7 Types of Loneliness

One major challenge within happiness is loneliness. The more I’ve learned about happiness, the more I’ve come to believe that loneliness is a common and important obstacle to consider.

To be happy, we need intimate bonds; we need to be able to confide, we need to feel like we belong, we need to be able to get and give support. In fact, strong relationships are key — perhaps the key — to a happy life.

Of course, being alone and being lonely aren’t the same. Loneliness feels draining, distracting, and upsetting; desired solitude feels peaceful, creative, restorative.

It seems to me that there are several types of loneliness. Of course, not everyone experiences loneliness in the situations described — for instance, not everyone wants a romantic partner. But for some people, the lack of certain kinds of relationships brings loneliness.

Once we’ve pinpointed the particular kind of loneliness we’re experiencing, it may be easier to spot ways to address it.

Here are some types I’ve identified — what have I overlooked?

7 Types of Loneliness

1. New-situation loneliness

You’ve moved to a new city where you don’t know anyone, or you’ve started a new job, or you’ve started at a school full of unfamiliar faces. You’re lonely.

2. I’m-different loneliness

You’re in a place that’s not unfamiliar, but you feel different from other people in an important way that makes you feel isolated. Maybe your faith is really important to you, and the people around you don’t share that — or vice versa. Maybe everyone loves doing outdoor activities, but you don’t — or vice versa. It feels hard to connect with others about the things you find important. Or maybe you’re just hit with the loneliness that hits all of us sometimes — the loneliness that’s part of the human condition.

3. No-sweetheart loneliness

Even if you have lots of family and friends, you feel lonely because you don’t have the intimate attachment of a romantic partner. Or maybe you have a partner, but you don’t feel a deep connection to that person.

4. No-animal loneliness
Many people have a deep need to connect with animals. If this describes you, you’re sustained by these relationships in a way that human relationships don’t replace. While I love my dog Barnaby, I don’t feel this myself — but many people feel like something important is missing if they don’t have a dog or cat (or less conveniently, a horse) in their lives.

5. No-time-for-me loneliness

Sometimes you’re surrounded by people who seem friendly enough, but they don’t want to make the jump from friendly to friends. Maybe they’re too busy with their own lives, or they have lots of friends already, so while you’d like a deeper connection, they don’t seem interested. Or maybe your existing friends have entered a new phase that means they no longer have time for the things you all used to do — everyone has started working very long hours, or has started family, so that your social scene has changed.

6. Untrustworthy-friends loneliness

Sometimes, you get in a situation where you begin to doubt whether your friends are truly well-intentioned, kind, and helpful. You’re “friends” with people but don’t quite trust them. An important element of friendship is the ability to confide and trust, so if that’s missing, you may feel lonely, even if you have fun with your friends.

7. Quiet-presence loneliness

Sometimes, you may feel lonely because you miss having someone else’s quiet presence. You may have an active social circle at work, or have plenty of friends and family, but you miss having someone to hang out with at home — whether that would mean living with a roommate, a family member, or a sweetheart. Just someone who’s fixing a cup of coffee in the next room, or reading on the sofa.

It’s important to realize why we feel lonely, because only then can we see how we might address it. If you’re no-time-for-me lonely, for instance, maybe a solution would be to work with people on a project, where you’d be doing an endeavor together, on something you’ve all made time for. My mother once noted — and I think it’s very true — it’s easier to make friends when you’re working on a project together.

Loneliness is a major factor in unhappiness, so it’s an important area to tackle, if you’re working on making yourself happier.

One of the keys — maybe the key — to happiness is strong connections to other people. The lack of these bonds, even temporarily, is a major happiness stumbling block.
Have you found any good ways to understand and deal with loneliness?

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8 Daily Challenges to Quickly Turn Your Life Around

If you currently feel like your life isn’t going the way you want it to, and you’re struggling to wake up every morning, knowing that what you’ve got going for right now is not to be looked forward to, then this is for you.

Here are 8 daily challenges for yourself, in order to quickly turn your life around at 30 years old, 40 years old, it doesn’t matter how old you are.

1) Stop watching T.V

As Bill Gates once said, “T.V is not real life”. Sometimes I think that people spend more time focused on what’s going on in the fictional world of Television, rather than their own life.

It just doesn’t make sense. Sure it’s a good thing to relax and T.V has that entertainment value to which you can relax to, but when it starts to overtake your own life, that’s worrying. Life is precious. Focus on your own personal stuff that you’ve got going on, and don’t get caught up in the world of Television.

The people you’re looking at on your T.V get paid to act, and they most likely love what they do. You can’t get lost in the world with them because they’re the ones who aren’t wasting any time.


2) Never stop looking for new opportunities

Some people find a job that they’re relatively happy with, apply, go for an interview, get the job and then stop looking for anything better. Once they get themselves a job, they can’t see a reason to keep looking for others. Why would they need to? They have a job now.

But what if there’s a better, more suitable job out there, that you just haven’t spotted yet. One that you’d absolutely love, rather than just mildly enjoy. If you stop looking, you’ll never spot it.

Never stop looking for new opportunities, because that’s how you end up becoming stuck in a rut, that you just can’t get out of. There may not be any more opportunities for you if you forget to look for even a short while.


3) Become an early riser

You should know by now that becoming an early riser is a very powerful way to change your life. Going from waking up at 11am, to waking up at 5:30, is an incredible difference. 5 hours and 30 minutes to be precise. Just think how much more can be achieved in that time.

That’s enough time to start your own business or project on the side, as well as having a full time job. And if you still think it’s not, you must be tripping. There are so many people who have managed to get out of the 9-5 grind by getting up early and working on their own thing before heading to the office to do some work for somebody else.

Even if you don’t want to wake up early for that particular reason, it gives you time to workout, process your thoughts, get things ready for the day, relax a little, you name it.

No, it won’t be easy at first. Which is why I recommend you start by setting that alarm for half an hour earlier, then repeat that gradually over a few weeks, and soon you’ll be waking up earlier without even having to think twice.

4) If you know what you want, go after it

Why is it that sometimes when we see things we want, we don’t go for them? Or we don’t put in as much effort as we could be doing? I’m sure that there’s been a few times where you’ve seen something incredible, an amazing opportunity that you know you want, but you carry on walking as if it was nothing.

I’m talking about a new career, or a new relationship, some sort of unique opportunity that just shouldn’t be passed up. The reason is usually always because we’re scared. We’re scared of putting a lot of time and effort into something that just might not work out.

This is a terrible mistake. If things don’t work out, you accept it, learn from it and move on.

The negative risks involved are perceived by us to be worse than they actually are. And the possible positive outcome that you’re giving up… can you really afford to pass by it and not take a second glance?

5) Challenge yourself mentally

Mental challenges on a daily basis are important if you are to grow as a person, and in your chosen field of expertise. How do you expect your brain to ever adapt if you’re not giving it a big enough challenge that will push it in that direction.

If you have this dream job that you just can’t quite seem to get right now, don’t keep waiting until the next interview. Challenge yourself mentally on a daily basis that’ll allow you to progress your knowledge on the subject and ultimately give you better chances of succeeding with your dreams.


6) Make 5 new connections a day

You know the old saying, “It’s not what you know, but who you know”? Well that’s definitely the case in many circumstances, but it doesn’t matter because making new connections is just so easy.


7) Read, watch and follow motivational speakers

I don’t know if you read a lot of books from life coaches, motivational speakers and such, or watch their videos. But you should be doing so. Watching videos on YouTube is not a waste of time if their motivating you and providing you with better understandings of life.

If you’re not sure who you should be following, then check out Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar, Eric Thomas & Les Brown. That should get you started for now. There are plenty more to come. Watch their videos, read their books, take in their wisdom.

8) Appreciate what you’ve got before it’s gone

Lastly, appreciate what you’ve got on a daily basis, before it’s gone. Change the way you look at things. You may be sitting there, feeling sorry for yourself, feeling like you have nothing to live for, and it’s partially because you’re not realising and being appreciative of what you already have.

Family, a roof over your head, food, water, a freaking internet connection.

Change the way you look at things and be more appreciative of what you have. Don’t take things for granted and you’ll already be feeling happier… because happiness is a choice. You could be living in a bad neighbourhood on a low income, in bad shape and by yourself, but still have a peaceful and happy life.

It doesn’t matter whether you want to turn your life around at 30 years old or 50 years old, just give the above challenges a shot and make a change in your life!

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6 Simple Soul & Mind Nourishing Activities We Often Forget About

“Affirmations are our mental vitamins, providing the supplementary positive thoughts we need to balance the barrage of negative events and thoughts we experience daily.” – Tia Walker

Are you spending more time taking care of others or yourself?

Know that either extreme is making you lose your power to build and sustain a happy life.

If you lose yourself in caring for others, you might end up merely existing and not living. Plus, those people you care for, become dependent and get lost in life as well. If you get too much self-involved and self-centred, you end up alone.

6 Soul & Mind Nourishing Activities

Therefore, find your balance between giving and taking; between offering your time and energy to others and yourself; between caring for other and caring for yourself.

Because most people tend to lose themselves in satisfying, mainly other people’s needs and wants, here are 6 things to nourish your mind and soul:


1. Time For Yourself

If you are the carer (as a parent, a spouse, an employer, for example), which un-avertable you are no matter what you do for a living, looking after people by choice or occupation, you might be one of those people that feel guilty and selfish to take time for yourself.

Are you?

Listen, it is admirable what you are doing, and I bow to you; yet, at the same time, I want to ask you: for how long do you think you can keep it up if you don’t take care of yourself as well? If you don’t take some time for yourself too?

An overworked, tired and unhappy carer has an adverse impact on those for which is caring. Is it not? A child can’t be happy and grow harmoniously raised by an unhappy parent. An employee can’t be productive led by a stressed and overwhelmed boss.

Can they?

Therefore, occasionally be selfish and take time for yourself. Put your fear and anxieties aside and let the Earth spin around without your help and attention. Remember that, in that circumstance being selfish is an act of self-preservation and, ultimately altruism.

When you care for others, you are like a machine that needs maintenance, oiling, and rest, to work properly.

Concern yourself less about what people may say about you and stay focused on the result you want: offering valuable, meaningful, and sustainable care, service, leadership, help, and whatever else you have to give.



2. The Courage to Say NO

As a child, I’ve struggled because not my parents, nor the other adults around knew how to be assertive, how to put their foot down and then help me to move forward.

I had to, consistently, second guess my behavior, lose valuable time in finding by myself what is expected from me and what are the rules of living in the society.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not complaining, I’m just saying that there are better ways to grow, improve and learn, other than the hard way.

Pay attention, being assertive is not just a way to let people know what you want, but is a duty as well. Overcome your fear of saying No!

Overcome your negative preconceptions (if you have) about being an assertive person and put your foot down, say “no” when you need to and say “yes” only when is the right thing to do.


3. Listen to Your Inner Voice

Life has this habit of going on with you or without you. Don’t let it slip away without having any say about it. Listen to your inner voice and allow yourself guided by your wisdom.

If you are one of these people, always on the run, always doing something important, always using your time to build something concrete, tangible, most likely you know what I’m referring to when I say;


“LIFE HAS THIS HABIT OF GOING ON WITH YOU OR WITHOUT YOU.”

You know that you’re going through motions without listening to your inner voice for days on end or even months and years.


Note that your inner voice is not the same thing with self-talk. Your inner voice is telling you what you need (mind, soul, and body), what make you sad, what is hurting you, what is helpful, how to protect yourself; It comes from your deeper self, the wisest part of you.

On the other hand, self-talk (internal dialogue) is the way you represent how you see the world and yourself and it comes from learning, experience, and beliefs.

Listen to your inner voice; it has many things to tell you if you are willing to hear it out.


4. Respect

How much thought and attention do you put into the words you’re saying to others? I guess, a lot! Do you have the same consideration towards yourself?

Self-respect starts with valuing who you are and it is manifested, the most, by the way, you talk to yourself and about yourself. And, then, it is what you do with and what you put into your perfect vehicle: your body!

And, the last one, but as important as the other two, self-respect is how you speak to and about people because what you say about others is more a reflection of who you are and less who they are. Is it not?


5. Compassion

In a society that you are encouraged more and more to strive and focus mainly on achievement, career and success, how many of us feel content and satisfied with who they are, how they look, how much they accomplish?

The standards are so high and still going up and up that almost no human can keep up. No wonder so many people have low self-esteem and confidence issues.

How about setting your own standards? How about taking, periodically, breaks to recharge and refresh? Moments to re-evaluate the validity of what is expected of you? Yet, even better! what if you add to those moments and breaks, a bit of self-compassion?

Self-compassion is food for your mind and soul. It allows you to understand that whatever you do when you’re doing it, you believe to be the best action.

Judging your former self with the knowledge you have today is unfair. Is it not? Aren’t you more knowledgeable, wiser, more skilled, more aware of things than ten years ago? You, definitely, are! You are much better even compared to yesterday.

Give yourself compassion and believe that you are doing the best you know how in each moment of your life. If that is not enough for the society and your environment, that what could be, if any?


6. Connection

Success and accomplishment is a sad place to be in if you have no one to share them with. A big mansion means nothing for your level of happiness and contentment if you spend your days alone in it.

Aren’t being happy and healthy, feeling safe and free, what you want the most in life?
Being alone in the big mansion is a self-made prison; eating by yourself is a health hazard; walking alone through the vicissitudes of life can become a safety issue quickly.


THESE ARE JUST A FEW EXAMPLES OF HOW YOUR BIGGEST DESIRES IN LIFE CAN GET LOST AND DISSIPATE BEHIND SMOKING MIRRORS WHEN YOU HAVE NO MEANINGFUL CONNECTION TO OTHER PEOPLE.

Next time when you see people that prefer to stay in unhealthy and unhappy relationships, don’t ask yourself why are they doing it because loneliness is a bigger load to bear than hardship alongside to others.

That being said, choose this better option: gather around you people that you enjoy spending time with; people that love, appreciate, value, and accept you as you are.

Stay connected, reach out, build long-lasting and meaningful relationships and feel happy, healthy, safe and free no matter if you live in a mansion or a shack.


Summary

Time for yourself
The courage to say NO
Listen to your inner voice
Respect
Compassion
Connection
What other mind nourishing activities do you partake in? Leave a comment below.

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