How You Can Succeed like Others Who Have Succeeded

We can easily be intimidated by successful individuals; their wealth and achievements seem unattainable, and their personality appears to be unique. It can also be discouraging to know that there is a big gap between you and some of the distinguished people in your industry.

You might even question whether you have the ability to replicate that success or if you can ever reach those levels to begin with. You should not be discouraged by the seemingly distant success of others. Instead, consider these tips to help you achieve success in your own right:
Be Yourself

It may sound contradictory, but if you want to succeed like the people who have achieved massive success in your industry and inspired you so much, you need to be nothing like them. Well, almost.

To succeed in just about any field, whether it’s sports, arts or business, you need to be yourself and avoid imitating anybody who has already made it. Replicas will never have the same credibility as the originals.

If you imitate others, sooner or later, you’ll be found out. And once you’ve lost credibility, it can be very difficult to gain it back. Let’s look at the arts, for example. How many tribute acts do you know that are more successful than the musical icons that they imitate? The answer is probably zero. That’s because audiences can see through the frailty of imitation. On the other hand, a lot of new artists are still able to break through the market and become massive successes—imitation free.
My Early Years

When I started out in this industry, there was a huge gulf between me and those who I saw on stage when attending events. They had all the charisma and personality that seemed to come naturally with top-earners. I, on the other hand, was a shy young man. I kept asking myself, “Do I have to be like them in order to succeed?”

In those early years, I was trying to be something or someone I wasn’t. I was trying to be the typical internet marketing guru with all the trimmings. It was forced, unnatural, and quite evidently, awful. But with time came experience. In early 2013, I decided to “be myself” and stopped trying to be what I thought was the blueprint for a successful internet marketer.

I subsequently got good feedback from audiences who liked my honest and forthright approach. I was transparent and true to myself. This gave me a lot of confidence and the rest, as they say, is history.
Communicate with Conviction

If you want to succeed in business, you need to clearly communicate with your audience. While keeping your voice and individuality is extremely important, keep in mind that you should have conviction along with a conversational and friendly tone when talking to your customers or clients.

I personally believe that it’s effective to talk to your prospects during training or seminars like you would your niece or nephew. You can be friendly and personal while remaining authoritative and educative. Remember, you will only succeed in this business if you portray a position of value.

Communicating with your audience in this manner can come in the form of:
Writing (having an authoritative, engaging, personal and friendly tone.)
Video (confidently speaking to your audience, yet remaining “watchable.”)

It’s important to show your personality in videos and be authentic because your audience will be more inclined to connect with you if they see the person behind the words. A Forbes study found that 75 percent of executives watch work-related video content on business websites at least once a week. And out of those, 65 percent of them said they visit the marketer’s website after watching the video.

If you copy someone else’s technique or personality, it’s highly unlikely that the 65 percent will follow and connect with you.
Conclusion

If you think that you can only succeed in business by imitating industry leaders, you need to remember one important piece of advice: There will always be a segment of the market that will resonate with what you have to offer. Just as you resonated with the industry leaders that inspire you, there will be others who connect with and are inspired by who you are and what you do.

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What Does Being Authentic Really Mean to You?

I was reading about character vs. characterization in novel writing, and this led me to contemplate what it means to be authentic. When writers craft a novel, they need characters and need to develop the characters in a way that makes them feel real to readers. This means the writers have to know as much about the characters as possible, from eye color to habits to prime motivation in life. This is called characterization. Character is what is demonstrated when a character in a novel faces a challenge-shows their true colors, as the saying goes. It's the stuff they're made of, when push comes to shove. It's the same for us.

It's fairly easy to create a characterization, a presentation, of ourselves for others to see and believe: we can let them see whatever we prefer they see. With others, we can pay attention to what they say and do, and even what we intuit about them when we're with them, which gives us more information beyond what we see. But all of this leads to the question: what is authenticity really about?

What if it's really about how you feel about yourself, rather than what you say or do, or how you look? After all, any of us can at anytime say and do things that don't feel authentic to us but we believe is what is expected of us, or dress a certain way, whether it feels natural or not. Do you believe that to be truly authentic, you have to spill every bean about yourself to everyone? Can you keep anything private or be discerning about who you share what with and still be authentic?

As I pondered these questions, I thought about the fact that the world is peopled with introverts and extroverts. People have traits of both, but in their individual quantities. Carolyn Gregoire wrote the following in an article for The Huffington Post: "As recently as 2010, the American Psychiatric Association even considered classifying "introverted personality" as a disorder by listing it in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5), a manual used to diagnose mental illness. But more and more introverts are speaking out about what it really means to be a 'quiet' type."

I admit that for a long time I believed that outgoing people (extroverts) were demonstrating the one and only way to be authentic; so, because I'm a more quiet type (80% introvert, according to an online test I took), I judged myself as not being as authentic as someone who says, or seems to say, whatever they feel like saying about anything, and to anyone, at any time. To all you introverts out there, if you've been feeling less authentic because you're a more quiet type or because you feel a certain way and it clashes with what some believe is more "normal" or authentic (or commercially viable) behavior, you can relax and be yourself. You can gladly laugh at those online poster images that say things like "Introverts unite--in your separate homes." You get the joke better than anyone.

Gregoire included a list of 23 signs of an introvert in her article, which I'm going to share here as well as some comments about extroverts. Keep in mind that some people you might call an extrovert may actually have a bit or a good bit of introvert in them, just as introverts have a bit or a good bit of extrovert in them. You may resonate more with some of what's listed below than with others--we're all composites when it comes to our personality. Here are the 23 signs (my comments are in parentheses):

1. You find small talk incredibly cumbersome. (As an introvert, I'll say that's putting it mildly. Too much small talk can make introverts feel tired and annoyed-it's like static on a radio to them. Introverts can and will engage in small talk, but it doesn't take long for them to look for or wish for an exit. A number of aspects that follow can all be tied back into this one. Extroverts, however, will carry on conversations about anything and enjoy it well enough, if not a lot.)

2. You go to parties -- but not to meet people. (Introverts, when they do go to parties, go to see people they know, to be with people who accept them as they are and they can be relaxed around. If they do connect with a new person in a real way, they'll enjoy it. Extroverts tend to be "the more the merrier" types.)

3. You often feel alone in a crowd. (Introverts don't like crowds, or like them in small doses. They have to mentally prepare themselves for crowds. Again, extroverts tend to be "the more the merrier" types.)

4. Networking makes you feel like a phony. (Introverts prefer deeper conversations that lead to real connection. They know it may take a lot of small talk first, to find someone who will engage in deeper conversations (see No. 1). And, yet again, extroverts tend to be "the more the merrier" types.)

5. You've been called "too intense." (Introverts prefer deeper thoughts and conversations-they need them because that's their nature. They'll engage in lighter conversations, but only for so long. This doesn't mean extroverts don't enjoy deeper conversations, but they don't fuel and feed many extroverts as they do introverts.)

6. You're easily distracted. (This refers to an introvert being in an overly-stimulating environment, which stifles clear or deeper thought and engagement. Introverts may zone out in such situations, in order to conserve energy. Extroverts are comfortable in overly-stimulating environments; it fuels them.)

7. Downtime doesn't feel unproductive to you. (Downtime is a necessity for introverts. They need it to recharge their batteries and to stimulate their creativity. A whole day alone with a good book or some other downtime experience is like heaven to an introvert. Longer is even better. Extroverts tend to thrive on stimulation that comes from others and activities. They can take only so much alone time; introverts can take only so much social engagement.)

8. Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those people afterwards. (For all the reasons listed above and below. Extroverts are eager to mingle.)

9. When you get on the subway, you sit at the end of the bench -- not in the middle. (Or prefer end or back seats wherever you go-like in a theater, for fast getaways, if needed. Extroverts like to be in the mix.)

10. You start to shut down after you've been active for too long. (Introverts are often more sprinter types than marathoners, activity-wise. Extroverts have a different kind of energy reserve.)

11. You're in a relationship with an extrovert. (Introverts like to sometimes ride the "waves" with an extrovert. Notice I said "sometimes." That need for quiet, alone time is always there-an introvert can actually feel or become unwell if they don't get enough of this. Extroverts may or may not understand this need, may or may not think it's a strange way to be. Life is for living, is an extrovert's motto. The introvert lives life, just from a more inward perspective.)

12. You'd rather be an expert at one thing than try to do everything. (Introverts like to and need to focus. It's more about how well they function and feel best than about what they do; though, they need to feel aligned with what they do. Extroverts are more outwardly adventurous. An experience, for its own sake, may be more important than alignment with it, for an extrovert.)

13. You actively avoid any shows that might involve audience participation. (However if picked, an introvert might get into it, if the participation is brief enough. An extrovert might deliberately attend such a performance and even volunteer, vigorously.)

14. You screen all your calls -- even from friends. (Sophia Dembling, author of "The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World," said, "To me, a ringing phone is like having somebody jump out of a closet and go 'BOO!'" Introverts prefer to be mentally and energetically ready for phone calls (see No. 1). Plus, when deep in thought, which is often, they don't respond well to being disturbed. Extroverts love to engage anytime. It's stimulation that feeds them.)

15. You notice details that others don't. (Unless an introvert is distracted by an overly-stimulating environment, they notice details; and these can be physical ones, but often are inner ones, like emotional dynamics. Extroverts, like introverts, notice whatever they attune to, but it may be more about what someone says than why they say it.)

16. You have a constantly running inner monologue. (Introverts tend to prefer to think before they speak; and as natural thinkers, they think and process thoughts all the time. Extroverts are more comfortable with speaking first and thinking about it later. They're also more comfortable acting without thinking it through first. Both of these aspects are something introverts sometimes wish they were comfortable doing, but the fact is they aren't. Both of these are things extroverts sometimes wish they hadn't done, but it's their nature.)

17. You have low blood pressure. (A scientific study said introverts tend to have lower BP than extroverts do. This makes sense, since introverts look for deeper meanings and have all that quiet alone time to do it in. Extroverts are out there, living on the edge, for the most part. There's going to be a certain amount of stress in that way of living.) 

18. You've been called an "old soul" -- since your 20s. (Again, introverts tend to prefer to think before they speak, which can seem like wisdom to others (sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't). Extroverts tend to be more in-the-moment types-the time is now, to speak and act, which is sometimes wise and sometimes isn't.)

19. You don't feel "high" from your surroundings (Like, say, at big parties. Extroverts respond to their environments differently than introverts-they align with the energy, while introverts look for what and who they are in true alignment with).

20.You look at the big picture. (Introverts tend to be okay with details and facts, but can also engage abstract concepts, as well. Some extroverts are, again, in-the-moment types. What's happening in front of them is what's happening. Introverts tend to look for the undercurrents and dynamics.)

21.You've been told to "come out of your shell." (Introverts come out of their shells when they feel like it, thank you. But they keep their shells close by. Extroverts have shells, and sometimes they visit them.)

22.You're a writer. (Some introverts find it easier to communicate through writing; plus, all that time alone to think charges up their creativity. This doesn't mean extroverts don't write, but the ones that do likely have enough introvert in them to support this. Many extroverts would prefer to speak than write. The alone-time it takes to write might be too much for them. They may prefer to dictate their writings and have someone else type them up.)

23.You alternate between phases of work and solitude, and periods of social activity. (Too much activity can stress and tire an introvert. They know how much socializing, work, and downtime works for them. Some extroverts have to wear themselves out before they realize it's time, or past time, for downtime.)

We cannot all be the same, or some of us aren't needed. We need extroverts to enliven life and moments and stimulate the energy so it doesn't go stale. We need introverts to keep things real, to provide the bigger picture, and to calm things down. Life is like a musical composition: We need the notes (extroverts) and the rests between the notes (introverts). If a composition is all rests, there's no music. If it's all notes with no rests, there's no pause to breathe, and performers and listeners alike will pass out or gasp for air. To those of you who are extroverts, thank you for what you offer to the world and to introverts who benefit from "just enough" excitement from time to time. To those of you who are introverts, did you notice how many of the 23 are about being authentic? So if you were comparing yourself to extroverts, as I was, stop it. Both are authentic. Both are needed.

I think it's more important that you feel authentic than "appear" authentic to others so that you then perceive yourself as authentic. Authenticity comes from within, never from outside of you. Who are you comfortable being in your everyday life? Who are you--what is your true character or nature--when you face challenges? It's okay to be who you are and it's okay to discover who that is as life presents changes to and for you. It's okay to share as much of your authentic self with others as you feel comfortable with; but be sure to share it with yourself. Know thyself. Love thyself. It's a good practice, one you'll appreciate.

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6 Things Socially Successful People do Differently

8 years ago, I realised that something in my life had to change. I was tired of spending evenings and weekends on my own and promised myself to build a powerful social circle with a lot of close friends. The only problem was, I had no clue of how to proceed. So I started analysing socially successful people to learn what they did differently. What I have found out has had a significant impact on my life and now I share these with you. This is what I found out.

1. They Focus on Their Positive Traits, not their Negative Ones

When you see socially successful people, what is one trait they all embody? They have self confidence. I started to realise that self confidence is something anyone can build up over time. These people have flaws like anyone else. But they are aware of what they actually do well.

There’s a huge power in focusing on your positive traits. When you do, you begin to form a healthy perspective of yourself. This will give you confidence you need to become more outgoing around others. As an exercise, if you had to list five positive traits about yourself, what would those be? Give these traits some thought every day.


2. They Live in the Moment, Not in Their Minds

Have you ever entered a party, and felt like there were pairs of eyes watching every move you made? When we experience this, we become very self aware and nervous. To counteract this, when you attend social gatherings it’s important to “force your mind out of your head”. When you detect that you’re wondering what others think of you, start asking yourself questions about the people around you instead. “How do these two people know each other?” “What is she working with?” “Where is he from?” In a study, people who were instructed to focus on their environment reported feeling much more self confident.

3. They are Outgoing

To become socially successful, you will have to take the initiative on occasion. Even if you’re not naturally born a social butterfly, being outgoing is something you can learn. Instead of waiting for someone to invite you to a party or gathering, find groups that interest you. Many cities have groups based on occupation, hobbies, religion or other interests where you can join to meet others. This is a great first step out of your comfort zone. When you do this, have confidence in knowing that others attending the group may have the same social anxieties as you do. Once you find a group, it’s important that you stay persistent and attend meetings regularly. The more you attend the more comfortable you will feel being there.

Note from Brendan: If you live in Sydney, I have established the Sydney Activity and Adventure Group which now has over 3,000 members. Join us for some fun sometime!


4. They are Adventurous

If you want to become more socially successful, it’s important that you open your mind to try new things. By trying new things such as taking a cooking class or learning karate, you expand your horizons, you acquire new skills and you meet people in the process. This is an excellent way to enrich your life and grow your social circle as a result. Is there something that you are interested in doing but haven’t tried yet? Try to realise that interest.

5. They are Great at Helping Others

Another trait that many socially successful people have is that they are willing to help others. Whether it’s finding volunteer opportunities or finding ways to help their friends, socially successful people are willing to go that extra mile. If you’re better than others at something and use your skills to help others out, people will respect you for it. You shouldn’t help people for the sake of making friends – then you risk coming off as needy. Help people because your skills would actually solve the problem they’re having.

What skills do you possess? In what way could you use these skills so help others? When you’re seen as a helpful person, people will become increasingly willing to give back. In that way, helpfulness is often a win-win.


6. They are Authentic

Simply, good reputations attract people. People of good character aren’t quick to judge, they won’t talk poorly about people behind their backs, they follow through on their commitments and they are friendly to others. When you practice these behaviours, others will notice your authenticity and this will make you more attractive as a person.

You’ve probably been in the situation where it’s tempting to talk down on something or someone. Try to resist that urge. If you refrain from this behaviour long enough, the urge will eventually go away – it’s no longer part of your personality to talk down on others. People will trust you more with their thoughts and secrets as you’re seen as a reliable person.


In Summary

Ultimately, these six steps are good mental approaches you can take to improve your social life. While you won’t experience an overnight transformation, these tips can help you develop the mindset needed to improve both your life and to help you gain more friendships.

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