Feelings Aren't Facts

Often there may be a distortion, be it big or small, regarding how we see ourselves, others, or our lives in general. This distortion, or as I call it, the story we tell ourselves, frequently leads to emotional pain, increased anxiety, and potentially depression. That is because feelings aren't facts.

The phrase, feelings aren't facts, is commonly used in 12-step programs, yet it is profoundly true for all of us. This phrase uses the term, feelings, in such a way that it is not about emotions such as sadness, grief or anger. Instead it refers to our beliefs, perceptions, interpretations and thoughts. It speaks to the ways in which we experience ourselves, or others, in a subjective way.

Perception is Reality

When we say, for example, "I don't feel good enough." How could this statement not create further unease? Although others in our world may perceive us as amazing, or more than good enough, it is what we tell ourselves, even if it is not a fact, that emotionally distresses us.

This may be further exacerbated by making comparisons based on our assumptions about other people. We may tell ourselves, "That woman has got it all together. Look at her. How come I don't?" This story may also not be a fact, yet because we believe it is, it may further exacerbate, or contribute, to the wearing away of our self-esteem.

Fact or Fiction

When we operate from a place of misconception, distortion, or fiction, then we walk through the world from this place. This can produce a distortion of ourselves, of other people in our lives, or the world in general. If we function from a place of fear, anxiety or anger our perception of reality can be tainted with negativity. These painful feelings, although triggered by non-facts, can still ultimately affect us.

Another person's comment may remind us of something that occurred in our history. Accusations and judgements that occurred in our childhood, or adolescence, that were not resolved may influence our interpretation of circumstances in our current lives. The other person, and even ourselves, may have no idea this unresolved issue has influenced our perception unless this interaction is explored or clarification is sought.

We Believe What We Perceive

Our internal process, or how we internally experience or interpret something, is often more about our history as opposed to what the other person may truly mean. The stories we tell ourselves about what the other person means may negatively affect the relationship.

Often we use the word feeling for what is not a feeling. For example, I feel that you are accusing me of lying. It is important to differentiate this thought from the feelings that are triggered by it.

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How to Create a Positive Business Mindset

Plenty of people will give you tips on how to succeed in business. But one of the most permeating and effective ideas is to keep a positive mindset. If you think negatively, you'll often simply discourage yourself and give up too soon. Keeping yourself positive will encourage you to keep going, keep trying, and eventually succeed. Here are just a few ways to turn your frown upside down and jump-start your success.

Positive affirmations: This idea operates under the concept that if you repeat something enough times, you're eventually going to start believing that it's true. While it can seem silly when you get started, it's a proven method of changing your thought processes and giving you a better attitude.

There are a lot of different methods you can use for positive affirmations. A good one is to take time out of each day with a pencil and a piece of paper. Start by writing something positive about yourself. Be sure that what you write is about you, is good and affirming, and is in the present tense. You can continue by coming up with other phrases to say about yourself or by writing the same statement over and over.

To take this one step further, try writing your reactions to your statements next to them on the page. It doesn't matter if your reactions or positive or negative, it just has to be honest about how it makes you feel. Eventually, you'll see your reactions becoming more positive (or at least less negative). That helps you know that you exercises are working and changing your attitude about yourself.

Surround yourself with positives: If you are constantly surrounded by negative people who only focus on the bad things, sooner or later so will you. In your personal and professional life, try to maintain relationships with positive, affirming people. Maybe they aren't successful, but they look on the bright side and make themselves feel successful. Eventually, their good attitude will rub off on you.

Meditation: If things aren't going well for you, or you're constantly surrounded by negative people and ideas, your mind is probably full of lots of thoughts, many of which aren't good. Clearing your mind of all the hassles can help you improve your mood, and meditation is a great way to accomplish this. It also can help you sleep better, feel better physically, relieve pain, and improve concentration.

Visualization: Take a moment to think about why you're doing what you're doing. Is it to make money to buy your dream car, or is it to make enough to send your children to college? Whatever it is, keeping your goals in mind will help motivate you to work harder and keep going. It will keep you thinking about the good things that will happen from your work instead of your current setbacks.

So how do you keep these goals in your mind? Visualize them. If you can picture them, they'll be more real and tangible to you. To help you visualize, you may want to put visual aides in your work space. Find a free piece of wall space and put pictures of your goals in that space - whether it's a picture of the car you want, the house you want, or even just a picture of your children.

Depending on your personality, staying positive might take some work, but it will be worth it in the long run.

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Stop Letting Stress Bully You

If you don't learn how to control stress then it will control you. Stress kills and that doesn't just mean physically. It can have harmful effects on you physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Too many people have just accepted living "stressed out" as a way of life. But living "stressed out" causes harmful consequences.

I have a passion to educate and empower others to stress less and live happier, healthier and more fulfilled. Living overwhelmed robs us of our joy, peace, health and happiness. And many times we don't begin to recognize the effects of stress until it is too late, meaning that we might not be aware of how stress is affecting us until we begin to feel it on our body or in our mind.

You deserve to live a happier and healthier life and stress blocks that. It is extremely difficult to live an optimal life with stress always bullying you. And that is exactly what it feels like... a bully! It can overpower you and take over you if you don't conquer it.

Stress in itself is not harmful. It is our response to it that causes harmful effects. It may seem like we don't have any power over stress but we do. We may not have control over whether the stressful event happens or not but we do have control over how we respond to it. It is critical for you to learn how to respond to stress in a positive way. Dealing with stress can actually be done in a way where it is fun, energetic and relaxing.

There are many stress relieving strategies that you can begin to incorporate into your life immediately. A day stolen by stress is a day that you will never get back. That is just one reason you must decide today that you will no longer allow stress to bully you. Take your power back and let stress know who is the boss!

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Three Steps to Beating Stress

The body's natural flight or fight response to stress is designed to protect vital functions from attack until the threat is gone. It does this by pumping hormones into the blood stream, mainly cortisol. The boost in cortisol helps to heighten your alertness and shift energy to essential bodily functions, temporarily. One of the functions that has energy removed from it during stressful periods is the digestive system. The body slows down the energy required to process and digest food in the digestive tract until the stress period is over.

You may have experienced unpleasant reactions, like stomach aches and diarrhea, in your gut in response to immediate stresses. If you remain in a heightened stressful state over a long period, the elevated cortisol levels and stress-response systems can cause significant damage to your body. Stress can also make existing digestive problems worse, leading to more abdominal pain, nausea and heartburn. According to the National Institutes of Health, one in five Americans has a common and very uncomfortable digestive malady, irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), which produces pain, bloating and sometimes diarrhea and constipation.

Many of these digestive problems appear to react or to become more pronounced in response to stress events. The continuing discomfort can affect your mood and it can affect your health. In addition to IBS, you may experience indigestion as another disorder affected by stress. Feeling bloated and wanting to throw up for no apparent reason may be a symptom of a stress response. When the stress is gone, these symptoms disappear. You may also experience heartburn as the stomach may cause the stomach to produce more acid. If your diet contributes to heartburn issues, stress can only make it worse.

When your digestive processes are disrupted, you may create an unbalanced bacterial population, starting in your stomach. This can lead to a growth of the bacteria that lead to ulcers and may worsen ailments where inflammation or infections are present, such as Crohn's disease. Sustained stress can result in a variety of undesirable physical and functional disorders. While all of this is occurring, your body's immune system is compromised for two reasons. The heightened cortisol levels helps to suppress your immune system as part of the stress response. A poorly functioning digestive system will not be able to extract nutrients from your food, which further degrades your body's ability to remain strong and cope with the stress.

It is not possible to avoid all stress-producing events. Life goes on around us and we feel as if we are on a roller coaster with emotional ups and downs with each new turn. However, we can take some important steps to keep our bodies working optimally by reducing the stress levels and improving our ability to recover from these events. The first thing to think about is a walking timeout. Whenever possible, at the first sign of stress, try to take a walk of no less than ten minutes. Exercise helps to re-balance your hormones and keep you on an even keel. Walking near trees and grass will further stimulate positive reactions in your brain, which will help you to relax.

Next, make sure your diet is packed with a diverse range of nutrient rich vegetables, fruits and proteins. Remove processed sugars and starches from your diet as much as possible. The excess sugar helps to promote inflammation and digestive issues. Finally, add a good multi-species probiotic to your diet, including plain sugar free yogurt or kefir to help boost the population of beneficial bacteria in your digestive system. Exercise and nutrition will go a long way to helping you manage stress, and keep your system working through the next events that are bound to come.

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The Power of Habit

Aristotle once said, "we are what we repeatedly do" and this shows the power of habit. If we are repeatedly doing things that lead to greater success, then we will be successful but if we are repeatedly doing things that hinder our success then we will not get what we want in life.

Create a Habits List

Before creating a to do list think about creating a 'habits list', this is a list of the habits you want to create and a tracker to help you track those habits. Let's say for example that it is your goal to lose weight. In order to lose weight you need to exercise regularly and so onto your habit tracker you would put exercise and then each day that you exercise you would tick off that item on your habit tracker and know that you have taken a step closer to your goal. If you just had to exercise once though it wouldn't be much help so you need to make a habit of exercising at least three times a week.

How Long Does It Take to Form a Habit?

Some people say 21 days, others say you should aim for three times that amount. Personally, I think it is better to aim for three times that amount because if you give yourself a break too early then you may find that the habit is easily broken and it is too easy to fall back into bad habits. By challenging yourself to practice this habit for longer you are ensuring that it becomes a part of your life and you are less likely to give it up as it becomes part of you.

Breaking Bad Habits

In addition to creating good habits, if you want to really achieve success then you also need to break bad habits that are hindering you from becoming all you can be. Let's go back to the weight loss example and say you have a habit of getting take-aways for dinner every night. If you want to lose weight then exercising in itself is not going to be enough, you need to learn to develop healthier eating habits and that means breaking the bad habit of getting take-aways all the time. Learn how to do meal preparation and plan healthy foods that will promote weight loss.

"We are what we repeatedly do" and so we need to create habits that are going to help us achieve success. It is not enough to simply do something once and hope it will bring you success, you need to do it repeatedly. Create habits that will help you become the person you want to be.

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7 Easy Ways to Reduce Stress in Your Life

Stress is a big part of life, unfortunately. Particularly if you’re a dreamer, and some things just haven’t gone the way you wanted them to. However, once you know how to control your stress levels, things become a lot easier for you.

Unfortunately, we all have daily stress, and it can come from many sources. But stress is something you can definitely reduce, by taking a few simple steps.

7 Easy Ways to Reduce Stress in Your Life

Here are 7 things to keep in mind that will reduce your stress level and make it easier to be happier and more productive at whatever you do.


1) Sleep well

Many people underestimate the value of sleep. It is all too easy to stay up late and give up your sleep time. Especially when you are young and feel like you can do anything.

Research shows that sleep deprivation affects your body’s healthy balance, so it is not something you want to cut out. Think of it as mistreating yourself because lack of sleep affects everything you do. If you have trouble sleeping, there are many ways to address the problem.

Talk to your doctor for solutions.


2) Eat Healthy
We all know how it feels to skip meals because we are too busy, or eating too much of the type of foods that are unhealthy.

When you want to improve your diet, there are many choices. Just reducing your sugar intake is one sure method. Avoid sugar sweetened drinks and those with high doses of caffeine is another.

Sticking to a diet rich in protein with large amounts of fruits and vegetables is generally good advice.

3) Simplify
Life can get complicated, especially when you find yourself being very active and not having enough time for yourself.

It’s easy to take on too many projects, to work overtime, or to spend excessive time involved in community or school projects and activities. When you choose to simplify your life, you decide to cut back on stress-inducing activities.

You purposely slow down, and plan quiet time for yourself and your family. Another way to simplify refers to the recent popular trend of cutting back on your material possessions.

Cleaning out closets and organizing your home or workspace is always a good idea.


4) Exercise

Exercise is one of the fastest and easiest ways to de-stress.

Many people go to the gym or take up running. But even doing simpler methods like just riding a bike or spending time in your living room each morning doing cardio moves, or taking regular walks every day are ways to improve your health and reduce your stress level.

Exercise reduces your risk for getting chronic diseases because it improves your immune system. Along with exercising, you should also make sure you drink enough water to stay hydrated.


5) Be creative
Have you ever noticed how people who have serious hobbies are rarely depressed?

This is because doing something creative is a way to channel your energy in a new direction. Find something to do that you are interested in, such as gardening, scrap-booking, putting together a photo project, or woodworking.

Or maybe you are interested in doing a larger home project such as remodeling your garage or building a wine cellar. You will quickly see that it will help you unwind from your work day. Hobbies are fun to do and a great way to spend time away from everything else.
Easy Ways to Reduce Stress in Your Life

Here are 7 things to keep in mind that will reduce your stress level and make it easier to be happier and more productive at whatever you do.


6) Take time to relax

Some people forget to take time out of their regular activities to relax.

But, more and more people are realizing just how valuable relaxation time is. Taking time to relax will make you feel better and give you more energy to to be productive at work.

There are many ways to relax, such as visiting a health spa or taking a yoga class. Many people use meditation to help them relax.

Doing outside activities also help you unwind, so take time to travel and explore new places you have never been before, or get outside somewhere close to home.


7) Schedule Fun

One of the biggest mistakes people make is to overwork.

Life can seem so fast paced, and the demands of excessive job hours can seem overwhelming. This is why it is so important to schedule time for fun activities.

Whether you are single, or have a family, doing something outdoors with friends, or with your partner or children is very important. Live a little better every day. Get out of the house, try something new and have some fun!


Keep these 7 tips in mind when you want to reduce your stress level. Sleep well, eat healthy, simplify, exercise, be creative, relax and have fun.


These ideas will help you to stay balanced and live happier and healthier every day.

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