These Mistakes Are Costing You Your Happiness in Life

I want you to ask yourself something: Are you genuinely happy? Take a moment to honestly think about that. Have you genuinely found happiness in life?

If your answer is no, or even maybe, let’s talk about the reasons why you aren’t happy, and the mistakes you might be making unknowingly that are costing you happiness.

1) You Haven’t Transformed Your Inner Critic into Your Inner Coach

The first mistake you might be making that is costing you your happiness is that you haven’t successfully transformed your inner critic into your inner coach.

Research indicates that, on average, people talk to themselves about 50,000 times a day. Unfortunately, most of that self-talk is about yourself, and according to the psychological researchers, it is about 80% negative.

Some examples of this might be:
“I shouldn’t have said that.”
“I don’t like the way my hair looks today.”
“I’ll never lose weight.”
“I can never seem to get organized.”

… and the list goes on.

We know from this research that these thoughts have a powerful effect on us. Our negative thoughts actually control our behavior.

The first thing you have to do if you want to find happiness in life, is put a muzzle on that inner critic and transform it into an encouraging, loving, and positive inner coach.

One of the most powerful exercises for retraining your inner critic is to teach it to tell you the total truth. Just like your parents disciplined you for your own good, your inner critic really has your best interests in mind when it is criticizing you. It wants you to get the benefit of the better behavior. The problem is that it tells you only part of the truth.

Whenever you hear a part of you judging yourself, simply reply,

“Thank you for caring. What is your fear? What specifically do you want me to do? How will this serve me? and Thank you.”

Do not let the seeming simplicity of this technique fool you. It is very powerful if you use it.

2) You’re Letting Your Limiting Beliefs Control You

Another mistake you might unknowingly be making and therefore sabotaging your own happiness is allowing yourself to be controlled by your limiting beliefs.

Many of us have beliefs that limit our success -- whether they are beliefs about our own capabilities, beliefs about what it takes to succeed, or even beliefs about how we should relate with other people.

Moving beyond your limiting beliefs is a critical step toward becoming happier and more successful.
Learn How to Find Happiness in Life in 4 Steps

To do this, you must first believe that you are capable of accomplishing your goals and that you are capable of being happy.

Here is a simple but powerful four-step process you can use to transform any limiting belief into an empowering belief:

Step 1: Identify a limiting belief that you want to change.

Step 2: Determine how that belief limits you.

Step 3: Decide how you would rather be, act, or feel. And…

Step 4: Create a turnaround statement that affirms or gives you permission to be, act, or feel this new way.

For example, a negative belief might be: “If I express my true feelings, people will think I’m weak and take advantage of me.”

The turnaround belief would then be:

“The more I express my true feelings, the more people love, respect, and support me.”

Once you have created a new belief, you will need to implant it into your subconscious mind through constant repetition for 2 or 3 minutes several times a day for a minimum of 30 days.

In conclusion, keeping these 2 possible mistakes in mind (listening to your inner critic without retraining it to be your inner coach and letting yourself be controlled by your unconscious limiting beliefs). Make a list of any beliefs that might be limiting you and follow the steps outlined above.

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If You’re Not Failing, You’re Not Succeeding

Failure. It’s not a word that makes you think about good things, right?

Nobody wants to fail. But some tolerate it better than others. And some are so paralyzed by the thought of failing that they take few risks in life.

You’ve heard of Hershey’s chocolate? Of course. It’s one of the biggest candy companies in the world, with 14,800 employees and $7.1 billion in revenues.

It’s also a typical entrepreneur story: Milton Hershey started as an apprentice in a candy shop at age 14. At 18, he opened his own shop in Philadelphia. It went out of business six years later. He moved to Denver and took a job at a candy company where he learned to make caramel, then moved to New York City and opened another candy business. It also failed. At age 28, broke, he attempted yet another business. It worked. The Lancaster Caramel Company eventually became a leading U.S. maker of caramels and paved the way for the giant success of what is now The Hersey Company.

It’s evident that Milton Hershey learned from his failures and used that knowledge as he continued to strive for success.

The general public usually sees or knows only about the success. And people who wish to be successful will often study only success stories. But failure has a great value to the entrepreneur. And it’s failure’s place in your success that I want to discuss.
Emotional Education

In childhood and schooling, rather than learning from our mistakes, what we “learn” is that mistakes result in punishment: low grades, exclusion, humiliation and the rest.

We may become afraid of doing anything unless we’re absolutely sure of the outcome. But doing anything entrepreneurial means getting over that fear.

Entrepreneurs act. They have good noses for opportunity and may take off on a new venture without having to know everything about it. They “jump off the cliff and build the plane on the way down.”

People who take action and succeed make the most mistakes. They make mistakes and learn from them.

People who fear making mistakes—who have to know everything and have it all in place before they do anything—never take action.

No offense to straight-A students but often what you’re seeing when you look at one is someone who figured out how to make the least mistakes.

So, what’s the difference? The straight-A student has been educated logically, whereas the entrepreneur may also be educated logically but is most definitely educated emotionally: they know what fear is but they don’t let it stop them.
Entrepreneur Lessons

If you want to become a doctor or lawyer, there are certain, definite steps you take: You go to college. Get a degree. Go to law school or medical school. Pass the bar or complete a residency. It may not be easy but at least you don’t have to figure out the “how.” It’s a well-paved road. All you’ve got to do is walk it.

But what if you’ve got a million-dollar idea? What if you don’t want to follow the known route and become a doctor, lawyer, teacher? (All very valuable professions, by the way.)

In his book, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, author T. Harv Eker gives what I think is the best definition of an entrepreneur: “a person who solves problems for people at a profit.”

Solving those problems, particularly in this high-tech world, often means bringing things into being that did not exist before. It can involve great risk. It can also lead to potentially great reward.

Few of us are raised or schooled in how to become a entrepreneurial success. There is no well-paved road. The entrepreneur paves it as he or she goes along.

The point I am driving towards is that by its nature, being an entrepreneur means there will likely be mistakes … things that don’t quite work out. You’re doing something that you’ve never done before. If you learn from your mistakes, you are one step closer to success.
The Failure Convention

How well-recognized is the value of failure in entrepreneurial business undertakings?

So much so that there is an entire convention devoted to the analysis of it.

FailCon is “a one-day conference for technology entrepreneurs, investors, developers and designers to study their own and others’ failures and prepare for success.” It was founded in San Francisco in 2009. FailCon events now occur in over a dozen cities in the U.S., Europe, and the Middle East.

Several hundred tech start-up newbies attend a FailCon to hear industry veterans talk about their worst failures, in segments with titles like “How to Build a Dysfunctional Team” and “Survive Your Fundraising Trainwrecks” and attend round-table discussions.

Interestingly, In 2014, the San Francisco FailCon was canceled. In the New York Times, Cassandra Phillipps, the founder of FailCon, said that it was partly because the idea of expecting and learning from failure had become so pervasive in Silicon Valley (a primary hotbed of start-up activity) that there wasn’t much demand for a seminar about it.

And there are companies like Fail Forward, a business consulting service that acknowledges that it’s “possible to use our inevitable failures to inspire innovation” and…become more…resilient.”

Once a taboo subject, it seems failure has come out of the business closet.
Final Thought

My point is not to celebrate failure or suggest anyone give up because failure is inevitable. Rather, it’s to show that failure is a part of the process of success.

If you’re not yet a success, it may be due to, as Cashflow Quadrants author Robert Kiyosaki observed, a failure to fail enough times.

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Do You Make These 10 Mistakes in a Conversation?

Can you improve your conversation skills? Certainly.

It might take a while to change the conversation habits that’s been ingrained throughout your life, but it is very possible.

To not make this article longer than necessary let’s just skip right to some common mistakes many of us have made in conversations and a couple of solutions.

And if you want more in-depth training then join us in my 12-week, step-by-step Smart Social Skills Course where I share the very best things I have learned in the past 8 years about improving social skills and relationship habits.

Not listening
Ernest Hemingway once said:

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”

Don’t be like most people. Don’t just wait eagerly for your turn to talk. Put your own ego on hold. Learn to really listen to what people actually are saying.

When you start to really listen, you’ll pick up on loads of potential paths in the conversation. But avoid yes or no type of questions as they will not give you much information. If someone mentions that they went fishing with a couple of friends last weekend you can for instance ask:
Where did you go fishing?
What do you like most about fishing?
What did you do there besides fishing?

The person will delve deeper into the subject giving you more information to work with and more paths for you choose from.

If they say something like: “Oh, I don’t know” at first, don’t give up. Prod a little further. Ask again. They do know, they just have to think about a bit more. And as they start to open up the conversation becomes more interesting because it’s not on auto-pilot anymore.

Asking too many questions

If you ask too many questions the conversation can feel like a bit of an interrogation. Or like you don’t have that much too contribute. One alternative is to mix questions with statements. Continuing the conversation above you could skip the question and say:
Yeah, it’s great to just get out with your friends and relax over the weekend. We like to take a six-pack out to the park and play some Frisbee golf.
Nice. We went out in my friend’s boat last month and I tried these new lures from Sakamura. The blue ones were really great.

And then the conversation can flow on from there. And you can discuss Frisbee golf, the advantages/disadvantages of different lures or your favourite beer.

Tightening up

When in conversation with someone you just meet or when the usual few topics are exhausted an awkward silence or mood might appear. Or you might just become nervous not knowing exactly why.
Leil Lowndes once said: “Never leave home without reading the newspaper”. If you’re running out of things to say, you can always start talking about the current news. It’s also good to stay updated on current water cooler-topics. Like what happened on the latest episode of Lost.
Comment on the aquarium at the party, or that one girl’s cool Halloween-costume or the host’s mp3-playlist. You can always start new conversations about something in your surroundings.
Assume rapport. If you feel nervous or weird when meeting someone for the first time assume rapport. What that means is that you imagine how you feel when you meet one of your best friends. And pretend that this new acquaintance is one of your best friends. Don’t overdo it though, you might not want to hug and kiss right away. But if you imagine this you’ll go into a positive emotional state. And you’ll greet and start talking to this new person with a smile and a friendly and relaxed attitude. Because that’s how you talk to your friends. It might sound a bit loopy or too simple. But it really works.

Poor delivery

One of the most important things in a conversation is not what you say, but how you say it. A change in these habits can make a big difference since your voice and body language is a vital part of communication. Some things to think about:
Slowing down. When you get excited about something it’s easy to start talking faster and faster. Try and slow down. It will make it much easier for people to listen and for you actually get what you are saying across to them.
Speaking up. Don’t be afraid to talk as loud as you need to for people to hear you.
Speaking clearly. Don’t mumble.
Speak with emotion. No one listens for that long if you speak with a monotone voice. Let your feelings be reflected in your voice.
Using pauses. Slowing down your talking plus adding a small pause between thoughts or sentences creates a bit of tension and anticipation. People will start to listen more attentively to what you’re saying. Listen to one of Brian Tracys cds or Steve Pavlina’s podcasts. Listen to how using small pauses makes what they are saying seem even more interesting.
Learn a bit about improving your body language as it can make your delivery a lot more effective. Read about laughter, posture and how to hold your drink in 18 ways to improve your body language.

Hogging the spot-light

I’ve been guilty of this one on more occasions than I wish to remember. Everyone involved in a conversation should get their time in the spotlight. Don’t interrupt someone when they are telling some anecdote or their view on what you are discussing to divert the attention back to yourself. Don’t hijack their story about skiing before it’s finished to share your best skiing-anecdote. Find a balance between listening and talking.

Having to be right

Avoid arguing and having to being right about every topic. Often a conversation is not really a discussion. It’s a more of a way to keep a good mood going. No one will be that impressed if you “win” every conversation. Instead just sit back, relax and help keep the good feelings going.

Talking about a weird or negative topic

If you’re at a party or somewhere were you are just getting to know some people you might want to avoid some topics. Talking about your bad health or relationships, your crappy job or boss, serial killers, technical lingo that only you and some other guy understands or anything that sucks the positive energy out of the conversation are topics to steer clear from. You might also want to save religion and politics for conversations with your friends.

Being boring

Don’t prattle on about your new car for 10 minutes oblivious to your surroundings. Always be prepared to drop a subject when you start to bore people. Or when everyone is getting bored and the topic is starting to run out of steam.

One good way to have something interesting to say is simply to lead an interesting life. And to focus on the positive stuff. Don’t start to whine about your boss or your job, people don’t want to hear that. Instead, talk about your last trip somewhere, some funny anecdote that happened while you where buying clothes, your plans for New Years Eve or something funny or exciting.

Another way is just to be genuinely interested. As Dale Carnegie said:

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Which is just another way of saying that the way to make a friend is to be one.”

Knowing a little about many things or at least being open to talk about them instead of trying to steer the conversation back to your favourite subject is a nice quality.

Meaning: talking for what seems like hours about one topic. Topics may include work, favourite rock-band, TV-show and more work.

Opening up a bit and not clinging desperately to one topic will make the conversation feel more relaxed and open. You will come across like a person who can talk about many things with ease. As you’ve probably experienced with other people; this quality is something you appreciate in a conversation and makes you feel like you can connect to that person easily.


Not reciprocating

Open up and say what you think, share how you feel. If someone shares an experience, open up too and share one of your experiences. Don’t just stand there nodding and answer with short sentences. If someone is investing in the conversation they’d like you to invest too.

Like in so many areas in life, you can’t always wait for the other party to make the first move. When needed, be proactive and be the first one to open up and invest in the conversation. One way is by replacing some questions with statements. It makes you less passive and makes take a sort of stand.

Not contributing much

You might feel that you don’t have much to contribute to a conversation. But try anyway. Really listen and be interested in what the others are saying. Ask questions. Make relating statements.

Open your eyes too. Develop your observational skills to pick up interesting stuff in your surroundings to talk about. Develop your personal knowledge-bank by expanding your view of interesting things in the world. Read the newspapers and keep an eye on new water cooler-topics.

Work on your body language, how you talk and try assuming rapport to improve your communication skills.

But take it easy. Don’t do it all at once. You’ll just feel confused and overwhelmed. Instead, pick out the three most important things that you feel needs improving. Work on them every day for 3-4 weeks. Notice the difference and keep at it. Soon your new habits will start to pop up spontaneously when you are in a conversation.

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7 Counter-Intuitive Life Lessons That You Need to Know

The process of maturity allows us to look life as it really is.

The truth and nothing but.

Through that process, we learn that common sense really isn’t so common. We learn that no, you probably won’t be the greatest basketball/football/baseball player ever. We even learn that our parents are humans and they make mistakes just like us.

7 Counter-Intuitive Life Lessons That You Need to Know

As they say the truth sets you free. Here are 7 counter-intuitive life lessons that you need to know.


1. Fame. Money. Looks. Has nothing to do with confidence.

If it did we’d all be all be in trouble. Confidence isn’t a privilege and it’s never guaranteed. Winning the lottery and becoming a millionaire the next day isn’t going to make you any more confident than you are now.

Some might say I’m wrong, that winning the lottery will indeed make them more confident. Okay. What about when you lose all the money?

Tying your confidence levels to the a dollar amount, looks that can fade, or likes on social media isn’t healthy. Those are wells that can run empty at any time. True confidence is based internally, on things nobody can take from you.


2. It’s not worth trying to get people who don’t like you to like you.

It’s too much time and effort that might not even lead to any payoff.

Not to mention the mental and emotional stress and chasing somebody who doesn’t like you. With the time and energy you spend on trying to get people who don’t like you to like you, you can get at least 3 other people to like you.

Be positive, be kind, and leave it at that.


3. It’s better to be really good at two things than the best at one thing.

Neil Degrasse Tyson, for example. Fluent in the field of advanced astrophysics, but not quite at the top. Yet he has had considerable success in spite of it. All due to the fact that he has the ability to break down such a complicated topic and make it entertaining to the average person.

Derek Halpern of Social Triggers. Great marketer and a fantastic public speaker. His main discipline was in digital marketing, but he branched off into public speaking. This allowed him to grow his brand into the multi-million dollar business it is today.


This is because once you get to a certain level, your growth starts to level out. It becomes harder and harder to get to that next level. So differentiate yourself. Develop another skill.


4. The less you need something, the more it’ll present itself to you.

Startups with strong sales without any venture capital will have venture capitalists throwing money at them.

The prospect with recruiters hounding them for an interview will only continue to see that number of recruiters grow. When you don’t need your chap-stick, you see it all over the place. When you need it, however, it’s nowhere to be found.

People who need rarely get what they want.

5. It’s better to be selfish now so you can be selfless later.

“…FIRST TAKE THE PLANK OUT OF YOUR OWN EYE, AND THEN YOU WILL SEE CLEARLY TO REMOVE THE SPECK FROM YOUR BROTHER’S EYE.” – MATTHEW 7:5

On air-planes they instruct parents, in case of an emergency, to first put on oxygen masks on themselves before attending to their children.

This is for the children’s benefit.

If you can’t take care of yourself, how can you take care of others?

There’s only so much you can do as a broke college student. You might be able to go to South America and help build a house or a school for underprivileged children, but it’s far more effective for you to selfish first.

Once you’ve established your reputation and your wealth, you can do far more for those underprivileged children than you ever could have had you neglected your “selfish” goals.


6. The day you accept the fact everything will end is the day you stop taking everything for granted.

Stoics such as Marcus Aurelius pondered their own mortality frequently. They were attuned to the limited amount of the time they and everybody and everything else had on this earth. This evolved into a deep appreciation for the each breathe gifted to them.

Worrying or complaining about circumstances fades into the backdrop of inevitable mortality. So smile as you tackle on your challenges.


7. Help people that can’t help you today.

Guy Kawasaki used to give stories to journalists coming from small time newspapers and magazines when he was with Apple. He could’ve easily gone to the big dogs such as The New York Times or The Wall Street Journal.

Instead he built those relationships up so when those journalists did work at The New York Times or The Wall Street Journal, he had an inside contact.

Those contacts came in handy when Apple wasn’t doing so well, and journalists weren’t waiting hand and foot for a story.

Not everybody you help will be kind enough to repay the favor. So do it because you’re a good person and don’t expect much out of it. Only then will you be pleasantly surprised.


Conclusion

Some of these truths present themselves to us too late in life and we could’ve avoided a mistake or two had we been aware of them. I made the mistake many years ago of basing my confidence on silly things such as clothes and looks.

Maybe you can relate.

Maybe you can also relate how you’re in a much better spot now now that you’ve learned to base your confidence on what can’t be taken away from you.

There are going to be many more truths that’ll reveal themselves to you later on in life.

To recap here are 7 of those:
Fame. Money. Looks. Has nothing to do with confidence.
It’s not worth trying to get people who don’t like you to like you
It’s better to be really good at two things than the best at one thing
The less you need something, the more it’ll present itself to you
It’s better to be selfish now so you can be selfless later
The day you accept the fact everything will end is the day you stop taking everything for granted
Help people that can’t help you today

Oh, and one more. Santa Claus isn’t real.
What are some counter-intuitive life lesson you’ve learned? I would love to hear from you.

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10 Bill Gates Tips to Becoming Successful & Wealthy

Bill Gates is the richest man in the world, after founding Microsoft in 1975. He is now worth $76 billion, as Microsoft has risen to create the number 1 operating system brand Windows, which has been re-developed several times.

Microsoft also created Xbox, which has become one of the most popular, if not the most popular gaming system in the world.

I’ve scoured the net and compiled a list of 10 Bill Gates tips that he has given to people at one point or another in his life time, to show them what it takes to become successful and wealthy. He is the wealthiest man in the world after all, so you’d be pretty stupid not to listen to what he says!

1) Start as Early as Possible

Bill Gates was only 13 years old when he started working with computers. When you start something at an early point in your life, you become molded around it. Not only will you have a chance of becoming successful sooner than most people, but you would also be less likely to want to give up.

If you’ve had a dream that you start working towards when you’re young, you will be more immune to people telling you what you can or can’t do. By the time you’re an adult and people actually start to take more notice of what you’re working towards, you will be stubborn enough to just ignore them.

The time that you’re most influenced by others is when you’re younger, so if you’ve seen things on T.V or on the internet where others have become successful, this will be imprinted in your mind and you won’t have doubt about what you can or can’t do.

2) Enter in Partnerships

Bill Gates was very fond of forming partnerships with people, people who were the top dog and that made Gates become the ‘Sidekick’. He was happy with this, because it unlocked new opportunities for him and the potential to learn from other successful entrepreneurs who could teach him a thing or two.

Not only that, but it meant that he built relationships with people that would definitely be able to help him out with his future endeavors.


3) You Will Not Make $60,000 a Year Right out of High School

Let’s be honest, you’re not going to make $60,000 a year straight out of high school, so if for some reason you think you will, stop kidding yourself. No matter how much education you have, you still need experience to work your way at the top.

You won’t get appointed CEO of a multi-national company just because you have a degree in business management.

That’s a position that you need to earn, by either starting your own company and working hard to take it to the top, or working your way up within a company and proving yourself to people.


4) Be Your Own Boss as Soon as Possible

Bill Gates became a boss at a fairly early age. He deserved it, and it put him in an excellent position with pure control over his success.

“IF YOU DON’T BUILD YOUR DREAM, SOMEONE ELSE WILL HIRE YOU TO BUILD THEIRS.” – BILL GATES

5) Don’t Whine About Your Mistakes, Learn from Them

“IF YOU MESS UP, IT’S NOT YOUR PARENTS’ FAULT, SO DON’T WHINE ABOUT YOUR MISTAKES, LEARN FROM THEM.” – BILL GATES

What is the pointing in blaming other people for your mistakes? Who are you trying to fool? Your mistakes are on you, they are not anyone else’s fault, so stop blaming other people just to try and rid your conscience of guilt.

Mistakes are made to be learnt from. You now know what or what not to do in the same situation when it rolls around for a second time and believe me, in most cases it will roll around again.

6) Be Committed and Passionate

I think this is always included by every entrepreneur as a good bit of advice. You need to be committed to what you love and have great passion for what you do.

The successful people in this world make it look so easy because they absolutely love what they are doing. If you’re finding things too stressful and too hard, then I’m not sure you’re working on the right thing.


7) Life is the Best School, Not University or College

No matter how many books you read, no matter how many tests you take, nothing from university or college can properly prepare you for life in the real world.

“IF YOU THINK YOUR TEACHER IS TOUGH, WAIT UNTIL YOU GET A BOSS. HE DOESN’T HAVE TENURE.” – BILL GATES

Real life jobs and bosses does not just involve you studying and them teaching you. It’s real life work that you need to be able to carry out, otherwise you will be fired. End of.


8) Be Nice to Nerds

“BE NICE TO NERDS. CHANCES ARE YOU’LL END UP WORKING FOR ONE.” – BILL GATES

It’s true, people who you’d probably class as ‘nerds’ are actually the ones who will work the hardest, be the smartest, and be determined to succeed.

If you’re horrible to nerds then you’re basically taking your chances with fate, because you could easily end up working for one, or even apply for a position at a company who is run by someone you know and have been horrible to in the past.

Still think you have a chance of getting the job?


9) TV is Not Real Life

“TELEVISION IS NOT REAL LIFE. IN REAL LIFE PEOPLE ACTUALLY HAVE TO LEAVE THE COFFEE SHOP AND GO TO JOBS.” –BILL GATES

You need to stop getting sucked into Television and believing that what you’re seeing in some cases may actually be what people do in real life.

Real life is tough and anybody who’s anywhere near successful will not be sitting around in coffee shops all day talking to their friends. They will be out working the grind to pay their bills and improve their financial situation.


10) Life is Not Fair

“LIFE IS NOT FAIR. GET USED TO IT.” – BILL GATES

No matter how hard you work in life, there will always be times where things don’t go your way, perhaps through no fault of your own. Things that you cannot control. You will get knocked down, but you need to be able to stand up.

Life isn’t fair. It’s a test, a game, a risk. If you fall down and don’t bother getting back up, you don’t deserve to be successful. Winners know that life isn’t fair and they will keep getting back up until they’ve made it.

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Tired of Never Being “Good Enough?” 4 Ways to Kill your Inner Critic

Does that voice in your head ever make you feel like you’re not good enough?

I’ve been there and it sucks. When I launched a startup I used to constantly feel impatient, frustrated and inadequate because I wasn’t achieving “massive success.” I fooled myself into thinking that I would only be good enough once I reached some “successful” milestone in the future. This perspective only increased the feelings of impatience and frustration and it turned into a vicious cycle of negative thinking.

Don’t make the same mistake.

Do you really want to spend your short life worrying about when you will be good enough rather than being comfortable with yourself now?

Today I want to share 4 powerful mental habits that you can use to break away from this negative cycle and that I learned the hard way.

Habit #1: Have Self-Compassion

Shame is a dangerous emotion. It can easily become a part of your identity if you’re not careful. When you identify yourself with tiny mistakes or over-analyse situations that make yourself feel guilty, it can easily lead to shame.

When things weren’t going as planned in my business, I used to think that it was because I wasn’t good enough. Although I knew to analyse the different factors of the business to realise where things were going wrong, I always pointed the finger at myself first!

If I could have done it all over again, I would’ve given myself way more compassion.


How to Practice Self-Compassion

Having self-compassion is important because it gives you permission to fail. Making “failure” acceptable will give you the confidence to take risks and try new things.

If you’ve been thinking about an experience you’ve been wanting to try, go into it giving yourself permission to fail and being compassionate with yourself if you do. This will remove the importance of the outcomes and will help you enjoy the actual experience.

A great tactic to make sure you’re practising self-compassion is to role-play with yourself. Pretend that the issue you’re berating yourself about is actually an issue that a friend has.

How would you advise that friend? Would you call them a loser and make them feel low or would you encourage them to give themselves a second chance?

When you begin getting down on yourself or you hear that negative self-talk trigger, think about yourself and treat yourself as a friend. Give yourself the much needed compassion and support to simply do better next time.


Habit #2: Be grateful for what you’ve got

Like the famous Sheryl Crow line goes: “It’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got.”

When you’re focused on what you don’t have or what you’re not achieving, you discount your past success.

If you’re constantly telling yourself that you’ll be good enough once you reach a certain career milestone or have a certain amount of money in your bank account, you will fail to enjoy the path that you’re currently on. You’re essentially “living in the future.”

Being grateful for your current situation, no matter what state it is in will make you feel more comfortable with yourself. Beyond that, gratitude has also been reported to strengthen immune systems, lower blood pressure, and increase levels of positive emotions in people.

It may sound cheesy, but I like to start my day with a short meditation focusing on gratitude. The reason that I’ve made this meditation a habit is because it achieves two important things: having gratitude and presence.
Easy 3-Step Meditative Practice:
Gratitude for the people in my life– this keeps me grounded and reminds me of all the supportive people in my life
Gratitude for the small stuff– I then like to think about minor things that make me happy or that I take for granted. Things like the birds chirping outside my window, running water, food and shelter, even silly things like my favourite TV shows!
Gratitude for the big stuff– I also like to think about the endless opportunities in life that I have access to, like hobbies I’m passionate about, volunteer activities and other cool things I can live and learn from! Other things I may take for granted such as freedom and health are important things to be grateful for every single day.

You can use this same practice and tweak it to your own life. It will help focus your mind on the what you should be grateful for and it will bring you back into the now!

Habit #3: Focus on Small Wins

Setting goals is a great way to focus your mind and energy towards achievement to kill that inner self-doubt. Studies have also shown that setting goals can increase intrinsic motivation.

A hack that I like to use to build confidence is setting up small wins. You can do this by setting smaller, specific, achievable goals. Tracking a series of small wins can lead you to a long-term goal systematically. It also propels success by feeding off of the momentum of each small win, making you feel excited and motivated at every win.
Here’s an example:

I always wanted to start my own blog but it always felt really daunting. To get started, I made a small goal of getting at least 20 subscribers within one month.

Knowing that I was working towards a very specific goal made starting a blog more real, it gave me a reason to launch it and work on it consistently. Although the goal seemed small, I remember how ecstatic I was when I achieved it. It got me motivated to continue writing and I proved to myself that I could do it!

When you are setting goals to help you achieve small wins remember to be specific, have a deadline, make them achievable and track them. When you achieve those small wins be sure to celebrate them with gusto!

Habit #4: Visualisation

Visualisation is not mumbo jumbo. Top athletes and entrepreneurs use visualisation to help prime their brains for success. The reason why it works is because you’re activating a series of connected nuclei in your brain called the “reticular activating system.”

In short, the RAS controls your belief system and links the unconscious and conscious parts of your brain. It helps filter out the tons of information you are exposed to, narrowing your brain’s focus only on the information that is deemed important by you.

For example, have you ever been at a busy airport but still hear your name through the intercom or someone shouting for you? That’s because your RAS has been primed to pay special attention to something important, your first name. It then turns all the other noise around you into “background noise.”

Visualising helps prime your brain for success by cuing the RAS to focus on things that matter to you.
How to Visualise

A handy visualisation exercise I like to use is imagining my “ideal future.” I like to vividly imagine a variety of things like what I’ll be doing, with whom, in what location and even imagine the way I’ll internally feel.

By doing this exercise, my brain is now focused on the things I can be doing to achieve this “ideal future.” I’d love to work from anywhere in the world, so I imagine myself blogging away on a white-sand beach. Since my brain has been primed with that vision, I’ve become hyper-aware of experiences and stories that I can channel into blog posts because I’ve trained my brain to focus on achieving that ideal goal!

The interesting thing about visualisation is that it can be as powerful as actually doing what you’re thinking. In a fascinating study, piano players were divided in two groups. One group was told to physically practice, while the other was told to “mentally” practice by sitting in front of the piano and visualise playing it.

The takeaway was that in both groups there were identical physical changes in the brain and after three days their piano playing accuracy was exactly the same, regardless of how they practice.

Start visualising the future you want so your brain can help you focus on the things that will get you there!


Conclusion

Being able to control that voice in your head can make a huge difference in your life. That voice has the power to hold you back from success, from living life to your fullest and so much more! By practising the mental habits of self-compassion, gratitude, focusing on goals and visualisation you can get over your self-doubt and negative self-talk.

Source

10 Qualities of Emotionally Intelligent Individuals

What is that one quality, that intangible quality, which makes some people more successful than others?

Could it be intelligence? Do some people just have a higher IQ than others?

Maybe. However, that doesn’t seem to be the whole story.

In early studies, people of average IQ outperformed people with a high IQ 70% of the time.

Recently, researchers have been able to detect something called Emotional Intelligence (EI), which is a much more accurate predictor of success.

10 Qualities of Emotionally Intelligent Individuals

Although emotional intelligence is hard to define, there are some qualities that are typical of people with high emotional intelligence.

Here are the 10 qualities of emotionally intelligent individuals. Check them out, and see how many of these important qualities you possess:

1. You Are NOT A Perfectionist

If you are emotionally intelligent, then you know that perfection does not exist.

You reject the frustration and the sense of failure that accompany that constant striving for perfection. You are aware that perfectionism will leave you hung up on the shortcomings of others, as well as your own, and unable to enjoy your achievements.

2. You Know Your Strengths & Weaknesses

If you have high emotional intelligence, you know how to embrace your strengths and how to use these strengths in such a way to compensate for your weaknesses.

In work and in your social life, you will deliberately choose situations which bring out your strengths so that you can succeed. Whenever possible, you will also choose friends and co-workers who play to your strengths and help you with your weaknesses.

3. You Are Self-Motivated

Your motivation comes from within and not from an external source.

You do not require an extrinsic reward to accomplish your goals because the motivation comes from inside of you. You are clear about your goals and do not need reminders. You’re able to set tasks for yourself and work towards them on your own.

4. You Care About Others

People with high emotional intelligence have a lot of empathy.

That means you are curious and genuinely interested in other people and what makes them tick. You have the ability to tune into body language and facial expressions to understand people’s emotions even without words.

You like to ask questions to learn more about people and what they need. You are an active listener, which means you are disciplined in your focus and you are able to summarise their statements and questions to show that you understand.

5. You Don’t Dwell on Past Mistakes

If you have high emotional intelligence, you realise that there is nothing to be gained from holding on to the past.

You are able to remember your mistakes well enough to learn from them, but you can keep them at a sufficient distance to avoid getting bogged down in negative memories and experiences.

You recognise that regret will hold you back from fully embracing the present.

6. You’re Not Easily Distracted

You are able to be fully present in whatever task you’re doing.

You focus on completing one task at a time and don’t allow other tasks or distractions to get in the way. You recognise the difference between multi-tasking and multi-focusing.

You will not change your goals until they are accomplished or you need to alter them. You are not derailed in your goals by things like text messages or tangential thoughts.

7. You Have Good Work-Life Balance

No matter how busy you are at work or at school, you recognise the importance of making time for a social life.

You have good time management skills and a realistic idea of how long it will take you to accomplish things.

You understand that you must work very hard to achieve success, but you also know that sometimes you have to be able to disconnect completely from work obligations in order to recharge.

You may decide to turn off your phone for the weekend so that you can return to work fully rejuvenated.

8. You Know When to Say ‘No’

You have a lot of self-discipline.

Even though saying “no” may be difficult sometimes, you know your limits and recognise that you can’t do everything.

You don’t give in the impulse to agree quickly to a commitment, or to give a vague response such as “Maybe” or “I’ll think about it,” when you really just need to say “no.”

Trying to do everything can lead to stress and burnout. You set clear priorities and are aware that by refusing some commitments, you will be better able to focus on those that you already have.

9. You Don’t Fear Change

You know that the fear of change will hold you back and prevent you from achieving your goals.

Change is necessary for growth, stimulation, and success. You are always prepared and on the lookout for the next change that comes along, and you are flexible enough to adapt when necessary.

When life remains stagnant for too long, you know that you will become bored. This will actually prevent the dynamic force needed to foster emotional intelligence. You have a positive attitude towards change, and recognise that it leads to better things.

10. You Know How to Manage Your Emotions

You are able to name your emotions and figure out why something is upsetting you so that you can take positive action to resolve it.

You know that anger needs to be properly channelled, and directed towards situations and events rather than people.

You’re able to let go of negative emotions and all the potential health problems that go along with them, such as high blood pressure and heart disease.

When it’s necessary to confront a toxic person, you are able to approach the situation in a rational manner, keeping your own emotions in check. You are confident and secure enough to not get offended over trivial things.

If someone teases you about something, you are able to brush it off and even laugh along with them.

Summary

How did you do? If you are one of the lucky folks who have high Emotional Intelligence, congratulations!

You are likely to succeed in whatever you put your mind to. If you didn’t do so well, think about some of the things that you could work on.

Simple things such as writing about your strengths and weaknesses, or letting go off an old grudge could make a big difference. You can easily work on cultivating any of the above traits in order to raise your Emotional Intelligence and foster a spirit of success.

Source

10 Qualities of Emotionally Intelligent Individuals

What is that one quality, that intangible quality, which makes some people more successful than others?

Could it be intelligence? Do some people just have a higher IQ than others?

Maybe. However, that doesn’t seem to be the whole story.

In early studies, people of average IQ outperformed people with a high IQ 70% of the time.

Recently, researchers have been able to detect something called Emotional Intelligence (EI), which is a much more accurate predictor of success.

10 Qualities of Emotionally Intelligent Individuals

Although emotional intelligence is hard to define, there are some qualities that are typical of people with high emotional intelligence.

Here are the 10 qualities of emotionally intelligent individuals. Check them out, and see how many of these important qualities you possess:

1. You Are NOT A Perfectionist

If you are emotionally intelligent, then you know that perfection does not exist.

You reject the frustration and the sense of failure that accompany that constant striving for perfection. You are aware that perfectionism will leave you hung up on the shortcomings of others, as well as your own, and unable to enjoy your achievements.

2. You Know Your Strengths & Weaknesses

If you have high emotional intelligence, you know how to embrace your strengths and how to use these strengths in such a way to compensate for your weaknesses.

In work and in your social life, you will deliberately choose situations which bring out your strengths so that you can succeed. Whenever possible, you will also choose friends and co-workers who play to your strengths and help you with your weaknesses.

3. You Are Self-Motivated

Your motivation comes from within and not from an external source.

You do not require an extrinsic reward to accomplish your goals because the motivation comes from inside of you. You are clear about your goals and do not need reminders. You’re able to set tasks for yourself and work towards them on your own.

4. You Care About Others

People with high emotional intelligence have a lot of empathy.

That means you are curious and genuinely interested in other people and what makes them tick. You have the ability to tune into body language and facial expressions to understand people’s emotions even without words.

You like to ask questions to learn more about people and what they need. You are an active listener, which means you are disciplined in your focus and you are able to summarize their statements and questions to show that you understand.

5. You Don’t Dwell on Past Mistakes

If you have high emotional intelligence, you realize that there is nothing to be gained from holding on to the past.

You are able to remember your mistakes well enough to learn from them, but you can keep them at a sufficient distance to avoid getting bogged down in negative memories and experiences.

You recognize that regret will hold you back from fully embracing the present.

6. You’re Not Easily Distracted

You are able to be fully present in whatever task you’re doing.

You focus on completing one task at a time and don’t allow other tasks or distractions to get in the way. You recognize the difference between multi-tasking and multi-focusing.

You will not change your goals until they are accomplished or you need to alter them. You are not derailed in your goals by things like text messages or tangential thoughts.

7. You Have Good Work-Life Balance

No matter how busy you are at work or at school, you recognize the importance of making time for a social life.

You have good time management skills and a realistic idea of how long it will take you to accomplish things.

You understand that you must work very hard to achieve success, but you also know that sometimes you have to be able to disconnect completely from work obligations in order to recharge.

You may decide to turn off your phone for the weekend so that you can return to work fully rejuvenated.

8. You Know When to Say ‘No’

You have a lot of self-discipline.

Even though saying “no” may be difficult sometimes, you know your limits and recognize that you can’t do everything.

You don’t give in the impulse to agree quickly to a commitment, or to give a vague response such as “Maybe” or “I’ll think about it,” when you really just need to say “no.”

Trying to do everything can lead to stress and burnout. You set clear priorities and are aware that by refusing some commitments, you will be better able to focus on those that you already have.

9. You Don’t Fear Change

You know that the fear of change will hold you back and prevent you from achieving your goals.

Change is necessary for growth, stimulation, and success. You are always prepared and on the lookout for the next change that comes along, and you are flexible enough to adapt when necessary.

When life remains stagnant for too long, you know that you will become bored. This will actually prevent the dynamic force needed to foster emotional intelligence. You have a positive attitude towards change, and recognize that it leads to better things.

10. You Know How to Manage Your Emotions

You are able to name your emotions and figure out why something is upsetting you so that you can take positive action to resolve it.

You know that anger needs to be properly channeled, and directed towards situations and events rather than people.

You’re able to let go of negative emotions and all the potential health problems that go along with them, such as high blood pressure and heart disease.

When it’s necessary to confront a toxic person, you are able to approach the situation in a rational manner, keeping your own emotions in check. You are confident and secure enough to not get offended over trivial things.

If someone teases you about something, you are able to brush it off and even laugh along with them.

Summary

How did you do? If you are one of the lucky folks who have high Emotional Intelligence, congratulations!

You are likely to succeed in whatever you put your mind to. If you didn’t do so well, think about some of the things that you could work on.

Simple things such as journaling about your strengths and weaknesses, or letting go off an old grudge could make a big difference. You can easily work on cultivating any of the above traits in order to raise your Emotional Intelligence and foster a spirit of success.

Source