What To Do What Your Anger Is Out Of Control

How frequent is it when you notice that your anger and emotions are getting out of control that's driving you all sorts of inappropriate, reckless, crazy behaviors?

To the majority of us, it's undeniable that life is tough, challenging and stressful these days. However, it is still important to learn how to control your temper.

One critical thing to remember is that you are always 100% in control of your emotions.

While you should never find yourself in a situation that you can't control, you always have choices as to how to react to any kinds of situations.

By allowing yourself to even think that your temper is controlled by other people or circumstances, you are just making an excuse for yourself!

To a certain extent, anger is actually a powerful emotional response.

It reminds you what you don't like about your life and what matters to you. It allows you freely express your frustrated feelings, but it should never overpower your self-control.

If you find that you are turning into a violent beast when angry hits you, you have an imminent dangerous problem to fix. If you really find it difficult to handle, you might as well consult some anger management experts for advice.

Remember this powerful paradigm shift: It is not how you are feeling that is wrong. It is what you do with your feelings that become the issue.

If you allow yourself to throw a tantrum and fling your arms around, ranting wildly like a lion king, this is obviously not a good sign. You are liable to hurt other people's feelings as well as possibly causing them physical harm.

When you let your temper get the better out of you, you may face serious consequences like:

Detrimental to your unstable mental health

Severely damaging your physical health, some may even trigger heart attacks or latent diseases

Ruining your professional career because you're confronting your boss, colleagues or even clients in a mindless way

Destroying relationships with friends, family, lovers and co-workers

Failing to create the kind of impact you want in the world because no one wants to help you with your vision and mission

Luckily, there are solutions to this problem.

Your first step is to seek out help and learn to manage your temper in a more effective way. This can include group therapy or it can consist of you learning how to manage your anger by yourself.

Learning to control your temper will take time, energy, effort and patience. One of the first things you should do is to try to determine what the root cause of your anger is.

Did you grow up in an angry household where you witnessed a lot of fights and dramas? 

Have you experienced a traumatic event in the past about people?

Sometimes the root cause of anger can be hidden deep inside. It is only with a lot of self-reflection, soul-searching and meditating that the answers will be revealed.

Find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed and start making a list of all the things that make you angry. Then put them in order of importance - which one lights your fuse first. Once you know what your root cause is, you will be able to devise a better strategy to deal with it and slowly change your behavior.

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Don't Let Stress Get the Best of You

We all have felt like we are under situations where our to-do lists seem endless; our days and nights become one but the overwhelming task just doesn't end. Situations when deadlines are fast approaching and you catch yourself saying 'My goodness, I am under so much stress'. That is a good understanding of stress.

But what is stress?

It is a condition under which the body feels like it is under attack and it switches to a 'fight or flight' mode. There are a lot of chemicals released in your body like cortisol, epinephrine and norepinephrine that change the functions of your body. All the unnecessary bodily functions shut down to help you escape this attack.

Let's use an example to better understand the fight or flight response of the body. Imagine you are walking down a lonely street and you are carrying enough money to enjoy a dinner with your friends at a five-star restaurant. Suddenly, a man jumps at you from behind a tree and points a knife at you. You could do one of the two things- 

Fight: you will make an attack strategy to knock down the thief and your body will prepare you for it.

Flight: you will look for the easiest escape route and run for your life, maybe even screaming for help on your way.

Let's list some causes that could give you stress in your life.

• Fast approaching deadlines at work or studying in a crunch time during exams. 

• Facing financial difficulties or road blocks in relationships. 

• Thinking you are not good enough for any task and feeling guilty for being a burden on everyone. 

• Not being flexible enough therefore having difficulty in adjusting to new situations. 

• Not being able to adjust or compromise easily. 

• Getting easily affected by anything pessimistic that others say.

Now we should look at the symptoms of stress; the ways in which we can recognize ourselves under stress.

• Difficulty in concentrating on the task at hand. 

• Not being able to remember small things you wouldn't forget otherwise. 

• Seeing negativity in everything. It becomes very difficult to see the glass half full. 

• Constantly worrying or being anxious. 

• Isolating yourself from everyone. 

• Feeling irritable or moody.

Stress is manageable. Before it gets out of hand we must learn to control it. Here are ways to keep stress from getting out of hand.

Adopt efficiency- when you have to many things to finish, make a time table and follow 

it closely. That way you will get everything done little by little and it won't stress you out.

Meditate- when your body starts reacting under stress, meditating will help you stay calm and on top of things.

Learn to say no- when you already have too much work to finish and someone gives you more work, don't feel bad in saying no. It is important to not wear yourself out. 

Eat right- when you are under stress you could either lose your appetite or it could become bigger than usual. But you must learn to eat the right kind of things and in an appropriate proportion.

Get enough sleep- but trying to finish all your work and skipping sleep, you won't be helping yourself. Your body will get tired faster and you will lose energy more quickly. 

You may be thinking that stress is a bad thing to have and you will try to escape it all the time. But don't worry, stress is good. It is only when you're under stress that you can push yourself to do better and achieve the impossible. You only have to keep it under control.

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Finding Inner Peace

Finding inner peace is the path of letting go, even though, the path could be as hard or simple as a person makes the journey of self acceptance.

"He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe" ~ Marcus Aurelius

There are always many ups and downs in every one's life. Sometimes we get stuck in a world of confusion, wondering how we find a constant inner peace in our hearts and lives, when there is always something wrong in our lives or the lives of those we love.

What happens when we start to feel down or stressed?

First of all some kind of negative thought comes into our mind that gets us discouraged and anxious. The next thing that happens, is that we start believing in that thought. And feeding it with more arguments, which in turn gets us into a deeper state of confusion and sadness. Next thing we know, we find ourselves, there in that deep mud hole. We look around and all is doom and gloom.

What can we do so that this does not even happen?

1 - Accept what is: Life is unpredictable. Nothing is permanent, everything changes; and of course, a lot of things can happen that will transform who we are and have an impact on our life. The problem is that we need to be prepared to truly accept whatever comes and embrace it. This is what I have noticed with so many people, in that we focus and linger on things which we have no control over. Why worry about something that all the worrying in the world will not change? Why care about what other people think of us when we're not even sure what it is they are actually thinking? Yes, acceptance is a choice-a hard one most definitely, but a choice nonetheless. By practicing acceptance we learn to live in this changing world, where we never know what's going to happen next. Acceptance is like protecting ourselves with our own shields." You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give" ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

2 - Meditate: Meditation makes us mentally strong, and emotionally resilient. It reduces the tendency to react, increases the tendency to respond and is an effective way to de-stress our minds. If you are not meditating yet then, you are missing out on a very important activity that can change your life. When you have a lot on your mind and you feel like your thoughts are driving you crazy, meditation can help you find peace, calmness and more self acceptance. Meditation helps turning one's life into a more beautiful, harmonious and happy one. When mind, body and spirit are in harmony, then everything seems right with the world."Through concentration and meditation you become the boss of your mind, and gain the ability to tell it when to be active and when to stay silent" ~ Remez Sasson

3 - Spend time in nature: Nature calls you back to reality. We can't stop it from raining. We can't delay the setting sun. We can't set the temperature to a comfortable degree. When we are climbing a mountain, our muscles are going to burn. But with this surrender comes such relief! We awake from a dream and realize how little control we really have. We remember that hardship and lack of control are part of life, and accepting this reality makes it not only bearable, but possible to feel the joy of being alive. By being in nature we feel comfortable in our own skin, we experience our own quiet peace and strength, we sense the inner us that is the true us. The mask we present to the outer world is irrelevant for a time, and put in its proper place. Nature helps us to connect with this powerful, loving presence, whether we call it GOD, Earth Mother, the Great Mystery or any another name. Nature brings us closer to GOD, our own spirit and helps us to live lives of meaning and joy. "The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As longs as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles." ~ Anne Frank

4 - Learn the power of a smile: A smile is a powerful key to living happy from the inside out. The simple act of smiling sends a message to your brain that you're happy. And when you're happy, your body pumps out all kinds of feel-good endorphins. Smiles are powerful and contagious. Don't hesitate to smile warmly at friends, family, colleagues and even strangers. Never stop smiling! God smiles on us each and every day. His love has no depth, his mercy no end. His arms are open wide, just step into them. "Smile and the world will smile with you."

5 - Choose to help others: Care for others genuinely around you. What you put out, you really get back in life. Being caring allows us to have empathy for others and to live a life based on affection, love, and compassion for the people around us. When we make a positive impact in someone else's life, we also make a positive impact in our own lives. Any act of kindness and goodwill eases our way towards inner peace. When we start helping others, we stop thinking about our so-called problems and then we realize that our life is not so bad after all. Do something that's greater than you - something that helps someone else to be happy or to suffer less. "No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another." ~ Charles Dickens

6 - Never lose hope: Never give up. Never lose hope. Always have faith, it allows you to cope better during the trying times. Having hope is a personal decision, a bold conviction-a choice, and with hope we always have a path towards peace. Having hope is an active, decisive mindset etched into every single moment. No matter the haze and fog that clouds our vision, hope's laser cuts through, and never losing sight of her shimmering stars. Hope is something we can never afford to lose Who we really are is based on values we choose to live by, such as believing in the possible, believing in the goodness of others, and believing in the power of love and hope. When we decide to passionately pursue our greatest purpose, then we become the hope in our lives and manifest her greatest dreams, because we refuse to consider any other possibility. As Henry James put it, "Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact."

7 - Embrace your beliefs: I am not here to favour any belief system over another, but whatever it is that you are believing in, hold it closely in your arms, accept it willingly and enthusiastically, as by being within your faith, peace will find its way into your heart. We all might have different opinion in regards to our belief systems, but one thing that we all have to acknowledge is that without a healthy and solid belief system, we won't be able to find a fair conscience which could show us the way towards peace and wisdom. "Faith is universal. Our specific methods for understanding it are arbitrary. In the end we are all just searching for truth, that which is greater than ourselves." ~ Dan Brown

8 - Live in the present moment: When we live fully in the present moment, our awareness becomes completely centred on the here and now. We won't worry about the future or thinking about the past. How often have you been worrying about things that have yet to come, or how often have you been beating yourself for mistakes that you've made, no matter how much time has passed? Too much time, I believe. Not only living in present moment has a significant effect on our emotional health, but also it has a great impact on our physical wellbeing. By living in present moment we live in acceptance; we accept life the way it is, not the way we wish, it should have been. And when we live in acceptance, we realize that everything is complete as it is. We can forgive ourselves for the mistakes we've made, and we can have peace in our hearts knowing that everything that should happen will. "If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is."

Finding inner peace is not a simple or short path, but it is a process that we can all learn. It is a journey which needs to be appreciated every step of the way. We have to be willing to let go and step outside the box that we have accepted ourselves to be put into, in the first place and start from scratch. We have to be ready getting to know ourselves all over again and be willing to make mistakes. And most importantly, we have to realize that only we have control over our emotional responses and reactions and they can be changed for the better. And finally when serenity and unconditional love fill our hearts, we will accept that we cannot go back, and will not give up what we have now found, that peace that we seem to have been searching for our whole lives. "Remember, the entrance door to the sanctuary is inside you." ~ Rumi

Inner peace resides within us at all times. It has been said the only thing that prevents the human mind from finding peace, is the human mind itself. "Nothing can bring you peace but yourself."

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Start With Desire

"Desire is the starting point of all achievement." Napoleon Hill.

Hill was not talking about an interest, a hope, or a wish for something. He was talking about a burning desire for something that exceeds any other longing.

If you do not have that desire yet for a specific thing then just start with a desire to be successful.

Once you resolve to be successful, start your self-improvement while you search for a specific goal.

That search should consider work that pleases you, a lifestyle that makes you happy, and achievement of a goal that makes you proud.

Depending on your interests, you might have more than one type of work that pleases you. Think about the alternatives in relation to the type of lifestyle each offers or requires.

Let's say that you have the skills to play professional baseball. Yet, you love the idea of spending lots of time with your wife and children. Do the two match? From what little I know, major league baseball players spend a lot of time during the season away from home. And the season could be six months long. Would that be a good match for you, or not?

There seem to be a number of higher level jobs that demand of lot of time spent working. And that work is mostly away from home.

Each of us is different. You might be willing to sacrifice lots of family time in order to be proud that you are a professional athlete, a Wall Street leader, or a high-priced lawyer.

Choosing one area that meets the three criteria I listed and creates a burning desire might not be easy. You must look at all the ideals you have for your life. Then you have to weigh the options in which you might be able to maintain those ideals while choosing a type of work, a lifestyle, and a way to be proud of yourself.

Depending on where you already are in life, perhaps you cannot find a choice that is perfect. If you are already a parent with children can you still choose to be a professional athlete? Holding to one value might prohibit selecting another.

Back to Napoleon Hill's quote. Once you have the desire to be successful, then find a goal for which you can have a burning desire because, overall, that goal gives you the best chance of preserving your ideals and making you happy.

When you have finally found your extraordinary goal spend time daily imagining the details of your happy life and feeling the pride of achievement.

This imagination will fuel the fire for your goal. As your imagination of a proud and happy life intensifies, so will your desire. And continued imagination will cause your desire to burn.

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Happiness Is a State of Mind

Your happiness is not dependent on external things. If it were, it would not be possible to find lasting happiness.

Your happiness is dependent only on the state of your mind. Knowing this gives you the power to determine your own happiness.

The good news is that it means that you have a choice to be happy or not. The bad news is that you can only have this choice when you are totally aware of this fact that your happiness is entirely in your hands. This fact is unfortunately not as obvious as we would like it to be. In fact, most people cannot see this truth. For them, their mind has been so conditioned to think of getting happiness from people and things outside of themselves that to be told that they are the real source of their own happiness is quite simply unbelievable.

Yet, this is the truth. Your happiness is indeed in your hands. To be more precise, your happiness is in your mind.

You do not have to believe me. Instead, you can do an experiment on your own life. Choose to be happy, just for a day. Make it today. Make it this moment. Consciously choose to be happy, and see how your attitude and state of mind change to reflect that choice. Is your mind lighter? Less tense? Less tightly wound up? Less rigid? More open? More liberated? Simply by choosing happiness, you can immediately feel the lightness of your being.

However, if you have been conditioning your mind to be tight, unhappy and fearful all these while, do not expect that it will be easy to simply switch to be happy. It takes persistent effort. Old habits die hard. They keep coming back because they feel familiar. Therefore, to replace an old habit with a new one, you need to be aware as often as you can. Stay alert to your state of mind. Keep reminding yourself to choose happiness. Gradually train your mind to be happy, to relax and to lighten up. Be aware of how you feel when your mind is in this new state. Do you feel better? Happier? Lighter? It is important to experience this new state, and be aware of it. It is very rewarding, and it will continue to motivate you to be alert and aware of your state of mind.

So, how do you make your mind happy all the time?

You simply have to keep doing this - be aware of your mental state, and make a conscious choice to be happy - every day, every moment. Make it a new habit of yours to constantly check on your mind state whenever you remember - when you wake up in the morning, when you shower, when you eat, when you take a break, when you are about to go to sleep. You can do it anytime, any place. When it has become habitual, then you will be able to be happy everyday.

Remember, happiness is a state of mind.

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10 Reasons to Chase Your Passion & Not the Money

We’ve all been in that situation…

We had to decide between whether or not to chase something that makes more money, or something that we are more interested in.

So what do we do?

Answering this question is not easy. It may seem easy because everyone around you is telling you to follow your passion. But in reality, it’s much tougher because some part of you still think you will be happier with the money.


10 Reasons to Chase Your Passion

Today I want to share with you 10 solid reasons, which I learnt from successful people, on why you should chase your passion. Not the money.


1. Becoming really good at what you’re interested in can bring you even more money, even if you think it can’t

Now, I’m not one of those spiritual gurus who will tell you that you can make infinite money from any skill or passion or interest you can think of. If it was that easy everyone would already be doing it.

What I am saying is simply that if you can become really good at what you do you can make a lot of money doing it. If there is market demand for your skill. Of course, some interests are very tough to turn into money.

VERY FEW PEOPLE, IF ANY, WILL PAY TO WATCH YOU SIT ON A COUCH AND WATCH TV.

But one thing I can tell you is that you probably underestimated how many skills can be turned into passions. For example, most people do not think that you can make a decent living let alone a great living off a topic like spirituality.

But when you dive into the subject, you find people like Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer who have made a lot of money off that exact topic.


2. Money can act as a crutch you depend on

There are tons of successful wealthy people who depend on money to validate their existence.


Some of them use money to show off to others. Some of them use it to show their superiority. And Some of them buy all these expensive things just because culture has told them that this is what success is.

THE PROBLEM IS THAT DEEP DOWN THEY STILL FEEL UNHAPPY AND UNFULFILLED. I HEAR STORIES ABOUT THIS ALMOST EVERYDAY WHEN I LISTEN TO PODCASTS OF SUCCESSFUL ENTREPRENEURS.

By first establishing a solid independent foundation where you do not have to depend on money, you can live freely once you have it. Otherwise your possessions end up owning you rather than the other way around.

3. Money can come and go

There are very few things in the world that we can really fully control.

As hinted at in the last point, if you do not have a solid foundation of internal love and independence, you leave yourself open to being dependent on factors of life you cannot control for your happiness.

And when you leave your life up to a couple of factors that can change in a moment’s notice, they sometimes do change.

Sometimes it can seem like you have a rock solid business or career that is generating a lot of money for you. But all the same, one day, you lose that money because that career or business meets unexpected obstacles.

If you can find internal passion, you can still find love and joy and delight at what you do regardless of if you are broke, middle-income, or rich.

4. Money will not bring you as much happiness as you think

In the past, any advice on what brings happiness was purely based on opinion.

And the problem with opinion is that you don’t know if it’s actually fact or not. Nowadays, there has been extensive scientific studies done on the science of happiness. We have definitive evidence on what brings happiness and what does not.

SCIENCE HAS SHOWN THE AMOUNT OF EXTRA LONG-TERM HAPPINESS, AS YOU’RE INCREASING HOW MUCH YOU EARN, RAPIDLY DIMINISHES AFTER YOU HIT A MODEST FIRST WORLD MIDDLE-INCOME.

The craziest part about modern society is that 99% of people still case excessive money. Based on a false belief that it will give them a huge long-lasting boost in happiness. save yourself some time.


5. If you start with money, you can end up miserable

This is a simple but often overlooked fact. Many people chase, and chase, and chase the money until they get a lot of it. But then they look around and they find themselves in a career or business that they cannot get out of and no time to spend that money.

The worst part?

They absolutely hate every single second that they spend working because they found themselves in an industry that they hate.

I don’t know about you, but I do not think success is working 10 to 12 hour days at a job that you hate to make excessive amounts of money that you don’t even have the time to spend or enjoy.


6. By chasing money first, you can end up in a cycle of constant never-ending chasing

Many people who chase money first end up in an addictive cycle of chasing more and more, even once they hit their financial goals. They quickly get used to the money that they achieved and it’s never enough.

The scientific term for this process, taking the money we have for granted, is called the hedonic treadmill.

Now, notice how I said “many.”

Some people are smarter than that. Some people who chase money first quickly realise that money shouldn’t be their main goal. And so they start sculpting their career into one that follows passion as well.

Others eventually learn that this cycle is not the right way and they turn to passion, purpose and fulfilment.

YOU CAN GET A HEAD-START BY STARTING WITH PASSION AND PURPOSE TO BEGIN WITH. I’M NOT SAYING THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER TAKE ANY MONEY.

Money is good. I am simply saying that while you are reaching and moving towards higher and higher goals, you should always have a sense of independent fulfilment, that doesn’t depend on more money for your levels of happiness.

7. Status, Validation and Ego end up being meaningless

Countless successful people strive their entire lives for awards, medals, and achievements.

Some of it is healthy. These are people who want to break the mold, who want to break records that have never been achieved, or even change the entire industry in a way that no one has ever seen before.

But others do what they do for internal validation or unhealthy psychological reasons. Many successful entrepreneurs made all their money simply because they were never validated or proved as a child. This can lead to an unhealthy, unfeeling desire that never ends.

The biggest reason why spending too much time chasing your self validation is that you will die one day. There are plenty of people who have all these awards and accomplishments at their deathbed but they still feel unfulfilled when they die and no one really loves them.

I really like the billionaire Warren Buffett’s philosophy on this topic because he believes that he would rather sacrifice making more money so that the people that he wants to love him actually love him.

He came to this conclusion after seeing a lot of rich people he knew who had all these monuments named after them yet no one that they wanted to love them actually love them. Everyone was simply there at the funeral to see if they can get any money.

8. Money gets old

It’s very tough for someone who never had much money to really understand the idea of money gets old.

But one way of relating, is to think of something that you really used to love or look forward to as a child that you now have and you have gotten used to and taken for granted.

This could be your clothes, the food that you can buy, or just the privileges you have. for me, it is the indoor plumbing and access to ice cream that I did not have as a child frequently that I now have all the time.

In a similar way, a lot of wealthy people have admitted that their expensive toys get old.

Many of them sell businesses that they are passionate about to play on the golf course every day. But after a couple months or years playing at the golf course, they get bored and end up returning to business.

Especially when you are young, having a lot of money and no passion can lead to a lot of boredom. Many people who stumble upon a lot of money end up quickly losing that spark within a couple years.

They should realise that they have losing that spark within a couple years. They should realise that they have Decades of their life ahead of them and not much else to spend their money on decades of your life ahead of them and not much else to spend their money on.


9. With a passion, you have something that is with you no matter where you go

Passion stays with you.

No matter how tough your day is or if you have a lot of money, you always know that your day will mostly be filled with enjoyment because you love what you do.

On the other hand, if you only have money, you don’t know how the rest of your day will turn out. In fact, your day could be completely horrible most of the time because you are at a job that you absolutely hate going to and every moment is driving you insane.


10. A passion is like wine. It gets better with age (unlike money)

Many people get more and more interested in their craft as they progressed and become Masters at their craft. They end up being able to do more interesting sophisticated and pool things as they get older and have more years of practice under their belt.

EVERY YEAR BECOMES MORE AND MORE EXCITING AS THEY CAN TRY OUT NEW THINGS. DO MORE INTRICATE AND COMPLEX THINGS. AND GET GREATER RESULTS BECAUSE THEY’RE BUILDING SKILLS.

Money, on the other hand, gets old. The older you get, the less utility it has for you. Maybe you wanted to travel the world when you were young. But now that you’re old, your body cannot handle travelling. And your eyes are too weak to really experience the sites.

A lot of the cool experiences you wish you had dulled with age. Or they just become less of a priority or less enjoyable.

Warren Buffett calls this saving up sex for old age. You can still have a lot of fun when you are old but it’s also important to realise that many things were meant to be enjoyed young.


Conclusion
Money is important. I’m not saying to give up on making money. I’m actually saying that you should have it all if you want it. If you want to do it right though, you should start with finding out what is your passion and your purpose.

IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE YOUR END-ALL-BE-ALL GRAND ANSWER. JUST START MOVING TOWARDS IT OR TESTING DIFFERENT THINGS OUT.

By starting with your passion and purpose, your happiness will naturally rise and stay there based on science. And you will have a solid foundation to continue living your life and improving it to make more money.

This leave you with a castle built with a solid foundation. Instead of one built on sand pillars that easily crumble.

Unfortunately, most people build their castles on sand by chasing the money first. They ending up quitting a highly profitable job or business, because they cannot take the lack of interest anymore.


Wrapping up

Now, I have a question for you:
What’s the number one reason that really impacted you on this list?

Let me know in the comments below and let me know why it help you so much. your import could really help another reader make the breakthrough that they have been seeking.