Are You Getting in the Way?

Getting out of our busy mode and into our heart occasionally, I'm certain that many of us would find at least one moment during our day where we could pause, reflect on a situation, and see something that we can do to make a difference in someone else's life.

The pace of life and work has increased a lot and I daresay we don't give as much thought as we could to the circumstances of other people's lives. Sometimes, we're so caught up in our own struggle that we don't think we can even afford the time to "give" our time, suggestions, talents, to others. And yet, if we do, we are rewarded.

We are often times, throughout our lives, able to experience richness, synchronicity, and reward through small acts of generosity. This isn't even about money, although sometimes the rewards will impact our financial status as well. And yet, we fail too often when we are so self-absorbed or consumed by our own situation thinking we'd give up too much by helping.

So, this is just a gentle reminder for all of us to pay attention to at least one "little thing" that will make a difference for someone else. Try to make it for someone you don't know well or don't know at all; family and friends are too easy and natural.

What do you think you could do to make a difference? I would absolutely love to hear from YOU! 

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Developing Self-Esteem

It would be pretty hard to become successful without first developing your self-esteem. In fact, I can't think of one person who is very successful who has low self-esteem.

Before we start going on about self-esteem, let's take a second to define self-esteem.

What is self-esteem? Self-esteem is defined as feelings of self-worth stemming from the individual's 

positive or negative beliefs about being valuable and capable.

It is pretty hard to develop self-esteem when you are working on a job that doesn't allow you to be 

exactly who you were meant to be. If you are working at a job that doesn't quite fit with who you are, 

chances are that job is messing with your self-esteem. How can you feel good about yourself if Monday through Friday for 8 to 10 hours, you are doing something that doesn't help in the development of your self-esteem?

The answer is - you can't.

You can't possibly feel good about yourself and what happens is, you start questioning your abilities. 

You start wondering if you are good enough or smart enough. You see others who seem to be doing well and having success, but for some reason, you keep falling short.

If you do not have high self-esteem, you will start to believe that you are at fault and that you don't 

measure up or you can't make the grade. The truth of the matter is, you aren't living your life with purpose. Because you lack passion for the job or career that you find yourself in, you will find that often times, you won't be excited about it. Your lack of enthusiasm will cause your work to not be up to par. It has nothing to do with your abilities. You can't be all that great at something if you are constantly watching the clock; waiting for your break or for the day to end because you are simply tired of being there. If you were doing something that you really enjoyed doing, something that you were passionate about, you would not help BUT measure up and excel the standards. 

Someone would probably have to tell you, "Hey, you, it's quitting time." And the time would seem to fly by without you even taking a lunch break.

How do we get in this position? How did we lose our self-worth?

Well, there are many answers to that question.

Perhaps one or both of your parents made you feel that you weren't worthy of their love because they 

didn't know how to give love. Or, perhaps a teacher or authority figure made you feel that you weren't smart enough. Maybe your siblings or childhood friends teased you and made you feel less than.

These, plus millions of other reasons, are contributing factors in how we see our self-worth. If you see yourself as being not worthy, then you will shy away from responsibilities. Often, these responsibilities, when they present themselves, may be the answer to our prayers--they may be the 

one thing that will lead us to living the life that we desire--to achieving that success that we've always wanted. But our doubts about ourselves and our low self awareness stop us from accomplishing our goals.

It's really sad. It hurts my heart when I hear someone say something negative about themselves. I have a girlfriend, who I think is very smart, a great person with a big and wonderful heart, and very entrepreneurial spirit. But she has this bad habit of saying, "I'm a bimbo." Every time I hear her say these words, I stop her. But I can imagine how many times she says it when I'm NOT around. She's not a bimbo. But because somewhere during her lifetime, someone probably called her a bimbo so much she simply accepts it as being the truth. Because of her "opinion" of herself, she often times 

experiences moments of doubt about herself.But how to do you change your opinion of yourself? 

How do you develop high self-esteem? Well, folks, as I always say, "it's simple--but it ain't easy."

In order to develop high self-esteem, you must start with being conscious of your self-talk--the things you say to and about yourself. Whenever you find yourself doubting your abilities or fearing what others will think of you--STOP, 

Tell yourself that you are just as good as or better than the next person. Tell yourself that you KNOW, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you can perform the task and do a good job at it too. If you find yourself saying anything negative about you--STOP AT ONCE!! Put the brakes on. Hold it now!!! 

And change that thought to a positive one. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself "I'm a winner. I'm a champion! I can do anything!" When you tell yourself this, take the time to FEEL as if you ARE a winner, a champion--how would a winner feel? Great, right? Well, make yourself feel great. Say it as if you really and truly mean it.

If you do this often enough, you will start to convince your subconscious mind that you ARE GREAT (which, by the way, you truly are already--you just don't know it yet. I do.) The more you become convinced, the higher your self-esteem will rise.

ACTION POINT! For the next 7 days, if you find yourself saying or thinking anything negative about yourself - STOP. Put the brakes on that thought. If someone says anything negative to you or about you--STOP tell that person, or simply tell yourself, "No, I'm not. I'm a winner, I'm a champion!" When you wake up each morning and go to the bathroom to wash your face, look in the mirror and say, "I'm a winner! I'm a champion! I'm a GREAT person!" Say it over and over and over again until you can feel it in your bones. Say it loud if you can (if you can't say it loud because you will wake up others, or you don't want them to think you are talking to yourself--then say it so that you can at least hear it.) Do this for a week and write me and tell me all about the new experiences that have been happening in your life because I know things will start happening and I'd like to hear 

about them.

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Sticking To Your Dreams During Hard Times

No one has achieved greatness without facing difficulties along the way. You may face some challenges as you try to achieve your goals, this article is written to help you get through such challenges.

1. Take a break if you have to

Sometimes when you are down, all you may need is a break from work. You may need to isolate yourself for a while to get refreshed. A lot of people have come up with the best ideas in their lives during such periods of rest. Learn to take short pauses during each work day and plan to spend some of your vacation in isolation.

2. Surround yourself with positive people

When choosing friends, select people who have a positive perspective about life. Look for people who always see the bright side of things, people who see things as they should be. Positive people have a way of lifting our spirits when we are down, they help us to tune our focus in the right direction.

3. Keep your mind on your target

Many times the journey seems tedious and stressful because we place our focus on the difficulties we face. Learn to always stay focused on the target no matter the challenges you face and you will find inner strength to continue. visualize your goals every time. Put pictures that remind you of what you desire to achieve in locations where you can easily see them. This will help keep your mind focused on what you want to achieve.

4. Ask for help

No man is an island and no one can achieve greatness without the help of others. You are not an exception so get help. You may never be able to go the whole journey alone, you would need help somewhere along the line. When that time comes, be humble enough to ask for assistance. It doesn't mean you are weak if you ask for help, it means you are human.

5. Decide never to quit

The moment you are clear on what you want to achieve, you will start seeing a lot of things that may deter you. You have to make a personal resolve never to quit, this is where a lot of people miss it. How can you achieve your goals if you quit too soon? Imagine the heroes we celebrate in the world today, what would have happened if they quit? Stay on it, fight if you have to, scream and cry, feel the pain and hurt but don't quit.

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The Formula for Letting Go

One of the worst ways of spending your day is worrying about something. Whether it’s troubles with money, a fight with a loved one, feeling guilty for something, it doesn’t matter. As long as your mind fixates on worrying about a certain topic, it just ruins your entire day. You can’t focus on anything else and it eats away at you, and the only solution for that is something that’s much easier said than done: letting go.

Everyone tells you to “let it go” when you’re feeling stressed about something, but almost nobody tells you how to let it go, and it’s not easy at all. Usually you try for a few minutes and realise that, if you could, you would have a long time ago. With that in mind, my goal with this post is to explain how you can take those troubles out of your head and enjoy the rest of your day.

First, I’ll show you my formula for letting go and then I’ll explain every aspect of it. Ready? Here it goes.
Can you do anything about what’s troubling you?

Yes = Do it
No = Accept that

I know it seems overly simplistic, but it’s a clear way of remembering the mindset you must have when faced with stressful situations. Let’s dive into it and figure out all the details.
Is There Anything You Can Do?

First of all, you can see that it’s very important to analyze whether you have any control over your troubles or not, because that will determine what you can do about them. If you’re stressed about the results of your job interview, then there’s nothing you can do about it but wait. If you’re feeling guilty because you didn’t work out the entire week, you can simply go to the gym and work out right now to mitigate that.

The problem is, most of the time, we don’t care whether we have control over our problems or not. We worry and worry as if it’s going to change anything, and then feel bad because it didn’t. When you stop and think about how much you can do in this situation, it starts to make that burden lighter because you start focusing on what you can do. You turn your attention to actions instead of feelings.

Once you ask yourself that question, your mindset changes. It puts you in a more logical and analytical position, which is what you need to counter that emotionally charged mindset of worrying about money or relationships, for example. With that said and done, let’s take a look at your options.
If Your Answer Is Yes

If there is something you can do about your situation, you need to figure out what it is. This will force you to accept that you either have to take action or deal with the fact that you put yourself in that position. If you can do something but won’t, you run out of excuses to keep worrying about it.

Let’s say you have a very important exam in a week and you’re feeling stressed. Can you do something about it? Yes, you can study. Now if you decide to study, you can stop feeling guilty or stressed because you are doing your part. Since all the rest isn’t in your control, your best bet is to understand that by doing your part you are giving yourself permission to not worry about it anymore. Feelings aren’t rational and chances are you’ll still feel stressed about it, but your best chance at mitigating that feeling is trying to be rational with yourself. We like to be consistent as human beings so if you show your mind that you’ve done what you could, it’ll be much easier to accept that there’s no need to worry.

However, if you can study but won’t, then you have to deal with that decision. Feeling guilty about it won’t change anything, and you’ve made your mind. In either case you need to get to a definitive answer so you can be at peace. Here you have to accept that you chose not to take action and that’s the end of the story. Put all of this in rational terms so you don’t let your emotions take over. You could do something but you won’t? Fine, then so be it. Accept that and realize that feeling guilty or worrying won’t change the fact that you won’t take action. If you know you won’t study until the night before the test, then accept that and forget about it until the day comes. If you find you can’t forget about it, then study. Whatever you choose, the only way you’ll be at peace is by giving closure to your worries. Do it or don’t, but put an end to it in your mind.
If Your Answer Is No

Now if you can’t do anything about it, it’s a very different story. When the answer was ‘yes’ you had control over certain aspects of your situation. In this case, you most likely feel powerless. It’s one thing to choose not to act and another entirely to not be able to act.

Going back to the exam situation, let’s say you took it and feel you didn’t do well. What can you do about it? Realistically, nothing. Your teacher will grade your exam and all you can do is wait for the results.

This is stressful because you fear the consequences of not doing well on your test, but you feel powerless because it’s too late to study more and you can’t retake it. The key is to understand that there’s nothing you can do, and worrying won’t change that. Although not being in control might seem like a burden, it can actually be your ticket to freedom.

Once you realize that there’s nothing you can do and that being stressed won’t change anything, the only option is letting go. If you’re able to make your mind see the rational side of it, it’ll be easier to realize that all you can do is forget about it until the results come in.

Now I know all of this is very difficult to achieve. Like I said at the beginning: easier said than done, right? But it’s still vital that we understand how this whole ‘letting go’ process should work. In order to help you actually achieve that, let’s take a look at some strategies that might help.
Strategies To Stop Worrying

Whenever we’re worried about something, it’s because we fear the consequences. There wouldn’t be a reason to be concerned with your exams if the grades didn’t stop you from passing the classes, and money wouldn’t be a problem if you didn’t need it to survive. We focus on the problems that might arise and get anxious before anything even happens.

One way of easing that pain is by doing some smart thinking on these very consequences. We have a tendency to exaggerate what would happen if things went wrong, which is one of the reasons why we worry so much. When you look back, you’ll see most of your worries never came to be and were probably much more dramatic than what could have happened. This quote (usually attributed to Mark Twain) captures that feeling pretty well:

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”

Challenge your mind to give you concrete reasons to worry so much about everything, and you might just realise your worries might not be justified.

Now if your worries are justified, think about how big the consequences actually are. As I’ve said above, most of our fears are blown out of proportion. The best way to deal with that is by going through what would be the worst case scenario, how you would get out of it, and what is most likely to happen.

The point here is that we always find a way out, so if you force yourself to actually go through how bad the worst case scenario would be and how you would overcome it, your mind is getting used to the idea that no matter what happens, you can turn this around. It’s also a way of showing you that the consequences are usually much smaller than we make them out to be. Didn’t get the mark you needed to pass a subject in high school? You’ll do it next year; it doesn’t matter at all in the big scheme of things. Lost your life savings in an economic crash? Of course that’s much much worse, but you know you’ll survive this. There’s always a graver situation that’s been overcome before. You know you’ll find a way no matter what happens.

Letting go is about determining whether you can do something or not, and then acting on that information. It’s also about realising that our problems are much more manageable than we tend to realise. In the end, people who are at peace and comfortable with letting go understand that 90% of what we worry about doesn’t matter in the slightest. Once we focus on what is truly important, it becomes harder and harder to care about all the small annoyances of life.

Source

The Formula for Letting Go

One of the worst ways of spending your day is worrying about something. Whether it’s troubles with money, a fight with a loved one, feeling guilty for something, it doesn’t matter. As long as your mind fixates on worrying about a certain topic, it just ruins your entire day. You can’t focus on anything else and it eats away at you, and the only solution for that is something that’s much easier said than done: letting go.

Everyone tells you to “let it go” when you’re feeling stressed about something, but almost nobody tells you how to let it go, and it’s not easy at all. Usually you try for a few minutes and realise that, if you could, you would have a long time ago. With that in mind, my goal with this post is to explain how you can take those troubles out of your head and enjoy the rest of your day.

First, I’ll show you my formula for letting go and then I’ll explain every aspect of it. Ready? Here it goes.
Can you do anything about what’s troubling you?

Yes = Do it
No = Accept that

I know it seems overly simplistic, but it’s a clear way of remembering the mindset you must have when faced with stressful situations. Let’s dive into it and figure out all the details.
Is There Anything You Can Do?

First of all, you can see that it’s very important to analyse whether you have any control over your troubles or not, because that will determine what you can do about them. If you’re stressed about the results of your job interview, then there’s nothing you can do about it but wait. If you’re feeling guilty because you didn’t work out the entire week, you can simply go to the gym and work out right now to mitigate that.

The problem is, most of the time, we don’t care whether we have control over our problems or not. We worry and worry as if it’s going to change anything, and then feel bad because it didn’t. When you stop and think about how much you can do in this situation, it starts to make that burden lighter because you start focusing on what you can do. You turn your attention to actions instead of feelings.

Once you ask yourself that question, your mindset changes. It puts you in a more logical and analytical position, which is what you need to counter that emotionally charged mindset of worrying about money or relationships, for example. With that said and done, let’s take a look at your options.
If Your Answer Is Yes

If there is something you can do about your situation, you need to figure out what it is. This will force you to accept that you either have to take action or deal with the fact that you put yourself in that position. If you can do something but won’t, you run out of excuses to keep worrying about it.

Let’s say you have a very important exam in a week and you’re feeling stressed. Can you do something about it? Yes, you can study. Now if you decide to study, you can stop feeling guilty or stressed because you are doing your part. Since all the rest isn’t in your control, your best bet is to understand that by doing your part you are giving yourself permission to not worry about it anymore. Feelings aren’t rational and chances are you’ll still feel stressed about it, but your best chance at mitigating that feeling is trying to be rational with yourself. We like to be consistent as human beings so if you show your mind that you’ve done what you could, it’ll be much easier to accept that there’s no need to worry.

However, if you can study but won’t, then you have to deal with that decision. Feeling guilty about it won’t change anything, and you’ve made your mind. In either case you need to get to a definitive answer so you can be at peace. Here you have to accept that you chose not to take action and that’s the end of the story. Put all of this in rational terms so you don’t let your emotions take over. You could do something but you won’t? Fine, then so be it. Accept that and realise that feeling guilty or worrying won’t change the fact that you won’t take action. If you know you won’t study until the night before the test, then accept that and forget about it until the day comes. If you find you can’t forget about it, then study. Whatever you choose, the only way you’ll be at peace is by giving closure to your worries. Do it or don’t, but put an end to it in your mind.

If Your Answer Is No

Now if you can’t do anything about it, it’s a very different story. When the answer was ‘yes’ you had control over certain aspects of your situation. In this case, you most likely feel powerless. It’s one thing to choose not to act and another entirely to not be able to act.

Going back to the exam situation, let’s say you took it and feel you didn’t do well. What can you do about it? Realistically, nothing. Your teacher will grade your exam and all you can do is wait for the results.

This is stressful because you fear the consequences of not doing well on your test, but you feel powerless because it’s too late to study more and you can’t retake it. The key is to understand that there’s nothing you can do, and worrying won’t change that. Although not being in control might seem like a burden, it can actually be your ticket to freedom.

Once you realise that there’s nothing you can do and that being stressed won’t change anything, the only option is letting go. If you’re able to make your mind see the rational side of it, it’ll be easier to realise that all you can do is forget about it until the results come in.

Now I know all of this is very difficult to achieve. Like I said at the beginning: easier said than done, right? But it’s still vital that we understand how this whole ‘letting go’ process should work. In order to help you actually achieve that, let’s take a look at some strategies that might help.
Strategies To Stop Worrying

Whenever we’re worried about something, it’s because we fear the consequences. There wouldn’t be a reason to be concerned with your exams if the grades didn’t stop you from passing the classes, and money wouldn’t be a problem if you didn’t need it to survive. We focus on the problems that might arise and get anxious before anything even happens.

One way of easing that pain is by doing some smart thinking on these very consequences. We have a tendency to exaggerate what would happen if things went wrong, which is one of the reasons why we worry so much. When you look back, you’ll see most of your worries never came to be and were probably much more dramatic than what could have happened. This quote (usually attributed to Mark Twain) captures that feeling pretty well:

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”

Challenge your mind to give you concrete reasons to worry so much about everything, and you might just realise your worries might not be justified.

Now if your worries are justified, think about how big the consequences actually are. As I’ve said above, most of our fears are blown out of proportion. The best way to deal with that is by going through what would be the worst case scenario, how you would get out of it, and what is most likely to happen.

The point here is that we always find a way out, so if you force yourself to actually go through how bad the worst case scenario would be and how you would overcome it, your mind is getting used to the idea that no matter what happens, you can turn this around. It’s also a way of showing you that the consequences are usually much smaller than we make them out to be. Didn’t get the mark you needed to pass a subject in high school? You’ll do it next year; it doesn’t matter at all in the big scheme of things. Lost your life savings in an economic crash? Of course that’s much much worse, but you know you’ll survive this. There’s always a graver situation that’s been overcome before. You know you’ll find a way no matter what happens.

Letting go is about determining whether you can do something or not, and then acting on that information. It’s also about realising that our problems are much more manageable than we tend to realise. In the end, people who are at peace and comfortable with letting go understand that 90% of what we worry about doesn’t matter in the slightest. Once we focus on what is truly important, it becomes harder and harder to care about all the small annoyances of life.

Source