Develop A Clear Vision & Plan For Your Future

Most people have a general idea about what they want for their lives. The capacity to relay that vision to others is the challenge. This is something that sets apart a leader from the rest.

The main quality that all leaders share is that they have a clear and exciting vision for the future, and the ability to communicate that vision.

Only a leader can think about the future and plan for the future each day.
Communicate Your Vision

Excellent leaders take the time to think through and develop a clear picture of how life will look in one, three and five-year increments.

Leaders have the ability to communicate this vision in such a way that others “buy in.” Eventually, others see this vision as belonging to them.
Motivate People To Give Their Best

It is the vision of the future possibilities, of what can be, that arouses emotion and motivates people to give their best.

The most powerful vision is always qualitative, aimed at and described in terms of values and mission. It is not a quantitative vision, described in terms of money and numbers.
Money Is Important

Of course, money is important. The decision and commitment to “be the best in the business,” though, is far more exciting.
Keep Your Cool

Another key to leadership success is for you to “keep your cool.”

A study at Stanford Business School examined the qualities that companies look for in promoting young managers toward senior executive positions, especially the position of Chief Executive Officer. The study concluded that there are two important qualities required for great success.

First, the ability to put together and function as part of a team.
All work is ultimately done by teams. A manager’s output is the output of the team. The ability to select team members, set objectives, delegate responsibility and finally, get the job done, is central to success in management.
Practice Patience Under Pressure

The second leadership quality required for rapid promotion is the ability to function well under pressure, especially in a crisis.

Keeping your cool in a crisis means to practice patience and self-control under difficult or disappointing circumstances.
All Eyes On You

The character and quality of a leader are often demonstrated in these critical moments under fire. In these moments everyone is watching, observing and taking notes.

Rudyard Kipling once said, “If you can keep your head when all around you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, then the world is yours and all that’s in it.”

Your job as a leader is to have a clear vision of where you want to go. Keep your cool when things go wrong, as they surely will.
Create Your Own Dream Future Board

Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action:

First, project forward 3-5 years and imagine your ideal future vision. What does it look like? What steps can you take right now to begin turning your future vision into your current reality?

A great tool to help visualize your future and focus on your goals is a vision board.

Also known as a dream board, the concept involves placing images of your ideal life, belongings, goals and affirmations onto a board or book.

Once created, you should look at it as often as possible to activate your reticular activating system. Notice the resources and opportunities necessary to make your dreams become part of your reality.

Doing so will also activate the Law of Attraction!

Second, resolve in advance that, no matter what happens, you will remain calm and cool. You will not become upset or angry. You will take a deep breath and focus on the solution rather than on the problem.

Leave a comment below stating one of your future goals and I’ll be sure to follow up with you!

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Why You Should Think Long Term to Overcome Immediate Setbacks

Hidden Lessons

It's easier to obsess over setbacks, than to try to play the long game when it comes to life.

After all, obstacles are real while the future is promised to no one.

Disappointments have a way of overpowering you, however, they are just one aspect of your life. The key is to continually move forward and to not become caught up in your problems for too long.

You mustn't allow what is taking place to overshadow your long-term plans. It was Henry Ford who said: "When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it."

Like buried treasure, opportunities are hidden in your setbacks if you are willing to look hard enough. Once the anxiety settles, you come to realise the real account emerges.

Life should be measured in its entirety, not by your failures. If you're lucky enough, you will live a long life. So, avoid giving too much attention to your setbacks, since you are likely to bounce back from them.

That is, don't overstate what is taking place. We have a tendency towards a negativity bias which gets the better of us. Yes, your setbacks may be real, but you will overcome them to the best of your ability.

"If you can remember to look at your long-term goals, however, it will help you put setbacks into perspective," affirms author Amy Morin in 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do.

Move your awareness away from negativity and consider the long-term view.

What could be taking place behind the scenes that you are unaware of?

Is there is a hidden lesson contained within the setback?

Self-Control and Discipline

The value of adopting a long-term view is in not taking things too seriously because ultimately it will resolve itself if you are patient.

You must develop a clear picture of your intended future, instead of focusing on the setback.

Obstacles are part of every person's life. Whilst they are difficult to deal with, they allow for vital personal growth for the journey ahead.

You must adopt self-control and discipline to think long-term.

No one knows what the future holds, but if you have a purposeful vision of what it might look like, you can overcome your short term pain.

"Failures, setbacks, bad luck, disasters; they are there to serve you, not hold you back. They toughen you up and drive you to improve. Frustration fuels growth. It gives you the energy and resolve to clean yourself up, get organized, fix what you can, and take the next step," states author Larry Weidel in Serial Winner: 5 Actions to Create Your Cycle of Success.

Long-term thinking helps you appreciate that things will improve and you are never trapped in your present circumstances.

Time tests your inner resolve, your strength of character and your ability to withstand present conditions. Emotional growth occurs when you allow a situation to play out as it should.

It is difficult to take a long-term view because our minds are not accustomed to think far ahead. We are conditioned to deal with what is taking place now and typically have a limited view of tomorrow.

That comes at a cost to our wellbeing, because if we follow this script we are constantly putting out spot fires instead of working on larger goals.

To think long-term, develop an introspective outlook while reviewing your plans for the future.

Imagine Your Proposed Future

Take action however small, whether it be things such as self-reinforcement, affirmations or visualisations. Success is found in the smallest details.

In his book The Time Paradox: The New Psychology of Time That Will Change Your Life, psychologist and professor at Stanford University, Philip Zimbardo, states there are six time paradoxes that shape our lives:

1. Past-negative

2. Past-positive

3. Present-fatalistic

4. Present-hedonistic

5. Future

6. Transcendental-future

Based on his principles, your relationship with time influences every aspect of your life. So if you dwell on the past, you are less likely to appreciate the present moment and plan for the future.

The key to long term thinking is to imagine your proposed future through the power of your imagination. Focus on the smaller destinations instead of the larger picture.

For example, if your goal is to lose 10 kg (22 lbs) by the end of the year and you are suddenly injured (setback), this will make it difficult to exercise and adhere to your goal.

However, you could focus on the setback or what you can do during this period.

Use this time to fine-tune your nutritional habits by consuming fewer carbohydrates, owing to inactivity. Later, when you can exercise again you are likely to enhance your weight loss due to following sound nutritional habits.

"You need to change your self-talk in order to shift the story you're telling yourself about setbacks and adversity. You need to seek the insight or wisdom in challenging moments," affirms author Adam Markel in Pivot: The Art and Science of Reinventing Your Career and Life.

Focus on the Long Game

There is always some action to take however small, to move you forward towards your goals.

Long-term thinking is something I've followed throughout my adult life. Whilst others excelled in individual areas and gained immediate results, I focused on long-term outcomes.

I experience setbacks and obstacles like most others, yet I don't allow it to consume me. When I find myself stuck in a situation, I consider it a minor speed hump in what is a long journey.

I enjoy author Whitney Johnson's view in her book Disrupt Yourself: Putting the Power of Disruptive Innovation to Work: "As I have grappled with my own failures, and as I have watched others dealing with setbacks, I have observed several responses that seem to ameliorate failure, transforming it into a stepping-stone to future success."

That is the framework of this entire piece - using your setbacks as a stepping stone for future success. It is what esteemed Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck calls developing a Growth Mindset.

"Dweck says it's difficult to maintain confidence in a fixed mind-set without distorting the world, such as acting defensively or blaming someone or something else for setbacks," says Peter Sims in Little Bets: How breakthrough ideas emerge from small discoveries.

To overcome a setback, recognise it as a minor process in what is a greater plan unfolding. Deal with what is taking place by all means, but use the lessons to develop a Growth Mindset.

In closing, I invite you to focus on the long game for your life.

That is where the fruit of your labour lies waiting for you to seize it, rather than dwell on your past mistakes.

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How to Worry Less About the Future and Make Each Week Awesome

I used to worry incessantly about how the future would turn out. Then, it finally dawned on me that all this worrying was doing nothing to help me. It was taking away from my present, and by doing that, it was draining my future from what it could eventually become.

I fundamentally began to realize that the feelings and actions I feel and take week by week, would ultimately create my future. So if I fret and worry now, I’m laying the seeds for continuing that cycle in the future. If I smile and do my best work now, then I’m laying the seeds for that too.

The only way I can be sure of creating a great future is to do my best to create a great present, incrementally improving it week by week – despite the mishaps and little pains that inevitably arise through the course of life.

These days, I write what I’m grateful for every morning and night. I hug my family every day. I do a little exercise each day. I eat a healthy meal each day. I work on my writing each day. Because small acts multiplied through Monday to Sunday and each week, change my future by an enormous amount.
Why are we focused on the distant future?

The underlying reason behind why we worry so much about the future is because we’ve put it on a pedestal. The same model of focusing on a particular guy or girl replicates itself with the way we lead our lives. Macy can’t stop thinking about Gary, so she’s spending less time feeling happy about her life; giving less time to her hobbies and friendships (her present). But really Gary is a scumbag (the future) and doesn’t care about her.


“Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand.” – Thomas Carlyle

Done right, thinking about the future may be useful since it can engender positive actions in the present. For instance, perhaps Macy realizes that Gary isn’t good for her after some careful thinking and starts focusing her attention on the right people and goals. Yet, when we concentrate on the future too much, it creates anxiety and a distorted vision that cripples our ability to take advantage of each week.

The first step in getting over our anxiety for the future is first to accept that the only reason why we’re anxious is because we’re looking away from what’s in front of us. The second step is recognizing that, at the deepest root, our anxiety for the future comes down to believing that it’s our salvation (most often, that’s never the case).
We need to change the lens we’re looking through

Since many of us don’t have a dominant overriding focus time view, our mind naturally gravitates to its default thinking; the distant future. But since our mind loves concepts, we might as well hold on to the one that serves us best. And a week to two weeks seems to be the sweet spot.

Tim Ferriss, the well know author of the Four Hour Work Week and Tools of Titans, lives his life through the mainframe of two-week experiments within six-month timelines; eschewing five-year plans for a more short term focus. Cancer patients, who know that their death is coming within the year, inevitably start losing their fear of being successful and start taking more action.

Several other different authors like Scott Adams, have explored the benefits of setting short-term deadlines and using systems based thinking. So for instance, instead of dreaming about writing a book, for example, ditch the idea and focus on writing a chapter per week. Short term focus gets you moving.

But you can’t do anything when you’re focusing on the what-if’s in-between a month, to five years, or a decade from now. And that state of inaction is what sets the stage for worry.

To worry less about the future, here are some of the things you can focus on through the lens of the week:
What time you wake up
What you choose to eat, read, and watch
Blocking 1-3 hours daily or more to drive you towards your goals
Meeting your friends
Saying thank you, smiling, and laughing as often as you can

We all have goals and dreams. But to build the best future possible, all you need to come back to is making your week as phenomenal as you can. Not too long ago, you were picturing how life would be like when you’d be *insert your current age*.


“A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work.” – John Lubbock

Don’t let that cycle repeat itself your whole life. Act this week, and make it count. Because once it’s gone, it’s gone for good.Though, I’m not saying we to live each day like it’s your last — we’re all going to have our off days. I just like you will have minor blips along my journey.

And having a perfectionist mindset is only going to screw us over in the long run. But long as we keep showing up in our work, relationships, and habits each week, the future will be okay. To have a dazzling future, all we need to focus on is making our average week better by 1-5% consistently.

By applying the principles in this article, living each week in a phenomenal manner will eventually become more and more natural. That’s the place where you want to get to. Where doing the hard things becomes easier. Where embracing the week instead of the imaginary future, becomes your default living mechanism.

Eventually, you’ll barely care about the future. Why? Because you’ll get all the thrills and fulfilment you need by crushing it every week.
What are some ways that help you stop worrying about the future so that you focus more on the present? Leave your thoughts below!

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Why You Have To Own Your Swag To Be Successful

It’s a Tuesday night, and I’m at the bowling alley with a group of guys from a tech company that I deal with. I haven’t bowled for a while and secretly plan to focus on the conversation rather than my lackluster bowling performance.

Before I start, the man that invited me gives me some bowling tips. He has real swag and looks like he’s going to be awesome at bowling. He’s got the walk, the way of holding the ball, and he’s psyching me out with the way he stares.

After the first game where I hit a gutter ball, he gives me a tip and says that I need to the hold the ball with different fingers. I figure I have nothing to lose and take his advice. Then, for the next six odd games, I hit mostly gutter balls.

The decision from this point onwards is easy; it’s time to use my own swag and do what feels right. I change the ball to a slightly heavier one and go back to my old grip. Even though I am going against the rules of the sport, I bowl three strikes in a row and another shot where all the balls except one fall over.

Had I have kept trying to follow my colleagues swag and not embraced my own, I would have failed miserably. As it turns out, I nearly won even with all the gutter balls at the start. Now I’m described as being some bowling genius, and they think I have some secret skill.
My secret skill is my swag and having a go – nothing more. Here are the 4 ways to embrace your own swag:

1. Trust your instincts

Everyone has an opinion about how you should do a particular task; that doesn’t mean you should listen. Your instincts come from your animal ancestors from thousands of years ago, and you have them for a reason. Deep down, you know when you should listen to someone and when you should embrace your swag.

Learning to trust your decision-making ability based on feelings is a hard thing to master. Feeling your way through life without utilising logic goes against what we are taught in school and college. Every problem is supposed to have an answer, isn’t it?

Wrong. Predicting your future is never going to happen. There are a ton of studies that show how your gut instinct is worth acknowledging and is generally right for you. When something feels right, like the way you bowl, embrace it and love that you have your own style.


2. Your swag is you

I’m not sure why, but we humans seem always to want to be everyone else but ourselves. What’s so horrible about the way we are?


“There’s nothing wrong with you and the things that make you different are where the coolness lies”

Part of the challenge is that we think we have to follow a path that has previously been traveled. We don’t. The path we choose in life comes down to what is right for us individually. There are millions of ways to do almost anything so don’t feel like you have to do it like everyone before you.

There are times when it’s good to mirror other people’s success and then there are times to just make up the story as you go along. I prefer to make my own future and then change the world through what I believe that can be somewhat extreme.

Whether it’s a sport like bowling or the way you make money, do it using your own swag. Love your swag and how out of control it can be at times. Swag it out and be proud of who you are right now, and who you’re becoming thanks to all of the growth and personal development you are engaging in.


3. Know it’s okay to look silly

How you look might seem undesirable, but nine times out of ten, no one even notices. My bowling style probably looked stupid to most. It didn’t have the beautiful lines and the fancy footwork. The ball would hit the wooden floor with a sudden thump each time.

To make matters more challenging, all the people present were consuming a fair amount of beer. Strange old me went to the bar and ordered a bottle of water. Did I care if people thought that was weird? No. In fact, people became intrigued and started asking questions.

After these mini-conversations some of the guys looked at their beer with a different view. While they didn’t say it, they wondered what benefit they were getting and if there was a different perspective that might change their future success.

Everyone that was present that night is not going to forget my bowling swag and water drinking antics. In a business context, this makes me stand out from my competitors. Remember, people do life with people and people also do business with people.


“Having the same style as everyone else makes you forgettable and unsuccessful in the long run”

Your swag is cool because “cool” nowadays is about not being afraid to look silly and forgetting about how people might judge you. Every unknown sport is weird until someone achieves success at it and then it becomes mainstream and popular like kite surfing.


4. Not having an experience is worse

I could have just said I can’t bowl so I won’t go and hang out with these tech guys. I won’t embrace building new relationships and expanding my horizons. It would have been very easy on that rainy, windy, cold Melbourne day to curl up in bed with my favorite lemongrass and ginger tea, and consume endless social media content.

I could have admitted I was no good from day one and never stepped out of my comfort zone. The problem with the way of thinking I have just outlined (that was very tempting by the way) is that I would have missed out on life.

Maybe I would have met my future business partner at the bowling alley. Maybe I would have got a new idea for a business and gone on to be a high achieving entrepreneur of a tech startup because of a chance meeting that happened on this day.

You just never know what you are missing out on by being afraid of your swag and not using it to your advantage. By having very few experiences, you are doing more damage than using grit and pushing through any potential embarrassment or struggle. It’s only a struggle if you think it is.

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4 Ways You Can Create Everlasting Devotion to Your Goals

We can sit here and try to come up with a million ideas for the future or talk about our dreams for hours, but what does it matter when we aren’t insanely committed to those ideas, and all we do is waste time on pep-talks?

Over the years I have learned that mental devotion to my vision is something I must do before anything else. Those exciting goals must be converted into reality. They have to become a part of my identity and who I am. Only if you can become totally loyal and responsible to what you want, can you overcome challenges and any setbacks along the way.
Since we all are just starting fresh in 2017 with high expectations, pumped up, ready to make it happen, I have for you 4 ways how you can stay on track and create everlasting devotion to every single goal:

1. Respect your goal

This is a fundamental and one of the most important steps towards your future. If you don’t make your dreams the most important thing in your life, who will? It is your responsibility to know what your vision means to you and learn how to prioritize between what you want now and what you want forever.

If you are willing to accept a sadistic boss at the job you hate and feel miserable about, then I believe it is your obligation to be absolutely loyal to your dreams and future.


“The first step to achieving your goal, is to take a moment to respect your goal. Know what it means to you to achieve it.” – Dwayne Johnson

2. Create commitment which breaks every wall

One of the best mental tricks I’ve applied to myself is creating a deep relationship with my goals. There are only two ways this relationship is going to end. I either reach it, or I die. Sounds tough, I know, but it isn’t.

The “dying” part refers to a situation where you won’t stop until you get to the final destination. And this is the way you should look at your primary, long-lasting goals which you know, in your heart, are going to give you fulfillment and satisfaction.

There is nothing stronger than absolute commitment. This state of mind will pull you through the hardest times and doesn’t make you stop, no matter how tired, exhausted or discouraged you feel.

3. How many lives can you impact?

Have you ever thought about how many lives you can change or impact with your goals? How many jobs can you create. How many families can you feed or how much impact you can have on your children?

I bet that if you are reading this, humility is a part of your character, which is a reason good enough to keep going. It is common for the people who are on top to help others along the way and that is why they aimed so high on a ladder of success.


“We only have what we give.” – Isabel Allende

4. Listen to your heart

If your heart is involved in your decision and plans, it creates power because heart makes you feel. You can be exhausted and fed up with all the failures and discouragement, have 100 reasons to give up, but if your heart tells you to keep going, you will keep going. In general, feelings are far stronger than thoughts, and they have a bigger impact on your actions.

When it comes to deciding about your future and dreams, forget the logic. No one ever succeeded or kept going because they were logical. Follow your heart and in a time of crisis, ask yourself one question: “If I give up now, if I let those goals disappear, am I going to be okay with that?” This should give you an exact answer to what you are destined for.
How do you stay devoted to your goals? Please leave your thoughts below!

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Optimism and Ways to Develop It

Whenever someone has a problem, we say automatically to the person to "look on the brighter side" or "see the cup as half full". Such wise advice may lead the person to shed off negativity. When faced with stressful situations, positive thinking helps us calm down and review the situation in a wider perspective, which can prove to be useful in handling it.

To maintain a positive viewpoint in stressful situations is a mental attitude of optimism. Being optimistic is defined as expecting the best possible outcome from any given situation. Like all psychological traits, optimism is heritable but is strongly influenced by environmental factors, including family environment.

A recent meta-analysis of optimism supported past findings that optimism is positively correlated with life satisfaction, happiness, psychological and physical well-being. Generally, optimists choose lifestyles, which make them lead a healthier life.

Many suggest that optimism is a learn-able behavior. Moreover, it is positively contagious.

The following are some effective ways to develop optimism -

Associate with positive people - Company one keeps closely influences the person. So, surround yourself with people who have positive outlooks. Their positivity will definitely infect you. There goes a saying that if you want to soar with the eagles, you have to stop hanging out with the ducks.

Expect ups and downs - Having a realistic perspective helps prevent things from being blown out of proportion. By maintain an attitude that we all have ups and downs in life, we will be able to face every situation positively. The reality is that life isn't always rainbows and butterflies.

Find an opportunity in difficulty - Optimism means understanding that difficult situations will inevitably appear, often temporarily. It also means that one has ability to combat the challenges that one faces. Optimism implies having a sense of hopefulness that a situation whether good or bad has an inherent opportunity for us to learn from. Remember, the most beautiful rainbows come from the sunlight after a thunderstorm.

Keep positive reminders within range of vision - By writing down short statements that inspire optimism and placing them where one can see them everyday - bathroom mirror, inside of locker and on computer monitor - really helps one maintain positivity.

Work on things that can be controlled - Whenever we land in a situation we think we cannot control, instead of becoming its victim, we should acknowledge the fact. This will prevent us from slipping into pessimism. May be, we find a solution at some point in future if we stay positive. Instead, we should concentrate more on what is under our control.

Practice gratitude - We all have so much good in life, for which we should be thankful. But it is a paradox that we think more about what we don't have as compared to others. Always count your blessings as an old adage goes. This will help frame a better attitude and take your mind off of the negatives.

Appreciate all is impermanent - Nothing is permanent in life that includes everything. However, a current good or bad situation will also change. This belief will kindle optimism in a person.

Focus on the present - We are all obsessed with the past and the future. But, as a matter of fact, life is happening right now. Instead of living in the past and worrying about the future, we should practice living in the present moment.

The trait of optimism is inherently present in all albeit to varying extents. Nonetheless, it is possible for those, who lack the trait, to change their mindset and start thinking more positively. And thus they can reap a whole host of its benefits including improved well-being, lowered stress levels, better relationships and improved quality of life.

Optimism is a trait that makes one look at the sunny side of a situation however bad it may be. An optimist is intrinsically happy because of this special trait. Further, an optimist never fails to affect others with one's positiveness. It is significant to know that optimism is a behavior that can be learned by anyone.

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How to Overcome Frustration: 3 Simple but Effective Steps

Frustration. It winds you up and can take so much out of you.

Because it not only sucks energy but also distracts you and can steal quite a bit of time.

So what can you do?

Well, sometimes that frustration can actually be a positive and can give you a new idea or angle on things. Or it can give you the power to keep going just a little bit more until you reach your goal.

But when you start going in circles, when the frustration just makes you mad or your mind foggy and the day is starting to slip through your fingers then there are steps you can take.

There are ways to turn such a state of mind or day around.

Into something better. Into something more helpful. And into something that will make you feel better again.

Step 1: Be here now.

When you are frustrated then you are often somewhere in the future in your mind. Somewhere you wish you would be. Or you are reliving a stumble or failure from your past.

Snap out of those headspaces and calm down by focusing your mind and attention on what is now, right here at this moment.

You can do so by for example:
Focusing on your breathing. Sit down, close your eyes and just focus on the air going and out of your nose for 1-2 minutes. Take calm and slightly deeper breaths than usual and breathe with your belly and not your chest.
Focus on what is around you at this time. The sun shining in through your window. The kids playing out in the street and the cars and people going by. The smells and feeling of the clothes and warmth of the sun on your skin. Do this for 1-2 minutes to get your attention back to the present moment.

Step 2: Appreciate what you do have.

After you have pulled your attention back to where it can be most helpful focus it on what is still positive in your life.

The quickest and easiest way to do so is to focus it on appreciating what you do have.

A favorite of mine during this step is the important things we may sometimes take for granted. Like for instance:
A warm home and a roof over your head.
Plenty of drinkable water.
Not having to go hungry.
Access to the internet.
Your friends and family.

Spend a few minutes on this and you’ll find much to be grateful for.

Step 3: Focus on what you can do right now.

With your attention in the present moment and your mood a more grateful and positive one it is now time to get constructive about what frustrates you.

You can do that by asking yourself:

What is one small step I can take right now to improve this situation?

It may be to see what you can learn from what frustrates you and to try another path towards your goal.

Or it could be to try one more time and to keep going (because not all things in life will come to you the first, second or third time you try).

Or it could be you simply realizing that you may have taken on a bit much lately or things have been tough and that you need to take this evening or a few days to just relax, take care of yourself and perhaps simplify a bit.

So that you can recharge and then get back into moving towards what you want out of your life in a more focused way.

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7 Common Habits of Unhappy People

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”
Marcus Aurelius

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
Marcel Proust

Circumstances can certainly make life unhappy. But a part – often a big part – of unhappiness comes from our own thinking, behaviour and habits.

In this article I’d like to share 7 of the most destructive daily habits that can create quite a bit of unhappiness within and in your own little world.

But I’ll also share what has worked, what has helped me to minimise or overcome these habits in my life.

1. Aiming for perfection.

Does life has to be perfect before you are happy?

Do you have to behave in a perfect way and get perfect results to be happy?

Then happiness will not be easy to find. Setting the bar for your performance at an inhuman level usually leads to low self-esteem and feeling like you are not good enough even though you may have had a lot of good or excellent results. You and what you do is never enough good enough except maybe once in a while when feels like something goes just perfect.

How to overcome this habit:

Three things that helped me to kick the perfectionism habit and become more relaxed:
Go for good enough. Aiming for perfection usually winds up in a project or something else never being finished. So go for good enough instead. Don’t use it as an excuse to slack off. But simply realise that there is something called good enough and when you are there then you are finished with whatever you are doing.
Have a deadline. I set deadlines every time that start with a new premium guide. Because about a year ago, when I was working on my second e-book, I realised that just working on it and releasing it when it was done would not work. Because I could always find stuff to add to it. So I had to set a deadline. Setting a deadline gave me a kick in the butt and it is generally good way to help you to let go of a need to polish things a bit too much.
Realise what it costs you when you buy into myths of perfection.This was a very powerful reason for me to let go of perfectionism and one I tell myself still if I find thoughts of perfection pop up in my mind. By watching too many movies, listening to too many songs and just taking in what the world is telling you it is very easy to be lulled into dreams of perfection. It sounds so good and wonderful and you want it.
But in real life it clashes with reality and tends to cause much suffering and stress within you and in the people around you. It can harm or possibly lead you to end relationships, jobs, projects etc. just because your expectations are out of this world. I find it very helpful to remind myself of this simple fact.

2. Living in a sea of negative voices.

No one is an island. Who we socialise with, what we read, watch and listen to has big effect on how we feel and think.

It becomes a lot harder to be happier if you let yourself be dragged down by negative voices. Voices that tell you that life will in large part always be unhappy, dangerous and filled with fear and limits. Voices that watch life from a negative perspective.

How to overcome this habit:

Replacing those negative voices with more positive influences is very powerful. It can be like a whole new world opening up.

So spend more time with positive people, inspiring music and books, movies and TV-shows that make you laugh and think about life in a new way.

You can start small. For example, try reading an uplifting blog or book or listen to an audio book while eating your breakfast one morning this week instead of reading the paper or watching the morning news on TV.

3. Getting stuck in the past and future too much.

Spending much of your time in the past and reliving old painful memories, conflicts, missed opportunities and so on can hurt whole lot. Spending much of your time in the future and imagining how things could go wrong at work, in your relationships and with your health can build into horrifying nightmare scenarios playing over and over in your head. Not being here right now in life as it happens can lead to missing out on a lot of wonderful experiences.

No good if you want to be happier.

How to overcome this habit:

It is pretty much impossible to not think about the past or the future. And it is of course important to plan for tomorrow and next year and to try to learn from your past.

But to dwell on those things rarely help.

So I try as best as I can to spend the rest of my time, the big part of my time each day, with living in the now. Just being here right now and being fully focused on these words I am writing and later as I cook and eat my lunch and work out be fully focused on doing that.

Whatever I am doing I try to be there fully and not drift off into the future or past.

If I do drift off then I focus only on my breathing for a few minutes or I sit still and take in what is all around me right now with all my senses for a short while. By doing either of those things I can realign myself with the present moment again.

4. Comparing yourself and your life to others and their lives.
One very common and destructive daily habit is to constantly compare your life and yourself to other people and their lives. You compare cars, houses, jobs, shoes, money, relationships, social popularity and so on. And at the end of the day you pummel your self-esteem to the ground and you create a lot of negative feelings.

How to overcome this habit:

Replace that destructive habit with two other habits.
Compare yourself to yourself. First, instead of comparing yourself to other people create the habit of comparing yourself to yourself. See how much you have grown, what you have achieved and what progress you have made towards your goals. This habit has the benefit of creating gratitude, appreciation and kindness towards yourself as you observe how far you have come, the obstacles you have overcome and the good stuff you have done.
You feel good about yourself without having to think less of other people.
Be kind. In my experience, the way you behave and think towards others seems to have a big, big effect on how you behave towards yourself and think about yourself. Judge and criticise people more and you tend to judge and criticise yourself more (often almost automatically). Be more kind to other people and help them and you tend to be more kind and helpful to yourself.
Focus on the positive things in yourself and in the people around you. Appreciate what is positive in yourself and others. This way you become more OK with yourself and the people in your world instead of ranking them and yourself and creating differences in your mind.

And remember, you can’t win if you keep comparing. Just consciously realising this can be helpful. No matter what you do you can pretty much always find someone else in the world that has more than you or are better than you at something.

5. Focusing on the negative details in life.

Seeing the negative aspects of whichever situation you are in and dwelling on those details is a sure way to make yourself unhappy. And to drag down the mood for everyone around you.

How to overcome this habit:

Overcoming this habit can be tricky. One thing that has worked for me is to kick the perfectionism habit. You accept that things and situations will have their upsides and downsides rather than thinking that all details have to positive and excellent. You accept things as they are. This way you can let go emotionally and mentally of what is negative instead of dwelling on it and making mountains out of molehills.

Another thing that works is simply to focus on being constructive. Instead of focusing on dwelling and whining about the negative detail. You can do so by asking better questions. Questions like:

How can I turn this negative thing into something helpful or positive?
How can I solve this problem?

If I am faced with what I start thinking is a problem I may use a third solution, I may ask myself: who cares? I most often then realise that this isn’t really a problem in the long run at all.

6. Limiting life because you believe the world revolves around you.

If you think that the world revolves around you and you hold yourself back because you are afraid what people may think or say if you do something that different or new then you are putting some big limits on your life. How?

Well, you can become less open to trying new things and growing.You can think that the criticism and negativity you encounter is about you or that it is your fault all the time (while it in reality could be about the other person having bad week or you thinking that you can read minds). I have also found that my own shyness used to come from me thinking that people cared a great deal about what I was about to say or do.

How to overcome this habit:

Realise people don’t care too much about what you do. They have their hands full with worrying about their own lives and what people may think of them instead. Yes, this might make you feel less important in your own head. But it also sets you free a bit more if you’d like that.
Focus outward. Instead of thinking about yourself and how people may perceive you all the time, focus outward on the people around you. Listen to them and help them. This will help you to raise your self-esteem and help you to reduce that self-centred focus.

7. Over complicating life.
Life can be pretty complicated. This can creates stress and unhappiness. But much of this is often created by us. Yes, the world may be becoming more complex but that doesn’t mean that we cannot create new habits that make your own lives a bit simpler.

How to overcome this habit:

Over complicating life can involve many habits but I’d like to suggest a few replacement habits to what have been a couple of my own most over complicating habits.
Splitting your focus and having your attention all over the place in everyday life. I replaced that complicating habit with just doing one thing at a time during my day, having a small to-do list with 2-3 very important items and writing down my most important goal on white board that I see each day.
Having too much stuff. I replaced that habit with regularly asking myself: have I used this in the past year? If not then I will give that thing away or throw it away.
Creating relationship problems of any kind in your mind. Reading minds is hard. So, instead ask questions and communicate. This will help you to minimise unnecessary conflicts, misunderstandings, negativity and waste or time and energy.
Getting lost in the in-box. I spend less time and energy on my email in-box by just checking it once a day and writing shorter emails (if possible not more than 5 sentences.)
Getting lost in stress and overwhelm. When stressed, lost in a problem or the past or future in your mind then, as I mentioned above, breathe with your belly for two minutes and just focus on the air going in and out. This will calm your body down and bring your mind back into the present moment again. Then you can start focusing on doing what is most important for you again.

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Why Taking A Day Off Can Transform Your Life

Entrepreneurs are passionate, driven, and hardworking folks. We love to grind. We love to go hard. “I’m building my future”, is what we all say. No more 9-5!

The problem with this attitude is that it can lead to burn out – that state where youKNOW you should be doing something productive, but you physically and/or mentally can’t.

All you can do is sleep, watch YouTube or Netflix, and deal with the guilt and shame that comes with that. You can hardly get out of bed. It’s even hard to go to social things with friends because you are so zapped of energy.

The stress behind this will kill you. Seriously.

So you keep promising yourself things will be different. “I’ll take it easier next week! I’ll take some time to myself!”, but you know it’s probably not going to happen.

You over-complicate things unnecessarily stressing yourself out even more. So, you hope the burn out guilt and shame kicks you in the ass tomorrow to get going for being so unproductive today.

But for now, you just feel like you’re wasting time as you mope and watch The Walking Dead.


I’m going to discuss why taking a day off every week has helped me and many other workaholics, counter-intuitively, do better work. Here’s what I’ll be going through:
I’ll start by talking about you shouldn’t work continuously everyday and where this all comes from.
What’s the idea behind taking a day off per week.
I’ll get into some science and the psychology behind it all (decision fatigue and ego depletion), as to how all humans were built for cycles of energy and productively, and how you CANNOT work continuously.
I’ll wrap it up connecting the ideas with the science so you have proof that not only should you take time off, but YOU NEED TO.

By the end of reading this you should be convinced (even if your mind says you should be working CONSTANTLY on your business) that time off and a day off are both necessary.


Who Else Feels Like They Should Be Working 13-16 Hour Days?

Many entrepreneur gurus and acolytes promote the working 13 hours a day getting a business started thing, especially in the early years. Personally coming from an engineering background in University, I know I can do this. My life was spent going from class to class, then burning oil on my homework.

But you know what? I missed out on eons of socializing, connecting with people, and growth.

I get the whole work hard now, enjoy the fruits later thing… But I don’t see the reason why we can’t have a balance. After all, a human can only output 6 hours of productive work a day. The rest will be sub-par, or downright crappy.

Would you like to make decisions with a brain that’s tired, that could potentially cost you thousands?


Amount of hours working per day is an easily quantifiable metric.


Quality of work is not. Doing the right things to really push your business forward is not.

I’m not saying that this is an excuse to slack off and do one hour of work per day or that you shouldn’t work hard, but there needs to be a balance with friends, hobbies, and so on. These things re-charge you so that you can do BETTER work.

We were not made to run at full on productivity all day, everyday. We need re-charge cycles. This applies to at the end of the work day (not doing work at night and going to the gym), during the work day (only working in 1.5 hour spurts with breaks in between), and all throughout your life (vacations).

For a step-by-step breakdown of turning this into an entire productivity system and organising your day to get the most done, check this out.

Sure, there are certain times you’re going to grind. You’re going to have to. For my new book, Mastery Of The Mind, I grinded out 13 hour days for a week and it was worth it because it sold far past my expectations and became a #1 bestseller… but then I took a few days off and went back to a normal work schedule.

It’s better to work at your maximum productivity level, stop, re-charge, and then begin over again, compared to burning oil and doing crappy work.

So how can we apply this to output better work week after week?



How To Feel Better And Re-vitalised For Work – Take A Day Off

While the energy cycle idea applies everyday – work to a certain point, then relax: be with friends, go to the gym, play a musical instrument, read, sleep, etc… It also applies to your entire week.

People SEVERELY under-estimate how much a day completely off from work can do for them. If your muscles need days off from the gym to grow and strengthen, why the hell shouldn’t your brain be any different? It needs dead time as well.

Back a few years ago during my stressful Master’s degree, a good friend of mine recommended I do this.

Initially, I resisted. But now while being busier than ever (working on two businesses of my own along with a full-time job working with for else’s business, gym, socialising, cooking, errands, having to deal with some family issues, trying to stay healthy emotionally, etc.etc.)… I refuse to give up this day off. I’d rather get less “stuff” done.

For one day (your choosing), you have a completely blank day.

There are no responsibilities. No set plans. You sleep in. No work. No e-mail.

Just laziness, relaxation, and fun.

Think I’m pulling your leg? Check this out. Here’s my current schedule as it is (yeah I’m a bit OCD with it but it really helps me XD):

You can see I’ve got writing, work for my blog, a company I work for, the gym all there, but Saturday… there’s nothing. Even when I look at that I just breath a sign of relief because I know I grind on all these great things during the weekdays but on Saturday… That’s time to do whatever I want.

Alright so this all SOUNDS good and you think taking a day off is great, but again, you keep telling yourself you should and it doesn’t happen and the shame/work cycle continues.

Let’s get into the science and psychology that will help convince you to take a day off:


Why You Make Bad Decisions – The Science Of Decision Fatigue And Ego Depletion

This has been an obsession of mine as of late, along with looking into outsourcing (I need to get on those virtual assistants!).

We’ve all felt it… At the end of the day we want to stick to our diet but we’re tired and we can’t fight our brain. We crack a beer and pig out on pizza and ice cream. “I deserve it”, you say. True, you might. But why couldn’t you hold back?

Decision fatigue, or ego depletion, refers to the phenomenon of how we only have so many “points” of making good decisions everyday. This is why many successful people advocate setting up habits, because then you don’t need to make decisions at all… The habits are nearly automatic for good but simple tasks (e.g., you usually don’t have to decide whether you brush your teeth or not).

The thinking is that for the really important decisions during the day where you need your “points”, such as in business mergers, software to use, choosing employees to hire and so on…

If you’ve used up your energy on way less meaningful decisions like what to eat for breakfast and because of that you get lazy and make rash decisions based on whom to hire… yeah, you’re going to run into issues.

It doesn’t matter the type of decision (what type of toothpaste to buy in the store vs. whether to accept a business proposition or not), it’s making decisions in general. Decision fatigue does not discriminate.

It’s also why many people have set rules for making decisions to make their lives easier and less stressful. For example, Tim Ferriss discusses in an article on simplifying life and decisions some things he does to make things easier. He suggests you:
Eat the same thing for breakfast everyday.
Limit your options in any one decision to 3-4 choices (e.g. at restaurants, for new hires, and so on). More options doesn’t mean you make a better decision. In fact according to Dan Ariely in Predictably Irrational, the more options we have, the more difficult it is to make a decision, and the less satisfied we are (because we always wonder “what if” about the options we didn’t choose).
Consider if a decision will only result in a potential loss of $100 (or whatever monetary amount you choose), you should let an assistant make the call.


How Can A Day Off Help Me Make Better Decisions?

You can read more about how decision fatigue works and you might be thinking “OK, this is interesting, but what’s the point? What does it have to do with taking a day off?”

Well after a long week of hard, regimented work, hopefully where you HAVE been taking breaks when you are done for the day… you’re still going to feel exhausted.

Having a set, strategic day where you can do whatever you want gives your body a HUGE re-set and lowers your stress. You’re giving yourself permission to not be productive, not follow through on any habits, and not do work for an entire day. Basically, here, you should give in to hedonism and be a kid and do whatever you want.

Follow the 80-20 rule: If 6 out of 7 days (86%) a week you are doing work and working towards your goals, don’t worry about one day off.

By giving yourself a day where you don’t need to do anything, you are strategically fighting decision fatigue for the next week and after a day off, you will feel re-charged and can get back to crushing it.

An example of where a strategic “day off” produces better results: diets. Wonder why some diets don’t work or people have a hard time sticking to them, yet something like Ferriss’ slow carb diet seems very successful?

One main reason is Ferriss’ inclusion of a strategic cheat day where people can eat whatever they want – Not only does their willpower get re-charged, but I can tell you from having a day where you eat pizza and ice cream… you get pretty amped to just get back to healthy eating (and swear you won’t eat crappy food… until the week ends again and the cycle repeats *sigh*).


4 Other Reasons Why Taking A Day Off Can Help You

It injects play and fun into your life for a whole day, which gives you inspiration to work harder.
It allows you to catch up on lost sleep (slept debt).
It allows you to catch up with friends, socialize, etc., which entrepreneurs typically neglect.
The time off actually allows your mind to subconsciously work on new ideas you wouldn’t get if you constantly churned and burned with no breaks.


“I Don’t Feel Like I Can Stop”

Stop making excuses. I’m a workaholic and I do it too, all entrepreneurs do. I know how hard it is, but trust me, you will feel better because of it. If you don’t feel like you can take an entire day off, just try taking half a day and see how you feel and continuously bump it up.

As Tim Ferriss says, work will always be there tomorrow, but your life is passing you by. It’s up to you to prioritize what’s important, because work expands to fill the available time you give it.

Don’t just work, that’s not what makes life – Working on your passion will make you happy for sure, but so will relationships, trips, exploring new places, and travelling – even if it’s just an hour away.

Rules: No work. Go have fun. Play. Get outside. Spend time doing something you love. No e-mail. Cutting off tech completely can be a good idea (unless you are trying to arrange when to meet up with friends).

Laugh. Nap. No responsibilities. Make “bad” (i.e. non-productive) choices. Eat chocolate cake and ice cream. Drink some good wine.

Your body, mind, and work will thank you when you get that next project done feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, and inspired.

Good luck, enjoy your life, and I’ll see you when I get out of bed at… I dunno, maybe 2PM?


Further reading:
Most links go back to Tim Ferriss’ site. Tim has written extensively on escaping technology and work to enjoy life, and I’ve found that he is one of the best resources on the topic.

• How 1 Day Off Can Help Your Career at The Muse – Dr. Matthew Sleeth worked constantly in emergency medicine with little breaks. Learn about his book (advocating the 24/6 work week) and how he and many others started taking a full day off, feeling renewed enthusiasm for work. If you take one day off and live to 70, that means you’ve spent roughly 10 years relaxing, having fun, and being with family.

• Preventing Burnout: A Cautionary Tale at The Four Hour Work Week Blog – Charlie Hoehn, who used to be Tim Ferriss’ assistant and go-to helper for publishing The Four Hour Body, talks about his reliance on work to be thought of as “good”. Also: how he burnt out many times with associated panic attacks, uncontrollable shaking, crying, and feeling like he was about to die.

• How to Cure Anxiety – One Workaholic’s Story, Six Techniques That Work at The Four Hour Work Week Blog – Charlie talks about 6 simple things he started doing that helped alleviate his stress and anxiety. No, they weren’t meditation, yoga, or therapy (though he tried all of them). Almost everything was FREE or if not, extremely cheap.

• The Choice-Minimal Lifestyle: 6 Formulas for More Output and Less Overwhelm at The Four Hour Work Week Blog – Tim’s article on the 6 rules/guidelines he uses for decision making and greatly reducing his stress, so he can save his energy for the more important things.

• Understanding the Dangers of “Ego-Depletion” at The Four Hour Work Week Blog – Dan Ariely, Professor of psychology and behavioral economics at Duke University, talks all about knowing ego depletion and what it can do to you. Also: some experiments that have been done to examine decision making. Surprisingly, using brain power to make a silly decision before another more important decision makes it easier for us to give in to the bad option in the important decision.

• How to be More Productive by Not Being Productive at Crew – I re-read this article every few weeks. It talks about how the best people (e.g. star athletes and musicians) only output 4.5 hours of work a day, and how humans can do a maximum of 6 hours of productive work in one day (think about THAT when you’re trying to burn for 10-12 hours).



Also a reminder – why are you trying to be productive? What’s the real reason behind getting things done faster? Is it so you can do more work, or so that you can go live your life?

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8 Simple Tips for Increasing Your Luck in Life

Luck is described by definition as “the things that happen to a person because of chance; the accidental way things happen without being planned.” So speaking in the strictest technical terms, there’s really nothing you can do to change your luck.

But that doesn’t stop most of us from trying!

Whether you believe in the power of changing your own fortune, you’re superstitious, or you simply take a different view on what exactly constitutes luck, odds are you’ve tried at one point or another to influence what happens to you seemingly by chance.



8 Tips for Increasing Your Luck in Life

Ultimately, arguing whether or not it can truly be done won’t get anyone anywhere.

Here are some simple tips for successfully increasing your luck in life.


1) Avoid Discouragement

One of the simplest keys to facilitating good luck is not to succumb to discouragement due to bad luck.

Move Me Quotes is a wonderful place to look for people who like to find inspiration and new perspectives from famous figures. And at that site, a list of quotes for positive thinking has a few different selections that speak to this idea of avoiding discouragement.

Perhaps best among them is John Wooden’s wise, almost Yogi Berra-esque quote:“Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.”

In other words, if you strive to make the most of a situation, even if it’s not an ideal one, you tend to increase the odds of things working out well in the long run. This is certainly one way to look at luck.


2) Collect Friends & Allies
Not all luck has to do with other people, but a great deal of what we’d call good fortune in life really comes down to good favours from good friends.

This is not to say that you should look to network your whole life simply to build up group of acquaintances who might one day facilitate “luck” when you need it most.

But by making and maintaining friendships, being kind to family members, neighbours and colleagues, etc., you can certainly put yourself in a better position to receive help if and when you need it one day.

Whether or not you call it luck is up to you, but the fact remains that receiving assistance from a friend in a time of need is better than the alternative!


3) Always Throw Your Hat In The Ring
The idea here is that if you don’t at least give yourself the opportunity to get lucky, you definitely won’t get lucky.

This is arguably the most significant thing to keep in mind in attempting to improve your fortunes—so much so that it’s even mentioned with regard to activities with notoriously long odds for luck.

At Lottoland, an online source for various online lotteries, there are a few different magazine articles that have been written about how to improve your shot at winning a lottery. One such article talks about odds and ends while referencing the famous Norman Vincent Peale quote, “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you’ll land among the stars.”

The idea there is that by aiming for a jackpot (the moon) you can sometimes also put yourself in the running for smaller prizes (the stars). The same principle holds up pretty consistently as a metaphor for everyday life.

4) Keep Your Eyes Open

This one is straightforward: a lot of people with optimistic outlooks and “lucky” histories will tell you that one of the keys to good fortune is seizing good luck when it’s available. Sometimes a lucky turn is right in front of us, and we’re either unable or unwilling to see it.

5) Face Your Fears

“Fortune favours the bold” is a common saying, and some may view it as a relatively hollow one. Yet when you think about it as a psychological perspective rather than a recipe for good fortune, it begins to make a lot more sense.

Inc. took on this topic in a piece on different ways to actually increase your luck, and clarified that the idea of fortune favouring the bold largely comes down to the idea of facing our fears. When you take on a task that scares you or makes you apprehensive, you may not be any likelier to fully succeed.

But because you were apprehensive to begin with, you’re more likely to view any degree of success as a lucky outcome.


6) Prepare For Optimism

Many would argue that the foundation of good luck is an optimistic outlook.

In other words, people who are inclined to be optimistic are simply more likely to view a given event or outcome as a bit of good fortune, rather than something neutral. So it’s possible that the best way to position yourself for good luck is to practice optimism.

This could mean anything from getting more sleep and focusing on personal well-being, to trying to be kinder and more enthusiastic.


7) Believe In Routine

Superstition is closely related to the belief in luck, but it usually just comes down to routine.

To get an idea of just how important this is to some very successful people, just take a look through this list of superstitious athletes including Michael Jordan, Wade Boggs, and Serena Williams.

Williams in particular goes about her business on the tennis court according to an extremely strict routine of little things, such as how many times to bounce a ball before a serve.

She’s mentioned slipping up on this routine as a reason for some of her losses over the years, and whether or not that’s the case it’s easy to see the psychology of it. When you believe in routine to this extent, sticking to it can make you feel lined up for luck.


8) Trust The Little Voice

A lot of discussions about luck ultimately come down to the idea of trusting your gut.

To some extent, this lines up with the idea of facing fears and being bold; often it’s the gut instinct that wants to be bold, and the reasonable mind that prevails and encourages more conservative action.

Aside from the idea of just being bold, the idea here is to trust your gut, or listen to the little voice inside your head that tells you, before you even have a chance to think about it, what the right decision is. Instinct is a valuable ally, and one that can often lead you down a path of good fortune.



There are still no guarantees for luck in life. If there were, we wouldn’t call it luck! But by paying attention to these tips and enacting the suggestions in your day-to-day life, you may find that you stumble across a little bit more luck in the future.

Have anything to add to this article? Leave a comment below.

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Kobe Bryant’s Powerful Letter to His 17 Year Old Self

The All-Star basketball legend Kobe Bryant shares his letter to his 17-year old self.

Kobe’s letter is below:

Dear 17-year-old self,

When your Laker dream comes true tomorrow, you need to figure out a way to invest in the future of your family and friends. This sounds simple, and you may think it’s a no-brainer, but take some time to think on it further.

I said INVEST.

I did not say GIVE.

Let me explain.

Purely giving material things to your siblings and friends may appear to be the right decision. You love them, and they were always there for you growing up, so it’s only right that they should share in your success and all that comes with it. So you buy them a car, a big house, pay all of their bills. You want them to live a beautiful, comfortable life, right?

But the day will come when you realize that as much as you believed you were doing the right thing, you were actually holding them back.

You will come to understand that you were taking care of them because it made YOU feel good, it made YOU happy to see them smiling and without a care in the world — and that was extremely selfish of you. While you were feeling satisfied with yourself, you were slowly eating away at their own dreams and ambitions. You were adding material things to their lives, but subtracting the most precious gifts of all: independence and growth.

Understand that you are about to be the leader of the family, and this involves making tough choices, even if your siblings and friends do not understand them at the time.

Invest in their future, don’t just give.

Use your success, wealth and influence to put them in the best position to realize their own dreams and find their true purpose. Put them through school, set them up with job interviews and help them become leaders in their own right. Hold them to the same level of hard work and dedication that it took for you to get to where you are now, and where you will eventually go.

I’m writing you now so that you can begin this process immediately, and so that you don’t have to deal with the hurt and struggle of weaning them off of the addiction that you facilitated. That addiction only leads to anger, resentment and jealousy from everybody involved, including yourself.

As time goes on, you will see them grow independently and have their own ambitions and their own lives, and your relationship with all of them will be much better as a result.

There’s plenty more I could write to you, but at 17, I know you don’t have the attention span to sit through 2,000 words.

The next time I write to you, I may touch on the challenges of mixing blood with business. The most important advice I can give to you is to make sure your parents remain PARENTS and not managers.

Before you sign that first contract, figure out the right budget for your parents — one that will allow them to live beautifully while also growing your business and setting people up for long-term success. That way, your children’s kids and their kids will be able to invest in their own futures when the time comes.

Your life is about to change, and things are about to come at you very fast. But just let this sink in a bit when you lay down at night after another nine-hour training day.

Trust me, setting things up right from the beginning will avoid a ton of tears and heartache, some of which remains to this day.

Much love,

Kobe

KOBE BRYANT / LOS ANGELES LAKERS

Article Originally appeared on: The Players Tribune

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