Change the Way You Speak to Yourself and Increase Your Chances of Success

A lot of people I speak to really want to break away from the normal 9 to 5 and to be fair most of them take the first tentative steps towards making this life changing move, they may have thought of a great way to make money or brought a book on how to start your own business or attend a seminar by someone who has done just what they would like to do, they may have even paid for a course that takes them step by step through the process of setting up a great money making system.

I know when I decided that I wanted to break away from the rat race I did all of the above and much more, spending thousands of pounds in the process BUT like most people, I never really got beyond those first few steps, in fact it was over TEN YEARS before I actually did grab the bull by the horns and put something into action. The amazing thing was after all that time it was one of the first ways to make money I learned of that I acted on and I have never looked back since.

So why do we do this? Why don't we take action if we want something as bad as we say we do? Why do we sit and procrastinate instead of doing something about it?

Well we usually come up with a number of excuses:

I'm not intelligent enough.

I didn't have a good education/get good grades/go to college. etc.

I haven't got the time.

I can't afford to do it.

I am too old/young.

I've never done anything like this before.

Or we put things off...

I will start Friday/next weekend/next month/when I have that week off work. etc.

I also know from experience one of the main reasons is fear!

Fear of failure!

Fear of change!

Fear of the unknown!

Fear of what other people will think of us!

The list goes on but generally comes back to that one irrational emotion;

False Evidence Appearing Real

The good news is we CAN do something about it, The bad news is its going to take a little bit of effort to address the problem. But don't worry its nothing complicated and its something that everyone can do.

What we have to do is change our mindset and to do this the first thing we need to do is change the way we speak to ourselves and this is what I'm going to be concentrating on today.

From very early on in life we talk to ourselves and what we say and how we say it has a big influence on how we react to the situations we find ourselves in as an adult. Over time we ( or the people around us/society in general ) brainwash ourselves with all kinds of limiting thoughts and notions of what we should do and what should make us happy.

So after a while all this self talk and outside influence helps to program our subconscious mind into accepting that we should be happy with what we do and what we have. After all you have a job/food on the table/ a roof over your head/ a car etc. so you should be satisfied with your lot right?

But is this really YOUR definition of happiness? Are you really satisfied with your lot?

I'm guessing that as you are reading this the answer is a resounding NO!

Well then it's time to admit to yourself that you are unhappy with where you are at this moment and that you are no longer going to accept life as it is. It's time to make your life what it can be and more to the point what it should be.

According to psychologists how we view life and more importantly how we view ourselves is largely set in stone by the time we are six years old. Just think about that for a while, everything we do in life, every decision we make, how we talk to ourselves and what we expect to achieve for ourselves is largely influenced by what kind of life we lived and what kind of experiences we had in those first few years!

Kind of scary eh?

So what does this mean?

In short it means that most of us talk to ourselves in a negative and unhelpful manner and this in turn restricts what we do or achieve with our lives.

Throughout the day we are talking to ourselves constantly either out loud or in our heads. Some of this self-talk is good - your dreams, your wants, your desires, your family, your friends, the little things that make you smile to yourself.

BUT some of it is negative and this stems from those experiences we were talking of earlier, those limiting influences that have got you nowhere. This kind of self-talk is what holds you back, it restricts you, brings you down and stops you from doing the things in life that you dream about.

This kind of self-talk is destructive and needs to be avoided at ALL costs. You must be aware of everything you are saying to yourself, whether it be out loud or in your head and when you find you are speaking to yourself in a negative way STOP!

Listen out for the positive things you say and concentrate on these instead, this is the kind of self-talk you have to nurture and as you do the negative self-talk will die back.

Once you allow the positive self-talk to flourish you will find great things start to happen with you as a person, to the way other people see and treat you and with your life in general.

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Your Life Is Waiting On You! When Are You Going To Show Up?

I first heard the phrase 'start before you're ready' from Marshawn Evans. I thought to myself she must be crazy. I can't start before I'm ready. Well I have to be honest. Marshawn was right. Once I got enough courage to do my own event, I thought to myself that I wish I would've started sooner.

Your Life Matters. Your life is waiting on you. Many of us are waiting for the perfect time to start our business, the perfect time to travel, the perfect time to move, the perfect time to buy a new car, the perfect opportunity, etc. While it makes sense to wait to do certain things so you don't appear to be completely irrational or illogical, the reality is that there's never going to be a perfect time. Perfection doesn't exist. Sometimes you just have to take a risk. You have to do something different. Yes, you should think things through and do your due diligence in terms of research and having some type of plan but once you've done that, at some point you're going to have to take a leap of faith. Your dreams need you. Even with a stellar business plan, for example, you may run into challenges. Life happens for all of us no matter how much we try to have our ducks in a row. It's life. You learn along the way. It's okay to make mistakes. You can use them as learning opportunities. I speak from experience as I've delayed taking action in my own life because I've felt like I wasn't ready, I had to be perfect or that I didn't have enough or wasn't as good as some other people in my industry. Steve Harvey is a comedian, television host, radio personality, actor, and author. Steve mentioned on his show that you have to jump. You'll never know if you can soar if you never jump. I agree. In other words, you don't know how amazing and incredible you can be if you never try, if never give yourself a chance. Every successful person had to start somewhere. It's easy to get caught up in thinking you have to have everything perfect when you see your competition or others in your field that may have a fancier website or high quality videos, for example. It can be discouraging. However, you must remember that they too had to start somewhere. Stop comparing yourself to others.

Everyone started out with an idea, a dream, a goal. They then got the crazy idea to actually pursue it. Something in them had to believe that it was possible so they started to take action. I guarantee if you ask any successful person if it was a nice and perfect road to success, all of them would say no. There were some twists and turns but they did not let that deter them. As they were on their journey to success, I'm sure there were people they came across that had better websites, better videos, more clients, better marketing, etc. and they may have felt like they weren't good enough. But they kept going and just got better along the way. That's all you have to do. What matters is your authenticity. You don't have to start out with the most expensive camera or the most expensive software. You start from where you are with what you have. It's enough. You can start with your iPhone. That's what I've done. What's important is to do what you can right now. Your life is waiting on you. Your dreams are waiting on you. Just get out there! If you focus on having everything perfect, you're likely to procrastinate and that will cause you not to move forward.

Your Dreams Matter. Your life matters. You matter. God has given all of us gifts and talents that we must share with the world. Your gift is what could save someone's life. Your talent is what could give someone hope. If you look at it from the perspective of the millions of people you're robbing by not sharing your gifts and talents then you wouldn't take it so lightly. It's not about you. You playing small is not benefiting anyone. Your gifts and talents were given to you so you could be a gift/blessing to others. Start before you're ready. Take the first step. Take action in the direction of your goals and dreams. The world needs you. Don't wait for the perfect time. Start from where you are with what you have. It's more than enough. Keep moving. As you grow, you'll get better. Your life is waiting on you. Don't delay. Tomorrow isn't promised.

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Self Improvement and Living in the Present Moment

Having clear goals and desires for our future, and planning for their fulfillment are vital steps if we are serious about self improvement and achievement.

Delayed gratification is something that is practiced by many successful people, even if they aren't aware of it. In simple terms, delayed gratification means making sacrifices now in order to achieve greater rewards in the future.

Most successful people become successful because they take actions and make sacrifices that less successful people are not prepared to do or make. However, in order to live a well rounded life and enjoy a rewarding lifestyle, we also need to be able to make the most of where we are at any given time.

Most of us have on ongoing internal dialogue within our minds, even if we aren't aware of it. We rehash events that have happened to us in the past and replay them in our minds, both good and bad. We also visualise events that we expect to happen to us in the future, both good and bad. When we're at work we spend time thinking about our domestic lives, and when we're at home we think about our problems at work. If we're not careful our days can slip by without us really noticing.

This can happen so easily, that we sometimes need to make a concerted effort to enjoy each present moment - or run the risk of depriving ourselves of a lot of pleasure. Planning for the future is essential, and we can all learn from the past. However, savoring the present moment and enjoying the simple pleasures, like a beautiful sunset, or the joy of a laughing child, or a walk on a deserted beach with a loved one, can make our lives infinitely richer.

Self Improvement Quote of the Day:

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." - Buddha

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Rediscovering Yourself: Your Guide to Self-Improvement

Have you lost your way, drifting through the haze of life, living your life in never ending cycle, like you're stuck in a programming loop?

But it wasn't always like this, was it! You had a purpose once; something to look forward to, something to achieve in life, something to live for.

If you're truly looking to get back to the way things were, there is a way. Self-improvement is not an exact science. The approach that works varies with different individuals.

In our youth, we are bursting with energy where our emotions drive us to achieve the great and the good in our lives; both the negative and the positive feelings. As age progresses, and we cross into adulthood, a state of numbness settles in which shrouds our emotions from impacting our lives in any way. We become zombies.

To break free from this catatonic state, it is crucial that we get in touch with our inner self. How do we do that?

Its simple. Dream again!

Getting in touch with your emotions, even negative emotions like fear and guilt, can help motivate us to get our lives back in order. To help us rediscover our passion for all the good things this world has to offer, to gravitate us towards the goals we had buried inside us.

The fundamental question to address here is whether to focus on your passion or to do your duty and while we don't deny that our obligations are a priority in life such as our obligation to our families. To give time to our parents, our spouses and our children, our commitment to our career, to provide for that dependent on us and our responsibility as a member of our community. But these things does not necessarily mean that we forget to live.

A little kid lives in each of us. One who wanted to be an astronaut, an aircraft pilot or a fireman. Find that kid again. And while we cannot guarantee that all your dreams will come true, it will help you rediscover yourself.

There are few circumstances in life that you can change but keeping a positive mental attitude is the key to wade through these harsh waters. Once you're able to convince yourself that you're going to live life to the fullest, the task seems less like work and more like fun.

Always remember to find a release for the emotions bottled up inside you. It's better to explode rather than implode. An atomic bomb works on the principle of implosion. That will give you an idea of how dangerous it is.

On the other hand, if your emotions are spiraling out of control, it is also important to find ways to relieve that tension. Find activities you like, to release that pent up energy. Go to the gym, workout, get your body in shape, do sports, play a game of chess, write a novel, build a generator, design a house, run for President. Whatever takes your fancy. The world's your oyster.

And above all, remember to keep smiling. Life is a gift. You just have to unwrap it.

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Kobe Bryant’s Powerful Letter to His 17 Year Old Self

The All-Star basketball legend Kobe Bryant shares his letter to his 17-year old self.

Kobe’s letter is below:

Dear 17-year-old self,

When your Laker dream comes true tomorrow, you need to figure out a way to invest in the future of your family and friends. This sounds simple, and you may think it’s a no-brainer, but take some time to think on it further.

I said INVEST.

I did not say GIVE.

Let me explain.

Purely giving material things to your siblings and friends may appear to be the right decision. You love them, and they were always there for you growing up, so it’s only right that they should share in your success and all that comes with it. So you buy them a car, a big house, pay all of their bills. You want them to live a beautiful, comfortable life, right?

But the day will come when you realize that as much as you believed you were doing the right thing, you were actually holding them back.

You will come to understand that you were taking care of them because it made YOU feel good, it made YOU happy to see them smiling and without a care in the world — and that was extremely selfish of you. While you were feeling satisfied with yourself, you were slowly eating away at their own dreams and ambitions. You were adding material things to their lives, but subtracting the most precious gifts of all: independence and growth.

Understand that you are about to be the leader of the family, and this involves making tough choices, even if your siblings and friends do not understand them at the time.

Invest in their future, don’t just give.

Use your success, wealth and influence to put them in the best position to realize their own dreams and find their true purpose. Put them through school, set them up with job interviews and help them become leaders in their own right. Hold them to the same level of hard work and dedication that it took for you to get to where you are now, and where you will eventually go.

I’m writing you now so that you can begin this process immediately, and so that you don’t have to deal with the hurt and struggle of weaning them off of the addiction that you facilitated. That addiction only leads to anger, resentment and jealousy from everybody involved, including yourself.

As time goes on, you will see them grow independently and have their own ambitions and their own lives, and your relationship with all of them will be much better as a result.

There’s plenty more I could write to you, but at 17, I know you don’t have the attention span to sit through 2,000 words.

The next time I write to you, I may touch on the challenges of mixing blood with business. The most important advice I can give to you is to make sure your parents remain PARENTS and not managers.

Before you sign that first contract, figure out the right budget for your parents — one that will allow them to live beautifully while also growing your business and setting people up for long-term success. That way, your children’s kids and their kids will be able to invest in their own futures when the time comes.

Your life is about to change, and things are about to come at you very fast. But just let this sink in a bit when you lay down at night after another nine-hour training day.

Trust me, setting things up right from the beginning will avoid a ton of tears and heartache, some of which remains to this day.

Much love,

Kobe

KOBE BRYANT / LOS ANGELES LAKERS

Article Originally appeared on: The Players Tribune

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