How to Stay Calm: 17 Tips for Stressful and Frustrating Situations

“The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.”
Sydney J. Harris

The stress is rising. You’re starting to feel frustrated with situation you’re in. Or angry. Or maybe sad and like you just want to pack up and go home.

But at the same time you also know that you need to keep calm.

To be able to think clearly. To not overreact, make the wrong decision or to not say the wrong thing in a moment of anger, overwhelm or confusion.

I’m sure you – just like me – have been in situations like these many times.

So this week I’d like to share 17 habits and strategies that have helped me to keep calm and to keep moving forward.



1. Just breathe.

This is pretty much always step one for me.

Just take a few deep breaths and focus fully on them to calm down a bit. If you have the time in the situation you’re in then I recommend sitting down for 1-2 minutes to do this. Only focus on the air slowly going and out and nothing else.

2. Then think of the consequences.

If you’re in a situation where you need to reply to what someone just said then follow up your few deep breaths with thinking about the consequences if you reply with overly tough words or if you back down instead of calmly standing your ground.

If you have an email or a phone message you need to reply to then consider taking more time to cool down – anywhere between 10 minutes to the next day – to get yourself into the right headspace before you reply.

3. Remember: It’s not always about you.

If someone attacks you with harsh words in a conversation or via email or phone then remind yourself that this may not even be about you.

He might be going overboard or overreacting because he’s having a bad day with a sick child or just a lot of things going wrong. Or she may lash out because she’s unhappy with her job, marriage or haven’t had a good night’s sleep in a while.

This reminder helps me to not take everything so personally and to think for a minute and calm down instead of being reactive and escalating the situation.

4. Take it just one small – or tiny – step at a time.

If you feel overwhelmed and stressed out then don’t make the classic mistake of thinking you have to do everything at once to solve this situation.

Just focus on making a start. On one small step or even just a tiny one you can take to move forward.

I find that when I approach a situation like this then I rarely get stuck in analysis paralysis and my mind calms down when I know I only have to do one small thing at a time.

5. Question your perspective.

If you feel that you’re starting to get really frustrated, angry or sad about a situation then question your perspective before it goes any further.

Ask yourself:
How would I think and feel it if I were in his or her shoes? This one can help you to go from negative emotions to empathy and understanding. And that tends to help to both calm down and to find a solution for the both of you.
Will this matter in 5 years? Or even in 5 weeks? This one grounds me and helps me to stop sweating all the small stuff and to not make mountains out molehills in everyday life. And it helps me to once again focus my time and energy on what truly matters in my life.

6. What would someone else do?

Another way to change your perspective in a tough situation is to get outside of your own head a bit.

Do that by asking yourself: what would X do in this situation?

Some good people or characters that you could use for the X and this question are:
Winnie the Pooh.
Mom or dad.
Your calm and wise friend.

Find a person in your life or someone from a book, movie etc. that you truly like and ask yourself what he or she would do to find a new perspective.

7. Cycle fully focused work with 100% rest.

This could be a solution if you’re stressed today.

But it is more importantly a long term solution to reduce stress levels and to consistently put yourself in a better headspace to handle the inevitable setbacks and crises that will happen at work.

You need to clear boundaries for this to work though.

Here are three such boundaries I use in my own life.
A start time and stop time for my work day. And that’s 8 o clock in the morning and 7 o clock in the evening.
A break every 45 minutes. Usually, after about 45 minutes of work I take a 10-15 minute break. If I have trouble with following that guideline and work too much then I use the alarm function on my smart phone to stick to my work/rest cycle.
No work on weekends. I stay away from the work computer except for doing one quick check of my inbox. And I only reply to emails there that are urgent. The rest can wait until Monday. If you use a work phone then leave it at your job. Or at least keep it off and only check the messages 1-2 times per weekend.

8. Remember to keep things extremely simple.

Here’s a reminder that I’ve used more time than I can count: “Keep things extremely simple”.

It used to be at the top of my white board for over a year to remind me to not overcomplicate and to think of situations and solutions in the simplest way I could. Overthinking is a big contributor to stress and to spending too much time and energy on things that aren’t really that complicated.

I quite often sandwich this reminder between first focusing on my breathing and then following it up with focusing on one small or tiny step forward.

9. Ask instead of guessing.

Trying to mindread someone can quickly amplify stress and frustration. Because it’s pretty much impossible to do.

Plus, it can easily lead to a much worse scenario in your mind than what is actually going on in the other person’s head.

So communicate and ask what you want to ask.

10. Be 10 minutes early.

Not much help when you’re already in stressful situation. But a good reminder for tomorrow and next week.

Plan a bit ahead so that you can – as often as possible – let transportation time between meetings and destinations during your day become a small window where you can fully relax and rejuvenate so that you’ll be able to do fully focused work or be truly engaged when you arrive.

11. Reduce your to-do list.

A big or seemingly endless to-do list can cause a ton of overwhelm and stress.

To calm down simply ask yourself: what would I work on if I only had 2 hours for work today?

Then work on that task one step at a time.

This one helps me to quickly find my focus and to get started with doing one of truly most important things when I’m stressed. And it helps me to be selective with what I put on my to-do list for the day and week in the first place.

12. Go for a 5-15 minute laugh break.

When you feel overwhelmed and it’s hard to think then you can take this somewhat odd but effective kind of break.

For maybe 5-15 minutes focus on having fun, smiling and laughing.

Laughing and finding some fun breaks stress and tension. It helps your mind to relax.

You can do this by just spending a bit of time with someone at work, in school or at home that you know you’ll have fun with.

But I also recommend having a small mental or physical folder of things that you know will make you laugh.

For me it’s for example episodes of the Simpsons or comics by The Oatmeal and Jim Benton.

After that break you can return to your work or the situation that you’re trying to figure out with a lighter mind.

13. Take some time for yourself in nature.

A more conventional alternative to laugh breaks is to take a break where you go out in nature and spend some time in silence there to recharge yourself.

I usually take these breaks by going out for a slow walk in our nearby forest where I take in all the sounds, sights and smells for a little while.

14. Ask for help.

You don’t always have to go it alone in these situations. You can ask a friend, family member or even someone you may not know that well for a bit of help.

You might not always get it but you may be surprised at how helpful people can be if you just ask.

15. Just take care of today.

It’s hard to keep calm if you look at all the things you may have to get to done to solve a situation or to overcome a challenge.

That’s why I’ve already shared a few tips that help you to concentrate on a much smaller part of the situation. Such as when you focus on just one small or tiny step or when you ask yourself the question about what you’d work on if you only had 2 hours for work today.

Here’s another one of those tips and habits that help me.

What you do is simply to tell yourself: just take care of today.

Concentrate only on that. Forget about all the tomorrows for now. Narrow your focus and take care of only today.

Tomorrow will come in time and you can take care of it then.

16. Had a setback? Then be your own best friend.

Don’t let a temporary setback drag you down into a thought spiral of defeatism and negativity.

Instead, ask yourself this to keep going on a healthier track even if you don’t feel so good at the moment:

How would my best friend or my parent support me and help me in this situation?

Then do things and talk to yourself like he or she would.

17. Listen to yourself.

If you feel you’re having more trouble than usual with staying calm in several situations and you’re really frustrated in general and drained of energy then listen to yourself.

Step back before you run right into a brick wall and do or say something you really wouldn’t usually do.

Schedule more time to just take care of yourself.

Spend one evening – or a few – in bed and just watch your favorite TV-shows or movies. Take a trip over the weekend and just focus on relaxing and doing what you think is fun or fulfilling. Spend more time out in nature for a few days or a week.

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8 Harsh Reasons as to Why You’re Still Broke

Okay so you’re broke, perhaps in debt, and just really wanting to have a career that you love and can be proud of? One that will make you good money? Well then maybe this is for you.

We all want to make a lot of money, but for most people who have this common goal they struggle to ever get anywhere near where they want to be, and all it raises within them is doubt. Doubt of why it’s not happening for them but is for others. Here’s 8 reasons as to why you’re still broke.

1) You Give up too Easily

The first half a year, or year of starting a business, a website, a career or whatever it is you want to do is a test. You’ll be tested on your commitment and love to do what it is you’re doing.

Within this time you will experience struggles, and failure, but this is all part of the test and if you want to prove that you’re in this for the long run, and that you deserve to have the things you want, then you need to do what must be done to prove yourself worthy.


2) You’re Lacking Motivation

There are far too many people in this world that sit around saying “I wish I was rich”, “It’d be nice if we had a pay rise” and all the other garbage that they just expect to come to them. You don’t just wake up one day and find someone’s deposited a hundred grand into your bank account.

The wealthy people in this world aren’t wishing for things and just hoping they’ll come into some money. They’re the people who spend less time wishing and more time doing. If you really want something then you need to go out and put your heart and soul into it.

Don’t just think to yourself that someone kind will just come along and give you what you want.


3) You’re in Love With Your T.V
My dream car is a Lamborghini Murcielago, in a less common color like blue or green. It’s just one thing I’ve always had in my mind ever since I was younger playing the ‘Need for Speed’ games. Anyway, one day I was looking for the perfect one on Google images, as you do, and I found a quote that really spoke to me.

“Why haven’t you ever seen a Lamborghini commercial before? Because the people who can afford them aren’t sitting around watching T.V.” The truth is, if you’re sitting around watching T.V for most of the day or evening, then you’re basically watching what’s going on in other people’s lives instead of going out and creating a life of your own.

T.V is not real life. Turn it off and start living.


4) Sleep is Your Best Friend

If you really want to be rich and successful, but you’re still getting more than 8 hours of sleep, then you’re wasting valuable time. 6 to 7 hours sleep is perfectly fine, but if you’re not getting up early enough in the mornings you could be missing opportunities to make money or improve upon yourself.

When you go to sleep tonight, place your alarm clock next to your bedroom door and set it to go off an hour earlier than normal. When you get up to turn that annoying sound off, you’ll be up out of bed and facing your bedroom door.

All you have to do is walk out of the door, make yourself a cup of coffee and have an extra hour of working on yourself! Whatever it may be. The laziest thing you could do is to turn that alarm off, turn around and then get back into your bed.


5) You’ve Adopted Bad Habits

All that smoking, drinking, watching T.V, browsing Facebook and other crap you’ve been doing, isn’t going to have an amazing effect on your life. If you’re going to grow as a person, then some discipline needs to be gained in these areas, in order for you to have strength of body, mind and soul.

Kick the habits, and start trying to actually improve your life.


6) You Hang out With the Wrong Crowd

They say that you become just like the 5 people you spend the most time with. Which should make you question yourself whether you’re current friends are actually good for you. Sure they may be a great laugh, and that’s a good thing.

But do they have any dreams, goals or aspirations?


7) All Talk no Action

Are you familiar with a process where you have this amazing idea pop into your head, and instead of then proceeding to work on it, you start adding more thoughts onto the idea you already have.

At the end of your life, you end up with this incredible idea that you’ve thought through for so many years, but it’s useless because you have no time left to take action on it.

The wealthiest place in the world is the graveyard. It’s where so many ideas and inventions come to die. Champions don’t start out with a perfect idea. They start out with an idea and make it perfect through the hard work that they put in.


8) You Have no Plan

Having a plan isn’t exactly essential to become wealthy and successful, but if you’ve been broke up until now then perhaps you should think about creating one for yourself.

Where do you want to be in a few years time? Do you still want to be where you are or do you want to be in the job of your dreams, earning a great amount of money?

If it’s the latter, then you’ll need a plan of how you’re going to be able to get there. Do you know what you need to do to make this dream become a reality? Then write it down, and split it into small baby steps.

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How to Stop Beating Yourself Up All the Time

“You can’t do this!”

“You just keep making the wrong decisions over and over.”

“Everyone else knows what they’re doing, what’s wrong with you?”

Does this voice sound familiar?

It’s your own — the words you might say in your head when you’re down on yourself. Self-criticism can often be healthy, as it is a sign of self-awareness. It can help you find ways to improve, build stronger relationships and grow.

But when self-criticism gets too harsh, it can be just the opposite. Too much self-criticism won’t lead to self-improvement. Instead, it can slowly wear away at your confidence and peace of mind and make it harder to achieve your personal goals.


Why Do We Beat Ourselves Up?

It is natural to experience doubt and strive to improve — but chronically thinking of yourself as not good enough can really negatively impact your well-being.

You likely wouldn’t appreciate the judgements and critiques of others or when someone is bullying or harassing a friend or loved one, so it’s obvious why self-criticism can be just as harmful.

What’s worse is we are often our own harshest critic. No one knows you better than yourself, so no one knows better than you how to get under your skin.

So what causes us to go from healthy self-criticism to legitimate self-bullying? One explanation is a lack of compassion towards oneself. Consider the negative voice in your head and the things it says to you. Would you direct those words toward other people?
Learning From the Past

This lack of kindness for oneself could be related to past emotional experiences. Children especially are susceptible to holding on to harsh criticism, feeling insecure and un-confident.

To avoid future criticism, we then set standards for ourselves. If these standards are not met, we then beat ourselves up. This can even lead to negative forms of perfectionism.

This mindset leads to a lack of energy or motivation, which makes it even harder to bounce back and think positively. It’s a vicious cycle.


How to Stop Beating Yourself Up


So what steps can you take toward beating back the self-bullying you and embracing a more positive mindset?

Here are a few tips to get you thinking:


1. Self-Awareness and Self-Kindness

The first step is to recognize when you’re putting yourself down. Self-awareness is at the root of all self-criticism, so you must also be aware of when you are treating yourself kindly and when you are self-deprecating.

Once you know you are needlessly beating yourself up, you won’t magically stop. However, you can counteract the negativity by complimenting yourself when you do something well. Acknowledge when you achieve a goal, even a small one.

Consider also the things that make you happy — again, even the small ones — each day. Write them down if it helps you to focus. You may be surprised that even though your day feels like it’s going badly, lots of good things happen throughout.

Do this especially at the end of the day when you’re trying to wind down. You can lose sleep when your mind is stressed with negative thoughts, which will further reduce your energy.

2. Don’t Compare Yourself to Other People

In times where you are failing, it can be easy to look around at other people who are doing well and compare ourselves to them.

However, you must take a step back and consider you are only seeing one perspective. That other person you see may be excelling in one area — but like you, they deal with a myriad of thoughts, feelings and problems you can’t know.

If you are aware you tend to compare yourself to others, begin to remind yourself you are your own person with your own path. You might be capable of the same successes you see others achieving, and it is possible to work toward them in your own way.

3. Recognize Your Failures as Learning Opportunities

You will fail sometimes. That is inevitable. It can happen in any area of your life. The key is to think of your failures in a more positive light. Any mistake is also an experience you can learn from, and the knowledge you gain will help you down the road:
Perhaps you are criticized by a supervisor for missing a deadline. You can’t change that mistake, but you can do your best on the next assignment.
Maybe you have an awkward social interaction with a colleague. You can’t undo it, but the next time you see them you can make up for it.
Maybe your failure is more severe, like a bad investment or getting scammed out of your money. What’s done is done, but next time you will have the experience and will know to do sufficient research about the business and industry or other opportunity you’re investing in.


Whatever the situation, you will always be learning — which means you will always be improving.


4. Be Patient

You won’t be able to get rid of all your negative thoughts at once. Old habits die hard, and learning to think positively takes time and practice.

Take these steps each day, and over time you may notice improvements in your mindset, your productivity, your motivation and your energy.

Ask others for help as well. Let those close to you know you are struggling and trying to improve yourself, and they will support you. You can even seek the help of a psychiatric professional to help guide your process.


Summary

There is a calm, reasonable you inside of the self-doubting and critical version of yourself.

In time, you can learn to let him or her shine.
Are you beating yourself up too much? Leave a comment below.

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