If You're Afraid of Failure, You Need to Read This

Why are we so afraid of failure? I mean, I know I've held myself back on account of fear more times than I'd like to admit. But what am I so afraid of? What is the worst thing that can happen if I step out and try something? Take a risk? Begin an adventure?

I don't really like fear. The very first poem I wrote was when I was 13. I wrote it, submitted to the local newspaper in hopes of getting it published, and lo and behold, it was. The poem was titled "What is Fear?" I cannot remember the words, but I generally feared a lot of things back then- even failure.

Fear stifles. It cripples and paralyzes.

But the truth is that "failure" is a noun and it's subjective. When I realized this, I began to see things differently. Why can Mike, the average guy down the street, jump the hurdles of so-called "failure", continuing on with great faith and joy in his endeavors? While Jim, the Harvard grad, sit and cry his eyes out when his business only lasts one year, resolving never to try that again?

Did both fail? Well, yes, if we're defining failure in terms of "things not going as planned". But how can one guy be cool with it, dust himself off, and get back up and try again and the other guy can't?

They view failure differently. We want to look at things when they don't go as planned as "learning opportunities".

Listen, if you get this, it will change your life.

Do you know that the writer, Agatha Christie, received 500 rejections in her life trying to get books published? She could have sunk her head in shame, feeling like a failure, but she didn't. She determined to NOT let a rejection (or hurdles in general) keep her down. She learned from her setbacks and kept her hand to the plow. You know what? She sold a freakin' lot of books!

We see the successful people. Or the happy people. Or the peaceful people. We want what they have, but are we willing to keep the momentum moving forward even when trials come? Even when failures come? Even when all your buddies are laughing at you, mocking you for pursuing your passion?

You're not a failure. There's no right or wrong in the grand scheme of things. Whether it takes you one year to hit your mark or five years, it's alright! Just keep on getting up and doing what you know to do in order to get what you want. If you don't know what to do, ask for some help! There's someone who has done what you want to do. There's probably a lot of people! Get on the phone and reach out. Send an email- whatever you have to do to get the low down.

We're in this together. Life, I mean.

What do you want? Have you given up on account of a perceived failure?

Commit with me to take the word "failure" out of our vocabulary!

Let's create a good life, enjoying the journey all along the way.

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Change the Way You Speak to Yourself and Increase Your Chances of Success

A lot of people I speak to really want to break away from the normal 9 to 5 and to be fair most of them take the first tentative steps towards making this life changing move, they may have thought of a great way to make money or brought a book on how to start your own business or attend a seminar by someone who has done just what they would like to do, they may have even paid for a course that takes them step by step through the process of setting up a great money making system.

I know when I decided that I wanted to break away from the rat race I did all of the above and much more, spending thousands of pounds in the process BUT like most people, I never really got beyond those first few steps, in fact it was over TEN YEARS before I actually did grab the bull by the horns and put something into action. The amazing thing was after all that time it was one of the first ways to make money I learned of that I acted on and I have never looked back since.

So why do we do this? Why don't we take action if we want something as bad as we say we do? Why do we sit and procrastinate instead of doing something about it?

Well we usually come up with a number of excuses:

I'm not intelligent enough.

I didn't have a good education/get good grades/go to college. etc.

I haven't got the time.

I can't afford to do it.

I am too old/young.

I've never done anything like this before.

Or we put things off...

I will start Friday/next weekend/next month/when I have that week off work. etc.

I also know from experience one of the main reasons is fear!

Fear of failure!

Fear of change!

Fear of the unknown!

Fear of what other people will think of us!

The list goes on but generally comes back to that one irrational emotion;

False Evidence Appearing Real

The good news is we CAN do something about it, The bad news is its going to take a little bit of effort to address the problem. But don't worry its nothing complicated and its something that everyone can do.

What we have to do is change our mindset and to do this the first thing we need to do is change the way we speak to ourselves and this is what I'm going to be concentrating on today.

From very early on in life we talk to ourselves and what we say and how we say it has a big influence on how we react to the situations we find ourselves in as an adult. Over time we ( or the people around us/society in general ) brainwash ourselves with all kinds of limiting thoughts and notions of what we should do and what should make us happy.

So after a while all this self talk and outside influence helps to program our subconscious mind into accepting that we should be happy with what we do and what we have. After all you have a job/food on the table/ a roof over your head/ a car etc. so you should be satisfied with your lot right?

But is this really YOUR definition of happiness? Are you really satisfied with your lot?

I'm guessing that as you are reading this the answer is a resounding NO!

Well then it's time to admit to yourself that you are unhappy with where you are at this moment and that you are no longer going to accept life as it is. It's time to make your life what it can be and more to the point what it should be.

According to psychologists how we view life and more importantly how we view ourselves is largely set in stone by the time we are six years old. Just think about that for a while, everything we do in life, every decision we make, how we talk to ourselves and what we expect to achieve for ourselves is largely influenced by what kind of life we lived and what kind of experiences we had in those first few years!

Kind of scary eh?

So what does this mean?

In short it means that most of us talk to ourselves in a negative and unhelpful manner and this in turn restricts what we do or achieve with our lives.

Throughout the day we are talking to ourselves constantly either out loud or in our heads. Some of this self-talk is good - your dreams, your wants, your desires, your family, your friends, the little things that make you smile to yourself.

BUT some of it is negative and this stems from those experiences we were talking of earlier, those limiting influences that have got you nowhere. This kind of self-talk is what holds you back, it restricts you, brings you down and stops you from doing the things in life that you dream about.

This kind of self-talk is destructive and needs to be avoided at ALL costs. You must be aware of everything you are saying to yourself, whether it be out loud or in your head and when you find you are speaking to yourself in a negative way STOP!

Listen out for the positive things you say and concentrate on these instead, this is the kind of self-talk you have to nurture and as you do the negative self-talk will die back.

Once you allow the positive self-talk to flourish you will find great things start to happen with you as a person, to the way other people see and treat you and with your life in general.

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10 Reasons Why You Should Love Your Online Haters

Today we live in a world where it’s almost imperative to have a social media presence;

These platforms are where we shamelessly over share information about our lives. Many of us are authentically providing information to help serve others. While some are fearlessly posting degrading and harmful content.

You’ve probably come across a few of these people in your social circle who had abused the system.

Well I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone!

Many of us successful overachievers who are doing things to better the lives of others and ourselves have been through this all too often. The most painful part is when these haters are your friends and family.

(As a word of caution if someone is bullying you or abusing you online do not stand for it, make a fast exit and report it please. It’s our duty.)


10 Reasons to Love Your Online Haters & How to Do So

You might wish there is an easy way to thwart off online negativity, unfortunately the more successful you become the more times you’ll be exposed to them. It simply means that you’re probably doing something very right or very horrible.

Either way you need to take personal inventory when it comes to haters. Sometimes they can be right and other times they’re just plain ignorant.

Therefore be brave enough to look yourself in the mirror and shift your mindset from taking it personally to accepting the fact that just because you think you’re a rock-star not everyone will feel the same.

No matter what, there will be haters, it’s just the natural procession of the universe.

The empowering part is what you do with haters and how you tame your personal fears around not being liked or accepted by everyone.

Here are 10 reasons to love your online haters, and how to do so:


1. Haters Will Hate
You can not control other people’s words, actions, or thoughts.

Haters are most likely people who are miserable with their lives and simply jealous of the great things you’re doing. Or maybe they’re just bored with life. Whatever their reason is they are actually inspiring us to be better, do better.

So realize that and move on.


2. Don’t Feed The Beast

It’s very easy to get sucked into digital warfare as you defend your stance but it’s a waste of time. Haters are stuck in their own negativity and won’t accept the opinions of others. Engaging them more just feeds the negativity.

Be the bigger person, starve the beast.


3. There’s No Such Thing As Bad Publicity

Haters can also act as an advertising tool for you.

If you ever notice whenever someone makes a horrible comment on social media there seems to be twice as many comments following either bigging you up, agreeing with you or even bashing the haters.

This actually increases your likeability!


4. You Learn to Grow A Pair

Before you know it when you read hundreds of negative comments you end up getting thick skin very quickly. Our online haters are actually helping us to grow, allowing us the opportunity to experience the good and bad that social media has to offer.

It’s almost like a brain workout courtesy of haters – thanks haters!

The best part is the workout was free – no gym membership needed.


5. Check Yourself Before Your Wreck Yourself

You may not like what people are saying but guess what it’s feedback baby.

We should pay attention because sometimes what they are saying may be right, even if it’s cringe-worthy to read. But don’t get yourself into a ball of self loathing mess.

Check your self talk and make sure you aren’t saying things to yourself that keeps you stuck in a negative state.

Shift, shift, shift until you get out of the rut. Staying in a negative state because of haters actually does a disservice to you and everyone around you.


6. Builds Your Character

This is by far the best because haters keep us on our toes.

We get to learn how to maneuver challenging situations.

The more times we challenge ourselves the more the brain will come up with creative solutions. We want to keep the brain going, active and healthy. The negative comments will also challenge us to bring our A game the next time we step into the digital arena.


7. Our Empathy Workout

We get to practice our empathy when we gracefully handle these situations.

I know it’s much easier to curse someone out but it’s way harder to be empathetic to someone who’s bashing on you.

The more we can have empathy towards each other on social media the more we are contributing to the well being of a safe environment for others.

8. Positive Vibes Only

You want to only be around those who are positive, even online.

So stand guard to the gateway of your mind (this includes social media).

All too often when we encounter negative people it’s because we are probably in the wrong circle of friends. You want to pick your online friends carefully, seek out those who are willing to be supportive and celebrate the achievements of others.


9. Get A Social Media Mentor

There are plenty of online personalities who simply ooze positivity and garner so much of the world’s attention.

During my personal down time I’ve secretly studied how Deepak Chopra, Marriane Williamson, Marie Forleo, Brendon Burchard, Tony Robbins, Tim Ferriss and Danielle La Porte have handled negative comments online.

What I found was that they all had one thing in common, it was that none of them engaged in any kind of digital warfare.


10. Look At Me Now

In the end when we are successful it feels better to know that haters tried to ride on our coat tails because it’s like some sort of validation we were right all along.

When you succeed it’s your personal glory, your way of showing off, saying;

“HEY HATER REMEMBER WHEN YOU HATED ON ME? WELL LOOK AT ME NOW!”

Don’t let haters take you down, extinguish your flame or kill your mojo. If you stick with it and for the right reasons, success is just on the horizon.


Summary

We’ve all experienced the wrath of negative comments and I won’t lie it stings. We need to thank our haters because without them all these wonderful things would’ve never come out of YOU.

Keep in mind that haters provide us with a free workout in so many different departments of our lives and the best part is we don’t need to do any of the heavy lifting, they do it all for us.

But you also need to try to understand your haters.

I’m not saying agree with them but try to see things from their point of view.

None of us are perfect beings walking this planet but we can help collectively create an online space that is perfect in celebrating the struggles, achievements, joy and pains of every person known or unknown who shares a part of their life on social media.

Our social profiles are an extension of who we are so why not take care in being kind to one another for the right reasons instead of spewing digital hate. Let’s all go out there and spread some digital love!
How do you deal with online haters? Leave a comment below.

Plus-You Can Now Join Our FREE Mastering Success Facebook Community at www.masteringsuccess.group

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5 Essential Positive Character Traits For A Better Life

You have everything within you to achieve your best life possible.

The great thing is that all success is learnable. You can learn any character traits to make yourself a more successful person.

There are many ways that you can become successful and many different meanings of the word success. Here are five important, character traits that one must learn to develop to achieve success and a better life.

1) Common Sense

The first and most important of the personal qualities needed for success is, common sense. It is said that the average person has an enormous amount of common sense because he or she hasn’t used any of it yet.

Common sense seems to be something that a person accumulates as the result of experience over a long period of time.

Common sense is defined as the, “Ability to cut to the core of a matter, to recognize and deal with the essential elements of a problem or a situation, rather than getting sidetracked by smaller issues or symptoms.”

Another definition of common sense is, “The ability to learn from experience and then to apply those lessons to subsequent experiences.”

Common sense was seen as the core of all personal qualities that enabled a person to become increasingly more effective over time.

2) Be Good At What You Do

The second of all the personal qualities needed for success is that of expertise. Most successful people are very good at what they do and they know they are very good.

They have learned, practiced, reflected, and have gotten better and better until they are recognized by their peers as being among the very best in their fields.

This feeling of being the best is an absolute prerequisite for achieving a better life and it starts with great self-confidence.

3) Self-Reliance

Men and women who are respected by others tend to look primarily towards themselves for the answers to their questions and for the solutions to their problems. They are highly self-responsible.

They do not blame others or make excuses when things go wrong. They regard themselves as the primary creative forces in their own lives.

They volunteer for tough assignments, and they are willing to take charge when something needs to be done.

4) Intelligence Is More Than IQ

Intelligence seems to be a key requirement for success in any field. However, intelligence is not necessarily measured in terms of IQ.

Many of the most notable men and women alive today did poorly in school. They got low grades or no grades, and many of them had not completed university or even high school. Do not let something such as IQ hold you back. There is nothing that you can’t learn with knowledge.

5) Become Results-Oriented

This means that you know that you are capable of getting the results for which you are responsible. All highly respected men and women are recognized as being the kind of people who can get the job done, whatever it is. They are invariably decisive, result oriented people.

They are highly results-oriented because they have a bias for action and a sense of urgency. They have trained themselves to be extremely capable of doing whatever is required. Bigger and better jobs and responsibilities seem to flow to them. The world tends to step aside and make way for the person who knows what he or she is doing and knows where he or she is going.
For A Better Life, Get In Tune With Your Best Positive Character Traits

One of the most intelligent things that you can do is to get better at the most important things you do to get the results that determine your success. The better your results, the higher the chances are of you achieving a better life for yourself. By becoming intensely results-oriented, you will secure a better life for yourself.

Do you consider yourself results-oriented or a person who has common sense? Please share any comments below! Discover your current level of self-confidence and how to take action toward building greater confidence in yourself.

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6 Things Socially Successful People do Differently

8 years ago, I realised that something in my life had to change. I was tired of spending evenings and weekends on my own and promised myself to build a powerful social circle with a lot of close friends. The only problem was, I had no clue of how to proceed. So I started analysing socially successful people to learn what they did differently. What I have found out has had a significant impact on my life and now I share these with you. This is what I found out.

1. They Focus on Their Positive Traits, not their Negative Ones

When you see socially successful people, what is one trait they all embody? They have self confidence. I started to realise that self confidence is something anyone can build up over time. These people have flaws like anyone else. But they are aware of what they actually do well.

There’s a huge power in focusing on your positive traits. When you do, you begin to form a healthy perspective of yourself. This will give you confidence you need to become more outgoing around others. As an exercise, if you had to list five positive traits about yourself, what would those be? Give these traits some thought every day.


2. They Live in the Moment, Not in Their Minds

Have you ever entered a party, and felt like there were pairs of eyes watching every move you made? When we experience this, we become very self aware and nervous. To counteract this, when you attend social gatherings it’s important to “force your mind out of your head”. When you detect that you’re wondering what others think of you, start asking yourself questions about the people around you instead. “How do these two people know each other?” “What is she working with?” “Where is he from?” In a study, people who were instructed to focus on their environment reported feeling much more self confident.

3. They are Outgoing

To become socially successful, you will have to take the initiative on occasion. Even if you’re not naturally born a social butterfly, being outgoing is something you can learn. Instead of waiting for someone to invite you to a party or gathering, find groups that interest you. Many cities have groups based on occupation, hobbies, religion or other interests where you can join to meet others. This is a great first step out of your comfort zone. When you do this, have confidence in knowing that others attending the group may have the same social anxieties as you do. Once you find a group, it’s important that you stay persistent and attend meetings regularly. The more you attend the more comfortable you will feel being there.

Note from Brendan: If you live in Sydney, I have established the Sydney Activity and Adventure Group which now has over 3,000 members. Join us for some fun sometime!


4. They are Adventurous

If you want to become more socially successful, it’s important that you open your mind to try new things. By trying new things such as taking a cooking class or learning karate, you expand your horizons, you acquire new skills and you meet people in the process. This is an excellent way to enrich your life and grow your social circle as a result. Is there something that you are interested in doing but haven’t tried yet? Try to realise that interest.

5. They are Great at Helping Others

Another trait that many socially successful people have is that they are willing to help others. Whether it’s finding volunteer opportunities or finding ways to help their friends, socially successful people are willing to go that extra mile. If you’re better than others at something and use your skills to help others out, people will respect you for it. You shouldn’t help people for the sake of making friends – then you risk coming off as needy. Help people because your skills would actually solve the problem they’re having.

What skills do you possess? In what way could you use these skills so help others? When you’re seen as a helpful person, people will become increasingly willing to give back. In that way, helpfulness is often a win-win.


6. They are Authentic

Simply, good reputations attract people. People of good character aren’t quick to judge, they won’t talk poorly about people behind their backs, they follow through on their commitments and they are friendly to others. When you practice these behaviours, others will notice your authenticity and this will make you more attractive as a person.

You’ve probably been in the situation where it’s tempting to talk down on something or someone. Try to resist that urge. If you refrain from this behaviour long enough, the urge will eventually go away – it’s no longer part of your personality to talk down on others. People will trust you more with their thoughts and secrets as you’re seen as a reliable person.


In Summary

Ultimately, these six steps are good mental approaches you can take to improve your social life. While you won’t experience an overnight transformation, these tips can help you develop the mindset needed to improve both your life and to help you gain more friendships.

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