If You're Afraid of Failure, You Need to Read This

Why are we so afraid of failure? I mean, I know I've held myself back on account of fear more times than I'd like to admit. But what am I so afraid of? What is the worst thing that can happen if I step out and try something? Take a risk? Begin an adventure?

I don't really like fear. The very first poem I wrote was when I was 13. I wrote it, submitted to the local newspaper in hopes of getting it published, and lo and behold, it was. The poem was titled "What is Fear?" I cannot remember the words, but I generally feared a lot of things back then- even failure.

Fear stifles. It cripples and paralyzes.

But the truth is that "failure" is a noun and it's subjective. When I realized this, I began to see things differently. Why can Mike, the average guy down the street, jump the hurdles of so-called "failure", continuing on with great faith and joy in his endeavors? While Jim, the Harvard grad, sit and cry his eyes out when his business only lasts one year, resolving never to try that again?

Did both fail? Well, yes, if we're defining failure in terms of "things not going as planned". But how can one guy be cool with it, dust himself off, and get back up and try again and the other guy can't?

They view failure differently. We want to look at things when they don't go as planned as "learning opportunities".

Listen, if you get this, it will change your life.

Do you know that the writer, Agatha Christie, received 500 rejections in her life trying to get books published? She could have sunk her head in shame, feeling like a failure, but she didn't. She determined to NOT let a rejection (or hurdles in general) keep her down. She learned from her setbacks and kept her hand to the plow. You know what? She sold a freakin' lot of books!

We see the successful people. Or the happy people. Or the peaceful people. We want what they have, but are we willing to keep the momentum moving forward even when trials come? Even when failures come? Even when all your buddies are laughing at you, mocking you for pursuing your passion?

You're not a failure. There's no right or wrong in the grand scheme of things. Whether it takes you one year to hit your mark or five years, it's alright! Just keep on getting up and doing what you know to do in order to get what you want. If you don't know what to do, ask for some help! There's someone who has done what you want to do. There's probably a lot of people! Get on the phone and reach out. Send an email- whatever you have to do to get the low down.

We're in this together. Life, I mean.

What do you want? Have you given up on account of a perceived failure?

Commit with me to take the word "failure" out of our vocabulary!

Let's create a good life, enjoying the journey all along the way.

 Source: 

Tell Me I Was Dreaming

Is this really happening... it has to be a dream; these are words born in the state of confusion that ensues when suddenly we wake up and realize they are gone. Gone is a lonely, desolate word delivering a cold harsh reality with awful finality. Gone carries the sound of the human heart breaking into pieces. It invites us to cover our heads and go back to sleep, back to yesterday when nothing was changed. Regardless of how strong and competent you may be the loss of someone you love is accompanied by a host of fears.

Will you make it through this, will your world ever be the same again, will you ever stop hurting, or how can life ever be the same again? These are the fears that accompany a profound loss. Somehow diving back under the covers to dream time is a natural response. And why not; we heal when we sleep. This kind of traumatic change inflicts deep wounds, the kind we can't see but can never stop feeling. We instinctively run to the place where the pain stops, even momentarily. There is a need to return to sleep where we can once again touch the one who is gone.

For those who have experienced a profound loss, they know this is true. When we sleep those barriers born of 'good common sense' are down. When we dream we touch that which has gone, seeking answers that haunt us. We pray it was just our imagination telling lies, maybe they didn't really say goodbye; we need to ask those haunting questions, 'Can you hear me, are you OK, are you in pain, did you know how much I loved you; do you know how much I hurt?' These are a few of the answers we are seeking; we have to know, seemingly because we cannot go on until we do. And so we sleep until we find the truth, and there where our filters and bias are gone we find our answers. We don't really need an affirmation; we just know we have made the connection and learned the truth. We are fully awake again, wobbly, but able to test the road forward and learn to navigate without them. It really happened, it was not a dream.

There is no painless way to lose a loved one. It is a unique experience for everyone. No one can do more than understand your pain. Everything else is personal, as it should be. It is a broken road to travel yet in some odd way your grief protects you, forcing you to go slowly and see every option before you. This is necessary and helps you to see more clearly as you choose the right turn for you, onto a new path and a new future. It may never be pain free but you will always be more aware of how important today is and how comforting memories will always be. There is a startling clarity in creating new memories because you understand how important it is to capture and hold them close.

Source 

Change the Way You Speak to Yourself and Increase Your Chances of Success

A lot of people I speak to really want to break away from the normal 9 to 5 and to be fair most of them take the first tentative steps towards making this life changing move, they may have thought of a great way to make money or brought a book on how to start your own business or attend a seminar by someone who has done just what they would like to do, they may have even paid for a course that takes them step by step through the process of setting up a great money making system.

I know when I decided that I wanted to break away from the rat race I did all of the above and much more, spending thousands of pounds in the process BUT like most people, I never really got beyond those first few steps, in fact it was over TEN YEARS before I actually did grab the bull by the horns and put something into action. The amazing thing was after all that time it was one of the first ways to make money I learned of that I acted on and I have never looked back since.

So why do we do this? Why don't we take action if we want something as bad as we say we do? Why do we sit and procrastinate instead of doing something about it?

Well we usually come up with a number of excuses:

I'm not intelligent enough.

I didn't have a good education/get good grades/go to college. etc.

I haven't got the time.

I can't afford to do it.

I am too old/young.

I've never done anything like this before.

Or we put things off...

I will start Friday/next weekend/next month/when I have that week off work. etc.

I also know from experience one of the main reasons is fear!

Fear of failure!

Fear of change!

Fear of the unknown!

Fear of what other people will think of us!

The list goes on but generally comes back to that one irrational emotion;

False Evidence Appearing Real

The good news is we CAN do something about it, The bad news is its going to take a little bit of effort to address the problem. But don't worry its nothing complicated and its something that everyone can do.

What we have to do is change our mindset and to do this the first thing we need to do is change the way we speak to ourselves and this is what I'm going to be concentrating on today.

From very early on in life we talk to ourselves and what we say and how we say it has a big influence on how we react to the situations we find ourselves in as an adult. Over time we ( or the people around us/society in general ) brainwash ourselves with all kinds of limiting thoughts and notions of what we should do and what should make us happy.

So after a while all this self talk and outside influence helps to program our subconscious mind into accepting that we should be happy with what we do and what we have. After all you have a job/food on the table/ a roof over your head/ a car etc. so you should be satisfied with your lot right?

But is this really YOUR definition of happiness? Are you really satisfied with your lot?

I'm guessing that as you are reading this the answer is a resounding NO!

Well then it's time to admit to yourself that you are unhappy with where you are at this moment and that you are no longer going to accept life as it is. It's time to make your life what it can be and more to the point what it should be.

According to psychologists how we view life and more importantly how we view ourselves is largely set in stone by the time we are six years old. Just think about that for a while, everything we do in life, every decision we make, how we talk to ourselves and what we expect to achieve for ourselves is largely influenced by what kind of life we lived and what kind of experiences we had in those first few years!

Kind of scary eh?

So what does this mean?

In short it means that most of us talk to ourselves in a negative and unhelpful manner and this in turn restricts what we do or achieve with our lives.

Throughout the day we are talking to ourselves constantly either out loud or in our heads. Some of this self-talk is good - your dreams, your wants, your desires, your family, your friends, the little things that make you smile to yourself.

BUT some of it is negative and this stems from those experiences we were talking of earlier, those limiting influences that have got you nowhere. This kind of self-talk is what holds you back, it restricts you, brings you down and stops you from doing the things in life that you dream about.

This kind of self-talk is destructive and needs to be avoided at ALL costs. You must be aware of everything you are saying to yourself, whether it be out loud or in your head and when you find you are speaking to yourself in a negative way STOP!

Listen out for the positive things you say and concentrate on these instead, this is the kind of self-talk you have to nurture and as you do the negative self-talk will die back.

Once you allow the positive self-talk to flourish you will find great things start to happen with you as a person, to the way other people see and treat you and with your life in general.

Source: 

Feelings Aren't Facts

Often there may be a distortion, be it big or small, regarding how we see ourselves, others, or our lives in general. This distortion, or as I call it, the story we tell ourselves, frequently leads to emotional pain, increased anxiety, and potentially depression. That is because feelings aren't facts.

The phrase, feelings aren't facts, is commonly used in 12-step programs, yet it is profoundly true for all of us. This phrase uses the term, feelings, in such a way that it is not about emotions such as sadness, grief or anger. Instead it refers to our beliefs, perceptions, interpretations and thoughts. It speaks to the ways in which we experience ourselves, or others, in a subjective way.

Perception is Reality

When we say, for example, "I don't feel good enough." How could this statement not create further unease? Although others in our world may perceive us as amazing, or more than good enough, it is what we tell ourselves, even if it is not a fact, that emotionally distresses us.

This may be further exacerbated by making comparisons based on our assumptions about other people. We may tell ourselves, "That woman has got it all together. Look at her. How come I don't?" This story may also not be a fact, yet because we believe it is, it may further exacerbate, or contribute, to the wearing away of our self-esteem.

Fact or Fiction

When we operate from a place of misconception, distortion, or fiction, then we walk through the world from this place. This can produce a distortion of ourselves, of other people in our lives, or the world in general. If we function from a place of fear, anxiety or anger our perception of reality can be tainted with negativity. These painful feelings, although triggered by non-facts, can still ultimately affect us.

Another person's comment may remind us of something that occurred in our history. Accusations and judgements that occurred in our childhood, or adolescence, that were not resolved may influence our interpretation of circumstances in our current lives. The other person, and even ourselves, may have no idea this unresolved issue has influenced our perception unless this interaction is explored or clarification is sought.

We Believe What We Perceive

Our internal process, or how we internally experience or interpret something, is often more about our history as opposed to what the other person may truly mean. The stories we tell ourselves about what the other person means may negatively affect the relationship.

Often we use the word feeling for what is not a feeling. For example, I feel that you are accusing me of lying. It is important to differentiate this thought from the feelings that are triggered by it.

Source

What Are You Searching For?

I have not yet met anyone in my world travels who didn't want a little more inner peace. And, I have never encountered anyone who would trade a little money to rid themselves of their stress and worries.

So, is this what each of us is secretly or overtly searching for? Well, to be truthful I'm not sure. People who say they want less stress continue to pursue wealth, fame, power, position and more stuff. People who say they want to be happy often seem to sabotage this goal with poor choices, bad judgment and emotional immaturity. And people who say they want more inner peace still harbor old emotional baggage, replay old slights and hurts and let other people control their behaviors, attitudes, emotions and even their thoughts.

If we are truly searching for any or all the items listed above one would have to wonder whether we are just giving lip service to these goals, desires and dreams or if we really want them but just don't seem to know where to find them, how to achieve them or how to keep them.

I too have been guilty. I am just like you in that I would like a little more happiness and a little less stress yet when it comes to doing what is necessary I often fall short.

Sure, I have read all the books, hundreds and hundreds of them, attended the seminars, had personal coaches, spent hours and even weeks setting and planning my personal goals and dreams and spent more hours than I can remember praying and meditating and yet, here I sit from time to time, still questioning whether all this reading, study and searching is worthwhile.

During my years of study, research and searching I have come to a few conclusions.

1) Many of the people who supposedly have it figured out, don't. 

2) Many of the people who preach and teach this stuff to others and get paid handsomely to do so, don't have a clue. 

3) Some of the people who you would least expect to have the answers often do. 

4) Even many of the religious fanatics, diehards or steadfast believers in God still struggle with the same issues, questions and challenges as those who have never set foot in a church or Synagogue or read the Bible.

Why is this? Are we doomed as a species to just search and never find or discover the true meaning of our life or as the title says, why we are we here?

Humans have been asking for centuries; why am I here, where am I going and what am I supposed to do with my life while I am here?

One could get easily discouraged and feeling a little sorry for themselves spending years contemplating simple questions like these.

Have you ever asked yourself any of these searching questions whether in times of doubt or discouragement or happiness and contentment? Success or failure? 

Do you have any answers yet, or are you like most of us, that you just keep on trudging ahead through life one day at a time just earning, spending, working and playing?

Plus-You Can Now Join Our FREE Mastering Success Facebook Community at www.masteringsuccess.group

Source

What Wrong With Having Problems?

"The problem is not there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem." Theodore Rubin

A problem is not a problem until you call it a problem. Before that, it is an occurrence or simply something that happened. Expecting all occurrences to be void of breakdowns/problems is a formula for disappointment.

From another perspective, think of the times you felt you were in the zone. It could have been an athletic event or a business transaction. When you were in the zone, problems had little or no effect on you. You may have looked at them as a slight bump in the road and you proceeded to solve the problem with little or no effort. And then you continued on with your goal.

Later, when you were asked how did you solve the challenge so effortlessly, you may have responded that it was like an outer body experience. And it would have been hard for you to explain. When we are in the zone, problems rarely show up as insurmountable. That's the example of when life is good. So why do people have problems with problems?

Perhaps the real reason we have problems with problems is because we secretly expect them. When they show up, we say, 'I knew something would go wrong'. It's like we programmed ourselves for the disappointment.

When they happen, we are upset because life seems to be filled with one problem after another. And all we want is a smooth harmonious life with no problems. It's like we are waiting for the day that we believe we deserve - a life with no problems. But, as usual, we know the next breakdown is just around the corner.

In fact, we spend time dreaming about the day we meet the right person and find the right job that will give us eternal peace and harmony. While at the same time, our environment has trained us to never get too happy because the next problem is around the corner.

Nevertheless, we have all had the experience of being in the zone. If you focus on doing something well, you will find it much easier to get into the zone. In that space, you will find problems rarely seem to be a problem.

Source

How to Create a Positive Business Mindset

Plenty of people will give you tips on how to succeed in business. But one of the most permeating and effective ideas is to keep a positive mindset. If you think negatively, you'll often simply discourage yourself and give up too soon. Keeping yourself positive will encourage you to keep going, keep trying, and eventually succeed. Here are just a few ways to turn your frown upside down and jump-start your success.

Positive affirmations: This idea operates under the concept that if you repeat something enough times, you're eventually going to start believing that it's true. While it can seem silly when you get started, it's a proven method of changing your thought processes and giving you a better attitude.

There are a lot of different methods you can use for positive affirmations. A good one is to take time out of each day with a pencil and a piece of paper. Start by writing something positive about yourself. Be sure that what you write is about you, is good and affirming, and is in the present tense. You can continue by coming up with other phrases to say about yourself or by writing the same statement over and over.

To take this one step further, try writing your reactions to your statements next to them on the page. It doesn't matter if your reactions or positive or negative, it just has to be honest about how it makes you feel. Eventually, you'll see your reactions becoming more positive (or at least less negative). That helps you know that you exercises are working and changing your attitude about yourself.

Surround yourself with positives: If you are constantly surrounded by negative people who only focus on the bad things, sooner or later so will you. In your personal and professional life, try to maintain relationships with positive, affirming people. Maybe they aren't successful, but they look on the bright side and make themselves feel successful. Eventually, their good attitude will rub off on you.

Meditation: If things aren't going well for you, or you're constantly surrounded by negative people and ideas, your mind is probably full of lots of thoughts, many of which aren't good. Clearing your mind of all the hassles can help you improve your mood, and meditation is a great way to accomplish this. It also can help you sleep better, feel better physically, relieve pain, and improve concentration.

Visualization: Take a moment to think about why you're doing what you're doing. Is it to make money to buy your dream car, or is it to make enough to send your children to college? Whatever it is, keeping your goals in mind will help motivate you to work harder and keep going. It will keep you thinking about the good things that will happen from your work instead of your current setbacks.

So how do you keep these goals in your mind? Visualize them. If you can picture them, they'll be more real and tangible to you. To help you visualize, you may want to put visual aides in your work space. Find a free piece of wall space and put pictures of your goals in that space - whether it's a picture of the car you want, the house you want, or even just a picture of your children.

Depending on your personality, staying positive might take some work, but it will be worth it in the long run.

Source