Finding Inner Peace

Finding inner peace is the path of letting go, even though, the path could be as hard or simple as a person makes the journey of self acceptance.

"He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe" ~ Marcus Aurelius

There are always many ups and downs in every one's life. Sometimes we get stuck in a world of confusion, wondering how we find a constant inner peace in our hearts and lives, when there is always something wrong in our lives or the lives of those we love.

What happens when we start to feel down or stressed?

First of all some kind of negative thought comes into our mind that gets us discouraged and anxious. The next thing that happens, is that we start believing in that thought. And feeding it with more arguments, which in turn gets us into a deeper state of confusion and sadness. Next thing we know, we find ourselves, there in that deep mud hole. We look around and all is doom and gloom.

What can we do so that this does not even happen?

1 - Accept what is: Life is unpredictable. Nothing is permanent, everything changes; and of course, a lot of things can happen that will transform who we are and have an impact on our life. The problem is that we need to be prepared to truly accept whatever comes and embrace it. This is what I have noticed with so many people, in that we focus and linger on things which we have no control over. Why worry about something that all the worrying in the world will not change? Why care about what other people think of us when we're not even sure what it is they are actually thinking? Yes, acceptance is a choice-a hard one most definitely, but a choice nonetheless. By practicing acceptance we learn to live in this changing world, where we never know what's going to happen next. Acceptance is like protecting ourselves with our own shields." You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give" ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

2 - Meditate: Meditation makes us mentally strong, and emotionally resilient. It reduces the tendency to react, increases the tendency to respond and is an effective way to de-stress our minds. If you are not meditating yet then, you are missing out on a very important activity that can change your life. When you have a lot on your mind and you feel like your thoughts are driving you crazy, meditation can help you find peace, calmness and more self acceptance. Meditation helps turning one's life into a more beautiful, harmonious and happy one. When mind, body and spirit are in harmony, then everything seems right with the world."Through concentration and meditation you become the boss of your mind, and gain the ability to tell it when to be active and when to stay silent" ~ Remez Sasson

3 - Spend time in nature: Nature calls you back to reality. We can't stop it from raining. We can't delay the setting sun. We can't set the temperature to a comfortable degree. When we are climbing a mountain, our muscles are going to burn. But with this surrender comes such relief! We awake from a dream and realize how little control we really have. We remember that hardship and lack of control are part of life, and accepting this reality makes it not only bearable, but possible to feel the joy of being alive. By being in nature we feel comfortable in our own skin, we experience our own quiet peace and strength, we sense the inner us that is the true us. The mask we present to the outer world is irrelevant for a time, and put in its proper place. Nature helps us to connect with this powerful, loving presence, whether we call it GOD, Earth Mother, the Great Mystery or any another name. Nature brings us closer to GOD, our own spirit and helps us to live lives of meaning and joy. "The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As longs as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles." ~ Anne Frank

4 - Learn the power of a smile: A smile is a powerful key to living happy from the inside out. The simple act of smiling sends a message to your brain that you're happy. And when you're happy, your body pumps out all kinds of feel-good endorphins. Smiles are powerful and contagious. Don't hesitate to smile warmly at friends, family, colleagues and even strangers. Never stop smiling! God smiles on us each and every day. His love has no depth, his mercy no end. His arms are open wide, just step into them. "Smile and the world will smile with you."

5 - Choose to help others: Care for others genuinely around you. What you put out, you really get back in life. Being caring allows us to have empathy for others and to live a life based on affection, love, and compassion for the people around us. When we make a positive impact in someone else's life, we also make a positive impact in our own lives. Any act of kindness and goodwill eases our way towards inner peace. When we start helping others, we stop thinking about our so-called problems and then we realize that our life is not so bad after all. Do something that's greater than you - something that helps someone else to be happy or to suffer less. "No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another." ~ Charles Dickens

6 - Never lose hope: Never give up. Never lose hope. Always have faith, it allows you to cope better during the trying times. Having hope is a personal decision, a bold conviction-a choice, and with hope we always have a path towards peace. Having hope is an active, decisive mindset etched into every single moment. No matter the haze and fog that clouds our vision, hope's laser cuts through, and never losing sight of her shimmering stars. Hope is something we can never afford to lose Who we really are is based on values we choose to live by, such as believing in the possible, believing in the goodness of others, and believing in the power of love and hope. When we decide to passionately pursue our greatest purpose, then we become the hope in our lives and manifest her greatest dreams, because we refuse to consider any other possibility. As Henry James put it, "Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact."

7 - Embrace your beliefs: I am not here to favour any belief system over another, but whatever it is that you are believing in, hold it closely in your arms, accept it willingly and enthusiastically, as by being within your faith, peace will find its way into your heart. We all might have different opinion in regards to our belief systems, but one thing that we all have to acknowledge is that without a healthy and solid belief system, we won't be able to find a fair conscience which could show us the way towards peace and wisdom. "Faith is universal. Our specific methods for understanding it are arbitrary. In the end we are all just searching for truth, that which is greater than ourselves." ~ Dan Brown

8 - Live in the present moment: When we live fully in the present moment, our awareness becomes completely centred on the here and now. We won't worry about the future or thinking about the past. How often have you been worrying about things that have yet to come, or how often have you been beating yourself for mistakes that you've made, no matter how much time has passed? Too much time, I believe. Not only living in present moment has a significant effect on our emotional health, but also it has a great impact on our physical wellbeing. By living in present moment we live in acceptance; we accept life the way it is, not the way we wish, it should have been. And when we live in acceptance, we realize that everything is complete as it is. We can forgive ourselves for the mistakes we've made, and we can have peace in our hearts knowing that everything that should happen will. "If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is."

Finding inner peace is not a simple or short path, but it is a process that we can all learn. It is a journey which needs to be appreciated every step of the way. We have to be willing to let go and step outside the box that we have accepted ourselves to be put into, in the first place and start from scratch. We have to be ready getting to know ourselves all over again and be willing to make mistakes. And most importantly, we have to realize that only we have control over our emotional responses and reactions and they can be changed for the better. And finally when serenity and unconditional love fill our hearts, we will accept that we cannot go back, and will not give up what we have now found, that peace that we seem to have been searching for our whole lives. "Remember, the entrance door to the sanctuary is inside you." ~ Rumi

Inner peace resides within us at all times. It has been said the only thing that prevents the human mind from finding peace, is the human mind itself. "Nothing can bring you peace but yourself."

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7 Secret Ingredients Of A Happy Life

Anything that you could ever want more of, or any factor that you would consider important to YOUR happiness and achieving a happy life can be placed in one of seven categories of success.

These seven ingredients to a happy life are considered with everything ever written or discovered on happiness, success and self-improvement. They characterize the life and accomplishments of all high-performing men and women. They include everything you could ever want.
How To Achieve Your Ideal Life

Your ideal life is a blending of these seven ingredients to a happy life in exactly the combination that makes you the happiest at any particular moment.

By defining your success and happiness in terms of one or more of these seven ingredients, you create a clear target to aim at. You engage in positive thinking. You can then measure how well you’re doing. You can identify the areas where you need to make changes if you want self-improvement in your life.

1) Peace Of Mind

The first of these seven ingredients to a happy life, and easily the most important, is peace of mind. It is the highest human good. Without it, nothing else has much value. Because of this, you strive for it all your life. You usually evaluate how well you are doing at any given time by how much inner peace you enjoy.

Peace of mind and positive thinking is essential for the optimal performance and happy life of all human groupings, from your relationships with your friends and family to the business and organizations in which you work.

2) Health And Energy

The second ingredient to a happy life is health and energy. Just as peace of mind is your normal and natural mental state, health and energy is your normal and natural physical state.

3) Loving Relationships

The third ingredient to a happy life is loving relationships. These are relationships with people you love and care about, and the people who love and care about you. They are the real measure of how you are doing as a human being. Happiness or unhappiness in life comes from your relationships with others, and it is your relationships with others that make you truly human.

4) Financial Freedom

The forth ingredient of a happy life and success is financial freedom. To be financially free means that you have enough money so that you don’t worry about it continually, as most people do. It is not money that lies at the root of all evil; it is the lack of money. Achieving your own financial freedom is one of the most important goals and responsibilities of your life. It is far too important to be left to chance.

A feeling of financial freedom is essential to your self-improvement and to the achievement of any other important goal and you cannot be truly free until and unless you have enough money that you are no longer preoccupied with it.

5) Worthy Goals And Ideas

The fifth ingredient of a happy life is setting worthy goals and ideals. Perhaps your deepest subconscious drive, according to Dr. Viktor E. Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning, is the need for meaning and purpose in life. To be truly happy, you need a clear sense of direction. You need positive thinking to get there. You need a commitment to something bigger and more important than yourself. You need to feel that your life stands for something, that you are somehow making a valuable contribution to the world.

Happiness has been defined as “the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.” You can only be happy with yourself when you are working step by step toward something that is really important to YOU.

6) Self Knowledge And Self-Awareness

The sixth ingredient to success and a happy life is self-knowledge and self-awareness. Throughout all of history, self-knowledge has gone hand in hand with inner happiness, positive thinking and outer achievement. To perform your best, you need to know who you are and why you think and feel the way you do.

7) Personal Fulfillment

The seventh ingredient to a happy life is a sense of personal fulfillment. This is a feeling that you are becoming everything that you are moving toward. It is the realization of your full potential as a human being. Your happy life begins with self-improvement and ends with a personal fulfillment that you have accomplished all that you wanted to.
Take Action

Take the brush of your imagination and begin painting a masterpiece on the canvas of your life. It is for you to decide clearly what would make you the happiest in everything you are doing.

Decide what is right for you before you decide what is possible. Create your ideal life in every detail. Don’t be concerned about the process of getting from where you are to where you want to go. For now, just focus on positive thinking and creating a vision of your perfect future.

Thank you for reading my blog on The Seven Ingredients to a Happy Life. I hope you will take some time to think about what YOU want to achieve in YOUR life and begin your self-improvement today!

If you enjoyed what you read, please comment below and share this blog with your friends.


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5 Techniques To Build More Confidence

5 Techniques to be More Confident

Being confident in life not only enhances your personality, but makes sure you don't lose opportunities because of hesitation. Enough confidence in you can be the difference between success and failure. When you are striking a new business deal, giving an interview or asking someone on a date, you need to be confident.

The key to being more confident is how other people perceive you on the basis of your own self-perception. Basically, this means if you consider yourself to be capable and energetic, it will be reflected in your thoughts and actions. Thus, other people will also see you the same.

Although there are many factors beyond control, there are still certain things you can turn in your favor to make yourself more confident. In this post, we have talked about some simple tips, which can help you become more confident in life.

Visualization & Positive Affirmations

Contrary to the common notion, the concept of positive affirmations is neither complex nor complicated. Positive affirmations are simple sentences, which you can use to explain how you want to feel in life, what situations and circumstances you consider perfect, and other such expectations. You need to say positive affirmations out loud in a way that affirms what you're saying is true.

According to psychologists, positive affirmations help you build more confidence in life. With positive affirmations, you can change the way you feel about your personality, nature and characteristics. In addition to this, positive affirmations can change your basic perception about various circumstances surrounding yourself. It's worth mentioning that positive affirmations can lead you on a path toward success and achieving your goals. You can use positive affirmations like:

I'm Feeling Confident.

I Can Become More Confident.

I Will Live With More Determination.

I Will Be More Confident

When you start using positive affirmations on a regular basis, it isn't long before you start believing in them. They can boost your confidence, and help you become an outgoing person. You can also use visualizations to become more confident. As the name suggests, this practice requires you to visualize what you want to accomplish in life. In this case, you should visualize yourself confidently speaking in public or making a presentation in office.

Active Participation

At times, you may hide behind someone during an open discussion. It is important to actively participate in every discussion and event. In time, you will be able to overcome your hesitation. Your issues related to fear of public speaking or participation will not get resolved until you make efforts. Public speaking and active participation always contribute to gaining confidence.

Leave Your Comfort Zone

Almost every person prefers to live in his comfort zone. However, when you step outside the comfort zone, you're able to gain more exposure. When you stay within it, you start shrinking. You need to avoid getting trapped into the confines of your comfort zone, and constantly push yourself to do different things. This helps you become more confident.

Meditation

Meditation not only keeps you calm, but also helps you with composure. When you're calm and relaxed, you start making good decisions. This has a major impact on your confidence. Meditation also allows you to gain some insight about your personality, and mould yourself accordingly to overcome anxiety and shyness.

Practice Confidence

Just like everything else in your life, even confidence improves with regular practice. When you meet new people, it's a great opportunity to build confidence. When you shake someone's hand for the first time, you should introduce yourself, watch the other person's tone and learn more about his or her personality. Since a new person doesn't know anything about you, it's an opportunity to show the person your confident personality.

In addition to this, you should watch your tone and posture. Mumbling and hunching can make you look and feel less confident. Thus, you should speak clearly, slowly and stand straight. When people see your confidence, it gives you more reason to keep working on building confidence.

These were some effective tips to become more confident in life. Besides this, you also need to exercise regularly. It will help you get in good shape, keep your mind sharp and give you more energy. Confidence is the key to success in life. Thus, you need to make efforts to become more confident and focused.

With these simple techniques, you will be on your way to developing more self-confidence.

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Are You Whole or Full of Holes?

In order to be in a healthy relationship, both people in the couple need to be whole and complete in themselves. Part of being a whole person is exploring the different things that interest you in addition to the things that keep you healthy. The other part of being a whole person is to be able to fill yourself up intrinsically. The thing that happens to many people is that they try to fill their holes externally.

In the movie Jerry Mcguire, there was a famous line, "You complete me." It was romantic and many people in the years that passed wanted to hear those words. The thing is no one else can complete you. She or he can compliment who you are. You can want to be a better you when you are with him/her but only you can complete you.

Here are 5 signs that you may be full of holes and looking outside of yourself to get them filled:

1. You say I love you not so much because you mean it but because you want to hear it back

2. You need constant reassurance or validation from your significant other for example: "Do you still love me"; "Are you ready to leave me yet". You ask not because it is a true question but because you need to hear the "yes".

3. You require your partner to read your mind, "if you loved me, you'd know what I want". Instead of directly asking for what you want or stating your needs

4. Getting angry when your expectations are not met when never actually letting your partner know what your expectations are.

5. Putting the needs and wants of your partner ahead of your own and forgetting that your needs are important.

Here are 5 ways to become more of a whole person and filling up from within:

1. Love yourself unconditionally so that you can love another.

2. Recognize when you accomplish something important to you and give yourself a pat on the back

3. Acknowledge how you are feeling and then take time to feel those feelings

4. Find something to be grateful about everyday.

5. When life hands you lemons, ask now what... the possibilities are endless - lemonade, lemon chicken, lemon pie... you get the idea.

Just remember that one of the most loving and romantic things that you can say to yourself is, "I complete me".

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The Top 5 Timeless Tips for Handling the Holiday Stress and Finding Inner Peace

“May you have warmth in your igloo, oil in your lamp, and peace in your heart!”
Eskimo proverb

The holidays are upon us.

A time of needed relaxation and more time with the people closest to us.

A time of stress and worries. A time of not all the joy you may have hoped for or been promised by upbeat advertising and movies.

It can be a time of mixed feelings.

So today I would like to share 5 powerful and timeless tips that can help you to make these holidays a more joyful and peaceful time.

1. Slow down.

“For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.”
Lily Tomlin

First, slow down. Even if it may feel silly and if you have to force it a bit. Slow down your body, move and walk slowly.

Breathe slower and more deeply with your belly (and focus on doing just that for two minutes and see what happens).

Slow down your eating (this will not only help you to relax, it will also help you to not eat too much during the holidays since it takes about 20 minutes for your brain to register that you are full).

Slow it all down and pay attention to what you are doing. Be here now and focus on doing just one thing at a time. By slowing down, by being here now, by not having your focus split between many things you – your body and your mind – start to relax.

2. Appreciate the little things instead of focusing on perfection.

“Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.”
Winnie the Pooh

Daily happiness is to a large part about appreciating the small things. If you just allow yourself to be happy when accomplishing a big goal or when everything lines up just perfectly then you are making life harder than it needs to be.

Instead, focus on appreciating things that you may take for granted.

Take two minutes and find things in your life you can appreciate now. If you want a handful of suggestions, here are a few of the things that I like to appreciate around the holidays:
All the tasty food.
My health.
My family and friends.
That I have a roof and a warm home as the snow is falling and the cold winds are blowing.
The beautiful wintery landscapes.

3. Give a bit of joy to someone else.

“Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

This may sound like an empty cliché but it surely works. One of the best ways to become happier is simply to make others happier.

When you make someone else happy you can sense, see, feel and hear it. And that happy feeling flows back to you.

And since the Law of Reciprocity is strong there is another upside. People will feel like giving back to you. Or like paying it forward to someone else.

And so the two (or more) of you keep building an upward spiral of for example positivity, of helping out, of cheering up and of lending a listening ear and support.

4. Focus on what is most valuable.

“You can never get enough of what you don’t need to make you happy.”
Eric Hoffer

“Joy is not in things; it is in us.”
Benjamin Franklin

Instead of focusing on a lot of things focus on what is most important and valuable to you.

If you still have Christmas gifts to buy then instead of giving away a lot of expensive stuff it may be better to give one thing that the person you are giving it to will truly appreciate.

Or maybe you could skip giving a physical thing altogether. And instead give away an experience that will become a special day and cherished memory for him or her or for the two of you.

However you choose to go about things over the holidays make it YOUR choices as best you can and not a bunch of shoulds that mostly make you feel deflated.

5. Just accept how you feel right now.

“We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.”
Carl Jung

Maybe you try some of the tips above. And they still can’t help you to shake that negativity, worries or stress you are carrying around. I would then suggest that you just accept that the feeling is there.

Tell yourself: This is how I feel right now and I accept it.

This might sound counter-intuitive and like you are giving up. However, by accepting how you feel instead of resisting it you reduce the emotional energy that you are feeding into this conflict or problem.

And it then tends to lose speed like a car that runs out of fuel. Sometimes the problem or conflict will then become so weak that it just moves out of your mind.

By accepting what is you have now freed up energy and your attention so your mind can become more level-headed, open and constructive once again. And you can see more clearly and take focused action towards a solution

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7 Secret Ingredients Of A Happy Life

Anything that you could ever want more of, or any factor that you would consider important to YOUR happiness and achieving a happy life can be placed in one of seven categories of success.

These seven ingredients to a happy life are considered with everything ever written or discovered on happiness, success and self-improvement. They characterize the life and accomplishments of all high-performing men and women. They include everything you could ever want.
How To Achieve Your Ideal Life

Your ideal life is a blending of these seven ingredients to a happy life in exactly the combination that makes you the happiest at any particular moment.

By defining your success and happiness in terms of one or more of these seven ingredients, you create a clear target to aim at. You engage in positive thinking. You can then measure how well you’re doing. You can identify the areas where you need to make changes if you want self-improvement in your life.

1) Peace Of Mind
The first of these seven ingredients to a happy life, and easily the most important, is peace of mind. It is the highest human good. Without it, nothing else has much value. Because of this, you strive for it all your life. You usually evaluate how well you are doing at any given time by how much inner peace you enjoy.

Peace of mind and positive thinking is essential for the optimal performance and happy life of all human groupings, from your relationships with your friends and family to the business and organizations in which you work.

2) Health And Energy

The second ingredient to a happy life is health and energy. Just as peace of mind is your normal and natural mental state, health and energy is your normal and natural physical state.

3) Loving Relationships

The third ingredient to a happy life is loving relationships. These are relationships with people you love and care about, and the people who love and care about you. They are the real measure of how you are doing as a human being. Happiness or unhappiness in life comes from your relationships with others, and it is your relationships with others that make you truly human.

4) Financial Freedom

The forth ingredient of a happy life and success is financial freedom. To be financially free means that you have enough money so that you don’t worry about it continually, as most people do. It is not money that lies at the root of all evil; it is the lack of money. Achieving your own financial freedom is one of the most important goals and responsibilities of your life. It is far too important to be left to chance.

A feeling of financial freedom is essential to your self-improvement and to the achievement of any other important goal and you cannot be truly free until and unless you have enough money that you are no longer preoccupied with it.

5) Worthy Goals And Ideas

The fifth ingredient of a happy life is setting worthy goals and ideals. Perhaps your deepest subconscious drive, according to Dr. Viktor E. Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning, is the need for meaning and purpose in life. To be truly happy, you need a clear sense of direction. You need positive thinking to get there. You need a commitment to something bigger and more important than yourself. You need to feel that your life stands for something, that you are somehow making a valuable contribution to the world.

Happiness has been defined as “the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.” You can only be happy with yourself when you are working step by step toward something that is really important to YOU.

6) Self Knowledge And Self-Awareness

The sixth ingredient to success and a happy life is self-knowledge and self-awareness. Throughout all of history, self-knowledge has gone hand in hand with inner happiness, positive thinking and outer achievement. To perform your best, you need to know who you are and why you think and feel the way you do.

7) Personal Fulfillment

The seventh ingredient to a happy life is a sense of personal fulfillment. This is a feeling that you are becoming everything that you are moving toward. It is the realization of your full potential as a human being. Your happy life begins with self-improvement and ends with a personal fulfillment that you have accomplished all that you wanted to.
Take Action

Take the brush of your imagination and begin painting a masterpiece on the canvas of your life. It is for you to decide clearly what would make you the happiest in everything you are doing.

Decide what is right for you before you decide what is possible. Create your ideal life in every detail. Don’t be concerned about the process of getting from where you are to where you want to go. For now, just focus on positive thinking and creating a vision of your perfect future.

Thank you for reading my blog on The Seven Ingredients to a Happy Life. I hope you will take some time to think about what YOU want to achieve in YOUR life and begin your self-improvement today!

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7 Small Habits That Will Steal Your Happiness

“Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate. You make yourself unhappy.”
Wayne Dyer

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”
Marcus Aurelius

It is usually pretty easy to become a happier person.

It is also quite easy to rob yourself of your own happiness. To make yourself more miserable and add a big bowl of suffering to your day. It is common thing, people do it every day all over the world.

So this week I’d like to combine these two things. I want to share 7 happiness stealing habits that I have had quite a bit of trouble with in my own daily life (and I know from the emails I get that many of you do too).

But I’d also like to add what you can do instead if you find yourself being stuck in one of these destructive habits.


1. Going for daily swim in a sea of negative voices.

This one can be quite subtle.

You just go around in your daily life like you usually do. Hang out with the same people. Listen to the same podcasts or radio shows, watch the same old TV-shows and read the usual blogs, books and magazines.

But what influence do these things have over your thinking and the limits you set for yourself and what you feel you deserve in life?

What to do instead:

Make a list of the 5 people you hang out with the most and the 5 media sources you spend most time on during your week.

Then ask yourself this for each of these 10 things/people: is this one dragging me down or lifting me up in life?

Consider spending less time with the ones that drag you down (or cut them out completely) and to spend more of your time with the people and sources that lift you up and make you feel good, motivated etc.

If you have trouble getting started with this one, then go smaller. Take a few minutes to think about what one person or source that has the biggest negative impact on you. And how you can start to spend less time with it/him/her this week.

2. Waiting for just the right time.

When you have a dream then it is so easy to get lost in planning how you will accomplish it. To drift away in daydreams about how it will be. But also to get stuck in fears about failing with it.

So you make a common choice and wait – and wait and wait for maybe years – for just the right time to take action and get started with making that dream into something real.

What to do instead:

Sure, not every dream is something you can get started with right now. But there are many that you can get going with. Dreams that only fear is holding you back from.

So make things easy on yourself. You don’t have to dive in a big and extremely courageous jump. If that was the case then only the bravest people in the world would do and achieve what they want.

Instead, take a small step forward. Take one small action. That is it. Then tomorrow you can take another small step forward. The important thing is that you get started and get going instead spending so much time on just waiting and feeling more and more frustrated and unhappy about the state of your dreams.

3. Letting criticism get under your skin time and time again.

When someone criticises or verbally attacks you then it may just roll off you like water of the back of a duck.

But if it on the other hand gets under your skin pretty much every time and drags you down into hours or days of self-doubt or self-beatings then you have a problem.

What to do instead:
Let it out. Talk it over with someone close to you to let the inner tensions out. And to find a healthier perspective on what happened together.
Remember: it is not always about you. If your self-esteem is low them it is easy to start thinking that all the negative things people tell you are your fault in some way. That is however often not the case. People will attack or harshly criticise to let their own steam out. Because they have had an awful day, week or simply do not like their lives that much. So don’t think it is all about you. There are two of you in this situation.

4. Focusing on the wrong people and getting lost in envy and powerlessness.

When you spend much time in your day thinking about what other people have and do and you compare your life to theirs then you have a good recipe for unhappiness.

Because you spend the attention and energy in the wrong place.

What to do instead:

Focus on you. Compare yourself to yourself. See how far you have come. The obstacles you have overcome. How you have improved in small or sometimes bigger ways. Appreciate that and yourself.

Focus not on what others have but on what YOU deep down want in your life.

And ask yourself: what is one small step I can take today to get the ball rolling with this goal/dream?

Keep your focus on yourself and what you can actually do to raise your self-confidence, to start walking on your own path and to spend your limited daily time and energy on something that will actually pay off.

5. Not allowing yourself times of peace and rest during your day.

When you are busy, busy, busy all the time and give yourself no time to recharge then you soon become fatigued.

And so each step and each thing you do starts to feel heavier and you do not get much enjoyment at all out of pushing and pulling yourself through it.

What to do instead:
Take a break every hour. Try setting the timer on your cell phone for 45 minutes. During that time-period just focus on doing your most important task at the moment. Then, as the bell rings, set the timer for 15 minutes and step away from your work space. Have a snack, talk a walk or stretch a bit. By cycling rest and fully focused work like this you’ll get more things done, do a better job and it will be easier to keep the optimism and motivation up.
Be 10 minutes early. Transform those travelling times during your day into relaxing breaks instead of passages of time and space that only increase your stress levels and other negative feelings.

6. Never trying anything new.

This one can be sneaky.

It can make you think that things are pretty OK. You have your safe and comfortable routine. I know, I have been there for long stretches of time.

But during those times there was also denial of feeling dissatisfied. A vague feeling of standing still that sometimes bloomed up into a big burst of undefined, negative feelings directed towards the world or myself.

What to do instead:
Remind yourself of the past times when you tried something new.And how you most often did not regret it one bit but had an exciting, interesting or fun time.
Go small. You don’t have to try skydiving. Just take one small step and try some new and different music, a movie or book you would normally not go for or the vegetarian dish if you usually have the beef or sausage for lunch.
Say yes just once this week when your mind says no. If a friend invites you to go out running, doing yoga or to go fishing or to a party and your mind goes “let’s say no, that is not what I usually do” then stop yourself for a second. And reconsider. You don’t have to say yes to every suggestion you get this week to try something new, but give it a shot and say yes to just one of those things.

7. Taking things too seriously.

When you take life too seriously then it is easy to become so afraid of making a mistake and of stumbling a bit that you get paralysed in analysis.

When you take yourself too seriously then, in my experience, it becomes difficult to fully enjoy the moment and what is happening, to let go of the past and to laugh about yourself and life when you need it the most.

What to instead:
Put up a reminder. When I wanted to develop a lighter mindset quite a few years ago one thing that helped me was a simple note on fridge that said: Lighten Up! This reminder helped me to snap out of overly serious thoughts several times a day until this way of finding a lighter perspective became more and more of an automatic thought habit.
Surround yourself with lighter mindsets. As mentioned in the section about habit #1, what and who you surround yourself with will have a big effect on how you think. No matter if it is a positive or negative aspect they add. So one powerful thing to do is to add lighter mindsets via people, books, the internet etc. to your daily life.
Raise your self-esteem. I have found that as my self-esteem has gone up I can laugh about myself more because I am less defensive. I have more trust in myself and so I fear a temporary failure less. And I like myself more and so I am less concerned about getting everyone else to like me all the time.

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How to Stop Beating Yourself Up All the Time

“You can’t do this!”

“You just keep making the wrong decisions over and over.”

“Everyone else knows what they’re doing, what’s wrong with you?”

Does this voice sound familiar?

It’s your own — the words you might say in your head when you’re down on yourself. Self-criticism can often be healthy, as it is a sign of self-awareness. It can help you find ways to improve, build stronger relationships and grow.

But when self-criticism gets too harsh, it can be just the opposite. Too much self-criticism won’t lead to self-improvement. Instead, it can slowly wear away at your confidence and peace of mind and make it harder to achieve your personal goals.


Why Do We Beat Ourselves Up?

It is natural to experience doubt and strive to improve — but chronically thinking of yourself as not good enough can really negatively impact your well-being.

You likely wouldn’t appreciate the judgements and critiques of others or when someone is bullying or harassing a friend or loved one, so it’s obvious why self-criticism can be just as harmful.

What’s worse is we are often our own harshest critic. No one knows you better than yourself, so no one knows better than you how to get under your skin.

So what causes us to go from healthy self-criticism to legitimate self-bullying? One explanation is a lack of compassion towards oneself. Consider the negative voice in your head and the things it says to you. Would you direct those words toward other people?
Learning From the Past

This lack of kindness for oneself could be related to past emotional experiences. Children especially are susceptible to holding on to harsh criticism, feeling insecure and un-confident.

To avoid future criticism, we then set standards for ourselves. If these standards are not met, we then beat ourselves up. This can even lead to negative forms of perfectionism.

This mindset leads to a lack of energy or motivation, which makes it even harder to bounce back and think positively. It’s a vicious cycle.


How to Stop Beating Yourself Up


So what steps can you take toward beating back the self-bullying you and embracing a more positive mindset?

Here are a few tips to get you thinking:


1. Self-Awareness and Self-Kindness

The first step is to recognize when you’re putting yourself down. Self-awareness is at the root of all self-criticism, so you must also be aware of when you are treating yourself kindly and when you are self-deprecating.

Once you know you are needlessly beating yourself up, you won’t magically stop. However, you can counteract the negativity by complimenting yourself when you do something well. Acknowledge when you achieve a goal, even a small one.

Consider also the things that make you happy — again, even the small ones — each day. Write them down if it helps you to focus. You may be surprised that even though your day feels like it’s going badly, lots of good things happen throughout.

Do this especially at the end of the day when you’re trying to wind down. You can lose sleep when your mind is stressed with negative thoughts, which will further reduce your energy.

2. Don’t Compare Yourself to Other People

In times where you are failing, it can be easy to look around at other people who are doing well and compare ourselves to them.

However, you must take a step back and consider you are only seeing one perspective. That other person you see may be excelling in one area — but like you, they deal with a myriad of thoughts, feelings and problems you can’t know.

If you are aware you tend to compare yourself to others, begin to remind yourself you are your own person with your own path. You might be capable of the same successes you see others achieving, and it is possible to work toward them in your own way.

3. Recognize Your Failures as Learning Opportunities

You will fail sometimes. That is inevitable. It can happen in any area of your life. The key is to think of your failures in a more positive light. Any mistake is also an experience you can learn from, and the knowledge you gain will help you down the road:
Perhaps you are criticized by a supervisor for missing a deadline. You can’t change that mistake, but you can do your best on the next assignment.
Maybe you have an awkward social interaction with a colleague. You can’t undo it, but the next time you see them you can make up for it.
Maybe your failure is more severe, like a bad investment or getting scammed out of your money. What’s done is done, but next time you will have the experience and will know to do sufficient research about the business and industry or other opportunity you’re investing in.


Whatever the situation, you will always be learning — which means you will always be improving.


4. Be Patient

You won’t be able to get rid of all your negative thoughts at once. Old habits die hard, and learning to think positively takes time and practice.

Take these steps each day, and over time you may notice improvements in your mindset, your productivity, your motivation and your energy.

Ask others for help as well. Let those close to you know you are struggling and trying to improve yourself, and they will support you. You can even seek the help of a psychiatric professional to help guide your process.


Summary

There is a calm, reasonable you inside of the self-doubting and critical version of yourself.

In time, you can learn to let him or her shine.
Are you beating yourself up too much? Leave a comment below.

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How to Get Self Confidence: Some Timeless Tips For Getting It Back!

Self confidence, the word itself has the power to lift those discouraged souls. Do you know the way you think about yourself has an enormous impact on how others perceive you. So it is very important to have a high self esteem. Many a times people just sit back and feel helpless at their condition instead of trying to overcome such situations. All this eventually fills them with unsureness and disbelief. And, this is the point where an individual's self confidence starts dwindling.

This shattered confidence can adversely affect one's personality leading to dull and dejected behaviors. Therefore, to get rid of such circumstances, one has to feel positive about his existence and the work he does. Here are some simple yet powerful tips to get you out of such gloomy situations, which in turn will fill you up with extreme self confidence and good will.

Stick To Your Thoughts, Take Action, and Get It Done: Don't hesitate to take action if you know you are right. This is the best confidence booster and will make you learn yourself better. Don't overthink, what has to be done, has to be done. So just move on with high spirits. All this will fill you up with more zeal and confidence.

Learn to Face Your Fears, Instead of Cursing Yourself: There is no better way of achieving a higher self esteem than facing your fears with full confidence. Just be curious about the things going on in your surroundings. Realize that fear is often based on unhelpful interpretation and has nothing to do with your self esteem. Believe this, this is enough to make you feel confident.

Take Things As It Happens, Don't Take Life So Seriously: Always be prepared for the worst and try to handle the situations with a positive attitude. Take things as it happens. There is nothing to worry about. Life is a mixture of good and bad memories, try to take inspiration from your every good and bad. In this way you will feel more confident.

Learn To Accept Your Failures, They Will Not Kill You: Another great tip to enhance your self confidence is to learn to accept your failures. You will gain a good experience with such a behavior, and it will make you stronger and better than the best. Such a step will increase your chances of becoming successful at every point.

So whenever you are down and don't know which way to go, just give your self confidence a boost with these simple yet timeless tips.


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How to Rise Above Negative People

We’ve all met people who seem to be deaf to insult and criticism.

As if by magic, unkind comments seem to run off their skin like water. Whether they laugh, give a sarcastic retort, or totally ignore the negativity of others, the event seems to evaporate from their mind within minutes. They move on to other, more exciting things.

The criticism is forgotten.

Most of us are not so lucky. Few people walk around advertising their sensitivity, so at times it may seem like a rare character trait.

However, when I reflect on the close friends and partners I’ve had over the years, I cannot remember a single one who did not identify as “sensitive” to a greater or lesser extent.

I certainly do. I will fight for my core beliefs and the causes I care about most, but otherwise try to maintain interpersonal harmony and positivity whenever possible.

I’m the kind of person who will ruminate about being honked at by another driver, still blushing five minutes after the honker has disappeared into the incessant Southern California traffic.

If a teacher ever has to say my name to get my attention, which is rare, I feel the need to apologize over and over. Even in these minor situations, hardly deserving of the term “negative,” my immediate tendency is to blame and criticize myself.

How to Rise Above Negative People

For a long time, I could not take criticism or negativity in stride. I wanted so badly to live in a world of constant peace, harmony, and politeness.

Whenever I found myself in a tense situation with a negative person, whether or not they were directly affronting me, I would try to apologize and blame myself in order to restore the peace.

I took every critique to heart, even if I was receiving constructive criticism from a close friend. Instead of dispelling negativity by blaming myself, I absorbed the negativity of others into my own body.

IN MY ATTEMPTS TO FIND PEACE IN THE WORLD, I SUCKED UP BAD FEELINGS LIKE A VACUUM.

Eventually, I learned how to deal with negativity and rise above it. Here are some of my realizations, which have allowed me to find inner and outer peace even in the face of negative interactions.

1. Change Your Mind-set about the Negativity You Receive

My problem was entwined in my mind-set about relationships and the source of unkindness and negative interactions.

If people were rude to me, I took it as a personal criticism. I thought that when other people were negative towards me, it indicated that something was wrong with me, and that I needed to change myself in order to maintain the peace.

I put so much stock in other’s opinions and moods. To make myself happy, I thought I had to make others around me happy first. Only then could I be at peace with the world.

But here’s the problem: no matter how kind, compassionate, smart, loving, considerate, and competent you are, people will sometimes be negative towards you. They will be rude and unkind.

Why?

BECAUSE WHEN PEOPLE ARE RUDE, UNKIND, AND NEGATIVE, IT’S A REFLECTION OF THEIR OWN INNER STATE. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

Let me repeat: it has nothing to do with you. Negative people are not negative because of the way you look, speak, or act, but because they are having their own personal difficulties. When people are stressed, upset, and angry, they often take it out on others.

This is completely unintentional, and is a normal reaction to stress and sorrow.

When we have negative thoughts and feelings, we spread them. When we receive negativity from others, we are receiving their visceral emotional turbulence, not a true criticism of our own behaviour.

2. Remember that the Negativity is Not Personal

You can choose not to fight back, or apologize, or take it to heart. Instead, you can recognize that their negativity is coming from deep within, fuelled by their own life circumstances, and you let the criticism go. Then, you can excuse yourself and walk away. That is all.

I know that it’s easier said than done. In the moment when you’re being yelled at or complained to, it’s incredibly hard not to internalize that negative energy. Just try your best to remember that the negativity being aimed at you is not personal.

You don’t have to apologize for their negativity, because you aren’t truly fuelling it. You are just the closest available person for them to unleash their negative feelings and stress, and you have no responsibility to right their wrongs.

Think about what they’ve said and whether or not it’s really true, or just an indirect reaction to their own mental stress.

Imagine what their life situation could be – divorce, a death in the family, and trouble at work – and recognize that their negativity is only a proximal reaction to that event. Know that deep down you are not to blame.

Rise above negativity by letting it pass under you, by not identifying with it. Let it be impersonal.

3. Don’t Apologize or Seek Revenge

Depending upon what kind of person you are, it can be extremely tempting to try to solve a negative situation by blaming yourself or attacking the other person.

Unfortunately, neither of these are lasting solutions to negativity. If you apologize, you are only giving the negative person more reason to believe you are to blame, even when you haven’t done anything wrong.

THIS TEACHES THEM TO TAKE OUT THEIR ANGER ON OTHERS MORE OFTEN, AND WILL ONLY CAUSE YOU TO RECEIVE MORE BLAME IN THE LONG-RUN.

Likewise, by attacking the person back, you are adding to the negativity of the situation and giving them a real reason to be rude or aggressive towards you.

They will only become more identified with their negativity, and you will become a facet of their stress and anger. It’s better to diffuse a situation by keeping calm.

Though you may want to seek justice, remember that the negative person isn’t concerned about justice in their moment of anger. Even if you make valid points, the other person is too stressed and upset to absorb your reasoning.

You will only make matters worse, both immediately and in the long-run.

4. Let it Go and Walk Away

Next time someone is rude or critical of you, try to walk away.

This can feel like you aren’t defending yourself in the face of injustice, but the truth is, you are defending yourself in the most effective way.

If you remove yourself from a negative situation, you are defending yourself from the unfair negativity that someone is projecting onto you. You are protecting your own well-being and choosing not to fight fire with fire.

5. Find Peace and Look for the Positive

After a stressful and negative interaction, you may be emotionally unstable for a while.

In order to restore your inner harmony, you may want to spend time with a positive person in your life to reset your emotions (just remember to avoid passing on negativity to your loved one).

If you find peace in solitary, soothing activities, try to do these things after a negative interaction. Some ideas for soothing activities include bathing, working out, having a cup of tea, or reading a book. Only you know what will calm you down best.

To recover from a negative interaction, let the negative go, accept positivity, and see how harmonious life becomes. The world cannot fill you with negativity if you don’t let it in. You have the power to be as peaceful as you choose to be.

Summary

Here’s a quick low down of the 5 tips mentioned to help you rise above negative people:

Change your mind-set about the negativity you receive

Remember that the negativity is not personal

Don’t apologize or seek revenge

Let it go and walk away

Find peace and look for the positive

Recognize the root of another’s negativity, let that negativity remain impersonal, avoid apologizing and attacking, and walk away to seek a more positive atmosphere.

This is not cowardice, or running away from conflict; non-reaction is true strength. It is choosing not to fuel the world’s negativity, but to breed positivity in its wake.

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