Change the Way You Speak to Yourself and Increase Your Chances of Success

A lot of people I speak to really want to break away from the normal 9 to 5 and to be fair most of them take the first tentative steps towards making this life changing move, they may have thought of a great way to make money or brought a book on how to start your own business or attend a seminar by someone who has done just what they would like to do, they may have even paid for a course that takes them step by step through the process of setting up a great money making system.

I know when I decided that I wanted to break away from the rat race I did all of the above and much more, spending thousands of pounds in the process BUT like most people, I never really got beyond those first few steps, in fact it was over TEN YEARS before I actually did grab the bull by the horns and put something into action. The amazing thing was after all that time it was one of the first ways to make money I learned of that I acted on and I have never looked back since.

So why do we do this? Why don't we take action if we want something as bad as we say we do? Why do we sit and procrastinate instead of doing something about it?

Well we usually come up with a number of excuses:

I'm not intelligent enough.

I didn't have a good education/get good grades/go to college. etc.

I haven't got the time.

I can't afford to do it.

I am too old/young.

I've never done anything like this before.

Or we put things off...

I will start Friday/next weekend/next month/when I have that week off work. etc.

I also know from experience one of the main reasons is fear!

Fear of failure!

Fear of change!

Fear of the unknown!

Fear of what other people will think of us!

The list goes on but generally comes back to that one irrational emotion;

False Evidence Appearing Real

The good news is we CAN do something about it, The bad news is its going to take a little bit of effort to address the problem. But don't worry its nothing complicated and its something that everyone can do.

What we have to do is change our mindset and to do this the first thing we need to do is change the way we speak to ourselves and this is what I'm going to be concentrating on today.

From very early on in life we talk to ourselves and what we say and how we say it has a big influence on how we react to the situations we find ourselves in as an adult. Over time we ( or the people around us/society in general ) brainwash ourselves with all kinds of limiting thoughts and notions of what we should do and what should make us happy.

So after a while all this self talk and outside influence helps to program our subconscious mind into accepting that we should be happy with what we do and what we have. After all you have a job/food on the table/ a roof over your head/ a car etc. so you should be satisfied with your lot right?

But is this really YOUR definition of happiness? Are you really satisfied with your lot?

I'm guessing that as you are reading this the answer is a resounding NO!

Well then it's time to admit to yourself that you are unhappy with where you are at this moment and that you are no longer going to accept life as it is. It's time to make your life what it can be and more to the point what it should be.

According to psychologists how we view life and more importantly how we view ourselves is largely set in stone by the time we are six years old. Just think about that for a while, everything we do in life, every decision we make, how we talk to ourselves and what we expect to achieve for ourselves is largely influenced by what kind of life we lived and what kind of experiences we had in those first few years!

Kind of scary eh?

So what does this mean?

In short it means that most of us talk to ourselves in a negative and unhelpful manner and this in turn restricts what we do or achieve with our lives.

Throughout the day we are talking to ourselves constantly either out loud or in our heads. Some of this self-talk is good - your dreams, your wants, your desires, your family, your friends, the little things that make you smile to yourself.

BUT some of it is negative and this stems from those experiences we were talking of earlier, those limiting influences that have got you nowhere. This kind of self-talk is what holds you back, it restricts you, brings you down and stops you from doing the things in life that you dream about.

This kind of self-talk is destructive and needs to be avoided at ALL costs. You must be aware of everything you are saying to yourself, whether it be out loud or in your head and when you find you are speaking to yourself in a negative way STOP!

Listen out for the positive things you say and concentrate on these instead, this is the kind of self-talk you have to nurture and as you do the negative self-talk will die back.

Once you allow the positive self-talk to flourish you will find great things start to happen with you as a person, to the way other people see and treat you and with your life in general.

Source: 

5 Powerful Changes You Can Make To Relieve Anxiety, Stop Negative Thoughts and Be Happy

From birth to death, people have always been looking for happiness. We often hear this phrase a lot, "I just want to be happy". Have you ever stopped and thought about what it means to be "happy"? Why no matter how hard you try, happiness comes hard for you, and it seems to come easier for others? What is your personal definition of happiness? How can you tell if you're truly happy?

This post will give you a few tips and tricks to be able to change the way you think, just a little bit, that can result in powerful change in the direction of true happiness!

Let's get to it!

Recovering From Failures

The human race has built itself into what it is today using only 1 tool: failure.

A spin off of the Charles Dickens quote in the opening of his book A Tale of Two Cities goes like this: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, truly the best of times". This means that through all the good times and all the bad times there's always a silver lining, a positive aspect that makes it all worth it.

Successful people have also faced many difficulties and failures in which they've turned into strong positive roots moving forward by learning from them and fully appreciating their roles in making themselves into more knowledgeable and better people for it.

Approval Seeking

You may sometimes be unsure if your decisions are the right ones and are constantly looking for approval from others to mitigate the risk of having a negative outcome.

In the end this behaviour may make you seem less confident in your decisions. Make concise and confident recommendations and delegations with positive expectations in mind. This will not only free your mind of the negative burden of stress and anxiety but it will also, with time and experience, make for more successful decisions and help develop confidence.

You may also be seeking the approval of your peers in school or "the popular kids". This, subconsciously, makes other feel as if you are not comfortable with who you are. You are who you are, and who you are is great. By constantly seeking approval you are suppressing your own personality. Show people who you are and remember not to look for validation from them. If you amuse yourself and make yourself happy then you will also amuse other people and they will like you for who you are.

Always anticipate that people will like you, if you really believe it then it will come true because your mind and body will make the adjustments necessary with that confidence to make it reality.

Outcome Dependency

Outcome dependency is very similar to approval seeking. What you want to try to notice when you are showing signs of outcome dependency and make conscious decisions to free your mind of the outcome, be present, go with the flow and anticipate only positivity.

If by chance your school presentation doesn't go well, you do not get the job, or your decision results poorly then you should be happy because you've just learned so much from that experience which will make you better and stronger next time!

If you are OK with learning from failures, you should have no reason to fear the outcome of a situation.

Comparisons & Jealousy

Notice your thinking patterns. You are not alone, many people often compare themselves with others in this manner, some of us may not even be fully aware that we are comparing ourselves at this, or any, extent.

We want to be prettier, happier, have more money and things; this makes us feel bad about our own self and causes us to resent and repel others, you start to miss out on great opportunities, friendships and life lessons.

Instead of comparing your life with others, compare your life only to YOUR life. Think of yourself as the only person you need to impress and prove something to. Have an inner battle with yourself, challenge yourself to be more and do more. Check in with your own progress from time to time and reward yourself for it.

Giving Positivity

Selfless acts in general make you feel positive about yourself and spread positivity to others, the more positivity we have in this world the easier it is to be happy. Compassion is one of the life's most wonderful feelings and gifts. It will make a big difference in your life and happiness.

Here are some ideas of how you can give positive energy or do some good deeds in this world:

Donate to charity

Help a friend in need

Volunteer for something you're passionate about

Buy a gift or flowers for your mother or grandmother

Allow a fellow driver to merge into your lane

Write a thank you note to someone who won't expect it

Compliment others

Hold the door for others

Say hello to others and smile

Pick up trash from the sidewalk

Help someone who seems to be struggling with something

For you to accept positivity you must firstly disarm the power that negativity has over you. Be aware and be the person you want to become.

Source

Overthinking Will Cause You to Think It Over

When was the last time you did something without actually spending a second to contemplate if it's the right thing to do? If you find it quite hard to make a decision even in the simplest things like deciding what to eat for breakfast, you may be a victim of what we call "overthinking".

A typical rational human being has a gift of reason which allows him to know the difference between good or bad. Sometimes, "reason" obliges us to think too much which causes us to be anxious in every decision we make. Finding hidden meaning in mere situations that does not require your investigative prowess worries your mind that you tend to become conscious in everything you do, constraining you from doing what you want. Overthinkers weigh each single option before they can make a move. They tend to ignore the bigger picture which causes them to panic under pressure even when they already know that they are good at it.

Growing up, we are filled with so much learning that we acquire so much knowledge which is good - to a certain extent.

When you are not in the mood, you have the tendency to be anxious and get depressed. This will eventually trigger your mind to outpour thoughts. Sometimes, these thoughts are not even connected to the main reason why you are having a bad mood. When you start thinking too much, your normal functions are affected.

Stop seeing what is beyond the surface if there is no need to. Before you dig deeper, you must have a clear view of what is in front of you. If you continue to give weight to those that are unnecessary, you will fail to see the truth of everything.

When you start thinking about something in an endless cycle, ask yourself: 

Will this still matter in the long run?

Asking yourself this simple question every time you overthink can snap you out immediately. You will then be able to focus your time on something that really matters. Learn to set a time-limit for every decision you make so that you can immediately act on it. Be better in making decisions by setting "deadlines" in your life in order to prevent you from procrastinating and encourage you to not take things for granted.

Most of us wish we could control everything that is happening. If this was only possible, we could've avoided making a mistake and things would've been perfect. But failures are a part of life and this is the only time where we can learn a lesson and become a better person. Everyone who is successful made mistakes before they reach their status quo.

Stop thinking over and over and over... it will just be an endless cycle and none of it matters! You can't control everything. Accept the fact there are just things that are beyond what you can handle.

There is no need to dwell on things that don't matter. Focus on what's important like making those people close to you smile. 

Plus-You Can Now Join Our FREE Mastering Success Facebook Community at www.masteringsuccess.group

Source: 

How to Stop Daydreaming and Start Living the Life You Truly Want

“The distance is nothing; it is only the first step that is difficult.”
Madame Marie du Deffand

Maybe the most common issue people have with personal development and making a positive change is that it stays a daydream. That they get excited and inspired.

But then as those positive emotions fade nothing really happens.

Life continues as usual. Your health, finances or your relationship with yourself stays the same.

It’s very frustrating. I know.


I used to read about personal development in pretty much all important areas of life. But it probably took me months or years to get going with making any of those positive changes.

Why?

It was uncomfortable. Making the changes felt so big that is was easier to just kept dreaming about it as frustration built up within.

So what can you do if you get stuck in daydreams? The best solution I have found for starting to make your dreams into reality is to go smaller.

Because grand changes and huge ambitions sound so inspiring and motivating. But they are also scary. So the most important step to get started and to keep going, especially when you are new to personal development, is to remove as much pressure and expectations as you can.

That’s at least what has worked and still works best for me. And in this week’s article I’ll share how to do it in two simple ways.

1. Go for just taking a small step.

I have mentioned this many times. With good reason. It is one of the most effective ways to reduce the pressure and the expectations you may put on yourself and to start moving out of standing still or procrastination.

Now, taking just one small step and focusing on that is for instance a great way to become productive at school or at work.

But it can be used in just about any area in life. If you want to become:
Kinder and improve your relationships then just take one small step by giving someone a genuine compliment.
A better listener then have just one conversation today where you focus as much effort as you can on learning more about the person in front of you. And truly be there as best as you can and nowhere else in your mind.

If you like, then tomorrow you can take the same small action and just focus on that.

If you want to take a first step and get started with something then do it today. Someday so easily becomes never or at least a day several months or years into the future. Don’t make that mistake.

And if the first small step you come up with still seems too big to take then think of an even smaller step. Be kind to yourself in this way and make the start as easy on yourself as you can.

2. Go for just taking care of today.

When you feel overwhelmed, tired and just want to quit or relapse into your old and more negative habits then sit down for a minute.

Breathe.

Then narrow your focus greatly. Don’t look forward because then you’ll see all the things you have to do to reach your goal or to create a new habit.

Instead, go smaller and focus on just taking care of today.

Nothing more. Tomorrow will come in time. And then you will take care of that today too.

I highly recommend keeping this narrow focus a daily thing. Sure, you may have to do some planning. Do that early in the week or day. Then shrink your focus again to make your work and life lighter and more effortless.

Focus on just the small steps and on today and soon you will have travelled quite a distance.

Source