What To Do What Your Anger Is Out Of Control

How frequent is it when you notice that your anger and emotions are getting out of control that's driving you all sorts of inappropriate, reckless, crazy behaviors?

To the majority of us, it's undeniable that life is tough, challenging and stressful these days. However, it is still important to learn how to control your temper.

One critical thing to remember is that you are always 100% in control of your emotions.

While you should never find yourself in a situation that you can't control, you always have choices as to how to react to any kinds of situations.

By allowing yourself to even think that your temper is controlled by other people or circumstances, you are just making an excuse for yourself!

To a certain extent, anger is actually a powerful emotional response.

It reminds you what you don't like about your life and what matters to you. It allows you freely express your frustrated feelings, but it should never overpower your self-control.

If you find that you are turning into a violent beast when angry hits you, you have an imminent dangerous problem to fix. If you really find it difficult to handle, you might as well consult some anger management experts for advice.

Remember this powerful paradigm shift: It is not how you are feeling that is wrong. It is what you do with your feelings that become the issue.

If you allow yourself to throw a tantrum and fling your arms around, ranting wildly like a lion king, this is obviously not a good sign. You are liable to hurt other people's feelings as well as possibly causing them physical harm.

When you let your temper get the better out of you, you may face serious consequences like:

Detrimental to your unstable mental health

Severely damaging your physical health, some may even trigger heart attacks or latent diseases

Ruining your professional career because you're confronting your boss, colleagues or even clients in a mindless way

Destroying relationships with friends, family, lovers and co-workers

Failing to create the kind of impact you want in the world because no one wants to help you with your vision and mission

Luckily, there are solutions to this problem.

Your first step is to seek out help and learn to manage your temper in a more effective way. This can include group therapy or it can consist of you learning how to manage your anger by yourself.

Learning to control your temper will take time, energy, effort and patience. One of the first things you should do is to try to determine what the root cause of your anger is.

Did you grow up in an angry household where you witnessed a lot of fights and dramas? 

Have you experienced a traumatic event in the past about people?

Sometimes the root cause of anger can be hidden deep inside. It is only with a lot of self-reflection, soul-searching and meditating that the answers will be revealed.

Find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed and start making a list of all the things that make you angry. Then put them in order of importance - which one lights your fuse first. Once you know what your root cause is, you will be able to devise a better strategy to deal with it and slowly change your behavior.

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Understanding and Improving Self-Esteem

Self-esteem refers to the value we place on ourselves. It's a self-imposed judgment of our own worth. It follows that self-esteem is something that comes from within. We can't look to others for it, we can't pay for it, and it can't be gifted to us. When our self-esteem is up we feel pretty good about ourselves. It's that sense of feeling comfortable in our own skin, of acknowledging that we're not perfect but being able to live with ourselves despite the flaws. We tend to treat ourselves kindly and we learn to trust our own beliefs, values and behavior without looking to others for approval or guidance. We're not closed to suggestions or feedback but our confidence remains high as we adapt to new or challenging circumstances.

Contrast this with low self-esteem and the differences become clearer. Low self-esteem is fraught with difficulties. We're constantly comparing ourselves to others and wishing we could be like them, or even 'be' them. It's a lack of personal control and a nagging need for greater personal strength and confidence.

Self-esteem isn't fixed. We can't, for example, go on a course or read a book and develop self-esteem in the way we might develop muscles through exercise. It's true that guidance can help enormously but the point is our esteem is a dynamic process that can increase or reduce according to circumstances. Anyone who has experienced a traumatic event will tend to feel self-esteem reduce. When, for example, we're forced into actions we might not choose it means control is taken from us and placed in someone else's hands. We become victims of circumstance and we feel bad as a result.

It's therefore important to understand that self-esteem ebbs and flows, but this doesn't mean we can't have an abiding sense of self worth. If we become victims of circumstance our lives being reactive rather than proactive. We constantly look to others for approval and our lives become fearful in case we go wrong, in case we're disapproved of, in case we're not liked. Almost inevitably we can't sustain such an approach. There will always be times others disagree with us, don't want to speak to us, turn their backs on us. What's left is a desolate sense of rejection and resentment and low self-esteem becomes reinforced

Improving Self-Esteem

Our inner voice is the one critical issue to get into check. We've all got an inner voice. It's the thing that says, 'maybe I shouldn't because I'm not good enough,' or 'I'd better not in case I fail or embarrass myself or other people'. Let's unpack what's going here.

What is the content of this inner voice? Is it very general in nature or does it tend to focus on a very few things? Where has it come from? Is it some bad experience you had years ago or is it what we might think of as anticipatory anxiety?

Our inner critic tends to be ruthless. It operates in black and white terms where everything is a disaster, a failure or perfect and brilliant. Oh yes, real life is that, isn't it? Put your inner critic under scrutiny. Who says it's accurate? Is it able to predict the future? Can it mind read? Or is it stirring up your emotions based on nothing more than - well, emotions?

For every negative statement you can think of its important to counter it with a positive and more logical alternative. So 'she'll think I'm stupid,' is replaced with 'everyone asks questions, why should mine be less worthy?'

This is just a start, but it's a way to understanding how self-esteem operates and what you can do in order to turn things to your advantage.

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How to Find Inspiration After Experiencing Big Failure

I am sure that you have heard the saying that if you have never failed at anything, then you never tried anything.

This saying is quite true. Ask the big captains of industry and the inventors of things that changed the face of humanity and they will tell you how they kept moving from failure to failure.

I certainly agree with those who say that the real challenge is not in falling, it is rather in your ability to rise up after every failure.

How to Deal With Failure Properly

Learning to deal with failure is not something you start learning when you are an adult.

It is actually something you have to learn while you are still going to college. This is the reason why I am starting this article by looking at the common instances of failure while you are still in school and college.

I have also looked at rejection when you apply for a place in college or a job. You will certainly be glad to hear that when you fail, you are not the fist and you will certainly not be the last.

These are common failures many people experience:


Failure In College

I still remember when I arrived in college for the first time.

It had not yet dawned on me that college was a lot different from high school. No one had told me that essay writing in college is something which requires research and diligence.

I just thought that I would use my natural intelligence and everything will be fine.

I was in for a rude awakening. For the first time in my life, I got a mark below 50%. However, this never happened again, one of my professors told me that I could order an essay and just give the instruction “write my essay”.

Essay writing services helped me a lot to understand how a college assignment should be written. As you can see it was through failure that I discovered a very important lesson.


Expulsion
Another big failure for many students in college is being expelled.

While I was in college, two of my friends were expelled; one for failing to hand over the minimum number of assignments for a given semester and another one for presenting work of another student as his own.

My friend actually thought that since the assignments were going to be marked by different professors, they would not see that the work was the same.

He was wrong, the college was now using a new system where all assignments were checked for plagiarism.

In the event that another assignment had already been submitted to this system, if you attempted to submit another one which is the same, the system would flag it.

His biggest problem was that even when he had been caught, he refused to accept that he had done something wrong. So he was put before a disciplinary committee which found him guilty.


Rejected College Application

Another big source of disappointment for many college students is when they fail to get space in a college that they want to go to.

There is usually more competition when it comes to getting into your good colleges. Many more people are rejected at such colleges than are accepted. I do not think that this should be viewed as a failure at all.


It is not about the college you go to but rather your character and what you can do with your degree.

I would rather work with someone who went to a less known college but has a great work ethic than someone who has been to the Ivy League with a wrong attitude.


A Job Taken By Someone Else

Only after leaving college do you see that it is a jungle out there.

Sooner than later, those expectations of a corner office with air conditioning start to fade away with each regret letter you get from the employers of your choice.

It is easy to start thinking that maybe something is wrong with you. Well, nothing is wrong with you, there are millions of other graduates competing for the same job you are vying for and the very same corner office you have in your imagination.

Sometimes you know that the job was going to be yours if it had not been stolen by someone who already knows someone else in the company. You feel hurt because you know you could do a great job if you had been given the chance.


How to Find Inspiration After Experiencing Big Failure

The good thing about failure is that it is actually not the end. You can use the following tips to find inspiration after failure:


1. Accept Your Weaknesses

Every human being has weaknesses.

The first thing you need to do after failing is to accept that it has happened to you because failure happens to human beings.

Accepting this helps you to accept that this is not a reflection of your life as a whole. It is just a temporary setback.


2. Accept That Everyone Fails

Show me anyone who has never failed in their lives and I will show you someone who has never lifted a finger. Everybody has had experience of failure before. This should comfort you.


3. Accept That You Are In Control.

When you are expelled from college, your application is rejected or someone else takes a job you thought was yours; it is easy to blame others for it. When you stop the blame game and take responsibility, you are growing.

It helps you to address any deficiencies you may have.


4. See the Lesson

The biggest thing you can take from failure is the lesson it has taught you.

This gives you a chance to examine your life. It gives you a chance to introspect.

If there are any weaknesses you need to address, you will only be able to see them after doing this soul searching. There are many lessons I would never have learned if I had not failed.


5. Pain Helps You Grow

You will find inspiration if you accept that the pain you get from failure helps you to grow. There are certain things you will not understand until you have had a chance to live then.

For example, you would not know what it feels like to lose a job unless you had lost one before. We only learn the feeling of losing a loved one after we have lost a loved one. That is the essence of life.
6. It Gives Material For Stories

If you have ever listened to a story about how someone succeeded against the odds, you are essentially listening to a story about failure. The reason why the story is moving you is because someone has learned from the failures of their lives.


Summary

Failure should never be considered as something permanent.

It only becomes permanent if you allow it to defeat you. It’s something that happens to all human beings who have ambitions.

If we look at the lessons we can learn from our failure, we will soon realize that in order to succeed we have to be prepared to fail. It should never be seen as the end, but rather the beginning of a new way of looking at life.
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