What Are the Basic Principles of Self-Esteem?

How to catch the negative critic in you: 

People are often the hardest on themselves most of the time. Every time a negative or temporary life altering event on the outside happens, you begin to think about yourself as a loser and everyone else as a great life, stop that thought right there and catch it. Failures will cease to make you feel bad about yourself when you realize that they are only opportunities and not mighty hardships that God is trying to throw on you. Often, when something doesn't turn out the way you plan another opportunity comes to pass. We find it difficult to focus on what other opportunity could possibly be better and only focus on what did not happen.

Stop comparing yourself to others: Though it's been said a million times already, it still holds true that every single individual on this planet is unique in their way. What matters is not whether you are as good as the rest of the woman, but whether you are good at being you and showing your own gifts and talents with others. People have different lives and circumstances and have their successes and failures. You may think someone else has a better life because they have more money than you or a better husband or better friends, family or job. What you don't always know, is the skeletons in their closet that we all have.

Respect yourself first: Love yourself more: Because if you don't respect yourself, then how can you expect others to respect you? Accept yourself, however you are at this moment, and that means physically and mentally. Physically, some of us are more endowed with good looks than others. Some of us have sharper minds than our peers, and that's perfectly fine. Whoever you are and however you are, there will always be something in you that absolutely nobody else will have.

You have to allow for someone to make you feel bad: If somebody were to throw mud at you, would you just stand there and let it hit your head, hair or clothes or would you simply move aside and let it pass by you? The choice is yours. You cannot stop people from throwing stones and telling you all that they do, but you can choose to accept it and make you feel bad or not accept it. Be very choosy and picky when it comes to taking advice from just anyone. Ask yourself if it makes sense and is it helping you or is it being given by alternative motives. If it's not helping you, then discard it. Associate with genuine, real positive people who will help you and feel good about yourself as a woman.

Keeping a journal. I don't want to hear how you don't have time. With technology today you can write notes in your phone which is probably by your side most of the day. Write something good about yourself every day. Whenever you feel down and low in self-esteem, open up your journal to encourage yourself once again.

Do unto others: Do one good thing to someone or something every day without expecting anything in return. It could be anything, from feeding a stray dog, giving a complement to helping the elderly. When you can help someone else in their suffering or pain especially if it's a pain or situation you have been through you're actually healing yourself as well in return without realizing it.

Express your talents: Pick a hobby you are good at and become even better at it. Pride in something that you do helps to create a positive self-esteem Examples of hobbies can be gardening, writing blogging, embroidering, sewing or even wood refurnishing. It is hard to be down on yourself when you have created something physical and can look at it with pride and say to yourself "Look at what I have created".

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Stop Trying To Avoid Failure

We hear the word and cringe at the thought of it. From the time we were kids, we've been exposed to the many aspects and importance of winning. And as we mature, our ambitions continue to grow from our visions of success and accomplishment.

Envisioning a victorious outcome will often provide the strength to move forward, even when it seems as though you're pushing a boulder uphill.

But what of failure? What happens to your outlook when you think, even for a moment, that you might not succeed? You probably feel just about the same as everyone else would; defeated, sad, worried, or even stressed perhaps. And when these feelings begin to swirl around on the inside, the ripple effects begin to take hold of your performance, and create something often referred to as "paralysis by analysis".

It's as if the act of failure, has become synonymous with being a failure. And this couldn't be further from the truth.

The next time you feel the nerves beginning to kick in, all from the thoughts that you might not succeed; (whether they be of the project you're about to undertake, the company you're about to start, or even the wedding vows your about to make), take a moment to reflect on this:

When a baby starts learning to walk, what happens? Do they just stand straight up and start strolling around the living room, like they've been doing it for years? Of course not. They take a step or two, then fall down. They get back up, take a step or two, then fall down. Each time they fall down, that particular moment was a failed attempt at walking. But does this make that baby a failure? Of course not!

With each fall, the baby's muscle memory gets better and better. And as they continue to try, over and over again, they learn how to stabilize the entire body, so that the falling down becomes less and less... until finally, voila! They're walking like a pro.

There's not a parent in existence who would watch their child learning to walk, and think to themselves, "this kid is a total failure". On the contrary, with each step and stumble, that proud Mom or Dad is thinking, "You've got this! C'mon, one more step!"... all the while, cheering them on.

So why in the world would we as mature adults, consider our steps and stumbles in life to be any different?

If you're overly concerned that you're going to fail at something, it's because you're equating it to actually being a failure. This is nothing more than a mindset; one that can be corrected at a moment's notice.

As you read this, consider that project you've been hesitant to start; that promotion you've been wanting, but were afraid you might fail at; or even the commitment you're hesitant to make, because you might let someone down.

Now, being completely realistic with yourself, envision the steps and stumbles you're going to make, as your "muscle memory" gets better and better. Failures are not only normal, but completely necessary, in order for you to learn how to stabilize on your road to success.

So remember; failure cannot be avoided, nor should it be. Failures are nothing more than brief moments in life that teach us how to accomplish what we've set out to do.

Today, while you're traveling the road to success, embrace the unexpected failures along the way. They're really nothing more than turn-by-turn directions, that will get you to where you want to go.

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How to Stop Isolating Yourself From Other People

For the first fifteen years of my life, I had no problems in my social life.

I was never very outgoing, but I always had friends around and felt confident in my social group. I never felt alone or incapable of interacting with others. I took my social prowess for granted; I didn’t know it was possible to lose the ease with which I connected with others.

Unfortunately, things took a very unexpected turn a few months ago. I lost two friendships in my life and took the blow very hard. As a result of feeling friendless due to unfortunate circumstances, I took the blame onto myself and started to see myself as an unlovable, unworthy person who didn’t have friends through a fault of my own.

Soon after losing my friends, I started avoiding social interaction altogether. I sat alone at lunch with my computer, pretending to do homework to avoid having to find a new group of kids to sit with. I no longer looked for social opportunities, but still felt surprised when I wasn’t invited to hang out with people, which only exacerbated the problem.

More and more, I started losing motivation and enjoyment in things related to my social and academic life. In short, I became depressed, and effectively isolated myself from everyone around me.

How to Stop Isolating Yourself From Other People

Isolation is a vicious cycle: we isolate ourselves because we don’t want to be hurt by others who might find us unlovable, but we are hurt even more when we find ourselves alone.

Shutting people out isn’t only a mental decision; our actions, body language, and tone of voice reflect our attitude to others. We are left alone, to our constant relief and sorrow: we aren’t being hurt, but we aren’t being loved or accepted either.

We soon learn that being alone is worse than interacting with others, even when there is a risk of being hurt or abandoned.

As social animals, we can’t live our lives in shadow, hiding from interaction.Loneliness is unsustainable and destructive. I learned this after about a month of isolating myself.

Recognizing that isolation is unhealthy is important, but it certainly doesn’t win the battle against depression on its own. The real struggle in fighting depression and isolation is figuring out how to combat it.

This, of course, is easier said than done- once you’ve isolated yourself, you’ve dug a hole, and getting back out is much harder than getting into it.

Here are a few ways in which I overcame my tendency to push others away, and how you too can stop isolating yourself from other people.


1. Identify the root cause of your isolation and determine why you view yourself as unworthy/incapable of interaction.
What is it about being social that scares you?

Did you lose a friend or get in a traumatic argument that made you believe you will only be hurt or abandoned if you get close to people? Consider the thoughts that run through your head as you interact with someone.


Do you tell yourself that you are unlovable? Do you feel that you will bore, upset, or annoy the other person? Do you convince yourself that you will be hurt or abandoned because you always are or now deserve it?

When I pushed others away, it was because I constantly told myself that no one would like me.

I was convinced that I would be abandoned by anyone I tried to talk to because no one would want to hold a conversation with me. It was frankly ridiculous; in the past, I had been well-liked and approached for advice and light conversation by many people.

It took a long time, but I finally gained the awareness of these thought patterns and was able to shut them down. I addressed each thought and learned to dismiss them as they entered my head as false.

This is not a change that can happen overnight, but simply becoming aware of each thought can make the difference between healing and a further spiral into depression.

2. Try to reconnect with an old friend or someone you haven’t spoken to since before you began to shut others out.

Once you identify the cause of your isolation and address it, you can reconnect with people again.

I’m a rather reserved person by nature, and meeting new people is a stressful activity for me.

I wanted to talk to people who weren’t aware of my depressed attitude during my depression, but forming entirely new friendships was out of the question in my emotional state.

Instead, I approached people who I’d talked to often in the past, and didn’t feel stressed saying hello to.

At the same time, these people were close to me long enough ago that they weren’t aware of my emotional state and didn’t try to leave me alone because I’d given them signals.

As a high school-er, I picked a few kids from my classes the previous year. You can pick old coworkers, neighbors, or even college friends to reconnect with. Even if the process is digital, it’s a great first step in learning how to reopen yourself to relationships and interactions in a safe, non-stressful environment.

It may even be better if the person you choose lives far away- you don’t have to worry about being quiet or unapproachable, because if you are, you don’t have to see that person on a daily basis.


3. Talk to a trusted person about your isolation.

This step was extremely difficult for me, because I thought of my depression as shameful and a place of weakness. I thought that being honest about my problem was the surest way for me to be abandoned.

Eventually my one remaining friend confronted me about my sadness and antisocial behavior, and I told her how I had been feeling. I explained how losing my other friends had affected me and how I began thinking poorly of myself.

I told her that I knew it was stupid and ridiculous, but it was hard to change the way I perceived interactions and myself.

My friend was gentle with me, but told me that I really was delusional and my belief that I was unlovable was completely a figment of my imagination. Hearing this from someone close to me was perhaps the most powerful thing in helping me heal.

Find someone you trust and feel close to and let them know how you’re feeling.

If they truly do care about you (and someone does, I promise!) they will tell you that you are wrong about yourself. It’s important to tell yourself that you’re being ridiculous, but hearing it from someone else can have a much greater and more healing effect.

After all, if another person is convincing you that you are worthy of their attention, they must be telling the truth to be talking to you at all.

Once again, learning to reconnect with people after depression and antisocial behavior isn’t easy. It takes time, tears, and a lot of self-reflection. The process may seem tedious, but there is no short cut to healing for any illness, especially mental ones.

Keep your head up, trust yourself to have positive relationships, and remember: if you are human, you deserve love.

This is a fact. Things will get better before you know it.

Are you trying to stop isolating yourself from others? Has this article helped you?

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Why Taking A Day Off Can Transform Your Life

Entrepreneurs are passionate, driven, and hardworking folks. We love to grind. We love to go hard. “I’m building my future”, is what we all say. No more 9-5!

The problem with this attitude is that it can lead to burn out – that state where youKNOW you should be doing something productive, but you physically and/or mentally can’t.

All you can do is sleep, watch YouTube or Netflix, and deal with the guilt and shame that comes with that. You can hardly get out of bed. It’s even hard to go to social things with friends because you are so zapped of energy.

The stress behind this will kill you. Seriously.

So you keep promising yourself things will be different. “I’ll take it easier next week! I’ll take some time to myself!”, but you know it’s probably not going to happen.

You over-complicate things unnecessarily stressing yourself out even more. So, you hope the burn out guilt and shame kicks you in the ass tomorrow to get going for being so unproductive today.

But for now, you just feel like you’re wasting time as you mope and watch The Walking Dead.


I’m going to discuss why taking a day off every week has helped me and many other workaholics, counter-intuitively, do better work. Here’s what I’ll be going through:
I’ll start by talking about you shouldn’t work continuously everyday and where this all comes from.
What’s the idea behind taking a day off per week.
I’ll get into some science and the psychology behind it all (decision fatigue and ego depletion), as to how all humans were built for cycles of energy and productively, and how you CANNOT work continuously.
I’ll wrap it up connecting the ideas with the science so you have proof that not only should you take time off, but YOU NEED TO.

By the end of reading this you should be convinced (even if your mind says you should be working CONSTANTLY on your business) that time off and a day off are both necessary.


Who Else Feels Like They Should Be Working 13-16 Hour Days?

Many entrepreneur gurus and acolytes promote the working 13 hours a day getting a business started thing, especially in the early years. Personally coming from an engineering background in University, I know I can do this. My life was spent going from class to class, then burning oil on my homework.

But you know what? I missed out on eons of socializing, connecting with people, and growth.

I get the whole work hard now, enjoy the fruits later thing… But I don’t see the reason why we can’t have a balance. After all, a human can only output 6 hours of productive work a day. The rest will be sub-par, or downright crappy.

Would you like to make decisions with a brain that’s tired, that could potentially cost you thousands?


Amount of hours working per day is an easily quantifiable metric.


Quality of work is not. Doing the right things to really push your business forward is not.

I’m not saying that this is an excuse to slack off and do one hour of work per day or that you shouldn’t work hard, but there needs to be a balance with friends, hobbies, and so on. These things re-charge you so that you can do BETTER work.

We were not made to run at full on productivity all day, everyday. We need re-charge cycles. This applies to at the end of the work day (not doing work at night and going to the gym), during the work day (only working in 1.5 hour spurts with breaks in between), and all throughout your life (vacations).

For a step-by-step breakdown of turning this into an entire productivity system and organising your day to get the most done, check this out.

Sure, there are certain times you’re going to grind. You’re going to have to. For my new book, Mastery Of The Mind, I grinded out 13 hour days for a week and it was worth it because it sold far past my expectations and became a #1 bestseller… but then I took a few days off and went back to a normal work schedule.

It’s better to work at your maximum productivity level, stop, re-charge, and then begin over again, compared to burning oil and doing crappy work.

So how can we apply this to output better work week after week?



How To Feel Better And Re-vitalised For Work – Take A Day Off

While the energy cycle idea applies everyday – work to a certain point, then relax: be with friends, go to the gym, play a musical instrument, read, sleep, etc… It also applies to your entire week.

People SEVERELY under-estimate how much a day completely off from work can do for them. If your muscles need days off from the gym to grow and strengthen, why the hell shouldn’t your brain be any different? It needs dead time as well.

Back a few years ago during my stressful Master’s degree, a good friend of mine recommended I do this.

Initially, I resisted. But now while being busier than ever (working on two businesses of my own along with a full-time job working with for else’s business, gym, socialising, cooking, errands, having to deal with some family issues, trying to stay healthy emotionally, etc.etc.)… I refuse to give up this day off. I’d rather get less “stuff” done.

For one day (your choosing), you have a completely blank day.

There are no responsibilities. No set plans. You sleep in. No work. No e-mail.

Just laziness, relaxation, and fun.

Think I’m pulling your leg? Check this out. Here’s my current schedule as it is (yeah I’m a bit OCD with it but it really helps me XD):

You can see I’ve got writing, work for my blog, a company I work for, the gym all there, but Saturday… there’s nothing. Even when I look at that I just breath a sign of relief because I know I grind on all these great things during the weekdays but on Saturday… That’s time to do whatever I want.

Alright so this all SOUNDS good and you think taking a day off is great, but again, you keep telling yourself you should and it doesn’t happen and the shame/work cycle continues.

Let’s get into the science and psychology that will help convince you to take a day off:


Why You Make Bad Decisions – The Science Of Decision Fatigue And Ego Depletion

This has been an obsession of mine as of late, along with looking into outsourcing (I need to get on those virtual assistants!).

We’ve all felt it… At the end of the day we want to stick to our diet but we’re tired and we can’t fight our brain. We crack a beer and pig out on pizza and ice cream. “I deserve it”, you say. True, you might. But why couldn’t you hold back?

Decision fatigue, or ego depletion, refers to the phenomenon of how we only have so many “points” of making good decisions everyday. This is why many successful people advocate setting up habits, because then you don’t need to make decisions at all… The habits are nearly automatic for good but simple tasks (e.g., you usually don’t have to decide whether you brush your teeth or not).

The thinking is that for the really important decisions during the day where you need your “points”, such as in business mergers, software to use, choosing employees to hire and so on…

If you’ve used up your energy on way less meaningful decisions like what to eat for breakfast and because of that you get lazy and make rash decisions based on whom to hire… yeah, you’re going to run into issues.

It doesn’t matter the type of decision (what type of toothpaste to buy in the store vs. whether to accept a business proposition or not), it’s making decisions in general. Decision fatigue does not discriminate.

It’s also why many people have set rules for making decisions to make their lives easier and less stressful. For example, Tim Ferriss discusses in an article on simplifying life and decisions some things he does to make things easier. He suggests you:
Eat the same thing for breakfast everyday.
Limit your options in any one decision to 3-4 choices (e.g. at restaurants, for new hires, and so on). More options doesn’t mean you make a better decision. In fact according to Dan Ariely in Predictably Irrational, the more options we have, the more difficult it is to make a decision, and the less satisfied we are (because we always wonder “what if” about the options we didn’t choose).
Consider if a decision will only result in a potential loss of $100 (or whatever monetary amount you choose), you should let an assistant make the call.


How Can A Day Off Help Me Make Better Decisions?

You can read more about how decision fatigue works and you might be thinking “OK, this is interesting, but what’s the point? What does it have to do with taking a day off?”

Well after a long week of hard, regimented work, hopefully where you HAVE been taking breaks when you are done for the day… you’re still going to feel exhausted.

Having a set, strategic day where you can do whatever you want gives your body a HUGE re-set and lowers your stress. You’re giving yourself permission to not be productive, not follow through on any habits, and not do work for an entire day. Basically, here, you should give in to hedonism and be a kid and do whatever you want.

Follow the 80-20 rule: If 6 out of 7 days (86%) a week you are doing work and working towards your goals, don’t worry about one day off.

By giving yourself a day where you don’t need to do anything, you are strategically fighting decision fatigue for the next week and after a day off, you will feel re-charged and can get back to crushing it.

An example of where a strategic “day off” produces better results: diets. Wonder why some diets don’t work or people have a hard time sticking to them, yet something like Ferriss’ slow carb diet seems very successful?

One main reason is Ferriss’ inclusion of a strategic cheat day where people can eat whatever they want – Not only does their willpower get re-charged, but I can tell you from having a day where you eat pizza and ice cream… you get pretty amped to just get back to healthy eating (and swear you won’t eat crappy food… until the week ends again and the cycle repeats *sigh*).


4 Other Reasons Why Taking A Day Off Can Help You

It injects play and fun into your life for a whole day, which gives you inspiration to work harder.
It allows you to catch up on lost sleep (slept debt).
It allows you to catch up with friends, socialize, etc., which entrepreneurs typically neglect.
The time off actually allows your mind to subconsciously work on new ideas you wouldn’t get if you constantly churned and burned with no breaks.


“I Don’t Feel Like I Can Stop”

Stop making excuses. I’m a workaholic and I do it too, all entrepreneurs do. I know how hard it is, but trust me, you will feel better because of it. If you don’t feel like you can take an entire day off, just try taking half a day and see how you feel and continuously bump it up.

As Tim Ferriss says, work will always be there tomorrow, but your life is passing you by. It’s up to you to prioritize what’s important, because work expands to fill the available time you give it.

Don’t just work, that’s not what makes life – Working on your passion will make you happy for sure, but so will relationships, trips, exploring new places, and travelling – even if it’s just an hour away.

Rules: No work. Go have fun. Play. Get outside. Spend time doing something you love. No e-mail. Cutting off tech completely can be a good idea (unless you are trying to arrange when to meet up with friends).

Laugh. Nap. No responsibilities. Make “bad” (i.e. non-productive) choices. Eat chocolate cake and ice cream. Drink some good wine.

Your body, mind, and work will thank you when you get that next project done feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, and inspired.

Good luck, enjoy your life, and I’ll see you when I get out of bed at… I dunno, maybe 2PM?


Further reading:
Most links go back to Tim Ferriss’ site. Tim has written extensively on escaping technology and work to enjoy life, and I’ve found that he is one of the best resources on the topic.

• How 1 Day Off Can Help Your Career at The Muse – Dr. Matthew Sleeth worked constantly in emergency medicine with little breaks. Learn about his book (advocating the 24/6 work week) and how he and many others started taking a full day off, feeling renewed enthusiasm for work. If you take one day off and live to 70, that means you’ve spent roughly 10 years relaxing, having fun, and being with family.

• Preventing Burnout: A Cautionary Tale at The Four Hour Work Week Blog – Charlie Hoehn, who used to be Tim Ferriss’ assistant and go-to helper for publishing The Four Hour Body, talks about his reliance on work to be thought of as “good”. Also: how he burnt out many times with associated panic attacks, uncontrollable shaking, crying, and feeling like he was about to die.

• How to Cure Anxiety – One Workaholic’s Story, Six Techniques That Work at The Four Hour Work Week Blog – Charlie talks about 6 simple things he started doing that helped alleviate his stress and anxiety. No, they weren’t meditation, yoga, or therapy (though he tried all of them). Almost everything was FREE or if not, extremely cheap.

• The Choice-Minimal Lifestyle: 6 Formulas for More Output and Less Overwhelm at The Four Hour Work Week Blog – Tim’s article on the 6 rules/guidelines he uses for decision making and greatly reducing his stress, so he can save his energy for the more important things.

• Understanding the Dangers of “Ego-Depletion” at The Four Hour Work Week Blog – Dan Ariely, Professor of psychology and behavioral economics at Duke University, talks all about knowing ego depletion and what it can do to you. Also: some experiments that have been done to examine decision making. Surprisingly, using brain power to make a silly decision before another more important decision makes it easier for us to give in to the bad option in the important decision.

• How to be More Productive by Not Being Productive at Crew – I re-read this article every few weeks. It talks about how the best people (e.g. star athletes and musicians) only output 4.5 hours of work a day, and how humans can do a maximum of 6 hours of productive work in one day (think about THAT when you’re trying to burn for 10-12 hours).



Also a reminder – why are you trying to be productive? What’s the real reason behind getting things done faster? Is it so you can do more work, or so that you can go live your life?

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7 Valuable Lessons to Learn While Escaping Your Comfort Zone

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. So if you’re feeling uncomfortable right now, know that the change taking place in your life is the beginning, not the ending.”– Neale Donald Walsch

The comfort zone; one place which destroys all your potential and belief to live an extraordinary life. Living outside of your comfort zone means mental and psychological growth, which we all need to live a happy life and enjoy it to the fullest.


7 Valuable Lessons to Learn While Escaping Your Comfort Zone

I have written this article to motivate you and to encourage you, to give you enough reasons why stepping out of your comfort zone may be the best decision you can make for yourself and your future.

Here are 7 valuable lessons which teach you what life is truly about:


1. You Will Push Your Limits

We all have certain limits in what we can or can’t do. Stepping out of your comfort zone will push those limits and make bigger space for you to expand. What you thought is impossible a few months ago is now part of your daily life. Isn’t it crazy?

Stop for a second right now and think of the one moment when you got out of your way and acted in spite of fear. Think about it and ask yourself, “If I was able to do it back then, why not try it again?”


2. You Will Expand Your Potential

Have you ever thought how much potential and energy you have within you? The amount is enormous. Why don’t you use it? Why not take a chance and see what happens?

People don’t become successful because of the money or the right influences. Individuals who made it to the top knew that comfort zone is a broke zone. They also knew that using their potential is the fuel behind extraordinary results.

Once you start expanding your potential, it will become a habit, a source of euphoria you experience and enjoy it at the same time.


3. You’ll Gain Undeniable Courage

To gain muscles, you need to train them on a constant basis right? The same happens with courage. Only by overcoming a fear of the unknown and going beyond your comfort zone, you will become braver than ever before.


We don’t become courageous by watching House of Cards in our favorite sweatpants in the comfort of our home.

Courage comes in a moment when we decide to fight for what we want no matter the situation or feeling. Feeling will pass, but what we create or become will last much longer.


4. You’ll Become Confident In Yourself

The World outside of your comfort zone may seem scary. We don’t know what is out there, whether pleasant moments or difficulties. But this unknown environment is exactly what build us up, makes us stronger and braver for the future.

Overcoming what we fear builds confidence and healthy self-esteem, which is an essential part of every success in life.

Try to recall the last time you acted in a courageous way and think of the feeling after you have succeeded.

How did you feel about yourself? How did you see yourself when you looked in the mirror? You felt proud; you felt satisfied, and this is exactly the kind of reward you gain by going the extra mile.


5. You’ll Become Stronger & Unstoppable

Living outside of your comfort zone will teach you many lessons.

By getting hit by unpleasant moments and circumstances, you will become stronger every time situation happens, and you overcome it.

This strength will build up your character and shape you as an individual with a powerful mindset, ready to face any challenge along the way.

As you will grow and see the difference you can make in your life and how the power of mind really works, you will become unstoppable in reaching what you desire the most.


6. It Will Excite You to Share It With Others

Once you’ve expanded your mindset and see what is beyond your comfort zone, you will realize that many people are stuck. People don’t believe in themselves, and that’s why they are trying to avoid any opportunity for growth or change.

Not everyone will welcome your advice to follow your path or to try it out. That’s fine.

But there are going to be those individuals who feel as excited as you. I believe it is your and my responsibility to share with others that beyond our limits is a much better world which is worth every single struggle and sacrifice.
7. You’ll Gain Encouragement & Belief to Create Life on Your Terms

By expanding your potential, gaining confidence in yourself and having a clear picture of what is out there, you will feel encouraged and alive.

It will bring you a sense of determination to create a life based on your biggest dreams and desires, the one you want, not your boss or teacher or parents.

Once you practice living life outside of your comfort zone, you will strengthen your belief in yourself and a better life. You’ll get the opportunity to discover a whole new level of possibilities which you had no idea exist.


Conclusion

Eliminate the ceiling above your head.

Get rid of this illusion you have created in your mind where you subconsciously sabotage yourself from growth. Real deal begins when you are willing to feel as uncomfortable as possible.

Fear doesn’t exist; it is a product of your thoughts, and you are the only person who has the power to destroy it.

Once you overcome this fear of the unknown, I guarantee you that you will not want to come back to your ordinary life.

Once you taste the power of your mind, once you grow and see what you are truly capable of, you will begin the most amazing, courageous and insane adventure of creating an extraordinary life.

Are you struggling to move out of your comfort zone? Leave a comment below.

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How to Discover Leadership Qualities Within Yourself

You’re an introvert.

You don’t have a boisterous personality. You’ve never seen an actual popularity contest, but you are certain if you were in one, that you wouldn’t win. Clearly, you aren’t cut out to be a leader.

Are you?

That depends. If one were to believe the depiction of leaders that exists in movies, television, books, and the classroom, the answer to that question might be yes.

After all, based on the typical portrayal of a leader, aren’t the brash, outgoing, forceful, outspoken, and charismatic? How can a person without these characteristics be an effective leader?
How to Discover Leadership Qualities Within Yourself

Here’s the truth. You can be a great leader without possessing the nature or personality traits of the stereotypical leader that has been presented to you. You have innate leadership qualities.

You just have to figure out what they are, and how you can use them.

Try to answer the following questions, and you might discover these qualities within yourself.

1. Are you willing to come in early and stay late?

You may have received messaging that tells you that good leaders get people to perform by having a commanding presence.

This isn’t true.

Successful leaders earn the respect of their teams when they lead by example. This means demonstrating the willingness to put in the same work that your team puts in.

If you are willing to put in the same long hours that your team must work, you’ve already established some leadership abilities.


2. Will you step in when a team member needs help?

Shouldn’t true leaders model adherence to firm expectations?


Shouldn’t they demand that team members overcome their own struggles and contribute effectively?

Doesn’t that help equal enabling?

You might think that your desire to help people around you is a weakness. It is not. When you help somebody, you aren’t modelling being taken advantage of.

You aren’t modelling permitting irresponsibility.

“AS A LEADER, YOUR ABILITY TO RECOGNISE AND STEP IN TO HELP SOMEBODY IS PRICELESS.”

By doing so, you are communicating the message that each member of the team that is important, and that it is okay to model teamwork and cooperation.


3. Is it important for you that every member of a team is valued?

Good leaders are task oriented.

Great leaders are also task oriented but they balance that with true concern for the development and well being over everybody on their team.

If you have a natural tendency to try and help your team find their talents and discover how and where they can contribute, that is a great sign that that you have the ability to lead your team and boost morale.


4. Will you stand up for an idea you believe in or advocate for a coworker?

Sometimes, the best thing that a leader can offer is quiet yet sincere advocacy both for the ideas that they believe in, or for the people on their teams.

If you have the ability and the willingness to do this, you are already well on your way to becoming a leader.

If people know that you are willing to stand up for them and protect their interests, they will be more willing to follow your lead and believe in your leadership abilities.


5. Would you rather seek consensus than victory?

It is a common misconception that a great leader is always seeking victory when it comes to disagreements and confrontations.

This is untrue.

“GOOD LEADERS RECOGNISE THAT WINNING BATTLES OFTEN RESULTS IN HURT FEELINGS AND RESENTMENTS.”

These things can have a negative impact on morale and future interactions with the parties who ended up on the losing side of the confrontation.

If your natural instinct is to find common ground and work towards solutions that benefit everybody, and that make everybody feel good about the resolution, you have one of the most important leadership qualities that there is.






6. Do you recognise the value of picking your battles?
Not only do good leaders seek compromise and consense wherever there is controversy, they also know that it is often wise to avoid controversy altogether.

Many people believe that conflict avoidance is something that others will take as a sign of weakness.

In reality, this couldn’t be further than the truth. Think about it. Everybody knows at least one person who continually is at battle with somebody over something.

They seemingly cannot let anything go, and so they move from one confrontation to another. It is very rare to see these types of people in leadership positions, and when they are in leadership positions, they are often seen as bullies.

Somebody who has innate leadership skills wisely chooses their battles. The result is that when they do decide to take a firm stance on something, that stance is usually respected.


7. Are you willing to give credit to others for their contributions?

A great leader is primarily focused on the development of others.

This means overseeing their growth and training as employees, ensuring that they are happy and fulfilled with the work that they are doing, and ensuring that they are recognised for their accomplishments.

“ALL TOO OFTEN, WHEN A TEAM IS SUCCESSFUL, ALL OF THE PRAISE AND CREDIT GOES TO THE PERSON AT THE TOP.”

A great leader doesn’t let that happen. They ensure that everybody involved receives specific and meaningful credit for their contributions.

If you have a tendency to pass compliments on to others, it can be a sign that you recognise the importance of giving credit where credit is due.
Summary

As you can see, there is every bit as much value in quiet, competent leadership as there is in a loud and brash leadership style.

In fact, in many cases, quiet leaders who truly care about their teams, work as hard as they demand others to work, and are willing to take principled stands, are more respected than their often demanding and confrontational counterparts.

So, if you are an introvert, contemplative in nature, and have a quiet demeanour, don’t assume that leadership is not in the cards for you. The truth is, these characteristics may be signs that your innate leadership skills are much stronger than you realise.
Let us quickly recap on the questions featured in this article:
Are you willing to come in early and stay late?
Will you step in when a team member needs help?
Is it important for you that every member of a team is valued?
Will you stand up for an idea you believe in or advocate for a coworker?
Would you rather seek consensus than victory?
Do you recognise the value of picking your battles?
Are you willing to give credit to others for their contributions?



If you would like to develop your leadership skills, you can make the effort to find ways to act as a leader where you are right now.

You don’t need a promotion or a title to be a leader. You can mentor co-workers, be a source of practical and emotional support, and simply be willing to work just a bit harder than is expected of you.

You can also find your voice by learning to express your ideas and to advocate for yourself and the people working with you.
Is there anything to like to comment on about this article? Leave a comment below.

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Quit Being Negative!

Quit Being Negative!

Point 1: Positive Attitudes Always Stand Out!

In today's world, negativity runs rampant. People often tout themselves as being realistic or just 'looking at the facts' when they are actually choosing a negative mentality.

We all know the types of people that see the worst case scenario before ideas are fully developed. These types of people are detrimental to everyone's efforts.

When people look at the brighter, positive perspective they become more productive. When people believe they can accomplish something they are much more likely to actually reach their goal. Negative thinking is a hindrance to success and happiness.

Point 2: Happiness is a Choice!

Happiness isn't a fleeting thing that is only occurs during a vacation or right after a business win. Happiness is a choice and it needs to be cultivated, like any other important thing.

When people take a stance of happiness they are much less likely to allow small setbacks to affect their attitudes. We all have the ability to force bad experiences or unkind words to roll off our backs.

Happiness allows us to focus on what matters most and on what we want to achieve. Other people's opinions matter less when we have a positive perspective.

We have to rise above negative thinking and detrimental attitudes. Each of us possesses the power to be happy and positive.

Point 3: Nothing can be Accomplished Without Confidence!
We have to hold our heads high and expect greatness from ourselves! If you expect the worst, then you are setting yourself up for failure. Self-fulfilling prophecies are all too real. We truly become what we think about. If you think bad things are about to happen, you are probably right. However, if you expect great things are ahead you can lead yourself directly to success.

When people confidently stride through life it seems as though success just follows them around. They seem to have the world handed to them and that makes them confident. This is the wrong way of looking at the situation.

The real secret to success is being confident in your efforts. These people are not confident because they have achieved success, they are confident in themselves and therefore become successful.

Many people think they should only be confident once the have achieved their goals. This is backwards to the reality of the situation. If you want to successful, have confidence in your abilities and be positive in your attitude.

Bringing it all Together:
Each of us could make an effort to be in a better mood. Every person in the world would benefit from smiling a little bit more.

We can't sulk through life expecting bad things to happen. We have to look for the good, expect the best outcomes, and work to impact others positively. Be confident in your value as a person, employee, or a spouse.

It's time for all of us to quit being negative and start being awesome!



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Kobe Bryant’s Powerful Letter to His 17 Year Old Self

The All-Star basketball legend Kobe Bryant shares his letter to his 17-year old self.

Kobe’s letter is below:

Dear 17-year-old self,

When your Laker dream comes true tomorrow, you need to figure out a way to invest in the future of your family and friends. This sounds simple, and you may think it’s a no-brainer, but take some time to think on it further.

I said INVEST.

I did not say GIVE.

Let me explain.

Purely giving material things to your siblings and friends may appear to be the right decision. You love them, and they were always there for you growing up, so it’s only right that they should share in your success and all that comes with it. So you buy them a car, a big house, pay all of their bills. You want them to live a beautiful, comfortable life, right?

But the day will come when you realize that as much as you believed you were doing the right thing, you were actually holding them back.

You will come to understand that you were taking care of them because it made YOU feel good, it made YOU happy to see them smiling and without a care in the world — and that was extremely selfish of you. While you were feeling satisfied with yourself, you were slowly eating away at their own dreams and ambitions. You were adding material things to their lives, but subtracting the most precious gifts of all: independence and growth.

Understand that you are about to be the leader of the family, and this involves making tough choices, even if your siblings and friends do not understand them at the time.

Invest in their future, don’t just give.

Use your success, wealth and influence to put them in the best position to realize their own dreams and find their true purpose. Put them through school, set them up with job interviews and help them become leaders in their own right. Hold them to the same level of hard work and dedication that it took for you to get to where you are now, and where you will eventually go.

I’m writing you now so that you can begin this process immediately, and so that you don’t have to deal with the hurt and struggle of weaning them off of the addiction that you facilitated. That addiction only leads to anger, resentment and jealousy from everybody involved, including yourself.

As time goes on, you will see them grow independently and have their own ambitions and their own lives, and your relationship with all of them will be much better as a result.

There’s plenty more I could write to you, but at 17, I know you don’t have the attention span to sit through 2,000 words.

The next time I write to you, I may touch on the challenges of mixing blood with business. The most important advice I can give to you is to make sure your parents remain PARENTS and not managers.

Before you sign that first contract, figure out the right budget for your parents — one that will allow them to live beautifully while also growing your business and setting people up for long-term success. That way, your children’s kids and their kids will be able to invest in their own futures when the time comes.

Your life is about to change, and things are about to come at you very fast. But just let this sink in a bit when you lay down at night after another nine-hour training day.

Trust me, setting things up right from the beginning will avoid a ton of tears and heartache, some of which remains to this day.

Much love,

Kobe

KOBE BRYANT / LOS ANGELES LAKERS

Article Originally appeared on: The Players Tribune

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What To Do When Your Life Is Completely Out Of Control

No matter how much self-development you do, there is going to be a time when even the most perfect person’s life gets out of control. Right now, I feel like my life is somewhat like this. I feel like I’ve done things that I’m not proud of and it has all transpired in such a short time.

This feeling is normal, and there is always going to be winter in every season of your life. I’m in the depth of winter as we speak, and it’s tough. Through all of the cold, what keeps me going is the belief that this won’t last forever. This is normal and even the people I look up to have dealt with this.

This winter patch is all about growth. The unhappiness I feel about my goals that still remain untouched is where the next phase of growth is. Our life is supposed to get out of control so that we can take control back again and for me, inspire people at the same time.

With everything that goes wrong, there is a lesson for the people I love (you guys). I wouldn’t have this library of lessons to share with you all if my life was like one of those cookie cutter Instagram models that get horny over their reflection.

So after my recent challenges, here are the 10 things you can do when your life get’s out of control:

 1. Make a major life changing decision

When your life is out of control, it’s the best possible time to take massive action. Action is what will give you control back and put you back in the driver’s seat. The chances are that there is a root cause as to why your life is not the way you want it.

Look at where you work, who you spend time with, and your romantic relationship. Somewhere in these three areas will be the clue you need to make your big decision. Ask yourself deep down what really makes you angry.

Think about who is getting in the way of your dream and stopping you from reaching your full potential. Does everyone around you encourage you to keep following your passion or do some people think what you’re doing is dumb?

Once you have identified the problem area you need to forget how things were, and the comfort that comes with that, and be prepared to drop bombs and do whatever it takes to change the course of your life. Fear is going to sweep in at 100 miles and hour, but you will have to squash it with all of your willpower.

Weak people can’t get back in control of their life, and weak people tend to fail a lot. You’re not weak, and you have guts and determination.

 2. Stay true to your habits

Even if your life get’s out of control, it’s imperative that you hold on to your positive habits. These habits might be: drinking a juice, doing a workout, practicing meditation or reading a book every week. No matter what, these habits are your foundation, and you cannot get lazy and drop them.

Through tough times it’s easy to lose the motivation to power on through your habits. The thing is, during tough times you need your habits like mediation even more.

Through my own rough patch, I have doubled the amount of meditation I do each day from ten minutes to twenty minutes. Now more than ever I need inner peace and a time to reflect on all the mind chatter that is playing out every minute of the day.

 3. Set some new goals

I’ve found that when your life is out of control, part of the reason why, is that you need some new goals. The current goals you have are not keeping you motivated, or they might even be too easy.

I’ve crushed most of my year’s goals already, and I’ve found that this achievement has made it more likely for me to become lazy. For this reason, I have created two brand new goals that have lots of fear and require me to go out and do things that I used to procrastinate doing.

New goals help you to try something new and give you a reason to focus back on controlling your life again.

 4. Accept a lapse in decision-making

I’ve had some lapses in decision-making in recent weeks, and I’ve let myself get worked up about it. What I have discovered though is that it’s important to realise that you will sometimes make a bad decision. Each week you make more than two hundred decisions and statistically speaking some of those will be bad choices.

Understand that bad choices are normal, and as long as you are making more positive decisions than negative, it will all balance out in the end. Now that’s off my chest I am going to forgive myself for that coffee I drank 

 5. Go and do a good deed

If your world is spiraling out of control, then try and do a good deed. Go and help people whose life is even crazier than your own and get some perspective. You’d be surprised how in control your life really is compared to say a homeless person who has no money to buy dinner.

Find somewhere in your community where you can go in undercover and coach some people. Coaching people is a great way to use the lessons you have learned to help someone achieve their dream. I’ve found coaching to be one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life.

What’s even more fun is when one of your students achieves the impossible and you get even more happiness out of the experience than they do. You were put on this earth to inspire people so go and do it and forget about your problems for five minutes!

 6. Figure out what’s good in your life

A feeling that your life is out of control can often be brought on by focusing too much on the negative points of your reality. There are some parts of your life that work really well that you’ve forgotten about.

Think of how you might pay your bills on time, have a well-kept automobile, have a tidy home, have access to smart people, work a good job, or have a business that pays for your lifestyle. There’s always something that you have right now that’s just right. Make a list of those things and then study them.

Tell social media all the good you have right in your life and watch your friends reach out and support you. There’s no way you can feel out of control when you reframe just how good some areas of your life are.

“Trying to strive for perfection is what will give you a feeling that your life is out of control” – Tim Denning

 7. Escape to the countryside

When life doesn’t go the way you want it to, sometimes the best thing you can do is escape your current circumstances for a week and get some perspective. I’m doing this by going overseas for a few weeks to focus on something other than problems.

Our minds are curious by nature, and when we go to a place we haven’t been before we become explorers of our reality rather than being trapped in it.

Smell the roses, walk on a foreign beach, and speak to people from another culture. You might just find a new found way to gain control back again in all the newness that you’ve brought into your life. 

“It’s impossible to be stuck in your head when you’re in a new environment that you haven’t visited before”

 8. Decide how you want to live your life

Feeling like your life is out of control will only help you to dig a deeper hole for yourself unless you decide to set a new vision. Clearly, if your life is out of control, it’s because you haven’t decided how you want it to be and set a vision.

For me, I’ve set the vision up, but I’ve forgotten to readjust the GPS co-ordinates once in while. Once you know how your life needs to be, you need to write down the action steps you’re going to take to get there. This is not a time for beating around the bush and struggling to make a decision.

This time, it’s about getting clarity and then being unwavering in your approach to getting the results of the vision you so desire. You have to get aggressive here and not settle for second best otherwise you will never get back in control of your life again.

“You’re 100% to blame for where you are right now and only you can change your reality” – Tim Denning

It’s no one else’s fault if you feel lonely or uninspired – it’s yours. There are people all over the world that would love to speak with you and talk about a whole range of topics.

There are people on social media that love what you do, and you can’t let them down by sulking. This game plan you have set out to achieve success and financial freedom is supposed to be hard. Otherwise, everyone would be driving a baby blue Lamborghini with the top down listening to Rihanna.

Reassess where you’re at and step up the game with a refresh of your vision. Don’t be lazy and put up with this BS reality you might be experiencing right now. Don’t take any prisoners along with you and stick to your standards that you’ve committed to.

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8 Simple Steps To Solve Any Problems You Face

Do you think you could solve any problem?”

No matter how big it is, or how long it has affected your life?

ANSWER:

Here are 8 simple steps to systematically solving any problem you face:

s-s-s-sounds nice, that line ;-)

OK, here they are:

1. Clearly define the ‘problem’

Most problems are actually due to a lack of communication or clarity around what the problem actually is in the first place. How many times in your life have you actually discovered that the problem you thought you had wasn’t even the problem?

Keep digging and get to the root of the problem.

How many drugs are prescribed that don’t actually cure the problem?

How many wars do you think solve the problems at hand?

Clearly define the ‘problem’ through precise questioning and active listening, and you are well on the way to the solution:

“A problem well stated is a problem half solved.”

Have a ‘How can I?’ and not an ‘I can’t’ attitude.

2. Approach the problem with the attitude that there is a logical, practical solution, even if you don’t know what it is yet.

Be relaxed, confident and clear in your mind that the solution is there, and you just need to go through a natural, necessary process to get from A. the problem, to B. the solution.

3.Change your language from the negative to positive.

Instead of the word “problem,” use the word “challenge.” Problem is a negative word while challenge defines something that is there to be solved, a task that could even be fun, something to feel a sense of achievement to.

4. What are the causes of the ‘problem’? [now 'challenge']

Failure to identify the causes or reasons for the ‘challenge’ often means the problem recurs time and again. Like Yo-You dieting is often linked to an emotional based challenge – not the food or exercise on the surface. And recurring mistakes or themes in your life are probably more deeply rooted.

It is so much faster and more powerful to get to the root cause of the challenge, than to attempt to solve the ‘surface’ of the challenge.

5. What are all the possible solutions?

List and physically write down as many solutions or answers to the ‘challenge’ as possible. The quantity of possible solutions usually determines the quality of the solution, and you will be amazed at just how many potentially limitless solutions there are to one challenge.

This also has the powerful effect of devaluing the challenge. I once wrote down 356 solutions to one problem and it made it look pretty

The longer your list, the more creative and ‘left-field’ the solution, and they are often the best. They are also often the ones you don’t usually think of, and so are new opportunities.

6. Make a decision.

Usually any decision is better than none.

People are scared to make decisions, often go around in circles, and worry that any decision they may make, might be wrong.

The only wrong decision is no decision, because even if you are not sure that the decision you have made is the right one, it will either get you one step closer to the right decision, give you the feedback you need to get to the solution, or teach you something new.

You then have the power to make even a bad decision the right one.

Have Faith in Yourself.

You have all the tools available now to solve any problem, give yourself some credit and have faith in your abilities; you’re far more amazing than you realise! – at least that’s what my Mum always told me

7. Assign responsibility for carrying out the decision with clarity.

Clearly designate the responsibility to solve the problem. The clearer, the better. If you are outsourcing or delegating the action to solve, give them autonomy to make the decisions too.

Set a deadline for completion.

A decision without a deadline is a debate.

Be practical when it comes to implementing the solution, review it, monitor it and set an end date to make it happen.

Have others buy into the decision and the end date so they take on responsibility too.

8. Follow-up, monitor the decision and feedback.

Was the outcome as you hoped or expected?

What worked? What could have been done better next time? How can we avoid having the same challenge again? Create new solutions and new courses of action.

Enjoy turning every new problem from a problem into a challenge, then a challenge into a solution :-)

Empowering Greatness in Everyone

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