Change the Way You Speak to Yourself and Increase Your Chances of Success

A lot of people I speak to really want to break away from the normal 9 to 5 and to be fair most of them take the first tentative steps towards making this life changing move, they may have thought of a great way to make money or brought a book on how to start your own business or attend a seminar by someone who has done just what they would like to do, they may have even paid for a course that takes them step by step through the process of setting up a great money making system.

I know when I decided that I wanted to break away from the rat race I did all of the above and much more, spending thousands of pounds in the process BUT like most people, I never really got beyond those first few steps, in fact it was over TEN YEARS before I actually did grab the bull by the horns and put something into action. The amazing thing was after all that time it was one of the first ways to make money I learned of that I acted on and I have never looked back since.

So why do we do this? Why don't we take action if we want something as bad as we say we do? Why do we sit and procrastinate instead of doing something about it?

Well we usually come up with a number of excuses:

I'm not intelligent enough.

I didn't have a good education/get good grades/go to college. etc.

I haven't got the time.

I can't afford to do it.

I am too old/young.

I've never done anything like this before.

Or we put things off...

I will start Friday/next weekend/next month/when I have that week off work. etc.

I also know from experience one of the main reasons is fear!

Fear of failure!

Fear of change!

Fear of the unknown!

Fear of what other people will think of us!

The list goes on but generally comes back to that one irrational emotion;

False Evidence Appearing Real

The good news is we CAN do something about it, The bad news is its going to take a little bit of effort to address the problem. But don't worry its nothing complicated and its something that everyone can do.

What we have to do is change our mindset and to do this the first thing we need to do is change the way we speak to ourselves and this is what I'm going to be concentrating on today.

From very early on in life we talk to ourselves and what we say and how we say it has a big influence on how we react to the situations we find ourselves in as an adult. Over time we ( or the people around us/society in general ) brainwash ourselves with all kinds of limiting thoughts and notions of what we should do and what should make us happy.

So after a while all this self talk and outside influence helps to program our subconscious mind into accepting that we should be happy with what we do and what we have. After all you have a job/food on the table/ a roof over your head/ a car etc. so you should be satisfied with your lot right?

But is this really YOUR definition of happiness? Are you really satisfied with your lot?

I'm guessing that as you are reading this the answer is a resounding NO!

Well then it's time to admit to yourself that you are unhappy with where you are at this moment and that you are no longer going to accept life as it is. It's time to make your life what it can be and more to the point what it should be.

According to psychologists how we view life and more importantly how we view ourselves is largely set in stone by the time we are six years old. Just think about that for a while, everything we do in life, every decision we make, how we talk to ourselves and what we expect to achieve for ourselves is largely influenced by what kind of life we lived and what kind of experiences we had in those first few years!

Kind of scary eh?

So what does this mean?

In short it means that most of us talk to ourselves in a negative and unhelpful manner and this in turn restricts what we do or achieve with our lives.

Throughout the day we are talking to ourselves constantly either out loud or in our heads. Some of this self-talk is good - your dreams, your wants, your desires, your family, your friends, the little things that make you smile to yourself.

BUT some of it is negative and this stems from those experiences we were talking of earlier, those limiting influences that have got you nowhere. This kind of self-talk is what holds you back, it restricts you, brings you down and stops you from doing the things in life that you dream about.

This kind of self-talk is destructive and needs to be avoided at ALL costs. You must be aware of everything you are saying to yourself, whether it be out loud or in your head and when you find you are speaking to yourself in a negative way STOP!

Listen out for the positive things you say and concentrate on these instead, this is the kind of self-talk you have to nurture and as you do the negative self-talk will die back.

Once you allow the positive self-talk to flourish you will find great things start to happen with you as a person, to the way other people see and treat you and with your life in general.

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FIND YOUR FREEDOM

“The unhappiest people in this world, are those who care the most about what other people think.” ― C. JoyBell C.

“If you don’t go to university you’re a loser!”

These words rang in my ears through high school. No, it wasn’t my supportive parents chirping these words, it was the teachers and principal at my private school in the 90’s.

Constantly hearing these words was like hiding one of the answers in a multiple choice question – it was limiting and made me think my future options were only the ones they were feeding me. I imagine the test would look something like this:

What do you want to do after high school?

a) Go to university (p.s. Great choice, you’re an instant success!)

b) Go to a private college (p.s. Are you sure? You’ll possibly become a loser)

c) Get a job (p.s. Are you ready for your loser tattoo yet?)

d) Explore the world before deciding what you want to do with your life (p.s. If you’re reading this you’re delusional because it isn’t an option on this test. Be warned – traveling, or taking time out, and not studying after school is a formula for dismal failure).

OK, back to reality…

As an obedient girl who disliked conflict, I did the obvious and enrolled in university after graduation. Having no clear idea what I wanted to do or contribute to the world wasn’t a consideration. You see, my high school teachers said that, if I didn’t know what to study at university, I should enroll in an Arts Degree, as that would help me find myself, my true passion.

Yeah right, the plan didn’t work. I lasted 2 weeks, 2 long, soul-destroying weeks.

“I hate this with a passion. How can I get out of it?” is what I used to think every day. Not having the guts to quit, I created my own private prison and was prepared to give up just about anything in return for the exit key.

As fate would have it, the key fell into my lap. At the end of my 2nd week of study, I fell ill with a mysterious, debilitating condition. This was bittersweet; it completely removed me from my work and social life, but it also gave me a viable reason to leave university without being labeled a ‘loser’ for quitting.

I unenrolled as quick as I possibly could.

I felt so free. Despite having no money coming in and being unable to visit friends, my sense of relief and freedom was immense. I wallowed in this state, trying to find a pill to fix my body, for more than a year.

After visiting countless doctors and natural therapists, I was beginning to feel better. Still slow and with a strong memory of hating uni, I allowed myself to realize that I had developed a strong interest in natural medicine. Tentatively, I explored my options and eventually enrolled in a private college to study naturopathy.

Remember, according to my school teachers this meant that I could never be highly successful in life, only mediocre at best.

Whatever.

I didn’t care. I’d had enough of listening to the opinions of teachers, principals and other so-called successful authority figures. My future was my business and I decided it was time to re-enter the world and focus on something that genuinely interested me.

It took me 5 ½ years to finish my naturopathic course. Most people do it in 3 or 4, but my health slowed the process significantly.

You know, I was actually pleased it took so long because it gave me time to discover what was genuinely important to me. Becoming a health practitioner is a big responsibility and I felt that taking the extra time was important (I was only in my early 20’s).

Fast-forward 10 years and I was loving my career. Educating others and helping them take responsibility for their health fed me on a deep level.

But then, an old feeling returned…

I realized I was unhappy. My old mantra of “I hate this. How can I get out of it?” was back. I guess it was listening to sad stories of struggle day in, day out that got me down.

Despite my proven ability to treat clients, I had developed intense anxiety that mainly reared its ugly head just before my appointments. I’d even try to barter with my colleague, asking her to see my clients in exchange for me doing some of her duties.

After 12 months of anxiety and bartering, I knew I had to make a change; but, I was still resisting making the final leap, just like I did with university.

What happened next?

Fate stepped in (again) and gave me my out. One night, I fractured my heel and tore ligaments from my toe through to my ankle. It was pretty bad and the pain was intense.

However… this was my exit key.

I happily called work for the next week telling them I couldn’t walk and was unable to come in. At this stage, I was so content not going to work that I hadn’t even considered going to the doctor to see what was wrong, nor had I got crutches to help me move.

Yes, I was hopping on 1 leg around my house (up and down stairs) for a week before I decided to do any investigations.

After I got the results, I milked it with work for another week. During this time away, I realized how plausible it was to leave – to quit the career I had worked so hard to create. I realized the feeling of leaving, with no job to go to and an impaired ability to walk, was far more enticing than the prospect of earning a steady income and dreading seeing clients.

The day I quit that job – and career – was just as freeing as unenrolling from university. Oh, it felt sooooooooo good!

But, reality set in just a few days later.

Having no income, no job prospects and little ability to walk had left me with no option but to make a change. After 9 months, my foot totally recovered and I was ready to make my move.

So, where am I now?

Much to the dismay of my high school teachers, I have a highly successful career that requires no university degree. It’s a creative job that demands passion, innovation and an ability to think on the run.

My husband and I run a film production house and we’re happier – and healthier – than ever before. Around the same time, we both made the decision to change our careers (he was a factory worker), and now, after years of learning, training and on the job experience, we run a successful business and work with organizations around the world.

This truly is what freedom feels like.

So, what have I learned?

Well, it’s obvious to me that life can be amazing even if you don’t have a university qualification. What’s most important is that you listen to the little voice inside that’s telling you on a daily basis if you’re moving towards, or from, something that makes you happy. If you use this as your barometer for success, not the words of you high school teachers, you’re on the path to true health, happiness, and satisfaction.

What’s your little voice saying?

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