Self-Worth: Why Not Make Yourself A Priority?

When is the last time you did something nice for yourself? Has it been months, possibly years? In order for you to love others, you must first love yourself. A way to increase your self-worth is to make yourself a priority. This may seem foreign to some women. Many of us have been taught to put everyone else's needs before ours. We were taught certain beliefs in our childhoods that we have carried with us into adulthood. Without realizing it, these beliefs have shaped our behaviors as adults. We picked up on certain things and learned certain things based on who we grew up around and what we were exposed to. For example, if you grew up seeing your mother fix everyone's plate first and she always ate last, then you may have grown up to believe that you are always supposed to eat last. I'm not saying whether that is right or wrong, it was just an example to show how our beliefs affect us. Whatever we were taught is what we have come to believe and it shows up in our lives. If you did not grow up seeing or having examples of women loving themselves and taking care of themselves, then you probably don't do that. Try to become aware of why you don't or have not made yourself a priority. Having some understanding of whom or what may have helped create your beliefs positively impacts you.

Self-love is an absolute must. Putting yourself first is good for you and everyone around you. The better you feel, the better your energy. That good energy spreads to other areas of your life. It's never too late to make a change. What brings you joy? What makes you feel good inside? Do you have a hobby that you always enjoyed but put on the backburner? Think about the things that make you smile or that get you excited just thinking about them. It could be anything. For some women, it may be dancing. For some, it may be painting. For some, it may simply be reading a good book. Whatever it is for you, try to get back to that in some way. Take time out for yourself. Give more to yourself. When you're happy on the inside, it radiates on the outside. Putting your energy into something that you really like, love or feel good about makes you feel good. When you feel good, you are more confident. There's nothing like a confident woman who knows her self-worth.

Today's women are doing it all. We all get caught up in our busy lives but we deserve time to ourselves. We deserve time to unwind and do something to rejuvenate ourselves. Whether it's going to the spa, getting your hair done, a massage, etc., the point is to do whatever makes you feel good. Love yourself. Even just dedicating an hour of quiet time to yourself could be how you give to yourself. There is nothing wrong with loving yourself and making yourself a priority. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for taking care of yourself. You deserve that.

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Don't Let Stress Get the Best of You

We all have felt like we are under situations where our to-do lists seem endless; our days and nights become one but the overwhelming task just doesn't end. Situations when deadlines are fast approaching and you catch yourself saying 'My goodness, I am under so much stress'. That is a good understanding of stress.

But what is stress?

It is a condition under which the body feels like it is under attack and it switches to a 'fight or flight' mode. There are a lot of chemicals released in your body like cortisol, epinephrine and norepinephrine that change the functions of your body. All the unnecessary bodily functions shut down to help you escape this attack.

Let's use an example to better understand the fight or flight response of the body. Imagine you are walking down a lonely street and you are carrying enough money to enjoy a dinner with your friends at a five-star restaurant. Suddenly, a man jumps at you from behind a tree and points a knife at you. You could do one of the two things- 

Fight: you will make an attack strategy to knock down the thief and your body will prepare you for it.

Flight: you will look for the easiest escape route and run for your life, maybe even screaming for help on your way.

Let's list some causes that could give you stress in your life.

• Fast approaching deadlines at work or studying in a crunch time during exams. 

• Facing financial difficulties or road blocks in relationships. 

• Thinking you are not good enough for any task and feeling guilty for being a burden on everyone. 

• Not being flexible enough therefore having difficulty in adjusting to new situations. 

• Not being able to adjust or compromise easily. 

• Getting easily affected by anything pessimistic that others say.

Now we should look at the symptoms of stress; the ways in which we can recognize ourselves under stress.

• Difficulty in concentrating on the task at hand. 

• Not being able to remember small things you wouldn't forget otherwise. 

• Seeing negativity in everything. It becomes very difficult to see the glass half full. 

• Constantly worrying or being anxious. 

• Isolating yourself from everyone. 

• Feeling irritable or moody.

Stress is manageable. Before it gets out of hand we must learn to control it. Here are ways to keep stress from getting out of hand.

Adopt efficiency- when you have to many things to finish, make a time table and follow 

it closely. That way you will get everything done little by little and it won't stress you out.

Meditate- when your body starts reacting under stress, meditating will help you stay calm and on top of things.

Learn to say no- when you already have too much work to finish and someone gives you more work, don't feel bad in saying no. It is important to not wear yourself out. 

Eat right- when you are under stress you could either lose your appetite or it could become bigger than usual. But you must learn to eat the right kind of things and in an appropriate proportion.

Get enough sleep- but trying to finish all your work and skipping sleep, you won't be helping yourself. Your body will get tired faster and you will lose energy more quickly. 

You may be thinking that stress is a bad thing to have and you will try to escape it all the time. But don't worry, stress is good. It is only when you're under stress that you can push yourself to do better and achieve the impossible. You only have to keep it under control.

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Patience, Understanding And Tolerance

Nothing is free and it all comes from somewhere and something. Everything worthwhile takes patience, understanding and tolerance to build. Without those qualities, you or anyone are like the playful grasshopper that cannot build an ant hill, and you just jump around impatiently. Without understanding, combined with that impatience, you end up freezing in the cold with total "I want to have fun in the present" intolerance just like the grasshopper in the old fable about the ant and the grasshopper.

I am not saying be overly cautious and save your whole life for the afterlife, but I am saying that you should make prudent choices that include patience, understanding and tolerance with them and in them. In short: Be rationally flexible and all else will be added to your life ultimately.

Let me go into what I mean by that word "ultimately": I mean the sum total of all your rational actions in existence and consciousness that are for total and completely beneficial to you, not those actions that feed you today and fill your immediate needs now and only now.

Now, that I have told you what I meant by "ultimately", you can breathe a sigh of relief that I am not telling you to save your whole life and future better existence for a "rainy day" and I am not telling you to take a "rain check" on what is currently going on, however undesirable or not ideal it seems.

So, do not lend me your minds, use your mind to make a better now and later out of the past, meaning learn from the past but do not live in it. Take from this article what is valuable and use it in your own life well. I am not an authority, I am not perfect or even great. I simply observe and write down "what is up" with it all realistically. That is it.

Listen, like anyone, I want to be wonderful, great, perfect and all of that at times when I miss the mark, like anyone. But, those times I miss the mark are valuable because I learn to be better and actually end up better. That is tolerance. As for patience and understanding, that is why I put them before the tolerance in the title, because you must have those first to get to tolerance. Indeed, life is as good as we make it through those three things. For, faking it until we make it never works, and it is real cheating anyway. Being real all the way through is where it is at and is "the real easy way" anyway. When you cheat, even if you succeed, what you skipped comes back to haunt you anyway. So, why not be real through genuine patience, understanding and tolerance anyway. The best way is the real way.

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How to Stop Overthinking Everything: 9 Simple Habits

What is holding people back from the life that they truly want to live?

I’d say that one very common and destructive thing is that they think too much.

They overthink every little problem until it becomes bigger and scarier and it actually is. Overthink positive things until they don’t look so positive anymore.

Or overanalyze and deconstruct things and so the happiness that comes from just enjoying something in the moment disappears.

Now, thinking things through can be a great thing of course. But being an overthinker can result in becoming someone who stands still in life. In becoming someone who self-sabotages the good things that happen in life.


I know. I used to overthink things a lot and it held me back in ways that weren’t fun at all.

But in the past 8 years or so I have learned how to make this issue so small that it very rarely pops up anymore. And if it does then I know what to do then to overcome it.

In this article I would like to share 9 habits that have helped me in a big, big way to become a simpler and smarter thinker and to live a happier and less fearful life.

1. Put things into a wider perspective.

It is very easy to fall into the trap of overthinking minor things in life.

So when you are thinking and thinking about something ask yourself:

Will this matter in 5 years? Or even in 5 weeks?

I have found that widening the perspective by using this simple question can snap me quickly out of overthinking and help me to let that situation go and focus my time and energy on something that actually does matter to me.

2. Set short time-limits for decisions.

If you do not have a time-limit for when you must make a decision and take action then you can just keep turning your thoughts around and around and view them from all angles in your mind for a very long time.

So learn to become better at making decisions and to spring into action by setting deadlines in your daily life. No matter if it is a small or bigger decision.

Here’s what have worked for me.
For small decisions like if should go and do the dishes, respond to an email or work out I usually give myself 30 seconds or less to make a decision.
For somewhat larger decisions that would have taken me days or weeks to think through in the past I use a deadline for 30 minutes or for the end of the workday.

3. Become a person of action.

When you know how to get started with taking action consistently each day then you’ll procrastinate less by overthinking.

Setting deadlines is one thing that have helped me to become much more of person of action.

Taking small steps forward and only focusing on getting one small step done at a time is another habit that have worked really well.

It works so well because you do not feel overwhelmed and so you do not want flee into procrastination. And even though you may be afraid, taking just a step is such a small thing that you do not get paralyzed in fear.

4. Realize that you cannot control everything.

Trying to think things through 50 times can be a way to try to control everything. To cover every eventuality so you do not risk making a mistake, fail or looking like a fool.

But those things are a part of living a life where you truly stretch your comfort zone. Everyone who you may admire and have lived a life that inspires you has failed. They have made mistakes.

But in most cases they have also seen these things as valuable feedback to learn from. Those things that may look negative have taught them a lot and have been invaluable to help them to grow.

So stop trying to control everything. Trying to do so simply doesn’t work because no one can see all possible scenarios in advance.

This is of course easier said than done. So do it in small steps if you like.

5. Say stop in situation where you know you cannot think straight.

Sometimes when I am hungry or when I am lying in bed and are about to go to sleep negative thoughts start buzzing around in my mind.

In the past they could do quite a bit of damage. Nowadays I have become good at catching them quickly and to say to myself:

No, no, we are not going to think about this now.

I know that when I am hungry or sleepy then my mind sometimes tend to be vulnerable to not thinking clearly and to negativity.

So I follow up my “no, no…” phrase and I say to myself that I will think this situation or issue through when I know that my mind will work much better.

For example, after I have eaten something or in the morning after I have gotten my hours of sleep.

It took a bit of practice to get this to work but I have gotten pretty good at postponing thinking in this way. And I know from experience that when I revisit a situation with some level-headed thinking then in 80% of the cases the issue is very small to nonexistent.

And if there is a real issue then my mind is prepared to deal with it in much better and more constructive way.

6. Do not get lost in vague fears.

Another trap that I have fallen into many times that have spurred on overthinking is that I have gotten lost in vague fears about a situation in my life. And so my mind running wild has created disaster scenarios about what could happen if I do something.

So I have learned to ask myself: honestly, what is the worst that could happen?

And when I have figured out what the worst that could happen actually is then I can also spend a little time to think about what I can do if that often pretty unlikely thing happens.

I have found that the worst that could realistically happen is usually something that is not as scary as what my mind running wild with vague fear could produce.

Finding clarity in this way usually only takes a few minutes of time and bit of energy and it can save you a lot of time and suffering.

7. Work out.

This might sound a bit odd.

But in my experience working out – especially with lifting weights – can help me to let go of inner tensions and worries.

It most often makes me feel more decisive and when I was more of an overthinker then it was often my go-to method of changing the headspace I was in to a more constructive one.

8. Spend more of your time in the present moment.

By being in the present moment in your everyday life rather than in the past or a possible future in your mind you can replace more and more of the time you usually spend on overthinking things with just being here right now instead.

Three ways that I often use to reconnect with the present moment are:
Slow down. Slow down how you do whatever you are doing right now. Move slower, talk slower or ride your bicycle more slowly for example. By doing so you become more aware of how you use your body and what is happening all around you right now.
Tell yourself: Now I am… I often tell myself this: Now I am X. And X could be brushing my teeth. Taking a walk in the woods. Or doing the dishes. This simple reminder helps my mind to stop wandering and brings my focus back to what is happening in this moment.
Disrupt and reconnect. If you feel you are getting lost in overthinking then disrupt that thought by – in your mind – shouting this to yourself : STOP! Then reconnect with the present moment by taking just 1-2 minutes to focus fully on what is going on around you. Take it all in with all your senses. Feel it, hear it, smell it, see it and sense it on your skin.

9. Spend more of your time with people who do not overthink things.

Your social environment plays a big part. And not just the people and groups close to you in real life. But also what you read, listen to and watch. The blogs, books, forums, movies, podcasts and music in your life.

So think about if there are any sources in your life – close by or further away – that encourages and tends create more overthinking in your mind. And think about what people or sources that has the opposite effect on you.

Find ways to spend more of your time and attention with the people and sources that have a positive effect on your thinking and less on the influences that tends to strengthen your overthinking habit.

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