Becoming More Decisive

Decisions, decisions, decisions!

Maybe it's selecting what to order from an extensive restaurant menu. Or choosing which event to attend when two are happening at the same time. We are faced with many decisions every day. Hundreds of them, if you really stop to think about it.

Some of them are easy, like what to have for breakfast or what to wear (that one is generally easier for men than women, in my experience).

Other decisions are more involved. They may require gathering additional information or input from others.

One thing that is clear about highly productive and successful people is that they are good at making decisions. They make decisions in a timely manner, and deal with the outcomes as they occur.

To Decide Or Not To Decide

I don't know about you, but I am not a very good decision maker.

I can handle the easy stuff. In fact, I am pretty productive person and make lots of decisions that I can implement myself.

But when it comes to things that require the involvement of other people or more coordination, I struggle.

I get too wrapped up in the different possibilities. I magnify the things that need to happen in order to gather the appropriate information or to execute the decision. I worry way too much about making the wrong decision. (And later I beat myself up for making wrong decisions, or not making the right one soon enough.)

What happens is I freeze.

I do nothing. I wait to see if things will just "work themselves out."

And here's the thing. Stuff does actually work out one way or another. Days continue to go by. But there isn't a lot of change or growth that happens if you are frozen.

Being wrong

In order to become more decisive, I have to accept the possibility of being wrong.

I mean, no one can be right 100% of the time. We're human beings, and we make bad decisions all the time. It's not the end of the world.

Plus, a lot of decisions don't really have a "right" or "wrong," just different outcomes. Trade offs. Maybe several outcomes are good, just in different ways. Maybe none of the outcomes are good, but you have to choose one anyway (I hate those kind!!)

Making decisions takes a strength of character that can manage the outcomes, no matter what they might be.

Each year I choose a word to guide my actions, priorities and growth. This year, my word is decisiveness.

I will be working to improve my ability to make decisions with wisdom and courage. How about you? Could you be a little more decisive in your life and your business? Do you tend to freeze when faced with difficult situations? Maybe you have a different relationship with decisiveness. I think this is a valuable area to explore and discuss, so share your thoughts in the comments.

Plus-You Can Now Join Our FREE Mastering Success Facebook Community at www.masteringsuccess.group

Source

How to Stop Overthinking Everything: 9 Simple Habits

What is holding people back from the life that they truly want to live?

I’d say that one very common and destructive thing is that they think too much.

They overthink every little problem until it becomes bigger and scarier and it actually is. Overthink positive things until they don’t look so positive anymore.

Or overanalyze and deconstruct things and so the happiness that comes from just enjoying something in the moment disappears.

Now, thinking things through can be a great thing of course. But being an overthinker can result in becoming someone who stands still in life. In becoming someone who self-sabotages the good things that happen in life.


I know. I used to overthink things a lot and it held me back in ways that weren’t fun at all.

But in the past 8 years or so I have learned how to make this issue so small that it very rarely pops up anymore. And if it does then I know what to do then to overcome it.

In this article I would like to share 9 habits that have helped me in a big, big way to become a simpler and smarter thinker and to live a happier and less fearful life.

1. Put things into a wider perspective.

It is very easy to fall into the trap of overthinking minor things in life.

So when you are thinking and thinking about something ask yourself:

Will this matter in 5 years? Or even in 5 weeks?

I have found that widening the perspective by using this simple question can snap me quickly out of overthinking and help me to let that situation go and focus my time and energy on something that actually does matter to me.

2. Set short time-limits for decisions.

If you do not have a time-limit for when you must make a decision and take action then you can just keep turning your thoughts around and around and view them from all angles in your mind for a very long time.

So learn to become better at making decisions and to spring into action by setting deadlines in your daily life. No matter if it is a small or bigger decision.

Here’s what have worked for me.
For small decisions like if should go and do the dishes, respond to an email or work out I usually give myself 30 seconds or less to make a decision.
For somewhat larger decisions that would have taken me days or weeks to think through in the past I use a deadline for 30 minutes or for the end of the workday.

3. Become a person of action.

When you know how to get started with taking action consistently each day then you’ll procrastinate less by overthinking.

Setting deadlines is one thing that have helped me to become much more of person of action.

Taking small steps forward and only focusing on getting one small step done at a time is another habit that have worked really well.

It works so well because you do not feel overwhelmed and so you do not want flee into procrastination. And even though you may be afraid, taking just a step is such a small thing that you do not get paralyzed in fear.

4. Realize that you cannot control everything.

Trying to think things through 50 times can be a way to try to control everything. To cover every eventuality so you do not risk making a mistake, fail or looking like a fool.

But those things are a part of living a life where you truly stretch your comfort zone. Everyone who you may admire and have lived a life that inspires you has failed. They have made mistakes.

But in most cases they have also seen these things as valuable feedback to learn from. Those things that may look negative have taught them a lot and have been invaluable to help them to grow.

So stop trying to control everything. Trying to do so simply doesn’t work because no one can see all possible scenarios in advance.

This is of course easier said than done. So do it in small steps if you like.

5. Say stop in situation where you know you cannot think straight.

Sometimes when I am hungry or when I am lying in bed and are about to go to sleep negative thoughts start buzzing around in my mind.

In the past they could do quite a bit of damage. Nowadays I have become good at catching them quickly and to say to myself:

No, no, we are not going to think about this now.

I know that when I am hungry or sleepy then my mind sometimes tend to be vulnerable to not thinking clearly and to negativity.

So I follow up my “no, no…” phrase and I say to myself that I will think this situation or issue through when I know that my mind will work much better.

For example, after I have eaten something or in the morning after I have gotten my hours of sleep.

It took a bit of practice to get this to work but I have gotten pretty good at postponing thinking in this way. And I know from experience that when I revisit a situation with some level-headed thinking then in 80% of the cases the issue is very small to nonexistent.

And if there is a real issue then my mind is prepared to deal with it in much better and more constructive way.

6. Do not get lost in vague fears.

Another trap that I have fallen into many times that have spurred on overthinking is that I have gotten lost in vague fears about a situation in my life. And so my mind running wild has created disaster scenarios about what could happen if I do something.

So I have learned to ask myself: honestly, what is the worst that could happen?

And when I have figured out what the worst that could happen actually is then I can also spend a little time to think about what I can do if that often pretty unlikely thing happens.

I have found that the worst that could realistically happen is usually something that is not as scary as what my mind running wild with vague fear could produce.

Finding clarity in this way usually only takes a few minutes of time and bit of energy and it can save you a lot of time and suffering.

7. Work out.

This might sound a bit odd.

But in my experience working out – especially with lifting weights – can help me to let go of inner tensions and worries.

It most often makes me feel more decisive and when I was more of an overthinker then it was often my go-to method of changing the headspace I was in to a more constructive one.

8. Spend more of your time in the present moment.

By being in the present moment in your everyday life rather than in the past or a possible future in your mind you can replace more and more of the time you usually spend on overthinking things with just being here right now instead.

Three ways that I often use to reconnect with the present moment are:
Slow down. Slow down how you do whatever you are doing right now. Move slower, talk slower or ride your bicycle more slowly for example. By doing so you become more aware of how you use your body and what is happening all around you right now.
Tell yourself: Now I am… I often tell myself this: Now I am X. And X could be brushing my teeth. Taking a walk in the woods. Or doing the dishes. This simple reminder helps my mind to stop wandering and brings my focus back to what is happening in this moment.
Disrupt and reconnect. If you feel you are getting lost in overthinking then disrupt that thought by – in your mind – shouting this to yourself : STOP! Then reconnect with the present moment by taking just 1-2 minutes to focus fully on what is going on around you. Take it all in with all your senses. Feel it, hear it, smell it, see it and sense it on your skin.

9. Spend more of your time with people who do not overthink things.

Your social environment plays a big part. And not just the people and groups close to you in real life. But also what you read, listen to and watch. The blogs, books, forums, movies, podcasts and music in your life.

So think about if there are any sources in your life – close by or further away – that encourages and tends create more overthinking in your mind. And think about what people or sources that has the opposite effect on you.

Find ways to spend more of your time and attention with the people and sources that have a positive effect on your thinking and less on the influences that tends to strengthen your overthinking habit.

Plus-You Can Now Join Our FREE Mastering Success Facebook Community at www.masteringsuccess.group

Source

How to Stop Overthinking Everything: 9 Simple Habits

What is holding people back from the life that they truly want to live?

I’d say that one very common and destructive thing is that they think too much.

They overthink every little problem until it becomes bigger and scarier and it actually is. Overthink positive things until they don’t look so positive anymore.

Or overanalyze and deconstruct things and so the happiness that comes from just enjoying something in the moment disappears.

Now, thinking things through can be a great thing of course. But being an overthinker can result in becoming someone who stands still in life. In becoming someone who self-sabotages the good things that happen in life.

I know. I used to overthink things a lot and it held me back in ways that weren’t fun at all.

But in the past 8 years or so I have learned how to make this issue so small that it very rarely pops up anymore. And if it does then I know what to do then to overcome it.

In this article I would like to share 9 habits that have helped me in a big, big way to become a simpler and smarter thinker and to live a happier and less fearful life.

1. Put things into a wider perspective.

It is very easy to fall into the trap of overthinking minor things in life.

So when you are thinking and thinking about something ask yourself:

Will this matter in 5 years? Or even in 5 weeks?

I have found that widening the perspective by using this simple question can snap me quickly out of overthinking and help me to let that situation go and focus my time and energy on something that actually does matter to me.

2. Set short time-limits for decisions.

If you do not have a time-limit for when you must make a decision and take action then you can just keep turning your thoughts around and around and view them from all angles in your mind for a very long time.

So learn to become better at making decisions and to spring into action by setting deadlines in your daily life. No matter if it is a small or bigger decision.

Here’s what have worked for me.
For small decisions like if should go and do the dishes, respond to an email or work out I usually give myself 30 seconds or less to make a decision.
For somewhat larger decisions that would have taken me days or weeks to think through in the past I use a deadline for 30 minutes or for the end of the workday.

3. Become a person of action.

When you know how to get started with taking action consistently each day then you’ll procrastinate less by overthinking.

Setting deadlines is one thing that have helped me to become much more of person of action.

Taking small steps forward and only focusing on getting one small step done at a time is another habit that have worked really well.

It works so well because you do not feel overwhelmed and so you do not want flee into procrastination. And even though you may be afraid, taking just a step is such a small thing that you do not get paralyzed in fear.

4. Realize that you cannot control everything.

Trying to think things through 50 times can be a way to try to control everything. To cover every eventuality so you do not risk making a mistake, fail or looking like a fool.

But those things are a part of living a life where you truly stretch your comfort zone. Everyone who you may admire and have lived a life that inspires you has failed. They have made mistakes.

But in most cases they have also seen these things as valuable feedback to learn from. Those things that may look negative have taught them a lot and have been invaluable to help them to grow.

So stop trying to control everything. Trying to do so simply doesn’t work because no one can see all possible scenarios in advance.

This is of course easier said than done. So do it in small steps if you like.

5. Say stop in situation where you know you cannot think straight.

Sometimes when I am hungry or when I am lying in bed and are about to go to sleep negative thoughts start buzzing around in my mind.

In the past they could do quite a bit of damage. Nowadays I have become good at catching them quickly and to say to myself:

No, no, we are not going to think about this now.

I know that when I am hungry or sleepy then my mind sometimes tend to be vulnerable to not thinking clearly and to negativity.

So I follow up my “no, no…” phrase and I say to myself that I will think this situation or issue through when I know that my mind will work much better.

For example, after I have eaten something or in the morning after I have gotten my hours of sleep.

It took a bit of practice to get this to work but I have gotten pretty good at postponing thinking in this way. And I know from experience that when I revisit a situation with some level-headed thinking then in 80% of the cases the issue is very small to nonexistent.

And if there is a real issue then my mind is prepared to deal with it in much better and more constructive way.

6. Do not get lost in vague fears.

Another trap that I have fallen into many times that have spurred on overthinking is that I have gotten lost in vague fears about a situation in my life. And so my mind running wild has created disaster scenarios about what could happen if I do something.

So I have learned to ask myself: honestly, what is the worst that could happen?

And when I have figured out what the worst that could happen actually is then I can also spend a little time to think about what I can do if that often pretty unlikely thing happens.

I have found that the worst that could realistically happen is usually something that is not as scary as what my mind running wild with vague fear could produce.

Finding clarity in this way usually only takes a few minutes of time and bit of energy and it can save you a lot of time and suffering.

7. Work out.

This might sound a bit odd.

But in my experience working out – especially with lifting weights – can help me to let go of inner tensions and worries.

It most often makes me feel more decisive and when I was more of an overthinker then it was often my go-to method of changing the headspace I was in to a more constructive one.

8. Spend more of your time in the present moment.

By being in the present moment in your everyday life rather than in the past or a possible future in your mind you can replace more and more of the time you usually spend on overthinking things with just being here right now instead.

Three ways that I often use to reconnect with the present moment are:
Slow down. Slow down how you do whatever you are doing right now. Move slower, talk slower or ride your bicycle more slowly for example. By doing so you become more aware of how you use your body and what is happening all around you right now.
Tell yourself: Now I am… I often tell myself this: Now I am X. And X could be brushing my teeth. Taking a walk in the woods. Or doing the dishes. This simple reminder helps my mind to stop wandering and brings my focus back to what is happening in this moment.
Disrupt and reconnect. If you feel you are getting lost in overthinking then disrupt that thought by – in your mind – shouting this to yourself : STOP! Then reconnect with the present moment by taking just 1-2 minutes to focus fully on what is going on around you. Take it all in with all your senses. Feel it, hear it, smell it, see it and sense it on your skin.

9. Spend more of your time with people who do not overthink things.

Your social environment plays a big part. And not just the people and groups close to you in real life. But also what you read, listen to and watch. The blogs, books, forums, movies, podcasts and music in your life.

So think about if there are any sources in your life – close by or further away – that encourages and tends create more overthinking in your mind. And think about what people or sources that has the opposite effect on you.

Find ways to spend more of your time and attention with the people and sources that have a positive effect on your thinking and less on the influences that tends to strengthen your overthinking habit.

Plus-You Can Now Join Our FREE Mastering Success Facebook Community at www.masteringsuccess.group

Source

3 Things You Need to Stop Doing to Get Started with What You Truly Want to Do

“What is not started today is never finished tomorrow.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.”
George Eliot

Getting started with doing what you truly want to do in life can be hard.

No matter if what you want is to start exercising, create your own business on the side, write a book, improve your relationship with yourself, see other parts of the world or something entirely else.

But often we make getting started a lot harder than it needs to be by standing in our own way.

So in today’s article I’d like to share 3 things you need to stop doing to step out of your own way and make it so much easier to actually get started instead of just keep dreaming about it.

1. Stop making it a huge and vague thing in your mind.

The more you think about whatever you want to get started with the bigger it tends to become in your head. And as you keep thinking about the various ways this could go it tends to become scarier and scarier.

So do this instead:
Get knowledge from the others who have been where you want to go. To defuse vague fears about what could happen if you got started and about the unclear unknown, get information from people who have already gone where you want to go.
It is easier than ever to find them today. Look them up online and read what they have written and said or send them an email. Or go ask someone you know in real life that has done what you want to do.
Ask yourself: Honestly, what is realistically the worst that could happen? Take a couple of deep breaths to calm down your mind a bit. Then ask yourself this question.
You’ll realize that in most cases the worst thing that could realistically happen is not that bad. It may sting for a bit. But it is something you can handle. And it is a situation you can find something to do about if this worst case scenario were to happen. The clarity you get from this question can – in my experience – reduce fears quite a bit.

2. Stop trying to control everything.

Being prepared and knowing some things certainly helps.

But it can become a trap when you try to control it all or think things through 50 times to be on the safe side and to not risk making mistakes, fail or look like a fool.

What to do instead:
Realize: you will stumble and that is OK. It happens to anyone who steps outside of his or her comfort zone. It has happened to everyone you may admire and who have lived a life that is inspiring.
It is simply a part of a life well lived. And if you reflect on what you can learn from a mistake then that will be invaluable to help you grow and improve.
Learn to set time-limits for small decisions at first. If you have trouble with overthinking then set a time-limit for when you have to make a decision. This might seem a bit scary though.
So start small and set a 30-60 second time-limit when trying to decide if you are going to work out or reply to an email. Do that for a while and then move on to slightly bigger decisions. And then even bigger ones after that.

3. Stop thinking that you have to get started in a big and spectacular way.

If you have a big goal or dream or even a medium sized one then it is easy to think that you have to take an action of the same size to get started or to get where you want to go.

That is most often not true though.

What to do instead:
Go small. Just ask yourself: what is one small step I can take today to get the ball rolling with my goal/dream? Then take just that small action. And tomorrow or later on today you can do the same thing again. If that question still lands you in procrastination then ask yourself: What is one tiny step I can take to get the ball rolling?
Single-task each little step. Focus on just the one step you are taking. Nothing else. Otherwise it is easy to get lost in thought, to go off track or to feel uncomfortable or fearful. So keep your attention on just this one action and step forward.
And after that, the next one. Let these actions build day after day into something bigger. And before you know it you’ll have gone quite a distance on your journey.

Source

How to Stop Overthinking Everything: 9 Simple Habits

What is holding people back from the life that they truly want to live?

I’d say that one very common and destructive thing is that they think too much.

They overthink every little problem until it becomes bigger and scarier and it actually is. Overthink positive things until they don’t look so positive anymore.

Or over analyse and deconstruct things and so the happiness that comes from just enjoying something in the moment disappears.

Now, thinking things through can be a great thing of course. But being an over thinker can result in becoming someone who stands still in life. In becoming someone who self-sabotages the good things that happen in life.


I know. I used to overthink things a lot and it held me back in ways that weren’t fun at all.

But in the past 8 years or so I have learned how to make this issue so small that it very rarely pops up anymore. And if it does then I know what to do then to overcome it.

In this article I would like to share 9 habits that have helped me in a big, big way to become a simpler and smarter thinker and to live a happier and less fearful life.

1. Put things into a wider perspective.
It is very easy to fall into the trap of overthinking minor things in life.

So when you are thinking and thinking about something ask yourself:

Will this matter in 5 years? Or even in 5 weeks?

I have found that widening the perspective by using this simple question can snap me quickly out of overthinking and help me to let that situation go and focus my time and energy on something that actually does matter to me.

2. Set short time-limits for decisions.

If you do not have a time-limit for when you must make a decision and take action then you can just keep turning your thoughts around and around and view them from all angles in your mind for a very long time.

So learn to become better at making decisions and to spring into action by setting deadlines in your daily life. No matter if it is a small or bigger decision.

Here’s what have worked for me.
For small decisions like if should go and do the dishes, respond to an email or work out I usually give myself 30 seconds or less to make a decision.
For somewhat larger decisions that would have taken me days or weeks to think through in the past I use a deadline for 30 minutes or for the end of the workday.

3. Become a person of action.

When you know how to get started with taking action consistently each day then you’ll procrastinate less by overthinking.

Setting deadlines is one thing that have helped me to become much more of person of action.

Taking small steps forward and only focusing on getting one small step done at a time is another habit that have worked really well.

It works so well because you do not feel overwhelmed and so you do not want flee into procrastination. And even though you may be afraid, taking just a step is such a small thing that you do not get paralysed in fear.

4. Realise that you cannot control everything.

Trying to think things through 50 times can be a way to try to control everything. To cover every eventuality so you do not risk making a mistake, fail or looking like a fool.

But those things are a part of living a life where you truly stretch your comfort zone. Everyone who you may admire and have lived a life that inspires you has failed. They have made mistakes.

But in most cases they have also seen these things as valuable feedback to learn from. Those things that may look negative have taught them a lot and have been invaluable to help them to grow.

So stop trying to control everything. Trying to do so simply doesn’t work because no one can see all possible scenarios in advance.

This is of course easier said than done. So do it in small steps if you like.

5. Say stop in situation where you know you cannot think straight.

Sometimes when I am hungry or when I am lying in bed and are about to go to sleep negative thoughts start buzzing around in my mind.

In the past they could do quite a bit of damage. Nowadays I have become good at catching them quickly and to say to myself:

No, no, we are not going to think about this now.

I know that when I am hungry or sleepy then my mind sometimes tend to be vulnerable to not thinking clearly and to negativity.

So I follow up my “no, no…” phrase and I say to myself that I will think this situation or issue through when I know that my mind will work much better.

For example, after I have eaten something or in the morning after I have gotten my hours of sleep.

It took a bit of practice to get this to work but I have gotten pretty good at postponing thinking in this way. And I know from experience that when I revisit a situation with some level-headed thinking then in 80% of the cases the issue is very small to nonexistent.

And if there is a real issue then my mind is prepared to deal with it in much better and more constructive way.

6. Do not get lost in vague fears.

Another trap that I have fallen into many times that have spurred on overthinking is that I have gotten lost in vague fears about a situation in my life. And so my mind running wild has created disaster scenarios about what could happen if I do something.

So I have learned to ask myself: honestly, what is the worst that could happen?

And when I have figured out what the worst that could happen actually is then I can also spend a little time to think about what I can do if that often pretty unlikely thing happens.

I have found that the worst that could realistically happen is usually something that is not as scary as what my mind running wild with vague fear could produce.

Finding clarity in this way usually only takes a few minutes of time and bit of energy and it can save you a lot of time and suffering.

7. Work out.

This might sound a bit odd.

But in my experience working out – especially with lifting weights – can help me to let go of inner tensions and worries.

It most often makes me feel more decisive and when I was more of an over thinker then it was often my go-to method of changing the head space I was in to a more constructive one.

8. Spend more of your time in the present moment.

By being in the present moment in your everyday life rather than in the past or a possible future in your mind you can replace more and more of the time you usually spend on overthinking things with just being here right now instead.

Three ways that I often use to reconnect with the present moment are:
Slow down. Slow down how you do whatever you are doing right now. Move slower, talk slower or ride your bicycle more slowly for example. By doing so you become more aware of how you use your body and what is happening all around you right now.
Tell yourself: Now I am… I often tell myself this: Now I am X. And X could be brushing my teeth. Taking a walk in the woods. Or doing the dishes. This simple reminder helps my mind to stop wandering and brings my focus back to what is happening in this moment.
Disrupt and reconnect. If you feel you are getting lost in overthinking then disrupt that thought by – in your mind – shouting this to yourself : STOP! Then reconnect with the present moment by taking just 1-2 minutes to focus fully on what is going on around you. Take it all in with all your senses. Feel it, hear it, smell it, see it and sense it on your skin.

9. Spend more of your time with people who do not overthink things.

Your social environment plays a big part. And not just the people and groups close to you in real life. But also what you read, listen to and watch. The blogs, books, forums, movies, podcasts and music in your life.

So think about if there are any sources in your life – close by or further away – that encourages and tends create more overthinking in your mind. And think about what people or sources that has the opposite effect on you.

Find ways to spend more of your time and attention with the people and sources that have a positive effect on your thinking and less on the influences that tends to strengthen your overthinking habit.

Source

A Little Change Makes a Big Investment

As I wander through life there are many interesting conversations to overhear and participate in. One that's caught my attention lately is how hard change is. You can resist change and stay stuck in your situation, or you can grow through change and create a different reality.

There's no denying that change is hard, at first. The benefit of sticking with the effort to make a change is that you emerge a better person. The effort you put in is rewarded by the results you get. The path along the way can be a bit messy, even disappointing some days, but you still owe it to yourself to persevere. And you learn and grow from even the messy stuff in the middle.

Another objection to some making change is that it feel like deprivation. You gotta change that mindset. If doing things that are hard creates a feeling of deprivation, not a feeling of challenge and growth, you owe it to yourself to switch your thinking. Growth isn't a sacrifice. When you lose bad habits you are growing. You lose a bad habit by replacing it with a good habit. When you change from a bad habit to a good habit, you haven't lost a thing, you haven't sacrificed anything - you have grown and improved. There's no deprivation in growth.

In my observations and experience, deciding to change some aspect of your life - diet, physique, addiction, meditation practice... any habit you perform - is energizing. That decision is taking the first step. Taking action is the next step, and subsequent steps, until you reach your goal. That's how change is accomplished, one decision and step at a time.

Each step along the way is a chance to learn. You learn about yourself and the world. Exciting! Empowering. That's part of an Energize Me attitude. That's part of the growth that keeps life interesting and valuable.

Are you tired of at least some aspects of your life? What are you doing about it? Action versus non-action is the difference between someone living up to their potential and someone stuck in the past.

Maybe you don't strive to grow and change because it feels like too much work. That's one of the comments I hear. Consider this: you are working toward the wrong goal, you aren't passionate about the change you are avoiding. That is stressful. Altering your attitude or goal will turn hard work into passion.

Another possibility is that you haven't found the right attitude about the change you want, or are told you must make. Can you wrap your head around the idea of accepting that the change is important and taking the first step, even if it's a little one? Can you tiptoe into the change? Some people prefer jumping in with both feet - or diving in head first. Regardless, you have to move toward your goal or your desired change won't happen. What's your style?

A friend of mine has learned to live his life like a video game or movie script. By turning a challenge into a game goal - complete with points, levels, and rewards - he has been living the life of his dreams for over six years now. Now that's energizing! That's the path to success for him, and lots of his tribe.

The reality, is by taking on change you are investing in yourself. You invest in yourself in other ways, like education, saving for a goal, health, or the friends you keep; why not invest in yourself when it comes to your habits and attitudes?

You'll find your life more satisfying and gratifying as you accept that change can be hard, but that you can make it easier. You'll be energized by the action you take with that first step. You'll live a better life.

Source

How to Stop Beating Yourself Up All the Time

“You can’t do this!”

“You just keep making the wrong decisions over and over.”

“Everyone else knows what they’re doing, what’s wrong with you?”

Does this voice sound familiar?

It’s your own — the words you might say in your head when you’re down on yourself. Self-criticism can often be healthy, as it is a sign of self-awareness. It can help you find ways to improve, build stronger relationships and grow.

But when self-criticism gets too harsh, it can be just the opposite. Too much self-criticism won’t lead to self-improvement. Instead, it can slowly wear away at your confidence and peace of mind and make it harder to achieve your personal goals.


Why Do We Beat Ourselves Up?

It is natural to experience doubt and strive to improve — but chronically thinking of yourself as not good enough can really negatively impact your well-being.

You likely wouldn’t appreciate the judgements and critiques of others or when someone is bullying or harassing a friend or loved one, so it’s obvious why self-criticism can be just as harmful.

What’s worse is we are often our own harshest critic. No one knows you better than yourself, so no one knows better than you how to get under your skin.

So what causes us to go from healthy self-criticism to legitimate self-bullying? One explanation is a lack of compassion towards oneself. Consider the negative voice in your head and the things it says to you. Would you direct those words toward other people?
Learning From the Past

This lack of kindness for oneself could be related to past emotional experiences. Children especially are susceptible to holding on to harsh criticism, feeling insecure and un-confident.

To avoid future criticism, we then set standards for ourselves. If these standards are not met, we then beat ourselves up. This can even lead to negative forms of perfectionism.

This mindset leads to a lack of energy or motivation, which makes it even harder to bounce back and think positively. It’s a vicious cycle.


How to Stop Beating Yourself Up


So what steps can you take toward beating back the self-bullying you and embracing a more positive mindset?

Here are a few tips to get you thinking:


1. Self-Awareness and Self-Kindness

The first step is to recognize when you’re putting yourself down. Self-awareness is at the root of all self-criticism, so you must also be aware of when you are treating yourself kindly and when you are self-deprecating.

Once you know you are needlessly beating yourself up, you won’t magically stop. However, you can counteract the negativity by complimenting yourself when you do something well. Acknowledge when you achieve a goal, even a small one.

Consider also the things that make you happy — again, even the small ones — each day. Write them down if it helps you to focus. You may be surprised that even though your day feels like it’s going badly, lots of good things happen throughout.

Do this especially at the end of the day when you’re trying to wind down. You can lose sleep when your mind is stressed with negative thoughts, which will further reduce your energy.

2. Don’t Compare Yourself to Other People

In times where you are failing, it can be easy to look around at other people who are doing well and compare ourselves to them.

However, you must take a step back and consider you are only seeing one perspective. That other person you see may be excelling in one area — but like you, they deal with a myriad of thoughts, feelings and problems you can’t know.

If you are aware you tend to compare yourself to others, begin to remind yourself you are your own person with your own path. You might be capable of the same successes you see others achieving, and it is possible to work toward them in your own way.

3. Recognize Your Failures as Learning Opportunities

You will fail sometimes. That is inevitable. It can happen in any area of your life. The key is to think of your failures in a more positive light. Any mistake is also an experience you can learn from, and the knowledge you gain will help you down the road:
Perhaps you are criticized by a supervisor for missing a deadline. You can’t change that mistake, but you can do your best on the next assignment.
Maybe you have an awkward social interaction with a colleague. You can’t undo it, but the next time you see them you can make up for it.
Maybe your failure is more severe, like a bad investment or getting scammed out of your money. What’s done is done, but next time you will have the experience and will know to do sufficient research about the business and industry or other opportunity you’re investing in.


Whatever the situation, you will always be learning — which means you will always be improving.


4. Be Patient

You won’t be able to get rid of all your negative thoughts at once. Old habits die hard, and learning to think positively takes time and practice.

Take these steps each day, and over time you may notice improvements in your mindset, your productivity, your motivation and your energy.

Ask others for help as well. Let those close to you know you are struggling and trying to improve yourself, and they will support you. You can even seek the help of a psychiatric professional to help guide your process.


Summary

There is a calm, reasonable you inside of the self-doubting and critical version of yourself.

In time, you can learn to let him or her shine.
Are you beating yourself up too much? Leave a comment below.

Source

5 Regrets You Don’t Want to Have on Your Deathbed

As the age old saying goes: “YOLO!”

Oh wait, that’s the new age saying. The age old saying is what that acronym actually stands for…“You Only Live Once”.

Time seems to be racing at such a fast pace these days. Have you noticed?

Over the past 18 months as I’ve been writing here on The Start of Happiness I’ve been doing some deep and big thinking. It’s been about getting absolute clarity of what I want to do in life and ensuring I give myself to it to make it a reality.

When I look back on my life I don’t want to be living with any regrets. That’s why I made the biggest and toughest decision of my life and left my highly-paid, six-figure career to start over with nothing but a laptop and a desire to help others turn their passions into a thriving lifestyle.

Since leaving the corporate world, starting my own business has been one of excitement, challenge and monumental learning. It’s been one of the best things I have ever done in my life.

To wake up each and every day with more passion and motivation for what I’m doing is a massive milestone in itself. In saying that, it has been challenging, hard-work and has come with plenty of success and failure.

In the first 9 months of my new business – Gradrecruit, I’ve managed to get site traffic up to 60,000 page views a month and a user base of over 2,000 which I would say is a huge success. My income is generated from corporate clients and this has been harder than I first expected. But it’s expected that a new business takes time to build its brand, trust and client base. For the personal journey and learning experience I’ve been on, I wouldn’t change it for the world and I’m glad I’ve challenged myself in this way.

Making the Decision and Taking the Chance

Life is full of opportunity. It comes down to taking the chance.

Over and over again, different individuals prove that there are new and exciting ways of making a living. Just like this person who is a pet detective (no, it’s not Ace Ventura, although it is my favourite movie of all time so I automatically love these guys… alllrightythen!) These individuals are the trailblazers for new careers and they are bearing all the risk. There is never a guarantee that something will work out, but don’t you wish you would have at least tried?

I recently went to an entrepreneurial conference in Sydney where I got the chance to meet Sheryl Thai, a regular 20-something female who absolutely loved cupcakes. She thought she should start making cupcakes to sell to her friends. Just 4 years later, she’s turned her business, Cupcake Central, into a multimillion dollar powerhouse. AMAZING.

It all starts with a simple decision.

It’s the decision to change your life and do what you have always wanted to do.

I had always had the dream of starting Gradrecruit since I was a graduate at university. It was something that never left me. I always felt there was a link missing between the workforce and students at university. I realised that if I had been having these thoughts for a number of years, it’s something that I need to at least try. My gut was telling me I just needed to do it.

If you have a similar gut feeling about something you want to do, my recommendation would be to trust your gut. It’s always right.


There’s No Time for Regrets

The fact that time is flying by so fast means that there is absolutely no time for regrets.

Do you know what the most common regrets are of those on their deathbed?

I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
I wish I didn’t work so hard.
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Just look over number one again.

That sums up what I’m getting across to you in this post.

It’s about having the courage to be authentically you. What are your deepest desires, passions and interests and how do you want to live your life?

That is the NUMBER 1 regret that most people have on their deathbeds. Do you want to be like most people and have that same regret?

Those that have lied on their deathbed and shared their regrets do so to help those that still have a number of years left in their life. If I were you I’d take their advice as gold. What matters most to us is is clear in life’s final moments.

Now, re-read number two again.

We are not on this planet to work, but to love and make a difference. Sure, your work can make a difference to society and to other people directly, but you have to make sure that you are doing the right work that enables you to be authentically you.

I would argue that work is not work when you’re absolutely passionate about it.

If you can find something that you really enjoy doing and use it as a vehicle for wealth, then that is more ‘play’ than work. When you get ‘pay for play’, that’s a pretty cool thing.
When is The Start of Happiness for You?

Alexander Kjerulf, one of the world’s leading experts on Happiness at Work said to me recently that there are two main things that create happiness.
Relationships
Meaningful Work

If you can wake up every day, passionate about what you do and know that it makes a positive impact on society, then you’re halfway there. If you can also surround yourself with supportive, passionate people then you’re happiness is going to be unstoppable.



When you link back these two statements with the top 5 regrets on your deathbed, you can easily see the clear link between them all. If this is what life is really about, why are we not allowing ourselves to fulfil it?

Source

I Have the Power to Change Myself

Challenges are regular visitors in our life, and nobody is immune to them. They can either make you lose hope, and even give up, or we can use these challenges to make positive changes in our life.

For instance:

Develop your passion

Having a passion for something, will motivate you towards achieving your goals. When setting your goals, you always want to be passionate about those goals, because if you love what you do, you will be driven by the desire to achieve success. This will go a long way towards reaching your dreams.

Believe in yourself

To believe in yourself is a prerequisite for success. When you have doubts, or negative feelings about yourself, you are sabotaging your progress. Instead you want to see yourself as a winner, and believe in yourself. Feeding your mind with positives, will reinforce your beliefs, and sweep any doubts out of your system.

Track your progress.

It is important that you take note of every improvement you make. This will motivate you to work even harder. Every step forward will give you a boost, and accelerate your efforts to the achievement of your ultimate goal. Learn how to control your emotions. It is important that you use your emotional intelligence, when you encounter problems in your life. You are a product of your thoughts and feelings, and any negative emotions that crop up, can negate the positive forward movement you enjoyed earlier. Approach any challenge with a positive outlook, which will help toward a quick, and positive resolution. You have all the tools you need, in order to make positive changes in your life. The potential for your life is absolutely staggering. The possibilities in front of you go way beyond anything you ever dreamed of. And the best part is, you are in control. It is in your hands to make the changes necessary, to take your life to new heights.

This statement is a perfect description about friendship. While all friends can buy you drinks, drive you home, and/or spoil you in any other way, only the best of them will help you to realize the awesome potential within you. It is only the best among them that can push you to achieve you full potential. It is only the best friend, who is able to give you the confidence to see your capabilities, and help you harness them, in order to set, and reach your lofty goals. It is not surprising, that such an expressive quote came from Henry Ford. Henry Ford is a legend in the automotive industry. The companies he set up continue to thrive, and are enjoying exponential growth. He himself was a remarkable success. To be, where he was, he must have experienced the upsides of many good friendships. Good friends, who spurred him on to become the success as we know it.

As you might have realized already, the path to success is often paved with frustrations and discouragements. Best friends come in, when you experience bout after bout of disappointments. They help you see the big picture, and encourage you to rise from momentary failures, and feelings of disillusionment. True friends will always be there when you need them. The best friendships begin when one person chooses to give unconditionally, when a person chooses to care. It is true, you will often come across individuals, who are ever ready to receive whatever you choose to give, without necessarily giving much back, if anything at all.

Source:

Find Your Motivation

What motivates you?

It's an answer you have to find out for yourself. There are so many things that can make you feel motivated, but to choose just one of them may be the hardest part.

Get negative people out of your life for starters. Criticism is always going to happen. Constructive criticism is a good thing and helps growth, but negative criticism isn't beneficial. I found that when I was being told that my writing wasn't all that good (on a regular basis) I started to believe it myself. Remove yourself from negative environments and surround yourself with positive people. Smile and think happy thoughts.

Ask yourself questions like-

• What goals do I want to achieve?

• Why am I doing this?

• How soon do I want to see these goals reached?

Have visual goals. Make whatever you're working towards a visual. Maybe it's something material like a car, or a vacation you have been looking forward to for the longest time. Take or cut out a picture of it and post it in your environment where you will see it most often. These visuals can be looked at when motivation lacks, and the feeling of continuing towards your goal seems pointless. Picture yourself obtaining that goal and tell yourself you are capable of reaching it.

Draw up a to-do-list. Research has shown that people who write down to-do-lists tend to achieve their goals. Break down the activity into small doable steps instead of having just the final goal. As you achieve each of the smaller tasks, it will help build your confidence that you are indeed on the right path. As your confidence builds, so will your motivation. You will feel encouraged to continue and reach your ultimate goal.

Read books and literature that will help to inspire you. Reading stories about other peoples success can boost motivation levels. Not only will you learn from others peoples' experiences, but it will also be beneficial in motivating you to keep following the path to reaching your goal.

Find forums and communities within your interest and join up. Talking to other members can be one of the biggest motivational kicks. Social Media sites like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram have groups where you can discuss ideas, get tips from other members to help you get back on track.

Positive statements on Post-It notes around your environment, can also help boost motivation.

MAKE THINGS HAPPEN! Keep on aiming high and go for it!

Source 

The Grand Design: Creating Your Life Plan

Creating your life plan will decide how much you want to make, where you want to live, the things you want to do, how much time you want to spend with your family, what business you will be in, and who you want to hang around with. You are a choosing organism. You can choose how you want to live your life. There are certain freedoms that you have that will allow you to create your life plan.

Finding your purpose and living your passions will be one of the greatest joys of your life. Are you ready to take that trip? Have you purchased the tickets to the lifestyle you want? It takes courageous patience to pursue your goals. Goal setting is more about creating a life you want to lead.

Designing your life gives you clarity. Are you in a position to earn the money you want to earn? Can you afford to move to the neighborhood you want? Will your current situation help you become debt free, build wealth, or survive a financial down turn? This is where The Grand Design comes in. I learned this from Darren Hardy and this will help you create your life plan.

The Grand Design 10 Point Checklist to Creating Your Life Plan

1. Think It! Ink It!

Write it down make it happen. Something magical happens when you put your thoughts on paper. It makes your dreams real. Reduce your plan to writing. Quit keeping it in your head. Dreams are nothing until they are written down and put into action.

2. Live In Fantasyland then Bring It To Reality

Now that you have written it down venture off to fantasyland. Be a kid again and dream big! Think of everything you could have if it was possible. You are exercising your dream muscles. Write down what you could do if you had all the skills and resources available. What could you do if you knew you couldn't fail. Don't filter, qualify, or judge. Just write.

Dream so big that it gets scary and you start to feel uneasy. Understand there are no commitments now. You are brainstorming. Get everything on paper. There will be time to separate the absurd from reality. Think of this as having a genie. Write whatever wish you want to come true. What 10 wishes would you wish for? Write that down.

3. Go Big or Go Home

Anyone can accomplish big things. Walt Disney created the World of Disney and his teacher said he didn't have an imagination. Your mind doesn't care about the size of your goal. If you choose little goals it will set out to carry out your little goals. Set big goals it will do the same thing.

Give yourself permission to Go Big! What would you do if you could not fail? What could you do if you had no limitations. Think about it. You go shopping every week because you know the items are there. If not you wait for it to be available again. It's the same thing when you go after your big goals.

Pretend you are writing a script for your life (creating your life plan). How will the main character achieve his goals? What are their secret ambitions? What has the character always wanted to do but was afraid to start? This is how you go big.

4. Speak As If You Already Have It

Speak as if you already have it. Do not speak what you don't want. Always speak in the positive and in the present tense.

5. You are "I AM"

Make your statements in the 1st person. "I am X" vs. "I want X". When you state, "I Want" your mind will always focus on the "wanting to be X". How do you feel when you are always wanting? When you state "I AM", your mind will go to work producing what you have declared true.

6. Be Sure They Are Your Goals

Make sure you are climbing your own mountain. People start the wrong businesses, go into the wrong professions, and don't excel in their strengths because they are living someone else's dream. Your life plan depends on what you want and not the expectations of your family, colleagues, or society.

If your written goals are not from your heart and inner ambitions your subconscious mind will not work to produce them. This will cause frustrations and give the illusions of failure. The truth is you avoided what you didn't want because they weren't your goals.

7. Aligned With Your Values

Athletes quit when they are not passionate about their craft. Entertainers stop entertaining. Corporate superstars dismiss themselves. Designing your life plan will be difficult when your goals are not aligned with your values.

Can you handle sacrificing your core values to accomplish some milestones? Goals must fit your values, standards, and desires. You can still conquer anything you want to. But why go after anything that will not bring joy into your life. Besides it's almost impossible to keep striving when it goes against what you really desire.

8. Fight! Fight! Fight On!

Find your fight my friend. Without a fight we become complacent, lethargic, and sedimentary. We lose our purpose, passion, and energy. Everyone needs an enemy. I fight for people to become debt free, build wealth, build businesses, and to live their passions. An enemy gives you reasons to fight. This challenges your character, pushes you to exercise your skills, and abilities.

What are you willing to fight for? What fight will help you design your life plan? You and your family's future depends on your fight.

9. Self Limiting Beliefs

Don't let your past stop you. Cut the anchors, chains, and leashes that hold you back. There are plenty of programs that can help you defeat self-limiting beliefs.

10. Fear Not

Fear = False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear is a survival technique embedded in our DNA. But we don't have to fear what our ancestors did. Our modern society food, water, shelter, and clothing is readily available. We are not running away from wild animals. Most fears are made up in our heads or suggested to us.

Your big dreams excited you. You probably got a little nervous when you wrote down your desires. Considerations started entering your head. There are fears in every journey. It's a part of the process of goal setting. This is where courage comes in. Acting despite of the fear.

On Your Mark...

Take the time and go through these 10 steps. Get it out on paper and go! There is never a perfect time to start the only time you have is now. Go create your life plan now.

Source: 

7 Ways to Turn Your Life Around

If you could get just one thing through your head, life would be so much better it would turn your whole world upside down. No kidding.

Before I tell you what that one thing is, I need to set the mood. Have you ever had an epiphany where you realized that everything you thought you knew was wrong? Well, you’re about to. Are you ready? Are you sure? Good.

Success doesn’t come from books or blogs. Just to be clear so there’s no misunderstanding, there is not one person on God’s green earth -- or in the virtual world, for that matter -- who can change how things turn out for you. Not a single one. Except you.

All that popular stuff you read about becoming rich, famous, or successful is complete and total BS. That’s right; it’s true and I’ll tell you why: none of it is written by anyone who has done an honest day’s work in his life. They just make this stuff up to get you to click, buy, whatever. It only enriches them, not you.

Now that I have your attention, let me tell you what will help you make something of yourself and, if you do things right, live a good life. Yes, I know that sounds a bit anticlimactic – what with all the millions everyone else promises you – but that’s honestly the only thing I or anyone else can do for you. The rest is up to you.  

1. Develop a strong work ethic.

In terms of building a successful career, work ethic trumps everything. What that means is doing your job and getting it done come hell or high water. It means striving to be better than anyone. It means working your tail off, meeting your commitments and making your boss, customers, or stakeholders deliriously happy.

2. Focus on doing only what matters.

Remember what I just said about work ethic? If you want to look at it in a broad sense, you need to figure out what matters most in life and focus on doing just that. If you prioritize and are disciplined about it, you can forget personal productivity, daily habits and all that other nonsense. None of it matters.

3. Don’t be a lazy slacker.

Quit screwing around and get to work. More importantly, quit screwing around and calling it work. What I mean by that is this: Everything you think will advance your prospects – building your personal brand, social networking, seminars, coaching sessions, reading blogs and self-help books – is a waste of time. All of it.

4. Quit searching for answers.

There are none. Actually, let me rephrase that. There are no answers that don’t come from one of three places: Education, experience and introspection. They are the source of all learning. When I say education, I mean real education. School. Experience means working in the real world. And introspection means sitting quietly and listening to yourself. Notice: no books, no blogs.

5. Make smart decisions.

Smart people with good instincts and lots of experience take smart risks and make good choices. That, hands down, is the most important factor in determining how things turn out for you. Workers are paid to work. Managers are paid to manager. Top executives are paid to make smart decisions that end up making customers happy and making investors lots of money.

6. Accept that nothing you have to say matters to anyone.

There is no reason for the vast majority of you to be generating content. None. After you’ve become successful in the real world, then your experience, knowledge, insights, and opinions will matter. Until then, quit wasting your time and everyone else’s. The sooner you accomplish great things in the working world, the sooner you’ll have something to say that matters.

7. Build real relationships with real people.

Sure, social networks make it easier to connect with people, but every business and career opportunity that’s ever come my way has been from a real person I knew personally. Every single one. People will not lift a finger to help you until there is a real, human connection. One real relationship in the real world is worth 1,000 friends and followers in the virtual world.   

Just so you know, all of this used to be common sense but, in today’s world, it’s wisdom. So be it. The sooner you understand that success comes only from you, your work, and your experience, the sooner you’ll turn your life around and become a huge success story. So get to it. 

source