5 Truths About Self-Improvement and Toxic Friends

When you start to make positive changes and improve yourself, you expect your friends to be excited and happy for you. Nobody expects a close friendship to turn toxic, but unfortunately it happens. I can tell you firsthand that it's devastating when once close friendships crash and burn during a time that should be exciting for you. Toxic friendships don't always mean that your best friend is actively sabotaging you Mean Girls style, they can happen when you have simply grown apart and chosen different paths. Read my 5 truths about personal growth and toxic friendships and see if anything resonates with you.

Creating personal growth in your life won't sit well with some friends

If you are transforming your life with positive changes, whether it's gaining confidence in yourself, losing weight, maybe starting a new career, you're going to lose friends. Period. People who aren't comfortable with change will find your evolving life hard to swallow, maybe because it reminds them that they are stagnant in life, or maybe they aren't used to you standing up for yourself. Maybe your whole friendship was based on the negative behaviors that you kicked. Self improvement will expose the friends that don't have your best interests at heart. Be prepared to lose friends, for it to hurt a lot, and then to get over it and feel happy. Losing friends may not seem like it, but it can be a blessing in disguise.

A toxic friend is not necessarily a bad person

The thing about toxic friends is that sometimes they don't mean to be toxic at all and are generally pretty good people outside of your shaky friendship. Maybe they just are terrified of change, and can't understand your new perspective. Most toxic friends come in the form of people who aren't supportive of your successes, talk behind your back, or are judgmental of your goals. I'm talking about the friends who leave you feeling drained, negative, or down about yourself every time you see them.They aren't bad people but that doesn't change the fact that they are toxic to your personal growth. Take a good hard look at your friendships and notice who is trying to get you to go back to your bad habits, who cuts you off when you're sharing something you're proud of, who tells you you're not a good friend because you're not putting all your attention on them. Those are the kind of people you don't need.

Ending the friendship doesn't have to be dramatic.

I can look at my former group of friends with love and respect for the time we spent together, but at the same time know that they are toxic to my improved self. I don't spend my time gossiping, but I used to with them. I don't like to have shallow surface conversations all the time, but I used to with them. I don't spend my time complaining about the present while reminiscing about the past, but I used to with them.I chose to be positive, work towards the future instead of being stuck in the past, and stop making fun of people because it made me feel better about myself, and unfortunately that caused some awkwardness and distance in the friendship. People grow apart and choose different paths, and my path just didn't have room for their negative energy. I'm not saying to cut off friends who don't agree with you all the time or who have different goals than you, I'm saying it's important to have friends who are authentic. Ending a friendship doesn't have to be a big, dramatic fight. You could try to discuss how you're feeling with them if you're interested in saving the friendship; maybe they don't realize how they're affecting you and can shift their attitude. If that's not the case, you have two options: you can directly say you need some space, or slowly stop hanging out with them. Leaving it on a good note leaves room for re-connection if you feel they may grow in the future.

Leaving toxic friendships will free up your energy and time to spend on supportive relationships

Here's the hard part: even though they don't mean to be toxic, and are generally good people, they're still toxic and you have to move on. Leaving a friendship is just as hard as leaving a romantic relationship, especially if you still love and respect that friend. I had to do it, and it bothered me for the better part of a year. I asked myself the same things over and over "why don't my best friends understand me, why are they so caught up in trivial and negative things"? I lost sleep over it, cried about it, yelled about it, but in the end, I came to understand it was for the best. Now, I only spend my time with people who celebrate me, support me, and love me unconditionally, and who I celebrate, support and love. It's an amazing feeling to be surrounded by people I know only want the best for me. I'm happier, more confident, more fulfilled, more inspired! Great things come from dropping the toxic friends.

Never hide your positive progress because a friend isn't happy for you

Toxic friends have their own underlying issues that are causing them to act in an un-supportive way towards you, don't take it personally. It's an indicator that they aren't happy with themselves or their lives, so it's not you it's them. Just because people aren't happy about your amazing progress doesn't mean you should hide it. Shine bright like a diamond yo, you worked hard to manifest change in your life, don't let a few doubters dull your success. Surround yourself with friends who are proud of you and push you to do better. Assess your circle and only keep the awesome people around. Any friend who doesn't leave you feeling uplifted, supported, and happy doesn't need to be a friend, and life is too short to associate people who don't appreciate the beautiful soul that you are. Just know that you are not the only person to go through this. It may feel lonely now, but soon you'll find people who will appreciate who you are and who you're trying to be, and it won't feel forced or lonely. Always follow your intuition, if someone is constantly bringing you down, it may be time to reconsider the friendship.

Have you had any encounters with personal growth and toxic friendships? Tell me about it in the comments below! It would be AMAZING to hear your story!

Source

9 Easy Steps To Defeat Laziness

Everybody feels a little lazy at times. But laziness on a regular basis can have a severe unfavorable effect on your life. Laziness is a natural tendency. All animals incline towards comfort, or at least what's viewed to be comfortable. However, laziness is indulging in short-term convenience at the cost of long-term pain.

Do you understand anybody with a terrific life that's lazy? In time, the law of cause and effect holds true. Laziness has a long-lasting cost.

Beat laziness and accomplish more:

1. Discover a reason to get excited. Think about the advantages you'll get by getting it done. It might be the completed result that thrills you or that you're learning and growing. Perhaps showing self-discipline is something that you can get thrilled about. It's much more difficult to accomplish something if you're complaining about it.

2. Set a due date. When you have plenty of time to complete something, or no deadline at all, it's human nature to procrastinate. Setting a deadline in the near future can help to focus your interest and energy.

3. Develop smaller sized jobs from the main task. Every big job can be done in steps. Even building a house has steps. First the site needs to be prepared. Then the foundation is created, and the framing begins. The remaining steps are followed until your house is completed.

The total task might be big and challenging. However, the individual jobs, or steps, might be easier to handle.

4. Concentrate on taking the first step. When you get started, the momentum you have actually produced can carry you far. Action breeds further action. Sitting on the sofa tends to result in more sitting. Instead of stressing over the mountain of work ahead of you, focus on getting one easy job finished.

5. Find something that motivates you. It can be something as basic as a book of motivating quotes or a song that energizes you. You already know what inspires you. Utilize it to your benefit.

6. Consider the pain of not starting. We're good at imagining the discomfort of getting started, but attempt to imagine the opposite. Exactly what will take place if you continue to be lazy? What will it cost you in the future? What has it cost you so far? Instead of using discomfort as a need to lazy, use pain to produce action.

7. Remind yourself that the last few years have flown by. Laziness is frequently a chronic condition. A great deal of time has passed in the last 5 years, but how much have you achieved? Five years goes by quickly, especially when one day appears to be a copy of every other day. Life is wasting away. Get up and do something!

8. Reward yourself for taking action. Get something done and celebrate. You may not have done enough to reward yourself with a brand-new car, but you deserve to get excited and take pride in yourself and your accomplishments.

9. Be patient. It's common to believe that action comes from inspiration, but the opposite might be more real. Action results in more and better results.

As you achieve results, that breeds more motivation. Be psychologically tough and just get busy. You'll have a need to be motivated soon enough.

Avoid enabling laziness to keep you on the sidelines. It will take your time and limit your results!

Source

7 Ways to Start Spreading the Optimism Today

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
Winston Churchill

Optimism.

It can turn a situation that looks negative or bleak into an opportunity or something to learn from.

It can replace the draining thoughts of pessimism with something that will give you more energy and enthusiasm again.

And it can help you to jump over obstacles, to keep moving when you fall or stumble and to not give up just because you have had a couple of temporary setbacks.

So not just adding more of it to your own life but to the lives of the people in your world too is a good idea.


Because you tend to get back what you give in the long run.

And in the short run, well, you get to enjoy the smiles when you spread the optimism. Plus, you’ll boost your own self-esteem when you feel you are doing the right thing.

Here are 7 simple tips that can help you to get started with that.

1. Just be there for someone.

Listen and lend the optimistic and grounded perspective to someone in your life in need of it.

At first I find it best to just the let other person vent, to let him or her get issue at hand out into the light. So I am just there fully and listening.

Oftentimes this might be enough. Because just being there will help him or her to let the emotional tension out and to analyze the issue and to find a solution or to let it go.

If she or he gets stuck in negative thinking or in making a mountain out of a molehill then it can be helpful to add your own perspective to ground him or her and to help shift perspective on the situation.

To make him or her see that if you zoom out then things aren’t that bad really. And together the two of you might be able to find a solution or a first step that he or she can put into action.

2. Play positive music.

Uplifting music is of course a great way to boost your own mood and open up new perspectives again.

You can do the same for people around you. Put on a really positive song when you are hanging out. Or send them an uplifting playlist for Spotify or a similar program.

3. Take 30-60 seconds to give a genuine compliment.

Think about one thing that makes the other person tick. A small or bigger passion. Or something good that people too often take for granted about him or her.

And then give a compliment about that. It often means more than you might guess.

4. Smile.

A smile puts you and the people around you into a better and more relaxed headspace.

It works even when you don’t feel that much like smiling. If you like, do a brief experiment. Force a smile for 30 seconds or a minute if you are feeling a bit negative and see what happens to your mood.

5. Help someone to wind down.

Being busy with work or school can over time add a lot of tension and stress. And that can certainly get in the way of optimistic and constructive thinking.

So help someone in your life to wind down. Suggest going for a picnic. Just laugh and perhaps go for swim in the nearby lake or ocean. Then lie together in silence on the blanket and watch the clouds go by for a while.

A break like this can do wonders for the mood and perspective for the both of you.

6. Hug.

A hug is, perhaps often even more than a smile, something that can make someone feel a little better and a bit safer again. Use it when appropriate of course.

But don’t underestimate the effect of it and how that little nudge can turn someone’s thoughts around towards something brighter and more positive again.

7. Pay it forward.

If someone in your life adds a bit of optimism to your life then don’t just return it somewhere down the line. Pay it forward to someone else too.

And together build a growing upward spiral of optimism, encouragement and kindness.

Source