller step and focus on doing that with just one of these sources.

Then spend the time you’ve freed up this week on more positive sources and people that are already in your life or that you want to explore and perhaps make a new part of it.

5. Stop making mountains out of molehills.

To stop a small negative thought from becoming a big monster in your mind confront it early. You can do that by for example using tip #3 in this article.

Or you can zoom out. Do that by asking yourself a question like:

Will this matter in 5 years? Or even 5 weeks?

This answer is likely in most cases that it won’t and that you were only starting to make a mountain out of a molehill (or out of plain air).

6. Let it out and talk it over.

Keeping negative thoughts that are starting to cloud your whole mind bottled up won’t help.

So let them out. Talk the situation or your thoughts over with someone close to you.

Just venting for a few minutes can often help you to see the situation in new light. Or if not then a conversation about it where the two of you find a more useful perspective and perhaps the start of an action-plan can be both relieving and recharging.

7. Live in and come back to this moment.

When you’re tapping into negative thinking then you’re often thinking about something that happened. Or something that may happen. Or both, all jumbled up as your mood and thoughts sink.

To snap out of that put your attention fully into this moment instead. Into what’s here right now.

Start making it a habit to spend more of your time in the present moment and you’ll, in my experience, naturally have less negative thoughts and be more open and constructive.

A couple of ways to bring yourself back to being mindful and this moment are:
Focus only on your breathing. Take a 1-2 minute pause right now and take a little deeper breaths than you usually do. Make sure you’re breathing with your stomach and through your nose. During this time focus only on the air going in and out and nothing else.
Take in the world around you. Take a 1-2 minute break, get out of your head and put your attention on what’s around you right now. Nothing else. Just focus on the people walking by outside your window, the muffled words and noises from the street, the smells around you and the sun shining in and warming your skin.

8. Go for a short workout.

I find that when I’m having trouble with thinking myself out of negativity then it often works well to change my headspace by using my body.

So I go for a 20-30 minute workout and lift some free weights.

This helps me to release inner tension and worries. And it makes my mind focused and constructive once again.

9. Don’t let the vague fears drag you down.

One common mistake people make when it comes to fears – and that I’ve made many times – is to become scared and run away from them instead of taking a closer look.

It’s of course natural to feel that impulse and to want to avoid it but when fears are vague they can become so much scarier than they need too.

So what can you do? One thing that has helped me is this question:

Realistically, what’s the worst that could happen in this situation?

When you start to ground a fear like that and begin to look at it with your feet firmly planted on the ground then you most often realise that the worst that could happen isn’t really that bad.

It’s often something you can make a plan to come back from it were to happen. And you can also probably start listing and taking action on a few things that will reduce the likelihood of this worst case scenario happening.

By doing this you gain clarity about the situation and what you can do about it and so the fear does tend to become quite a bit smaller.

10. Bring positivity into someone else’s life.

If you get stuck in negative thoughts or victim thinking then one of the simplest ways to get out of your own head and the thoughts bouncing around in there is to focus outwards and on someone else.

By adding positivity to his or her life in some way you too can start to feel better and more optimistic again.

A few ways to add positivity to someone’s life is to:
Be kind. Give him a genuine compliment, hold up the door or let him into your lane while driving your car.
Help out. Give her some good advice that have helped you or help out with moving houses or planning and preparing for the party next weekend.
Just be there. Listen for a few minutes in a focused way as he vents. Or talk his difficult situation over to help him to start finding his way out of it.

11. Be grateful for a few of the things you may often take for granted.

When we get negative it’s easy to forget the positive things in life. Especially the ones that are just a normal part of life that we may take for granted a bit too often.

A few such things that I like to put my attention on and feel grateful for during such negative times are:
Three steady meals a day.
A roof over my head during the cold nights and the rainy and windy days.
As much clean water as I want.
Kind and helpful family and friends.

12. Start tomorrow in a way that sets a positive tone for your day.

How you start your day often sets the tone for it.

A pessimistic or negative start makes it hard to turn things around. But a positive start makes it a lot easier to just keep going with that emotion and the optimistic way of thinking until it is bedtime again.

A couple of simple ways to get your day off to a positive start is:
A simple reminder that you see right after you wake up. It could be one or a couple of quotes that inspire you. Or maybe the goal or dream that you’re most passionate about right now. Write it down on a piece of paper and place it on your bedside table or on the fridge. Or type it in as a part of the lock screen on your smart phone.
Get some positive information or conversation flowing into your mind. Listen to a podcast, read a new blog post or a chapter in a book that motivates you or makes you laugh. Or have a fun or uplifting conversation with your partner, kids or a co-worker.

Source

The Formula for Letting Go

One of the worst ways of spending your day is worrying about something. Whether it’s troubles with money, a fight with a loved one, feeling guilty for something, it doesn’t matter. As long as your mind fixates on worrying about a certain topic, it just ruins your entire day. You can’t focus on anything else and it eats away at you, and the only solution for that is something that’s much easier said than done: letting go.

Everyone tells you to “let it go” when you’re feeling stressed about something, but almost nobody tells you how to let it go, and it’s not easy at all. Usually you try for a few minutes and realise that, if you could, you would have a long time ago. With that in mind, my goal with this post is to explain how you can take those troubles out of your head and enjoy the rest of your day.

First, I’ll show you my formula for letting go and then I’ll explain every aspect of it. Ready? Here it goes.
Can you do anything about what’s troubling you?

Yes = Do it
No = Accept that

I know it seems overly simplistic, but it’s a clear way of remembering the mindset you must have when faced with stressful situations. Let’s dive into it and figure out all the details.
Is There Anything You Can Do?

First of all, you can see that it’s very important to analyze whether you have any control over your troubles or not, because that will determine what you can do about them. If you’re stressed about the results of your job interview, then there’s nothing you can do about it but wait. If you’re feeling guilty because you didn’t work out the entire week, you can simply go to the gym and work out right now to mitigate that.

The problem is, most of the time, we don’t care whether we have control over our problems or not. We worry and worry as if it’s going to change anything, and then feel bad because it didn’t. When you stop and think about how much you can do in this situation, it starts to make that burden lighter because you start focusing on what you can do. You turn your attention to actions instead of feelings.

Once you ask yourself that question, your mindset changes. It puts you in a more logical and analytical position, which is what you need to counter that emotionally charged mindset of worrying about money or relationships, for example. With that said and done, let’s take a look at your options.
If Your Answer Is Yes

If there is something you can do about your situation, you need to figure out what it is. This will force you to accept that you either have to take action or deal with the fact that you put yourself in that position. If you can do something but won’t, you run out of excuses to keep worrying about it.

Let’s say you have a very important exam in a week and you’re feeling stressed. Can you do something about it? Yes, you can study. Now if you decide to study, you can stop feeling guilty or stressed because you are doing your part. Since all the rest isn’t in your control, your best bet is to understand that by doing your part you are giving yourself permission to not worry about it anymore. Feelings aren’t rational and chances are you’ll still feel stressed about it, but your best chance at mitigating that feeling is trying to be rational with yourself. We like to be consistent as human beings so if you show your mind that you’ve done what you could, it’ll be much easier to accept that there’s no need to worry.

However, if you can study but won’t, then you have to deal with that decision. Feeling guilty about it won’t change anything, and you’ve made your mind. In either case you need to get to a definitive answer so you can be at peace. Here you have to accept that you chose not to take action and that’s the end of the story. Put all of this in rational terms so you don’t let your emotions take over. You could do something but you won’t? Fine, then so be it. Accept that and realize that feeling guilty or worrying won’t change the fact that you won’t take action. If you know you won’t study until the night before the test, then accept that and forget about it until the day comes. If you find you can’t forget about it, then study. Whatever you choose, the only way you’ll be at peace is by giving closure to your worries. Do it or don’t, but put an end to it in your mind.
If Your Answer Is No

Now if you can’t do anything about it, it’s a very different story. When the answer was ‘yes’ you had control over certain aspects of your situation. In this case, you most likely feel powerless. It’s one thing to choose not to act and another entirely to not be able to act.

Going back to the exam situation, let’s say you took it and feel you didn’t do well. What can you do about it? Realistically, nothing. Your teacher will grade your exam and all you can do is wait for the results.

This is stressful because you fear the consequences of not doing well on your test, but you feel powerless because it’s too late to study more and you can’t retake it. The key is to understand that there’s nothing you can do, and worrying won’t change that. Although not being in control might seem like a burden, it can actually be your ticket to freedom.

Once you realize that there’s nothing you can do and that being stressed won’t change anything, the only option is letting go. If you’re able to make your mind see the rational side of it, it’ll be easier to realize that all you can do is forget about it until the results come in.

Now I know all of this is very difficult to achieve. Like I said at the beginning: easier said than done, right? But it’s still vital that we understand how this whole ‘letting go’ process should work. In order to help you actually achieve that, let’s take a look at some strategies that might help.
Strategies To Stop Worrying

Whenever we’re worried about something, it’s because we fear the consequences. There wouldn’t be a reason to be concerned with your exams if the grades didn’t stop you from passing the classes, and money wouldn’t be a problem if you didn’t need it to survive. We focus on the problems that might arise and get anxious before anything even happens.

One way of easing that pain is by doing some smart thinking on these very consequences. We have a tendency to exaggerate what would happen if things went wrong, which is one of the reasons why we worry so much. When you look back, you’ll see most of your worries never came to be and were probably much more dramatic than what could have happened. This quote (usually attributed to Mark Twain) captures that feeling pretty well:

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”

Challenge your mind to give you concrete reasons to worry so much about everything, and you might just realise your worries might not be justified.

Now if your worries are justified, think about how big the consequences actually are. As I’ve said above, most of our fears are blown out of proportion. The best way to deal with that is by going through what would be the worst case scenario, how you would get out of it, and what is most likely to happen.

The point here is that we always find a way out, so if you force yourself to actually go through how bad the worst case scenario would be and how you would overcome it, your mind is getting used to the idea that no matter what happens, you can turn this around. It’s also a way of showing you that the consequences are usually much smaller than we make them out to be. Didn’t get the mark you needed to pass a subject in high school? You’ll do it next year; it doesn’t matter at all in the big scheme of things. Lost your life savings in an economic crash? Of course that’s much much worse, but you know you’ll survive this. There’s always a graver situation that’s been overcome before. You know you’ll find a way no matter what happens.

Letting go is about determining whether you can do something or not, and then acting on that information. It’s also about realising that our problems are much more manageable than we tend to realise. In the end, people who are at peace and comfortable with letting go understand that 90% of what we worry about doesn’t matter in the slightest. Once we focus on what is truly important, it becomes harder and harder to care about all the small annoyances of life.

Source

How to Keep Going When You Feel Like Giving Up

“There are no shortcuts to any place worth going,” – Beverly Sills

Have you ever been in so much pain that you just felt like giving up?

I have. A few months ago, while competing in a trail run, I ended up completely lost. A group of us had missed a trail marker and gone down the wrong path for a whole extra mile.

The race was only four miles.

Before taking the wrong turn, I had been in first place. It was demoralizing to have worked so hard only to find out that I was going in the wrong direction. I was scared that I would lose the race I had trained so hard for.

Despite the fear, I knew I had to accept my mistake and turn around. I started running as fast as I could in the opposite direction. The rest of my group kept going, hoping that they would find the trail again soon.

Even though I was tired, I knew why I was there. A friend of mine was recovering from a traumatic brain injury. I was racing to win money for his rehabilitation.

One by one, I passed people, praying that I had enough time left to gain ground.

Ultimately, I ended up making up for my lost time and winning the race. If I hadn’t been able to stay in the moment and ignore the sunk cost of my mistake, it would have been impossible to come back from behind.

Sometimes life is uncomfortable. But even worse than feeling uncomfortable is feeling nothing. Flatlining.

Coincidentally, the things that make us most uncomfortable in life are also usually the most worth it.

From this experience I’ve learned a few things about how to keep going when you feel like giving up.



Why Persevere?
The majority of entrepreneurs fail not because they don’t have enough talent, skill, or good ideas. They fail because they stop too early.

Most bloggers burn out before they ever see the dramatic spike in traffic that they would need to build an audience.

It’s hard to go against the grain. To take your own path. And it’s even harder to continue down that path until it leads somewhere you want to go.

But there is a power in being deliberate. In making a decision to do something and committing to it completely. In seeing that path through no matter what.

Here are three ways to make it out of the woods:

1. Admit You Are Human

We often feel like quitting because we are afraid to fail. We want to go out on our own terms, so we compound our doubt with disappointment in ourselves.

This is a stupid strategy, and it only makes things worse.

The first step when you feel fear is acceptance. Accept that you have human emotions. It’s okay to feel things.

Instead of trying to push aside the pain, re-frame it. If you are feeling this way, it means that others are feeling it too. Some of them will quit. If you can keep going, you will be that much closer to doing what no one has done before.

Make a list of times that you felt discomfort and kept going. Use the list as a reminder that you have been here before. If it were easy, everyone would do it.

Which brings me to my next point…

2. Remember Your “Why”

We sometimes consider giving up because we’re not seeing external results quickly enough. We are impatient for instant gratification. The truth is, things that matter take time.

When you start to question your path, remember why you started down it in the first place.

Most people don’t have very compelling reasons. They are doing it for money, fame, or respect. These rewards are all extrinsic. In other words, they are all external reasons for doing something and they can actually decrease motivation.

There are three main problems with focusing on extrinsic rewards:

They are out of your control
They are fleeting
They create stress
When you begin focusing on intrinsic reasons (e.g. love of your craft, the ability to help people, personal growth and challenge), it is much easier to keep going. You don’t have to wait to get these rewards.

If you need help finding your “why”, download my True North Toolkit. It will help ground you in your strengths, passions, and the problems that you can solve for the world.

3. Stay Present

The third most common reason that we quit is overwhelm.

We look at how far ahead successful people are. We look back at all the time and effort we’ve invested and worry that it could all be for nothing. We look at our massive to-do list and wonder how we will ever get it all done.

Stop.

Be where you are now. Be grateful for everything exactly the way that it is. Later, you will look back on the hard times and smile, knowing this was the good stuff.

Now, go back to the basics and take small, actionable steps.

Ask yourself: What could I do right now that would excite me and build forward momentum?

Then go.

The best path is usually not the path of least resistance. Take it anyway.

source