ABCs of Stress Management

The ABCs of Stress Management Is Awareness, Balance and Control.

Stress is created when external or internal demands made on an individual are in excess of his coping strategies and capabilities. Let us illustrate how physical stress is formed. If you are asked to pick up a glass of water and place it on the table it is not stressful. If you are asked to pick up the glass of water and fill it to the brim without dropping any water outside, it is mildly stressful. If you are asked to hold that full glass of water for two hours without dropping any water, you will get totally stressed out.

Awareness

How stressed are you? Do you feel that you have absolutely no worries and stress in the world? Then you are lucky indeed to be part of the minority of the population today. For most of us stress plays an important part of our daily lives. It disrupts our energy levels, affects our performance and can be a huge drain on our resources. Becoming aware that one is experiencing stress is also difficult as people have got used to being under fire from all sides. It is not a natural state and will affect the health of a person in the longterm.

Balance

Once you are aware of the fact that you get stressed in certain situations, what do you do next? It is now time to manage stress levels better. Keep yourself primed for action without the accompanying tension. This can be accomplished by ensuring that you balance out the stress you are feeling in a certain situation in an optimum manner. You can avoid or modify certain stressors right away on your own. Other stressors may need some contribution from outside influences. The idea is to get hold of the problematic stressors and neutralize them.

Control

Here the idea is not to control the stress. Instead it is to control your own reaction to them. By directing one's own actions and thoughts it is possible to stay in a positive frame of mind. This defeats the stress and allows you a measure of self responsibility and control. A good night's rest is often one of the best ways to control stress. It is easier to deal with issues when you are well fed, well rested and healthy. So make sure that you actively look after your physical body and stress will begin to disappear.

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Don't Be Shy - Boost Your Confidence Before Giving Your Presentation

Have you ever been in a situation where you've given a speech, a presentation or a meeting update and it hasn't flowed as well as you would have liked? You're hesitant the next time you're about to present? If you're feeling uncertain about an up and coming event (such as a meeting, speech or presentation) check out these 10 pre-event confidence-boosting questions and see if answering them makes the difference:

1. Are you certain of your core message, point or outcome? If not establish what this is from the outset and allow everything else to flow from it

2. Have you prepared well enough for the event? If not what else can you do to prepare?

3. Does what you're doing make sense to you? Does it sit well with your values and principles? Just how important is it to you? How can you raise its importance in your mind?

4. What is your relationship with the people around you? Are there any issues here? How will this impact on your delivery? How can you modify your thoughts, feelings and behaviour to address the issues?

5. How can you ensure you express yourself clearly and well? (If you're certain of your core message and you're well prepared it should be much easier to state your case clearly and with conviction). Can you draw on a similar situation when things went well? What is the difference between how you felt then and how you feel now? Why is this?

6. What kind of material do you have? Is it clear and simple to understand for the visual, audio and kinaesthetic among your audience? Can you improve, simplify or clarify it?

7. Have you anticipated any tricky questions that may come up, and prepared responses to them?

8. What are you saying and thinking to yourself about the event? If you're telling yourself how badly it's going to go that's exactly what you risk manifesting

9. Have you looked at the situation from the vantage point of each person who will be at that event? What questions or issues arise when you do this? Can you deal with any of them in advance? If so how?

10. What other messages are being communicated to you from this uncertainty? What do you need to do to quell them?

Answering these questions should go some way to increasing your confidence and ensuring you are well prepared for your event.

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Start With Desire

"Desire is the starting point of all achievement." Napoleon Hill.

Hill was not talking about an interest, a hope, or a wish for something. He was talking about a burning desire for something that exceeds any other longing.

If you do not have that desire yet for a specific thing then just start with a desire to be successful.

Once you resolve to be successful, start your self-improvement while you search for a specific goal.

That search should consider work that pleases you, a lifestyle that makes you happy, and achievement of a goal that makes you proud.

Depending on your interests, you might have more than one type of work that pleases you. Think about the alternatives in relation to the type of lifestyle each offers or requires.

Let's say that you have the skills to play professional baseball. Yet, you love the idea of spending lots of time with your wife and children. Do the two match? From what little I know, major league baseball players spend a lot of time during the season away from home. And the season could be six months long. Would that be a good match for you, or not?

There seem to be a number of higher level jobs that demand of lot of time spent working. And that work is mostly away from home.

Each of us is different. You might be willing to sacrifice lots of family time in order to be proud that you are a professional athlete, a Wall Street leader, or a high-priced lawyer.

Choosing one area that meets the three criteria I listed and creates a burning desire might not be easy. You must look at all the ideals you have for your life. Then you have to weigh the options in which you might be able to maintain those ideals while choosing a type of work, a lifestyle, and a way to be proud of yourself.

Depending on where you already are in life, perhaps you cannot find a choice that is perfect. If you are already a parent with children can you still choose to be a professional athlete? Holding to one value might prohibit selecting another.

Back to Napoleon Hill's quote. Once you have the desire to be successful, then find a goal for which you can have a burning desire because, overall, that goal gives you the best chance of preserving your ideals and making you happy.

When you have finally found your extraordinary goal spend time daily imagining the details of your happy life and feeling the pride of achievement.

This imagination will fuel the fire for your goal. As your imagination of a proud and happy life intensifies, so will your desire. And continued imagination will cause your desire to burn.

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Ouch! Change is Uncomfortable!

Have you ever wondered what is it that is stopping you from being in your ideal situation right now? Whether you want to lose weight, earn more money, find Mr. Right, or leave Mr. Wrong, you keep looking at a goal that you have not yet achieved. Let's explore why not.

Try this experiment: Simply fold your arms across your chest. Notice which arm is above the other, where your hands touch your elbows, and how effortlessly you were able to position your arms.

Now, it is time for the change: Uncross your arms, and re-fold them across your chest, this time the opposite way. That's correct, if your right arm crossed over the center of your left arm, then place your left arm above the right. And vice versa. I have seen rooms filled with people laughing and twisting their arms in awkward directions, in an attempt to fold their arms in the opposite manner.

If changing the way in which you cross your arms is an uncomfortable, unnatural process, we can glean some wisdom as to the dynamics of human beings experiencing change.

Staying in the same position is more comfortable than changing positions. Thus, we can find marathon runners who use the remote control to change the channels, instead of walking across the room. They do not dislike walking, they simply want to stay comfortable.

Therein lies the secret of achievement; the ability to acknowledge and understand that the changes you will undergo will be uncomfortable. Denying yourself the usual chocolate treats, in order to reach your ideal size, is not a pleasant sensation for your taste buds. Forgoing a vacation in order to set up a home business plan, will not be a relaxing way to spend your free time.

When you understand that making changes will involve some discomfort, even some pain, and you are ready to embrace the positive long-term changes along with the negative short-term changes, then you become un-stoppable.

It is not education, socio-economic status, gender, nor ethnicity which will propel you towards success. Your dreams will be realized because of your newfound perspective. It is the courage in your heart to overlook the heavy weight of the boxes you are carrying, since you know that there are diamonds to be found within them.

Go ahead and begin a change in your life. Write it down, and share the goal with your friends. Embrace the discomfort, cross your arms, and proceed resolutely towards success.

And when you achieve your goal, and meet someone on the road to making changes, ask them to cross their arms, and inspire them with the courage to succeed!

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How to achieve your goals in 12 steps by Brian Tracy

1. Have a desire

What is that one thing that you truly desire? That one thing that makes you excited, keeps you up at night, makes you feel butterflies in your stomach?

This is not the moment to be logical and think what you should want in your life. Put your logic aside and listen to your heart. Allow yourself to desire whatever you want. You know the saying think big? Well, desire big, too!

2. Believe

You have to absolutely believe you can achieve your goal. If you start by doubting your possibilities one thing will happen for sure – you will fail. It’s been even proven by scientist and it’s called a self-fulfilling prophecy: what you expect, eventually manifest itself in your reality.

On the contrary, if you really believe you can do it, you wil start seeing all the possibilities to make it happen, you will have more courage and energy to chase your dreams.

It is not always easy to have that kind of faith. We have all failed more than once and we fear that we can fail again.

So what can you do to help yourself believe you can achieve your goals?

Set smaller goals for yourself first, so you can see and enjoy your small successes. Slowly, increase your goals. The worst thing you can do is set too big of a goal, something unrealistic. You almost force yourself to fail and prove to yourself that you are not strong enough. So start small. Build your faith and courage.

3. Write it down

There is something magical about writing things down. Psychologists have proven that we become more committed to what we write down versus what we say. So write down your goals.

Brian suggest a 3P formula for writing down your goals: use present, positive and personal statement.

That means that if your goal is to earn USD 500,000 by the end of the year, you should write: I earn USD 500,000 by the end of this year. You use verbs in present tense, you use positive language (you write what you want, not what you don’t want) and you write in 1st person: I.

4. Analyze your starting point

You know where you want to get. Analyzing where you are now allows you to understand what you will need to do. If your goal is to be 55kg then you need to know your current weight to know how much you need to lose and plan it accordingly.

Be honest with yourself. This is not the moment to allow your ego sabotage your efforts. Whatever your goal is, do a thorough analysis of your strengths and weaknesses in this area.

5. Determine why you want to excel in this area

Knowing why you want to achieve a particular goal will help you stay focused on it in moments of difficulties and doubt. Usually when we start working on a new project, we are very excited and super motivated. But those feelings don’t last forever. They usually come and go.

So take some time to write down at least 5 reasons why you want to achieve your goal. How will your life improve once you get it? How will your relationships look like?

Make a list (yes, write it down!) and keep it always available to you.

6. Set a deadline

Setting deadlines for your goals is one of the main rules for achieving them. Having a deadline helps you in 2 ways. Firstly, it allows you to plan. You start by deciding when you want to achieve your goal, and plan backwards. This way you will know how much you need to work on your goal every month, ever week and every day.

Secondly, it adds a pressure. Humans are lazy by nature. Setting deadlines adds a pressure that motivates us to work.

Think of any assignment you had to do at work on in the university. Have you ever procrastinated on it until a deadline came and you had no other choice but to do it?

Your deadline is your best guess about when the goal should be achieved. Don’t worry so much about not meeting it. In some cases, you won’t. But it doesn’t mean you failed. Deadlines are there to help us achieve our goals, but by no means are they determinants of our success.

Once you know a deadline for your goal, set deadlines for all the steps you will need to accomplish beforehand.

7. Identify the obstacles

I can guarantee that you will encounter difficulties on your way to achieving your desired outcome. But don’t let that discourage you. Everybody who has achieved great goals in their lives, had to overcome some kind of obstacles.

Think of what could be an obstacle for you. Knowing what the worst case scenario can be, allows you to be prepared. So if the obstacle does appear (though it doesn’t always have to), you will know exactly what to do.

Brian gives a very interesting theory on obstacles. He uses a famous Pareto rule of 80/20 and explains it this way: 80% of all obstacles comes from within us, and only 20% are due to external factors. This is a good news. It means that you have control on 80% of what could stop you from achieving your goals. these are usually some traits in our personality or lack of skills. And you can work on all of them.

8. Determine the additional knowledge and skill you need

You have a goal. Now ask yourself why is it that this goals is not yet a reality? You probably need to get some new skills and knowledge to achieve it. identify them. Understand what new skills you need to pick to become an expert in the field and to help you get where you want. Create a list of books, events and courses you will need to take to get there. This is how you work on that 80% of obstacles – the part that lies within us.

9. Determine the people you’ll need

At more than one time you will need help from somebody. Identify key people for your success. Who can teach you what you need to know? Who can help you stay focused and motivated?

Once you have that list, start working on relationships with these people. Offer then your help first. Don’t expect them to help you if you are not willing to do the same for them. Be genuine and honest. Don’t use anybody for your goals, but create real relationships beneficial for both of you.

10. Make a plan

You’ve probably heard the saying that what doesn’t get planned doesn’t get done. Or as Benjamin Franklin once said: “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”

Having a plan for achieving your goal is essential to your success. Without it, how will you know what to work on? We have limited resources (like time and energy) and you need to make sure you put them to the right use.

Make a plan. This is your roadmap. But stay flexible. Observe how the environment changes. You might need to adjust your plan more than once. Be open for it. Planning itself is a part of your success.

11. Visualize

This is a very important part for you to achieve your goals, unfortunately often ignored. Visualization is a great tool to help you get where you want to get. And its powers are almost limitless.

Create a habit of visualizing what you want. If you want to lose weight, see yourself with the body of your dreams. If you want to have your own business, picture yourself as a successful businessman. By doing so you activate your subconscious, or as Brian calls it – your supermind.

Here is how the magic works. Your external (the world you live in) is a reflection of your internal (your imagination, beliefs). If you want to change the external, you need to first change the internal. In an almost magical way you will see how the world changes to fit your internal.

It works because of the 2 laws. First one is what we’ve already discussed: self-fulling prophecy. Visualizing having achieved your goals makes you behave in a way that helps you notice all the possibilites and dismiss any obstacles. That keeps you focused and motivated.

The second law is called the Law of Attraction. It states that whatever it is that you mostly think of, whatever it is that you are always focused on and truly desire, will be attracted to you. You will suddenly notice that the right people and the right opportunities come to your life.

12. Never give up

The key to achieving your goal is persistence. No matter how much talent you have, if you don’t persist, you might just give up right before your big breakthrough. Don’t let any failures discourage you. You already know that obstacles will happen. Whenever they do – work ont hem and keep going forward. Once you decide you want to achieve a goal, make a decision to never ever give up.

Conclusions

You can apply it to any goal you have in life: be it your financial or career goals, or your family and relationships goals.

To really apply Brian Tracy's amazing Goal Setting techniques, CLICK HERE. 

It will change the way you set your goals FOREVER!

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What I Learnt From No One Showing At My First Workshop

I have been working with a coach to create my creative transformation business and one of the first projects was my Wildly Intimate Woman workshop.

I easily found a yoga studio to host the workshop and worked with a designer to create the perfect flyer. I loved how everything was falling into place smoothly. I imagined many people showing up at the workshop. I ran Facebook ads that received many views and likes. I thought I was on the right track.

But there was a tiny voice that whispered to me. What if no one showed up? What if what I had to say wasn’t important? What if who I was wasn’t of value?

I shivered at these whispers. My response was to ignore this voice and keep doing what I had to do to make this workshop happen, even though a funny feeling stuck in my gut.

What I Learnt From No One Showing Up At My First Workshop

A week before the workshop, I received a call from the yoga studio. The lady who had burst with excitement at my workshop idea suddenly told me in a grim voice that no one had signed up.

My blood went cold. The tiny voice became louder. I told you so.

I gathered myself and told her I would actively promote my workshop even more aggressively. I stuck fliers around college campuses in the Bay Area and put up more Facebook ads.

I told myself everyday several times a day that my workshop was going to be successful and I was of value. I wrote affirmations about it every day leading up to the workshop.

The day before the workshop, I called the yoga studio again to check. I held my breath. Surely, a couple people must have signed up by then.


“I’M SORRY, NO ONE HAS SIGNED UP, PRIYANKA,” THE LADY SAID.

My whole body became stiff. My heart beat faster. My lips trembled. I wanted to cry. But I didn’t let myself. I asked her whether I should even come on the workshop day. She advised me to come in case people would show up the day of the workshop.

The morning of the workshop, I wanted to simply cancel the workshop. I wanted to run away. The voice became louder telling me I told you so over and over. I agreed with the voice. It was a logical point she was making. What was the point of showing up if no one came? I would only embarrass myself.

But something was deeply transforming in me. Deep in my body, I knew the answer. That I had to go. I had to show up for my desire no matter the outcome. I couldn’t run away.

I jumped into the shower. As the warm water drizzled down my soft skin, I began to sob uncontrollably. I turned off the faucet. But tears still washed my face clean. My whole body throbbed and shook.

After this, everything seemed to be a blur. I threw on my clothes, had a quick bite, and stuffed the goodie gift bags I brought for the workshop participants and my laptop in my car.

I parked my car, but still didn’t have the courage to walk into the yoga studio.

So I called the lady and she told me again the same thing. No one had showed up. As I walked inside, something shifted inside me. I felt the fear melting. I handed her one of the gift bags and thanked her for being supportive throughout the process.

Afterwards, I treated myself to lunch. I feasted on a delicious sandwich and smiled. This was actually alright. I was proud of myself for facing my fear and not running away. This is why my higher self wanted me to go anyway. These are the lessons she wanted me to learn.


1. Show up fully for your desire.

When a desire bubbles in your heart, it’s because your soul wants you to expand and grow. Your heart never desires anything that it doesn’t feel is possible. Live with it. Feel it. I have always desired to be a creative person. It’s what nourishes my soul. I feel happy, alive, and joyful when I write and involve myself in other creative pursuits.

The purpose of your soul is to grow and expand. How? When? Why? That is different for every single person. Next time, a desire arises in you, do not dismiss it. Sit with it. Close your eyes. Visualize your desire.

How does it feel? Indulge all your senses. Touch. Smell. See. Hear. Taste. How does your heart feel? How is your body responding?

Give yourself the time and space to do this. It doesn’t matter how your desire will be manifested or even if it will be manifested. There is peace and beauty in just feeling the desire and it’s taking you on a path you don’t even realize at the moment.

By showing up for my workshop even though no one had showed up, my fear of being seen melted away and I’m now excited to forge forward with new ideas and workshops.

2. Face your fear, instead of running away.

Up to the day of the workshop, my standard impulse of running away from what scares and pushes my comfort zone raged. I really wanted to run away because I didn’t want to face my fear. It is uncomfortable and sweaty and sticky. But something clicked in my head.

I had to change how I was feeling inside in order to change my circumstances. Instead of viewing it as a roadblock, I saw it as an opportunity for change. Something needed to be changed inside me. There was a reason I was not living my life according to my truth.

Facing your fears allows you to see the patterns in your thinking that created your self-belief so you can flip those opportunities as moments for change and adopt a new self-belief that serves you.

Remember as Pema Chodron said:


“NOTHING EVER GOES AWAY UNTIL IT HAS TAUGHT US WHAT WE NEED TO KNOW.”


3. Your self-worth and value is not determined by the outcome.

One of the most important lessons I learned from this experience that my value and self-worth are not linked to the outcome of this workshop or any external person or thing.

The fact that I showed up fully for my desire is most important and my value and true state of abundance comes from inside.

You can tap into that inner feeling and state of abundance and richness anytime and that will reflect in your external world eventually. New channels and experiences will open up and take you on an even more meaningful journey.

4. Surrender deeply to the process.
Surrendering and letting go does not mean that you are giving up in any way. It is about pouring all your energy and consciousness in the moment in front of you and releasing what happened yesterday and is to happen tomorrow.

It means you are letting your energy guide your actions. It is about being in sync with your higher self and going with the flow with a gentle trust.

This process and preparation period exists because you are not fully ready to call and accept your heart’s deepest desires. You’re not ready to call in that perfect job, relationship, or large sum of money into your life.

So you are in transition. You are going through a divine process of preparation.

It means diving in even deeper with yourself and having the patience to see the beauty of this gorgeous process. It means committing to your inner growth and evolution even more passionately.

Because when that desire does finally arrive, you will be the person you need to be to fully accept and enjoy that desire. Your higher self knew this all along. The journey and destination will be that much sweeter.


Summary
Here’s a quick recap on what I learnt from no one showing up at my first workshop:
Show up fully for your desire
Face your fear, instead of running away
Your self-worth and value is not determined by the outcome
Surrender deeply to the process
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