Stop Letting Stress Bully You

If you don't learn how to control stress then it will control you. Stress kills and that doesn't just mean physically. It can have harmful effects on you physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Too many people have just accepted living "stressed out" as a way of life. But living "stressed out" causes harmful consequences.

I have a passion to educate and empower others to stress less and live happier, healthier and more fulfilled. Living overwhelmed robs us of our joy, peace, health and happiness. And many times we don't begin to recognize the effects of stress until it is too late, meaning that we might not be aware of how stress is affecting us until we begin to feel it on our body or in our mind.

You deserve to live a happier and healthier life and stress blocks that. It is extremely difficult to live an optimal life with stress always bullying you. And that is exactly what it feels like... a bully! It can overpower you and take over you if you don't conquer it.

Stress in itself is not harmful. It is our response to it that causes harmful effects. It may seem like we don't have any power over stress but we do. We may not have control over whether the stressful event happens or not but we do have control over how we respond to it. It is critical for you to learn how to respond to stress in a positive way. Dealing with stress can actually be done in a way where it is fun, energetic and relaxing.

There are many stress relieving strategies that you can begin to incorporate into your life immediately. A day stolen by stress is a day that you will never get back. That is just one reason you must decide today that you will no longer allow stress to bully you. Take your power back and let stress know who is the boss!

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Improving The Quality Of Your Life One Step At A Time

Feel like your life is bankrupt sometimes? Knowing how to improve the quality of your life can't be left for chance or vague notions.

Knowing how others have improved the quality of their lifestyles is what you need. Here are 7 keys to guarantee the quality and substance of your life will get better:

1. You can't deny that all of your life hinges upon the quality of your health. Without good health, you can't maintain the lifestyle you desire, and good health doesn't stay by accident. Paying attention to your health is the starting place for improvement.

2. The way you handle finances has a direct bearing on the condition of every part of your life. Irresponsibility to money causes untold stress in every part of life. Personal money management is a must when it comes to improving your life.

3. The condition of your life is reflected by the friends you keep. You are the people you surround yourself with. Are your friends exemplifying the quality of life you desire? Chose friends wisely for the best life possible.

4. Gratitude is the unsung hero of all great people living dynamic and enhanced lives. Gratitude includes a thank you, but goes much deeper. Thankfulness for what you have is an attitude that when practiced brings life beyond your wildest expectations.

5. Simplicity is the opposite of confusion and drama. Make your life as simple as possible by deleting everything in it that you don't truly love. Take a look around your home, and decide what you truly need, and use. Discard everything else so that your life has room to expand and improve.

6. Give, give, give. Don't be tricked into thinking that giving what you have no use for will expand the quality of your life. To watch the quality of your life explode start looking around for someone in need of what you have already. Give your money, your possessions, and your time. When you give what you use and need it will come back many times over.

7. Last and not least is a plan to learn how to improve the quality of your life. Set aside an hour each week to do nothing more than think and read about methods for making your life better. This will make you conscious of what needs changing and how to change.

Getting the most out of anything always requires giving all you have, and life is no different. Make your life a long and rewarding adventure when you live it with a conscious intention to make it great.

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What Does Being Authentic Really Mean to You?

I was reading about character vs. characterization in novel writing, and this led me to contemplate what it means to be authentic. When writers craft a novel, they need characters and need to develop the characters in a way that makes them feel real to readers. This means the writers have to know as much about the characters as possible, from eye color to habits to prime motivation in life. This is called characterization. Character is what is demonstrated when a character in a novel faces a challenge-shows their true colors, as the saying goes. It's the stuff they're made of, when push comes to shove. It's the same for us.

It's fairly easy to create a characterization, a presentation, of ourselves for others to see and believe: we can let them see whatever we prefer they see. With others, we can pay attention to what they say and do, and even what we intuit about them when we're with them, which gives us more information beyond what we see. But all of this leads to the question: what is authenticity really about?

What if it's really about how you feel about yourself, rather than what you say or do, or how you look? After all, any of us can at anytime say and do things that don't feel authentic to us but we believe is what is expected of us, or dress a certain way, whether it feels natural or not. Do you believe that to be truly authentic, you have to spill every bean about yourself to everyone? Can you keep anything private or be discerning about who you share what with and still be authentic?

As I pondered these questions, I thought about the fact that the world is peopled with introverts and extroverts. People have traits of both, but in their individual quantities. Carolyn Gregoire wrote the following in an article for The Huffington Post: "As recently as 2010, the American Psychiatric Association even considered classifying "introverted personality" as a disorder by listing it in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5), a manual used to diagnose mental illness. But more and more introverts are speaking out about what it really means to be a 'quiet' type."

I admit that for a long time I believed that outgoing people (extroverts) were demonstrating the one and only way to be authentic; so, because I'm a more quiet type (80% introvert, according to an online test I took), I judged myself as not being as authentic as someone who says, or seems to say, whatever they feel like saying about anything, and to anyone, at any time. To all you introverts out there, if you've been feeling less authentic because you're a more quiet type or because you feel a certain way and it clashes with what some believe is more "normal" or authentic (or commercially viable) behavior, you can relax and be yourself. You can gladly laugh at those online poster images that say things like "Introverts unite--in your separate homes." You get the joke better than anyone.

Gregoire included a list of 23 signs of an introvert in her article, which I'm going to share here as well as some comments about extroverts. Keep in mind that some people you might call an extrovert may actually have a bit or a good bit of introvert in them, just as introverts have a bit or a good bit of extrovert in them. You may resonate more with some of what's listed below than with others--we're all composites when it comes to our personality. Here are the 23 signs (my comments are in parentheses):

1. You find small talk incredibly cumbersome. (As an introvert, I'll say that's putting it mildly. Too much small talk can make introverts feel tired and annoyed-it's like static on a radio to them. Introverts can and will engage in small talk, but it doesn't take long for them to look for or wish for an exit. A number of aspects that follow can all be tied back into this one. Extroverts, however, will carry on conversations about anything and enjoy it well enough, if not a lot.)

2. You go to parties -- but not to meet people. (Introverts, when they do go to parties, go to see people they know, to be with people who accept them as they are and they can be relaxed around. If they do connect with a new person in a real way, they'll enjoy it. Extroverts tend to be "the more the merrier" types.)

3. You often feel alone in a crowd. (Introverts don't like crowds, or like them in small doses. They have to mentally prepare themselves for crowds. Again, extroverts tend to be "the more the merrier" types.)

4. Networking makes you feel like a phony. (Introverts prefer deeper conversations that lead to real connection. They know it may take a lot of small talk first, to find someone who will engage in deeper conversations (see No. 1). And, yet again, extroverts tend to be "the more the merrier" types.)

5. You've been called "too intense." (Introverts prefer deeper thoughts and conversations-they need them because that's their nature. They'll engage in lighter conversations, but only for so long. This doesn't mean extroverts don't enjoy deeper conversations, but they don't fuel and feed many extroverts as they do introverts.)

6. You're easily distracted. (This refers to an introvert being in an overly-stimulating environment, which stifles clear or deeper thought and engagement. Introverts may zone out in such situations, in order to conserve energy. Extroverts are comfortable in overly-stimulating environments; it fuels them.)

7. Downtime doesn't feel unproductive to you. (Downtime is a necessity for introverts. They need it to recharge their batteries and to stimulate their creativity. A whole day alone with a good book or some other downtime experience is like heaven to an introvert. Longer is even better. Extroverts tend to thrive on stimulation that comes from others and activities. They can take only so much alone time; introverts can take only so much social engagement.)

8. Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those people afterwards. (For all the reasons listed above and below. Extroverts are eager to mingle.)

9. When you get on the subway, you sit at the end of the bench -- not in the middle. (Or prefer end or back seats wherever you go-like in a theater, for fast getaways, if needed. Extroverts like to be in the mix.)

10. You start to shut down after you've been active for too long. (Introverts are often more sprinter types than marathoners, activity-wise. Extroverts have a different kind of energy reserve.)

11. You're in a relationship with an extrovert. (Introverts like to sometimes ride the "waves" with an extrovert. Notice I said "sometimes." That need for quiet, alone time is always there-an introvert can actually feel or become unwell if they don't get enough of this. Extroverts may or may not understand this need, may or may not think it's a strange way to be. Life is for living, is an extrovert's motto. The introvert lives life, just from a more inward perspective.)

12. You'd rather be an expert at one thing than try to do everything. (Introverts like to and need to focus. It's more about how well they function and feel best than about what they do; though, they need to feel aligned with what they do. Extroverts are more outwardly adventurous. An experience, for its own sake, may be more important than alignment with it, for an extrovert.)

13. You actively avoid any shows that might involve audience participation. (However if picked, an introvert might get into it, if the participation is brief enough. An extrovert might deliberately attend such a performance and even volunteer, vigorously.)

14. You screen all your calls -- even from friends. (Sophia Dembling, author of "The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World," said, "To me, a ringing phone is like having somebody jump out of a closet and go 'BOO!'" Introverts prefer to be mentally and energetically ready for phone calls (see No. 1). Plus, when deep in thought, which is often, they don't respond well to being disturbed. Extroverts love to engage anytime. It's stimulation that feeds them.)

15. You notice details that others don't. (Unless an introvert is distracted by an overly-stimulating environment, they notice details; and these can be physical ones, but often are inner ones, like emotional dynamics. Extroverts, like introverts, notice whatever they attune to, but it may be more about what someone says than why they say it.)

16. You have a constantly running inner monologue. (Introverts tend to prefer to think before they speak; and as natural thinkers, they think and process thoughts all the time. Extroverts are more comfortable with speaking first and thinking about it later. They're also more comfortable acting without thinking it through first. Both of these aspects are something introverts sometimes wish they were comfortable doing, but the fact is they aren't. Both of these are things extroverts sometimes wish they hadn't done, but it's their nature.)

17. You have low blood pressure. (A scientific study said introverts tend to have lower BP than extroverts do. This makes sense, since introverts look for deeper meanings and have all that quiet alone time to do it in. Extroverts are out there, living on the edge, for the most part. There's going to be a certain amount of stress in that way of living.) 

18. You've been called an "old soul" -- since your 20s. (Again, introverts tend to prefer to think before they speak, which can seem like wisdom to others (sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't). Extroverts tend to be more in-the-moment types-the time is now, to speak and act, which is sometimes wise and sometimes isn't.)

19. You don't feel "high" from your surroundings (Like, say, at big parties. Extroverts respond to their environments differently than introverts-they align with the energy, while introverts look for what and who they are in true alignment with).

20.You look at the big picture. (Introverts tend to be okay with details and facts, but can also engage abstract concepts, as well. Some extroverts are, again, in-the-moment types. What's happening in front of them is what's happening. Introverts tend to look for the undercurrents and dynamics.)

21.You've been told to "come out of your shell." (Introverts come out of their shells when they feel like it, thank you. But they keep their shells close by. Extroverts have shells, and sometimes they visit them.)

22.You're a writer. (Some introverts find it easier to communicate through writing; plus, all that time alone to think charges up their creativity. This doesn't mean extroverts don't write, but the ones that do likely have enough introvert in them to support this. Many extroverts would prefer to speak than write. The alone-time it takes to write might be too much for them. They may prefer to dictate their writings and have someone else type them up.)

23.You alternate between phases of work and solitude, and periods of social activity. (Too much activity can stress and tire an introvert. They know how much socializing, work, and downtime works for them. Some extroverts have to wear themselves out before they realize it's time, or past time, for downtime.)

We cannot all be the same, or some of us aren't needed. We need extroverts to enliven life and moments and stimulate the energy so it doesn't go stale. We need introverts to keep things real, to provide the bigger picture, and to calm things down. Life is like a musical composition: We need the notes (extroverts) and the rests between the notes (introverts). If a composition is all rests, there's no music. If it's all notes with no rests, there's no pause to breathe, and performers and listeners alike will pass out or gasp for air. To those of you who are extroverts, thank you for what you offer to the world and to introverts who benefit from "just enough" excitement from time to time. To those of you who are introverts, did you notice how many of the 23 are about being authentic? So if you were comparing yourself to extroverts, as I was, stop it. Both are authentic. Both are needed.

I think it's more important that you feel authentic than "appear" authentic to others so that you then perceive yourself as authentic. Authenticity comes from within, never from outside of you. Who are you comfortable being in your everyday life? Who are you--what is your true character or nature--when you face challenges? It's okay to be who you are and it's okay to discover who that is as life presents changes to and for you. It's okay to share as much of your authentic self with others as you feel comfortable with; but be sure to share it with yourself. Know thyself. Love thyself. It's a good practice, one you'll appreciate.

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How to Stop Overthinking Everything: 9 Simple Habits

What is holding people back from the life that they truly want to live?

I’d say that one very common and destructive thing is that they think too much.

They overthink every little problem until it becomes bigger and scarier and it actually is. Overthink positive things until they don’t look so positive anymore.

Or over analyse and deconstruct things and so the happiness that comes from just enjoying something in the moment disappears.

Now, thinking things through can be a great thing of course. But being an over thinker can result in becoming someone who stands still in life. In becoming someone who self-sabotages the good things that happen in life.


I know. I used to overthink things a lot and it held me back in ways that weren’t fun at all.

But in the past 8 years or so I have learned how to make this issue so small that it very rarely pops up anymore. And if it does then I know what to do then to overcome it.

In this article I would like to share 9 habits that have helped me in a big, big way to become a simpler and smarter thinker and to live a happier and less fearful life.

1. Put things into a wider perspective.
It is very easy to fall into the trap of overthinking minor things in life.

So when you are thinking and thinking about something ask yourself:

Will this matter in 5 years? Or even in 5 weeks?

I have found that widening the perspective by using this simple question can snap me quickly out of overthinking and help me to let that situation go and focus my time and energy on something that actually does matter to me.

2. Set short time-limits for decisions.

If you do not have a time-limit for when you must make a decision and take action then you can just keep turning your thoughts around and around and view them from all angles in your mind for a very long time.

So learn to become better at making decisions and to spring into action by setting deadlines in your daily life. No matter if it is a small or bigger decision.

Here’s what have worked for me.
For small decisions like if should go and do the dishes, respond to an email or work out I usually give myself 30 seconds or less to make a decision.
For somewhat larger decisions that would have taken me days or weeks to think through in the past I use a deadline for 30 minutes or for the end of the workday.

3. Become a person of action.

When you know how to get started with taking action consistently each day then you’ll procrastinate less by overthinking.

Setting deadlines is one thing that have helped me to become much more of person of action.

Taking small steps forward and only focusing on getting one small step done at a time is another habit that have worked really well.

It works so well because you do not feel overwhelmed and so you do not want flee into procrastination. And even though you may be afraid, taking just a step is such a small thing that you do not get paralysed in fear.

4. Realise that you cannot control everything.

Trying to think things through 50 times can be a way to try to control everything. To cover every eventuality so you do not risk making a mistake, fail or looking like a fool.

But those things are a part of living a life where you truly stretch your comfort zone. Everyone who you may admire and have lived a life that inspires you has failed. They have made mistakes.

But in most cases they have also seen these things as valuable feedback to learn from. Those things that may look negative have taught them a lot and have been invaluable to help them to grow.

So stop trying to control everything. Trying to do so simply doesn’t work because no one can see all possible scenarios in advance.

This is of course easier said than done. So do it in small steps if you like.

5. Say stop in situation where you know you cannot think straight.

Sometimes when I am hungry or when I am lying in bed and are about to go to sleep negative thoughts start buzzing around in my mind.

In the past they could do quite a bit of damage. Nowadays I have become good at catching them quickly and to say to myself:

No, no, we are not going to think about this now.

I know that when I am hungry or sleepy then my mind sometimes tend to be vulnerable to not thinking clearly and to negativity.

So I follow up my “no, no…” phrase and I say to myself that I will think this situation or issue through when I know that my mind will work much better.

For example, after I have eaten something or in the morning after I have gotten my hours of sleep.

It took a bit of practice to get this to work but I have gotten pretty good at postponing thinking in this way. And I know from experience that when I revisit a situation with some level-headed thinking then in 80% of the cases the issue is very small to nonexistent.

And if there is a real issue then my mind is prepared to deal with it in much better and more constructive way.

6. Do not get lost in vague fears.

Another trap that I have fallen into many times that have spurred on overthinking is that I have gotten lost in vague fears about a situation in my life. And so my mind running wild has created disaster scenarios about what could happen if I do something.

So I have learned to ask myself: honestly, what is the worst that could happen?

And when I have figured out what the worst that could happen actually is then I can also spend a little time to think about what I can do if that often pretty unlikely thing happens.

I have found that the worst that could realistically happen is usually something that is not as scary as what my mind running wild with vague fear could produce.

Finding clarity in this way usually only takes a few minutes of time and bit of energy and it can save you a lot of time and suffering.

7. Work out.

This might sound a bit odd.

But in my experience working out – especially with lifting weights – can help me to let go of inner tensions and worries.

It most often makes me feel more decisive and when I was more of an over thinker then it was often my go-to method of changing the head space I was in to a more constructive one.

8. Spend more of your time in the present moment.

By being in the present moment in your everyday life rather than in the past or a possible future in your mind you can replace more and more of the time you usually spend on overthinking things with just being here right now instead.

Three ways that I often use to reconnect with the present moment are:
Slow down. Slow down how you do whatever you are doing right now. Move slower, talk slower or ride your bicycle more slowly for example. By doing so you become more aware of how you use your body and what is happening all around you right now.
Tell yourself: Now I am… I often tell myself this: Now I am X. And X could be brushing my teeth. Taking a walk in the woods. Or doing the dishes. This simple reminder helps my mind to stop wandering and brings my focus back to what is happening in this moment.
Disrupt and reconnect. If you feel you are getting lost in overthinking then disrupt that thought by – in your mind – shouting this to yourself : STOP! Then reconnect with the present moment by taking just 1-2 minutes to focus fully on what is going on around you. Take it all in with all your senses. Feel it, hear it, smell it, see it and sense it on your skin.

9. Spend more of your time with people who do not overthink things.

Your social environment plays a big part. And not just the people and groups close to you in real life. But also what you read, listen to and watch. The blogs, books, forums, movies, podcasts and music in your life.

So think about if there are any sources in your life – close by or further away – that encourages and tends create more overthinking in your mind. And think about what people or sources that has the opposite effect on you.

Find ways to spend more of your time and attention with the people and sources that have a positive effect on your thinking and less on the influences that tends to strengthen your overthinking habit.

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10 Ways to Benefit From Your Greatest Fears

Once the richest man in the world, Warren Buffet was known to be the most successful investor in the 20th century.

His biggest fear was public speaking and in college, he would select courses that didn’t require him to give presentations or speak to a room full of people. He even enrolled for a public speaking course before dropping it before even attending the first session!

He was 21 when he started his career in investment and soon realized that if he wanted to mark a niche of his own, he would have to overcome his greatest fears and only then move forward.

10 Ways You Can Benefit From Your Greatest Fears

If you want to become a better and bigger version of yourself, then you have to face your fears, not run away from them. When conflict arises, most people are conditioned to take ‘flight’ instead of ‘fight’.

That’s when success comes to pass; not when you are cozy in your comfort zone, successful growth starts when you get out of your comfort zone.

When you face your fears, it gives you this strength and confidence which you thought you never had in you; fear is nature’s way to tell you to raise the bar to higher standards of living.

When you become aware that your greatest fear is meant to develop you into a better and bigger person, you will be able to then start using your fear to your own advantage. Here we have listed a few ways that you can benefit from your greatest fears:

1. Unleash Your Full Potential

If you are reading this article then you must already be aware that you have a lot of potential which is simply being blocked by your greatest fears.

Fear, if misread, stops you from progressing. Thoughts and actions that are lead by fear always fall short of your full potential. Feeling fear, would be your first cue to know that on the other side, there lies a better you.


2. Move Faster Than Your Greatest Fear

Remember that fear is always counter-intuitive, that means, fear is urging you to move forward when you ideally feel to stop. Fear is the one feeling that actually can encourage you to go ahead.

When you pause mid-sentence, stop in your tracks and begin to think that if you take another step, you will fail, you tend to start feeling fear. That’s when you need to move faster than your fear.


3. Use Fear as an Incentive to Move Ahead

When you live a compromised life, in your business or in your personal life, you start to feel weak and less confident about yourself. When you feel small, you are actually delaying the time when life wants to satisfy you.


When you embrace your fear, although, not letting it win, that’s when you begin to feel more confident.

When you overcome fear, you can increase your confidence level every step of the way.


4. When in Fear, Analyze

The fear you feel, is never without reason. Analyze what you are afraid of and why. When you spend time analyzing your fear, it can give you the chance to answer some unanswered questions and turn that negative mind-block into a positive step ahead.

5. Use Fear as a Safety Belt

Remember that fear is always your ally.

When you feel fear about something, it is a cue to pay more attention to your situation. Fear can actually tell you that ‘it’s now or never’ and other times, it can even urge you to ‘sleep on it’. Fear is your cue to stop and think, negotiate and plan your next step.

6. Get Positive Energy from Your Fear

Remember that everything you ever need is on the other side of your fear.

When you treat fear as any other feeling, that is, when you treat fear as a pathway of a new opportunity – which is a positive experience, it can give you a lot of positive energy to move forward.


7. Fear, as a Stepping Stone of Wisdom

When you do things you previously thought you ca never do, it forces you to experience new things, you then become wiser and not limited to your growth.

Fear can be linked to your instinct. Most times its hard to listen to your gut feelings, but when you feel fear, it is time to take note of it and then take action.


8. You Can Be Yourself

It’s normal to feel fear of being yourself in front of others. Most people wear masks when they are working, and they are a completely different person when they are at home.

The truth of the matter is that people are drawn to more authentic people. It is very courageous to be your authentic self when most people around you are fake.

9. You Can Make it Your Feature

Just as some bugs in IT world can be presented as features, you can do it with your fear, too. Fears can be part of your charisma, and you should not be ashamed of them.

Of course, not every fear, but some phobias that you can’t overcome just with your willpower, or some harmless types like fear of ghosts in the closet, can totally coexist with strong and successful personality.


10. You Can Organize a Club

A club for people with fear of height, or being buried alive, or finding a spider in the bed.

Such experience is:
a) Simply fun
b) Trains you to be a leader or moderator;
c) Cooperates a group of people around you, with numerous interests and experience. You can do something big together, which doesn’t have to be connected with the fear, too.
d) You can help people and yourself to overcome that fear with some activities, and just remain great friends for life.



Choose the way to turn your weakness into your strong feature, and you will benefit even from your greatest fears!

What are your greatest fears? Leave a comment below.

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