Don't Let Life Happen to You

Don't Let Life Happen To You

It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live. - Marcus Aurelius (121-80 AD, Roman Emperor, Philosopher)

It's hard to believe that we are nearing the end of another year. As I write this, snow is falling in Colorado, the makings of a fantastic Thanksgiving dinner are in the kitchen, and our newspapers are filled with holiday ads. The end of the year always tends to be a time of reflection as we look back on the accomplishments of the past year and look forward to a new year. It's also a time to reflect on our lives and ensure that we are living the life we want.

It's easy to look at ones life and be content with where you are. You have a good job, a spouse or significant other, children, a nice car, and all of the trappings of success. Clearly you are well on your way to success. But the real question is, are you happy with what you are doing?

No, this is not an article about the spiritual side of your life. Normally these articles focus all of the attention on management and leadership concepts that you can use to shape your career, improve your performance, and move up the ladder of success. But as we enter a new year it is important to take a step back and make sure that the path you are on is the right path for you.

You see life has a way of just happening to people. Your first job tends to be the job that you were first offered, in an industry that may or may not really interest you, doing what you may or may not have a real talent in. Your career then tends to grow from there. You get promoted or change companies, but tend to stay with what you are familiar with and what you have done in the past. Months turn into years and at some point in time you find that you are on a career path that you never really intended to be on at all. It may be a great, wonderful career path doing all of the things that are important to you, or it may be a path where you have had some successes, but don't find inspiring.

In short, your life has been on autopilot. That is when you know that life has happened to you.

You didn't plan to be where you are. And while you are not unhappy with where you are, you are not happy with it either. It does not speak to your inner being.

The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose. - Richard Leider

As you sit down in the coming weeks to plan your new years resolutions, take a few extra minutes to think about where you are in your life and where you are in your career. If you have not made a life plan in the past, start one now. Identify your core values. Identify what is important to you in life and in your career. Figure out were you want to be in 10 years and make sure your current path will take you there.

Your life is a fairy tale, with the journey unscripted. Take control of your life and write your own script. Understand your desires and passions and build a plan for your life that will be a source of happiness and pride. It may be in management and leadership. It may be in the arts. But whatever it is, make sure that you control your life and that your life does not just happen to you.

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Ways To Increase Motivation

What pulls you, drives you, pushes you?

It might seem like the people around us are very polarized -- some people want to make a difference to the environment, while others want to retire at 50 -- but research shows that humans are actually much more complex and multifaceted than this.

It isn't just one thing that motivates and allows us to make that motivation breakthrough, but many things all at once. Researchers have narrowed down the many motivators to a few distinct categories. If you want to get to that motivation place within, then here are a few pointers that will aid in your self help motivation.

Goal Setting

Setting goals can improve motivation and get you moving. But when setting goals make sure they feel achievable, realistic, and that they really do motivate you. Improving your average sale at work may not push your buttons, though it looks good on a resume -- so what does push your buttons? Saving up for a holiday to Fiji? Taking art classes at night?

These sorts of goals might inspire you to push your average sale up, for example, more than just focusing on improving your work performance.

Goals should feel exciting. They are tied in with your dreams you have for your future. If, however, you find that your goal setting is too daunting or feels to difficult, you may have overreached what you feel is capable and achievable. Instead of writing a novel, maybe just start with a short story.

Then work your way up to 5 stories. Once you have completed 10 stories, even if it takes a whole year, writing a novel may not freak you out. It will probably feel more achievable by then.

Understanding Your Drives

According to a study published by the Incentive Research Foundation in 2011, there are four basic drives that determine human motivation: acquiring, comprehending, bonding and defending.

Acquiring is about the tangible benefits we can gain e.g. money, skills, training, promotions, respect, etc.

Comprehending has to do with doing something we feel is meaningful, such as working with complex ideas, creativity, or participating in a job that makes a difference to the world. Bonding all about friendship, camaraderie, and social connection.

Defending takes into account issues around fairness and justice -- we are more motivated to work with and for people who treat us (and others) well, than those who treat us (and others) unfairly.

While some people may feel they lean more towards one drive than another, the studies show humans actually need a balance of all four areas. Failing in one area can negatively impact how we feel about all other areas. When you achieve a holistic balance of all four drives, you naturally access that motivation place within, make that motivation breakthrough, and become highly motivated.

Teaming Up

Setting goals, chanting affirmations, working on projects -- it all helps, but sometimes you just need a bit more external support.

Some of us thrive from working alone, the triumph is all the more great once you reach the finish line all by yourself. But some of us are team players. Support, camaraderie, creative collaboration -- working with others brings a lot to our lives and the things we are trying so desperately to achieve.

If you are not sure what you prefer, just try it. Invite someone to collaborate on a project, partner up with some like-minded colleagues, or join a group. Not only does this sort of networking provide you wish fresh perspectives and ideas, it also provides accountability. Tell people about your goals and projects.

It can really motivate you to know that someone supports your dreams, and is cheering you on.

Conserving Energy

Increasing motivation is hard when you are tired. Often people are hard-working and dedicated to their goals. But dedication can lead to fatigue, if you don't pace yourself and self-manage your energy output. Even when you love what you do, even when you feel happy and excited, the mind and body need to rest.

Being "on" all the time, or worse, experiencing chronic stress, can lead to fatigue and exhaustion that feels as if it leeches into every part of life. At this point, you need to be realistic. It is hard to be motivated if you have pushed your system too hard.

To increase your motivation, the best thing you can do is take time out and re-fuel. Take a break from your goals, take a break even from your career or job, just for a little while, if it is possible.

People who care about you always want to help out. Ask those around you to share the load, so you can get away for a while. Ask yourself how long -- you know the answer. One weekend? A week? A month?

Soon as you get the rest you need, being motivated and enthusiastic about your goals becomes a whole lot easier.

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Why Free Time Is An Illusion That Kills Dreams

“REPLACE REGRETS WITH DREAMS. WHENEVER YOU START THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE, SHIFT YOUR FOCUS TO WHAT YOU PLAN TO DO NOW. IT’S FAR MORE EMPOWERING AND A LOT LESS DRAINING.” – LORI DESCHENE

I used to think that I wanted more free time, but I discovered that what I really wanted was more time focused on my dreams. More to the point, working on those dreams.

It’s not so bad to be busy as it is to be busy doing thing which don’t move us in the direction we want.

Our time is often divided between doing something we hate (a job), and the time in between that where many people look to escapism for relief; maybe focusing on other people’s lives or things that “pass the time”.

With finite time to do everything we’ve ever dreamed of, how could we simply “pass the time” instead of doing something with it?

“LACK OF DIRECTION, NOT LACK OF TIME, IS THE PROBLEM. WE ALL HAVE TWENTY-FOUR HOUR DAYS.” – ZIG ZIGLAR

The time we pass frivolously is the time we could use to create a compelling future and an exciting present.

Imagine never being bored again.

Imagine a fire deep inside that compels you to get up early not because you have to, but because you can’t wait to get back at it.

Imagine if you could live every day without, “Blegh, it’s Monday” or “I can’t wait for the weekend!”

Being fully engaged in your work, something big that you’re creating which makes you excited is the best way to eliminate the idea of free time. Instead, we can replace it more accurately with just time.


Why Free Time Is An Illusion

If more people dedicated their so-called free time to something worthwhile, they could soon eliminate the need to segment their time artificially. Instead, time is wasted frivolously, and the pattern continues.

Here are some suggestions to get the most out of every day, and eliminate “free time”.

1) Being Present

I’m a highly driven man, but I don’t let time pass without enjoying every moment in the present, including my work.


It’s important to keep an eye on the prize but never forget the here and now. Experience it and enjoy it.

Better quality experiences = fulfillment

Working on something big is not only motivating, but it will create the most intense experiences and lessons in our lives.

The end result of dedicating every available moment to our passion is a deep sense of fulfillment, and that’s before receiving the end prize. As long as we’re progressing, we’ll feel alive.


2) Grit

It’s not all going to be fun.

In fact, working on creating something you don’t already have will require you to grow into another person. The biggest factor that will determine how you grow, and the outcome you get from that growth, will be your ability to stick to it even when it sucks.

That’s grit, that’s fortitude and that’s mental toughness.


3) New Habits
Our habits can often work against our own desires, that is until we decide which habits to adopt. Making the best use of time means letting go of bad habits which drain our days.

Training ourselves to do what we need to do when we need to do it will move us towards our goals faster. Make a habit of it.

“HOW WE DO ONE THING IS HOW WE DO EVERYTHING.”

4) Work Hard, But Enjoy Your Breaks

When it’s go-time, it’s time to work, but when you’re eating, spending time with family, or taking some quiet time, then it’s time to let everything else go.

This is one reason why it’s so important to put everything we’ve got into the work we’re doing to achieve our goals at every possible moment; when we take a break we’ll enjoy it that much more because we can rest satisfied that we did everything we could do.

5) Eliminate Small Barriers

It’s often the small things that can get in the way of doing what we want.

A simple personal development concept called “activation energy” could help you become much more productive when used strategically. The principle is that anything that makes any given task just a little more time consuming or difficult can be all it takes to stop the task altogether.

For example, from the book the Happiness Advantage: The author wanted to play his guitar but he put it in the closet, only twenty seconds from the couch he would sit on every night. It wasn’t a big deal to get up and grab the guitar from the couch, but it just wasn’t happening.

One day he got a guitar stand which he placed conveniently right beside the couch, and immediately the difference was apparent. Every night after work when he went to relax the guitar was right there, and it was natural to grab it and start playing.

Making something just a little more convenient can be the difference between doing it and forgetting about it.


6) Get More Hours Out of Every Day

Personally, my day starts with a workout at 5:30 AM and then I work all day until till 10 pm.

I never thought I would enjoy working such long hours, but it’s made me much more satisfied than I’ve ever been before. I know that every hour spent on my goals moves the needle a little more.

It wasn’t like that before… I used to work hard, I thought, but I was always spinning my tires and getting nowhere. It turns out that I wasn’t dedicating nearly enough time to make anything substantial happen. I had way too much “free time” because I would call it a day when I got tired.

Usually, the effort required to make big goals a reality is far higher than most of us anticipate, and this will turn to frustration and eventually give up when we decide, “It doesn’t work”.

More work is the cure. If your tires are spinning and you feel like your efforts are going nowhere then you might not be doing enough.

The easiest way to assess this is to look at what you actually do with your time.

Facebook? Sitting in a bar with buddies? Watching cat videos on YouTube in the evening?

If you haven’t “made it” then you’re throwing this time away. What un-fulfilling activity could you eliminate from the day to get more quality time?


7) The Concept of Segmented Time

There’s no such thing as free time, only time. At every given moment we have to choose what we do with it.

It’s important to change our mindset about time if we ever really want to do great things. If we look at time as something that is dispensable, we’ll waste it. It’s a lack of foresight into our mortality that leads us to squander our most precious resource.

Bored?

Boredom is a product of the wrong focus. I couldn’t imagine being bored because I’m always engaged, focuses on my ambition.

To eliminate boredom first look at what you’re thinking about. If it’s not compelling or inspiring then it’s time to change your focus to something that gets you excited, then do it.


Summary

Anything that doesn’t move you forward will leave you behind.
There is no free time, only time
Every moment we can choose how to spend our time
Experience the present moment to get the most out of it
Choose quality experiences over escapism
Work hard
Take satisfying breaks to recharge
Develop grit (mental toughness)
If you’re not reaching your goals you may be focusing time on the wrong things
Create habits that help you move forward
Eliminate small barriers to prevent procrastination

Have anything to add to this article? Leave a comment below.

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